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Bad money habits concern you?

I have a friend, Victor, who is wondering if he should be concerned about his girlfriend’s money habits. She never pays for anything – doesn’t even offer to. She buys extravagant things, spends a lot of money eating out, and he doubts she even knows what a savings account is.

They have not been an exclusive couple for long, so he has only been observing her spending habits in the last few weeks. He has not questioned her about it yet, but fiscal responsibility is really important to him. He grew up poor and has always been very smart about saving money, living within or below his means. I think he should immediately go and talk about this with her. If it bothers him that much, it is best to go ahead and have the conversation to see how she views money.

Do you think that a person’s money habits should be looked at when you are dating?

Have you ever dated someone whose poor money habits were a red flag for you?

If someone has a different idea about money and financial responsibility, do you think it could be a deal breaker for you?

By Wise Diva, Misadventures in Atlanta Dating Blog

320 comments Add your comment

Single and Happy

November 9th, 2012
6:58 am

“They have not been an exclusive couple for long” Still in the getting to know you phase, If he want’s to stay talk, but he’s going to have accept her for who she is!! not who he want’s her to be!!

Do you think that a person’s money habits should be looked at when you are dating? EVERYTHING should be looked at when your dating

listen to half of what they say and look twice as much at what they do!!

Have you ever dated someone whose poor money habits were a red flag for you? Yep, and accepted her for who she was and tried to learn how to deal with it. as long as you’re not constantly asking for mine, do what you want to with yours. The things I do for you and buy for you are my choice, can’t blame you for that!

Comon Cents

November 9th, 2012
6:58 am

Good Morning, bloggies!

Money is a major issue in a long term relationship. Even more than my emotions, don’t play with my money. So, for me, it would be a deal breaker. I could not be with someone who spent money irresponsibly!

Single and Happy

November 9th, 2012
7:11 am

Hey comon, my aren’t we early this am.

my2cents

November 9th, 2012
7:32 am

Money is huge in a relationship and will erode even the hottest start, IMO. You do not have to be on the exact same page but at least be in the same part of the book to seal a long term relationship.

The man formerly know as Dan - still...Superior

November 9th, 2012
7:55 am

@SH

Whaaaat? Accept her for who she is?

Okay, let’s go with that. He can accept her and let her live her fantasy life alone. That’s that foolishness. Why get sucked into that hole that he didn’t create.

I’m telling you, bad money habits keep more people single; which in turns means spending to fill the void..a vicious circle. As with any addictioni, the first step is admitting you have a problem.

Big Al

November 9th, 2012
8:25 am

Bad money habits are an extremely important dating issue to me. I’m definately a saver and I hope to retire before I’m 50. I couldn’t tolerate someone who spends money foolishly. This is probably why I’m still single.

Shoe Freak

November 9th, 2012
8:32 am

Single and Happy

November 9th, 2012
8:33 am

Dan, what I’m saying is you can’t change people either you accept them or you move on. But there is no point in putting unnecessary stress on yourself. you notice I said if he want’s to STAY

lee

November 9th, 2012
8:40 am

He should run not walk away. My x hub would spend money like it was water, before we were divorced i asked him to stop spending money because we don’t have it to spend. He looked at me and stated i will use the credit cards then. The writing was on the wall before we got married. Love is wonderful, but if you don’t have someone that will work with you (have your back) and so on, it will be a disaster! Talking never helped, because some people its all about them, not about us. I am still in recovery its been 3 years after being married to him.

SlimNu: Life always happens

November 9th, 2012
8:41 am

Morning,

SH – I don’t see what would be wrong in him at least touching on the topic to see how she reacts or see what she has to say about it. What’s the point of trying to have a life with a person you cannot talk to about issues/concerns?

lee

November 9th, 2012
8:46 am

Single – So true -
“listen to half of what they say and look twice as much at what they do!!”

Single and Happy

November 9th, 2012
8:47 am

Slim were not talking a long term, they haven’t been exclusive that long, questioning spending habits in the beginning is a big no no. He hasn’t seen her go through a crisis or anything yet, so he doesn’t know if she saves money, how much money she makes, he’s just assuming. If he want’s to stay, stay and let it go, if he wants to make the next step then reevaluate then. From the sounds of it he’s projecting the way he does things, and since she doesn’t do them his way she’s not doing it right.

Exiled!

November 9th, 2012
8:47 am

She is extravagant?

He was attracted to her extravagant and fine taste in clothes etc so he has to sponsor the lifestyle,deal with it and let her be or let her other dudes sponsor it or better yet..

Quit!

But biastching and mourning ain’t a solution!

Exiled!

November 9th, 2012
8:51 am

She never pays for anything!

Lol

That means he pays or them other dudes pay!

She Never pays for anything!

They are Not even Exclusive!

Victor is blind?
:lol: :lol:

Comon ¢

November 9th, 2012
8:52 am

Slim~ He can touch on the topic, but if she has bad spending habits that is one of the hardest issues to correct. I have seen time and time again people who find themselves in sh!tty situations because of their spending habits and yet they continue to do the same things over and over again.

Celisea.....smoooooove riding

November 9th, 2012
8:55 am

Goooooood morning lovelies!

Bad money habits should concern you, if they don’t. I would be lying if I said I’ve alway practiced good money habits. I’ve had a few bumps in the road but as long as you learn…before you’re too old to learn. I’m alllll about making money and I’m all about spending it wisely. Aside form the kid’s dad (I know I know, y’all have heard it before), I don’t do or date broke dudes. Sorry I don’t. You ain’t gotta be a millionaire, you ain’t gotta support me (sans marriage), but you need to be on your way and have your own. And I’m not taking about NOT being there for a brother when things happen beyond his control. Even in that situation, being responsible will dictate to him how to handle and how to roll.

I don’t get this mantra of “dating folks the way they are…blah blah blah”, that’s been mentioned several times over the last few weeks. Relationships consists of and is about both individuals. Both growing and evolving. In a relationship, if there are things about me that can improve, I welcome feedback and insight on what I can do better and will only be with a man that’s receptive to the same. What, you gonna dump any and everybody that offers suggestions??? That reeks of “adolescence.” Too, a person with that attitude shouldn’t be in a relationship. No man is an island and no man stands alone (okay that was sort of cheesy), but it’s the truth. Every facet in life you have to deal with others. True, there are some areas where you can tell folks to kick rocks (cause I sho believe in that…lol), but there are also areas where there SHOULD be an open ear. IJS

Anyhoo, my daily mantra is now…GET TO WORK!! Seriously…lol I come in this morning and my mananger done delegated stuff for me to do in her absence, along with two more required training courses due TODAY!! As well as my own work…sigh…down to get coffee and piece of bread (i.e. breakfast) and then to work.

Celisea.....smoooooove riding

November 9th, 2012
8:56 am

I meant, in my first sentence “….if they don’t, you’re heading for trouble.”

SlimNu: Life always happens

November 9th, 2012
8:56 am

From the sounds of it he’s projecting the way he does things, and since she doesn’t do them his way she’s not doing it right

SH – I can see your point here…plus if she never pays for anything they do, then chick has money to spend….HER dayum money :lol:

Celisea.....smoooooove riding

November 9th, 2012
8:58 am

Dan – I agree with your 7:55

Single and Happy

November 9th, 2012
9:00 am

Slim, if she never pays, and he has a problem with it, stop asking her out, there are easy ways to fix problems. From what he stated, doesn’t look like she’ll be sitting home waiting on him (LOL)

Celisea.....smoooooove riding

November 9th, 2012
9:00 am

And on the flip side of things (in Diva’s post), maybe because he grew up without, he’s uber sensitive to spending. Nothing wrong with that, but in this situation, rather than assuming all he needs to do is simply ask or open up the floor for conversation.

The man formerly know as Dan - still...Superior

November 9th, 2012
9:01 am

“Relationships consists of and is about both individuals. Both growing and evolving. In a relationship, if there are things about me that can improve, I welcome feedback and insight on what I can do better and will only be with a man that’s receptive to the same. What, you gonna dump any and everybody that offers suggestions??? That reeks of ” ‘adolescence.’ ”

credit where it’s due, loved ^^

Single and Happy

November 9th, 2012
9:03 am

When suggestions are offered, take a good look at who’s doing the offering!!

Leggs

November 9th, 2012
9:03 am

“Do you think that a person’s money habits should be looked at when you are dating?” – Most definitely. If you make them a part of your life/SO, you may be committing financial suicide. Sure, let them be themselves, but when commingling life and funds, you better look twice.

Morning.

SlimNu: Life always happens

November 9th, 2012
9:06 am

Leggs – You just added a new word to my vocabulary: commingling ;-)

CoolShadow

November 9th, 2012
9:06 am

Do you think that a person’s money habits should be looked at when you are dating?
Definitely, and people’s financial habits will reveal themselves as the relationship unfolds.

Have you ever dated someone whose poor money habits were a red flag for you?
Yes, once it became apparent and what I did was compartmentalize the relationship from the financial aspects, i.e., let them know that the relationship did not include instant access to my finances and that I would not be their personal ATM. In the end it became a factor in the demise of the relationship.

If someone has a different idea about money and financial responsibility, do you think it could be a deal breaker for you?
It has been in one relationship. When you have divergent philosophical values about money, it’s like two people trying to wrestle control of the steering wheel while driving; eventually there will be a crash.

The man formerly know as Dan - still...Superior

November 9th, 2012
9:08 am

@SH

We go together.

There are things that I want – strike that, Need – to know about you if this is to go forward. And one thing is your spending habits.

Whether they’ve been exclusive for a day or 6 weeks, her spending habits dictate the next phase of their relationship. She can’t be a spender and he a saver. Their activities will like have one person (him) not feeling happy while they’re out. And that builds resentments that will not allow that relationship to last. There’s the reverse to that as well, if she tries to make it work by doing ‘less expensive’ things, that may lead to resentment on her part as well.

We all know (some) women don’t like frugal [cheap] men…

Exiled!

November 9th, 2012
9:10 am

She never pays for Anything!

So who is paying for the apartment she lives in?

See….he says they are Exclusive?

This man is blind!

Celisea.....smoooooove riding

November 9th, 2012
9:12 am

Well, it’s a reflection back on you if you can knowingly date a person with issues but don’t say anything or in your mind pass judgement. I wouldn’t want someone that’s cool sleeping with me or just hanging out but in the back of their minds, are closed off to anything I think or suggest cause they feel I’m raggedy. If I’m too raggedy to suggest, then surely and hopefully I’m too raggedy to spend time with or become intimate with. IJS

Okay…I’m off of this thing :)

Celisea.....smoooooove riding

November 9th, 2012
9:14 am

But..if a person’s deal is NOT a relationship and Only FWB or FB, then scratch all of what folks just said…lolololol Guess it just ain’t that (financially) deep anyway huh?

Leggs

November 9th, 2012
9:15 am

SlimNu ~ you mean you didn’t add flummoxed? :lol: :lol:

Hey there CoolShadow!

Single and Happy

November 9th, 2012
9:18 am

Dan if you have never seen her in a crisis situation, how do you know if her spending habits are really bad, if she’s suggesting that that they go out, then by all means ask her to pay, if you’re not going to say anything then let it go. You can bring up her not paying and leave the spending habits out of it.

Bad spending habits = someone is always spending then everything in their life is a big emergency the end of the world type thing! And they never have any money to handle it.

If you’re spending all the time, and you’re handling things in your life also, IE: car breaks down you get it fixed, water heater blows, you get a new one, etc, why should I question your spending habits because you buy things I think you shouldn’t?

Comon ¢

November 9th, 2012
9:23 am

Dan~ I love frugal men, because I am a frugal woman. It is the way that I was able to go to school. It is the readon my house and cars are paid for. I read a statistic a few months ago that said most Americans would be sunk if they lost their jobs. That is a travesty in my opinion. If that is situation, you live beyond your means. I can (and have) gone a full year without a paycheck. In this economic environment, be fiscally responsible is a must.

Comon ¢

November 9th, 2012
9:28 am

Funny, this is a timely topic. You guys may remember that I talked about the sports fees/situation with the son’s father a few months back. Well, we have now moved forward and football season is over and the boy has moved forward into basketball. The final agreement was that if he was going to play more than one sport, his father would chip in on the fee for the second & third sports. Now the moment has arrived and his response? “I can’t afford to add that fee right now” WTF?!? You just bought your daughter a used Mercedes but you can’t kick in $250 for your son?!? Crazy!

Single and Happy

November 9th, 2012
9:32 am

Leggs, at 50, co-mingling aint happening (LOL)

Comon ¢

November 9th, 2012
9:35 am

Single~ I thought you were thinking about becoming married & happier next year? If that’s the case, I guess co-mingling will occur at 51… :lol:

Single and Happy

November 9th, 2012
9:35 am

On the funds I mean.

Single and Happy

November 9th, 2012
9:37 am

comon, for awhile won’t be anything to co-mingle :-) , I’ll be taking care of her until she gets established. And probably won’t happen then either.

SlimNu: Life always happens

November 9th, 2012
9:38 am

Leggs – I totally missed that one…too big for my mind to even read :lol:

disco

November 9th, 2012
9:38 am

good morning y’all.

S/H – that’s what I’m talking about. do what you will with your money but don’t be asking for mine.

dan – hmmmm. now I have to analyze if I spend to fill the void. dang. that’s too deep for a Friday morning. lol.

on topic – money matters are high on my priority list. I can’t get with someone who doesn’t handle their money in a way that I see fit. granted I know their money is theirs and it may come off as controlling but I know that when it comes to financial matters I handle my business. I can’t be with a man who can’t. even worse I can’t be with a man who thinks he can but really can’t. I’ve come across a few with bankruptcies/foreclosures/repos and I immediately wrote them off. some told me I should give them a chance. bad things happen to good people and all that. whatever. I’m not taking from them as men, just saying I don’t want to spend my time helping them fix their financial messes. I mentioned a guy I met in TN over the summer. the sleep apnea guy. lol. he lost his home in foreclosure and filed for bankruptcy recently. he called the other day out of the blue to tell me had news. what was his news? he got a capital one credit card. I was thinking really? dude you are almost 50. I did, however, congratulate him on his progress.

Single and Happy

November 9th, 2012
9:39 am

comon, re your ex, I know you’re surprised :twisted:

Single and Happy

November 9th, 2012
9:40 am

Disco, What’s in your wallet (rotflmao)

SlimNu: Life always happens

November 9th, 2012
9:43 am

Their activities will like have one person (him) not feeling happy while they’re out. And that builds resentments that will not allow that relationship to last

Dan – It seems like that resentment is starting to creep in already. She never pays for anything or even offers but yet, she’s spending extravagantly on herself. lol

Comon ¢

November 9th, 2012
9:45 am

S/H~ Can’t you tell? He is 10 years older than me and has never been financially responsible. He is always more concerned with LOOKING good than actually DOING good. Me? I don’t give a damn what it looks like as long as everything is copasetic on the internal workings.

MsAtl

November 9th, 2012
9:47 am

Morning All! I think money issues are big in a relationship, particularly if the parties have different spending styles.
My ex and I both grew up poor. As a result, I was always couponing and trying to stretch what we had while he went the other extreme and spent whatever he made. It made for some very contentious moments, particularly when I suggested that we come up with a spending & saving plan to get rid of all of our debt and student loans and he said why would anyone want to be debt-free. -_- The clincher? I saw him on TV being interviewed about “financial infidelity” and he stated that he buys things, sneak them into the house and tells his wife (me) that it had been there for weeks. Ummm, we may not get that channel where we live but at least 50 family members live there fool; didn’t you think someone would send me the video? LMAO!
Anyway, I remember dinners where he would pull out his platinum card and pay for the table to gain bragging rights while all I saw was another $500 that could have paid off a bill. Yes, I said $500!!! I was called stingy because I refused to buy him a $25,000 Presidential Rolex for Christmas, which he saw as the mark of success. He also said I was crazy for suggesting that he drive a Toyota, then proceeded to buy a $90,000 Lexus because the Toyota was beneath him.
A few days before I put him out, he told me that he did not take me out of town with him because he was tired of me pinching pennies and complaining about the money he spent (as he sat in an expensive hotel with his mistress).
Irresponsibility with money will raise a red flag for me from now on. It may not be an absolute deal breaker, but it would certainly stop me from “commingling” my funds with a person. I agree with S/H- A flat tire or a brake job should not be an emergency!

Leggs

November 9th, 2012
9:51 am

Single ~ I hear you loudly and clearly!!

Leggs

November 9th, 2012
9:52 am

SlimNu ~ that was a few weeks back when you commented on that word (lol). I was just making a little joke.

Comon ¢

November 9th, 2012
9:52 am

MsAtl~ I love the people for whom Christmas is an emergency every year! :lol: I’m like, December 25th comes on the dame date every year. How is that an emergency?!? LMAO!

MsAtl

November 9th, 2012
9:57 am

Comon- the same date every year; Had to laugh at that one. Exactly! That goes in the non-emergency category.
I used to start my christmas shopping the day after Christmas and collect gifts throughout the year; I did not wait until Black Friday. That is the one time I went overboard for my kids and nieces & nephews because I did not get much for Christmas as a child.

disco

November 9th, 2012
9:57 am

Mrs Atl – your man sounded like a real piece of work. god bless you for putting up with that.

y’all crazy. for some folks everything is a financial emergency. savings is the loose change they can find in the couch cushions or under the car seat. they don’t get it and as far as I’m concerned it sucks to be them. I ain’t trying to go out like that.