Why do nice girls get dumped?
I received an email from one of our readers that asked, “Why do nice girls get dumped for women that torture men?” – a loaded question for sure. “Brenda” is actually considering becoming less of a nice girl to get a little more action. Bad idea or worth a try?
My concern is that pretending to be something you are not is a recipe for disaster. You can only keep the false personality going for so long, right? Why does it seem that nice girls (like nice guys!) get looked over or put on the back burner?
Would you ever project a more “edgy” image in order to get the attention of someone who was into the bad girl/bad boy type?
Guys, when will a man tend to steer clear of the wild girls and be more open to the nice girls? Are women expected to wait till you get that out of your system?
By Wise Diva, Misadventures in Atlanta Dating Blog
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168 comments Add your comment
SlimNu
October 26th, 2012
1:49 pm
I’m still here begrudgingly lol..just one more hour
Single and Happy
October 26th, 2012
1:51 pm
still lurking, slim when did you live in Skeegee?
SlimNu
October 26th, 2012
1:53 pm
SH – I was there a looooooooooooooooooooong time ago but I mainly grew up here. I think I got here when I was maybe 6 or 7 but my grandmother and a few cousins were still down there. Now granny is in Midway and my folks are in Montgomery. I have a few cousins and an aunt in Opelika/Auburn area.
Single and Happy
October 26th, 2012
1:54 pm
Okay slim, I used to hang out down there alot, I’m from Opelika, and that place used to be jumping.
Robert
October 26th, 2012
1:57 pm
“Why does it seem that nice girls (like nice guys!) get looked over or put on the back burner?”
I can only speak for myself. As a “nice guy” I get looked over by women I am attracted to because they see a attractive, single “nice guy” and assume something must be wrong with him. For example in ATL women will assume you are a player, gay or on dow-low, etc.. Women will ask why is he not in a committed relationship or married? I asked a female friend what is wrong with me? Why do I attract the wrong kind of women? She asked me why am I attracted to emotionally damaged women due to past relationships, jealous women,un-trusting women and brain dead women due to over use of technology, etc.. She told me that I was a “nice guy” and women will judge you because they are insecure and would rather take a chance on someone less challenging. She told me women “fear” trusting you inspite of your good intentions.
The lesson here guys is to make sure you do not leave an impression that you are un-trustworthy. Make sure you treat your women with respect (no cheating, stealing, etc.). Once she feels she can not trust you she will put you on the back burner. Women may still find value in the “nice guy” such as dinner dates and great sex but she will not accept you for who you are. A “nice guy” looking for a “nice women”.
DuShawn
October 26th, 2012
2:00 pm
Willie D- You pretty much called it right. This is what happened, I had girlfriend that was kinda in love with (we ended up being in a five year relationship, living together, and engaged), but at the time we had broken up for something. I knew we would get back together, but it had been a few months and I needed some interim puddy. So I began to date the egg girl at the same time I was trying to get my girl back. I would take her on some raw dates, we would have fun together and once she let me hit I began to beat it like almost every day. The Metrorail ran under our building and she had an apartment right by the UM station. We would hop on the train during lunch, get a quickie in at her spot, and catch the train back to work like nothing happened. She was falling, but I knew as soon as my girl comes back, it’s a wrap. And that’s exactly what happened. My girl began to come around so I had to let her go. The dirty part was that she never saw it coming. And of course, me being the scumbag that I was, had to hit it one more time for the road. I slept with the girl about two o’clock that afternoon, then called her around six and told we can’t do this anymore, I’m with somebody, it’s been real. She was crushed.
SlimNu
October 26th, 2012
2:03 pm
SH – You must mean “Country Jumpin” lol
SexyCool
October 26th, 2012
2:05 pm
Dayum, Du…ruthless…
Single and Happy
October 26th, 2012
2:05 pm
Slim Yep, country jumping, just like they do in the ATL (LOL)
kimmie
October 26th, 2012
2:06 pm
Back from lunch
Thanks crew! Life just isn’t always fair. Though I do think things have a way of balancing out. The cream always finds a way to rise to the top.
SCool – What’s shakin?
Sassy Me...Juicy Fruit ;-)
October 26th, 2012
2:07 pm
but did everyone go Ghost!!!
I want to…trying to stick around ’til at least 4…
disco
October 26th, 2012
2:09 pm
leggs – you got a barrett stuck in your head? that’s comical.
dushawn – while it’s dirty it’s not the worst that could have happened. unless you made promises while trying to get the interim P you really weren’t in the wrong. not your fault she let herself get caught up. hopefully she took a lesson away from it as well.
Leggs
October 26th, 2012
2:09 pm
Worse than I thought Dushawn! Just nasty.
disco
October 26th, 2012
2:10 pm
kimmie – lol. I’m not knocking your cream theory but a good log of poo will float to the top as well.
SlimNu
October 26th, 2012
2:11 pm
DuS – Damn, not that is some heartless ish right there…Just HAD to go back to hit her and 4hrs later tell her it’s a wrap. WOW! Has that karma train come back your way yet? lol
Leggs
October 26th, 2012
2:12 pm
disco ~ yep, that’s how hard I fell. No, not comical….you have the wrong word. The right word should be PAINFUL. You know back then we wore those metal barrettes.
SlimNu
October 26th, 2012
2:15 pm
now, not ‘not’…oops
disco
October 26th, 2012
2:16 pm
leggs – I’ll rephrase. not comical – to you, then but definitely comical to me, now reading about it. a barrette stuck in the head just sounds funny.
as for dushawn, I hate to get off team girl but I don’t think it’s really that bad. even if he was straight lying to the girl talking about he never loved anyone like he loved her she’s the one that fell for it hook line and sinker. at the end of the day you can’t be too mad at folks for playing, you have to be mad at yourself for getting played. or, in her case, she could be mad at her girls for punking out and not putting the smack down on dushawn.
kimmie
October 26th, 2012
2:16 pm
disco – Maybe I’m a little ditsy, but what was the lesson she should have learned? How will one ever find love if they don’t allow themselves to get “caught up”? I mean he did say he took her on some dates. He’s saying himself he knows he didn’t treat her right.
Sassy Me...Juicy Fruit ;-)
October 26th, 2012
2:17 pm
I slept with the girl about two o’clock that afternoon, then called her around six and told we can’t do this anymore, I’m with somebody, it’s been real.
Damn Du…that’s fkd up. I’m surprised her girls didn’t whoop your azz cause some bullsht like that.
Willie Dynamite
October 26th, 2012
2:18 pm
Du- like Disco said unless you made some promises or just outright lied unfortunately that is a part of the game. Although you cod get off on a technicality I’m sure now in your Huxtable state of mind you see how that could come off as ruthless. Just another point on the Karma scoreboard for you to over ome.
disco
October 26th, 2012
2:20 pm
kimmie – re dushawn I’m reading that he was really mentally pre-occupied with the woman he was trying to win back. he was putting time in with the other one to get some. sure he took her on some dates. you gotta put in to get out. I don’t know how much time he had in with this girl but it doesn’t seem like it was serious long term. then the fact that they worked in the same place to boot just added fuel to the fire. maybe this girl asked the right questions or maybe she didn’t. maybe she knew about the girlfriend and thought she could take him. I don’t know but I don’t really see dushawn’s offense as all that bad. as for her lesson, she’s got to pay attention. hone her instincts. snoop a little bit. I don’t know. can’t take everyone and everything at face value. it’s hard to say without knowing how forthcoming dushawn really was.
DuShawn
October 26th, 2012
2:23 pm
I hadn’t thought about her in years. When we met, she was working and in Grad school, I saw her several years after that incident and she was bartending at this strip club called the Mint. She wasn’t dancing (yet) , and she was looking good.You know I had to at least try…. if looks could kill,I would have been one stabbed up mufukka.
Leggs
October 26th, 2012
2:28 pm
“you can’t be too mad at folks for playing, you have to be mad at yourself for getting played” – It’s to get mad at yourself if you thought you were in a relationship. I understand what you’re saying only if she walked into a situation to get played. For all she knew, she probably thought she was straight up exclusively dating him. No one knows what another is thinking or planning. All the while he’s pining to get back with his ex, he’s spoon feeding her “helping” her to believe they were working on something together.
To take your logic, disco, then there’s no need for anybody to date because we are all going to get played if there’s a breakup. No, I definitely agree with your last sentence, she may have gotten played by her tribe for not putting a whupping on him.
kimmie
October 26th, 2012
2:29 pm
disco – I take it if Du is saying himself he was a cold mutha, he must have been. Only he knows if he was leading her on. I’m basically just agreeing with what Du said about himself.
Plus, the only reason folks might read it as her getting played is because it didn’t work out for her. He could have not had the ex on his mind, done and said exactly the same things to her minus the dump day, and they went on to have a long-term relationship. It’s no hard and fast rules.
Leggs
October 26th, 2012
2:33 pm
disco ~ you don’t see Dushawn’s offenses as “real bad” because you’re hard always talking like nothing touches your heart. Girl, if this happened to you the same way it happened to her, I doubt you’ll be standing in front of the mirror telling yourself “well, disco, you saw that coming and didn’t step out of the way. Blame yourself.”
Sounds like he led her own because no woman willingly will be that hurt if they knew he had other intentions. To boink me that afternoon then call later saying we are thru is cruel and heartless. When a man makes you feel like you are dirt beneath their shoe, I bet you’ll sing a different tune.
disco
October 26th, 2012
2:33 pm
leggs – not necessarily. most “breakups” don’t come out of the blue just hours after you get boned. lol.
kimmie – I just didn’t read it as if they were in a “relationship”. I read it as in they were hooking up. hence why I immediately went into “you get what you get” mode.
Leggs
October 26th, 2012
2:34 pm
“You know I had to at least try…. if looks could kill,I would have been one stabbed up mufukka.”
See, just heartless, insensitive and greedy mo fo!
Leggs
October 26th, 2012
2:35 pm
disco ~ I disagree. It’s a smoke screen. Many breakups occur after getting boned.
Leggs
October 26th, 2012
2:37 pm
Ok, now we’re talking….lol
DuShawn
October 26th, 2012
2:37 pm
karma train come back your way yet? …….its coming. I have been blessed with beautiful daughters. I have never been a liar in my dealings with women. I may not have been totally forthright and I was probably guilty of deceit by omission, but never just blatantly lying. I never had to. The honorable path would’ve been to let her know I’m just coming out of a relationship and it’s really unresolved. Before you get too invested emotionally in what we’re doing, you need to mindful of that from the onset. Few men in their early twenties have reached that level of maturity. I just wanted to nut.
disco
October 26th, 2012
2:40 pm
lol. I’m sticking to my guns. women play themselves all the time. again I don’t know this woman are the particulars but it is what it is. as for me and getting hurt, I went in the game fast and hard. I learned serious lessons the hard way and early. one thing that sunk in deep is don’t blame other people for things that happen to me. if a guy hits it and quits it that’s what I get for letting him hit it. it’s not about being hard really. it’s just about accepting responsibility for your own actions, your own feelings, yourself. has a guy ever wet his piece and got missing with me? yep. did I weep over it? nope. it just never been that real.
leggs – yes many breakups do but a lot of breakups are the opposite. folks pull back from each other more gradually. besides, in this scenario, I’m not even calling it a relationship. dushawn – was it a relationship or were y’all just kicking it?
Exiled!
October 26th, 2012
2:43 pm
No matter how you spin it a guy can never win this ‘hit puddy and quit’ argument unless he gets the chic str8 outta the bootey website..ummm like Single does.
Coz once u hit a chic good and consistenly and she likes u and u like her(and say as much) she can will Always feel ‘done dirty!’ when u decide to leave.
Soo…. Life ain’t fair!
Dushawn was fair to ex but not puddy girl.
That’s life!
With the female_male numbers skewed as they are some nice females are never going to Win.
SlimNu
October 26th, 2012
2:46 pm
Yeah, no matter what I’d be hurt by him laying his pipe to only disconnect it hours later. Even in a FWB situation, I expect respect. She probably didn’t even have a chance to wash his ball juice away before he gave her the dueces.
Exiled!
October 26th, 2012
2:50 pm
2:40 again on ur team Disco!
I don’t agree with this notion by some females that, when u hit it,it’s like u signed some binding contract!
Accept responsibity that u wanted to get laid as well.
Leggs
October 26th, 2012
2:50 pm
Dushawn was fair to ex but not puddy girl. – Exactly!
He got what he wanted while waiting on his true prize! He wanted to nut and that’s all that was important to him. That’s why women need to be mindful as much as possible. Some walk into a mess wide open, others can’t even see the mess cuz their nose is wide open. Not sure which case Dushawn’s target was, but doesn’t sound like she was hip to what was really going down.
kimmie
October 26th, 2012
2:50 pm
I believe in taking personal responsibility too, but that doesn’t mean I can’t be hurt or a person can’t hurt me.
Exiled – You are right, life is so not fair.
Exiled!
October 26th, 2012
2:53 pm
‘Closure!’ whatever that means, is a Universal female requirement!
A disguised ‘I want u back’ last pitch,if u ask me.
Never Closure.
@Slim
disco
October 26th, 2012
2:53 pm
yep we can all be hurt but no point in sitting around playing the victim. take your hurt, stew in it for a minute, pack it away for future reference if need be, lick your wounds and go on about your business. playing the victim isn’t cute.
DuShawn
October 26th, 2012
2:56 pm
It wasn’t a relationship; we just dated for a few months, never even got close to discussing titles or exclusivity or any of that. But there is no justification for the way I used that girl. IMO she holds none of the blame for that situation, that’s all on me. She didn’t deserve that.
kimmie
October 26th, 2012
2:57 pm
It just blows my mind that Du said himself he wasnt’ right but some here are trying to give him an out!!
I do give Du credit that he recognizes he hadn’t reached the level of maturity at 20 something at the time and that he recognizes it wasn’t cool.
Slim – I’m with you, even if I’m a FWB, show some respect.
Exiled – No it’s not a binding contract once you go there, but that’s how deep the mind/body connection can be for a woman. I recognized that in myself early on. That’s why I know I’m not built for a casual physical thing. But some are.
Willie Dynamite
October 26th, 2012
2:59 pm
Du – let me guess you learned early on that it’s more rewarding not to lie. You didn’t have to tell the whole truth just omit a few things and you got further. Most young 20 something’s hadn’t learned that either.
Forthright is a word I’m all too familiar with. Because of that I am upside down on my Karma tab as well.
SlimNu
October 26th, 2012
3:00 pm
Yall have a good weekend…I’m out!
Leggs
October 26th, 2012
3:01 pm
Thank you, kimmie. No need to put any blame on the woman. Dushawn set out to use her and sure it’s admirable he fully takes blame. Nonetheless, in that situation the only person that wouldn’t be hurt is the person who was in it solely for the sex (Dushawn) and not thinking toward a relationship like she was.
Sassy Me...Juicy Fruit ;-)
October 26th, 2012
3:04 pm
She probably didn’t even have a chance to wash his ball juice away before he gave her the dueces.
Okay…that was just plain fkd up…no two ways about it.
IMO she holds none of the blame for that situation, that’s all on me. She didn’t deserve that.
Kudos for recognizing that…
Sassy Me...Juicy Fruit ;-)
October 26th, 2012
3:07 pm
the only person that wouldn’t be hurt is the person who was in it solely for the sex (Dushawn) and not thinking toward a relationship like she was.
True…hell if he’s taking her out on these “raw” dates and spending time doing things that COUPLES do then he.ll yeah I’m sure she was feeling some kinda way about him.
Exiled!
October 26th, 2012
3:10 pm
Kimmie..yep which puts Disco’s personal responsibility statement into perspective.
Know thyself!
If u like Bluz…dick lover but soft and vulnerable don’t go there! Know ur limits.
Which puts Common’s advice to her yesterday into perspective…Use BOB before going out coz if u going pour with me on a date I’m gon be working ur mind so I can hit it.
Be prepared but no blame game here coz it ain’t rape.
I let u take it off!
Okay I’m out..coming to the A..on the plane now!
Good wkend!
DuShawn
October 26th, 2012
3:27 pm
You know, I left a funny part out of that story. After I knocked baby off that afternoon, I had no intentions of ever going back out to her spot. Hours later after I made that “it’s over” call, I couldn’t find my wallet. I’m looking all around my condo…. no haps. I’m like dayum, It must’ve fallen out of my pocket when my pants were by my ankles. I had to call her back and asked if she had seen it. She stated in a deathly calm voice “Yeah baby, I found it ,come on by and get it” . I’m thinking hell naww she sounded too sweet.
She opened the door handed me the wallet. It had been cut it up in small pieces, credit cards I D and all, then she burned it. It looked like a piece on charred rubber in a ziplock bag with water. I looked at it thinking this chick has lost it. That’s when I heard the eggs.
Leggs
October 26th, 2012
3:34 pm
Couldn’t imagine there being a funny part.
I see I wasn’t wrong. More like just desserts!
Leggs
October 26th, 2012
3:39 pm
Remember A Thin Line Between Love an Hate:
The sweetest woman in the world can be the meanest woman in the world if you make her that way.