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Relationships: Sharing is caring!

My friend Seth has a photography business. Every time he meets someone new, he invites them to accompany him on one of his gigs. He feels that whomever he is with has to enjoy photography as much as he does. He even wants his woman to help him build his business and take it to the next level.

I am always bothered by this being an absolute deal breaker. I tell him all the time that his Ms. Right may not have any interest at all in photography. Does that really mean you can’t be happy with her? I do agree that it is important to share common interests. I also believe that when you care about someone, you should be willing to share their passion. At the very least, you should support it. The question is – would you be willing to reciprocate?

My friend Seth never considered that the woman he meets may have her own business, dreams, or aspirations that he could support. I don’t know if all men are like this, but I seem to meet a lot of men that think that way. They have expectations of women but don’t seem to be prepared to offer the same thing back.

Is it important to you that you have a partner who shares the same interests or hobbies? Would it bother you if the person you were dating did not seem to be into the things you liked to do?

By Wise Diva, Misadventures in Atlanta Dating Blog

299 comments Add your comment

Single and Happy

October 25th, 2012
6:19 am

It sounds like you friend lives in the world of me!!

“At the very least, you should support it. The question is – would you be willing to reciprocate?” Yes you should support it, and keep an open mind. Be willing to do it sometimes. I’m not a movie person, but when I date someone that is, I’ll go. Not going every weekend, but once every 2 months isn’t going to kill me.

“I don’t know if all men are like this, but I seem to meet a lot of men that think that way. They have expectations of women but don’t seem to be prepared to offer the same thing back.”
No all men don’t think like that, I like when my woman has other interest, it allow us to grow. You have to have an open mind to trying new things.

“Is it important to you that you have a partner who shares the same interests or hobbies? Would it bother you if the person you were dating did not seem to be into the things you liked to do?” My hobbies are photography, and scuba diving, finding an Black woman that shares those interest is highly unlikely, and I’m okay with that. The problem comes up when since these aren’t their interest I need to change to conform to them. I don’t have a problem compromising, but I’m not conforming. Also the problem with most is they don’t have hobbies, or don’t know what hobbies really are.

Exiled!

October 25th, 2012
7:37 am

You friend Seth is right!
The woman that wants to be with him must enjoy,not just his money but what he does to get it!

Sounds like a guy with a good clear head to me. Otherwise the reverse is to have leeches hovering over and around him.

In fact,your friend’s model is a model for success. Similar interests and support from the woman in what he does for a living.

Hey MIA!

Exiled!

October 25th, 2012
7:41 am

Single?

How about dating any woman that loves scuba etc,not just black?

What’s wrong with the other meat?
Cross over my friend. :lol:

Single and Happy

October 25th, 2012
7:57 am

Ex, I’m good, my woman doesn’t have to have the same hobbies I have and since I leave work at work, there’s defiantly no need to have an interest there beyond what I do, and where I work.

Celisea.....happy life!!

October 25th, 2012
8:05 am

I can’t say I’m down with “helping you build your business”, but I’m always happy to go along and share in what you do. The last dude (before current boo), would always take me with him when doing business or discussed in front of me. I wouldn’t say that started day one but after about a year into the relationship, he was very open around me. I should be specific and say his personal “side” gig/business. He had a degree in engineering and worked “heavily” in finance. For his main gig, no I wasn’t really privy cause I didn’t trek along with him to work. But for his side gig, his passion, I was there. He owned close to 20 houses and some other stuff with one of is boys. He had no issue, discussing every aspect of his business in front of me or taking me with him when transacting business. Sometimes it was open and sometimes while riding together, he’s signal me to “sush” while he talked heavy business. And no, that was not an insulting type of “sush”, but a hold tight while I handle this “sush”….lol Not only that but he also took me with him when doing various fundraisers or events with his boys. IMO, that takes getting to a level of trust where you can be all open.

I think going along (whether you with them or them with you) or to share in on what a person does, at some point becomes inevitable if you are on a path of “togetherness.” I’m not saying they SHOULD share in their day to day, but I would think at some point the two of you eventually cross over into each other’s worlds. He NEVER asked me to help build his business because it was well established, was a man’s man and frankly was well on his way but I take no issue “sharing” in what you do. Heck, as my boo, I want to know at some point…..and vice versa.

Overall, I think it just depends on where things stand between two individuals and the path they’re on or where the path is leading.

Exiled!

October 25th, 2012
8:17 am

Cel..that was a mature write up.

U getting booed up soon..!
U reading like somebody’s wife! :lol:

good morning!

Single?

I can see that….u just want to do the damn business with the woman of the day without her bothering about your work etc…I can understand that.. short term projects. :lol:

Celisea.....happy life!!

October 25th, 2012
8:25 am

Heeeey there Mmeello….lolololol Well, thank you sir for the compliment. I should tell you though, I don’t sweat the small stuff (i.e. worrying about a man). I got a man :mrgreen: but I will live if I don’t have one….lololol

Celisea.....happy life!!

October 25th, 2012
8:28 am

Alright, I got to get out of here and get downtown….I AIN’T EVEN LEFT THE HOUSE YET….gheesh Slow morning.

Toodles

Single and Happy

October 25th, 2012
8:28 am

yea ex, whatever

Enigma

October 25th, 2012
8:45 am

WOW!!! the blg monster ate my whole paragraph!!!! :evil:

Short version: it is no longer the man’s job to impress women since women are now so easy.
It’s the woman’s job to impress the man. She has to be special and show how she’s not like these other women

Enigma

October 25th, 2012
8:46 am

SlimNu

October 25th, 2012
8:50 am

Good morning,

Buddy does seem a little one-sided because if the woman he dates is a equally or even more passionate about what she’s into, where would the compromise lie? I wouldn’t have an issue being supportive of what my guy would be into, as long as it was legal and not something that’s has no moral standing. I believe in a couple having a foundation and then working together to better their family. It keeps you connected in more ways than just the regular everyday routine.

disco

October 25th, 2012
9:04 am

good morning.

S/H – you aren’t a movie person??? and here I thought we were the same person. big mistake. I love movies.

exiled – you crazy man. thing is there are some women out there who are perfectly willing to mold themselves into seth’s ideal woman. he just needs to find those women and stop judging the one’s that aren’t those women.

Comon ¢

October 25th, 2012
9:25 am

Good Morning, bloggies!

I think that it is nice to show interest in what your partner does, but it doesn’t have to be a mutual interest. For example, my hubs has ZERO interest in law and I have no interest in cooking (besides what we are eating! :lol: ) However, he is very supportive of my work as I am of his. We talk about our careers and I offer him suggestions if he is having a problem at work as he does with me. Would I want to do his job for a living? Heck no! And I am about 99% sure if you asked him the same the answer would be the same. That being said, we have mutual respect for each others careers and that is enough.

Comon ¢

October 25th, 2012
9:26 am

Cosign on disco’s 9:04 re: Seth’s situation. Don’t judge me cause my blues aren’t like yours! :lol:

Exiled!

October 25th, 2012
9:26 am

Hey Disco..

funny I’m feeling your ‘ your crazy man’ :lol:

How is Raleigh?

Exiled!

October 25th, 2012
9:32 am

Donald (t)Drump is an Attention Whrrre!!

Comon ¢

October 25th, 2012
9:36 am

Ex~ I would agree. We talked about him and his furry head animal yesterday.

Exiled!

October 25th, 2012
9:36 am

9:25 Common..

you stretching!

If u loved cheffing you would be a chef!

If ur hubby loved law he wld be a lawyer!

This is about supporting not being that which your hubby does!

Feel me counselor? :lol:
Approach the bench counselor.. let me feel if the Albertina is still in place. :lol:

Comon ¢

October 25th, 2012
9:48 am

Ex~ Albertina is firmly in place; that’s why I’m feeling myself this morning. :lol:

I think counsel has failed to read the brief fully. And I quote: “He feels that whomever he is with has to enjoy photography as much as he does. He even wants his woman to help him build his business and take it to the next level.”

If I enjoyed “cheffing” as much as the hubs, then I would be a chef. Correct, counselor! But I don’t! Ergo, my point. I can be supportive WITHOUT being interested. And the same can be said for the vice versa.

In fact, counselor, one could argue that the person could be interested without being supportive. Therefore, your logic is flawed and your case is dismissed.

Leggs

October 25th, 2012
9:49 am

Good morning.

Not sure if Seth is the same person, but we had this convo on the guy believing his woman should help him build his business and take it to the next level. – That’s a bunch of marlarkey! Is he solely looking for a woman that will do that, or is he looking for a potential wife that would have no problem investing? And, I don’t have to love your hobby or your particular interest. What I need to do is understand that this is your baby. I may have a particular interest he’s not overjoyed about. We don’t have to love “everything” about our mates.

Comon ¢

October 25th, 2012
9:49 am

Insert Law & Order gavel sound here…. :lol:

Or (Just for Leggs this morning :D ) **Kanye Shrug**

Willie Dynamite

October 25th, 2012
9:52 am

Morning all,
No, not all men are like Seth.
Seth’s problem is not in in way of thinking or his wants. The problem is with his execution. He should know by now that it’s a very very did I say very small % of the female population that would go for his type of arrangement. The problem is he is shopping to the entire female population. If he isn’t already I think he needs to prepare for the reality that his pickings will be slim. If not we have another bitter bobby in the making.

Single and Happy

October 25th, 2012
9:55 am

Disco, for me to watch a movie, it really has to keep my attention, part of my AADD (LOL) , movies are so predictable and unbelievable. I prefer the anime type if I’m going to watch any movie. Plus I can wait until it’s on FX (LOL)

On topic, what’s with expecting someone your DATING to stop their life and be all into yours? Isn’t dating supposed to be about getting to know the person they are, not the person you want them to be?

disco

October 25th, 2012
10:01 am

S/H – anime’? we are definitely not one and the same. granted a lot of movies are predictable but a lot of movies are still good. for instance, I can appreciate some good movie violence. lawless (on my mind because I just saw it) had shooting, a throat slashing, someone got bust in the face with a shovel and a guy even got tarred and feathered. when was the last time you saw that? that’s good stuff right there.

Leggs

October 25th, 2012
10:03 am

:lol: Thanks, Comon!

Single and Happy

October 25th, 2012
10:07 am

Disco, those are the movies that I don’t like, too unbelievable (LOL)

comon good argument.

Leggs

October 25th, 2012
10:09 am

Comon ~ you got mail!!!

disco

October 25th, 2012
10:11 am

S/H – for me the fantasy is in wishing you could do it. you mean to tell me you never wanted to hit someone in the face with a shovel?

Single and Happy

October 25th, 2012
10:13 am

No, I want to blow their brains out (LOL) I was just thinking the other day, I believe I could be a hit man (LOL)

Single and Happy

October 25th, 2012
10:16 am

Disco, on second thought a shovel would be better because blowing their brains out can’t be achieved since they don’t have one!! (LOL)

disco

October 25th, 2012
10:16 am

S/H – and how many great movies are there about hitmen? I think a lot of folks wish/think they could be a hitman. the professional isn’t very believable but it’s a darned good movie. I loved when old boy dropped from the ceiling on those fools. by the way I was just about to type up a post about how a lot of real life events aren’t very believable but decided what would be the point.

Single and Happy

October 25th, 2012
10:20 am

Disco, if you look at a lot of real life events, there was a movie about them somewhere, or the movie just took a real life event and sensationalized it.

Single and Happy

October 25th, 2012
10:21 am

Disco, by the way military snipers are basically hitmen.

Leggs

October 25th, 2012
10:21 am

O/T ~ I have quarterly meetings at hotels and our last mtg two days ago was frought with mishaps. The hotel overbooked but I was ASSURED that with my contract none of my attendees would be walked. They walked 7 and tried to walk ME! They took me off club level and a suite and put me in a regular room. They even walked my attendee who is confined to a wheelchair. I was HOT!!! The front desk attitude “stank” and I so wanted to bitch slap someone, but I kept my attitude in check and kept my tongue in cheek. So, I’m finally hearing back from my contact person and the entire bill has been reduced by 50%. Just saved over $2000!!! I should get a raise (lol).

Bluzgirl

October 25th, 2012
10:22 am

Morning all!

It is great to be able to share interests and be supportive of your partner, but to stop your life and help them build their business? I don’t think so! Now, when ex and I were together, I knew he was a musician and I thought at the time that he was very talented, so with my experience in booking and management, I started to help him attempt to build his career. The difference is that music is also my passion and I want to do that for a living one day. If I had no interest in doing that, I wouldn’t have done it.

While I may not be looking for a musician right now, I feel like I need to find a man who enjoys going to see live music. I think if we have totally different tastes in music, it may not work. :-)

Comon ¢

October 25th, 2012
10:25 am

Leggs~ Mail Call!

Leggs

October 25th, 2012
10:25 am

Disco, on second thought a shovel would be better because blowing their brains out can’t be achieved since they don’t have one!! (LOL)

Good one, Single!!!

Leggs

October 25th, 2012
10:26 am

disco

October 25th, 2012
10:28 am

S/H – you do realize the point you just made? movies aren’t believable but a lot of movies are based on things that happened in real life. sure we argue that the real life occurrences aren’t believable either (whether they actually happened or not). what a conundrum. lol.

leggs – not to mention there’s got to be more personal satisfaction behind hitting with a shovel than pulling a trigger. of course I don’t understand why people in movies spend so much time talking to their intended victim when they should just be blasting. no need to explain why you are blasting. those fools know.

Single and Happy

October 25th, 2012
10:28 am

Thanks leggs, so what hotel were you booked at, give them a shoot shout out (LOL)

Single and Happy

October 25th, 2012
10:29 am

Disco, dang we back on the same page again, I don’t owe you no explanation (LOL)

Sassy Me...Juicy Fruit ;-)

October 25th, 2012
10:32 am

Is it important to you that you have a partner who shares the same interests or hobbies?

I think it’s important for partners to have interests that they share b/c it strengthens the relationship..but it shouldn’t be to the extent they’re like Siamese twins either. On the flip..I think couples should also have interests that allow them to maintain a level of individual autonomy as well….you know like a give me a chance to miss you type thing.

Would it bother you if the person you were dating did not seem to be into the things you liked to do?

If a person I was dating didn’t seem to be into anything I liked I wouldn’t be upset…I’d suggest us finding something new we both liked doing together and go with that. No biggie.

Mornting and Helluuuuur :mrgreen:

Single and Happy

October 25th, 2012
10:38 am

Disco, I don’t find anything in life unbelievable because anything can happen at anytime. It’s just movies I find unbelievable.

Comon ¢

October 25th, 2012
10:42 am

S/H & disco~ In 2008, during the beginning of the year, I had a 2 month period that was so unbelievable, I used to tell people that if they made it in to a movie, people would walk out of the theater because they would say that there is no way that much bad stuff could happen to a person in 2 months! :lol: So, yeah, I believe in the incredulity of movies. Never say what couldn’t happen.

disco

October 25th, 2012
10:42 am

I guess I’ll try to stay on topic. I’m all for folks having different interests. I’m all for folks trying to show interest in something the partner is interested in. at the end of the day though, folks have to accept that everything isn’t for everybody. for instance, I’m not into sports. most guys are. most guys could care less if I’m into sports or not as long as I don’t disrupt their sports viewing activities. still, I run into the occasional guy who gets pushy about me attending games or watching games. the one who refuses to accept that I’m simply not interested. that guy is a problem.

I’m also all for folks being supportive of one another and all that. I just can’t get with folks who feel like they or their venture will crumble without that support. one should be strong enough or determined enough to do what they have to on their own if it comes to it. case in point, I have a cousin who is always running off at the mouth about starting a business. I know it’s just talk but I humor him sometimes. anyway, one time his excuse for not getting started was that his father wasn’t supportive. I’m like really. dude you are 40+ years old and you can’t make a move because your daddy doesn’t like your business idea. please.

Comon ¢

October 25th, 2012
10:43 am

Good morning, Sassy. How you doin?

Leggs

October 25th, 2012
10:45 am

Don’t think it’s good to mention their name. Anyone could be reading this blog.

Comon ¢

October 25th, 2012
10:46 am

disco~ You may have discovered that you and S/H are not the same person, but I’m not so sure that you and I aren’t the same person! :lol:

Single and Happy

October 25th, 2012
10:46 am

Disco and S/H Separated at birth, (LOL)