Are you dating a commitment phobe?
No one wants to waste their time in dating. If you want to date someone who actually wants a relationship, then you have to pay attention to certain things. Some people are commitment phobes and unfortunately they don’t walk around with a sign on their forehead, identifying them as such.
To be fair, though, many people don’t even realize they are actively avoiding commitment. It’s buried deep in other behaviors such as being unreasonably picky, sabotaging things that feel too real/good, or those disappearing acts that are oh so sexy.
Some people are happier not being in a committed relationship. That is perfectly fine, of course, but you have to be honest about it. Do you believe people are spending time dating you simply to be in your presence? They could be!
Just be clear that you don’t want anything serious – and don’t say “right now” because that is emotional terrorism. Nothing is worse than thinking someone is going to change their mind and holding on to false hope they will.
How can you spot a commitment phobe? How do you know if you are one?
Happy Monday!
By Wise Diva, Misadventures in Atlanta Dating Blog
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369 comments Add your comment
Leggs
October 22nd, 2012
1:01 pm
disco ~ re: strawberry letter. No freaking way a grown a$$ man wrote that letter griping about his wife’s nagging with him doing all that dumb stuff. It might have been a real letter sent by a listener purely to vex Steve and the crew. To seriously write about sexting and texting other women while married and in front of his wife as common told me this letter was from someone sitting at home laughing. Talking about common sense. No way a man would think that was cool to do.
Bluz ~ when someone at our table slipped my song choice number into the machine (since I was hemming and hawing), most of the crowd had left. I was gonna do it (I think).
kimmie
October 22nd, 2012
1:01 pm
Single – First of all, what did you have for lunch? I need some ideas!
I know of one guy that actually got his reversed. I heard though, after like 7 years it’s not reversable. Anyway, I’m with you, I don’t see going thru something like that only to re-do it. I can hardly stand a shot, much less going under the knife!
As for resentment & regrets – just don’t want either years down the road when it’s too late. I know this sweet lady pushing 70 that “went along” with her hubs and still regrets it. She said she’s made peace with it, but it’s kinda sad.
Single and Happy
October 22nd, 2012
1:02 pm
ot this weekend I found myself looking at bridezilla and thinking this has to be a set up because there is no way in hell I would marry someone acting that crazy before we got married.
kimmie
October 22nd, 2012
1:05 pm
I always wondered about Bridezilla too. I think it’s got to be set up & wonder how much they are paid.
czBrat ♀ ♫•*¨*•Liviiing Singllle•*¨*•♫♪
October 22nd, 2012
1:06 pm
…… and he likely ain’t got nowhere to go.
it pains me to say it, but the shiftless always seem to find sponsors.
comon, i’m more inclined to say that you gotta believe folks when they show you who they are. this particular dude we were “counseling” was wondering why his chicks don’t do anything but stand around looking cute. well, he always chooses the one chick in the crowd who aint doing nothing but standing around looking cute. hair did. nails did. bag matching shoes matching outfit.
then wonders why he can’t get her to go hiking or volunteer to cleanup a local park on a saturday morning, coz she refuses to miss her standing appt at the salon. why be surprised? you want a trophy chic, you got one.
Single and Happy
October 22nd, 2012
1:09 pm
Kimmie I had some artery clogging sausage gravy and biscuits.
I would rather go under the knife than take a shot. I can’t stand needles. Getting it wasn’t that bad, the worst part was taking the shot, (LOL) I had laser.
Speaking which, ladies if you’ve had 2 difficult pregnancies and you and your husband decides you didn’t want to risk a 3rd, but he’s not open to getting a vasectomy because he’s scared, what would you think?
Single and Happy
October 22nd, 2012
1:10 pm
Kimmie, I’m guessing they must pay for the wedding and honeymoon, but even that wouldn’t be enough for me.
kimmie
October 22nd, 2012
1:13 pm
Single – It’s hard to say what you would think or do until you’re faced with that situation. We would just cross that bridge when we got to it.
Leggs
October 22nd, 2012
1:16 pm
is it wrong to be drawn to the well-kept, ultra fashionable, clearly “pampered” (in the best sense of the word) types, then complain if they don’t dig in, get dirty and sacrifice as the occasion demands?
Kinda sorta. Nothing wrong being wel-kept, but on occasion, I see nothing wrong getting dirty for a particular occasion. If you stay like the former sentence states, you’re missing a lot of fun.
i'm swiss
October 22nd, 2012
1:16 pm
Afternoon, blog babes (and bros)… Hope everyone had a great weekend.
Totally off topic: Have I mentioned the new Killers album is freaking amazing? Especially digging this tune..
“Be still
Wild and young
Long may your innocence reign
Like shells on the shore
And may your limits be unknown
And may your efforts be your own
If you ever feel you can’t take it anymore
Don’t break character
You’ve got a lot of heart
Is this real or just a dream?
Rise up like the sun
Labor till the work is done…”
kimmie
October 22nd, 2012
1:17 pm
Single – Yeah, they are “playing” the parts a bit too well!LOL!
But on the real, hate to sound boughie, but all those Bridezilla folks look/seem a little Jerry Springer-ish & ghetto to me anyway.
Leggs
October 22nd, 2012
1:18 pm
czB ~ I’m down with a seafood boil. My neighbor does one every January 2nd. After the second year, I realize their’s is too spicy for my palate. Is yours fiery spicey???
Single and Happy
October 22nd, 2012
1:20 pm
Kimmie, aren’t the most of the people on reality tv like that?
czBrat ♀ ♫•*¨*•Liviiing Singllle•*¨*•♫♪
October 22nd, 2012
1:22 pm
but he’s not open to getting a vasectomy because he’s scared,
i can’t imagine any man being more fearful of a medical procedure than an unplanned child.
i’d question the real reason he doesn’t want to get snipped.
i know, leggs. could be the way i’m wording it, but i know we’ve blogged before about falling for the folk that believe themselves to be royalty then expecting them to work and play like common drones.
Robert
October 22nd, 2012
1:23 pm
@imswiss – Who the hell is “Killers” ? I never heard of them. What kind of band are they (rappers, rock, funk, etc.)?
Single and Happy
October 22nd, 2012
1:25 pm
CZ they’re married, and both of their kids were unplanned. He’s okay with here getting her tubes tied, but like most men when you say something about them getting a vasectomy, they’re more scared that it may hurt their manhood, or they’re scared of the pain.
Sassy Me...PYT ;-)
October 22nd, 2012
1:27 pm
I think she said her dad was helping her pay for some of the wedding.
How sad…
y’all keep your lofty amibitions and sleep by yourself everynight while I go home and curl up with my partner who loves me. Let me know how that works out for you…
True that Comon…those are the main ones looking down their noses at the other blue collar brothers and looking at an empty bed at night. Sometimes those are the ones that reach that desperate point wen they just grab any man just to claim to have a man…
Leggs
October 22nd, 2012
1:30 pm
“had 2 difficult pregnancies and you and your husband decides you didn’t want to risk a 3rd, but he’s not open to getting a vasectomy because he’s scared, what would you think? – I would think sex will be limited until we find something a little more reliable that that rubber balloon called a condom. Depending on her age, she may not be able to take BC. So, although he may be scared to have a vasectomy, I’m a tad bit more afraid of dying while having a 3rd baby and really don’t relish going through that pain again. Vasectomy, limited sex, always using a condom, no flesh to flesh can be irritating (I don’t rightly know).
i'm swiss
October 22nd, 2012
1:33 pm
http://open.spotify.com/album/7cuwIlQNnnwVlfosv2Zm6U
Robert — The Killers are rock — kind of throw-back, late 70’s, early 80’s sounding rock, specifically.
Sassy Me...PYT ;-)
October 22nd, 2012
1:33 pm
when you say something about them getting a vasectomy, they’re more scared that it may hurt their manhood, or they’re scared of the pain.
I guess they figure their junk might not work right or something…I’ve noticed more brothers getting on the bandwagon,though. The thought behind that is paying for that procedure once and NOT payig child support for 18+ years. At least that’s what the guys that have had it done have told me…makes sense but if they wrapped it up..that’d cost even less…idk
Single and Happy
October 22nd, 2012
1:34 pm
Comon and Sassy repping for the us blue collar men yaaaaaayyyyyy
Single and Happy
October 22nd, 2012
1:36 pm
Sassy that’s what it was with me, and it was only one day of discomfort compared to 18 years of discomfort (LOL)
Comon ¢
October 22nd, 2012
1:37 pm
Sassy~ Ain’t that the damn truth. Either that or they link up with someone who is “socially” acceptable but a complete dud otherwise. (No social skills, no personality, etc.)
i'm swiss
October 22nd, 2012
1:45 pm
Totally off topic (again): Man, what a perfect weekend for kicking ass on the tennis court!
My ALTA team wrapped up the division + home court throughout the playoffs Saturday (including a hard-fought win at line 1 for your boy), followed by singles on Sunday. First season at a higher level in my singles league — 5 matches so far, 5 3-setters, 5 wins, including 2 redemption tour victories over dudes who had beaten me in previous seasons.
So, at least I had some sporting glory to cling to, considering my DAWGS looked like sh!t yet again. I’m afraid it’s gonna get ugly Saturday…
Sassy Me...PYT ;-)
October 22nd, 2012
1:46 pm
So Single, your junk only hurt for one day? How long did you wait before you “tested things out”…were you nervous?
Comon~then they wonder why after so much wasted time why things didn’t work out like they wanted it to. Human emotions are something else I tell ya……
Comon and Sassy repping for the us blue collar men yaaaaaayyyyyy
True!!
czBrat ♀ ♫•*¨*•Liviiing Singllle•*¨*•♫♪
October 22nd, 2012
1:46 pm
and it was only one day of discomfort compared to 18 years of discomfort
and that’s my point, single. what MAN out there cannot momentarily overcome a fear in the interest of the greater good. especially when it comes to his family?
if a dude stands staunch on not having it done, there’s a reason besides fear that he’s not speaking on.
Will the Real Black Mamba Please Stand Up
October 22nd, 2012
1:49 pm
HOLA folks!
This topic kicked me in culo. I used to say I met every comittaphobe in the world that was of the straight male species. But taking a hiatus…a man sabatical….should me that I was female version of them…with less BS and no bad intentions. Over ther years, I learned that I was experiencing the aftershocks of the earthquake of choosing the wrong men. Now at first, I had to try (still in progress) to figure out WHY I chose the losers that I did choose. I realized that I was another girl with “daddy issues”! As much as I hated the ways of my bio-dad…I chose men just like him. Not intentionally…but I just did for some reason. After realizing my problem…it made me realize that I may have come across some stand up dudes. But because of the callouses that the losers left on my heart and spirit…not even the best lotion (guys) could soften them. So of course I’d date aimlessly. Date for sport….and say I wanted a realtionship. But did I really…NO! In my eye, every dude was suspect. Not saying that they still are not. But now I at least try to see the good in a guy that shows me nothing but good. But I am also still watching my back for knives and listening to my BS-o-Meter beeps. Even now, with someone who has shown me nothing but niceness and chivalry (you know how I am about that), sometimes I hear that little voice trying to make me retreat from a nice guy because I feel something is wrong with him. I know it’s it the commit-a-phobe voice trying to sabotage me. So some how I have to find a way to make it STFU. So all of this is to say….sometimes you don’t even realize that YOU are the one that fears comittment. And you become dayum good at the blame game!
SINGLE…did you say “Starter Men”? Good one! Oh an if the the hubby that you speak of in your 1:09 post doesn;t want to get the vasectomy….I guess my snatch would be on puddy lockdown. I woudl take the pill. But we all know that is not 100%. My cousin has been pregnant 2 times…after having her tubes tied. So my family is a bunch of fertile myrtles. So of course…I tread with caution. Raincoats and Rugrat Raid are a must, since I do not want children.
“I once had a woman tell me she loves the way I make her feel when she is in my presence but she can not trust me when we are apart. Women will judge you by your past although I have changed a lot of my ways.”
ROBERT…it’s hard for a woman NOT to think of your past. Once you show what you are capable of doing, there is nothing that a woman wouldn’t put pass you. Meaning, if you were a heaux before…you can be one now just as easily. I am one who believes you are who you are. You just get better at camoflage and supression. It’s weird…men think it’s okay to dog women out when they are younger. Then when they get old…now they want to be a stand up guy. But the trouble is, they create the distrusting women that they now want to be good to. Now I am not sure of how sordid your past is…but I was just trying to put a little female insight out there.
BLUZ—save your time and money…Paranoramal SUCKED monkey b*lls!
WAIT…ITL…you sang “My Give a Damn’s Busted”? I love that song. Ms. Mesina did her thang on that song. I sing that one and “Hell on Heels” a lot. I recently did “A Sin for a Sin” and now since I sing country songs in a karaoke spot that is mostly Black & Latino (with a sprinkle of others), I am always remembered. And I can actually sing. Then at the end of the night, I have to top it off with a stupid song (with dance moves) like “Ice Ice Baby”…”Baby Got Back” etc.
Comon ¢
October 22nd, 2012
1:51 pm
S/H~ I always rep for the BCM. I love me some working men…
Will the Real Black Mamba Please Stand Up
October 22nd, 2012
1:51 pm
HOLA folks!
This topic kicked me in my butt. I used to say I met every comittaphobe in the world that was of the straight male species. But taking a hiatus…a man sabatical….should me that I was female version of them…with less BS and no bad intentions. Over ther years, I learned that I was experiencing the aftershocks of the earthquake of choosing the wrong men. Now at first, I had to try (still in progress) to figure out WHY I chose the losers that I did choose. I realized that I was another girl with “daddy issues”! As much as I hated the ways of my bio-dad…I chose men just like him. Not intentionally…but I just did for some reason. After realizing my problem…it made me realize that I may have come across some stand up dudes. But because of the callouses that the losers left on my heart and spirit…not even the best lotion (guys) could soften them. So of course I’d date aimlessly. Date for sport….and say I wanted a realtionship. But did I really…NO! In my eye, every dude was suspect. Not saying that they still are not. But now I at least try to see the good in a guy that shows me nothing but good. But I am also still watching my back for knives and listening to my BS-o-Meter beeps. Even now, with someone who has shown me nothing but niceness and chivalry (you know how I am about that), sometimes I hear that little voice trying to make me retreat from a nice guy because I feel something is wrong with him. I know it’s it the commit-a-phobe voice trying to sabotage me. So some how I have to find a way to make it STFU. So all of this is to say….sometimes you don’t even realize that YOU are the one that fears comittment. And you become dayum good at the blame game!
SINGLE…did you say “Starter Men”? Good one! Oh an if the the hubby that you speak of in your 1:09 post doesn;t want to get the vasectomy….I guess my snatch would be on puddy lockdown. I woudl take the pill. But we all know that is not 100%. My cousin has been pregnant 2 times…after having her tubes tied. So my family is a bunch of fertile myrtles. So of course…I tread with caution. Raincoats and Rugrat Raid are a must, since I do not want children.
“I once had a woman tell me she loves the way I make her feel when she is in my presence but she can not trust me when we are apart. Women will judge you by your past although I have changed a lot of my ways.”
ROBERT…it’s hard for a woman NOT to think of your past. Once you show what you are capable of doing, there is nothing that a woman wouldn’t put pass you. Meaning, if you were a heaux before…you can be one now just as easily. I am one who believes you are who you are. You just get better at camoflage and supression. It’s weird…men think it’s okay to dog women out when they are younger. Then when they get old…now they want to be a stand up guy. But the trouble is, they create the distrusting women that they now want to be good to. Now I am not sure of how sordid your past is…but I was just trying to put a little female insight out there.
BLUZ—save your time and money…Paranoramal SUCKED monkey b*lls!
WAIT…ITL…you sang “My Give a Damn’s Busted”? I love that song. Ms. Mesina did her thang on that song. I sing that one and “Hell on Heels” a lot. I recently did “A Sin for a Sin” and now since I sing country songs in a karaoke spot that is mostly Black & Latino (with a sprinkle of others), I am always remembered. And I can actually sing. Then at the end of the night, I have to top it off with a stupid song (with dance moves) like “Ice Ice Baby”…”Baby Got Back” etc.
Exiled!
October 22nd, 2012
1:54 pm
Why commit when the jersey got free milk!
Single and Happy
October 22nd, 2012
1:55 pm
Sassy, didn’t have a steady at the time so it was well healed by time I got to test it out.
CZ you know how most men are when it comes to pain, it may be something else, but you know when most get a cold they act like it’s the end off the world.
Leggs
October 22nd, 2012
1:56 pm
Dang, Mamba….pls pay a fine of $187.16 for that post. Girl, you haven’t changed!
Enigma
October 22nd, 2012
1:56 pm
“if a dude stands staunch on not having it done, there’s a reason besides fear that he’s not speaking on.”
I was thinking the same thing
i'm swiss
October 22nd, 2012
2:03 pm
On topic:
Pretty sure this has been tossed out the before by several (including myself), but in general, no guy is out there looking for a relationship. We just aren’t wired that way. We only want relationships when we meet a girl we don’t want to live without and we want to make sure we get her on lockdown. If a guy is telling you he’s not looking for a relationship, that means he doesn’t want a relationship with you, and that’s not likely to ever change — at least not with you. When he meets someone that he really does want, he’ll be open to commitment.
disco
October 22nd, 2012
2:08 pm
brat – I agree that the shiftless tend to find sponsors. still he’s got 10 years invested in that one. unless he’s been using his social media time to line something else up he might want to stay put.
brat – re men and vasectomies. what? most of the ones I know personally would rather you stabbed them in their eyeballs. they don’t even like to talk about it. go figure.
S/H – well. never mind. no comment. represent represent.
i'm swiss
October 22nd, 2012
2:11 pm
Gosh, I just can’t imagine why any dude would be nervous about being sliced & diced around his w@ng & ballz…
Comon ¢
October 22nd, 2012
2:12 pm
unless he’s been using his social media time to line something else up he might want to stay put.
We all know that he is lining up some strange on his social media time. That’s what all moochers do. They are constantly looking for the next meal ticket or a bigger payday.
Comon ¢
October 22nd, 2012
2:13 pm
swiss~ You’re a one ball wonder and you didn’t seem to have any problems making a baby… IJS
disco
October 22nd, 2012
2:13 pm
swiss – and then there’s that rare exception, the man who just can’t function outside of a relationship. I’ve met a few. I am related to a couple of them. guys that are almost never ever ever single.
also re men and vasectomies. naturally it’s the stand up guys that pay hella child support who see the logic behind doing it. the guys with 10, 12, 15 kids aren’t sweating child support and aren’t letting anyone near their stuff besides potential future baby mommas. lol.
Enigma
October 22nd, 2012
2:14 pm
It’s a lot easier from a guy to heal than for a women to heal from that kind of surgery.
This may sound sexist but I think the guy should do it. It’s fair- we birthed the babies and will require a hospital stay if we get snipped.
Guys can be in and out afterwards.
disco
October 22nd, 2012
2:16 pm
CC – I was just talking to someone the other day about how easy it is for men to find someone to live off of. literally move in and be taken care of. while there are chicks out there with mad game the chick with mad game might have a man paying her rent/bills/etc but you don’t hear about men taking in women nearly as much as women taking in men.
Sassy Me...PYT ;-)
October 22nd, 2012
2:16 pm
. I realized that I was another girl with “daddy issues”! As much as I hated the ways of my bio-dad…I chose men just like him. Not intentionally…but I just did for some reason.
This is something I continue to struggle with as well…I’ve realized the kind of men I chose and what they had in common with my sperm donor and I make very conscious efforts to avoid them. I would get “side tracked” once in a while but I think I’m doing good now.
Raincoats and Rugrat Raid are a must, since I do not want children.
I sooo cosign…
czBrat ♀ ♫•*¨*•Liviiing Singllle•*¨*•♫♪
October 22nd, 2012
2:17 pm
single, i do understand that a dude can be a big baby in the comfort and safety of his own home. but i don’t understand a “man” refusing to endure pain; finding it more acceptable that his woman continue filling her body with drugs or undergo a much more dangerous surgery herself. i mean damn!
what if i insisted we had to adopt (or have no kids at all) because i don’t feel like enduring childbirth nor the havoc it will wreak on my body?
disco, i’m not saying any man out there is ok with it. i’m sure they’d prefer ANY alternative, but if it comes down to it and you flat out refuse … strictly out of fear?!? man, f*ck that!
i'm swiss
October 22nd, 2012
2:17 pm
Comon — True, but my surgery there wasn’t exactly elective. In my case, it was a choice between the knife or dying. So, the knife was a more palatable option.
Sassy Me...PYT ;-)
October 22nd, 2012
2:17 pm
I just can’t imagine why any dude would be nervous about being sliced & diced around his w@ng & ballz…
Uniballer….I couldn’t imagine why either
Sassy Me...PYT ;-)
October 22nd, 2012
2:19 pm
Nice post cz…
Leggs
October 22nd, 2012
2:20 pm
Mamba/Sassy ~ I stay clear of irresponsible men, like my sperm donor.
disco
October 22nd, 2012
2:21 pm
another thing on the vasectomy tip. one of my cousins wanted a vasectomy and was told he couldn’t have the procedure without his wife’s signed consent. I was like ???? at the end of the day, isn’t it his choice? what does it have to do with her? I’ve never heard of a woman needing her husband’s permission to get her tubes tied. one of my friends even rushed to have the procedure done upon hearing her deployed husband was on his way home. go figure.
Comon ¢
October 22nd, 2012
2:22 pm
Well, if you end up with a whole bunch of kids you have to support, you’re going to work yourself to death. Therefore, vasectomy should be a more palatable option.
Comon ¢
October 22nd, 2012
2:23 pm
Mamba/Sassy ~ I stay clear of irresponsible men, like my sperm donor
Hell, I don’t even stay away. I have just developed a severe allergy.