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Why do nice girls get dumped?

I received an email from one of our readers that asked, “Why do nice girls get dumped for women that torture men?” – a loaded question for sure. “Brenda” is actually considering becoming less of a nice girl to get a little more action. Bad idea or worth a try?

My concern is that pretending to be something you are not is a recipe for disaster. You can only keep the false personality going for so long, right? Why does it seem that nice girls (like nice guys!) get looked over or put on the back burner?

Would you ever project a more “edgy” image in order to get the attention of someone who was into the bad girl/bad boy type?

Guys, when will a man tend to steer clear of the wild girls and be more open to the nice girls? Are women expected to wait till you get that out of your system?

By Wise Diva, Misadventures in Atlanta Dating Blog

168 comments Add your comment

Single and Happy

October 26th, 2012
7:03 am

Okay so what’s a nice girl? If she’s always getting dumped, as she put it. She probably needs to look in the mirror and at the type of guys she keeps being attracted too.

lee

October 26th, 2012
7:04 am

She needs to be herself. And thank her lucky stars he went away.
I was told once ” you truly are a nice person” he didn’t want a relationship with me. Some men i think crave DRAMA like it is a challenge of some kind. He dates all kinds of chicks and his story’s are funny but still he has no one, and is miserable and unhappy. Guess he hasn’t figured it out yet, he keeps going after the same chick that ends with the same results.

Celisea.....happy life!!

October 26th, 2012
7:42 am

Gooooood morning!!!

First off, let me just say, NEVER EVER change who you are for anyone…let alone behind the effort to turn a man’s head. I get it though. I’m not like many women. I’m not racing, competing (knowingly), dumbing down, conforming, hooching, slumming….NONE OF THAT in an effort to get a man or doing what I see some women doing because it seemingly yeild better results. Yeah that all depends on what we call “results.” Then you have to ask, for how long?

Times have change…that should be one thing you should be crystal clear on. We are no longer in the time where men pursue…for the most part. Why? Because they don’t have to. Nowadays, men don’t have to commit for the prize, where the value of sex and a woman’s body is zilch, where a snickers bar will get a dude laid. So, if you’re sitting home twiddling your thumbs and waiting for the man of yesteryear to happen upon you, you’re going to be waiting a looooooooooooong time.

What I will say or suggest is getting in where you fit in. That does not mean depleting values, dumbing down, being “easy”, running them down, giving it up (too easily or too early), at the mere sign of him breathing your way. I would say put yourself out there, live by standards and hold to them. Yes, have an edge (DON’T CHANGE WHO YOU ARE) but be a lady…a woman. What don’t work for you, keep with that. If you can’t find a medium or compromise, be willing to let it go. Don’t feel threatened by the next chick. More than anything, always always be willing to walk if you’re not getting out of it, ONE HUNDRED!! Always always know, if he’s a jerk, runs around with a gang of women, disrespectful, can get ‘em easily, etc., that that’s something the next woman can deal with and likely won’t change. Many dudes bank on there being a plethora of choices, an abundant supply of booty….even so and still do you. Don’t EVER succumb to feeling threatened. Cool if she “does it all” and no qualms of getting “all” done as soon as they speak. Her issue not yours.

Men like women that are a challenge….not difficult. Men like women with standards. Men like women that are head and shoulders. Yeah yeah yeah, they’ll go with cute and easy for a hot second, but if there’s nothing underneath the cover, they ain’t hanging around long. Oooor, they’ll only be in for “drive-bys.”

What I do believe is that no matter the time and how women that lack are messing up the game, a man’s nature is a part of his DNA. It’s in here to be the head, the provider, the giver, the pursuer. He’s gotta see a prize though in order to chase. Present yourself as that prize and you’ll see better results. Bump all that other foolishness folks do cause they believe that’s what will do it. Do you.

Excited and ready for the weekend….yeaaah baby!

Celisea.....happy life!!

October 26th, 2012
7:47 am

It’s in him….not it’s in here….my baaaaad

Exiled!

October 26th, 2012
8:24 am

The women that are ‘not nice’(to use ur verbiage) have ‘mystery’ puddy! And if it ain’t outa your system yet you feel the challenge to tap that ‘mystery,high horse puddy’. To ‘crack it’,if u will.

And by ‘nice chics’ u mean those on the str8 and narrow. Most times,those nice chics are looking for marriage. Not a bad thing.

But if a guy is looking to tap tap tap,you kinda feel guilty tap tap tapping on a ‘nice’ chic,just because. And if u do,u know she gon be putting u under pressure when u not ready,like they always do…

’so are we exclusive now since u hitting it like that?’ :lol:
This is the ‘problem’ with ‘nice’ girls!

Morning MIA!

SlimNu

October 26th, 2012
8:55 am

Morning gang bangers ;-)

disco

October 26th, 2012
8:55 am

good morning. my first thought re brenda’s predicament is that even if you can put up a long-term front it’s likely a lot easier for a bad girl to pretend to be good than a good girl to pretend to be bad. her efforts will likely come off as comical. just my take though.

disco

October 26th, 2012
9:02 am

re pretending to be good / bad. just last night I was visiting a friend with a five year old. he was cutting up, got spanked and sent to his room. he’s standing in the door of his room asking if he can come back out. she said not until he was ready to be good. he instantly replied that he was ready to be good. his mom told him that he still had bad written all over his face. meanwhile I’m sitting there cracking up and glad I’m finished with kids. still, old girl Brenda can try to play bad but if she’s not bad, she’s not bad. ain’t no future in her frontin’.

Enigma

October 26th, 2012
9:14 am

simple answer: Nice girls get dumped because GOD has someone better for them.

SlimNu

October 26th, 2012
9:14 am

I can see the frustration one can have in this crazy ass world of dating. You would think that being a good nice person, that surely it would be easy to find a guy/girl that can appreciate that. Folks hum and ho about not finding a good guy/girl but when they get one, ohhh they are toooooo effing nice. But you take a look and see all the b!tches seems to have a partner. So the mind says, well hey, maybe if I act like I don’t care, act like an ass, act uncompromisingly then maybe, just maybe i’ll find my partner. So I can empathize with the blogger…

Exiled!

October 26th, 2012
9:29 am

Can u blow my whistle
Whistle baby whistle baby

Here I come!

Leggs

October 26th, 2012
9:30 am

“…actually considering becoming less of a nice girl to get a little more action. Bad idea or worth a try? – Bad idea! I remember asking this guy way back when why he paid so much attention to the bad girls and so little attention to me. Those ladies would key his car, egg his house, stalk him by being on his doorstep when he came home making all types of scenes. He wound up marrying one of them and is now divorced. He said I was sweet and mean, but not mean enough. :shock: Now, decades later, this is the same dude calling me up asking me out for a date with no damn place to go!

Stay good, Brenda. No need to be something you’re not. Thoses bad to the bone are born that way, no need to “fake the funk” simply for attention. Plus, if you can’t keep up the charade why even start??

Morning.

SlimNu

October 26th, 2012
9:36 am

Now, decades later, this is the same dude calling me up asking me out for a date with no damn place to go!

lol

Perfect song for today is a throwback…Salt n Peppa

Express yourself, you gotta be you and only you, babe
Express yourself, and let me be me
Express yourself, don’t tell me what I cannot do, baby
Come on and work your body

Now Joe wanna be like Bob
Bob got it goin’ on with no job
And everything Rob got he got from Robin
And everything she got she got ho-hoppin’
My girl Jilly wanna be like Jackie
Fat rope chains and I think that’s wick-wacky
Tom and Dick wanna be like Harry
Little do they know he’s bitin’ on Barry
Stan was a scam, but Vinnie’s legit
Mercedes coupe hometroop with no kit
A businessman with a beeper for a reason
Not like Tim because it’s in this season

Leggs

October 26th, 2012
9:36 am

*** PSA ***

My offered me his Ga Tech tix for tomorrow’s game against BYU (whoever that is) at 3:00. I can’t go, but if any of you are interested I can run to his house and pick them up. Let me know.

disco

October 26th, 2012
9:45 am

leggs – I didn’t realize no plan dude had history like that. personally it almost makes him kind of pitiful. he’s too gunshy to start fresh. (by no means is this a dig at you). I’m all for trying to reunite with an old flame but sometimes it just tells your truth. case in point. my father moved away from PA 30+ years ago. a couple of years ago he moved back. some chick that he hit 30+ years ago came out the woodworks and latched on to him. this wouldn’t be so bad except that my father is nobody’s prize. lol. old girl sweating him like that just screams she ain’t got nothing going on in her life and she’s still holding on to whatever she created in her mind all those years ago.

MsML5

October 26th, 2012
9:49 am

Interesting topic…I’ve thought before “do I have to be a b**** to catch someone”. But I quickly decided to remain who I am because that act could only last so long.

MsAtl

October 26th, 2012
9:50 am

Morning all! Been missing for several days in depositions. Common- there is an end in sight to the discovery period; only 5 more depos to go today & monday.
Celisea:
I’m not racing, competing (knowingly), dumbing down, conforming, hooching, slumming….NONE OF THAT!
I agree one hundred percent with this statement. You can only fake for so long, then the real you will come out. I am not into games. I want to deal with the real person and thus, I will show my true self. You can either appreciate me for me or kick rocks. And I definitely will not be a “bad girl” in order to get a date. What is that really about???

Leggs

October 26th, 2012
9:50 am

I hear you, disco. Didn’t take it as a dig. I know too much about this dude. He was a man whore back in the day. Sure I dated him for a spell, but I walked away when I realized how much puddy he was getting. We remained friends, but again, I know too much.

disco

October 26th, 2012
10:04 am

oooo kay. guess this is going to be a very long Friday.

Sassy Me...Juicy Fruit ;-)

October 26th, 2012
10:13 am

Would you ever project a more “edgy” image in order to get the attention of someone who was into the bad girl/bad boy type?

No I wouldn’t…I mean it’s not really a stretch for me to do that anyway b/c to/for some that’s how I come across. I’ve actually done the opposite in one or two of my past relationships. Initially, the guys would be attracted to that fiery element in my personality only to complain about it once we were together…so I tempered it/toned it down and then the problems started. Things got boring and I got bored as well and the relationships ended soon after.

I know I’m not for everybody nor would I pretend to be. I don’t see myself as a “bad girl” per se`…I just keeps it one hunned, is all. And there is a difference.

Plus now that I’m dating my kryptonite(Mr. Bermuda) it doesn’t even matter…he takes whatever I dish out and keeps rolling like it never happened…but he puts his foot down when he feels the need. I love that :mrgreen:

Single and Happy

October 26th, 2012
10:14 am

Hello all, so this is a good girl that like guys that like bad girls? Like there are no guys out there that like good girls? Solution change in to a bad girl to the the guy’s that like bad girls. yea that will work out.

Leggs, has your friend ever been the type of person to make his own decisions?

Disco, you know that made you long for the days of having a little one (LOL)

DuShawn

October 26th, 2012
10:14 am

Sometimes guys let nice girls go to save them from inevitable heartbreak and misuse. In the past, I have dated some real nice girls that quite frankly deserved a better man than I was at the time.

Sassy Me...Juicy Fruit ;-)

October 26th, 2012
10:15 am

No it ain’t disco…it’s early that’s all. Plus we haven’t had a topic change yet cause you know we either gone go to Dr. Phil’s couch or have a Fifty Shades kinda convo before the day’s over…

disco

October 26th, 2012
10:22 am

S/H – re longing for wanting a little one. truth be told I was sitting there thinking she took way too long to get to the point of spanking him and sending him to his room. the boy was out of control and disruptive for a good 30 minutes before she got hold of him. if I missed anything it was snatching a kid up. lol.

Single and Happy

October 26th, 2012
10:30 am

disco, when I went to vote yesterday there was this little girl acting up, and her mother would make her sit down, she would cry, but in 2 minutes she was back at it. I’m thinking they would have had to call DCS on me (LOL)

Single and Happy

October 26th, 2012
10:35 am

I guess most of the women I’ve dated were good girls then, because I’ve never had my car keyed been stalked, (maybe a little once) no baby mama drama when it came to relationships. And I’m by no means a good guy in my opinion, but I’m far from being a bad guy also. Now we still had issues and went our separate ways. Hmmm maybe I need to find a bad girl (LOL)

disco

October 26th, 2012
10:42 am

S/H – now I can spend some time talking about bad A kids. that there’s a topic I know. a friend told me he went to pick his daughter up from school and another mother/daughter were there having some issues. the mother commenced the countdown thing. the little girl folded her arms, looked at her momma and said “you can count to 100 if you want to”. now I wasn’t there but when I heard the story I bust out laughing. that child would have been asking strangers to help her find her teeth.

Leggs

October 26th, 2012
10:48 am

Single ~ he definitely makes his own decisions. He’s not wussy at all, just been blinded by puddy most of his life.

Single and Happy

October 26th, 2012
10:49 am

Leggs, how does that go together, makes his own decisions but can’t plan a date?

Bluzgirl

October 26th, 2012
10:49 am

Not all nice girls get dumped. We stick around and be used and taken advantage of! LOL!

Seriously…why would you want to change who you are to try to get a man? I know that I need to adjust some of my things (like being too generous too fast), but I will not change who I am. I like being nice and generous…I just have to reel it in some so that the users don’t find me too easily!

Leggs

October 26th, 2012
10:52 am

I’ve never been a bad girl. Never keyed, stalked, egged, jumped on the hood of cars, blowing your phone up, crying when I saw you begging you to keep me, etc…..HELL NO!

Willie Dynamite

October 26th, 2012
10:56 am

Morning all,
Ahh the story of my life. I have always been attracted to the bish type. I ended up marrying a good girl. Not that I’m noble or anything but like Dushawn I too have let a few pass because they were quite frankly too good a girl for me. Honestly the wifey and I knew each other yrs before we dated. I was a knucklehead and knew I could only give her a good time and heartache.

DuShawn

October 26th, 2012
10:57 am

On the subject of getting your car keyed, I remember I did this one girl so dirty. She was heartbroken. She went back and told some of her girlfriends what happened. They baited me up to come back around her house. I go upstairs to ring her doorbell, her friends come out of nowhere and starts throwing eggs at my car. I go back downstairs, they surround me and put their set up ready to fight! These women were about to whuupp my azz for the way I treated their girl. And we weren’t kids… we were like in our mid twenties when this happened. A couple of these girls were in med school and the others were corporate professional chicks. The trip part, I had to see her in the office the next day. We worked in the same building.

Sassy Me...Juicy Fruit ;-)

October 26th, 2012
11:01 am

they surround me and put their set up ready to fight! These women were about to whuupp my azz for the way I treated their girl.

REGULATORS!!!….mount up :mrgreen:

They were about to go in on yo azz…you must’ve done her real dirty.

disco

October 26th, 2012
11:01 am

okay. let’s just define “bad girl”. granted I know I probably would never make anyone’s good/nice girl list (other than little old church ladies) but I’m trying to determine if I’m solidly on the bad girl list. is there a middle ground? lol. while I’ve never keyed a car or egged a car or slashed a tire I’ve done a few property damage moves in my day. while I don’t think I ever blew up a phone I remember one specific incident where I recruited friends to blow up a guy’s pager. yeah. it was that long ago. lol. once I got into it with a guy – the scene, projects under the tree where the dealers and nobodies shot craps – he was giving me grief. just so happened a police car drove by. I flagged it down and told the officers dude had warrants. he was promptly arrested and I even went in the house (yeah, I lived in said projects) and got my camera and took pics. was that bad?

dushawn – now that sounds funny. how do you explain to your boys that a bunch of females got the right side of your face puffy like that? lol.

Sassy Me...Juicy Fruit ;-)

October 26th, 2012
11:03 am

how do you explain to your boys that a bunch of females got the right side of your face puffy like that?

Okay?! :lol:

Leggs

October 26th, 2012
11:06 am

disco ~ I feel you on your 10:42. I can honestly say my child wouldn’t even think about doing that. Not only that, she wouldn’t have had the time to fold both arms because I would have snatched her up w/the quickness.

Leggs

October 26th, 2012
11:07 am

Single ~ You would have to ask him that.

Leggs

October 26th, 2012
11:11 am

Dushawn ~ I wished they would have whupped your a$$ (lol).

disco

October 26th, 2012
11:14 am

dang leggs. lol. not that you said you wished he would have got the beat down. lol. truth be told, he might have got it and is too shamed to tell the tale.

dushawn – how did you finagle your way out of that situation? the chicks were angry, blasting your ride, had you surrounded. just how did you escape? you left that part out.

Leggs

October 26th, 2012
11:18 am

Yeah, let’s hear about the great escape. Even though you did her dirty, did she relent after seeing her mob of friends and ask them not to beat you to the white meat???

SlimNu

October 26th, 2012
11:20 am

I’m already hungry?

disco

October 26th, 2012
11:27 am

bluz – I thought of you briefly last night. the friend that I went to visit (with the 5 year old) was telling me about her therapy sessions. I knew she went to therapy. I just forgot when detailing my list of friends who were attending therapy. I remember thinking therapy might just be the next big thing. forget let’s go shopping, let’s go have a drink. let’s all get together and go to “group”. lol.

MsAtl

October 26th, 2012
11:28 am

Sorry, DuShawn, but it would have been funny to see you get lumped up a bit, lol.
O/T- as far as bad A kids go, I have seen some doozies out in public. My kids know the rule- where you act up is wher you get jacked up. There is no wait until we get home.

DuShawn

October 26th, 2012
11:28 am

I’m laughing as I type this, my heart started beating fast for a second, I went to fight or flight mode momentarily, I put my set up too, I wasn’t just gone get swung on. And back then I always carried fiya. I had a pistol in my waistband. I caught myself and started laughing like man WTF are you doing. I hopped in the whip and went to carwash, before I got locked up and lost my job messing with them crazy chicks.

disco

October 26th, 2012
11:32 am

dushawn – you know you my man 20 grand and all but the story still sounds suspect. I know if it was me and a gang of my peeps it wouldn’t have gone down like that. you would have hecka time trying to get in the car. ijs. is that really what happened? if you don’t want to tell us then just say so.

Leggs

October 26th, 2012
11:33 am

They should have surrounded your ride preventing you from leaving. Guess it would have been an ugly ight for sure. Why the car wash?

Leggs

October 26th, 2012
11:36 am

Exactly, disco. No one threw a rock, a bottle, whipped out a switchblade. Oh, forgot, never bring a knife to a gunfight. If my sister was in that group she would have thrown her knife at you before you could pull the gun out your waistband! Believe…

DuShawn

October 26th, 2012
11:40 am

Yall tripping those girls didnt actually want fight a grown man. Who does that. They were just showing out. All of us were looking silly making a scene

DuShawn

October 26th, 2012
11:41 am

Leggs- carwash to sray the eggs off my car