Why do nice girls get dumped?
I received an email from one of our readers that asked, “Why do nice girls get dumped for women that torture men?” – a loaded question for sure. “Brenda” is actually considering becoming less of a nice girl to get a little more action. Bad idea or worth a try?
My concern is that pretending to be something you are not is a recipe for disaster. You can only keep the false personality going for so long, right? Why does it seem that nice girls (like nice guys!) get looked over or put on the back burner?
Would you ever project a more “edgy” image in order to get the attention of someone who was into the bad girl/bad boy type?
Guys, when will a man tend to steer clear of the wild girls and be more open to the nice girls? Are women expected to wait till you get that out of your system?
By Wise Diva, Misadventures in Atlanta Dating Blog
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168 comments Add your comment
Single and Happy
October 26th, 2012
7:03 am
Okay so what’s a nice girl? If she’s always getting dumped, as she put it. She probably needs to look in the mirror and at the type of guys she keeps being attracted too.
lee
October 26th, 2012
7:04 am
She needs to be herself. And thank her lucky stars he went away.
I was told once ” you truly are a nice person” he didn’t want a relationship with me. Some men i think crave DRAMA like it is a challenge of some kind. He dates all kinds of chicks and his story’s are funny but still he has no one, and is miserable and unhappy. Guess he hasn’t figured it out yet, he keeps going after the same chick that ends with the same results.
Celisea.....happy life!!
October 26th, 2012
7:42 am
Gooooood morning!!!
First off, let me just say, NEVER EVER change who you are for anyone…let alone behind the effort to turn a man’s head. I get it though. I’m not like many women. I’m not racing, competing (knowingly), dumbing down, conforming, hooching, slumming….NONE OF THAT in an effort to get a man or doing what I see some women doing because it seemingly yeild better results. Yeah that all depends on what we call “results.” Then you have to ask, for how long?
Times have change…that should be one thing you should be crystal clear on. We are no longer in the time where men pursue…for the most part. Why? Because they don’t have to. Nowadays, men don’t have to commit for the prize, where the value of sex and a woman’s body is zilch, where a snickers bar will get a dude laid. So, if you’re sitting home twiddling your thumbs and waiting for the man of yesteryear to happen upon you, you’re going to be waiting a looooooooooooong time.
What I will say or suggest is getting in where you fit in. That does not mean depleting values, dumbing down, being “easy”, running them down, giving it up (too easily or too early), at the mere sign of him breathing your way. I would say put yourself out there, live by standards and hold to them. Yes, have an edge (DON’T CHANGE WHO YOU ARE) but be a lady…a woman. What don’t work for you, keep with that. If you can’t find a medium or compromise, be willing to let it go. Don’t feel threatened by the next chick. More than anything, always always be willing to walk if you’re not getting out of it, ONE HUNDRED!! Always always know, if he’s a jerk, runs around with a gang of women, disrespectful, can get ‘em easily, etc., that that’s something the next woman can deal with and likely won’t change. Many dudes bank on there being a plethora of choices, an abundant supply of booty….even so and still do you. Don’t EVER succumb to feeling threatened. Cool if she “does it all” and no qualms of getting “all” done as soon as they speak. Her issue not yours.
Men like women that are a challenge….not difficult. Men like women with standards. Men like women that are head and shoulders. Yeah yeah yeah, they’ll go with cute and easy for a hot second, but if there’s nothing underneath the cover, they ain’t hanging around long. Oooor, they’ll only be in for “drive-bys.”
What I do believe is that no matter the time and how women that lack are messing up the game, a man’s nature is a part of his DNA. It’s in here to be the head, the provider, the giver, the pursuer. He’s gotta see a prize though in order to chase. Present yourself as that prize and you’ll see better results. Bump all that other foolishness folks do cause they believe that’s what will do it. Do you.
Excited and ready for the weekend….yeaaah baby!
Celisea.....happy life!!
October 26th, 2012
7:47 am
It’s in him….not it’s in here….my baaaaad
Exiled!
October 26th, 2012
8:24 am
The women that are ‘not nice’(to use ur verbiage) have ‘mystery’ puddy! And if it ain’t outa your system yet you feel the challenge to tap that ‘mystery,high horse puddy’. To ‘crack it’,if u will.
And by ‘nice chics’ u mean those on the str8 and narrow. Most times,those nice chics are looking for marriage. Not a bad thing.
But if a guy is looking to tap tap tap,you kinda feel guilty tap tap tapping on a ‘nice’ chic,just because. And if u do,u know she gon be putting u under pressure when u not ready,like they always do…
’so are we exclusive now since u hitting it like that?’
This is the ‘problem’ with ‘nice’ girls!
Morning MIA!
SlimNu
October 26th, 2012
8:55 am
Morning gang bangers
disco
October 26th, 2012
8:55 am
good morning. my first thought re brenda’s predicament is that even if you can put up a long-term front it’s likely a lot easier for a bad girl to pretend to be good than a good girl to pretend to be bad. her efforts will likely come off as comical. just my take though.
disco
October 26th, 2012
9:02 am
re pretending to be good / bad. just last night I was visiting a friend with a five year old. he was cutting up, got spanked and sent to his room. he’s standing in the door of his room asking if he can come back out. she said not until he was ready to be good. he instantly replied that he was ready to be good. his mom told him that he still had bad written all over his face. meanwhile I’m sitting there cracking up and glad I’m finished with kids. still, old girl Brenda can try to play bad but if she’s not bad, she’s not bad. ain’t no future in her frontin’.
Enigma
October 26th, 2012
9:14 am
simple answer: Nice girls get dumped because GOD has someone better for them.
SlimNu
October 26th, 2012
9:14 am
I can see the frustration one can have in this crazy ass world of dating. You would think that being a good nice person, that surely it would be easy to find a guy/girl that can appreciate that. Folks hum and ho about not finding a good guy/girl but when they get one, ohhh they are toooooo effing nice. But you take a look and see all the b!tches seems to have a partner. So the mind says, well hey, maybe if I act like I don’t care, act like an ass, act uncompromisingly then maybe, just maybe i’ll find my partner. So I can empathize with the blogger…
Exiled!
October 26th, 2012
9:29 am
Can u blow my whistle
Whistle baby whistle baby
Here I come!
Leggs
October 26th, 2012
9:30 am
“…actually considering becoming less of a nice girl to get a little more action. Bad idea or worth a try? – Bad idea! I remember asking this guy way back when why he paid so much attention to the bad girls and so little attention to me. Those ladies would key his car, egg his house, stalk him by being on his doorstep when he came home making all types of scenes. He wound up marrying one of them and is now divorced. He said I was sweet and mean, but not mean enough.
Now, decades later, this is the same dude calling me up asking me out for a date with no damn place to go!
Stay good, Brenda. No need to be something you’re not. Thoses bad to the bone are born that way, no need to “fake the funk” simply for attention. Plus, if you can’t keep up the charade why even start??
Morning.
SlimNu
October 26th, 2012
9:36 am
Now, decades later, this is the same dude calling me up asking me out for a date with no damn place to go!
lol
Perfect song for today is a throwback…Salt n Peppa
Express yourself, you gotta be you and only you, babe
Express yourself, and let me be me
Express yourself, don’t tell me what I cannot do, baby
Come on and work your body
Now Joe wanna be like Bob
Bob got it goin’ on with no job
And everything Rob got he got from Robin
And everything she got she got ho-hoppin’
My girl Jilly wanna be like Jackie
Fat rope chains and I think that’s wick-wacky
Tom and Dick wanna be like Harry
Little do they know he’s bitin’ on Barry
Stan was a scam, but Vinnie’s legit
Mercedes coupe hometroop with no kit
A businessman with a beeper for a reason
Not like Tim because it’s in this season
Leggs
October 26th, 2012
9:36 am
*** PSA ***
My offered me his Ga Tech tix for tomorrow’s game against BYU (whoever that is) at 3:00. I can’t go, but if any of you are interested I can run to his house and pick them up. Let me know.
disco
October 26th, 2012
9:45 am
leggs – I didn’t realize no plan dude had history like that. personally it almost makes him kind of pitiful. he’s too gunshy to start fresh. (by no means is this a dig at you). I’m all for trying to reunite with an old flame but sometimes it just tells your truth. case in point. my father moved away from PA 30+ years ago. a couple of years ago he moved back. some chick that he hit 30+ years ago came out the woodworks and latched on to him. this wouldn’t be so bad except that my father is nobody’s prize. lol. old girl sweating him like that just screams she ain’t got nothing going on in her life and she’s still holding on to whatever she created in her mind all those years ago.
MsML5
October 26th, 2012
9:49 am
Interesting topic…I’ve thought before “do I have to be a b**** to catch someone”. But I quickly decided to remain who I am because that act could only last so long.
MsAtl
October 26th, 2012
9:50 am
Morning all! Been missing for several days in depositions. Common- there is an end in sight to the discovery period; only 5 more depos to go today & monday.
Celisea:
I’m not racing, competing (knowingly), dumbing down, conforming, hooching, slumming….NONE OF THAT!
I agree one hundred percent with this statement. You can only fake for so long, then the real you will come out. I am not into games. I want to deal with the real person and thus, I will show my true self. You can either appreciate me for me or kick rocks. And I definitely will not be a “bad girl” in order to get a date. What is that really about???
Leggs
October 26th, 2012
9:50 am
I hear you, disco. Didn’t take it as a dig. I know too much about this dude. He was a man whore back in the day. Sure I dated him for a spell, but I walked away when I realized how much puddy he was getting. We remained friends, but again, I know too much.
disco
October 26th, 2012
10:04 am
oooo kay. guess this is going to be a very long Friday.
Sassy Me...Juicy Fruit ;-)
October 26th, 2012
10:13 am
Would you ever project a more “edgy” image in order to get the attention of someone who was into the bad girl/bad boy type?
No I wouldn’t…I mean it’s not really a stretch for me to do that anyway b/c to/for some that’s how I come across. I’ve actually done the opposite in one or two of my past relationships. Initially, the guys would be attracted to that fiery element in my personality only to complain about it once we were together…so I tempered it/toned it down and then the problems started. Things got boring and I got bored as well and the relationships ended soon after.
I know I’m not for everybody nor would I pretend to be. I don’t see myself as a “bad girl” per se`…I just keeps it one hunned, is all. And there is a difference.
Plus now that I’m dating my kryptonite(Mr. Bermuda) it doesn’t even matter…he takes whatever I dish out and keeps rolling like it never happened…but he puts his foot down when he feels the need. I love that
Single and Happy
October 26th, 2012
10:14 am
Hello all, so this is a good girl that like guys that like bad girls? Like there are no guys out there that like good girls? Solution change in to a bad girl to the the guy’s that like bad girls. yea that will work out.
Leggs, has your friend ever been the type of person to make his own decisions?
Disco, you know that made you long for the days of having a little one (LOL)
DuShawn
October 26th, 2012
10:14 am
Sometimes guys let nice girls go to save them from inevitable heartbreak and misuse. In the past, I have dated some real nice girls that quite frankly deserved a better man than I was at the time.
Sassy Me...Juicy Fruit ;-)
October 26th, 2012
10:15 am
No it ain’t disco…it’s early that’s all. Plus we haven’t had a topic change yet cause you know we either gone go to Dr. Phil’s couch or have a Fifty Shades kinda convo before the day’s over…
disco
October 26th, 2012
10:22 am
S/H – re longing for wanting a little one. truth be told I was sitting there thinking she took way too long to get to the point of spanking him and sending him to his room. the boy was out of control and disruptive for a good 30 minutes before she got hold of him. if I missed anything it was snatching a kid up. lol.
Single and Happy
October 26th, 2012
10:30 am
disco, when I went to vote yesterday there was this little girl acting up, and her mother would make her sit down, she would cry, but in 2 minutes she was back at it. I’m thinking they would have had to call DCS on me (LOL)
Single and Happy
October 26th, 2012
10:35 am
I guess most of the women I’ve dated were good girls then, because I’ve never had my car keyed been stalked, (maybe a little once) no baby mama drama when it came to relationships. And I’m by no means a good guy in my opinion, but I’m far from being a bad guy also. Now we still had issues and went our separate ways. Hmmm maybe I need to find a bad girl (LOL)
disco
October 26th, 2012
10:42 am
S/H – now I can spend some time talking about bad A kids. that there’s a topic I know. a friend told me he went to pick his daughter up from school and another mother/daughter were there having some issues. the mother commenced the countdown thing. the little girl folded her arms, looked at her momma and said “you can count to 100 if you want to”. now I wasn’t there but when I heard the story I bust out laughing. that child would have been asking strangers to help her find her teeth.
Leggs
October 26th, 2012
10:48 am
Single ~ he definitely makes his own decisions. He’s not wussy at all, just been blinded by puddy most of his life.
Single and Happy
October 26th, 2012
10:49 am
Leggs, how does that go together, makes his own decisions but can’t plan a date?
Bluzgirl
October 26th, 2012
10:49 am
Not all nice girls get dumped. We stick around and be used and taken advantage of! LOL!
Seriously…why would you want to change who you are to try to get a man? I know that I need to adjust some of my things (like being too generous too fast), but I will not change who I am. I like being nice and generous…I just have to reel it in some so that the users don’t find me too easily!
Leggs
October 26th, 2012
10:52 am
I’ve never been a bad girl. Never keyed, stalked, egged, jumped on the hood of cars, blowing your phone up, crying when I saw you begging you to keep me, etc…..HELL NO!
Willie Dynamite
October 26th, 2012
10:56 am
Morning all,
Ahh the story of my life. I have always been attracted to the bish type. I ended up marrying a good girl. Not that I’m noble or anything but like Dushawn I too have let a few pass because they were quite frankly too good a girl for me. Honestly the wifey and I knew each other yrs before we dated. I was a knucklehead and knew I could only give her a good time and heartache.
DuShawn
October 26th, 2012
10:57 am
On the subject of getting your car keyed, I remember I did this one girl so dirty. She was heartbroken. She went back and told some of her girlfriends what happened. They baited me up to come back around her house. I go upstairs to ring her doorbell, her friends come out of nowhere and starts throwing eggs at my car. I go back downstairs, they surround me and put their set up ready to fight! These women were about to whuupp my azz for the way I treated their girl. And we weren’t kids… we were like in our mid twenties when this happened. A couple of these girls were in med school and the others were corporate professional chicks. The trip part, I had to see her in the office the next day. We worked in the same building.
Sassy Me...Juicy Fruit ;-)
October 26th, 2012
11:01 am
they surround me and put their set up ready to fight! These women were about to whuupp my azz for the way I treated their girl.
REGULATORS!!!….mount up
They were about to go in on yo azz…you must’ve done her real dirty.
disco
October 26th, 2012
11:01 am
okay. let’s just define “bad girl”. granted I know I probably would never make anyone’s good/nice girl list (other than little old church ladies) but I’m trying to determine if I’m solidly on the bad girl list. is there a middle ground? lol. while I’ve never keyed a car or egged a car or slashed a tire I’ve done a few property damage moves in my day. while I don’t think I ever blew up a phone I remember one specific incident where I recruited friends to blow up a guy’s pager. yeah. it was that long ago. lol. once I got into it with a guy – the scene, projects under the tree where the dealers and nobodies shot craps – he was giving me grief. just so happened a police car drove by. I flagged it down and told the officers dude had warrants. he was promptly arrested and I even went in the house (yeah, I lived in said projects) and got my camera and took pics. was that bad?
dushawn – now that sounds funny. how do you explain to your boys that a bunch of females got the right side of your face puffy like that? lol.
Sassy Me...Juicy Fruit ;-)
October 26th, 2012
11:03 am
how do you explain to your boys that a bunch of females got the right side of your face puffy like that?
Okay?!
Leggs
October 26th, 2012
11:06 am
disco ~ I feel you on your 10:42. I can honestly say my child wouldn’t even think about doing that. Not only that, she wouldn’t have had the time to fold both arms because I would have snatched her up w/the quickness.
Leggs
October 26th, 2012
11:07 am
Single ~ You would have to ask him that.
Leggs
October 26th, 2012
11:11 am
Dushawn ~ I wished they would have whupped your a$$ (lol).
disco
October 26th, 2012
11:14 am
dang leggs. lol. not that you said you wished he would have got the beat down. lol. truth be told, he might have got it and is too shamed to tell the tale.
dushawn – how did you finagle your way out of that situation? the chicks were angry, blasting your ride, had you surrounded. just how did you escape? you left that part out.
Leggs
October 26th, 2012
11:18 am
Yeah, let’s hear about the great escape. Even though you did her dirty, did she relent after seeing her mob of friends and ask them not to beat you to the white meat???
SlimNu
October 26th, 2012
11:20 am
I’m already hungry?
disco
October 26th, 2012
11:27 am
bluz – I thought of you briefly last night. the friend that I went to visit (with the 5 year old) was telling me about her therapy sessions. I knew she went to therapy. I just forgot when detailing my list of friends who were attending therapy. I remember thinking therapy might just be the next big thing. forget let’s go shopping, let’s go have a drink. let’s all get together and go to “group”. lol.
MsAtl
October 26th, 2012
11:28 am
Sorry, DuShawn, but it would have been funny to see you get lumped up a bit, lol.
O/T- as far as bad A kids go, I have seen some doozies out in public. My kids know the rule- where you act up is wher you get jacked up. There is no wait until we get home.
DuShawn
October 26th, 2012
11:28 am
I’m laughing as I type this, my heart started beating fast for a second, I went to fight or flight mode momentarily, I put my set up too, I wasn’t just gone get swung on. And back then I always carried fiya. I had a pistol in my waistband. I caught myself and started laughing like man WTF are you doing. I hopped in the whip and went to carwash, before I got locked up and lost my job messing with them crazy chicks.
disco
October 26th, 2012
11:32 am
dushawn – you know you my man 20 grand and all but the story still sounds suspect. I know if it was me and a gang of my peeps it wouldn’t have gone down like that. you would have hecka time trying to get in the car. ijs. is that really what happened? if you don’t want to tell us then just say so.
Leggs
October 26th, 2012
11:33 am
They should have surrounded your ride preventing you from leaving. Guess it would have been an ugly ight for sure. Why the car wash?
Leggs
October 26th, 2012
11:36 am
Exactly, disco. No one threw a rock, a bottle, whipped out a switchblade. Oh, forgot, never bring a knife to a gunfight. If my sister was in that group she would have thrown her knife at you before you could pull the gun out your waistband! Believe…
DuShawn
October 26th, 2012
11:40 am
Yall tripping those girls didnt actually want fight a grown man. Who does that. They were just showing out. All of us were looking silly making a scene
DuShawn
October 26th, 2012
11:41 am
Leggs- carwash to sray the eggs off my car
Leggs
October 26th, 2012
11:42 am
Oh, forgot about the eggs. Gotcha!
disco
October 26th, 2012
11:44 am
dushawn – okay. “those” girls. I was just being clear. like I said, I know some girls, especially in a group like that, that would have given you a run for your money. I had a party once back in high school. some guys tried to crash. short version of the story, me and two other female cousins were out on the sidewalk fighting the two dudes who tried to crash. my brother and male cousins and play cousins were around but they all pulled back and were like “the girls got this”. we tore those dudes up.
Sassy Me...Juicy Fruit ;-)
October 26th, 2012
11:45 am
Yall tripping those girls didnt actually want fight a grown man. Who does that.
Playa puhleaze…if a “group” of ANGRY SISTA had you surrounded and not ONE threw a lick…sht they’re good. Had it been the right crew…you’s gone learn that day..
Sassy Me...Juicy Fruit ;-)
October 26th, 2012
11:46 am
*SISTAS*
Exiled!
October 26th, 2012
11:47 am
Disco I think Dushawn story is true..when u know u played dirty,your conscience is guilty so u dont wanna fight.
Besides,being egged is embarrassing but harmless when you think bout it.
Leggs
October 26th, 2012
11:47 am
disco
October 26th, 2012
11:48 am
sassy – ya heard? lol. we still talk about how my cousin bust one of the guys in the head with a glass pitcher. it was one of those heavy crystal cut type pitchers that your grandma has for serving guests. her good pitcher. lol. she swung the first blow that set off the fight with that pitcher.
Leggs
October 26th, 2012
11:48 am
I’m with disco and Sassy. Dushawn you lucked up because you were surrounded by the wrong group of women. Point blank.
SlimNu
October 26th, 2012
11:53 am
Speaking on the bad kids topic, when I was young we were not even allowed to fold our arms, suck our teeth, mumble under our breath or slap any doors. Maybe as you get older you get less hard…because my neice seems to tell my mom what to do sometimes. I look at my mom like, Who Are you. You would never let me get away with that. Errry now and then the old mom will come out lol
DuShawn
October 26th, 2012
11:53 am
It went down like it went, if they would’ve swole me up I would put it out there. I’ve shared plenty of embarrassing stories in this forum. Actually, i’m glad they let me leave and it didnt escalate. I was already a felon with a concealed weapon. If them folks would have showed up I would have been scarred.
MsAtl
October 26th, 2012
11:56 am
Slim- I remember stomping my foot at my mom ONCE! Bad enough I stepped on a Jack (metal) when I stomped but I still got tore up as if my bleeding foot wasn’t enough.
Leggs
October 26th, 2012
11:57 am
That’s right, SlimNu. I quickly found out that putting my hands on my hips was not something to do while Mama was talking/yelling at me. Couldn’t utter the word “stupid,” bad things happened if you dared to say you were “bored,” and never, ever suck your teeth. I’m surprised mine were never knocked out.
DuShawn
October 26th, 2012
11:57 am
You know another trip part about that… Imma QUE and they were all Deltas.
disco
October 26th, 2012
11:57 am
slim – I say that too about folks getting soft as they age. my mom and one of her sisters in particular were hardcore and now they are well on their way to becoming pushovers. not quite there yet but well on their way. they claim they can soften up on the grands but I call BS. of course, I’ve got a couple of other aunts that pick up the slack. they are still threatening to cut kids across the throat.
alright then D. your word is bond. lol. whatever you did to that particular girl did you ever do it to another girl?
DuShawn
October 26th, 2012
12:00 pm
Dayum, im getting old. that happened 22 years ago.
SlimNu
October 26th, 2012
12:02 pm
I mumbled under my breath once after my mom had got onto me about something. She was like, WHAT DID YOU SAY? Say it again…Say what you just mumbled under your breath again! Then she hauled off and popped me in my mouth. Then she said, if you do it again, the next time i’m knocking some teeth outcha mouth!
If i rolled my eyes, she’d pop me in the middle of my forehead…if you slammed the door then when you got home from school you wouldn’t have a door anymore to slam lol
MsAtl – I remember I stepped on a toothpick one time. It was sticking up out of the carpet — shag carpeting at that
I had to go to the ER to have it removed.
disco – Yeah that’s pretty much how I feel about my mom. If i’m around them, I call her out on it then she’ll try to beef it up.
SlimNu
October 26th, 2012
12:03 pm
I’m glad my sister will still be stern with her though…tear that tail up but then my niece will go run to my mom or stepdad for sympathy
disco
October 26th, 2012
12:05 pm
slim – I grew up hearing shut your mouth and keep your teeth. while my mother and aunts generally beat the brakes off of me I managed to avoid whoopings by my father, uncles, grandparents. my father choked me good once and I got group whoopings by one grandfather but I knew that wasn’t personal. gramps was like if I come up those stairs everybody up there is getting it. he meant it to. he’d even whoop the kids that was asleep just in case he was pretending to be. lol.
Single and Happy
October 26th, 2012
12:11 pm
“They should have surrounded your ride preventing you from leaving.” I wish a mob of anybody would surround my car thinking I won’t run there a$$ over (LOL)
DuShawn
October 26th, 2012
12:11 pm
Disco…I actually met her in the food court of the building we worked in a few days later and sincerely apologized to her. I told her I was dead wrong and wanted to at least be civil to each other. We agreed we both behaved childishly and kept it moving.
disco
October 26th, 2012
12:13 pm
dushawn – that’s all gravy but my question was did you ever repeat the offense? lol.
DuShawn
October 26th, 2012
12:18 pm
No…you live and learn. It has been a long evolution for me to become the man you are reading today.
DuShawn
October 26th, 2012
12:19 pm
Most of the things I share on here happened decades ago. My current life is like the Huxtables.
SlimNu
October 26th, 2012
12:20 pm
he’d even whoop the kids that was asleep just in case he was pretending to be
disco
October 26th, 2012
12:21 pm
dushawn – I was just checking to see if you learned a lesson. like you said, that whole situation could have gone left. some folks would have gotten nothing from it but a few laughs.
disco
October 26th, 2012
12:23 pm
slim – he never ever had to climb those stairs twice. shoot we were all sniffling and slobbing and quietly blaming each other when he finished. lol.
Leggs
October 26th, 2012
12:24 pm
Since we going back to when we were little, what is the one thing you did that landed you in the hospital for the first time?
Willie Dynamite
October 26th, 2012
12:26 pm
Du- what did you do so dirty to the chick? I have a good idea but wanna hear it from you.
disco
October 26th, 2012
12:28 pm
leggs – got pregnant. LOL.
Leggs
October 26th, 2012
12:28 pm
Dang WillieD, you have an idea??? It could be a host of things a guy did to a girl acting like they’re grown with sense.
Leggs
October 26th, 2012
12:29 pm
Ok, disco (lol). Silly. You were a teen mom.
Single and Happy
October 26th, 2012
12:33 pm
disco, did you get a whooping for getting pregnant?
disco
October 26th, 2012
12:37 pm
leggs – it is what it is. only time I’ve ever been hospitalized. my son has never been hospitalized. had stitches in his head once though.
S/H – not sure if that’s a serious question or a joke question but I’ll answer anyway. i didn’t get a whooping but I’m still convinced that the only reason why is because I was dang near in labor when folks figured it out.
SlimNu
October 26th, 2012
12:37 pm
Leggs – I guess I was pretty cool since the only time i HAD to go to the hospital injury wise was just for the toothpick incident. Any other hospital stay was for tonsils, tubes in ears etc…Now my sister went to the ER several times
When she was little, she tried to climb up on the bathroom counter and ended up falling on that nail the toilet is bolted to the floor with. (It didn’t have a plastic cap over it) Anyway, she bust her lip open and had to get st!tches…Another time, she was running around the pool (yeah the signs says no running) but she fell and bust her head open and had to get more needle and thread lol
Single and Happy
October 26th, 2012
12:39 pm
disco, it was supposed to be a joke, forgot the (LOL)
kimmie
October 26th, 2012
12:44 pm
Happy Friday Blog Crew!!
On topic – “Nice” is relative and so-called nice folk get dumped just as much as so-called “bad” folks. The phenomena is called LIFE. The quicker you realize that the better.
I’m not receptive to the nice or the bad title to describe a person anymore the older I get. Reason is I’ve peeled back the layers from so-called nice people only to find they are not so “nice” in the general sense or just not that special. So you are bland and conservative, a loner with no personality, you never take a chance on anything or just step out on faith and go for what you want, you’re quiet, you have a regular unfulfilling job that covers the bills but you have no money left to do anything fun. The squeaky wheel gets the oil. You feel you deserve a medal for doing what you are supposed to do as an adult in this society. On the other hand, just because you happen to dress a little edgy or provocuive, folks should automatically assume you are “bad” and exciting?
Yet you feel folks are supposed to fall at your feet. Get a clue, okay?
Yes, be yourself and look for others that can appreciate what you have to offer. It really is just that simple.
Exiled!
October 26th, 2012
12:56 pm
U got a point there Kimmie!
Some folks(women) front niceness until u get to know them.
How can u be ‘nice’ when u aren’t even civil with your own fo who u know and they know u?
Leggs
October 26th, 2012
12:59 pm
I stuck a purple crayon up my nose and couldn’t get it out. Rushed to hospital. Then got on punishment. Next hospital visit was when I fell off a discard armchair outside our apartments and got a barrett stuck in my head. Remember the mean Chinese doctor to this day. Blood everywhere. Another punishment. Next time I broke my foot playing punch ball, then broke the cast having the nerve to play punch ball with the cast on. Mama nearly skinned me alive for that one!
Willie Dynamite
October 26th, 2012
1:07 pm
Legs – for lack of finding a better way to put it. You were a lil bad azz kid.
SexyCool
October 26th, 2012
1:10 pm
kimmie – standing ovation, slow clap…that post is gospel.
SexyCool
October 26th, 2012
1:15 pm
If someone dumps you, it means you weren’t for them and they weren’t for you.
Leggs
October 26th, 2012
1:19 pm
Just left cafeteria and we’re joking around when the cashier said her bad a$$ daughter is throwing a party that may land some folk in jail. Why the guy next to me in line said “bad girls, I’m looking for one!” So, guess they’re still in high demand.
Leggs
October 26th, 2012
1:21 pm
WillieD ~ I was a helluva tomboy growing up. Can you believe that?
Willie Dynamite
October 26th, 2012
1:25 pm
Leggs- to answer your ? My guess is that Dushawn treated a chick that thought very highly of herself as just another casual piece of puddy. She prolly told her gf’s all bout him and then he basically dogged her. Based on reading him in the past he prolly didn’t take the gentlemanly route causing her to be cheapened and embarrassed. That’s just my guess. Of course I could be very wrong.
Leggs
October 26th, 2012
1:32 pm
No doubt he dogged her.
SlimNu
October 26th, 2012
1:33 pm
I suppose “bad girls’ equates to “good fun” lol
SexyCool
October 26th, 2012
1:34 pm
Du made her want to break up wit’ herSELF!
Leggs
October 26th, 2012
1:43 pm
Yep, SlimNu!
SlimNu
October 26th, 2012
1:43 pm
Comon Cents sends a hello to the blog fam…Stuck in court today
Leggs
October 26th, 2012
1:44 pm
Dang I know it’s the weekend before Halloween, but did everyone go Ghost!!!
SlimNu
October 26th, 2012
1:49 pm
I’m still here begrudgingly lol..just one more hour
Single and Happy
October 26th, 2012
1:51 pm
still lurking, slim when did you live in Skeegee?
SlimNu
October 26th, 2012
1:53 pm
SH – I was there a looooooooooooooooooooong time ago but I mainly grew up here. I think I got here when I was maybe 6 or 7 but my grandmother and a few cousins were still down there. Now granny is in Midway and my folks are in Montgomery. I have a few cousins and an aunt in Opelika/Auburn area.
Single and Happy
October 26th, 2012
1:54 pm
Okay slim, I used to hang out down there alot, I’m from Opelika, and that place used to be jumping.
Robert
October 26th, 2012
1:57 pm
“Why does it seem that nice girls (like nice guys!) get looked over or put on the back burner?”
I can only speak for myself. As a “nice guy” I get looked over by women I am attracted to because they see a attractive, single “nice guy” and assume something must be wrong with him. For example in ATL women will assume you are a player, gay or on dow-low, etc.. Women will ask why is he not in a committed relationship or married? I asked a female friend what is wrong with me? Why do I attract the wrong kind of women? She asked me why am I attracted to emotionally damaged women due to past relationships, jealous women,un-trusting women and brain dead women due to over use of technology, etc.. She told me that I was a “nice guy” and women will judge you because they are insecure and would rather take a chance on someone less challenging. She told me women “fear” trusting you inspite of your good intentions.
The lesson here guys is to make sure you do not leave an impression that you are un-trustworthy. Make sure you treat your women with respect (no cheating, stealing, etc.). Once she feels she can not trust you she will put you on the back burner. Women may still find value in the “nice guy” such as dinner dates and great sex but she will not accept you for who you are. A “nice guy” looking for a “nice women”.
DuShawn
October 26th, 2012
2:00 pm
Willie D- You pretty much called it right. This is what happened, I had girlfriend that was kinda in love with (we ended up being in a five year relationship, living together, and engaged), but at the time we had broken up for something. I knew we would get back together, but it had been a few months and I needed some interim puddy. So I began to date the egg girl at the same time I was trying to get my girl back. I would take her on some raw dates, we would have fun together and once she let me hit I began to beat it like almost every day. The Metrorail ran under our building and she had an apartment right by the UM station. We would hop on the train during lunch, get a quickie in at her spot, and catch the train back to work like nothing happened. She was falling, but I knew as soon as my girl comes back, it’s a wrap. And that’s exactly what happened. My girl began to come around so I had to let her go. The dirty part was that she never saw it coming. And of course, me being the scumbag that I was, had to hit it one more time for the road. I slept with the girl about two o’clock that afternoon, then called her around six and told we can’t do this anymore, I’m with somebody, it’s been real. She was crushed.
SlimNu
October 26th, 2012
2:03 pm
SH – You must mean “Country Jumpin” lol
SexyCool
October 26th, 2012
2:05 pm
Dayum, Du…ruthless…
Single and Happy
October 26th, 2012
2:05 pm
Slim Yep, country jumping, just like they do in the ATL (LOL)
kimmie
October 26th, 2012
2:06 pm
Back from lunch
Thanks crew! Life just isn’t always fair. Though I do think things have a way of balancing out. The cream always finds a way to rise to the top.
SCool – What’s shakin?
Sassy Me...Juicy Fruit ;-)
October 26th, 2012
2:07 pm
but did everyone go Ghost!!!
I want to…trying to stick around ’til at least 4…
disco
October 26th, 2012
2:09 pm
leggs – you got a barrett stuck in your head? that’s comical.
dushawn – while it’s dirty it’s not the worst that could have happened. unless you made promises while trying to get the interim P you really weren’t in the wrong. not your fault she let herself get caught up. hopefully she took a lesson away from it as well.
Leggs
October 26th, 2012
2:09 pm
Worse than I thought Dushawn! Just nasty.
disco
October 26th, 2012
2:10 pm
kimmie – lol. I’m not knocking your cream theory but a good log of poo will float to the top as well.
SlimNu
October 26th, 2012
2:11 pm
DuS – Damn, not that is some heartless ish right there…Just HAD to go back to hit her and 4hrs later tell her it’s a wrap. WOW! Has that karma train come back your way yet? lol
Leggs
October 26th, 2012
2:12 pm
disco ~ yep, that’s how hard I fell. No, not comical….you have the wrong word. The right word should be PAINFUL. You know back then we wore those metal barrettes.
SlimNu
October 26th, 2012
2:15 pm
now, not ‘not’…oops
disco
October 26th, 2012
2:16 pm
leggs – I’ll rephrase. not comical – to you, then but definitely comical to me, now reading about it. a barrette stuck in the head just sounds funny.
as for dushawn, I hate to get off team girl but I don’t think it’s really that bad. even if he was straight lying to the girl talking about he never loved anyone like he loved her she’s the one that fell for it hook line and sinker. at the end of the day you can’t be too mad at folks for playing, you have to be mad at yourself for getting played. or, in her case, she could be mad at her girls for punking out and not putting the smack down on dushawn.
kimmie
October 26th, 2012
2:16 pm
disco – Maybe I’m a little ditsy, but what was the lesson she should have learned? How will one ever find love if they don’t allow themselves to get “caught up”? I mean he did say he took her on some dates. He’s saying himself he knows he didn’t treat her right.
Sassy Me...Juicy Fruit ;-)
October 26th, 2012
2:17 pm
I slept with the girl about two o’clock that afternoon, then called her around six and told we can’t do this anymore, I’m with somebody, it’s been real.
Damn Du…that’s fkd up. I’m surprised her girls didn’t whoop your azz cause some bullsht like that.
Willie Dynamite
October 26th, 2012
2:18 pm
Du- like Disco said unless you made some promises or just outright lied unfortunately that is a part of the game. Although you cod get off on a technicality I’m sure now in your Huxtable state of mind you see how that could come off as ruthless. Just another point on the Karma scoreboard for you to over ome.
disco
October 26th, 2012
2:20 pm
kimmie – re dushawn I’m reading that he was really mentally pre-occupied with the woman he was trying to win back. he was putting time in with the other one to get some. sure he took her on some dates. you gotta put in to get out. I don’t know how much time he had in with this girl but it doesn’t seem like it was serious long term. then the fact that they worked in the same place to boot just added fuel to the fire. maybe this girl asked the right questions or maybe she didn’t. maybe she knew about the girlfriend and thought she could take him. I don’t know but I don’t really see dushawn’s offense as all that bad. as for her lesson, she’s got to pay attention. hone her instincts. snoop a little bit. I don’t know. can’t take everyone and everything at face value. it’s hard to say without knowing how forthcoming dushawn really was.
DuShawn
October 26th, 2012
2:23 pm
I hadn’t thought about her in years. When we met, she was working and in Grad school, I saw her several years after that incident and she was bartending at this strip club called the Mint. She wasn’t dancing (yet) , and she was looking good.You know I had to at least try…. if looks could kill,I would have been one stabbed up mufukka.
Leggs
October 26th, 2012
2:28 pm
“you can’t be too mad at folks for playing, you have to be mad at yourself for getting played” – It’s to get mad at yourself if you thought you were in a relationship. I understand what you’re saying only if she walked into a situation to get played. For all she knew, she probably thought she was straight up exclusively dating him. No one knows what another is thinking or planning. All the while he’s pining to get back with his ex, he’s spoon feeding her “helping” her to believe they were working on something together.
To take your logic, disco, then there’s no need for anybody to date because we are all going to get played if there’s a breakup. No, I definitely agree with your last sentence, she may have gotten played by her tribe for not putting a whupping on him.
kimmie
October 26th, 2012
2:29 pm
disco – I take it if Du is saying himself he was a cold mutha, he must have been. Only he knows if he was leading her on. I’m basically just agreeing with what Du said about himself.
Plus, the only reason folks might read it as her getting played is because it didn’t work out for her. He could have not had the ex on his mind, done and said exactly the same things to her minus the dump day, and they went on to have a long-term relationship. It’s no hard and fast rules.
Leggs
October 26th, 2012
2:33 pm
disco ~ you don’t see Dushawn’s offenses as “real bad” because you’re hard always talking like nothing touches your heart. Girl, if this happened to you the same way it happened to her, I doubt you’ll be standing in front of the mirror telling yourself “well, disco, you saw that coming and didn’t step out of the way. Blame yourself.”
Sounds like he led her own because no woman willingly will be that hurt if they knew he had other intentions. To boink me that afternoon then call later saying we are thru is cruel and heartless. When a man makes you feel like you are dirt beneath their shoe, I bet you’ll sing a different tune.
disco
October 26th, 2012
2:33 pm
leggs – not necessarily. most “breakups” don’t come out of the blue just hours after you get boned. lol.
kimmie – I just didn’t read it as if they were in a “relationship”. I read it as in they were hooking up. hence why I immediately went into “you get what you get” mode.
Leggs
October 26th, 2012
2:34 pm
“You know I had to at least try…. if looks could kill,I would have been one stabbed up mufukka.”
See, just heartless, insensitive and greedy mo fo!
Leggs
October 26th, 2012
2:35 pm
disco ~ I disagree. It’s a smoke screen. Many breakups occur after getting boned.
Leggs
October 26th, 2012
2:37 pm
Ok, now we’re talking….lol
DuShawn
October 26th, 2012
2:37 pm
karma train come back your way yet? …….its coming. I have been blessed with beautiful daughters. I have never been a liar in my dealings with women. I may not have been totally forthright and I was probably guilty of deceit by omission, but never just blatantly lying. I never had to. The honorable path would’ve been to let her know I’m just coming out of a relationship and it’s really unresolved. Before you get too invested emotionally in what we’re doing, you need to mindful of that from the onset. Few men in their early twenties have reached that level of maturity. I just wanted to nut.
disco
October 26th, 2012
2:40 pm
lol. I’m sticking to my guns. women play themselves all the time. again I don’t know this woman are the particulars but it is what it is. as for me and getting hurt, I went in the game fast and hard. I learned serious lessons the hard way and early. one thing that sunk in deep is don’t blame other people for things that happen to me. if a guy hits it and quits it that’s what I get for letting him hit it. it’s not about being hard really. it’s just about accepting responsibility for your own actions, your own feelings, yourself. has a guy ever wet his piece and got missing with me? yep. did I weep over it? nope. it just never been that real.
leggs – yes many breakups do but a lot of breakups are the opposite. folks pull back from each other more gradually. besides, in this scenario, I’m not even calling it a relationship. dushawn – was it a relationship or were y’all just kicking it?
Exiled!
October 26th, 2012
2:43 pm
No matter how you spin it a guy can never win this ‘hit puddy and quit’ argument unless he gets the chic str8 outta the bootey website..ummm like Single does.
Coz once u hit a chic good and consistenly and she likes u and u like her(and say as much) she can will Always feel ‘done dirty!’ when u decide to leave.
Soo…. Life ain’t fair!
Dushawn was fair to ex but not puddy girl.
That’s life!
With the female_male numbers skewed as they are some nice females are never going to Win.
SlimNu
October 26th, 2012
2:46 pm
Yeah, no matter what I’d be hurt by him laying his pipe to only disconnect it hours later. Even in a FWB situation, I expect respect. She probably didn’t even have a chance to wash his ball juice away before he gave her the dueces.
Exiled!
October 26th, 2012
2:50 pm
2:40 again on ur team Disco!
I don’t agree with this notion by some females that, when u hit it,it’s like u signed some binding contract!
Accept responsibity that u wanted to get laid as well.
Leggs
October 26th, 2012
2:50 pm
Dushawn was fair to ex but not puddy girl. – Exactly!
He got what he wanted while waiting on his true prize! He wanted to nut and that’s all that was important to him. That’s why women need to be mindful as much as possible. Some walk into a mess wide open, others can’t even see the mess cuz their nose is wide open. Not sure which case Dushawn’s target was, but doesn’t sound like she was hip to what was really going down.
kimmie
October 26th, 2012
2:50 pm
I believe in taking personal responsibility too, but that doesn’t mean I can’t be hurt or a person can’t hurt me.
Exiled – You are right, life is so not fair.
Exiled!
October 26th, 2012
2:53 pm
‘Closure!’ whatever that means, is a Universal female requirement!
A disguised ‘I want u back’ last pitch,if u ask me.
Never Closure.
@Slim
disco
October 26th, 2012
2:53 pm
yep we can all be hurt but no point in sitting around playing the victim. take your hurt, stew in it for a minute, pack it away for future reference if need be, lick your wounds and go on about your business. playing the victim isn’t cute.
DuShawn
October 26th, 2012
2:56 pm
It wasn’t a relationship; we just dated for a few months, never even got close to discussing titles or exclusivity or any of that. But there is no justification for the way I used that girl. IMO she holds none of the blame for that situation, that’s all on me. She didn’t deserve that.
kimmie
October 26th, 2012
2:57 pm
It just blows my mind that Du said himself he wasnt’ right but some here are trying to give him an out!!
I do give Du credit that he recognizes he hadn’t reached the level of maturity at 20 something at the time and that he recognizes it wasn’t cool.
Slim – I’m with you, even if I’m a FWB, show some respect.
Exiled – No it’s not a binding contract once you go there, but that’s how deep the mind/body connection can be for a woman. I recognized that in myself early on. That’s why I know I’m not built for a casual physical thing. But some are.
Willie Dynamite
October 26th, 2012
2:59 pm
Du – let me guess you learned early on that it’s more rewarding not to lie. You didn’t have to tell the whole truth just omit a few things and you got further. Most young 20 something’s hadn’t learned that either.
Forthright is a word I’m all too familiar with. Because of that I am upside down on my Karma tab as well.
SlimNu
October 26th, 2012
3:00 pm
Yall have a good weekend…I’m out!
Leggs
October 26th, 2012
3:01 pm
Thank you, kimmie. No need to put any blame on the woman. Dushawn set out to use her and sure it’s admirable he fully takes blame. Nonetheless, in that situation the only person that wouldn’t be hurt is the person who was in it solely for the sex (Dushawn) and not thinking toward a relationship like she was.
Sassy Me...Juicy Fruit ;-)
October 26th, 2012
3:04 pm
She probably didn’t even have a chance to wash his ball juice away before he gave her the dueces.
Okay…that was just plain fkd up…no two ways about it.
IMO she holds none of the blame for that situation, that’s all on me. She didn’t deserve that.
Kudos for recognizing that…
Sassy Me...Juicy Fruit ;-)
October 26th, 2012
3:07 pm
the only person that wouldn’t be hurt is the person who was in it solely for the sex (Dushawn) and not thinking toward a relationship like she was.
True…hell if he’s taking her out on these “raw” dates and spending time doing things that COUPLES do then he.ll yeah I’m sure she was feeling some kinda way about him.
Exiled!
October 26th, 2012
3:10 pm
Kimmie..yep which puts Disco’s personal responsibility statement into perspective.
Know thyself!
If u like Bluz…dick lover but soft and vulnerable don’t go there! Know ur limits.
Which puts Common’s advice to her yesterday into perspective…Use BOB before going out coz if u going pour with me on a date I’m gon be working ur mind so I can hit it.
Be prepared but no blame game here coz it ain’t rape.
I let u take it off!
Okay I’m out..coming to the A..on the plane now!
Good wkend!
DuShawn
October 26th, 2012
3:27 pm
You know, I left a funny part out of that story. After I knocked baby off that afternoon, I had no intentions of ever going back out to her spot. Hours later after I made that “it’s over” call, I couldn’t find my wallet. I’m looking all around my condo…. no haps. I’m like dayum, It must’ve fallen out of my pocket when my pants were by my ankles. I had to call her back and asked if she had seen it. She stated in a deathly calm voice “Yeah baby, I found it ,come on by and get it” . I’m thinking hell naww she sounded too sweet.
She opened the door handed me the wallet. It had been cut it up in small pieces, credit cards I D and all, then she burned it. It looked like a piece on charred rubber in a ziplock bag with water. I looked at it thinking this chick has lost it. That’s when I heard the eggs.
Leggs
October 26th, 2012
3:34 pm
Couldn’t imagine there being a funny part.
I see I wasn’t wrong. More like just desserts!
Leggs
October 26th, 2012
3:39 pm
Remember A Thin Line Between Love an Hate:
The sweetest woman in the world can be the meanest woman in the world if you make her that way.
Jake-SPJTWB
October 26th, 2012
3:42 pm
What up wit yall….Charlie Murphy tonight, Magic City Classic tomorrow…gonna be a power packed weekend.
Topic..who wants a bad girl, for more than a hot fugg.
Sassy Me...Juicy Fruit ;-)
October 26th, 2012
3:44 pm
The sweetest woman in the world can be the meanest woman in the world if you make her that way
Yep…good thing she wasn’t cooking a pot of hot grits!!
Sassy Me...Juicy Fruit ;-)
October 26th, 2012
3:52 pm
Man we’ve been pretty tame n clean for a Friday…I’m impressed..
DuShawn
October 26th, 2012
3:53 pm
I bet it would be hard for me to get a date on this blog.
Leggs
October 26th, 2012
3:54 pm
Remember Dushawn, you’re not the same imbecile you were when 20…hope all of us have changed for the better over the years.
Leggs
October 26th, 2012
3:57 pm
sorry, you weren’t an imbecile…just a young, horny guy popping off.
Sassy Me...Juicy Fruit ;-)
October 26th, 2012
4:00 pm
I bet it would be hard for me to get a date on this blog.
Are you serious or just fishing….and if you’re serious why would you think that?
DuShawn
October 26th, 2012
4:00 pm
Now Im just an old played out playa with a lot stories.
Sassy Me...Juicy Fruit ;-)
October 26th, 2012
4:01 pm
Du if you’re still moving like you were when you dogged ol girl then you just might get the side eye….but if you’ve evolved then good for you.
Leggs
October 26th, 2012
4:03 pm
Doubt you’re old. No one on this blog is old.
Sassy Me...Juicy Fruit ;-)
October 26th, 2012
4:04 pm
Have a nice weekend y’all…
Leggs
October 26th, 2012
4:05 pm
You do the same, Sassy!
DuShawn
October 26th, 2012
4:06 pm
Sassy – This forum tends to give a one dimensional perception. You’re not afforded the luxury of vocal inflections or facial expression. I rarely have anything to contribute on the current dating scene. The majority of my post often portray me in a negative light.
Jake-SPJTWB
October 26th, 2012
4:06 pm
What is this???? Confesssions Friday
DuShawn
October 26th, 2012
4:08 pm
im bout to pick up wifey.Ride up to homecoming, check in the hotel and celebrate life….again.
I’m Owt.
Sassy Me...Juicy Fruit ;-)
October 26th, 2012
4:10 pm
The majority of my post often portray me in a negative light.
No it doesn’t Du…as I’ve said if you’re still playing chicks to the left then I understand that statement..but if you’re not then good for you. I’m sure we’ve all done some dumb sht back in the day…so long as it stays back in the day and doesn’t ease into the present scheme of thangs then weee good.
Thanks Leggs…
Peace
Bluzgirl
October 26th, 2012
4:10 pm
Why people gotta try to make me work hard on a Friday?!?! I haven’t been able to keep caught up on the blog. I hate when work interferes with my social life!!!
Leggs
October 26th, 2012
4:14 pm