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Should trust be proven?

You know things have become serious when you get access to someone’s home. I can remember the feeling of glee when a guy says, “Let yourself in, I will be home later.” Men don’t trust their homes, cars, or precious possessions with just anyone!

I know many people who wait a very long time before they feel comfortable with someone. One of my friends is dating a guy who is “really great, but has a hang up with trusting women.” I didn’t think it was anything abnormal until the dude asked for the passwords to her cellphone, email, and social media accounts.

Now, why would anyone think this is a good thing to ask for? Apparently, he believes that she needs to prove that she trusts him. The only way to do this is to give full access to him for “spot checks.” The most disturbing thing is that she is actually considering it.

Have you ever dated anyone who went a little overboard with their trust issues? How did you handle it? We all have our hang ups but is this something you think you could deal with?

What would you do if the person you were dating wanted to get access to your personal information?

Do you think that you should have to prove that you trust someone – or is this a jedi mind trick about control?

By Wise Diva, Misadventures in Atlanta Dating Blog

148 comments Add your comment

lee

November 12th, 2012
6:54 am

Wowy.. No i am not giving anyone access to my personal stuff and neither should she. That sounds like he is controlling – if his trust issues are that bad he might want to seek professional treatment to get to the root of the matter.

Jedi mind trick — thats funny.

Single and Happy

November 12th, 2012
6:55 am

RED FLAGS SENDING A SEMAPHORE MESSAGE TO RUN NOT WALK BUT RUN AWAY AS FAST AS YOU CAN If you got to prove yourself to someone then they are not the one! This guy has some serious issues that he really needs to work out by himself,/strong> How can someone be “Really Great, but” if he was truly really great, there would be no buts!!

Howdy All

Single and Happy

November 12th, 2012
6:58 am

or is this a jedi mind trick about control? I’m missing the trick here, It’s all about control. Didn’t see any mention of him proven anything to her!!

I like my coffee black!

November 12th, 2012
7:52 am

live trustworthy

Exiled!

November 12th, 2012
8:06 am

Should trust be proven

Ofcourse!
The question is, proven how?

You can do it subtly,by just observing OR you can test someone,like dude is doing to Diva’s friend!

It’s better to do that Jedi to a loud mouth chic that’s mouthing lotta of ‘I luv u’ hot air when u derneath u smelling and observing shenanigans.

‘ Gimme the password!’ :lol: you should see her jaw drop,looking at him like a deer in headlight! :lol:

See,some Atlanta females play game.

So u ask them,’Prove it!’ :lol:

Hey MIA

Button

November 12th, 2012
8:57 am

Men don’t trust their homes, cars, or precious possessions with just anyone! Yeah but they’ll trust their pen#s to anyone!

Big Al

November 12th, 2012
8:58 am

I’ll take identify theft for $1,000, Alex.

Button

November 12th, 2012
9:01 am

I dated a guy who gave me the pin number to his bank card. I was making a store run one day and asked him if he needed anything, he handed his atm card to me along with the pin number and said get xyz for me please. I could’ve mozied (sp) over to the atm to check out his balance but I didn’t. I looked at it this way, he trusted me enough to give his pin number to make a purchase so I need to be an adult and do just that, make a purchase.

Single and Happy

November 12th, 2012
9:03 am

Button, that was a good guy, not giving my pin to anyone!! He probably changed it as soon as you got back (LOL)

Button

November 12th, 2012
9:05 am

LOL Single, naw I don’t think so, I used it pretty much the duration of the datingship.

Button

November 12th, 2012
9:06 am

Some people are trusting or just that naive to giving access to their personal information. I would never do such a thing but, I’ve known for it to happen.

Button

November 12th, 2012
9:16 am

LOL Dude is ubber nutso! how in the sam hill does he think doing “spot check” on a woman he’s dating will prove anything? if anything it will prove he’s got major trust issues and controlling along with baseline emotional abuse. That’s asinine! Checking her phone proves nothing, there is a delete button, so does email and media sites. He’s crazy and if she gives up her access she needs to be examine also. She’s setting herself up for some serious backlash from this dude, best thing for her to do is run not walk to the nearest exit.

Comon ¢

November 12th, 2012
9:32 am

Danger, Will Robinson! Danger! (said with my arms flailing about like the robot from Lost in Sapce)

There is no way in sam Hell I am giving someone I’m dating access to all of those things. Now, my husband? Sure. I don’t mind him looking through my phone, at my email, on my FB, or whatever. But someone I’m DATING?!? Awww heyals to the naw!

Good morning, bloggies!

Comon ¢

November 12th, 2012
9:32 am

I also cosign on Big Al’s 8:58…

i'm swiss

November 12th, 2012
9:49 am

Morning, blogville. Blogging from the airport this AM.

On topic: Uh, that’s just a tad psycho.

Off topic: Congrats to my DAWGS on getting back to the SECCG.

And pat on the back to myself: ALTA city champs! :D

i'm swiss

November 12th, 2012
9:51 am

Howdy, @Comon. How was your weekend?

Single and Happy

November 12th, 2012
9:52 am

Comon, I would never ask, my girlfriend/SO/wife for any of those, if I can’t trust you then I can’t be with you!! I think everyone deserves respect when it comes to their privacy.

Button, so you just whipped it on him (LOL)

Button

November 12th, 2012
9:52 am

Button

November 12th, 2012
9:54 am

see there Single, it wasn’t even like that lol
I guessed he just trusted me a heckalot too bad I couldn’t say the same for him :lol:

Comon ¢

November 12th, 2012
9:57 am

Good morning, swiss! Until the Falcons lost, my weekend was awesome. Went to GT basketball game on Friday, got hemmed up with my ghetto cousin-in-laws on Saturday and laid around and watched football on Sunday. How about you?

BTW, congrats on your ALTA championship! That’s AWESOME!

Button

November 12th, 2012
9:58 am

I believe most people will let you into their life at a certian extent even while being married. I can honestly say that my first husband never knew my personal information. I knew his for business purposes but he never asked for or saw my sensitive credentials. I did all the taxes and other matters.

Comon ¢

November 12th, 2012
10:00 am

S/H~ It’s not that he asked me for them, just the way things go. Trying to pull up a receipt for a purchase? Oh, just go in my email and it should be saved in such & such a folder. Can you log into my FB and see if so & so responded to my question about the family reunion? Etc, etc. etc. Because he’s my spouse (whom I should trust above all others) not a big deal. And since I have no dirt, I don’t care if he looks at it. The other half of that is, he never looks unless I ask him because he trusts me. I have his passwords and I don’t look. ***shrugs***

i'm swiss

November 12th, 2012
10:14 am

@Comon — My weekend was great. Brought home the big plate Saturday morning, watched the DAWGS dominate, and finished painting the little one’s nursery.

Comon ¢

November 12th, 2012
10:18 am

Awww… what’s the nursey theme?

Leggs

November 12th, 2012
10:23 am

“…he believes that she needs to prove that she trusts him. The only way to do this is to give full access to him for “spot checks.” The most disturbing thing is that she is actually considering it. – That is extremely said. Your trust issues aren’t my trust issues, and given the extent of our relationship (not married), you don’t get full access to all that is me. Throw arrows at me if you like, but I’m not going to succumb, submit, appease you because YOU need control. This is a flag on the play that I’m not willing to ignore. AND, the fact that she’s considering it tells me she has her own issues.

i'm swiss

November 12th, 2012
10:24 am

Well, no theme, really. Just pink. Very, very pink. Lol

Alright, gotta hop on a plane. Have a good one, folks!

Leggs

November 12th, 2012
10:28 am

Cool, I see no one will be throwing arrows at me!

Good morning!

Comon ~ honesty is always the best policy (lol).

kimmie

November 12th, 2012
10:37 am

Morning All!!

Leggs – I’m with you, the disturbing thng about this is that she’s considering it. She obviously wouldn’t know a psycho control-freak if he slapped her in the mouth! If she’s that stupid to actually consider this, she deserves whatever comes with it. I’m bout like Disco on this one. If she were my friends she’d be 2 inches away from getting slapped!

Every adult should have a certain amount of privacy, married or otherwise. My hubs does not have passwords to all those things, but if he needed them for something I’d have no problem sharing. But then he’s my HUSBAND!! I just have never believed in sharing financial info with a BOYFRIEND. That’s one of those benefits you get for putting a ring on it for me. Keys to each other’s place after you’ve been seeing each other awhile – cool. Access to the bank accounts and phone & you are not married – nope!

I’m trying to think of how I would react if a dude I dated has asked for such so he could do “spot checks”, like he’s my parol officer or something. I probably would bust out laughing!!

Belle with Wisdom

November 12th, 2012
10:43 am

Trust is earned. But no one gets a key unless, there is a ring and commitment. Not worried about identity theft or taking anything, I’ve got safeguards in place. But complete access demands complete commitment.

DuShawn

November 12th, 2012
10:45 am

I remember dating this young lady, we were intimate within two weeks and the third week she gave me a set of keys to her place. Ironically, her being so trusting made me distrustful of her. I appreciated the gesture, but thought that it was strange and way too soon. I always, in the back of my mind, believed she was up to something.

Belle with Wisdom

November 12th, 2012
10:46 am

…unless its family and they don’t all get that either!

Comon ¢

November 12th, 2012
10:47 am

Du~ I agree. If you want to be so open with me and we barely know each other, I’m watching for the hook.

Comon ¢

November 12th, 2012
10:49 am

Off Topic~ Did y’all see that Amanda Davis from Fox 5 was arrested for DUI early Sunday morning?

cba

November 12th, 2012
10:55 am

@Comon- my wife texted me and asked had I heard about Amanda; got me all scared.
I’m a fan but she has a history. I saw her mug shot on wsbtv.

Belle with Wisdom

November 12th, 2012
10:58 am

@Common- just because you refuse a field sobriety test (which you should) does not mean she was drunk. I like her and I’m going to wait and see.

Leggs

November 12th, 2012
11:02 am

I’m trying to think of how I would react if a dude I dated has asked for such so he could do “spot checks” – Since I know myself well, I would first laugh, tell him “you have got to be kidding me,” then laugh again and walk into kitchen, bathroom, some other room to digest as much as I can away from him for those few seconds. Then turn around and laugh again. How he handles that pretty much will dictate whether we will see each other again cuz which is probably falls in the category of “ain’t happening!”

Comon ~ :shock: really. Hadn’t heard that. I’ve always heard stories over the years of other stuff she may have been involved with, but have no idea if those were true. DUI. Hey, it’s the luck of the draw for anyone who drinks. We all could get tagged any time we leave somewhere from drinking. Depending on the strength of that first drink, you can be above the limit.

Comon ¢

November 12th, 2012
11:07 am

Belle~ I didn’t say she was drunk; I said she was arrested for DUI. Big difference.

I like Amanda Davis as well. (In fact, I would love to represent her. This is a great case since she neither blew nor took the Breathalyzer).

Leggs

November 12th, 2012
11:08 am

cba ~ yes sir…she has history. I’ve met her a few times and she’s very personable.

Comon ¢

November 12th, 2012
11:08 am

Leggs~ I fully agree. Spot checks?!? :shock: Where dey do dat at? :lol:

disco

November 12th, 2012
11:13 am

good morning y’all. of course y’all are showing y’all’s crazy this early in the a.m. I’m not saying I have trust issues but I will say it takes a bit longer for me to share like all that. no man (other than my son and my brother) has ever had a key to my place. ever. I do know chicks that give up the keys real quick but I’m not her. no man other than my son has ever had a pin number to a debit card of mine. not saying I don’t trust folks just saying I trust folks to do what I expect them to do.

Comon ¢

November 12th, 2012
11:16 am

It should also be duly noted that Amanda has a history of DUI. She was arrested twice in the 90’s for DUI.

Leggs

November 12th, 2012
11:20 am

“The only way to do this is to give full access to him for “spot checks.” If he believes this is the only way, he has no idea what true “trust” entail. He may never fully fall in love with someone, but eventually he’ll probably find someone to be his “whipping post.” Superficial love masked by concern and spot checks is simply a relationship built on land mines.

DuShawn

November 12th, 2012
11:31 am

“Depending on the strength of that first drink…..” Typically, it’s the last drink that get’s all the blame. You ever speak to one of your friends the morning after a rough night and they say “Man, I shouldn’t have had that last Crown on the rocks” ….as if the previous six had nothing to do with it.

kimmie

November 12th, 2012
11:32 am

Speaking of drinking, Denzel was a drunk a-hole in Flight!LOL! Very good movie!!

disco

November 12th, 2012
11:43 am

dushawn – and I think of the song “if I have one more drink, I’m gone end up effing you”. lol. I guess sometimes it does take that one, last drink to take you there.

Comon ¢

November 12th, 2012
11:45 am

kimmie~ Was it? I really want to see that movie. The previews look good!

kimmie

November 12th, 2012
11:55 am

Comon – Off the chain!

Leggs

November 12th, 2012
11:56 am

Dushawn ~ no doubt it’s the last because that’s when you decide to leave. But, some have gotten popped for that first and last drink.

Leggs

November 12th, 2012
12:05 pm

Nevermind, I see your humor in “the last drink.” I was thinking something all together different.

Robert

November 12th, 2012
12:06 pm

“What would you do if the person you were dating wanted to get access to your personal information?”

It depends. If she wants to see my cell phone usage, no problem. I have a pre-paid phone with very few bells & whistles. I turn my cell phone on for only a few hours a day when I want to use it, for my convience. My house phone is a old rotary phone with a long cord. If she wants to make a deposit into my bank account, no problem. I take all kinds of payment (cash, checks, money ordere, etc.). If she wanted access to my “social media” accounts (facebook, etc.), no problem. I do not have one. I think grown men who use facebook, etc. are immature. What grown man wants to put all his business on public display? Why not stick your head out the window and tell everybody your business. What’s the difference? Fools.