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Why no second date?

Have you ever had a really great introduction or first date with someone and felt a strong connection? You can literally sense the attraction and feel the chemistry spark. If you had to place a bet, the odds of hearing from them again were in your favor! Then nothing happens…ever.

It is SO frustrating but it actually happens a lot. People flirt, mix and mingle all the time. You won’t always have what you feel reciprocated, and you can’t take that personally.

Think about the last time you met someone and immediately realized they were not a good match for you. What was it that made you think that they were better suited for somebody else?

When was the last time you met someone or had a first date – but decided not to pursue it?

I heard a guy say that he refused to ask for a second date because the woman’s car was a mess inside and out. That made me wonder if our reasons are always valid? How can know for sure that you aren’t being too critical, picky, or judgmental?

Do you know why someone lost interest in you? Does it really matter to you or do you just “charge it to the game” and move on?

By Wise Diva, Misadventures in Atlanta Dating Blog

256 comments Add your comment

Single and Happy

October 24th, 2012
7:14 am

I heard a guy say that he refused to ask for a second date because the woman’s car was a mess inside and out. That made me wonder if our reasons are always valid? Whether my reason is valid to anyone else, is irrelavent, as long as it valid to me that’s all that matter.

Do you know why someone lost interest in you? Does it really matter to you or do you just “charge it to the game” and move on? Charge to the game and move on!

If you always feel you have to bring your “A” game on a first date then evidently you’re not being yourself. If you put that much effort into it and the person doesn’t like you for what ever reason, some may have a problem with it. Be yourself and enjoy it for what it is, if they don’t like you, don’t worry about the reason, just know they weren’t the one for you.

Celise.....happy life!!

October 24th, 2012
7:45 am

Honestly I can’t remember the last time I did random dating or went on bunches of dates. Can’t say that’s been my thing. I did that more so when I was younger. Not often though. I’ve mostly gone out in the last ten years with a steady, after being pursued. That’s more a win-win because when I did decide, it was as a result of their pursuit, their efforts, and me being fully on-board of giving it a go.

Before I locked things with my current hon, there was someone I was potentially interested in, that possibly would have placed me in today’s scenario. It didn’t pan out. I’m happy things went the way they did because I have a feeling I would have been on stage with others. And you know me, I’m not going to “compete” with others. IMO, that make space for folks to place you in a line-up…lol Don’t get me wrong, I understand those are the dynamics of dating, but I don’t like being bothered with that stuff. I could never get the truth I felt, so why bother? You know? I don’t like to be bothered with that stuff….lol Just move on past me. Too old for shenanigans. I didn’t do it younger and I’m certainly not don’t now!

But as with my only three LTRs, this current thing I’m trying started with someone that pursued and made me feel like they “really” wanted something solid and was willing to go all in. Not, let me see how you’ll do up against others and then we’ll see….nuh uh, no can do. So, my point being, no you can’t always tell, but the “feeling” of a test run will have me backing away. I mean you ain’t gotta commit day one but I’d much rather be where we’ve talked and discussed and talked and have almost decided…..rather than “hey, what’s your name, wanna meet up”….that’s for the youngins….lol Don’t have much patience in that regard.

Jeff

October 24th, 2012
8:21 am

As the saying goes “Maybe he (or she) just isn’t that into you”.

The real measurement is whether or not you’re mature enough to accept that without all the whining and compaining and “well they’re the ones who are missing out”, blah blah blah?

SlimNu

October 24th, 2012
8:21 am

Good Chilly Willy Wednesday,

Check back in after my sale ;-)

Enigma

October 24th, 2012
8:29 am

It’s not hard to get a second date.
If the person already knows you- be courteous, respectable, have a great personality. Little things like offering to pay for the first date (if you are a female) go a long way.

If the person does not know you and you are meeting through a dating website or through a blind date- make sure your your description of yourself is 100% accurate. Don’t say you are a size 4 when in reality you weigh 250 pounds. Don’t like about your age or pretend to be someone you’re not.

And if you do not get a second date, don’t get all bent out of shape about it. Dust yourself off and work on you so that someone else can ask you out.

Exiled!

October 24th, 2012
8:34 am

So Celisea…the dude You preferred did not pan out and u went for 2nd Choice?

:lol:

On topic:
If the second date does not happen for you lady,just charge that and KIM. After all,and most likely,dude was upstanding,you had a free meal,u feel stuffed and most of u didn’t pay a nickle towards the date,other than gas. That was a Win Win. Nice evening.

Trust,dude is proly also disappointed as well coz he may have had high hopes coming in. And u deflated him. If u guys met in a club at nite and now he gets to see u during the day and wow..look different under the glare of the sun. The real U! :lol:

Did u even thunk bout that?! :lol:

Exiled!

October 24th, 2012
8:39 am

Enigma?

I can understand why a woman wld lie about themselves on the website. Isn’t the while website move a desperate move anyway? :lol:

So she will pull out the high school pics for maximum web hits! In order to snag a live date.

Desperate times demand desperate measures! :lol:

Exiled!

October 24th, 2012
8:40 am

Exiled!

October 24th, 2012
8:42 am

Jeff…’they’re the ones missing out blah blah’ :lol:

….that’s a MIA favorite! :lol:

Celise.....happy life!!

October 24th, 2012
8:44 am

Mmeelo – I didn’t say “no go” dude was my preference. I prefer a gentleman, always. :mrgreen: I was willing to give the “no go” dude a chance because he was first. The current honey came along months later and showed me what I needed to see. I’m not going to pass over a good thing when it’s sitting in my lap….lol

Single and Happy

October 24th, 2012
8:58 am

So ex what’s the difference between, internet dating, matchmaking, hooking people up, blind dates, personal ads, meeting at church, the club, the street corner, work, the mall?? they are all just different avenues for meeting people. Nothing desperate about any of them. You should take the same precautions with all of them, people can lie no matter where you meet them.

Celisea.....happy life!!

October 24th, 2012
9:07 am

Alright, gotta work…I’m out

disco

October 24th, 2012
9:08 am

good morning.

S/H – I see we are back to tracking. I totally agree that why I don’t like a person is of no concern to anyone but me. goodness knows I get clowned plenty for some of the inconsequential things I can’t take. for instance, eye color. I don’t care how great a guy is, I’m simply not comfortable with what I call “funny colored” eyes. gives me the creeps and while I have friends/acquaintances with not-brown eyes I can’t imagine rolling over, waking up and being scared to death every single morning trying to be with a grey/green/blue-eyed man.

S/H – I also agree with your point re internet dating. when it’s all said and done what difference does it make where you meet the person. that very same person could be at church, at the club, online, on the corner, in the mall. the person is the person regardless. (I was tempted to type irregardless). lol.

Leggs

October 24th, 2012
9:09 am

SassyMe ~ MAIL CALL!!!!!

Exiled!

October 24th, 2012
9:14 am

Single?
Internet is not Live! Deception on All levels!

The preferred method for chics is to eye dude,waay down,way up while he is there,Live!

The preferred method is for dudes to check her there,Live..nice bootey,tatas,smile..the whole nine,while she’s standing,then check her bootey one more time as she leaves. :lol:
Then we set up a date to talk or we talk on the phone for a Lil bit,yikkie,yakkie,this and that.

How u going to even go there on the Internet when ALL u got is a head shot? :lol:

It’s deception with a D from one!

Desperate!

Leggs

October 24th, 2012
9:15 am

That made me wonder if our reasons are always valid? – Valid to the person with the reasons, most times not for the person on the receiving end.

There have been times when I thought the date was going well, and was told the date was going well only to hear crickets. One person did tell me “he didn’t want to ruin my life” and that’s why he didn’t ask me out again. I was so flummoxed by that statement. I did asked what he meant, and all I got was “you’re a good girl.” I even called a friend up to help me understand. My last dates didn’t pan out well either simply because of my morals. Oh well. All I can say, is another one bites the dust.

Good morning.

Exiled!

October 24th, 2012
9:17 am

Single..now if u doing it and it’s working for u,All good!

I know u commitment phob so…nice place to get bootey I must say.

IJS :lol:

disco

October 24th, 2012
9:20 am

leggs – that’s deep that old boy told you that. I dated one guy way way back whose mom told him to leave me alone before he ruined my life. 20+ years later and we still joke about it.

Single and Happy

October 24th, 2012
9:44 am

Ex, the best liars are the ones that you meet in person, the best cons work in person. You can distract people with things and they will pay no attention to what you say. With web cams, skype, yahoo video, camera phones, you have more than a head.

Disco, I see as usual we seeing eye to eye (scary isn’t it, almost like we’re the same person) (LOL)

Bluzgirl

October 24th, 2012
9:45 am

In the past, I went on two separate dates with two different men and I know they thought the date went wonderful, but they had each offended me in some way and I left them alone immediately. I was nice during the date and maybe they thought that meant that I was into them. Afterwards, I just ignored calls and texts and they got the message…

Enigma

October 24th, 2012
9:50 am

SMH At Exiled 8:39

Single and Happy

October 24th, 2012
9:53 am

Commitment phobe, yea that me (lmao)

Leggs

October 24th, 2012
9:57 am

disco ~ I appreciated the honesty, but man that was a surprise to hear it like that. I could only surmise he was still running through life, women, skinning and a grinning, and knew I was seeking something along the line of where water seeks its own level.

disco

October 24th, 2012
10:01 am

O/T – I went to see lawless last night. I thought it was pretty good. it had violence and drama and they didn’t feel compelled to muddy it up with a love story. lol.

Button

October 24th, 2012
10:06 am

Have you ever had a really great introduction or first date with someone and felt a strong connection?
Yes, I just knew this was the one, we had a great time, good convo, humor, and a lot incommon but no call for a second date, I was crushed. Dude never called.

When was the last time you met someone or had a first date – but decided not to pursue it? It was about two years ago, I met a guy, we dated but when we had our first kiss, it felt like I was kissing a wall. I felt absolutely NOTHING! so I went on a second date and again I felt nothing when we kissed. I quit him quickly.

HST

October 24th, 2012
10:07 am

IMO, either they found something more interesting, or they had a significant other already. I’d say MOST of the time, those are the reasons. The other main one is he saw, heard, or perceived a deal breaker. However, as men get older, we tend to accept ‘Girl Clutter,’ and other subjective bearings of one’s person.

I too used to think if a woman’s car was messy it was a sign of who they are. I soon realized that if I used that assessment for women – I’d have lots of nights alone. I feel that both sexes are very subjective, and have idealistic POV in their 20’s.

1. I met another more interesting woman, before I was supposed to call you.
2. I was being an immature judgmental prick.
3. Seemed to complicated to ’seal the deal.’
4. Buddies warned me of you.
5. I liked you; but you just weren’t for me, after further thought.
6. I’m just too lazy.
7. I got busy, and felt weird to call after so many days of not making contact.

Girl Clutter: A woman’s mess that a man can’t understand, or comprehend.

To offset ‘Girl Clutter,’ I do not share a bathroom with my GF. I gave her the other master bedroom to keep her stuff. I don’t go in either rooms (well, very seldom), because it bugs me, and this way I just don’t have to care – I simply shut the door.

disco

October 24th, 2012
10:12 am

HST – you do agree though that there is a difference thought between cluttered or untidy and down and out nasty?

M. (pronouced M dot)

October 24th, 2012
10:19 am

Good day all..

The first date to guys never really counts. Every guy has been on first dates that seem great then they flatline. The deal is sometimes some women may not be interested in a second date for various reasons such as:

1. No chemistry.
2. Let Down i.e., they seemed great but turns out they were not.
3. They may just wanted to go out with somebody just to do something.
4. They may already have someone that they are seeing and you arent good enough for them to stop seeing that other person.

5. She may just be a serial dater with no serious intentions

Guys should always look at the first date for what it is. The chance to go out and get to know someone new for a couple of hours.

HST

October 24th, 2012
10:24 am

Yes, I do Disco. I wouldn’t associate with a person whom is “down and out nasty.” Please notice I used person, and not just female.

I’m a very fastidious person, however, I always seem to find, or be with women whom aren’t. Maybe it’s nature balancing yin & yang, or myself balancing my life subconsciously. I’ve pondered often about that, because of my frustration with it.

Diva gave the example of the car, and it just hit home.

Sassy Me...PYT ;-)

October 24th, 2012
10:25 am

em>That made me wonder if our reasons are always valid? – Valid to the person with the reasons, most times not for the person on the receiving end.

In relation to our topic this is what usually happens to me. I think it boils down to the other persons intent and agenda. If a dude’s intent is just to get with a woman and use her(money,sex,place to stay,money)and the woman he meets isn’t up for that then he may decide not to persue her anymore(with or without telling her) and she’s left lookin around like, “What happened”.

Also when narcissistic men who aren’t used to dealing with opinionated women who challenge them meet a woman like that, they bolt in the other direction to an easy one who requires less work.

HST

October 24th, 2012
10:27 am

“Guys should always look at the first date for what it is. The chance to go out and get to know someone new for a couple of hours.”

Well said M., and I always wonder why some get so serious about something so casual.

disco

October 24th, 2012
10:30 am

HST – I’m certainly not judging. I pulled back from a guy once because he had a nasty car. clothes, shoes, newspapers, fast food bags, old soda cans. stuff was literally piled up. a car doesn’t get like that overnight. a car doesn’t get like that on a road trip. a car gets like that when that’s just how the nasty A owner of the car is. lol.

Single and Happy

October 24th, 2012
10:48 am

disco, sounds like he was living in his car! IJS

Leggs

October 24th, 2012
10:52 am

disco ~ a gf once told me that I guy won’t date me because of the track stickers and Mom of the Year sticker I have on my bumper. Oi Vey! If that bothers someone, like Eddie Kendricks said, Keep on Trucking, Baby…

HST

October 24th, 2012
10:54 am

I totally get you disco, and agree completely – that’s a disgusting scenario. I met some really beautiful women with dirty cars in my collegiate years (all stages), but not to that point of looking like they lived in their car.

FTR, IMO, It’s not being judgmental if you remove yourself rather than judge.

I totally feel my GF is a slob. I’ll tell her to her face. As long as her mess is not in my face, and keeps the rest of the house neat/tidy, and keeps her mess to her space, I do my best to ignore. It’s weird, because she is so put together, dresses to the T, impeccable make-up/hair, is a QA engineer, but is a complete slob. Sometimes I’ll complain, and she’ll do a lot with her space, but whatever amount she does she’s still so far from being tidy. Seriously, we have an agreement, out of sight – out of mind; therefore, she just keeps the door shut.

Leggs, Oi! Yeah, bye-bye…

HST

October 24th, 2012
10:58 am

By keeping the rest of the house neat/tidy…I mean put your clutter up. I have a full-time house keeper, my GF doesn’t have to clean, even if she does.

HST

October 24th, 2012
11:02 am

I need to detail a car, and grab some lunch. I’ll check back in periodically to see what’s happening on the blog today.

JIC, have a good day all.

disco

October 24th, 2012
11:15 am

HST – that particular guy wasn’t living in his car. he was just nasty. his apartment was the same way. at least the living room which was as far as I got. there was so much stuff on the floor, coffee table, couch. it was awful.

I have another friend who keeps a nasty car but an impeccable house. I don’t understand it but it is what it is.

so where is everyone today? the same skip party they were at yesterday?

Single and Happy

October 24th, 2012
11:19 am

Disco, are you sure we haven’t meet (LOL)

disco

October 24th, 2012
11:22 am

S/H – what you trying to say? you got a nasty car and a nasty living room?

Single and Happy

October 24th, 2012
11:29 am

Disco, it depends on who’s doing the looking (LOL)

Will the Real Black Mamba Please Stand Up

October 24th, 2012
11:34 am

Heeeeeeey guys!

SASSY..I co-sign your 10:25. I have always been a strong and opinionated woman. And I will NOT change for nobody. Even as a child, I spoke up. Sometimes it got me in trouble. But I did not care because at least I was no punk and was never considered docile. My family members knew not to mess with me. And as far as taking care of a man….I WILL NOT RAISE A GROWN @$$ MAN. If you are my SO and you fall down on your luck, then I will HELP you.

ON TOPIC…I am an OCD neat freak. So a nasty house/car will make my skin crawl. I had a homegirl who kept a nasty house and car and she wondered why guys ran from her like a diseased crotch! I told her that it’s because she is NASTY! And I know I feel if you keep where you eat and lay your head filthy…then you probably keep your body the same way. Sorry guys…nut crust is NOT sexy time in the city!

My current guy is not a slob or neat freak. So, he just laughs when I come over and clean. He asked me to show him how I keep things so tidy. So that along with decorating keeps us busy.

I have met guys online. And when we spoke, we had great convos. Based on pictures, we were attracted to one another. But once we hung out, for some reason it was like somebody peed on the fire because there were NO sparks! Hard to explain. But how do you tell someone….”hey, I’m just not feeling you like that bruh”?

disco

October 24th, 2012
11:40 am

mamba – re nasty friends. what about the friends that are always cleaning but their house is never clean? or what about they ones who are always so quick to say it’s a mess because of the kids? can they not teach their kids to clean up? lol. guess not. if momma don’t clean, baby don’t clean. some folks are just untidy by nature. I have a friend who is fly fly fly when you see her out. you literally have to step over stuff when you go to her house.

kimmie

October 24th, 2012
11:44 am

Morning All!!

Single, I agree with almost your entire first post. Especially about the reason being “valid”. As long as it makes sense to me that’s all that matters. And I really don’t owe anyone an explanation and they never owed me one either. If one isn’t interested, both are not interested.

Yeah, I’ve had the “no 2nd date” thing happen before. It really is part of the game. Yeah it can be frustrating. But rejection is part of life.

I try to bring my A game to everything I do, so I’m not putting myself out or not being myself. I am an A! If the inclination is to go at something halfway, then I tend not to do it. So if the desire was not there to give a relationship my all, for whatever reason, I did not pursue it.

It’s kind of like a conversation I had recently with hubs. He inquired about us possibly hosting a Halloween party. I told him I didn’t feel up to it. He thought I really liked to entertain, but this past year we have not done much. I explained that I do love to entertain. But when I do it, I go all out. I don’t do things like that half-azz. My job, the kids soccer and other activities have had me strung out to where I couldn’t give it my best.

Leggs

October 24th, 2012
11:58 am

All of that will definitely tire a person, kimmie. Last thing one is wanting to do is prepare the house for a party because hosting a party is work!

kimmie

October 24th, 2012
11:59 am

Disco/Mamba – I have a good friend whose slobbery contributed to the destruction of her marriage. Even after they broke up she still continued to keep a cluttered house. Now the front of the house would be passable, and her house didn’t smell. She wasn’t filthy, but extremely junky. Her bedroom was just a step away from looking like those on Clean House or Horders. She started dating a childhood friend long-distance. One weekend she was expecting a visit from him. I asked her was she going to clean up. She said “he knows me, he doesn’t care about all that”. I told her she better watch it. Didn’t she learn anything from her marriage? A man may not say anything, but he notices. She thought about what I said and cleaned up! They broke up about a year later and she started dating another guy that she actually discovered was a real hoarder. I mean to the point he could have been on the show and had the emotional issues to go along with it. Needless to say, they didn’t last long. But her house has been practically spotless ever since!

kimmie

October 24th, 2012
12:02 pm

Leggs – Absolutely!! He & the kids don’t really get it cause all they think we have to do is put up some fun decorations and that’s it. I’m not putting up decorations and having folks in my house unless it is spotless first. Then I have to plan a menu, shop for it and prepare for it. Even if it’s catered, I still would have to set it all up.

Nope, not this year!

SlimNu

October 24th, 2012
12:03 pm

Sorry just peeking in for a hot second…Where da hell were ya’ll yesterday? :roll:

disco

October 24th, 2012
12:05 pm

kimmie – one of my aunts is on the “nasty” side. she lives alone and her house is a wreck. apparently last year at family reunion time one of my cousins and a couple of her kids stayed at my aunt’s house. story goes my aunt had the nerve to tell my cousin’s kids to clean her house. needless to say my cousin and my aunt got into it behind it.

hey slim. coming in here regulating and demanding answers. i was here. lol.

SlimNu

October 24th, 2012
12:10 pm

disco – You know I wasn’t talking about you chica. ;-) But I feel like this is one of those days where someone is going to win the lotto. And by lotto, I mean they are going to pull my lever, get them three 7’s and get cussed the fugg out. Or in the words of Kevin Hart, “You gone learn today!” But i’m whooosahing as best as I can.