Can I date more than one person?
One of our readers, who is new to Atlanta, emailed me to get the MIA blog’s opinion about juggling dates. She has few friends in the city and has decided to do a little online dating. So far, she has met a few good men that have great potential. The trouble is, she doesn’t want to narrow it down right now.
They are all actively pursuing her and expressing interest in something serious. It’s a great problem to have, no! While she tries to figure out her best option, she is feeling a little guilty about dating so many guys at one time. She asks, “Can I date more than one guy? Should I let them know they aren’t the only one I am seeing?”
Personally, I like to go by the Golden Rule, do unto others. Would I want to know if there were multiple women jockeying for time with the same guy? (I would). What do you guys think?
Does it bother you when the person you are actively dating is seeing other people? At what point would you expect to be the only one?
If a guy finds out that there is another man interested in the same woman, do they usually back off or step up their efforts?
By Wise Diva, Misadventures in Atlanta Dating Blog
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327 comments Add your comment
The man formerly know as Dan - still...Superior
November 1st, 2012
10:10 am
@S/H
I never wanted someone to think I was at home playing ‘Go fish’ like my boy Dreams said (what up folks!).
No one you’re dating should believe – nor should you allow the impression – that you’re at home awaitng their call. If that’s the case, the game goes muuuch different. As in “I’ll give you something to do” different
Exiled!
November 1st, 2012
10:12 am
Slim I know u have had more that one night stands…
There were no feelings?
U were just prostituting urself?
To say u agree to go out with somebody and yet have No feelings for them even from start?
I don’t see that.
Unless u just want a meal sponsorship?
which happens with some of u chics….stretching ur budgets! 
disco
November 1st, 2012
10:12 am
hey dushawn
S/H – on that I co-sign. you would think I had beaucoup business they way I guards my business. lol. sometimes things roll off of me and sometimes I’m in “why you wanna know/what is it to you” mode.
Comon Cents
November 1st, 2012
10:14 am
S/H~ Re: General Convo. That’s what I mean by honesty. In general convo of the “getting to know you phase” I am going to ask about previous/current people you are/have dated. That’s the time to be honest and say “Yeah, I’m dating other people currently”. No need to expound on what you do in your spare time, but for Christ’s sake, don’t lie about it either by omission or outright.
Single and Happy
November 1st, 2012
10:17 am
@Dan, if you ask on Monday, about the weekend, wouldn’t think anyone was waiting by the phone, but if she’s busy that weekend no need to be “honest” with me and tell me she’s dating other people beside me, I just ask about the next weekend if I really want to see her. And even when we decide to be exclusive (which is the ONLY time the question about seeing others should come up) she still doesn’t owe me an explanation because I’m not thinking she’s going out on a date, she just has something else to do.
Single and Happy
November 1st, 2012
10:20 am
Comon, asking about previous relationships is a no no with me, and if I’m in a relationship, I’m not trying to date other people. I don’t lie about it, I will just say there are some questions that I’m not going to answer so take it anyway you want to!
Lady~must be nice!
November 1st, 2012
10:21 am
lol at Du—–yall go together! #pow #random lol
Exiled!
November 1st, 2012
10:21 am
Even one Daylight stands will qualify Slim
The man formerly know as Dan - still...Superior
November 1st, 2012
10:34 am
@S/H
Do you bro.
I’m one of the guys that never liked to play #2 (even when the lady may have been #2 or 5), so it is what it is on that.
SlimNu
November 1st, 2012
10:34 am
fugging multiples does not equal dating multiples
disco – Yup, you are exactly right lol
If I date multiple,say 10
At least 6 are gon be fugged
Ex – And you’re proud of that?
I thought brownie points from the boyz club for notches on your bedpost went out in high school or college. I could be wrong though
if I ask what is she doing this weekend, and she replies I’m busy
SH – A response from a guy i’m dating such as that would be a MAJOR turn off. The question is not, are you going to be busy this weekend, it’s what are you DOING. He does not have to give me a play by play but something a little less evasive would sit much better with me. I’d probably make an exit stage left on some bull like that. I don’t have to like and if we’re dating I don’t have to keep dating them.
DreamsMaterialize
November 1st, 2012
10:35 am
Dan What’s good man? Just moving forward on this end. How’s the married life?
And really, this topic is one of those things about dating that we make harder than it has to be. If I choose to pursue a chic, then I assume other dudes see at least what I see and are pursuing her too. I don’t have to ask her who she’s seeing until I want it to be only me. If I ask her to hang out again next weekend, and she’s busy, no problem. If being busy becomes a pattern, then I take it on the chin, fold my cards and re-adjust my pursuits.
SlimNu
November 1st, 2012
10:37 am
Ex – I have never had a one night/day stand. And like I said, any “feelings’ off jump street is purely basic to, hey I think I may like you but let’s find out and see.
Leggs
November 1st, 2012
10:37 am
100% with you DreamsM (10:35).
disco
November 1st, 2012
10:37 am
dan – gotta love your honesty on that one. a lot of guys are that way. want a chick in rotation but don’t want to be a part of her rotation. last weekend I watched waiting to exhale and I was too tickled off of the married dude, cheating on his wife but still trying to regulate his girlfriend’s phone. really? and she, in her own house on her own phone, lying about who called. to that I say ninja please. lol.
Single and Happy
November 1st, 2012
10:37 am
Slim an answer like what?
Single and Happy
November 1st, 2012
10:39 am
Slim I see the answer now, so what’s the difference between I’m busy or I have plans? But I guess since I don’t like drama, I’m not trying to start any either.
disco
November 1st, 2012
10:39 am
dreams – you take it on the chin? and here I thought you were one of those lenny Williams type brothers “girl, you know i-i-i-i- love you”. lol.
Comon Cents
November 1st, 2012
10:40 am
S/H~ Not asking about them per se, but general conversations about “Are you married? Divorced?” etc lead into those types of conversations. At that point, yes, you should be honest if you are dating another. That way I have the information needed to decide if I feel you are worth competing for or I don’t like the lay of the land and I’m moving on. Based on your scenario, you have nothing to lose by being honest. If I don’t like being “one of many” then I can move on. No hard feelings. Have a nice life. If I don’t mind, then we can continue on to see if this becomes something more serious.
Exiled!
November 1st, 2012
10:41 am
10:37…I think that’s why u single Slim…that mirrors exactly ur issue…u have a hard time screening
I ain’t go invite somebody on a date unless I absolutely am feeling them.
Honestly what’s the point to do otherwise,especially when uall insisnt a man must pay
Just invite a chic out on date to try her out?
No way!
disco
November 1st, 2012
10:44 am
ex – there’s a difference between feeling a person and having feelings for a person. quit trying to hem us up. lol.
SlimNu
November 1st, 2012
10:46 am
disco – THANK YOU…he loves playing dumb to create blog strife…
Ex – Continue to keep typing to yourself. I have my hands over my eyes at this point. Not reading you right now.
It’s too early for you to have my head hurting…
kimmie
November 1st, 2012
10:47 am
Morning Gang!
Hey Dan, what’s shakin?
I’m kinda with Dreams on this. This is one of those things I don’t miss about being single and trying to “date”!
As the differences of opinion on this indicate, this can lead to complications. First, everyone’s definition of “date” is different, therefore there are different expectations. While no, if we are not exclusive, what each does when they are not with you is their business, evasiveness is a problem for me. It’s game playing. So if you are seeing other people and being funny about even mentioning it in general convo, when I do find out I am going to assume you are also sleeping with this other person. Might not seem like a fair assumption to some of you, but I’m being real. Sleeping with someone on the regular, as opposed to it being a one-nighter, would throw a monkey-wrench in the possibility of anything further developing with me.
So this whole multiple dating thing cannot continue for very long beyond one or two dates, before a decision needs to be made, in MY experience. It’s just too complicated. Because if it were easy, this would not be a topic of discussion.
Exiled!
November 1st, 2012
10:48 am
At least I won the point @Slim
U can change the subject
Comon Cents
November 1st, 2012
10:50 am
Ex~ Winning is subjective. IJS…
Exiled!
November 1st, 2012
10:51 am
Disco 10:44?
Can u explain for me the difference?
Single and Happy
November 1st, 2012
10:53 am
Common, I only talk about where you are presently don’t care about the past because you should have taken care of your business. and the if you’re seeing anyone question only comes up when I want to be the only one seeing you. If she doesn’t want to be exclusive and it’s what I really want, I’ll move on, I’m not competing for anyone.
Questions I ask, have you ever been married, answer yes,are you divorced, answer yes, don’t need to know anything else.
Have you ever been married? answer No, do you have a man? answer no, don’t need to know anything else.
I guess this is why some people have a problem with me, because I don’t talk about my past relationships, I may answer a general question, but we’re not going to talk about specifics.
Comon Cents
November 1st, 2012
10:54 am
Ex~ Awww hell there you go again with the dumb routine. Everyone on this blog is old enough to know the difference between feeling someone and having feelings for someone.
disco
November 1st, 2012
10:55 am
Ex – I could but I’m not going to especially since I think you get it. like slim said you just trying to rile folks up and I’m not going to humor you.
Comon Cents
November 1st, 2012
10:56 am
Have you ever been married? answer No, do you have a man? answer no, don’t need to know anything else.
And my answer to the question (in this hypotherical, of course) would be “I don’t have a man per se, but I am dating several people”. See? Easy. Honest. No bullisht. And, just for clarification purposes, my next question would be “And what about you? Are you seeing anyone right now?”
Single and Happy
November 1st, 2012
10:56 am
Dreams you understand (LOL) I think people make a lot of things in life to complicated (LOL)
Exiled!
November 1st, 2012
10:56 am
Counselor,plaintiff has her ‘hands over my(her) eyes’ in defeat.
Is that not clear to u she wishes to change and plead?
Jake-SPJTWB
November 1st, 2012
10:59 am
Ex-Doesn’t look like the ladies are falling for the Banana in the Tailpipe today.
Off topic: Thank you guys for getting me to waste 15 bucks, should have grabbed a 12pack, I knew I should not have bought candy, not one dayum Trick-or-Treater….lol
The man formerly know as Dan - still...Superior
November 1st, 2012
10:59 am
@Dreams – one word: expensive.
@Kimmie – Wasssuuuupppp!
@Slim,Cel, Lady, Ex, Leggs and Du and those I may have missed; good morning.
Hey, it is what it is; but I’ll say this. I never pursued a woman that I didn’t have some interest in (physical, mental, or romantic). And, regardless of my ‘rotation’, I never played second fiddle to no one. Those were my terms, those were my conditions, and they could get with it, or get gone.
So asking her if she’s seeing someone else let me know where I stood, and gave me the information to know whether I wanted to move forward.
As always, to each his (or her) own, but the D couldn’t do it like that there.
Comon Cents
November 1st, 2012
10:59 am
Ex~ I think that counsel is trying to oversimplifiy the issue and confuse the honorable court. I ask for a brief recess so that I may confer with my client.
M. (pronouced M dot)
November 1st, 2012
11:00 am
Good day everyone..
Does it bother you when the person you are actively dating is seeing other people? At what point would you expect to be the only one?
It would not bother me if she is dating other people but she would also have to understand that her priority with one of the guys may get downgraded a little bit. For example, when he first met her, he would be more prone to plan and do dating activities, but if he finds out that she is dating multiples, he would probably invite her out for a drink vs doing the whole date song and dance because he knows somebody else is doing that for her. This may also give him the green light to get his dating prospects up as well. All depends on the person.
Single and Happy
November 1st, 2012
11:01 am
Comon, if you’re single, and I’m asking your for A date, I would assume others have asked also, so there wouldn’t be a need for you to tell me you’re seeing other people.
And my answer would be yes I’m seeing someone exclusively, or no I’m not seeing any one exclusively!
Exiled!
November 1st, 2012
11:02 am
Disco/Common?
See…u write a while paragraph but won’t take that time to explain the difference?
Play with words
disco
November 1st, 2012
11:03 am
CC – while you are conferring with your client I am sliding a manilla envelope with a dead bird inside to opposing counsel.
DreamsMaterialize
November 1st, 2012
11:03 am
and here I thought you were one of those lenny Williams type brothers “girl, you know i-i-i-i- love you”. lol.
disco Oh you got jokes. lol I’m like the opposite of that dude. I’ve been accused of moving on too quickly. As soon as I get the smallest idea that you’re not into me, then I’m powering down. I don’t like wasting effort. I pitch my product to those in the market for what I’m selling.
Page1908
November 1st, 2012
11:07 am
Good morning, are we still on topic? LOL
Sassy Me...Disco Lady ;-)
November 1st, 2012
11:08 am
like slim said you just trying to rile folks up and I’m not going to humor you.
‘Bout time y’all figured that out….good.
Would I want to know if there were multiple women jockeying for time with the same guy?
Yes I would. First off it lets me know how to better play my position and protect myself. I say this b/c not all guys are forth coming with that kind of info and if you’re thinking it’s just you but dude is really seeing a slew of other women then feelings may get hurt. So the more you know going into it..the better the turn out will be. It’s all about honesty and maturity.
Does it bother you when the person you are actively dating is seeing other people?
That goes back to maturity and honesty. If the person you’re seeing is honest enough to tell you they’re seeing other people AND you..you have to be honest with yourself to either stay or leave that kind of situation if it doesn’t bode well for you.
At what point would you expect to be the only one? After enough time has passed and feelings have grown,you reach the fork in the road…there needs to be a discussion as to the status of things and where you two would like for things to go. Before I invest too much time and energy into a situation I’d definitely want to know..is we or ain’t we.
Being vague or omissive of certain details in the beginning may only lead to crash landings in the end…so why not put all the cards on the table and let adults choose…
DreamsMaterialize
November 1st, 2012
11:10 am
Thank you guys for getting me to waste 15 bucks, should have grabbed a 12pack
Jake The blog is hit or miss and takes no responsibility for the subsequent choices of any blogger who acts on something written or otherwise implied on the blog.
In other words. ALWAYS go with the 12-pack.
disco
November 1st, 2012
11:13 am
dreams – by no means is that what I really think of you. lol. I just typed it for comedic effect. you know lenny was sangin’ that song.
sassy – some times it’s fun to banter with ex.
re always go with the 12 pack. well, that’s a tough one. it might just depend on the kind of candy he bought. there is such a thing as a candy high you know.
Exiled!
November 1st, 2012
11:14 am
Dreams…I pitch my products…
Exactly!
And these chics are faking like they have a wide choice and the luxury to’ disclose’ to suitors that they have wide options and u are on rotation.
Like Mr. T wld say,’Pityful’
Where is abc to rescue me.
Comon Cents
November 1st, 2012
11:14 am
DM~ Damn Straight! The 12 pack always wins out! LOL!
disco~ Why you think I took the recess?
I know you got my client’s back!
Single and Happy
November 1st, 2012
11:14 am
One of our readers, who is new to Atlanta, emailed me to get the MIA blog’s opinion about juggling dates. She has few friends in the city and has decided to do a little online dating. So far, she has met a few good men that have great potential. The trouble is, she doesn’t want to narrow it down right now. Looking at the first paragraph on this topic why does this person even feel that she has to justify her actions? Even in my online dating, I let people know i’m not looking for an exclusive relationship, just someone to hang out with. if relationship happens it happens if it doesn’t does that mean we can’t go out on a date from time to time.
Lady~must be nice!
November 1st, 2012
11:17 am
Howdy Dan!
Leggs
November 1st, 2012
11:19 am
disco
November 1st, 2012
11:20 am
okay y’all. since the 12 pack won and I’m not a beer drinker I have to ask, is drinking beer worth it? by worth it I mean like the phrase “wine is fine, but liquor is quicker”. how much beer do you have to drink to get where you are trying to be? do one or two or three beers do much? I just figured folks drank beer because it was available or because it was cheaper or to feel like they weren’t really drinking, after all it’s just a beer. lol.
Exiled!
November 1st, 2012
11:21 am
And why come to a new city but do online dating
U haven’t even explored the real people on the street in the New city but reach out for dating failures online?
online is a Last resort not First!
She needs her head examined Single.