Are you dating a commitment phobe?
No one wants to waste their time in dating. If you want to date someone who actually wants a relationship, then you have to pay attention to certain things. Some people are commitment phobes and unfortunately they don’t walk around with a sign on their forehead, identifying them as such.
To be fair, though, many people don’t even realize they are actively avoiding commitment. It’s buried deep in other behaviors such as being unreasonably picky, sabotaging things that feel too real/good, or those disappearing acts that are oh so sexy.
Some people are happier not being in a committed relationship. That is perfectly fine, of course, but you have to be honest about it. Do you believe people are spending time dating you simply to be in your presence? They could be!
Just be clear that you don’t want anything serious – and don’t say “right now” because that is emotional terrorism. Nothing is worse than thinking someone is going to change their mind and holding on to false hope they will.
How can you spot a commitment phobe? How do you know if you are one?
Happy Monday!
By Wise Diva, Misadventures in Atlanta Dating Blog
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369 comments Add your comment
kimmie
October 22nd, 2012
11:36 am
Single – If she brings kids up every now and then, she is NOT fine with never having any. Trust. That’s what I wanted to avoid – having regrets and resentment later down the road. If you’ve been snipped and can’t get it reversed, it’s a moot issue. So she has to decide if she’s truly fine with it or wants to go her separate ways and explore other options.
Comon ¢
October 22nd, 2012
11:37 am
Leggs~ Thank the Lord Bluz’ public personna is much more assertive than her blogging personna. I just literally sighed with relief. So, now my question would be, if you can be assertive like that in person, why do you end up in these crappy situations with men?
kimmie
October 22nd, 2012
11:39 am
Brat – I was screaming!! Hubs was totally puzzled and was even talking about it as he got ready for work! He doesn’t understand why Carrie spilled the beans but I do! Brody ruined her life – ish, it’s payback time and she didn’t want to wait. I don’t blame her! Yeah, it is going to be very interesting!!!
disco
October 22nd, 2012
11:39 am
bluz – while in real life I consider myself to be a pretty good judge of character I can’t really say the same about blog life. still, you always come off as fairly sensible except for when it comes to men and animals/pets. lol. I give you a pass on animals because I own that I’m simply not an animal person. in short, you all right with me.
Bluzgirl
October 22nd, 2012
11:39 am
You got me Comon…I guess I just choose the wrong ones…
Bluzgirl
October 22nd, 2012
11:40 am
Thanks disco!
SlimNu
October 22nd, 2012
11:42 am
Bluz – Maybe you two can try Fork & Screen or Buckhead Backlot for an EARLY movie and beer.
Sassy Me...PYT ;-)
October 22nd, 2012
11:43 am
now my question would be, if you can be assertive like that in person, why do you end up in these crappy situations with men?
SassaFrass queing violin concerto #5….
disco
October 22nd, 2012
11:43 am
CC – in bluz’ defense, that’s a fairly common problem. sensible women who make jacked up relationship choices. I’m sure therapists the world over are making money hand over fist because of it. just over the weekend the sex/city episode was on where carrie went to therapy and met jon bon jovi. his problem: he dumps women after sex. her problem: she picks the wrong guys (which she discovers after having sex with him). bluz isn’t alone.
kimmie – I got caught up on scandal over the weekend. I mentioned on here once that free (from bet) was my body type alter ego. when I saw elise neal I remembered that once upon a time she was too. haven’t seen her in a while though.
Bluzgirl
October 22nd, 2012
11:43 am
Slim – Never heard of those…I’ll look them up. He lives in Tucker and I’m in Duluth…
Bluzgirl
October 22nd, 2012
11:45 am
OMG Sassy…will you stop with the snide remarks about queuing up violin music? We’re freakin’ talking here and I’m not boo-hooing about anything! Jeez…
czBrat ♀ ♫•*¨*•Liviiing Singllle•*¨*•♫♪
October 22nd, 2012
11:46 am
and there you have it, disco. i have a man who knows i CAN do certain things for myself, but i wish not to. i prefer that he make the plans, order our drinks/meals, get the door, walk in front of the cart, stand between me and traffic, etc. and he LUVS that i can step outta the way and watch him flex.
do i care that it’s really just me stroking his ego while he strokes mine? absolutely not.
we enjoy our little dance.
kimmie, s/o was the one yelling at the tv. i just smh. i think carrie was stuck in “we have to move NOW because they’re planning something” mode, but really needed to get her own revenge out in the process. i’m sure they’ll find a way to make it work out in her favor again.
s/o was pissed though. he kept calling her a loose cannon.
Leggs
October 22nd, 2012
11:47 am
“this isn’t a new guy this is a guy that knows how leggs is, I’ve done the play it by ear dates, but there is while the plan may not be concrete, there is a basic plan in action.”
Exactly Single. I do not mind coming up with places to go or things to do. Would simply like some input from you. However, don’t rest on your laurels that you did something simply by asking me if I want to go out and that’s where it stops. Nothing planned, nothing thought about.
SlimNu
October 22nd, 2012
11:47 am
Bluz – Yeah it’s combining the movie experience with eating all in one. The theaters have tables and stuff in there..and I believe beer and wine are served. Not sure if they do any hard liccka dranks tho
Comon ¢
October 22nd, 2012
11:47 am
Then you could try Studio Movie Grill on Holcomb Bridge. That shouldn’t be too far for either of you.
Comon ¢
October 22nd, 2012
11:48 am
Slim~ They do. I love Buckhead Backlot. The hubs and I go quite often.
Bluzgirl
October 22nd, 2012
11:49 am
Slim – don’t need hard liquor!!!
Comon – Forgot about Studio Movie Grill. That might be a better choice. I think I’ll plan on meeting him wherever we go…
Comon ¢
October 22nd, 2012
11:49 am
disco~ point taken. I know some women like that too. Sometimes I wonder how they make decisions in their day to day lives that are so on point, but when it comes to men they always choose the scum suckingest, bottom feeder users. It really just baffles the mind.
Comon ¢
October 22nd, 2012
11:50 am
Bluz~ Or you could try MOvie Tavern. It’s on Lavista Rd. in Tucker. Haven’t been there but I heard it’s decent.
czBrat ♀ ♫•*¨*•Liviiing Singllle•*¨*•♫♪
October 22nd, 2012
11:52 am
bluz, movie tavern and cinebistro are also good dinner/movie options. there’s a movie tavern near you and one near him. cinebistro is in buckhead.
Bluzgirl
October 22nd, 2012
11:55 am
Cool ya’ll…Thanks! I just looked at Movie Tavern and it seems decent.
Comon ¢
October 22nd, 2012
11:56 am
You should DEFINITELY plan on meetring him wherever you go. Bring your own money, but if you have to pay your own way, cut it short. I don’t care how funny, entertaining, (insert descriptive adjective here) he is, you need to demand respect up front and if he isn’t giving it ♫♪Walk on by… walk on by…♫♪
disco
October 22nd, 2012
11:59 am
CC – song lyrics and movie lines. always fitting. you said “walk on by” and I thought of “keep on moving”
Sassy Me...PYT ;-)
October 22nd, 2012
12:01 pm
We’re freakin’ talking here and I’m not boo-hooing about anything! Jeez…
Seems like you’ve grown a blog pair Bluz
when it comes to men they always choose the scum suckingest, bottom feeder users. It really just baffles the mind.
I’ve tried figuring that out,too. You see a successful woman who appears to have it all except a man worthy of her. I’ve read that for some AA women, the higher up the corporate ladder they go, the fewer choices they have in men but I don’t accept that b/c there are plenty of blue collar men who’d make them happy.
Yet and still you see a couple like that and you have to wonder…
Comon ¢
October 22nd, 2012
12:02 pm
disco~ I told you, great minds think alike.
SlimNu
October 22nd, 2012
12:02 pm
Bluz – I wasn’t saying you needed or wanted hard liquor…I was just throwing it out there that I was not sure. You could’ve wanted a martini or margarita
Bluzgirl
October 22nd, 2012
12:04 pm
Comon – Oh yes…I will cut it short if I need to. I’m a bit skeptical as is (which I think is a good thing).
Leggs
October 22nd, 2012
12:08 pm
I’m playing catch up:
“He’s used the term “hang out” several times in texting and I don’t really like it. – Don’t put the cart before the horse. If you don’t like it, then tell him no. You’re looking to date not hang out with someone although I see nothing wrong hanging out until you determine he’s someone you want to date. Hanging out first time out the gate means bring your own funds.
czB ~ mamachita, that is indeed a fine line, but one that’s not really hard to master. When a person knows the likes and dislikes of their mate, I would think it may make planning easier. You definitely know what to rule out! And, your dance with your beau is the type of two step I’m seeking (lol).
BTW, lil leggs asked about you two saying we had great weather for a fish fry and if I’ve been speaking with you (lol). So, hello to you and him from her!
Again, Bluz had the confidence to get up and karoake while I squirmed in my seat. I got the impression she knows what she wants just don’t know how to execute getting it. A dilemna a lot have. Her eagerness to please gets in the way of seeing or hearing what the guy is saying or doing to her. But, she’s working on it. BTW Bluz, if you do go out for a movie and a beer, don’t taunt him to prove how much can he actually drink and not be wasted. That’s never a good game!
Bluzgirl
October 22nd, 2012
12:11 pm
Leggs – I still can’t believe I mustered up the confidence to get up and sing. AND…I was not drunk! I figured I’d have to be trashed to do it. Too bad you didn’t get up and do your song! One day maybe! I sure did have a great time Sat night. I thought I was only gonna stay maybe two hours, but it was so much fun!!!
disco
October 22nd, 2012
12:12 pm
what song did you sing bluz? itl?
Bluzgirl
October 22nd, 2012
12:16 pm
I did “Because I Got High”! I figured I would choose one that may make people laugh and I didn’t have to sing it too well!
ITL did a couple of songs…”My Give a Damn’s Busted” and “I Love Rock and Roll”
Leggs
October 22nd, 2012
12:17 pm
Watching Bluz sing that song was hysterical. My song of choice was going to be Rapper’s Delight.
Bluzgirl
October 22nd, 2012
12:18 pm
All my friends I saw yesterday were cracking up at the thought of me singing that song! I thought it was a great choice!
disco
October 22nd, 2012
12:19 pm
bluz – lol. I have to admit that I had forgotten all about that song. lol. I don’t even think I know my give a damn’s busted. glad y’all had a good time.
leggs – rappers delight? now you would have got all the audience participation with that one.
Comon ¢
October 22nd, 2012
12:21 pm
Sassy~ I see it all the time. My hubs is blue collar and I’m happier than a pig in isht, yet I meet other AA attorneys who look down on the fact that my hubs actually WORKS for a living. That’s when I’m like, well, y’all keep your lofty amibitions and sleep by yourself everynight while I go home and curl up with my partner who loves me. Let me know how that works out for you…
Bluzgirl
October 22nd, 2012
12:23 pm
disco – we looked up the lyrics to Rapper’s Delight and that is one LONG song!!! I told Leggs that I’m sure there would have been plenty of people in the audience to rap it along with her. She was so close to doing it…
disco
October 22nd, 2012
12:28 pm
CC – someone’s post earlier made me think of it but I guess I got distracted. your post reminded me though. this morning’s strawberry letter (which totally sounded like a hoax but whatever). so dude writes in saying he and his woman dated off and on for about 10 years but have been married less than a year. she works and attends school and maintains the household. he doesn’t work or do anything but play on social media sites all day. his problem is that she constantly “nags” him re his social media habits. yep. dude really thought he had a legitimate beef and wrote in questioning if he should leave her. I was thinking “please do”. lol.
Enigma
October 22nd, 2012
12:31 pm
Bluz!!! I love that song!!!
I was gonna comment, then I got high…..
Comon ¢
October 22nd, 2012
12:33 pm
disco~ Ummm… the d must be that good?!?
That is the only explanation I can think of for that! LMAO! I cain’t even do it… 
disco
October 22nd, 2012
12:38 pm
CC – I was more amazed by the fact that he was threatening to leave than by the fact that he was sorry. I’m thinking really? you got that nice, cushy set up and you want to leave behind a little bit of nagging. give me a break. that’s why I didn’t buy the letter. he has to know he’s got it good.
last week one of nephew tommy’s phone pranks was to a woman planning her wedding. I think she was three weeks out. he pretended to be an attorney and said her man wanted a pre-nup. first she went hard, talking trash and eventually she broke and cried. thing was she was like “he doesn’t have anything. he moved in with me. I’m paying for this. I’m paying for that”. I’m like and you are marrying him because why. lol. tommy calmed her down and got her to talk about how much she loved him. crazy I tell ya.
czBrat ♀ ♫•*¨*•Liviiing Singllle•*¨*•♫♪
October 22nd, 2012
12:42 pm
so comon’s comment brings to mind a convo we had yesterday. one which has probably been had ad nauseam on this blog too, but oh well.
is it wrong to be drawn to the well-kept, ultra fashionable, clearly “pampered” (in the best sense of the word) types, then complain if they don’t dig in, get dirty and sacrifice as the occasion demands?
awww, leggs. please tell lil sweetie that we said “hiya”. you know if you want another throwdown you need only ask.
wait. lemme think about that for a minute. he’s crossfitting now. he might shun the idea.
Comon ¢
October 22nd, 2012
12:42 pm
disco~ Big isht talking, little isht walking. That negro ain’t going nowhere. He talking to hear himself talk.
Bluzgirl
October 22nd, 2012
12:42 pm
disco – that sounds like my ex!!! While I worked 2 jobs and was on the board of 2 non-profits, he was on the computer all day. That’s funny that this guy is thinking about leaving her because she nags about him doing nothing! That woman should run like I should have much sooner!!!
Comon ¢
October 22nd, 2012
12:44 pm
cz~Yes, it’s fair. My husband is GQ all day long, but if I am not to good to get down in the trenches and do some manual labor, neither are you. Now, if he wants to get to a point where he pays someone else to do it, that’s fine too. But it must get done.
czBrat ♀ ♫•*¨*•Liviiing Singllle•*¨*•♫♪
October 22nd, 2012
12:46 pm
you know what would work though? a seafood boil instead of a fish fry!
still tastes great with cold beer.
disco
October 22nd, 2012
12:46 pm
CC – naw he ain’t going nowhere and he likely ain’t got nowhere to go.
bluz – no doubt chick “looovvveesss” him. she was with him 9 years before marriage. she definitely knew who/what she was marrying and obviously was okay with it. my problem is his whining. he needs to shut the eff up. so much time on his hands he’s writing strawberry letters. lol. he needs to go clean the tub or something.
Single and Happy
October 22nd, 2012
12:49 pm
Lunch was good
Kimmie, we’ve had the resentment talk, and on getting my snippet reversed, um I wouldn’t have got it did, if I had even an inkling thought of having more kids.
SlimNu
October 22nd, 2012
12:55 pm
disco – I heard that this morning…it wasn’t the fact of just being nagged about his game playing and social sites but it was the fact that he kept stressing “with other women”…and that he has cheated before or some of the women are chicks he used to mess with. What woman in her right mind would be okay with that?? He was a dummy…And I also heard that prank call you mentioned. You could tell that she really loved her dude. I think she said her dad was helping her pay for some of the wedding. lol
Robert
October 22nd, 2012
12:57 pm
“Do you believe people are spending time dating you simply to be in your presence?”
Sometimes I do feel that way. Why? Because women want a man they can feel safe and comfortable. Women know I am a gentleman and will go out of my way to plan a date that makes her feel special. I once had a woman tell me she loves the way I make her feel when she is in my presence but she can not trust me when we are apart. Women will judge you by your past although I have changed a lot of my ways.
Single and Happy
October 22nd, 2012
1:00 pm
Disco, slim, you have meet the “a piece of a man is better than no man at all” and the “my HUSBAND” women of the world. the letter may have sounded fake, then there are a lot of fake people out there, because it happens all the time.