Does she have your back?
I was having dinner with a group of friends recently when the topic of loyalty came up. A lot of the men believed that a woman who was not loyal or unable to show support, is put in the category for “recreational purposes” only. In other words, they don’t take her seriously.
Most of the guys agreed that when a man sees that his woman supports him and has his back, it makes a huge difference in how he relates to her. It is something that a lot of men value when they have it, and can definitely tell when they don’t. How hard is it to find a loyal woman to date though?
I figured women are already hard wired to be nurturing and supportive. Surely, they meet many women who can have their back, right? Noooooope. Apparently, some women find it difficult to do, and some men think this is the reason their dating relationships don’t work out.
What do you think? Do you generally meet and date people who seem willing and able to be supportive? Do you think this is something that is only shown over time within a committed relationship?
If you are in a relationship now, do you feel like they have your back? How long did it take before you felt that they did
By Wise Diva, Misadventures in Atlanta Dating Blog
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187 comments Add your comment
Blackfoote: The Real Blackfoote
November 15th, 2012
1:25 pm
Yep Sassy I agree with you on the President and his wife and the discussion of today. Michelle stands tall behind her man and you can see and sense the admiration they have for each other.
Single and Happy
November 15th, 2012
1:26 pm
MsAtl, I’ll give you that one, but I was being sarcastic, (LOL) very happy where I am, didn’t need anyone to push me, always pushed myself.
Single and Happy
November 15th, 2012
1:28 pm
Catch you guys later.
Sassy Me...Juicy Fruit ;-)
November 15th, 2012
1:36 pm
you can see and sense the admiration they have for each other.
Yes it’s obvious and quite palpable. I was on a website that had a gallery of pictures of them over the years and it tells the same story. The way they look at each other, especially when they embrace and make eye contact. Sometimes he looks at her like, “I’m the luckiest man alive to have you next to me” and then there are other times he looks at her like, “Imma tear you up later”… I think they’re an awesome couple. When he was first elected sisters were like, “Okay we have a Black POTUS so now the rest of you brothers have NO excuse”…there was some backlash from alot of men saying that for us to want a Barack was unrealistic(where they do that at?)…I call bullisht and foul on that play.
For Real
November 15th, 2012
1:47 pm
What up Blog Fam!
On topic: Men understand loyalty women do not which explains why the avg. woman has 23 best friends in her life time and men have 2 at most. To women loyalty stops when something is required of her and she believes its something you should be doing. It doesn’t matter if it’s a man or woman.
I haven’t read any of the post but I’m sure a one or two chicks has stated this “I’m not saying it’s has to 50/50 but I don’t want to put more in than he does” or “I have put more into the relationship than he did” which proves my point about women not understanding what loyalty is. Oh and for the blog chick that will post about chicks staying with dudes that drag them down, those chicks are staying with that guy out of loyalty they stay because they are looking for ROI or until they can hitch their rent to another dude.
For Real now sitting on a bench with a tray full of devil eggs.
kimmie
November 15th, 2012
1:51 pm
“Imma tear you up later
Sassy – Preach girl!!! Ain’t nothing like having your man look at you like that!! I cracked up over here when I read that. Love the admiration too! Barack & Michelle are an example for everyone!
Now I am most definitely ride-or-die for a dude that’s trying to make something of himself and leave his mark on the world. That can be by him teaching Sunday school, mentoring in the community, working hard to make that paper, raising his kids, yall get where I’m coming from. Being there to make doing those things a little easier like making sure everyone has healthly meals, making sure the house is kept up, all that. Work together and you can be a force, a movement!!
For Real
November 15th, 2012
1:51 pm
“Okay we have a Black POTUS so now the rest of you brothers have NO excuse” – No excuses for what? Exactly what impact do you think BO should have on dudes and does MO have the same impact on women?
“there was some backlash from alot of men saying that for us to want a Barack was unrealistic(where they do that at?)…I call bullisht and foul on that play” – Why are you calling BS?
Sassy Me...Juicy Fruit ;-)
November 15th, 2012
1:51 pm
yawn…
kimmie
November 15th, 2012
1:53 pm
For Real now sitting on a bench with a tray full of devil eggs.
Sassy Me...Juicy Fruit ;-)
November 15th, 2012
1:54 pm
I’m calling BS because the men I spoke with felt that Barack was too high up the pole to be used as a measuring stick for what a Black man can do/accomplish. Some felt it was an unrealistic expectation.
Blackfoote: The Real Blackfoote
November 15th, 2012
1:56 pm
Women hold the keys to their heart, men need to know how to accept and respect the keys.
We can’t kiss you unless you say so……………….(sometimes you have to steal a kiss)
We can’t take you home until you show us where you live…………..(listen baby I have a GPS)
We can’t touch you unless you allow us………………..(pat on the butt is my favorite)
We can’t hold your hand until you are comfortable…………………..(no poison ivy here baby)
We can’t tell you we love you until you say it 1st……………..(baby I felt this way a long time ago)
We can wash your hair when you trust us………..(honey it’s that time of month again) * not that one
We can massage your entire body when you feel us………….(oh baby that felt so good)
We can cook you dinner and serve it on a candle lit table………(you sure know how to treat woman)
We can send you flowers to your job………………………..(honey you made my day thanks)
We can give you money………………………………….(that’s my man)
For Real
November 15th, 2012
2:00 pm
Well then I second you BS and raise you a you should have slapped the ish outta dem. Those are the type of dudes that go around saying “she won’t let me be the man” BS.
Sassy Me...Juicy Fruit ;-)
November 15th, 2012
2:03 pm
Those are the type of dudes that go around saying “she won’t let me be the man” BS.
Excatly For Real. You eithe are or you aren’t…never quite understood that statement.
Sassy Me...Juicy Fruit ;-)
November 15th, 2012
2:05 pm
*either* and *exactly*..my blood sugar’s low…
Funny post Blackfoote…true but funny,too
For Real
November 15th, 2012
2:07 pm
We can’t kiss you unless you say so……………….(yes you can, you can sneeze in your hand and then wipe your hand across her face)
We can’t take you home until you show us where you live…………..(yes you can, you can slip her micky and then dig thru her pocketbook and get driver’s license)
We can’t touch you unless you allow us………………..(yes you can, you would be amazed at how many times you can get away with saying excuse me as you slide by on her booty)
We can’t hold your hand until you are comfortable…………………..(yes you can, and this is two for one move.. all you got to do is trip her and this is also good for touching her as well)
We can’t tell you we love you until you say it 1st……………..(yes you can, it’s the only way you will be able to get the sex unless you slip her a micky)
kimmie
November 15th, 2012
2:07 pm
My opinion on the “see if Barack can do it so can you” thing is alot different. I am fortunate enough to have been around high-achieving brothers all my life and some were the “first” in their field of expertise. So when Barack came on the scene, I had no problem envisioning him winning the presidency. And any men I’ve known had plenty other example before BO came along . Same with Michelle- known plenty succesful and supportive sisters just like her. But for alot of Americans of every color, this is their first time seeing such.
What got on my nerves were brothers saying “see, Michelle stood by her man when he had nothing”? Uh, Michelle didn’t pull BO off the street and clean him up. He had finished Harvard Law and was an intern at the firm she worked at. She’s an Ivy Leaguer herself. That degree is like money in the bank. I’m not saying she married him only for his earning potential, but that’s just not an example of someone recognizing a diamond-in-the-rough and taking a chance on him.
For Real
November 15th, 2012
2:08 pm
my blood sugar’s low… – Zipppppppppppppppppppp!!!!!!!
For Real is now giving Sassy some sugar.
MsAtl
November 15th, 2012
2:10 pm
Ex- lol on your 1:22. More than likely, he was trying to get to his side piece before her husband came home.
For Real- I don’t mind doing more, but it can’t be 70/30 FOREVER; that’s not cool. And why is there no mention of you sharing your deviled eggs? (unless that’s an analogy)
Blackfoote: The Real Blackfoote
November 15th, 2012
2:11 pm
LOL………@For Real 2:07
Don’t give away all the secrets.
disco
November 15th, 2012
2:15 pm
for real – dang. where you get that friend count at? I do know a lot of chicks that really can’t keep friends (won’t go into all that though). me myself personally I have several friends that I’d cut for. friends that if something happened to them and no one would raise their kids I would do it. two of them are from childhood and the third we probably met about 12 years ago. acquaintances may come and go but my friendships are tight. (and just for ease of speech I generally say friend but often mean acquaintance).
kimmie – that was my pet peeve too. they acted like she pulled barack from a homeless shelter and helped him study for his GED test.
speaking of friends (acquaintances – lol) how come one just invited me to thanksgiving dinner. this is the same one that I told y’all makes the hardest, driest spaghetti I’ve ever encountered. child can’t cook a lick.
For Real
November 15th, 2012
2:16 pm
Kimmie: I agree with you and I too was surround by men and women that are/were very successful. What I didn’t like was some women started expecting every man to BO when they most certainly wasn’t MO.
MsA: So you are saying you couldn’t live with a man that’s giving 70% all the time?
kimmie
November 15th, 2012
2:17 pm
I saw this really cool bumper sticker the day after the election:
“Those who think it cannot be done should stay out of the way of the people who are actually doing it”
I have no trouble believeing anyone can do anything they put their minds to.
Sassy Me...Juicy Fruit ;-)
November 15th, 2012
2:18 pm
For Real is now giving Sassy some sugar.
You better not try to slip me a mickey
kimmie
November 15th, 2012
2:21 pm
For Real – Or expecting me to be Michelle when they were nowhere near a Barack!LOL!!!
I don’t like putting unrealistic expectations on people,but at the same time I expect you to at least try to be the best you can be at whatever it is you choose.
Comon Cents
November 15th, 2012
2:23 pm
What got on my nerves were brothers saying “see, Michelle stood by her man when he had nothing”? Uh, Michelle didn’t pull BO off the street and clean him up. He had finished Harvard Law and was an intern at the firm she worked at. She’s an Ivy Leaguer herself. That degree is like money in the bank. I’m not saying she married him only for his earning potential, but that’s just not an example of someone recognizing a diamond-in-the-rough and taking a chance on him.
Thank you!!! Worth repeating!
My brother went to an Ivy (Brown U) and when he got out of college, he made 15K more a year than anyone else in his department simply because he went to an Ivy. That is a guarantee of money in the bank.
Also, BO had true POTENTIAL. Not the I have a dream and a hustle potential, but the “I’ve worked really hard to get the credentials that are going to move US ahead” potential. BIG DIFFERENCE!!!
kimmie
November 15th, 2012
2:24 pm
And I also resent folks putting people in a catagory – Oh you’re black/female/male/physicaly challenged/gay/urban/rural//etc so you can’t _________!
Comon Cents
November 15th, 2012
2:25 pm
disco~ Ditto on the friends. I have 2. One is a soror that I have known since freshman year and one I have known since kindergarten. Anyone else is an acquaintance.
kimmie
November 15th, 2012
2:30 pm
Count me amongst the few true blue friends having. One is from elementary/HS/neighborhood. The other 3 from college. Made some very cool aquaintances along the way though.
Blackfoote: The Real Blackfoote
November 15th, 2012
2:33 pm
@Kimmie 2:17
I believe everybody has something in them they can contribute to mankind. Some people more than others reach down deep in their psyhce before getting exhausted and giving up. The President is one that digged deep and never got tired. Lot of others like that too.
Sassy Me...Juicy Fruit ;-)
November 15th, 2012
2:38 pm
I expect you to at least try to be the best you can be at whatever it is you choose.
Cosign. At least TRY and put in the effort. You have to work for what you want…it’s not a recipe…just add ____________ and stir. It takes mUch more than that..
Comon Cents
November 15th, 2012
2:41 pm
Sassy/kimmie~ Don’t you think that it takes a little more than trying?
Sassy, I know that you are a chemist (funny, I always think of a mad scientist when I see your name) and it took more than “trying” for you to get where you are. It took perseverence, dedication, a willingness to sacrifice for the greater good, intelligence and a whole lot of hard work.
kimmie~ I don’t know what you do for a living, but I would suspect that you needed a lot of those same attributes.
Blackfoote: The Real Blackfoote
November 15th, 2012
2:45 pm
It’s been fun as always, I wish everyone a safe trip home to greet your family. I know disco you and I live alone still be safe going home. There’s a lot of rain in the Carolina’s and you know those curves around the moutains can be treacherous.
Blackfoote: The Real Blackfoote
November 15th, 2012
2:48 pm
I forgot you too Sassy and Leggs, and all the folks that live by themself. Stay concsious and safe.
kimmie
November 15th, 2012
2:50 pm
Comon – Sure alot of factors come in to play, but trying is a start. Some don’t even do that.
I am a finance manager. I went to UGA undergrad & Ga State grad. There were times at both schools where I was not just the only AA, but the only woman! I would not trade my experience for the world. I stepped out of the box, because I come from a strong family of HBCU’s. My dad was a surgeon and my mom a teacher. Alot of their collegues, relatives and friends were trailblazers here in Atlanta and elsewhere. I am grateful for the examples they set and the expectations that had for me & my siblings.
For example, the late Dr Hamiliton Holmes, who integrated UGA, Emory Medical school and was Medical Director at Grady stichted up my knee when I was 12 years old. He is the one that inspired me to go to UGA.
I have seen what my people can do.
Sassy Me...Juicy Fruit ;-)
November 15th, 2012
2:54 pm
and it took more than “trying” for you to get where you are. It took perseverence, dedication, a willingness to sacrifice for the greater good, intelligence and a whole lot of hard work.
Of course it took more than trying but you have some poeple who won’t even do that…those are the ones on the sidelines mad cause they’re not on the field…and crying about this and/or that. You’ve got to put something on something in order to get anything worthy of having. It’s not some instant add _______________ and stir type isht…
Willie Dynamite
November 15th, 2012
2:56 pm
Stepping back in, went to lunch at my daughters school. I thought I was at the club with all the high heels and tight jeans. If they would’ve had a mini bar I might have posted up and dusted the jersey off. Hahaha
Leggs
November 15th, 2012
2:58 pm
Why are so many meetings snooze fests?
BF ~ you know me, very conscious of my surroundings. You should see me opening my own garage door and then going in laundry room making sure no one is hiding in there. Never too safe.
Sassy Me...Juicy Fruit ;-)
November 15th, 2012
2:58 pm
Aww thanks Blackfoote, you stay safe too!!
kimmie
November 15th, 2012
3:02 pm
Leggs – I hate meetings, but they can be a necessary evil!
Sassy Me...Juicy Fruit ;-)
November 15th, 2012
3:06 pm
Why are so many meetings snooze fests?
Lawd and don’t have one right after lunch…that’s a definite set up for a nap..
disco
November 15th, 2012
3:06 pm
BF – talking about those winding mountain roads… I went to the casino at Cherokee earlier this year. the state of north Carolina is dead wrong for the road leading to the casino. you would think they would make a better way. it was a straight up loop de loop. I can imagine a gps unit just saying “eff it” because you don’t know if you are going north south east or west. lol. I also remember thinking the whole area looked straight out of coal miner’s daughter.
Celisea
November 15th, 2012
3:07 pm
Having his back:
Too often, too many are looking for “easy.” First let me start off with relationship shouldn’t be difficult, so understand me before I speak. There’s cause to be cautious. I for one, am that person that will say what I ain’t gonna do. Yuuup, that would be me…if you go asking. If I were to hand out a checklist of all that I will do, then what? You still won’t know until time reveals. Right? You interested? Don’t ask me what I will or won’t do, dig a little deeper and get in where you fit in, if getting in is what you desire. I don’t apologize for that. If we’re at the point of you asking, apparently I’ve not done it (whatever “it” is) so, no. And it’s no, until it changes to yes….lol Why would I do a checklist of “yeah, I gets it all done, your ride or die til the end??” I thought having your back was more so a frame of mind, a reaction to a deepness that speaks to how I feel about you, that only time and situations will reveal. A woman ain’t gotta be a banner wearing, wide-open book and a dude don’t need to be blinded by the mouth of that “can do” girl. Things always eventually and naturally fall into place when folks are truly vibing and synched. You ain’t gotta ask because having his/her back will manifest. When I see you being the man you’re designed to be, I’m not afraid to become open and vunerable (I didn’t say stupid) and loving and caring and concerned for you. Oh and please kill “ride or die” mantra/theme….lol. Hopefully, we’re living like we got a few marbles left from being young and dumb and we aren’t having to get out of stuff or find outselves on the run (i.e. Bonnie and Clyde)…IJS For me, essentially and overall, patience is a virtue.
So, having said that, don’t go asking me stuff in order for you to gauge if you is or if you ain’t. That disqualifies you to “ain’t” status. Don’t ask me where you should place your hand or foot, like folks do with twister. Again, just go on and get in where you fit in. You can’t dive in unless I say so? You can’t move unless I say do this, that, this, that and that and then this??? Well, if that’s the case you are NOT the one for me. I like a take charge kind of man. I’m not easy and I don’t like easy my dang self. I didn’t say difficult, I said easy. IMO, something just ain’t right about easy….lol
Celisea
November 15th, 2012
3:07 pm
My bad…didn’t realize how long that was gonna be…ooops
Comon Cents
November 15th, 2012
3:08 pm
kimmie~ Why when you typed Dr. Hamilton Holmes did I immediately think of Dr. H.H. Holmes?!?
kimmie
November 15th, 2012
3:09 pm
disco – Coal Miner’s Daughter is one of my favority movies!
“You ain’t woman enough, to take my man!”
“When ya lookin at me, ya lookin at coun-tree”
LOL!!
kimmie
November 15th, 2012
3:12 pm
Comon – Some of the Jim Crow stuff my parents used to tell me they had to deal with used to blow my mind! I often wondered how I would have handled such. They had much strength, I tell ya!
disco
November 15th, 2012
3:13 pm
kimmie – I love that movie too. watch it over and over. my son straight clowned me some years back for knowing the words to the songs. lol. I like when she found out she was pregnant and dolittle said they finally found something she could do.
kimmie
November 15th, 2012
3:15 pm
Cel – Good post.
Leggs
November 15th, 2012
3:16 pm
Celisea ~ it’s ok. Revenue is low, so this one rates a fine of $63.50. Please pay at your earliest convenience.
Celisea
November 15th, 2012
3:19 pm
Kimmie – Thnx
Leggs – It always seem like you’re not saying THAT much, until you hit submit. My bad.