Dating: Other people’s opinion
A lot of us are taking home dates for the holidays..some for the first time. You may want to prepare yourself (and your date!) for the onslaught of opinions from parents, distant relatives, and/or close friends.
They may have opinions about the way your date is dressed, their manners, or even the way they treat you when everyone is around. When you are surrounded by people that love you, they tend to be a bit opinionated, a tad judgmental about the people that you date. The key is how you handle all those well-intentioned comments and opinions.
What is the best way to handle a situation where your family is putting your date through the wringer? Do you abandon them and let them fend for themselves? Do you run interference and serve as a buffer to protect them from awkward conversations?
Have you ever taken a date home for the holidays and it turned into a disaster?
Would you break up with someone if they didn’t fare well with the “meet the family” introductions?
By Wise Diva, Misadventures in Atlanta Dating Blog
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239 comments Add your comment
Leggs
November 14th, 2012
12:08 pm
That’s still drama, comon. All drama isn’t loud drama (lol).
Single and Happy
November 14th, 2012
12:12 pm
You know the saying “you can’t chose your family, but you can chose your friends!” the way some members of some families act, would you be friends with them? but you feel like you have to tolerate it because they are family.
Comon ¢
November 14th, 2012
12:13 pm
Leggs~ True…
I guess I just don’t understand it because I would rather talk it out and get it over with than sit in uncomfortable silence or forced convo. It’s not like I killed his dog or he did drugs with my son. There is no major issue. So, my thought is just “Let’s talk about it and move on!”
The hubs keeps gently reminding me that that’s not how my family works…
Comon ¢
November 14th, 2012
12:14 pm
the way some members of some families act, would you be friends with them? but you feel like you have to tolerate it because they are family.
That is a resounding “HELL NAW!!!”, Single.
czBrat ♀ birth date: 11/21; big chop: 11/12
November 14th, 2012
12:14 pm
we have loads of fun, food, music & laughter when we gather. no fighting.
one thing i never could handle about the ex is that his family was prone to too much drinking & fighting whenever they got together. they’d start cussing each other out and telling each others’ business. we don’t play like that. .
Single and Happy
November 14th, 2012
12:14 pm
Comon, if there are no major issues, then what is it, if you don’t mind me asking?
disco
November 14th, 2012
12:20 pm
S/H – I have lots of family members that if we weren’t related I wouldn’t fool with them. still, I wasn’t raised to turn my back on family. so, as a compromise, I moved far, far away. lol. naw. it’s all good. also, I don’t trip because the reality is everybody’s family has at least one. anybody fronting like they got the “perfect little happy family” is delusional.
Leggs
November 14th, 2012
12:22 pm
“…the way some members of some families act, would you be friends with them? but you feel like you have to tolerate it because they are family.
NOT AT ALL!!! We barely behave as blood relatives as it is, so you definitely wouldn’t be in my circle of friends. Perhaps a distant associate, that’s about it.
Single and Happy
November 14th, 2012
12:23 pm
disco, I have the perfect little happy family …………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………till we get together (LOL) then all hell breaks loose (LOL)
HST
November 14th, 2012
12:23 pm
Afternoon Bloggers…
I’ve been with the same girl for almost 13 years happily unmarried. She’s always been my main squeeze, and now my only one. We’re always together for every holiday – since 2000. We now have our own holiday traditions – our favorite is our ‘Misfit Thanksgiving’ – that we enjoy with my son mostly.
We have never done one thing with each others’ family, and we love it that way. We always have excuses to get out of family gatherings. We’re never subject to the others family’s craziness; and IMO, it really makes it easier on us. We always use each other as an excuse for whatever reason. That closes any further discussion for us with our family’s.
I do like my EX’s parents and extended family, but now we only have contact at my Son’s events. We always pick up right were we left, and have a good time. My GF sees them as well, and we all get along fine. I have met and hung out with my GF’s sisters (2), but they live far away. I have let my GF meet a cousin whom also lives far away, but that’s it.
I really think it’s advantageous to us and our lifestyle. It completely drives my mom and sister nuts, but they deserve it; however, that isn’t to suggest that I don’t love them dearly.
Comon ¢
November 14th, 2012
12:26 pm
Comon, if there are no major issues, then what is it, if you don’t mind me asking?
That’s just it; I don’t know. We were close when we were kids. I introduced him to his wife, for Christ’s sake. The only thing that I can think of is that my bro is a recovering alcoholic (in fact, I went and got him out of the Hotel and drove him to rehab) and I think that he believes everyone who drinks is an alcoholic (A lot of people who have been through AA feel that way) and I think that the fact I defend drunks offends him. Mind you, he has never said this, but it is the tone that I catch.
czBrat ♀ birth date: 11/21; big chop: 11/12
November 14th, 2012
12:26 pm
soooo, speaking of family acceptance. how bout my big bro flat out told me to NOT marry if things are just fine between us.
this from a man who just celebrated his 35th anniversary.
Celisea
November 14th, 2012
12:28 pm
HST, you should blog more often
I LOVE reading your stories 
stories on tradition of family’s or families are always a good read!!
Comon ¢
November 14th, 2012
12:28 pm
this from a man who just celebrated his 35th anniversary.
Well, then it seems ike he would know…
Comon ¢
November 14th, 2012
12:29 pm
HST~ What is “Misfit Thanksgiving”?
Single and Happy
November 14th, 2012
12:29 pm
Dang comon, almost the same, me and my brother weren’t that close, growing up I don’t have any memory of him before I was 8 years old. but the thing that really put a wedge in our relationship was when he got saved and from that point on everything everybody else did was wrong.
Leggs
November 14th, 2012
12:30 pm
HST ~ Too bad you’re unhappily married. Why you staying???
Comon ¢
November 14th, 2012
12:31 pm
S/H~ Wanna be my big brother?
We can be sinners together!
Sassy Me...Juicy Fruit ;-)
November 14th, 2012
12:31 pm
they’d start cussing each other out and telling each others’ business.
I’ve got some extended family like that in Chucktown (Charleston). My uncle’s in-laws fight like pitbulls on long chains with each other AND/OR other people….they don’t discriminate. I have to admit that sometimes when things get said we’re like
at first….then things start falling in place and we have that “ooohh…so that’s why so and so acts/looks like that”. Then we have a good laugh about it…don’t judge me.
HST
November 14th, 2012
12:31 pm
Misfit Thanksgiving: I gather all my wayward friends, and throw a feast followed by debauchery.
disco
November 14th, 2012
12:32 pm
C – I was thinking the same thing re HST’s post. I love my family. I’m sure any guy I’m with will love his family but a lot of folks put so much emphasis on that extended family that they lose focus on the nucleus. that tiny little nub of family is what it’s all about, day in and day out. and, by no means am I taking from the others. goodness knows I LOVED growing up with a zillion cousins. probably wouldn’t say the same about a zillion siblings though.
Comon ¢
November 14th, 2012
12:32 pm
HST~ Can I get on that list?
czBrat ♀ birth date: 11/21; big chop: 11/12
November 14th, 2012
12:34 pm
the thing that really put a wedge in our relationship was when he got saved
oooh. that one can be really hard to handle if the newly anointed becomes holier than thou.
HST
November 14th, 2012
12:34 pm
Leggs, simply put, it’s what makes me and us happy. Our lifestyle is all about us, unless it’s about my son. I could think of a better way for me to live.
disco
November 14th, 2012
12:34 pm
sassy – those family fallouts can be good. also, when good friends fall out. you know the ones that have been friends for 20 years. boy skeleton bones be flying all over the place.
CC – I ain’t mad at your game. you are recruiting big brothers, getting on invite lists. work your thang girl. work it.
Leggs
November 14th, 2012
12:35 pm
sorry, HST. You said happily unmarried, not married unhappily. I immediately transposed the letters. WOW.
HST
November 14th, 2012
12:35 pm
CC, yes you may.
HST
November 14th, 2012
12:36 pm
Leggs, funny how that happens…
Comon ¢
November 14th, 2012
12:36 pm
Hey! A lot of times the family you choose is 1000 times better than the family you were born into… IJS
Comon ¢
November 14th, 2012
12:36 pm
Even if I don’t get on the list, I may have to steal the idea…
Single and Happy
November 14th, 2012
12:37 pm
sure lil sis (looking up at you) (LOL)
Disco, my family knows they may or may not see me during holidays, I’ve always thought instead of following the extended family traditions, why not start your own!
czBrat ♀ birth date: 11/21; big chop: 11/12
November 14th, 2012
12:38 pm
sassy, maybe it’s an SC affliction. my ex’ fam is from beaufort.
early on i was kinda like the deer in headlights. his fam even brought me to tears a time or two.
after a couple years i got better at recognizing the signs. i’d scoop up the kids, grab the car keys and tell hubs to get a ride home.
Leggs
November 14th, 2012
12:38 pm
HST ~ that’s the kind of Thanksgiving I’d like to have. Glad you will be having a blast surrounded by like minded people who love each other and enjoy each other’s company. Can I get a TOOT TOOT….
HST
November 14th, 2012
12:39 pm
edit: couldn’t not could – oops.
Single and Happy
November 14th, 2012
12:40 pm
comon, it’s better because instead of being part of the drama, you can sit back and laugh at the drama (LOL)
Leggs
November 14th, 2012
12:40 pm
HST ~ it’s amazing how that happens. I read the rest of your post saying “he doesn’t sound unhappy to me.” Then I read it a second time and saw my mistake.
HST
November 14th, 2012
12:42 pm
CC, you’re wise, moreover, it’s all yours to enjoy…
Leggs, TOOT TOOT for sure. It really is just that…
Exiled!
November 14th, 2012
12:43 pm
Common..isn’t also(I’m speculating here) drunks are told to stay away at all costs from dranks and folks who drank?
He may just be avoiding getting sucked back in knowing simple whiff may trigger it.
HST
November 14th, 2012
12:43 pm
Leggs, you’re not the first. Your first reaction is an imprinting, and your second is thought.
HST
November 14th, 2012
12:45 pm
Exiled! and CC, it’s called dry drunk syndrome. It’s hard for recovered alcoholics seeing others with their BF, and enjoying themselves properly. That’s something that didn’t happen for them, and becomes an issue for them.
disco
November 14th, 2012
12:46 pm
ex – and you know some folks ain’t no good. offering him a slice of rum cake. “oh there ain’t hardly no liquor in this here cake”. then those after dinner candies with the liquer filling. that’s how it gets started. lol.
Single and Happy
November 14th, 2012
12:47 pm
Common..isn’t also(I’m speculating here) drunks are told to stay away at all costs from dranks and folks who drank? Now how would this be possible if he usually takes cruises or family vacations (IJS) while it’s possible for drug attics to do it, alcohol is so common that would be almost impossible.
Leggs
November 14th, 2012
12:47 pm
Exactly, HST, imprinting then thought.
Comon ¢
November 14th, 2012
12:48 pm
isn’t also(I’m speculating here) drunks are told to stay away at all costs from dranks and folks who drank?
Off course I am not crass enough to drink around my brother. I realize that even though he has been sober for over 10 years, he’s still an alcoholic.
Sassy Me...Juicy Fruit ;-)
November 14th, 2012
12:50 pm
when good friends fall out. you know the ones that have been friends for 20 years. boy skeleton bones be flying all over the place.
Say Whaaat?! That’s when we find out who was messing with whom now AND back in the day….and who’s brothers n sisters but never knew…hell all sorts of things come out and I’m a fly on the wall to it all.
after a couple years i got better at recognizing the signs. i’d scoop up the kids, grab the car keys and tell hubs to get a ride home
Toooo funny
Man another meeting..read y’all a lil later…
Exiled!
November 14th, 2012
12:51 pm
Maybe he just resends Common underneath…he was a drunk and Common knows the Whole scoop…
Sprinkle in sibling rivalry (from afar) and there u have it.
I can see that…
Single and Happy
November 14th, 2012
12:53 pm
after a couple years i got better at recognizing the signs. i’d scoop up the kids, grab the car keys and tell hubs to get a ride home all I can see is the scene in the color purple before the fight started between squeek and sophia, Time to go (LOL)
Dani
November 14th, 2012
12:53 pm
I read this blog all the time. I have only posted a couple of times but thought I would ask for suggestions. I have a dilemma this will be my 1st Thanksgiving with out my 2 kids since my divorce. I am used to them going with their dad every other weekend and nights during the week and other holidays. But for some reason I’m really sad we won’t be together this year. I need some suggestions on what to do/what place to eat when you are kid free for Thanksgiving.
Single and Happy
November 14th, 2012
12:55 pm
Dani, volunteer
Exiled!
November 14th, 2012
1:00 pm
How about going with a close friend to their Thanxgiving
Don’t u have family yourself,mom,dad,brother sisters cousins uncles
@Dani