Dating: I’m so embarrassed!
If someone could find a way to purchase a dating do over, I know a lot of people who would want it. We try to bring our A game, especially on first dates. Sometimes anxiety kicks in and we leave a less then stellar impression.
One of our readers went out with a guy from church this weekend. While they were waiting for valet, her ex-boyfriend approached her and basically embarrassed her. He made a comment about her temper and alluded to her history of property destruction.
In her defense *ahem*, this was a guy she dated in college. She told her date she is not the same girl and tried to downplay it, but she was pretty embarrassed. Should she try to explain the full story to her date or drop it and let it go? Maybe he can see for himself that she is a mature woman now?
Have you ever been embarrassed on a date? How did you handle it?
What would you do if you ran into one of your exes while you were out with someone else? Speaking of, Atlanta is WAY too small sometimes, no?
By Wise Diva, Misadventures in Atlanta Dating Blog
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185 comments Add your comment
Bluzgirl
October 23rd, 2012
11:43 am
There is no way I could have a sexless marriage. I enjoy it way too much. I used to get frustrated with ex because he didn’t want it as much as I did. Of course, now I know it’s because he was just using me for a place to lay his head. I wanted it several times a week at least.
SlimNu
October 23rd, 2012
11:44 am
disco –
If she’s gained any weight, I can’t tell. She is a medium sized chick…no muffin top or anything like that….average chick I suppose. He told her they should be able to connect in other ways and she should believe him when he says he wants her…just doesn’t feel compelled to hump her back out to prove it.
Comon ¢
October 23rd, 2012
11:46 am
Slim~ While I may b!tch (lightly) about my 4-peater, if he wasn’t blowing my back out on the regular, it would be an issue. Did she say what their sex life was like BEFORE they got married?
disco
October 23rd, 2012
11:47 am
slim – well it takes all kinds. he might have something else going on (medical or something) and just hasn’t come to terms with it yet. could be anything. of course, I’m the chick that would kick his behind right up out of my bed. i’d be darned if he laid up next to me all night. lol.
kimmie
October 23rd, 2012
11:50 am
Bluz – That sounds good. Take this time to REALLY GET TO KNOW each other. Talk alot and really listen to what the other person is saying. Leave the physical out of it for now. If he’s really into you, yes he wants sex, but that’s not his main focus. And allow him to pursue you his way and by his means. If he’s only able to go for a walk in the park and get ice cream with you, then that’s what you do. It’s great that you offer to reciprocate and you should some time, but hold back some for now. Let him show you what he’s made of. And let him see you’re not an ordinary chick like all the others.
SlimNu
October 23rd, 2012
11:52 am
CC – They were doing it on a regular basis…at least weekly.
disco – I asked her if there were some sort of medical issues with him but nothing that should be affecting his drive. She said she’ll initiate with her and he’ll brush her off or roll over. And he’ll even get aroused….(damn, this chick told me all that LOL) I might need to start charging her for my time.
lunch
disco
October 23rd, 2012
11:53 am
kimmie – I read your post to bluz and I thought “yeah yeah yeah, blah blah blah”. not saying it’s bad advice just saying what I thought. lol.
disco
October 23rd, 2012
11:55 am
slim – I saw a similar medical angle play out on tv. Lincoln heights. dude got brand new with his wife to the point of pushing for divorce. come to find out he had a medical condition and he didn’t want to burden her with it. in his mind it was better to leave her before he got too sick.
kimmie
October 23rd, 2012
11:56 am
Disco –
If it doesn’t apply, then walk on by!!! LOL!!
Comon ¢
October 23rd, 2012
12:01 pm
Slim~ If his d!ck is getting hard and he’s not beating her gutys with it, something else major is going on. Be it medical, mental, other chick, whatever. No dude gets the rock hard willie and brushes his WIFE off to go to sleep unless something else is going on. I had a friend whose husband started thazt isht and turns out, he was being faithful to the GF and not f__king the wife. That is not the kind of isht you want to find out a year or two down the line.
If their sex life was normal before marriage and now it just fell off, there has to be a reason. Can she pinpoint the time is started to fall off? What was going on in their lives at that point?
Bluzgirl
October 23rd, 2012
12:02 pm
kimmie – That’s what I plan to do. I need to hold back on my generosity. I guess it’s good that he doesn’t already know me, so he doesn’t know how giving I am! I’m gonna make him work some for me. Who knows…we may hang out this weekend and we don’t connect at all. We’ll see. I just want to take it slow and do everything right for once! Here’s my chance to show everyone (and myself) that I can do this without bringing sex in immediately!
disco
October 23rd, 2012
12:04 pm
CC – when my cousin’s first wife divorced him she said that the final straw was when she realized her husband was cheating on his girlfriend to spend time with her. at the time I thought the comment was hilarious.
Comon ¢
October 23rd, 2012
12:11 pm
disco~ Happens more than people realize.
SlimNu
October 23rd, 2012
12:16 pm
CC – Now she didn’t say anything about an event that happened that changed it all…Said she had noticed the lack of frequency within the last few months…the times were starting to be more and more spaced out.
SlimNu
October 23rd, 2012
12:17 pm
I’m enjoying a Taco Bell Cantina bowl again. Mmmm, now all i need is a margarita
SlimNu
October 23rd, 2012
12:17 pm
No not now…oops
Comon ¢
October 23rd, 2012
12:19 pm
So, she should go back to the past few months (when she first noticed it) and look at what was going on in their life at the time. Was there a “boys night out” or some other event where there was a space in the relationship? Did she do something that turned him off around that time? Was there a major life change like a baby or a job change around that time? Any doctor’s appointments for him?
disco
October 23rd, 2012
12:20 pm
slim – funny you mentioned taco bell. I was just thinking about a Mexican spot I frequent. of course, I’m not thinking lunch but dinner. also, while I enjoy margaritas I’ve been on a mojito kick here lately. well, in my mind. I haven’t had one in about a month but getting another one is on my list of things to do.
SlimNu
October 23rd, 2012
12:28 pm
I cannot get into the mojitos for some reason…just not my steelo lol
CC- She said she’s dissected it, put it back together and dissected it again and don’t see what could be wrong. When she asked him flat out what the deal was, he just said, Can I just not want to do it without you coming up with all kinds of reasons that you’ve read in a magazine or on the internet. I want you, I desire you but I don’t feel like sex is the only way I can show you that. If that’s all, then something is surely wrong.
Bluzgirl
October 23rd, 2012
12:29 pm
I had Taco Bell the other night for the first time in a while. It was actually pretty yummy! I haven’t tried the new Cantina bowl yet…
Mmmmm….now I’m craving real Mexican food…
disco
October 23rd, 2012
12:30 pm
slim – well hell. she should have called him on all the other ways he can show her. I would be making a list of things I wanted to do, places I wanted to go, experiences I wanted to have. show me you care futher mucker. geez. I was trying to stay on dude’s side for awhile. being all open minded and whatnot but eff it. it’s some fraggle naggle bull. lol.
Comon ¢
October 23rd, 2012
12:30 pm
Slim~ Agreed. Men don’t just stop wanting to do the do with you. Once a quarter?!? Puh-leeze!
Comon ¢
October 23rd, 2012
12:30 pm
See, even disco’s there now.
disco
October 23rd, 2012
12:33 pm
CC – heck yeah. they say it’s cheaper to keep her. dude would find out it’s cheaper, less time consuming and requires less energy to just break me off right quick. I’d have his behind hiking the grand canyon. lol. “baby if you really cared for me..”
SlimNu
October 23rd, 2012
12:37 pm
disco – That’s what she was telling me that she was like, please help me understand this change in you. If you care about my needs and desires then I would not have to have this convo with you. What man would want his woman walking around with a serious D deficiency. Eventually, she would probably go elsewhere as bad as that seems. But i’m sure that would be a waste because women want that connection to their partner…not some random wang. It’s a sad situation…really sad.
disco
October 23rd, 2012
12:42 pm
slim – I’m so retarded. he’d leave me. I could see me throwing buckets of water on him. every time I got to feeling some kind of way and couldn’t have any I’d go to running water. or I’d stop cooking and be like there’s other ways for me to show you I care besides cooking for you or doing laundry for you. you just found out your mother’s in the hospital? I’m sorry. I got the call but didn’t give you the message. there’s other ways for me to show you I care besides relaying messages. oh he don’t know petty like I know petty.
Comon ¢
October 23rd, 2012
12:49 pm
disco~ You sound like me. Let me pull a page out of Comon’s crazy past.
When I married the first husband, we had a Rottweiler. Now, if you left him out in the garage, that fool would p!ss on everything. The first husband ran his own carwash and washed his towels at home. We got in an argument and dude left the dog out on purpose. So, I went an got his clean work towels out of the dryer and cleaned up the dog p!ss with them. Then I left them out there so that the dog could pee on them some more. When he came hom eand was all upset, I opened my eyes innocently wide and said “Well, you left the dog out knowing he would pee, so I assumed you left the towels at home so I could clean it up.”
SlimNu
October 23rd, 2012
12:56 pm
Comon ¢
October 23rd, 2012
12:59 pm
Slim~ I don’t know what the Hell dummio had. But that dog marked his damn territory EVERYWHERE!!! I mean he p!ssed CONSTANTLY! But only if you left him out of the kennel. Go figure!
Enigma
October 23rd, 2012
1:08 pm
“On average, men think about it at least 7 times a day. ”
As a female, I probably think about it way more than that
SlimNu
October 23rd, 2012
1:10 pm
CC – Well maybe Kudjo was acting out for being locked up so much lol
Comon ¢
October 23rd, 2012
1:11 pm
Nah, Cujo just liked to prove he was a dominant and isht was his…
So he felt the need to “mark” everything and then mark it again.
SlimNu
October 23rd, 2012
1:32 pm
I remember I had a cat and when we had visitors, he sprayed their luggage. That is definitely a smell you cannot get rid of easily.
Enigma
October 23rd, 2012
1:35 pm
I lived with a lady who’s cat would sneak into my room when I was away and spray on my stuff.
I was livid!
Mrs. SexyCool
October 23rd, 2012
1:35 pm
Comon – you’re feeling me. Really, Bluz, that blackgirlsareeasy site has some posts that should be in the Bible for Black Girls Dating. Some of the language is a bit rough at times. But Dude brings you real ish.
I can so see some of my past behaviors in things that he talks about. And sometimes, I have to be honest and say that a lot of what he talks about are lessons that I learned, but some of what he talks about didn’t apply in my last relationship only because my husband is such a stand up guy.
Mrs. SexyCool
October 23rd, 2012
1:37 pm
Or I should say in my current relationship.
Mrs. SexyCool
October 23rd, 2012
1:42 pm
And as to today’s topic, I call foul on the ex and any ex that would do some foolishness like that.
Lame @$$ simp.
Enigma
October 23rd, 2012
1:47 pm
My effing tooth.
I digress
kimmie
October 23rd, 2012
1:55 pm
Where are all the men today???
SlimNu
October 23rd, 2012
2:02 pm
They were too embarrassed to confess…
kimmie
October 23rd, 2012
2:04 pm
Slim – Guess so!!lol
Enigma
October 23rd, 2012
2:06 pm
where are all the PEOPLE ?
Comon ¢
October 23rd, 2012
2:07 pm
There’s my hero! Hey MrsSC! I LOVE that blackgirlsareeasy site. Girl, I been perusing and emailing links to those I think need or or just to tell some about their rachet azz selves…
disco
October 23rd, 2012
2:11 pm
blog long-timers – is this one of the slowest blog days ever?
kimmie
October 23rd, 2012
2:12 pm
disco – It’s up there!
Enigma
October 23rd, 2012
2:14 pm
I’m out….deuces
disco
October 23rd, 2012
2:16 pm
well, you know I’m going out on a limb here but parents of small children. if you are allowing your child to participate in Halloween activities what are they dressing up as? and, if you have a child that is all about getting requests in early, what do they want for Christmas?
Mrs. SexyCool
October 23rd, 2012
2:16 pm
We have had slower.
disco
October 23rd, 2012
2:24 pm
okay. I’m committed to at least getting to page 3.
SlimNu
October 23rd, 2012
2:25 pm
I’M SOOOOOO SLEEPY….Come on yall, let’s get the juices flowing in here. Somebody lube it up!