Good morning,

This ought to be a bit interesting…check back in since apparently I didn’t get the memo that we could come in late today. (Slim now turning on the space heater to get this place warmed up)

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WOW. This definitely should be interesting.

Good morning.

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Not a commitment phobe…nope, not me! Of course a month or so ago I was accused of being one…lol

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Not a commitment phobe….nope, not me! Of course a month or so ago I was accused of being one.. lol

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Good morning, oh la la the commit phobia man, the unemotional man, you name it, been there done that and it wasn’t pretty either. Mood draining. I must admit I did stay once because he said not right now. I just knew I could’ve change that mandingo oh how foolish was I.

I spot a commitment phobe by his attitude toward women and dating. In my experience a misogynist is top tier commitment phobe.

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good morning.

ML5 – I have to ask. why didn’t you tell said person that you didn’t want a commitment with them? is it a case of stringing them along or not wanting to hurt their feelings?

hey enigma. I see you were going where I was going with ML5.

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Oops spelled it wrong — Enigma

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“Some just aren’t wired to cater to anyone other than themselves.” Exactly what does that mean?

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Enter your comments here

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Single ~ stop acting like brand new (lol). Point blank, it means there are a lot of selfish SOBs out there (men and women) who are emotionally draining, self-absorb, whiners and relationship sabatogers. There are many antisocial individuals out there.

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Comon ~ sorry to report I didn’t make it. I was out for 5 hrs jetsetting around town with my boss (took me to lunch and visiting other other spots like a cigar bar…the aroma was a bit much) and didn’t get home until after 7:30. Was hoping to take a short nap, but couldn’t get off the couch to go when alarm went off. I was spent and already comfortable at home. Mentally, wasn’t in the mood to go to an after party and dealing with all that traffic downtown.

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And, believe it or not, I couldn’t find anyone who wanted to go with me so going solo was easy for me to stay on my couch. Comon, would have asked you, but I had no way to getting in touch w/u after leaving work.

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Morning Gang!!

I wish one of you all watched Homeland, cause it was good and had a totally unexpected twist last night! Would be fun to get someone else’s opinion on it.

On topic – It is frustrating when you realize you are seeing someone who is resistant to either committing in general or just not specifically to you. Either scenario yields the same result. I am not going to dole out the typical advice. Of course if you find the 2 of you are not on the same page with respect to the future, then some decisions need to be made. I’m talking to grown folk here with some years and some experience under their belts, not some green teens/20somethings.

I actually what to look at this from a different angle. It’s the part that actually bothers me the most when I read of such dilemnas. Say you are the one that does not want a committment for whatever reason. You’ve done your “disclaimer” at the beginning of the relationship and don’t see your mind changing on the subject. You know the person you are seeing feels differently – they want a committed relationship. But they continue to see you even though you’ve told them up front how you feel. At that point, what do you feel is the right thing to do? Do you feel once you’ve made your disclaimer, you are free and clear to continue to enjoy that persons time and affections? Do you hang around until you’ve tired of hearing that person complain, if that’s the case? Do you feel maybe you should “save” them from themselves and dump them so they can find someone that wants the same thing? I’ve heard peopel say “well I told him/her how I felt and that if they left I would understand”. Does it feel good to continue to date a person that you know may be going thru some emotional turmoil because of your disclaimer?

Just curious as to the thought process when dealing with such an issue.

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disco ~ I attempting to do more and more by myself. Just don’t like going out alone. I will because I have to, but it feels weird. Don’t get me wrong, don’t need an entourage, but another person to talk to while out would be nice.

Perhaps he’s asking if this is a date so he’ll have a feel on how many bases he could win and if he should try to steal home (lolol).

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hey kimmie. re your post. I’m the one who thinks the disclaimer is sufficient to get the person off the hook. at that point they aren’t taking advantage, manipulating, running game, nothing. they were straight up and the other party is responsible for their own part in it. if they end up with hurt feelings that’s what they get for putting their feelings out there. I know some here don’t agree but my grandma always said “See a fool, use a fool”.

leggs – dude pulls this stunt from time to time. irks me because he knows I don’t want him and because if he really wants to date me he needs to approach me about it. what he does is wait until I bring up something basic and on the most platonic level and then he wants to try to turn it into a date. please. he also lives out of town and so he said that if he came he’d have to stay over at my house. BZZZ!!! wrong answer. granted we’re friends. had he agreed to come I would have offered for him to stay over at my house however I do not like him telling me that he’s staying at my house. he’s got me stuck.

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Leggs~ Cell phone number sent. Call me next time.

disco~ However, you wanted a slump buster, this is it. Perfect candidate. He lives out of town so you don;t have to see him all the time and you can just use him for the “d”. Doesn’t have to be a date…

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disco – I understand one must be responsible for their own feelings, especially if they are told up front. That’s the only way to be I had to learn, but after some heartbreak I admit. I guess I’m trying to figure it out more from a man’s perspective. I would think it might get old after awhile, not so much fun, dealing with the strain of differing life goals like that. I’m not talking a few months, I’m talking these setups that go into the years. How do they deal with it?

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Single – Yes, you mentioned the lady you were seeing that wants kids and you don’t want anymore. My thing is how do you deal with major differences like that on a long-term basis?

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Or these words “I can come over and we can discuss it together.” UUGGH!!

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all ga-ga goo-goo – now disco you know those words do not fit you (lol). Just messing with you.

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disco~

Translation= He’s not that hot.

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CC – not that hot. no. he’s not “hot” but I give him credit. he’s a nice looking fellow, good stats on paper and good people. we’ve been friends for years. I’ve mentioned him here before. my primary issue which makes him off limits is he’s petite and secondly he’s not assertive enough for me. to be totally honest I’ll say that last night after I talked to him I had a brief moment where I thought of all the times folks said their s/o was right under their nose and they couldn’t see it. it was a very brief moment. I immediately shook it off, called a friend and talked about him irking me. lol.

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kimmie – I just love reading your posts. I was one of the girls who stuck it out when I was told from the beginning that he never wanted to get married. Thing is…he also was “crazy in love” with me (supposedly) and when the subject would come up and I’d get upset, he would dangle the carrot with a “I don’t know what the future will bring.” I was stupid to stick around waiting for so long, but was so glad in Feb when I finally decided that it was time for me to let go of him because he would never give me what I wanted. Looking back, I’m so glad he didn’t want to marry me. It would have ended up a miserable marriage!!!

Hey Leggs!!! I wanted to comment on dude asking you out without a plan. I met someone Sat night (after you left) who seems like a very nice guy. We exchanged numbers and he’s been texting me. Thing is…he’s asking when we can “hang out.” I told him Tues or Wed should be good for me and asked what we would do and he said “I don’t know…just hang out.” Then he said that he has his place to himself this weekend if I want to come over and watch a movie. I’d like to give him a shot, but I ain’t going to his house for a first “date.” He is a little younger than me and maybe doesn’t know better. His schedule is opposite mine, so it looks like it may be the weekend before we “hang out.”

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How can you spot a commitment phobe? How do you know if you are one?

gotta catch my breath.
brb

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Comon re commitment phobe, see 8:47

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disco – I know I am probably coming off confusing!LOL! I guess I am asking a few things, and admittedly mostly toward men. I don’t know of many men that would continue with a woman if he made it clear he wanted marriage and/or kids that said she didn’t want that. I mean he might hang around for awhile for the sex, but if that’s what they want a wife they go get one. Unfortunately women are the ones that will hang around, thinking we can change his mind. Or love him so hard he can’t help but want to marry us and make babies.

What I’m asking is when does that get old for a man? Unless she’s the real docile type that won’t complain for fear of running him away, does he ever tire of it? And even if she doesn’t complain or nag, the tension over the years has got to build up and be noticable.

And yes, I have known of some standup guys that would not string a woman along like that. One told me he was seeing this lady and she was good people, but he was just not the marrying kind. He said if he was, she would be the one. He broke it off so she would not be hanging onto him and could go for what she wanted. She went on and married. Dude is still single, as he said he would remain, but he said he really wanted to do right by her.

I know that might read as a fairytale to some, but there are such people in the world.

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good morning bluz – fyi “come over and watch a movie” is game. it’s code for I’m going to try to screw you when you get here. also watch out for “what are you cooking”? it’s game too. means he’s fishing for an invite so he can come to your place for a free meal and then try to screw you. lol. there’s tons of little catchphrases to watch out for.

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Kimmie, men might not say it, but some will hang around hoping she will change her mind (breaking a man law)

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Bluz- going to a guy’s house for a first date is not bad as long as you are smart about it.

1) Wear decent clothing- nothing revealing
2) Arrive at his house around 12 end the date around 7
3) Bring a dish.

I’ve done it and nothing bad happened. If anything, he loved the brownies I made and his home made lasagna was on point.

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Bluz – It does not sound like ole dude is off to a good start..You said he’s younger and it appears to be showing already.

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enigma – have you met bluz? no offense bluz. lol.

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“enigma – have you met bluz?”

No I haven’t. Is she like crazy or something?

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Say you are the one that does not want a committment for whatever reason. You’ve done your “disclaimer” at the beginning of the relationship and don’t see your mind changing on the subject. You know the person you are seeing feels differently – they want a committed relationship. But they continue to see you even though you’ve told them up front how you feel. At that point, what do you feel is the right thing to do? Do you feel once you’ve made your disclaimer, you are free and clear to continue to enjoy that persons time and affections? Do you hang around until you’ve tired of hearing that person complain, if that’s the case? Do you feel maybe you should “save” them from themselves and dump them so they can find someone that wants the same thing?

pretty much sums up the last two years of my life. wouldn’t even know where to begin shedding light for you, kimmie. it’s complidated.

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Enigma, why would you ask someone out and then ask them for suggestions?? IJS

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Single – I don’t know any real men looking for a wife that would do that, with all the women out here looking for husbands. Hang around seeing if she’ll change her mind about sex, sure all the time. And even then unless he’s a troll, he’s still probably getting some from somebody until the chosen one gives him the greenlight!LOL!!

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Hey Bluz!!

First red light is “has the place to himself”! Sorry hon, you said he’s a little younger, but he sounds like he’s in high school. Any person can be/seem “nice”! Real men and women do not “hang out”, that’s high school.

Please, upgrade your taste. And I say this with much love.

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Brat – Did you see it last night?? If not, I don’t want to give it away!

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Morning all,
Hope everyone had a good weekend.

B4 I tackle the topic I have a question re; a plan.
Not that anyone is desperate so please don’t read it that way. But obviously the idea of having a structured plan laid out beforehand doesn’t always work so well. I would think that even without a plan if a man/woman wants your company that is a great start. Assuming you’ve done your diligence and hv checks in place (nt going to his house Etc) would just winging it be so bad?

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Bluz needs to stop getting these starter men and find her a man that’s finished!!

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WD even when winging it, you have a basic plan in order, as in you plan a dinner at a place that offers a variety, you plan a movie at a 26 screen theater. Have some kind of plan.

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Enigma, as pointed out before, when you have a conversation and actually listen not just talk, you know what they like to do before you ask for the date.

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Bluz, “I’m wondering if we do “hang out,” if I’ll be footing the bill for my own food/drinks/whatever…” Umm YEA!! we just hanging out!!!

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One thing I do want to mention. This guy isn’t HOT…he’s kind of cute in a geeky way. There’s not really instant attraction, but he seems nice and seems like he’d be fun to hang with. I don’t know if he’s trying to play game, but it’s possible.

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Bluz~ Footing your own bill should not even be a question or a possiblity. You are making me like dude less and less and you just brought him up… IJS

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on T: kimmie, when we met neither of us was looking for a committed relationship but we decided to remain “open” to the idea. i told him up front i was NOT interested in co-hab of any kind where young kids were involved.

so, one year he wanted to get married … and the battle began. the right thing to do was go our separate ways so that he could find someone on his page. that lasted about three months.

yup, kimmie. i saw it last night. surprised they took him down so soon. that only means there are waaay bigger twists ahead.

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You should always be prepared by bringing your own funds to a date…Mama always said….

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leggs, on the subject of having a plan. s/o and i have gone back and forth about the difference between “considering” my likes & dislikes while still making decisions for us both. that’s a tricky thing to master, but it’s what i want from my man so … figure it out! (kidding. kinda)

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Single ~ before I had to go so quickly, I wanted to say, that a man calling a woman up asking if she would like to go out that evening then says nothing else is a complete turnoff. To not have anything in mind whether it’s a movie, dinner, jazz spot, a walk, something leaves a bitter taste around the corners of my mouth.

I hung out with Bluz/ITL at Northlake Karaoke. First time meeting them. I had a great time but did not sing. ITL has a nice voice and Bluz sounds better than I do (I can’t sing). I will tell you all this, Bluz is not as whimpy and dogged as she posts here. In person, she’s very assertive and confident. Not sure where the disconnect comes from when bloggings.

ITL is a really a black woman in a white woman’s body. She likes to party, dance, drink and chat up everyone. She’s very affable and well loved by everyone there.

Bluz ~ I did get hit on by one of the married men there. I was walking by and he said “I bet you’d look great in a bikini.” I kept on walking. Ok, I wasn’t hit on, just a lewd comment was made. I remember most of the people there, Bluz, who did you exchange numbers with??

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Leggs – I didn’t see this guy until the end of the night…he came up to me right before I was about to leave and asked if he could sit next to me because I was alone at the time.

Also Leggs – Boogie Man was all about me the night! LOL! If only he wasn’t old enough to be my granddaddy! No thank you!!!

Thanks for saying I’m not as whimpy as I sound on here. I am pretty confident out in public. I can’t believe I actually got up to sing. I was so nervous and know that I was singing off key! I told you I can’t sing well in front of people. I couldn’t even look at the crowd! I was hoping more people would join in and sing with me…

OK…dude just texted me that “there is the option of beer and a movie.” I gotta see how he drinks! That’s the bad thing about meeting a guy at a bar…you just don’t know how often he’s there. I kind of got the feeling he goes there a lot…Anyway, I told him that I’d like to see Paranormal Activity 4, so maybe we’ll do that Fri.

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Single – If she brings kids up every now and then, she is NOT fine with never having any. Trust. That’s what I wanted to avoid – having regrets and resentment later down the road. If you’ve been snipped and can’t get it reversed, it’s a moot issue. So she has to decide if she’s truly fine with it or wants to go her separate ways and explore other options.

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Brat – I was screaming!! Hubs was totally puzzled and was even talking about it as he got ready for work! He doesn’t understand why Carrie spilled the beans but I do! Brody ruined her life – ish, it’s payback time and she didn’t want to wait. I don’t blame her! Yeah, it is going to be very interesting!!!

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You got me Comon…I guess I just choose the wrong ones…

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Bluz – Maybe you two can try Fork & Screen or Buckhead Backlot for an EARLY movie and beer.

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CC – in bluz’ defense, that’s a fairly common problem. sensible women who make jacked up relationship choices. I’m sure therapists the world over are making money hand over fist because of it. just over the weekend the sex/city episode was on where carrie went to therapy and met jon bon jovi. his problem: he dumps women after sex. her problem: she picks the wrong guys (which she discovers after having sex with him). bluz isn’t alone.

kimmie – I got caught up on scandal over the weekend. I mentioned on here once that free (from bet) was my body type alter ego. when I saw elise neal I remembered that once upon a time she was too. haven’t seen her in a while though.

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OMG Sassy…will you stop with the snide remarks about queuing up violin music? We’re freakin’ talking here and I’m not boo-hooing about anything! Jeez…

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“this isn’t a new guy this is a guy that knows how leggs is, I’ve done the play it by ear dates, but there is while the plan may not be concrete, there is a basic plan in action.”

Exactly Single. I do not mind coming up with places to go or things to do. Would simply like some input from you. However, don’t rest on your laurels that you did something simply by asking me if I want to go out and that’s where it stops. Nothing planned, nothing thought about.

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Then you could try Studio Movie Grill on Holcomb Bridge. That shouldn’t be too far for either of you.

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Slim – don’t need hard liquor!!!

Comon – Forgot about Studio Movie Grill. That might be a better choice. I think I’ll plan on meeting him wherever we go…

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Bluz~ Or you could try MOvie Tavern. It’s on Lavista Rd. in Tucker. Haven’t been there but I heard it’s decent.

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Cool ya’ll…Thanks! I just looked at Movie Tavern and it seems decent.

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CC – song lyrics and movie lines. always fitting. you said “walk on by” and I thought of “keep on moving”

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disco~ I told you, great minds think alike.

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Comon – Oh yes…I will cut it short if I need to. I’m a bit skeptical as is (which I think is a good thing).

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Leggs – I still can’t believe I mustered up the confidence to get up and sing. AND…I was not drunk! I figured I’d have to be trashed to do it. Too bad you didn’t get up and do your song! One day maybe! I sure did have a great time Sat night. I thought I was only gonna stay maybe two hours, but it was so much fun!!!

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I did “Because I Got High”! I figured I would choose one that may make people laugh and I didn’t have to sing it too well!

ITL did a couple of songs…”My Give a Damn’s Busted” and “I Love Rock and Roll”

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All my friends I saw yesterday were cracking up at the thought of me singing that song! I thought it was a great choice!

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Sassy~ I see it all the time. My hubs is blue collar and I’m happier than a pig in isht, yet I meet other AA attorneys who look down on the fact that my hubs actually WORKS for a living. That’s when I’m like, well, y’all keep your lofty amibitions and sleep by yourself everynight while I go home and curl up with my partner who loves me. Let me know how that works out for you…

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CC – someone’s post earlier made me think of it but I guess I got distracted. your post reminded me though. this morning’s strawberry letter (which totally sounded like a hoax but whatever). so dude writes in saying he and his woman dated off and on for about 10 years but have been married less than a year. she works and attends school and maintains the household. he doesn’t work or do anything but play on social media sites all day. his problem is that she constantly “nags” him re his social media habits. yep. dude really thought he had a legitimate beef and wrote in questioning if he should leave her. I was thinking “please do”. lol.

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disco~ Ummm… the d must be that good?!? That is the only explanation I can think of for that! LMAO! I cain’t even do it…

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so comon’s comment brings to mind a convo we had yesterday. one which has probably been had ad nauseam on this blog too, but oh well.

is it wrong to be drawn to the well-kept, ultra fashionable, clearly “pampered” (in the best sense of the word) types, then complain if they don’t dig in, get dirty and sacrifice as the occasion demands?

awww, leggs. please tell lil sweetie that we said “hiya”. you know if you want another throwdown you need only ask.
wait. lemme think about that for a minute. he’s crossfitting now. he might shun the idea.

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disco – that sounds like my ex!!! While I worked 2 jobs and was on the board of 2 non-profits, he was on the computer all day. That’s funny that this guy is thinking about leaving her because she nags about him doing nothing! That woman should run like I should have much sooner!!!

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you know what would work though? a seafood boil instead of a fish fry!
still tastes great with cold beer.

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Lunch was good

Kimmie, we’ve had the resentment talk, and on getting my snippet reversed, um I wouldn’t have got it did, if I had even an inkling thought of having more kids.

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“Do you believe people are spending time dating you simply to be in your presence?”

Sometimes I do feel that way. Why? Because women want a man they can feel safe and comfortable. Women know I am a gentleman and will go out of my way to plan a date that makes her feel special. I once had a woman tell me she loves the way I make her feel when she is in my presence but she can not trust me when we are apart. Women will judge you by your past although I have changed a lot of my ways.

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disco ~ re: strawberry letter. No freaking way a grown a$$ man wrote that letter griping about his wife’s nagging with him doing all that dumb stuff. It might have been a real letter sent by a listener purely to vex Steve and the crew. To seriously write about sexting and texting other women while married and in front of his wife as common told me this letter was from someone sitting at home laughing. Talking about common sense. No way a man would think that was cool to do.

Bluz ~ when someone at our table slipped my song choice number into the machine (since I was hemming and hawing), most of the crowd had left. I was gonna do it (I think).

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ot this weekend I found myself looking at bridezilla and thinking this has to be a set up because there is no way in hell I would marry someone acting that crazy before we got married.

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…… and he likely ain’t got nowhere to go.
it pains me to say it, but the shiftless always seem to find sponsors.

comon, i’m more inclined to say that you gotta believe folks when they show you who they are. this particular dude we were “counseling” was wondering why his chicks don’t do anything but stand around looking cute. well, he always chooses the one chick in the crowd who aint doing nothing but standing around looking cute. hair did. nails did. bag matching shoes matching outfit.
then wonders why he can’t get her to go hiking or volunteer to cleanup a local park on a saturday morning, coz she refuses to miss her standing appt at the salon. why be surprised? you want a trophy chic, you got one.

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Kimmie, I’m guessing they must pay for the wedding and honeymoon, but even that wouldn’t be enough for me.

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is it wrong to be drawn to the well-kept, ultra fashionable, clearly “pampered” (in the best sense of the word) types, then complain if they don’t dig in, get dirty and sacrifice as the occasion demands?

Kinda sorta. Nothing wrong being wel-kept, but on occasion, I see nothing wrong getting dirty for a particular occasion. If you stay like the former sentence states, you’re missing a lot of fun.

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Single – Yeah, they are “playing” the parts a bit too well!LOL!

But on the real, hate to sound boughie, but all those Bridezilla folks look/seem a little Jerry Springer-ish & ghetto to me anyway.

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Kimmie, aren’t the most of the people on reality tv like that?

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@imswiss – Who the hell is “Killers” ? I never heard of them. What kind of band are they (rappers, rock, funk, etc.)?

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I think she said her dad was helping her pay for some of the wedding.

How sad…

y’all keep your lofty amibitions and sleep by yourself everynight while I go home and curl up with my partner who loves me. Let me know how that works out for you…

True that Comon…those are the main ones looking down their noses at the other blue collar brothers and looking at an empty bed at night. Sometimes those are the ones that reach that desperate point wen they just grab any man just to claim to have a man…

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http://open.spotify.com/album/7cuwIlQNnnwVlfosv2Zm6U

Robert — The Killers are rock — kind of throw-back, late 70’s, early 80’s sounding rock, specifically.

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Comon and Sassy repping for the us blue collar men yaaaaaayyyyyy

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Sassy~ Ain’t that the damn truth. Either that or they link up with someone who is “socially” acceptable but a complete dud otherwise. (No social skills, no personality, etc.)

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So Single, your junk only hurt for one day? How long did you wait before you “tested things out”…were you nervous?

Comon~then they wonder why after so much wasted time why things didn’t work out like they wanted it to. Human emotions are something else I tell ya……

Comon and Sassy repping for the us blue collar men yaaaaaayyyyyy

True!!

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HOLA folks!

This topic kicked me in culo. I used to say I met every comittaphobe in the world that was of the straight male species. But taking a hiatus…a man sabatical….should me that I was female version of them…with less BS and no bad intentions. Over ther years, I learned that I was experiencing the aftershocks of the earthquake of choosing the wrong men. Now at first, I had to try (still in progress) to figure out WHY I chose the losers that I did choose. I realized that I was another girl with “daddy issues”! As much as I hated the ways of my bio-dad…I chose men just like him. Not intentionally…but I just did for some reason. After realizing my problem…it made me realize that I may have come across some stand up dudes. But because of the callouses that the losers left on my heart and spirit…not even the best lotion (guys) could soften them. So of course I’d date aimlessly. Date for sport….and say I wanted a realtionship. But did I really…NO! In my eye, every dude was suspect. Not saying that they still are not. But now I at least try to see the good in a guy that shows me nothing but good. But I am also still watching my back for knives and listening to my BS-o-Meter beeps. Even now, with someone who has shown me nothing but niceness and chivalry (you know how I am about that), sometimes I hear that little voice trying to make me retreat from a nice guy because I feel something is wrong with him. I know it’s it the commit-a-phobe voice trying to sabotage me. So some how I have to find a way to make it STFU. So all of this is to say….sometimes you don’t even realize that YOU are the one that fears comittment. And you become dayum good at the blame game!

SINGLE…did you say “Starter Men”? Good one! Oh an if the the hubby that you speak of in your 1:09 post doesn;t want to get the vasectomy….I guess my snatch would be on puddy lockdown. I woudl take the pill. But we all know that is not 100%. My cousin has been pregnant 2 times…after having her tubes tied. So my family is a bunch of fertile myrtles. So of course…I tread with caution. Raincoats and Rugrat Raid are a must, since I do not want children.

“I once had a woman tell me she loves the way I make her feel when she is in my presence but she can not trust me when we are apart. Women will judge you by your past although I have changed a lot of my ways.”
ROBERT…it’s hard for a woman NOT to think of your past. Once you show what you are capable of doing, there is nothing that a woman wouldn’t put pass you. Meaning, if you were a heaux before…you can be one now just as easily. I am one who believes you are who you are. You just get better at camoflage and supression. It’s weird…men think it’s okay to dog women out when they are younger. Then when they get old…now they want to be a stand up guy. But the trouble is, they create the distrusting women that they now want to be good to. Now I am not sure of how sordid your past is…but I was just trying to put a little female insight out there.

BLUZ—save your time and money…Paranoramal SUCKED monkey b*lls!

WAIT…ITL…you sang “My Give a Damn’s Busted”? I love that song. Ms. Mesina did her thang on that song. I sing that one and “Hell on Heels” a lot. I recently did “A Sin for a Sin” and now since I sing country songs in a karaoke spot that is mostly Black & Latino (with a sprinkle of others), I am always remembered. And I can actually sing. Then at the end of the night, I have to top it off with a stupid song (with dance moves) like “Ice Ice Baby”…”Baby Got Back” etc.

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HOLA folks!

This topic kicked me in my butt. I used to say I met every comittaphobe in the world that was of the straight male species. But taking a hiatus…a man sabatical….should me that I was female version of them…with less BS and no bad intentions. Over ther years, I learned that I was experiencing the aftershocks of the earthquake of choosing the wrong men. Now at first, I had to try (still in progress) to figure out WHY I chose the losers that I did choose. I realized that I was another girl with “daddy issues”! As much as I hated the ways of my bio-dad…I chose men just like him. Not intentionally…but I just did for some reason. After realizing my problem…it made me realize that I may have come across some stand up dudes. But because of the callouses that the losers left on my heart and spirit…not even the best lotion (guys) could soften them. So of course I’d date aimlessly. Date for sport….and say I wanted a realtionship. But did I really…NO! In my eye, every dude was suspect. Not saying that they still are not. But now I at least try to see the good in a guy that shows me nothing but good. But I am also still watching my back for knives and listening to my BS-o-Meter beeps. Even now, with someone who has shown me nothing but niceness and chivalry (you know how I am about that), sometimes I hear that little voice trying to make me retreat from a nice guy because I feel something is wrong with him. I know it’s it the commit-a-phobe voice trying to sabotage me. So some how I have to find a way to make it STFU. So all of this is to say….sometimes you don’t even realize that YOU are the one that fears comittment. And you become dayum good at the blame game!

SINGLE…did you say “Starter Men”? Good one! Oh an if the the hubby that you speak of in your 1:09 post doesn;t want to get the vasectomy….I guess my snatch would be on puddy lockdown. I woudl take the pill. But we all know that is not 100%. My cousin has been pregnant 2 times…after having her tubes tied. So my family is a bunch of fertile myrtles. So of course…I tread with caution. Raincoats and Rugrat Raid are a must, since I do not want children.

“I once had a woman tell me she loves the way I make her feel when she is in my presence but she can not trust me when we are apart. Women will judge you by your past although I have changed a lot of my ways.”
ROBERT…it’s hard for a woman NOT to think of your past. Once you show what you are capable of doing, there is nothing that a woman wouldn’t put pass you. Meaning, if you were a heaux before…you can be one now just as easily. I am one who believes you are who you are. You just get better at camoflage and supression. It’s weird…men think it’s okay to dog women out when they are younger. Then when they get old…now they want to be a stand up guy. But the trouble is, they create the distrusting women that they now want to be good to. Now I am not sure of how sordid your past is…but I was just trying to put a little female insight out there.

BLUZ—save your time and money…Paranoramal SUCKED monkey b*lls!

WAIT…ITL…you sang “My Give a Damn’s Busted”? I love that song. Ms. Mesina did her thang on that song. I sing that one and “Hell on Heels” a lot. I recently did “A Sin for a Sin” and now since I sing country songs in a karaoke spot that is mostly Black & Latino (with a sprinkle of others), I am always remembered. And I can actually sing. Then at the end of the night, I have to top it off with a stupid song (with dance moves) like “Ice Ice Baby”…”Baby Got Back” etc.

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Sassy, didn’t have a steady at the time so it was well healed by time I got to test it out.

CZ you know how most men are when it comes to pain, it may be something else, but you know when most get a cold they act like it’s the end off the world.

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“if a dude stands staunch on not having it done, there’s a reason besides fear that he’s not speaking on.”

I was thinking the same thing

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brat – I agree that the shiftless tend to find sponsors. still he’s got 10 years invested in that one. unless he’s been using his social media time to line something else up he might want to stay put.

brat – re men and vasectomies. what? most of the ones I know personally would rather you stabbed them in their eyeballs. they don’t even like to talk about it. go figure.

S/H – well. never mind. no comment. represent represent.

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unless he’s been using his social media time to line something else up he might want to stay put.

We all know that he is lining up some strange on his social media time. That’s what all moochers do. They are constantly looking for the next meal ticket or a bigger payday.

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swiss – and then there’s that rare exception, the man who just can’t function outside of a relationship. I’ve met a few. I am related to a couple of them. guys that are almost never ever ever single.

also re men and vasectomies. naturally it’s the stand up guys that pay hella child support who see the logic behind doing it. the guys with 10, 12, 15 kids aren’t sweating child support and aren’t letting anyone near their stuff besides potential future baby mommas. lol.

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CC – I was just talking to someone the other day about how easy it is for men to find someone to live off of. literally move in and be taken care of. while there are chicks out there with mad game the chick with mad game might have a man paying her rent/bills/etc but you don’t hear about men taking in women nearly as much as women taking in men.

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single, i do understand that a dude can be a big baby in the comfort and safety of his own home. but i don’t understand a “man” refusing to endure pain; finding it more acceptable that his woman continue filling her body with drugs or undergo a much more dangerous surgery herself. i mean damn!

what if i insisted we had to adopt (or have no kids at all) because i don’t feel like enduring childbirth nor the havoc it will wreak on my body?

disco, i’m not saying any man out there is ok with it. i’m sure they’d prefer ANY alternative, but if it comes down to it and you flat out refuse … strictly out of fear?!? man, f*ck that!

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I just can’t imagine why any dude would be nervous about being sliced & diced around his w@ng & ballz…

Uniballer….I couldn’t imagine why either

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Mamba/Sassy ~ I stay clear of irresponsible men, like my sperm donor.

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Well, if you end up with a whole bunch of kids you have to support, you’re going to work yourself to death. Therefore, vasectomy should be a more palatable option.

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Rather, I TRY to stay clear…

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I want another child one day. i’m just scared the baby might try to kill me like the first one

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disco ~ I thought I posted about women couldn’t get their tubes w/o their husband’s consent. Pissed me off when my doctor told me that mess.

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Leggs/disco~ The laws vary from state to state and based on a woman’s age and health concerns.

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I can usnderstand that. I mean what if she wanted to have children and the husband was doing the snip snip behind her back.

I don’t know about you but I would be ticked

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Leggs — If by “rhythm method” you mean pulling out a shooting on her t!ts/azz/face, then yes.

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snip snip behind your spouse’s back is just wrong.

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cz…de nada mami

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I meant PLACE!!!!!

Freudian slip

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I’ve never understood the wanteing to shoot on the face, t!ts or azz either. What’s with that?

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what is the fascination with wanting to shoot all over the face
conquering, domination and marking territory.
same fascination they have with every damn thing they do.

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I can only speak for myself on that one — it’s not that there’s any fascination with it; it’s just that I 1) prefer the fell of bare-back to being strapped up, 2) don’t (or, I should say didn’t in the past) want to knock the chick up, and 3) since I’m pulling out & it’s got to go somewhere, it might as well go somewhere good…

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brat – all I could think about was little boys pee-ing in the snow. in particular writing their names. lol. also my son went through a phase when he was about 6 or 7 where he would literally go outside (from inside mind you!!!!) to pee.

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LOL Leggs at my slip

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“Outside, the boy doesn’t have to worry about being yelled at for not putting the seat down or peeing all over the toilet”

Man I am so glad the boy doesn’t pee all over the place. And if there is an occasional accident, he knows how to clean up.

I trained him well.

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swiss – believe it or not I have never ever fussed at any man for leaving the toilet seat up. never, not once. frankly, I’m of the opinion that the woman who complains needs only to watch where she’s going. how hard is it? now I will fuss up a storm about the person who doesn’t flush but I’ll never complain about the position of the toilet seat. I just never understood that at all.

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Disco- I thought about what you posted and realized that men do not ask women to raise the seat, so why should we really ask them to lower it?

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Hush Engima! You’re jumping ship with no life jacket (lol).

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disco, for the most part i have always felt as you said in your 2:47 post.
until that one night that is just didn’t feel like turning on the bathroom light.

i still didn’t fuss at him though, coz he’s usually very thoughtful about that sort of thing.
it’s just funny that the one time he didn’t bother was also the one time i didn’t bother.

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random thoughts I think about: If a guy is hitting me up to help him find a job, would it be wrong of me to ask him to help me find a husband?

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LOL Leggs

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I just don’t like the “look” of the raised toilet seat. – That’s why I’m thinking kimmie. Not necessarily up or down, fall in don’t fall in, but aesthetically, it simply looks better with the seat down!

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I bet I would make millions if I patented an automatic toilet seat that went up down with the simple press of a button

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My contribution to today’s topic

http://blackgirlsareeasy.com/2012/07/real-boyfriend.html

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Enigma~ If you find him a job maybe he can BE the husband… IJS

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S/H – we finally disagree. lol. enigma – I say have at it. you can ask him to help you find a husband. it’s not likely to yield results but there is certainly no harm in asking. I’ve actually been toying around with the idea of having a “find disco a man” operation. yep. I know it sounds crazy but I’m working out the details in my head. think I’ll have a party at home for my local friends and maybe come up with some guidelines/incentives for my out of town friends. it takes a village. lol.

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I actually once asked a good guy friend to not help me find a husband, but just “introduce” me to someone nice he knew. He’s a great guy himself and married and sounded like he knew like-minded men.

Boy, was that a mistake! I didn’t even want to meet the old fogey he was trying to set me up with, at least 15 years older. I never have liked older men. I told him thanks but no thanks!!

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enigma, they have those. not even a button, just a sensor. problem is, it’s not gender specific.
rim comes down when you step in the room/stall. then goes up with the auto flush.

i prefer the lid just be down. but in the event i should walk in and it’s up
all i wanna see is pretty blue water. please and thank you.

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Common, he’s already married

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Even better If you build him, you will come

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I always keep the lid down on the toilet as well and had to “train” my ex to do that. Ya’ll are gonna laugh, but my cat is so fat that he uses the toilet to get up on the bathroom sink. I’ve seen him almost fall straight in because the lid was left up! Also…it just looks better when it’s all closed…

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kimmie – your post re old dude is why my “party” plans are still in the works. I have some friends whose opinions I don’t trust one bit in such matters and they know it. still I’m going on the fact that everyone lives/works in different circles. who knows, there could be someone great just one or two degrees of separation away. I met a guy at a quinceanera earlier this year. I’d been to half a dozen events where I conceivably could have met him but we never crossed paths. I’d even spent Christmas last year with his sister’s family he just wasn’t there. re the matchmaking parties. i actually had a pretty successful “each one bring one” dinner party a few years back. not going for that this time though.

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I once asked a friend who’s married to introduce me to good single men he know.

Why did he only mention his friends that have multiple baby mommas.

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Enigma – I’m just clowning. I see nothing wrong with asking him if he knows of anyone nice. A lot of articles I’ve read on dating & relationships suggest doing just that. A lot of folks meet thru others, and not always thru good friends.

There is actually a lady I am friends with “thru another friend” that used to work in the department near mine. She has introduced 4 couples that have married. A lady on my staff met her husband thru her! She just seems to know who might work together. One of the couples got married a few weekends ago. It really is amazing.

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How u do that Swiss,not prego her and u not sniped?
Withdrawal??

Hmm ain’t many men who strong enough to pull it out when they reach the peak….
What were u suggesting Swiss?

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Kimmie- can your friend help me

LOL Single, you are right- forgot to be specific

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In the future, you will be able to buy your mate from the department store

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this is the “swap meet” party we’ve blogged about before. throw a party where everyone brings an eligible ex to pair up with someone else.

the older we get, the less likely any potential mates won’t already be parents.

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In the future, you will be able to buy your mate from the department store you mean I won’t have to order her from Russia, or the Dominican Republic anymore (LOL)

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Enigma – She’s working on 3 friends of mine. I told her she needs to start charging!LOL! will she give refunds if they get divorced IJS

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So, disco, when you coming to the A? This is where you can find a man, build a man, be a man, or whatever you want.

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“the older we get, the less likely any potential mates won’t already be parents”

Since becoming a parent, I think I’ve only dated one guy with a kid. Everyone else didn’t have kids. I’m no spring chicken either.

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LOL At Single’s 3:27

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CC – at one point I was down there like twice a month. now it’s been about 3 years since I’ve been that way. I don’t know when I’ll get down there.

S/H – one lesbian is dating a shorter chick, the other one is dating a taller chick. lol.

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Single – So they can “feel like a man”!! LOL!! I crack myself up sometimes!!

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Single – Do you think you’d be open to one of those mailorder brides?

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Kimmie yea it does make me feel like a man when I climb a tall chick (LOL)

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Kimmie, no they cost to much, I aint buying the cow (LOL)

Enigma, it all depends on who’s taking the D (naw they just some real freaks) (LOL)

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If a lesbian dresses like a man and dates a man that dress like a woman- does that still mean they’re gay

Yes. If there are two vajayjays they are still gay. Don’t care how you slice it…

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Comon, the woMAN doesn’t want any kind of man she’s more manly than any man, she wants a woman

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I once saw taxi cab confessions where a straight man was now dating a woman whom was born a man

To him, it was the same as dating a natural born woman

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Enigma, Marco

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okay, there’s one

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If two lesbians have a kid, how do they decide which one is the dad?

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I need a lawn guy in West Atlanta/ AUC area. Anybody have any recommendations?

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The guy giving the sperm is the dad, while the baby has two mothers.

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blog gents – any of you willing to admit that a lesbian pulled a hotter chick than you pulled?

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Disco, yes I am, hell I’ve seen some where I was drooling over both of them!!!

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Yo….how did yall get to this subject…hope Monday has been good for yall, mine has been way too busy.

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Disco, I was sitting in a restaurant one night waiting for our table, and 2 of them were seated in front of me, I was looking because they were gorgeous, well they got closer and kissed to let me know they were a couple and of course I stopped looking then (LOL)

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Enigma, no more than when you see a guy with a hot woman (LOL)

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I became a Lesbian in the 1998. That was a great year.

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Are you a lesbian Enigma??

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Well….he was my lawn guy, but after he got me bi-weekly cleaning service, I figured the least I could do was get him out of the yard. So, I’m looking for someone to take over and relieve him of that chore.

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Mrs. SexyCool, wow, must be nice

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no. I like hot dogs

Don’t know why, but for some reason this made me lol…

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Hmmm so you don’t do a good enough job with the cleaning, (LOL) IJK

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weenies….

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ding-a-lings…

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My thought – “Hot dogs are my favorite food. Too bad I can’t eat them as much as I’d like.” I aint touching that one (LOL)

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MrsSC~ You trippin! Somehow, I think your newlywed self is getting all the hot dog you can handle at the moment…

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Enigma…just saw your post about the Bottle Bar…you really should have come in…by 8, drinks were moving and conversations were getting a liitle louder, by 10, it was a full and people were dancing, by 12….it was in full club mode!

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Jake- what’s the crowd like?

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“When they raise the kid, the kid has two moms. One of my son’s little girlfriends has two moms. Must admit it was very weird for me the first time I met them… ”

Common- did your son ever ask questions? How would you explain it?

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It was a professional/mixed crowd…urban/pop music…none to young, none to old, I’d place the median age at 31, +/- 5years

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hmmmm

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On the far ends…22 to 45

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Anybody been to the events at Skyyboxx? How are those?

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supposedly an elementary school aged boy asked his teacher if “marriage was for white people”.

I can see why he could think that. Most wedding ads feature caucasions.
I try not to think that way about myself, but sometimes, it’s hard not to

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ENIGMA….the reason why more Black women are single is because more Black Men are either running from marriage like the black plague. Or they are running towards other races because somewhere in their mind they were informed that everything but Black is better. And Black women have always taught to be with Black men…therefore making the dating pool a lot smaller.

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There is also the little matter of too many Black women not making commitment a requirement.

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speaking of married v. shacking. I know I recently mentioned my aunt/uncle who got married a few years ago after living together for close to 30 years. when they got married, I like many others was surprised, not because they got married but because I simply assumed they already were.

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Cosign on MrsSC’s 4:36. Also, black women tend to put up with a lot less “mess” on the whole (no offense to anyone) A lot of times in cross racial dating, their women aren’t as wise to the game that our men can run. That’s changing, but for right now it’s still mostly true. Also, they are willing to be more “ride or die” than we are. It’s a difference in how we’re raised.

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I don’t think black men are running from marriage. A friend of mine is a wedding planner that states most of.the weddings she did this summer were for black couples

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