Relationships: Sharing is caring!
My friend Seth has a photography business. Every time he meets someone new, he invites them to accompany him on one of his gigs. He feels that whomever he is with has to enjoy photography as much as he does. He even wants his woman to help him build his business and take it to the next level.
I am always bothered by this being an absolute deal breaker. I tell him all the time that his Ms. Right may not have any interest at all in photography. Does that really mean you can’t be happy with her? I do agree that it is important to share common interests. I also believe that when you care about someone, you should be willing to share their passion. At the very least, you should support it. The question is – would you be willing to reciprocate?
My friend Seth never considered that the woman he meets may have her own business, dreams, or aspirations that he could support. I don’t know if all men are like this, but I seem to meet a lot of men that think that way. They have expectations of women but don’t seem to be prepared to offer the same thing back.
Is it important to you that you have a partner who shares the same interests or hobbies? Would it bother you if the person you were dating did not seem to be into the things you liked to do?
By Wise Diva, Misadventures in Atlanta Dating Blog
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299 comments Add your comment
Comon ¢
October 25th, 2012
4:26 pm
Yes he is…nice body and that smile is killer. I like Edward’s passion and intensity but Jacob definitely has a better physique.
His body is bangin! but that nose? Not so much. Although much better than popsicle d!ck.
Bluzgirl
October 25th, 2012
4:27 pm
I am very confident in many ways, but tend to clam up when it comes to men. I also am very confident in public and then when I’m alone, my mind works up so many different scenarios. It seems to be harder for me to figure out things with men than it is to figure out other things in life. I had no problem buying my house, buying my new car in April, planning a HUGE benefit concert. I have my isht together outside of dealing with relationships.
Bluzgirl
October 25th, 2012
4:28 pm
Comon – young-fellow is this new guy. Dr. Britt was a guy I was texting with (shortly after the break up) who lived out of town who seemed to have his isht together, but things didn’t work out…
Bluzgirl
October 25th, 2012
4:28 pm
Maybe it doesn’t help that I’m PMS’ing now too!
disco
October 25th, 2012
4:29 pm
bluz – yep. and like I said before. you are not alone. I don’t suppose there’s a “clinical” name for it but I call it “man-dumb”. of course, if all of a sudden all the man-dumb women of the world disappeared I suppose all of a sudden men would be leaping off bridges and jumping in front of trains all across the land. it is what it is.
SlimNu
October 25th, 2012
4:30 pm
CC – I was about to say….Now we’re on to something so let’s spice the juicy juicy up.
SlimNu
October 25th, 2012
4:31 pm
Bluz – Errrrrrybody is PMS’ing
Leggs
October 25th, 2012
4:31 pm
Bluz ~ not sure if you told us you were date raped at 18. Is that why your throw yourself at men and have to have sex so quickly? Meaning, do you think you’ll ever get to a healthy level of self-esteem. And, I guess that too is relative.
Sassy Me...Juicy Fruit ;-)
October 25th, 2012
4:33 pm
here we go…
Leggs
October 25th, 2012
4:33 pm
Bluz ~ your 4:28 is just an excuse. Own it and then handle it. BTW, you can also turn PMSing into a positive as well as a negative thing. It’s definitely up to you which one you pick.
Exiled!
October 25th, 2012
4:34 pm
Disco..I agree with you there..therapists etc
Anybody going to see one for counsel is basically wasting their damn money. My mum or grandma could give them betters advice.
Like I have heard of couples going to see a counselor coz one was cheating….
really?
Like the cheating party don’t know the right thing!
Unless u were brought up in a home of drug dealing and snorting parents and they did it in plain sight..which I bet is what happens in those homes
Or where the mum is a whrre and the suitors come in and go as they please
Yea a kid wld have a hard time knowing what’s right or wrong as an adult.
Ignorance is really pervasive! If u grow up in a fam of ignoramus,neighborhood is ignoramus,associates are ignoramus
Who is going to infuse knowledge in the dense knucklehead’s skull?
Ok now contradicting myself: wld I wanna marry a chic whose mama and granny were never married?
Hmmm mm…No!
just musing
disco
October 25th, 2012
4:35 pm
man-dumb is a combination of an excessive eagerness to please, willingness to trust or believe against your own better judgment. man-dumb is realizing things aren’t good but always hoping they’ll get better and they usually do get better but only for him. some folks are cured from man-dumb with a darned good wake up call. for others the condition may be permanent.
leggs – I was wondering if we were going to analyze that.
Willie Dynamite
October 25th, 2012
4:36 pm
And y’all tripped on me trying to steer the Convo away from Dr. Phil’s couch.
At least bring up the clown so I can laff while I smh.
Sassy Me...Juicy Fruit ;-)
October 25th, 2012
4:36 pm
His body is bangin! but that nose? Not so much
Chile when I close my eyes it wouldn’t matter
Bluzgirl
October 25th, 2012
4:37 pm
Leggs – I may have eluded to it before, but don’t think I really talked about it on here before. I do think that it has affected how I deal with sex and relationships. My last session with my therapist, we talked about this and that we need to work on figuring out why it may have affected me like this. You would think that I would have gone the opposite way after that happened, but I kind of went buck wild. I sure hope I’ll get to a healthy level of self-esteem one day!!! I think I’m starting to get there…
Exiled!
October 25th, 2012
4:38 pm
Enter your comments here
Bluzgirl
October 25th, 2012
4:39 pm
disco – I hope and pray that my man-dumb condition goes away soon!!!
disco
October 25th, 2012
4:39 pm
ex – I appreciate you being on my “team”. even your example, in my opinion, leaves a child with a matter of choice. growing up around drugs can make you or break you. the choice is yours.
bluz – I’m not knocking your therapy. do you. still, I’ll be your therapist for 50 cents on the dollar of what that other guy is charging you. lol.
Comon ¢
October 25th, 2012
4:39 pm
Whoa, patnahs! She is not havin gsex with dude yet! Maybe if she talks her way through it, it will be a good “training” boyfriend. You know the dude that you try your wiles out on?
Bluz~ Perhaps we should use young fellow as a model. You can build up your skills on him and then move forward to a partner who is more suited/compatible with your tastes. I mean, most of us in here are married or boo’ed up (so we know how to get/keep a man) and you also have the MLB to help you out. Sound like a good idea?
Exiled!
October 25th, 2012
4:40 pm
Bluz,is ur therapist a man?
Sassy Me...Juicy Fruit ;-)
October 25th, 2012
4:40 pm
some folks are cured from man-dumb with a darned good wake up call. for others the condition may be permanent.
Sure seems so doesn’t it?
And y’all tripped on me trying to steer the Convo away from Dr. Phil’s couch.
SassaFrass now queing up violin concerto #s 5&6…
Comon ¢
October 25th, 2012
4:40 pm
At least bring up the clown so I can laff while I smh
WD~ You stoopid! LMAO!
Comon ¢
October 25th, 2012
4:42 pm
Didn’t y’all have “training” boyfriends? It’s like a training bra, only for dating instead of boo_ies.
SlimNu
October 25th, 2012
4:43 pm
Bluz – With a situation like that, it may have infused with you that sex is what men demand from you…hence making you seek value in that way as opposed to the person showing you in other ways…Properly inviting you on a date, respecting your boundaries, etc. It’s definitely something to explore.
disco
October 25th, 2012
4:45 pm
sassy – i’m all for being supportive but man-dumb is real. some folks got it for life. I’ve watched countless chicks leave an abusive man to get with another abusive man. they like it, I love it but I’m not the shoulder to cry on when your lip is busted and your eye is on swole.
ex – her therapist is a hustler. lol. I think I mentioned on here recently that several of my friends are currently in therapy. one court ordered (lol), another couples, a third just because she likes it. they are all telling me I should get a therapist. to that I say puh-leeze. there would have to be extenuating circumstances for me to go to therapy but I sure wouldn’t be there for the advice and self analyzing. I know what my problems/issues are.
Single and Happy (LG Life is good)
October 25th, 2012
4:46 pm
Okay, I’m back. dang early voting to long
Sassy Me...Juicy Fruit ;-)
October 25th, 2012
4:46 pm
Didn’t y’all have “training” boyfriends?
That’s what boy toys are for..been there and evolved from that..
Leggs
October 25th, 2012
4:48 pm
A lot go buck wild after being rape. It’s not uncommon.
And, you shouldn’t let anybody “demand” anything from you. If you do, STOP IT!
Comon ¢
October 25th, 2012
4:48 pm
Sassy~ And that’s my point, I don’t think that Bluz has ever “evolved” from that. In fact, I bet she never had a training boyfriend.
Bluz? What say you?
Sassy Me...Juicy Fruit ;-)
October 25th, 2012
4:49 pm
they like it, I love it but I’m not the shoulder to cry on when your lip is busted and your eye is on swole.
I know right?! For some that have done it, they’ve learned that from watching their parents(I’ve had several tell me that) and that’s what they learned,”If he don’t hit me then he don’t love me”…I’ve never understood that and never will. You’ve gotta look in the mirror and own up to your part of the situation..
Bluzgirl
October 25th, 2012
4:49 pm
Comon – I like that thought!
It will be good practice!
Slim – you could very well be right about that. Don’t think I ever thought of it that way.
Ex/disco – My thoughts on therapy are different because of my dealings with mental illness (personally, with people I care about, the non-profit I work with). My therapist doesn’t give me all of the answers. He helps me to find the answers within myself. He leads me down the right path and helps me pick myself up when I fall. I wasn’t sure about therapy in the past, but over the past two years, I can definitely see a difference in myself. I have gained more confidence in myself and I have handled many situations better than I did before. It’s a long process. Mental illness is nothing to joke about. Some people can do just fine without therapy, but I think it has helped me to become a better me.
Single and Happy (LG Life is good)
October 25th, 2012
4:50 pm
You can lead a fool to wisdom, but you can’t make him think.hmmmm
Sassy Me...Juicy Fruit ;-)
October 25th, 2012
4:52 pm
uz? What say you?
^^^^
Yeah what she said…
Sassy Me...Juicy Fruit ;-)
October 25th, 2012
4:53 pm
I think it has helped me to become a better me.
Good for you…
G’nite blog familia
Bluzgirl
October 25th, 2012
4:54 pm
Comon – I think my first serious boyfriend may have been my “training” boyfriend, but that was shortly after the rape. I think I fell into a comfort zone with him. We were engaged. He loved me dearly, but he wasn’t the one. Since then, I have had 3 serious relationships and they all were ones that I jumped into. Time to change that.
I had a great family life growing up, but I’ve had a LOT of bad things happen to me outside of that. I’m tired of holding onto the pain and that’s why I go to therapy. I want to let that all go and live a close to normal life. I know I will. It just takes time
disco
October 25th, 2012
4:54 pm
sassy – love is gone be the death of a lot of folks. they better learn. love don’t love nobody. lol.
bluz – I know. you embrace your therapy and I’m not trying to take that away from you. I’m just saying me, myself, personally I’m not paying anyone month in and month out for years to tell me about me. I don’t care what deep rooted well suppressed issues I might have. besides – I was raised with the kinds of family members who were quick to say “you wanna know what your problem is” followed by a very detailed, often harsh description of my problem. yep. I’m very self aware.
Leggs
October 25th, 2012
4:54 pm
SassyMe ~ I too know people who said “if he doesn’t hit me, he doesn’t love me!” I wish I would utter those words out of my mouth. Going back to the convo where we may be like our parents, I’m the opposite of my mother, but watching her definitely helped mold me. I watch her in abusive relationship and always said I’d de damned if I let a men beat my ass!!! I had one bad fight with my ex, but I was about to clock him with a lamp. Not the other way around! I quickly came to my senses. So, no matter how we may not want to own it, our parents start out molding who we are, then we finish the end product!!
Willie Dynamite
October 25th, 2012
4:55 pm
Training boyfriends that’s funny cause from where I’m sitting Bluz seems like the test chick/fun girl you use for practice. Really not trying to be mean if it comes off that way but like I told y’all she has end of the bench rotation written all over her. You can’t analyze that. It’s gon take a few trips up and down the court before that is settled. Whether they say it or not most dudes on here recognize her. IJS
SlimNu
October 25th, 2012
4:57 pm
Love don’t love nobody simply cannot be our EOD lol
Bluzgirl
October 25th, 2012
4:57 pm
I will say that I will NEVER be with a man who physically abuses me. Any man who hits me, better run and hide cause if I don’t kill him, my dad and brother will!!! I have been in an emotionally abusive relationship, but that only lasted 5 months…I got out when he had me feeling like I was so worthless.
Anyway…I gotta get out of here. Meeting some friends for dinner in Tucker. I’ll read what ya’ll say later.
Thanks for all the help!
Comon ¢
October 25th, 2012
4:58 pm
Comon – I think my first serious boyfriend may have been my “training” boyfriend, but that was shortly after the rape. I think I fell into a comfort zone with him. We were engaged. He loved me dearly, but he wasn’t the one. Since then, I have had 3 serious relationships and they all were ones that I jumped into. Time to change that
That’s not a training boyfriend. Training boyfriend is the dude you KNOW is never going to be the one, but he likes you so you “test” things out on him. No kissing. No sex. You’re just holding on to him until something better comes along. (Sounds sh!tty on paper, but trust when I say it works) The girl who has a dude in her life always finds the dude she’s looking for quicker.
Leggs
October 25th, 2012
4:58 pm
How about, “everybody plays the fool.”
Bluzgirl
October 25th, 2012
4:58 pm
Gotcha Comon – Then, no…I have not had a training boyfriend…
Comon ¢
October 25th, 2012
5:00 pm
When you have sex with someone for the first time, you help each other take your clothes iff, but afterwards you redress yourself. Moral of the story? No one will help you after you’re fu__ked
How’s that for an EOD?
Comon ¢
October 25th, 2012
5:00 pm
*off not iff…
Sassy Me...Juicy Fruit ;-)
October 25th, 2012
5:00 pm
love don’t love nobody. lol.
Who sang that song?….”It takes a fool to learn..that love don’t love nobody”…
Leggs I saw my parents fight,too but the first time my mom fought back was the LAST time he tried that isht. I’ve only had to fight one ex but I left several reminders on his ass that he sees daily…he’ll always know who did it and who not to fck with.
Whether they say it or not most dudes on here recognize her. IJS
I guess it’s an equal opportunity game b/c that goes both ways..IJS
Okay now I’m out…
SlimNu
October 25th, 2012
5:01 pm
CC crazy…..
Check yall laters
disco
October 25th, 2012
5:01 pm
lol. my comment wasn’t meant as an EOD but it’s real blog people, it’s real. love is and can be a muthah. (insert evil laugh here).
Leggs
October 25th, 2012
5:03 pm
The Spinners