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Can I date more than one person?

One of our readers, who is new to Atlanta, emailed me to get the MIA blog’s opinion about juggling dates. She has few friends in the city and has decided to do a little online dating. So far, she has met a few good men that have great potential. The trouble is, she doesn’t want to narrow it down right now.

They are all actively pursuing her and expressing interest in something serious. It’s a great problem to have, no! While she tries to figure out her best option, she is feeling a little guilty about dating so many guys at one time. She asks, “Can I date more than one guy? Should I let them know they aren’t the only one I am seeing?”

Personally, I like to go by the Golden Rule, do unto others. Would I want to know if there were multiple women jockeying for time with the same guy? (I would). What do you guys think?

Does it bother you when the person you are actively dating is seeing other people? At what point would you expect to be the only one?

If a guy finds out that there is another man interested in the same woman, do they usually back off or step up their efforts?

By Wise Diva, Misadventures in Atlanta Dating Blog

327 comments Add your comment

Celisea.....snuggling weather :)

November 1st, 2012
6:58 am

Gooooooood murnting!! :mrgreen:

Can you date more than one person? Sure, if that’s your thing. It’s your perogative. Personally, I take issue with that. I know it’s dating and the dynamics consists of “searching until you find the right one.” How that’s done though and IN MY OPINION, makes a world of difference. There are some that view as dating around until you find the right one, while others may feel like that means dating one and determining if s/he is a good fit. That though (again) IN MY OPINION, is dependant upon how you view “dating.” Still and even so, for me, I agree with the law of do unto others….. If you take issue finding out someone you’re digging has been sharing space with a gang of others and then you should remember that when you’re playing musical gals/pals…lol

For me, I like to concentrate on one at a time. How can you allow yourself to commit or the idea of committing if you have a plethora of folks lined up? Would you want to scale things down? Well, if it’s all good, not likely. I’ve had dudes to tell me (not dudes I’m dating) that they tend to see a “piece of something they like” in various women, so it’s hard to narrow down to one or let several go. I mean I get if you aren’t married, all if fair in love and war and honestly you can do as you please. But honestly, putting yourself in the place of the him or her that’s not aware you’re sleeping with several or dividing your time with others should be an eye opener.

But, this is not my issue…just speaking on the topic…lololol

Off topic: Halloween was laid back and easy breezy. I didn’t have any particular plans so I just went with the flow. I do try and contribute ideas to the things we do, but after a grueling day yesterday of being chained to clients, my desk and my phone, I was tapped out by the end of the day…lol We actually did the couples thingy, one of his friends up in Alpharetta. There were four couples, dinner, treats, talking, games…..it was nice. At first I wasn’t really feeling, but stretching out of my comfort zone is what try to do :) My kid went, my nieces and some of her cousins and went trick or treating. I just laid it out of what time to be back and to stay together as a group. I felt okay about that. She’s the youngest (almost 18). The reast of the kids are already 18/19 ish. That allowed me a few hours to enjoy a nice evening :mrgreen:

Anyhoo, I’m getting on off cause I’m getting dangerously close to talking too much about myself….lololololol

Toodles

Celisea.....snuggling weather :)

November 1st, 2012
7:03 am

Please excuse my typos….haven’t had my coffee yet!!!

Celisea.....snuggling weather :)

November 1st, 2012
7:19 am

Actually, I did have plans….my own plans of an intimate evening…at home…together….lol When he called asking if I wanted to attend a dinner at his friends, I REALLY WASN’T FEELING. But, trying to be accomodating, I put my game face on and went :mrgreen: I’m glad I did. They seem to be pretty cool folks.

Just wanted to make the point of “going with the flow”….lololol

I’m out

Maria Joseph

November 1st, 2012
7:20 am

Hi Celisea,

Welcome your advice,

My Answer for the Question :- ( Can I date more than one person? )

is Yes, you can surely date with more than one person,

Now the possible reasons are

1. First Person is your Good Friend and you like his / her company.

2. Second Person is your close friend and you want to refresh your past memories.

3. Third Person supports you emotionally so you like to Date with him.

4. Dating helps you to find the right mate

5. Dating can also help you to prepare for marriage

Because It depends on the scenario, if you satisfied with your dating partner then no need to date with other person.

The situation with you will make the choice, what you think now ?

reply

Celisea.....snuggling weather :)

November 1st, 2012
7:26 am

Well, I’m not in here alone….heeey there Maria Joseph. Haven’t seen you here before. Welcome!!

I think all of what you said are valid reasons to date around. That’s why I said it just depends on your definition of “dating.” Naturally you have to do what’s best for you and what fits in your world. I would just add that you should always be upfront in letting others know you’re open to seeing several. I will say though, I think you can (eventually) find all of the things listed in one person. Sometimes, I think it takes growing and knowing. Getting to a certain stage or phase in being able to see all of what you listed in one person. I don’t think you’ll see all of that in one person initially. So, that’s why…for me…I like to try one person and see where the possibilities will take us. Will the things I need for support and vice versa, eventually begin to blossom.

Single and Happy

November 1st, 2012
7:32 am

Does it bother you when the person you are actively dating is seeing other people? Dating is just that getting to know people. So no it wouldn’t bother me, and if it did, then it’s time for me to move on.

She asks, “Can I date more than one guy? Should I let them know they aren’t the only one I am seeing?” you can date as many guys as you want to, and know you don’t know anyone an explanation! It’s your life there is no need to explain you actions!!

At what point would you expect to be the only one? When we both decide we are the only ones!

If a guy finds out that there is another man interested in the same woman, do they usually back off or step up their efforts? No I would not do either, if I’m not the one for her, then we move on. I’m going to be myself from day one until day 1 million and 1

When going out with multiple people it’s just dates with friends, nothing more nothing else. I don’t go out looking for relationships, they just happen.

The man formerly know as Dan - still...Superior

November 1st, 2012
8:45 am

I would say let everyone know everything up front (if you’re dating more than one person).

This allows the people involved to make informed decisions.

Some peopel can’t handle being #2, and others will do what it takes to get the top spot. I’d be more wary of the latter person as it be more competition than actual romance though

SlimNu

November 1st, 2012
8:51 am

Good morning gang bangers,

Didn’t get any unwarranted door belll rings last night. ;-)

Comon Cents

November 1st, 2012
9:01 am

Good morning, bloggies! I have missed you guys!

To the question~ It is certainly ok to date more than one person, but you should be honest with everyone involved.

Single and Happy

November 1st, 2012
9:05 am

Hey slim scrudge (LOL) the little miscreants were so cute last night.

Comon, so when should you start being honest?

Single and Happy

November 1st, 2012
9:08 am

Oh and welcome back counselor.

halo46

November 1st, 2012
9:11 am

In my experience, dating more than one person is a player. Now that’s okay if that is what you want to do; however, I am always reminded of what Jay Anthony Brown says ‘ there are some high times and there are some low times’ of being a player. Once you start justifying where you were last night, you may find yourself with no one to date (til you replenish the dating pool). Because let’s face it, most men or women who are serious about you will not wait around while you date around.

SlimNu

November 1st, 2012
9:16 am

SH – No scrooge here baby…I was spent yesterday. I picked up a rotisserie from Publix, went home(beau’s) fixed a glass of or two or three, of wine, ate, showered and went to bed. lol

Leggs

November 1st, 2012
9:21 am

Date how many you like, but be honest with themselves and yourself. Don’t feed false hope!

I had 7 toddlers come to my door.

Morning!

Leggs

November 1st, 2012
9:22 am

Welcome, Maria Joseph! Hope you enjoy your time with us (lol).

disco

November 1st, 2012
9:26 am

good morning y’all. personally I don’t see what the big deal is about dating multiple people especially initially. why put all your eggs in one basket? of course, it sounds like there is one team that thinks dating is just a casual get to know you phase and so dating multiples is okay. another team thinks dating is “exclusive” dating and dating multiple people is whorish/doggish. guess it goes both ways.

re Halloween. I completely forgot to buy candy. had me hunkered down in my own house. bright side is I live in a cul de sac hidden way in the back of the subdivision so there generally isn’t that much Halloween traffic anyway. still, some leftover candy would have worked wonders in helping me get through the day. speaking of which, I may need to make the rounds and see what folks brought in to give away. lol.

The man formerly know as Dan - still...Superior

November 1st, 2012
9:26 am

@Halo

“Dating” is in fact, the process of going on dates.

Can that be with one person? Yeap. Can it be with multiple people? Yeap.

If we’re just “dating” as in ‘going out’, there’s nothing ‘player’ about that, unless you hide it from the people you’re dating. That’s why honesty is the best policy. If they’re not the only one(s) – for whatever reason(s) – they have a right to know that.

Likewise, sometimes having to state verbally why you’re not ‘feeling’ somebody helps crystallize the issues involved.

SlimNu

November 1st, 2012
9:27 am

My coworker said her kids were sooooo disappointed last night because the neighborhood they usually trick or treat in, only had THREE houses that gave out candy. :lol:

Lady~must be nice!

November 1st, 2012
9:30 am

Funny Dan!

Morning MIA!

Waving @ C love your post chica!

I must say I enjoy my exclusive relationship~ ;) Don’t knock the dating game and dating multiples bc I did too. Overtime it is just draining and time consuming. I always wanted more and I chuckle hard @ Dan’s post! love it~ ;)

Comon Cents

November 1st, 2012
9:31 am

S/H~ Shouldn’t one always be honest? I believe that if you start out on lies, you will definitely end on lies.

halo46

November 1st, 2012
9:32 am

If we’re just “dating” as in ‘going out’, there’s nothing ‘player’ about that, unless you hide it from the people you’re dating. That’s why honesty is the best policy. If they’re not the only one(s) – for whatever reason(s) – they have a right to know that.

Yeah, that may work. I will try it tomorrow night on my date. See if he minds.

Celisea.....snuggling weather :)

November 1st, 2012
9:33 am

Heeey there Lady!! What’s crackalackin?? :)

I love Dan’s posts as well as the last two lines of halo46 ….precisely!!

Okay, gotta run (taking a few to sip my coffee) :mrgreen:

Comon Cents

November 1st, 2012
9:33 am

Re: Halloween~ We had lots of candy in our neighborhood, but not many trick or treaters. I had 4 groups of about 8 hit my house and thatwas it. My kids went out with the cousins and the hubs (I stayed home to give out candy and drink wine) and my son came home with a whole bag of Milky Ways :shock: The lady told him it was late and he was her last trick or treater so he got the candy that was left. :lol:

Exiled!

November 1st, 2012
9:35 am

Can you date more than one person and stil have a clean and honest conscience?

That’s what Diva meant!

Sure,an adult can do whatever they want. Its a free country!

But the same folks(chics) who are fine with their multiple dating will be disappointed if I tell them I smashed that chic on our first date but I still wanna date her too. :lol:

So what gives?

Women?
Dating and juggling multiple is just sleazy and playa like. No three ways bout it.

Celisea.....snuggling weather :)

November 1st, 2012
9:35 am

halo46 – Because let’s face it, most men or women who are serious about you will not wait around while you date around.

Say it girl (girl, right?)….

Okay let the busy day begin….ugh

Lady~must be nice!

November 1st, 2012
9:38 am

sooooooo agree C & halo! its a bit rhetorical too but hey~ it is what it is!

disco

November 1st, 2012
9:40 am

CC – re that end of night haul. years ago I took my brother and little cousin trick or treating. we went by the Teke house. there was a frat party going on. those guys obviously were tired of being interrupted by trick or treaters and gave them everything they had left.

ex – I think you might have issue with women juggling because a woman that is so inclined might be a lot better at keeping those balls in the air than the average man is willing to admit or accept.

Comon Cents

November 1st, 2012
9:40 am

Ex~ It’s not sleazy and playa like if you are honest with everyone involved up front.

Exiled!

November 1st, 2012
9:41 am

And there is nothing like ‘just dating’ coz folks will hold hands on a first date and that can lead to something..someone getting bedded.

Dating means feelings…yes u can hold the feelings,often the feelings spill over…..ask Bluz!

So…

Celisea....snuggling weather :)

November 1st, 2012
9:43 am

Lady - Iggg zackly!!

disco

November 1st, 2012
9:44 am

ex – dating means feelings? really? what kind of feelings?

Bluzgirl

November 1st, 2012
9:46 am

I don’t have a whole lot of experience in dating, as you all know. BUT…I always thought that dating was the “getting to know you” phase also. I don’t understand why one is a player if they are dating a few people. Sleeping with them all is one thing, but dating them and trying to figure out which one is right for you is another. I also don’t feel you need to tell the people that you are dating around in the beginning. I would think after a few dates with each, you should know who you would like to continue with.

I only had 4 trick or treaters last night. Was quite disappointed. I’m just glad I bought good candy!!!

Bluzgirl

November 1st, 2012
9:50 am

EX – why you gotta call me out like that? I don’t understand how dating equals feelings. I have gone on one date with youngster so far and there are no feelings yet…

DreamsMaterialize

November 1st, 2012
9:53 am

Morning
At what point would you expect to be the only one?
I know that, 99% of the time, the woman I meet wasn’t just sitting at home playing Go Fish on the weekends until she met me. I always assume there are other guys trying to get her time and attention. So, I don’t expect to be the only one until we both discuss that we’re the only ones.

SlimNu

November 1st, 2012
9:53 am

Dating multiples does not = fugging multiples ;-)

Exiled!

November 1st, 2012
9:54 am

Disco/Bluz?

U two go out on dates with folks u have no inkling of feeling for?

Tell me..maybe I’m gon learn some today?

Leggs

November 1st, 2012
9:56 am

Say it again, SlimNu!

Single and Happy

November 1st, 2012
9:57 am

comon I guess by being honest you mean say you’re seeing other people. In the beginning what I’m doing with my spare time is my business, just like what you do with your spare time is your business. When WE decided to be exclusive then there is no need to ask about other people because WE have decided to be exclusive. Now if either party wants to be exclusive and the other doesn’t still no need to know the others business, it’s time for the one that wants to be exclusive to move on to the next one. So it really has nothing to do with being honest.

SlimNu

November 1st, 2012
9:57 am

Bluz – Any updates on your progress with Young Blood?

The man formerly know as Dan - still...Superior

November 1st, 2012
9:58 am

@Halo

He shouldn’t.

I never cared when/if the woman told me she was dating more than me; not.one.bit.

The only time it became a problem was the few that chose not to tell me; even then it’s about the honesty of communication.

I know who I am – flaws and all – and I never asked anyone to accept my ‘representative’ or a minor aspect of my personality. I am in fact, an arsehole. Make sure that everyone that deals with me knows this.

I don’t bite my tongue, hold my words, or suffer fools (or foolishness). And while my demeanor may be brusque, my intentions are always above reproach. Thus, when the women that weren’t filling it decided to leave, they knew who I was.

Those – including my wife – have no illusions either.

If you’re dating a dude that can’t handle competition for your attention, then he might be kinda ghey. I personally don’t truck with dudes, or females, without drive (or ambition, talent, intellect, goals).

Exiled!

November 1st, 2012
9:59 am

And let me expound:….

Common advised Bluz to give one for the home team before the date with the young one,just in case.
‘No feelings?’ :lol:

Why?

U chics like to play with words!

Be true to urself and others

Sleazy I say!

disco

November 1st, 2012
9:59 am

slim – and fugging multiples does not equal dating multiples. lol. I always laugh at that because I know plenty folks that are getting it in but they are definitely not “dating”. I know chicks with baby daddies that they never went out on a date with. it happens.

ex – I can go out with someone, go out with that someone again and go out with that someone another time. doesn’t mean my feelings are out there like that. the whole act of getting to know someone is to determine whether or not they are worthy of your feelings (or so I thought). now, if your point is that you have to like someone to go out with them the reality is that you don’t. to go out with someone you just have to like them “enough” to go out with them. enough to be curious about what else they have going on, enough to go out on a limb and give them a chance. certainly doesn’t mean you are all IL (what we used to call in love back in high school) just because you agreed to go out. and we won’t even go into the folks who date for sport or the “might as well” dates. you know when you don’t have anything else going on and you say “might as well”.

Single and Happy

November 1st, 2012
10:00 am

I love seeing the kids faces light up when I put the candy in their bags. Even liked giving it to the arm babies even though I know their not going to eat it :-) There’s just something about that innocences that gives me a warm fuzzy feeling all over, (especially when it’s someone else’s kids) (LOL)

SlimNu

November 1st, 2012
10:01 am

Ex – The only way I can see someone having feelings for a person you just started dating, is if you two already knew each other and just decided to try going out. When I first go out with a dude, the only thing I could possibly be going off of is physical attraction or something else shallow. Yes women are emotional beings but if you’re ‘catching feelings’ over sharing a meal together then there is a bigger problem there. Feelings should be reserved after a period of time has been spent with each other.

Exiled!

November 1st, 2012
10:01 am

Slim?

If I date multiple,say 10

At least 6 are gon be fugged! :lol:

The man formerly know as Dan - still...Superior

November 1st, 2012
10:02 am

@S/H

“What I do in my spare time is my business?”

Um., no. I want to know what you do in your spare time, especially if I want to be a part of it. Dang that. What are your hobbies? What are your interests? Do you persue intellectual stimulation (reading) or physical (rockclimbing).

I’m not saying bear your soul, but letting someone know that you have interest beyond the time you spend with them, and that you persue those interests – including other people – is what it t.i.s.

Bluzgirl

November 1st, 2012
10:03 am

Slim – Texting and talking some. Not much progress yet, but we’ll see…

Gotta go into a training. Be back later!

Single and Happy

November 1st, 2012
10:05 am

@The man formerly know as Dan – still…Superior: unless you’re talking exclusivity, why should the question come up about seeing anyone else?

DuShawn

November 1st, 2012
10:07 am

To me, the word “dating” implies no exclusivity and possibly multiple participants. If you’re only dating one person ……. Yall go together.

Single and Happy

November 1st, 2012
10:08 am

@The man formerly know as Dan – still…Superior, and all those things will come up in general conversation, what I mean by spare time is if I ask what is she doing this weekend, and she replies I’m busy, that’s all I need to know, she doesn’t have to tell me she has a date or any other details.