Does she have your back?
I was having dinner with a group of friends recently when the topic of loyalty came up. A lot of the men believed that a woman who was not loyal or unable to show support, is put in the category for “recreational purposes” only. In other words, they don’t take her seriously.
Most of the guys agreed that when a man sees that his woman supports him and has his back, it makes a huge difference in how he relates to her. It is something that a lot of men value when they have it, and can definitely tell when they don’t. How hard is it to find a loyal woman to date though?
I figured women are already hard wired to be nurturing and supportive. Surely, they meet many women who can have their back, right? Noooooope. Apparently, some women find it difficult to do, and some men think this is the reason their dating relationships don’t work out.
What do you think? Do you generally meet and date people who seem willing and able to be supportive? Do you think this is something that is only shown over time within a committed relationship?
If you are in a relationship now, do you feel like they have your back? How long did it take before you felt that they did
By Wise Diva, Misadventures in Atlanta Dating Blog
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187 comments Add your comment
Comon Cents
November 15th, 2012
10:59 am
disco~ Someone once told me that if you break up, you can actually divide the relationship in half and you have been breaking up half the time that you were together. (IE~ If you were together for 8, you were breaking up for 4)
He got the side eye for that… 
kimmie
November 15th, 2012
11:00 am
Morning beautiful blog peeps!!!
Hey Foote, good to read ya!!
On topic – My hubs and I have had each other’s back from the beginning, I feel. But yes, in some of my past relationships I know I put in more than I got out, emotionally anyway. I felt used and taken advantage of, but hey you live and you learn. I learned that while everything will not be 50/50 all the time, things need to balance out at the end of the day. There will be days when I will be needing more and days I’ll be giving more. But on those days that I’m needing and he’s coming up short every time, well Houston we have a problem.
Oh and yeah Exiled, I will say up front there are some things I just “ain’t gonna do”. I’m ride-or-die to a point. I’m not going to jail for no dude, so miss me with your illegal requests. Or being there for you while you make stupid decisions that put me & the kids lives in jeopardy. Just not happening!
Leggs
November 15th, 2012
11:01 am
SassyMe ~ nothing showing up. Postini comes on at 11:00 showing me if emails have been dumped there.
Blackfoote: The Real Blackfoote
November 15th, 2012
11:03 am
@Sassy it’s a cool wet day and some couples didn’t want to get out of bed so they decided to stay home warm and dry in bed with a splash of sweat.
Sassy Me...Juicy Fruit ;-)
November 15th, 2012
11:04 am
Okay no problem…
Leggs
November 15th, 2012
11:08 am
Sassy, you’ve been dropped in my junk email. Just retrieved.
disco
November 15th, 2012
11:08 am
CC – I’ve heard that too but I don’t buy into it. maybe if we “went together for two weeks” but I’m not wasting years trying to decide I want out. sure, some do but I’m not one of them.
hey kimmie!!! (I think I just like saying hey kimmie. I don’t know any kimmies). lol.
Blackfoote: The Real Blackfoote
November 15th, 2012
11:09 am
Heey Kimmie glad to be back adding my 2 cents to the blog.
Sassy Me...Juicy Fruit ;-)
November 15th, 2012
11:12 am
Blackfoote that sounds like a great idea…maybe that’s what’s going on. I ain’t mad,though, cause if I could I probably would’ve done the same thing.
Leggs
November 15th, 2012
11:13 am
“…they decided to stay home warm and dry in bed with a splash of sweat.” – Cute!
kimmie
November 15th, 2012
11:15 am
Hey Disco!
Leggs
November 15th, 2012
11:16 am
A man wants to hear his woman tell him she honors him, she supports/trusts his decisions, respects him and has his back 110%.
Single and Happy
November 15th, 2012
11:16 am
Comon, Disco, on the half, if you listen to folks, they complain about the same ole stuff for years before they decide it’s not going to change and move on.
Leggs
November 15th, 2012
11:17 am
Like The Moments said, “Love is a Two-Way Street” not to be lost on a lonely highway riding solo.
Single and Happy
November 15th, 2012
11:20 am
Kimmie, it’s not even that deep as to go to jail, but it’s the I aint going to support no man, I aint going to pay any bills, I aint going to suck no **** see where I’m going with this. Even if a woman tells me there are certain things she’s not going to do until she’s married she’s got to go. The only thing she can say she’s not going to do is have sex until marriage.
Exiled!
November 15th, 2012
11:20 am
No illegal requests here,that wasn’t me suggesting that Kimmie.
I ain’t the Bonnie and Clyde type myself.
Blackfoote: The Real Blackfoote
November 15th, 2012
11:24 am
Sassy I know that’s right today is a great day to stay warm and dry in bed with a splash of sweat every couple of hours……………LOL
Leggs you’re too funny.
kimmie
November 15th, 2012
11:31 am
Single – Oh I totally get where you are going and being the man you read like, I would expect nothing more. But you would be surprised what “having my back” means to alot of men. No it might not be as extreme as the examples I gave, but it comes pretty close, the requests some dudes have actually had the nerve to work their mouth to ask me. It might be something like expecting me to stand by you while you blow the rent/mortgage money on that 15th get-rich-quick scheme that never pans out. Then we have to worry about getting put out of our place ONCE AGAIN! That’s the stuff I’m talking about.
kimmie
November 15th, 2012
11:32 am
Exiled – I know you didn’t mean that, I was just taking it further. Check my 11:31 to Single. That’s what I’m talking about.
Leggs
November 15th, 2012
11:37 am
Leggs you’re too funny.
Yes, I am, BF!
Exiled!
November 15th, 2012
11:41 am
Although I will say this Kimmie(and in a fast rambling and speedy,incoherent way,the way those commercials do with the verbal fine print)
Queentcametobailyourboyouttadekakbjailonetime!
Sassy Me...Juicy Fruit ;-)
November 15th, 2012
11:42 am
today is a great day to stay warm and dry in bed with a splash of sweat every couple of hours
A splash…I want to be drenched. A splash sounds like a warm up routine or something, if I’m missing work we ’bout to get good n Schweaty (love that SNL skit)
Comon Cents
November 15th, 2012
11:45 am
Sassy~ Schweaty Ballz… LMAO! I love that too!
Comon Cents
November 15th, 2012
11:46 am
Y’all got me up in here singing:
Up in the skrip club I get love for bout $500…
Blackfoote: The Real Blackfoote
November 15th, 2012
11:47 am
LOL…..@Sassy I hear ya.
Sassy Me...Juicy Fruit ;-)
November 15th, 2012
11:50 am
SANG it Comon
Jake-SPJTWB
November 15th, 2012
11:51 am
what up peeps, yep, its important for both parties to have each other’s back…
Hey Ex, you too….my baby has had to Bond me out before…and she did so without a peep, no how you get in this situation blah, blah, blah,etc,etc..she know the man was fuggin wit me….lol
Of course I have done the show up like superman cause she got her car booted, caught a flat, etc..
kimmie
November 15th, 2012
11:53 am
Exiled – I ain’t mad at Queen, I’d help my hubs out long as he didn’t make a habit/lifestyle out of it!!
I was dating this dude once that was getting into politics. There was some big Patreaus-like scandal going on in the news at the time with some big politician. I told him if we ever married, don’t expect me to stand there on the news next to him looking like an idiot and humiliated after he’s gotten himself caught up in some nasty mess with some skank!
Leggs
November 15th, 2012
11:58 am
Well, kimmie, I don’t recall seeing a black woman stand next to her philandering husband during a new conference in a very long time. If I remember correctly, Herman Cain’s wife didn’t stand there either (even though she seemed to have stood by her man off camera).
Dani
November 15th, 2012
12:03 pm
I told the ex if you go to jail for DUI or defending yourself I will come to bail you out. If you go for dealing drugs call your momma. He said that was cold hearted.
Blackfoote: The Real Blackfoote
November 15th, 2012
12:03 pm
What’s up Jake man I had a friend call me for bail because he didn’t want his wife to find out, sometimes you have to help a bro out of those situations……………LOL
It was cool though it only happend once.
Willie Dynamite
November 15th, 2012
12:03 pm
Afternoon all,
Loyalty is different things to different people. I don’t need a true ride or die type chick cause I’m not in that lifestyle no more. I do my best to show and prove that I’m the HOH. I don’t need a cheerleader or a support group. I feel her loyalty by just knowing she saw enough in me to wanna be the Mrs.
Not to steal Ex’s mantra but I know I’m the King. I also know the King doesn’t hold all the power.
Blackfoote: The Real Blackfoote
November 15th, 2012
12:13 pm
Willie D.
Being the HOH that’s a wonderful feeling, means you’re ready for any and all takers.
Willie Dynamite
November 15th, 2012
12:24 pm
BF- and givers.
Comon Cents
November 15th, 2012
12:25 pm
Oh Lawd, Jake, BF & Willie got me moving on to Tammy Wynette~
Stand by your man….
disco
November 15th, 2012
12:27 pm
S/H – re that 11:20 of yours, I’m sure it only applies to things that she’s not going to do that you just so happen to want her to do. lol.
BF – that’s funny. he must have known his wife was the type that didn’t play. lol.
BF/willie D – yes being HOH is a beautiful thing and I don’t say that speaking as one. I say it speaking as one waiting on a brother to come into my life and take the title. thing is, a lot of these busters just want the title and not the work.
Single and Happy
November 15th, 2012
12:29 pm
Kimmie, when they start doing stupid $iht, push them in the back, (away from you) (LOL)
Single and Happy
November 15th, 2012
12:34 pm
Disco, no it isn’t, like ex said these are things that are said in general conversation while getting to know the person. I never try to persuade someone to do anything they don’t want to do, because I’m not going to go anything I don’t want to do.
Disco, maybe BF friends wife had told him if you go to jail again, don’t call me (LOL)
disco
November 15th, 2012
12:39 pm
S/H – my argument essentially is you likely won’t have a problem with the things a woman “ain’t going to do” as long as they are things that you don’t mind her not doing anyway. I was just calling you out on that blanket statement.
MsAtl
November 15th, 2012
12:44 pm
Kimmie- I feel you on your 11:00 & 11:31. I can be ride or die to a certain extent, but at some point, it’s time to jump off.
Jake- I may bond you out once, but it will not be a habit. I bonded the ex out (doing 13 mph in a 65 zone) & he was mad because I didn’t get there fast enough. I told him that was his one pass.
Kimmie & Leggs- on the scandal thing. Umm, yeah, I will not be standing next to you with a plastic support my man smile on as you admit to some scandal; my tail will be two sheets in the wind!
Willie- I know you said you don’t need a cheerleader, but at any rate, {{back pat}}. I am sure she appreciates it.
MsAtl
November 15th, 2012
12:46 pm
That should have been 135 miles per hour in a 65 zone. As in twice the speed limit.
Single and Happy
November 15th, 2012
12:48 pm
Disco, I see your point, but to me when a person is filled with I aints. I won’t, the same goes for someone that complains about everything all the time, we’re not going to make a good couple. because one day i’m going to say will you shut the hell up (LOL) you can say I don’t feel comfortable doing that, that’s not something I enjoy doing or something else but I aint just doesn’t cut it
Comon Cents
November 15th, 2012
12:48 pm
MsAtl was married to a super speeder!
disco
November 15th, 2012
12:52 pm
S/H – okay. I’m fairly open minded but cool believe I will let a fellow (a chick, a boss, whoever) know that there are some thangs I just ain’t going to do. lol. I think of my grandma with that never say never. I always figured for some things you can most def say never.
Sassy Me...Juicy Fruit ;-)
November 15th, 2012
12:53 pm
a lot of these busters just want the title and not the work.
CHURCH!!
Been there,done that and ended it. Being HOH is a title that’s earned not given all willie nillie (pun intended). Too many boys out here faking the funk like they’re men…and have no clue what it takes to wear that hat. Sadly there are women out there who give the title to men they KNOW can’t handle the responsibility..and frankly don’t want to.
Single and Happy
November 15th, 2012
12:56 pm
Hmm I wonder where would I be in life if I had the support of a good woman (daydreaming)
MsAtl
November 15th, 2012
1:06 pm
Comon- you just don’t know, Lol. I got a personal call at work from the po-po telling me they picked him up and for me to come get him. Thing is, I hired him an attorney & he got off with a fine.
S/H- who knows? Behind every great man is a phenomenal woman; just ask Mr. President.
Sassy Me...Juicy Fruit ;-)
November 15th, 2012
1:14 pm
Behind every great man is a phenomenal woman; just ask Mr. President.
Okay?! That’s the epitome of our discussion…yep perfect example.
Blackfoote: The Real Blackfoote
November 15th, 2012
1:17 pm
LOL……….@disco & Single you mentioned his wife told him not call her again, exactly he would have been sitting in there until further notified according to his wife.
Comon I like a lady that stands by her man of course……………(To A Certain Extent)……….LOL
Exiled!
November 15th, 2012
1:22 pm
MsAtl…are u sure its not 13 mph in a 65 mp hour zone,really sure?
Coz he may have been cruising,slow,hunting!
Mr Atl….eyes wide open…looks left…quickly looks right
Some bootey comes outta the shadows
………..slowing down his car and parks…..
And Bam! flashing blue lights((()())))))((())…
Officer: yes sir MrAtl,u live in Alpharetta,what ate u doing here on Cleveland avenue?