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First date? Don’t expect to get lucky

A friend told me she was really offended that a guy moved in for a hook up on their first date. She does not understand how he read any signs that she was willing to have sex on the first date. She asked me, “Is this something that men just expect after one date, now?”

Well, I would not say most men expect a first date hook up. They probably would not turn it down, but I would be surprised if guys want to “get lucky” like that. When most people go on a first date, they usually just expect to have a good time. Now, what does a good time mean to you?

Would you be opposed to getting physical on the first date? Is it something that is even on your mind when you first meet someone you are attracted to?

Guys, have you ever decided to “go there” and make a move on the first date? Would it be something you would attempt if you wanted a relationship with someone?

By Wise Diva, Misadventures in Atlanta Dating Blog

165 comments Add your comment

Celisea.....happy life!!

October 29th, 2012
7:05 am

It’s pretty chilly and winter ain’t here yet!!

I would be offended if a dude made a move on me, the first date. It could be me, but I just don’t see what’s so electric that sex is top of mind for someone you hardly know. I tend to agree with Diva that most are just wanting to enjoy the date and have a nice time (at least I’m hoping so). I also agree that most (men) won’t turn sex down if it’s on the table. I see nothing wrong with there being an attraction there but for me, I don’t care how fine or nice looking you are, I’m not feeling you like that. For me, “what it must be like” ain’t what I’m wondering. I’m the type where the more I get to know you, the more I want to “know” you. But initially, sitting across the table (or wherever we are), on a first date, I’m not thinking sex.

There’s been numerous conversations on here of men stating it’s neither here nor there in how they view a woman if sex happpens early on, I think that’s great if we’ve evolved to this point, but IMO it’s just not a smart move. If things didn’t work out, I for one would believe it was because of getting intimate too early on. I’m not knocking anyone else’s thoughts or opinions, but for me I just think the smarter move is getting to know one another….first!

Off topic: My nephew was married Saturday. What a lovely elegant cermony. What I liked was how little decorations were there but everything was perfect. The bride is Haitian and a bit eclectic but was oh so beautiful. She goes natural and had her hair BRAIDED in an upsweep. Very odd for the typical bride, but was lovely none the less. My nephew was soooo handsome as well as his brother (a groomman). She was whooping and raising the roof after they were announced as mister and mrs…lol I thought that was sooo cute!! The chapel was simply beautiful (not much decoration needed there anyway). The vows were the traditional ones. Two scriptures read by the groommen. Bebe and CeCe Winans lightly playing in the background. A wagon decorated in white with pillows sown in and two babies pulled by the ring bearer. Of course my sister and BIL were a trip. They’re divorced (he’s still my BIL) and can’t seemingly get along, but funny he could not stay away from her/us. He’s 52 with a 2 y.o., a 26 y.o “babymama”, but was telling us he still loved my sister…lol Of course they exchanged light banter and “whatevers”, but I can bet with a bit of effort, they would be back together…lol It was very apparent. He’s still cool as ever to me :) The reception is where they spent the money. There was a hall where appetizers and hor d’ourves (sp) served, a hall for drinks only and a hall where dinner was served. Steak and Salmon. The food was delicious and everything well done. Congrats to my nephew and bride and I wish them nothing but much happiness!!

Celisea.....happy life!!

October 29th, 2012
7:14 am

Oh, I had a lovely weekend. I thought it might be a bit awkward for mr. nu nu attending the wedding with me, but nope, he was “in like flynn” …..ain’t that how we use to say it? lol What I liked more was after the wedding we didn’t hang out. I was tired and had church Sunday. I ran by the grocery store and headed home. Once I got home we talked on the phone for hours and hours and hours. Dontcha just love it when it’s like that??? :mrgreen:

Alright, it’s time to get up and at ‘em. This is soooo not my time of year. When it’s cold, I like staying in and snuggling. Can’t snuggle and earn money though. So, I guess it’s time to get up and ready for work. Brrrgh!!

Toodles!!

Celisea.....happy life!!

October 29th, 2012
7:29 am

I’m digging Google’s picture today. I’ve watched this dude paint and while there’s nooooooo one else there but him, and it seems a bit weird talking to the camera, it’s facinating to watch him churn out pictures the way he does. Okay, facinating might be a bit overstated but he’s a talented dude. I’ve watched him a couple of times. Seriously? After about 20 minutes of watching, it started to feel like watching paint dry…lol My point though is that they (Google) picked a cool dude.

Lady~must be nice!

October 29th, 2012
7:31 am

Good Morning C!!!! Long time sis!!!!! I will chime in later on the topic!!!! ;)

Celisea.....happy life!!

October 29th, 2012
7:34 am

Heeeeey there Lady(bug)!! What’s crackalackin? I thought I was here alone. You know me, I like to now get in early and on out…lol

Single and Happy

October 29th, 2012
7:50 am

Is it something that is even on your mind when you first meet someone you are attracted to? Yes sex is on most of our minds when we meet someone, but it’s not a top priority.

Well, I would not say most men expect a first date hook up. They probably would not turn it down, but I would be surprised if guys want to “get lucky” like that. No we don’t expect it.

When most people go on a first date, they usually just expect to have a good time. Now, what does a good time mean to you? a good time is when both of us enjoyed our evening, which doesn’t always include sex.

Guys, have you ever decided to “go there” and make a move on the first date? Sometimes we may go there on the first date because we know there’s not going to be a second date, so what do I have to lose.

Would it be something you would attempt if you wanted a relationship with someone? For me sex has nothing to do with whether or not I would like a relationship with someone. Even if we have sex on the first date, I would think no less of you than I did of myself. I still need to get to know you before embarking on a relationship.

SlimNu

October 29th, 2012
9:15 am

Brrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr…..you know I’m not all here when I realized that I have on flip flops and socks at work today. I went to just slip my flip flops on when I went to warm my car up before I left the house. Apparently, I was distracted by getting my hot tea and breakfast ready that I did not remember to change my shoes. I get all the way to the gas station to pump gas and realize I didn’t change my freaking shoes. Did I go back to the house? HELLLLLLL No…it is what it is, a Mundane Monday. :D

And with all that said, GOOD FREAKIN FREEZING MORNING

Leggs

October 29th, 2012
9:20 am

I would have been offended too. What he’s telling me is getting to my body is more important to him than taking the time to know me as a person. My likes, dislikes, how I live life, etc. Because I’m pretty sure he didn’t learn everthing about me on that first date.

Would you be opposed to getting physical on the first date? – Yes ma’am!

Is it something that is even on your mind when you first meet someone you are attracted to? – The only it’s on mind is me thinking I sho he’s not expecting dessert after our date!

O/T: Went to a Halloween party with Mamba and Pagent1908. Man o man, the costumes up in that joint were off the chain.

Good morning, Good chilly morning.

disco

October 29th, 2012
9:43 am

good morning.

slim – that’s too funny about the socks and flip flops. even funnier that you just said eff it re going home to swap out. once about a year or so back I get all the way to the parking lot at work before realizing I had on two different earrings. one metal, one wooden. I tried them both on to see which I liked best and forgot to pick one. another time I got all the way to work, opened the car door, stepped out and had on one black shoe and one brown shoe. they were identical shoes mind you, just different colors. I pulled my emergency skechers out of the trunk that day. some mornings are just like that.

leggs – I was all gung ho about attending a Halloween party over the weekend. was going to dress up as (the short) Cleopatra jones. left my hair unstretched for an entire week. messed around and had a little mishap and couldn’t go. I’m hoping like the dickens I can find a party this weekend.

DreamsMaterialize

October 29th, 2012
9:43 am

Morning
I don’t make sex a priority on a date. I go to have have a good time with good company, and let the chips fall where they may. Funny thing is, everytime sex has ever been on the table on date number 1, it was the woman putting it out there.

Celly Cel! What’s good? How have you been? Long time. Also, ditto on your comment about Bob Ross on google. I used to watch his show in the morning before cartoons came on when I was a kid.

DreamsMaterialize

October 29th, 2012
9:47 am

Went to a Halloween party with Mamba and Pagent1908.
Leggs You must still be tired. lol How are you this morning?

Leggs

October 29th, 2012
9:54 am

:lol: :lol: @DreamsM. Now, you know those two together are a hot mess. I recuperated most of the day yesterday. Not so much from partying with them, but from partying hard Friday and them meeting up with them late Saturday evening. I stayed at the party only 1.5 hour. Arrived at 11:30. It was FAR from my home, and I was already beat. BUT, I told them I would come so I wanted to keep my word.

mark

October 29th, 2012
9:54 am

I would never expect a woman to give me sex on the first date and if she did i would be out! because
At this point in the game im 40yrs old and im looking for a wife not a easy jumpoff.

Leggs

October 29th, 2012
10:24 am

Hmmm, with this first cold snap, some fingers may be frostbitten.

Mrs. SexyCool

October 29th, 2012
11:01 am

I wouldn’t have been offended. I would have been turned off.

But that being said, eh-meh, it is what it is. The easiness of sex today makes some expect it. However, an expectation is not a promise or a contract.

Cel – your nephew’s wedding sounds like it was a lovely affair.

My off topic – yesterday, I ran the second leg of the Atlanta Marathon Relay…after being off my training schedule and having to babysit Saturday night due to a friend’s emergency. And while it was only 8.6 miles, I didn’t do myself any favors. Today, everything hurts. (lol)

And I am only slightly ashamed of my 1:49 finish time. If I would have been on my game I would have come in at least 10 minutes sooner.

kimmie

October 29th, 2012
11:02 am

Morning All!!

Hey Leggs! Tell Page & Mamba I said hello next time you talk to them please! I know you guys had a blast.

On topic – I wouldn’t because it’s not foremost on my mind, no matter how strong the attraction. I need to peel back the layers and see what I’m really dealing with. No need in me looking crazy later after we’ve jumped & done it and dude turns out to be crazy! But that’s just me. I guess I would be offended if a dude tried to go there with me first date, because I’ve never signaled that that’s what I’m after on the first date. No excuse of “mixed signals” either. I would be smooth about it when I turned him down though. Like I said, you never know if you’re dealing with a fool!

kimmie

October 29th, 2012
11:05 am

Hey SCool – You go girl!!

Bluzgirl

October 29th, 2012
11:06 am

Why does my boss have to start in on all of us first thing on Monday morning? Then, she wonders why we aren’t so positive!!!

Despite what ya’ll think…I don’t give it up on the first date. If I sleep with someone soon, it’s someone that I’ve known a while. It’s nice for a man to make a move on the first date, but it’s up to the woman to say no if she’s not feeling it. Then again, some women just want to get some…no big deal. I wouldn’t hate on a woman for giving it up on the first date if it’s what she wanted to do…

Celisea.....happy life!!

October 29th, 2012
11:08 am

Thanks Sexy, it was exquisite….very lovely. One of the babies in the wagon looked to be about 10 months or so. They had her strapped in. Why was she cooing the entire time…lol??? She was soooo sweet and well behaved. Oh, and wiggling to the music. She almost stole the show….lol

I should say “groomsmen/groomsman” not groommen. And last week I should have said shush instead of sush…lol

Just sitting here listening to music about to hop on a call. Gotta call, gotta run. Busy busy.

SlimNu

October 29th, 2012
11:11 am

Bluz – how was you and youngins’ date this past weekend? Did you get to hangout at his crib?

I have never met anyone I’d be that smitten with to give him some CT on the first date. I’m still trying to figure out if i even like yo azz at that point.

Leggs

October 29th, 2012
11:11 am

I don’t give it up on the first date. If I sleep with someone soon, it’s someone that I’ve known a while. – You do realize you may have known them for a while in different circles, but if you give it up on the first time you two went out on a date, knowing them before hand is nil and void.

kimmie ~ I certainly will. Page’s outfit was handmade and off the chain. Very creative. Go to her page to see it.

Bluzgirl

October 29th, 2012
11:22 am

Slim – the date went really well. Better than I could have expected. We like each other, but I’m taking is very slow. I told him early in the night that I wanted to be honest up front so he didn’t expect anything at the end of the night and told him that I wasn’t comfortable going to his place yet. It would be a while before I felt comfy with that or with him coming to my place.

He was very sweet and quite the gentleman. Opened the car door to let me get in. Opened other doors. While at the movie, he touched my hand to see if I would react and I touched him back to let him know it was ok to hold my hand. He did hold my hand during the rest of the movie and put his arm around me. After the movie, we went back to the bar that we started out at and had a few beers. Time flew by, which is a good sign. We had great conversation and I enjoyed his company. We’ll see if it goes anywhere. We talked on the phone Sat and texted a few times Sat night and Sun. I’m going to let him ask me out again. I can tell that he likes me for sure! Then again…how could he not? :-)

i'm swiss

October 29th, 2012
11:31 am

Howdy, folks.

On topic: As a dude, I’ll take sex on a first date if it’s there for the taking. But then she’ll never be anything more than booty to me. Is that fair? Probably not, but it’s the truth…

Off topic: HOW ‘BOUT THEM DAWGS!!!!!! Big props to the team & coaches for proving me wrong — for one game, anyway. Now, please do it again, six more times.

kimmie

October 29th, 2012
11:32 am

Bluz – Now that sounds great! I like where this is headed!

Albert

October 29th, 2012
11:34 am

I wouldn’t expect it on the first date, but I certainly wouldn’t tur it down if she offered it either! :)

Robert

October 29th, 2012
11:36 am

“Would you be opposed to getting physical on the first date?”

Guy’s how many of you have been “stopped at the front door” when you try to leave a woman on the first date who wants to “take it to the next step”. You can try all you want to be a gentleman and excuse yourself before the “heat of the battle” but you know darn well the woman will think “what is wrong with her” or “he must be a Bama or gay” if you do not satisfy her sexual desires. Men are darned if they do and darned if they don’t. My advice don’t walk her to her front door if you do not want sex on the first date. Stay in the car and watch her from a distance. lol…

SlimNu

October 29th, 2012
11:37 am

Bluz – Good job…i’m glad you two seemed to have enjoyed each other company. But as you stated, just T a k e i t s l o w ;-) If you feel uncomfortable doing something then don’t do it. :-D

YouMeetMe

October 29th, 2012
11:39 am

Two completely different people meet first time. Nobody knows anybody. In this situation, nether of two should expect physical on first date. It takes time, long time to understand each other.

I dated few females. I slept with some of them, never on first date. It took more than 4 weeks and that too after meeting more than six to eight times.

Albert

October 29th, 2012
11:41 am

Oops– that’s “turn it down”! LOL!

Bluzgirl

October 29th, 2012
11:42 am

swiss – GO DAWGS!!! It wasn’t a pretty win, but I’ll take it!!!

kimmie – Thanks! I like it too…I’ll come on here and have ya’ll slap me if need be! LOL! I think I can continue to take things slow…I am not interested in jumping right in. I do think I’ll be inviting him to my birthday party…

kimmie

October 29th, 2012
11:42 am

Swiss – The press keeps calling it an “ugly” win, but I’ll take it!!! To be honest, I kinda had a feeling we would have an upset, but I didn’t want to jinx it by declaring it outloud!!LOL!!

SlimNu

October 29th, 2012
11:43 am

No offense as I’m probably a big offender at times…but folks say some of the dumbest things :roll:

Jake-SPJTWB

October 29th, 2012
11:46 am

What folks…You know the answer on the topic….Sharing is Caring

Swiss…told you them Dawgs would get it done!

Jake-SPJTWB

October 29th, 2012
11:52 am

YouMeetme….soooooo, you slept with some of them, were they worth the wait, and did the relationships last for a substantial period….If not, wouldn’t a shot of azz and a goodbye have been sufficient vs. 1 month, and 6 to 8 dates

Robert

October 29th, 2012
12:06 pm

“Guys, have you ever decided to “go there” and make a move on the first date?”

When “my eyes met your eyes” I am already planning how to “go there” whether we are talking on the phone or planning our first date. A man who fails to plan, plans to fail especially as it relates to women and relationships. I will not date a woman that I did not feel passion & desire leading up to intimacy (sex) whether it’s the first date or last date. That is my goal and I know how to score. From my experience’s women feel the same way.

i'm swiss

October 29th, 2012
12:07 pm

kimmie / Jake — That game was a thing of beauty in my book. But don’t think for one second that I’m going to abandon my Full Munson Mode now. Hell, if that’s what it takes for us to actually look like we care, then I’ll spend the next 3 weeks losing sleep over how good GA Southern’s punter looks. And don’t look now, but Ole Miss is starting to put it together under their new coach and has won 2 straight SEC games, and could’ve won the A&M game, too. Plus Auburn has nothing to lose and is guaranteed to throw the kitchen sink at us, and Tech… well, okay, even I can’t come up with a valid reason to worry about Tech… ;lol:

Jake-SPJTWB

October 29th, 2012
12:10 pm

Tech really sucks dont they

SlimNu

October 29th, 2012
12:17 pm

Random: Shole can’t wait to get some leftover roast I made yesterday

i'm swiss

October 29th, 2012
12:20 pm

Jake — Indeed they do. Looks like their AD has seen the writing on the wall and is getting while the getting is good:

http://blogs.ajc.com/georgia-tech-sports/2012/10/28/clemson-reportedly-interested-in-radakovich/

Sadly, I suspect coach fish fry won’t be too far behind. I’ll miss them…

Exiled!

October 29th, 2012
12:23 pm

Bluz,he touched u and u touched him back..

So date two?? Keeping fingers crossed he gon hit it?

Bluz?? :???:

Exiled!

October 29th, 2012
12:27 pm

I watched the Falcons,I think the hype is warranted!

But Payton is also coming up. His demolition of Drew Breed was a thing of beauty.

Dawgs?

Lucky!

Into the Light

October 29th, 2012
12:28 pm

Afternoon, all!

I am back from vacation, relaxed and happy, happy, happy!

HOW ‘BOUT THEM DAWGS!!!! :) And Munson Jr. Swiss, let’s just keep the faith, baby….keep the faith.

(waving) Heeey, Bluz. Glad your date went well. sn: Does he grip your hand when he holds it as firmly as he shakes??? When he shook my hand last Saturday night, I was like, “Dang! I like a firm handshake, but let’s keep some blood flowing to the digits….” :)

@Leggs: Hey there, Ms. Classy Lady! How are you this fine, frosty day?

i'm swiss

October 29th, 2012
12:30 pm

Me.lo — I think you meant to say, “Old Lady Luck looked down on the Dawgs and just GRINNED from ear to ear!!!” :lol:

Leggs

October 29th, 2012
12:30 pm

swiss ~ I watched the game while recuperating. Had an 11-year old sitting in the chair all propped up with pillows after shattering his elbow during practice. I thought it was a good game with some great plays, especially after the 11-yr. old explained them to me!

Into the Light

October 29th, 2012
12:30 pm

@Slimmy: Great minds think alike! I made a roast yesterday in my new “Ninja Cooking System”. In a word – YUM.

i'm swiss

October 29th, 2012
12:32 pm

ITL — Ninja, please. :lol:

Leggs

October 29th, 2012
12:34 pm

Hey there, ITL. I am good. First day I put stockings on and a turtleneck. I’m nice and toasty.

i'm swiss

October 29th, 2012
12:35 pm

Leggs — There were indeed a lot a great plays, particularly on the defensive side of the ball. Jarvis Jones is a bad dude.

Into the Light

October 29th, 2012
12:35 pm

lmao@Swiss! Boy, quit!!! :lol: :lol:

I am so excited that we’re back in Athens this week. I know Sanford is going to be rocking and rolling when we welcome our team home!

Bluzgirl

October 29th, 2012
12:37 pm

HEY ITL!!! Glad to have you back on here!!! He had a nice hand holding technique! :-) Just right…