When men don’t pay..
One of our readers had a second date with a guy she thought was really nice. At the end of the date, he asked her for her portion of the bill. She was bothered by this and is not quite sure what to make of it. What does it mean when a man does not pay for a date?
Their outing was her idea because she was gifted free tickets to an event through work. Getting dinner before the event was his idea, though. So, she feels that he should have paid for her for two reasons: He is the guy and is pursuing her. The date activity was no cost to him because of her work connection.
Fellas, if you don’t pay for a woman, is that a reflection on what you think of her, or how you feel about her?
Ladies, why do we freak out when men don’t spend money on us? What do we think or feel, when a guy spends his money generously – to impress/woo us?
Happy Friday everyone!
By Wise Diva, Misadventures in Atlanta Dating Blog
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382 comments Add your comment
Single and Happier
October 19th, 2012
9:47 am
Comon, even being a general contractor, when the economy was good, alot of those guys were making a killing!
Disco, you know I’m always repping for the blue collar man (LOL)
Comon Cents
October 19th, 2012
9:48 am
Have fun at RHPS tonight ITL!
Comon Cents
October 19th, 2012
9:48 am
Comon, even being a general contractor, when the economy was good, alot of those guys were making a killing
Yeah, unfortunately he was not one of them. (In my driest voice EVER)
Single and Happier
October 19th, 2012
9:49 am
lmao@comon
disco
October 19th, 2012
9:50 am
ex – I mentioned paper qualifications because that’s the tangible stuff. i.e. you can verify that a significant other has such and such educational credentials or makes X amount of money or works in whatever field. the non-paper qualifications are more abstract. he’s funny, he’s nice, he treats me well. all that’s important but all that’s relative. he may be funny, nice to you but he bored his ex to death and beat her on weekends.
S/H – i know you represent. I recognize the income potential but my point is that some people don’t care about that. some people are much more concerned about telling their friends/family/co-workers that they are dating a sanitation worker. it’s not a pretty truth but it’s still the truth.
Comon Cents
October 19th, 2012
9:59 am
disco~ Cosign your 9:50. Especially that last part! Girl, if I could tell you the number of times I have told someone my husband is a chef and they get “the look” on their face! Whoo! “Does he own the restaurant, Comon?” Ummm… no. He’s just a chef. “Oh. How ever did you meet?” At that point I just want to tell them some random, off the wall isht just to see what their reaction will be.
kimmie
October 19th, 2012
10:01 am
To be honest, there are subjects like this, who pays on the date, that make me so glad I am off the market.
I’ve always had enough to eat. I’d go home and eat a peanut butter sandwich first before I would trip with some tired-A dude over a little tired meal out. He could keep his ish.
And blue collar or white collar – are you seflt-sufficient & responsible and can you pay your bills? Are you intelligent and do you have common sense? Are you respectful? If any of the above are missing, Houston we have a problem.
Single and Happier
October 19th, 2012
10:02 am
“it’s not a pretty truth but it’s still the truth.” Disco, you know I know this O to well
Comon Cents
October 19th, 2012
10:07 am
Preach, kimmie! Preach!
kimmie
October 19th, 2012
10:09 am
Disco – You are so right, about some folks caught up on appearances!
Single – Now this is one of those things I would not give a SHI– what other folks thought or said!!
Single and Happier
October 19th, 2012
10:11 am
Kimmie, unfortunately there are a lot who would disregard that list because they feel if I have a degree, they should have a degree. I’ve had women that I’m not boyfriend material but I am great to have around when something needs repairing, (like that’s going to happen)
Single and Happier
October 19th, 2012
10:13 am
Kimmie even though I don’t care what others think about me, I do believe in treating others the way I would want someone to treat me.
Single and Happier
October 19th, 2012
10:14 am
Enter your comments here
Comon Cents
October 19th, 2012
10:16 am
Well, S/H, I definitely don’t fall into THAT category. I have an advanced degree, he has a high school diploma. And I’m as happy as a pig in sh!t…
Single and Happier
October 19th, 2012
10:18 am
Comon, no offense again, but did it take the 2 failed marriages to get you to realize that? Not implying anything but sometimes that’s what it takes for some of us to open our eyes to other avenues?
Leggs
October 19th, 2012
10:20 am
Kudos, Comon! I’ve never been hung up on a degrees, I just want you to be able to carry a conversation, be respectful, responsible and have comon sense. Other attributes are important, but a degree doesn’t necessarily have to be one of them.
kimmie
October 19th, 2012
10:26 am
Single – It’s their loss. Money or all the college degrees in the world cannot buy you class. That’s not just a corny saying but very real, at least to me. Some of the most intelligent and successful people I have known over the years did not have the most formal education. They were just good at whatever it is they did, they wanted better for themselves and their family and they achieved it.
I’ve known folks with barely a full set of teeth in their mouth that had more going for themselves and would give you a drink of water if you were thirsty before some others I know of greater means.
A confident, positive attitude and good manners will take you very far and they are FREE.
I believe in doing unto others as well.
Comon Cents
October 19th, 2012
10:28 am
S/H~ No offense taken. No, it didn’t take two failed marriages (or maybe it did?) He was ALWAYS the right person for me, I just had to come to terms with the fact that we were meant to be together. Remember, even though the marriage is new, I have known him for 21 years. We lived together for 4 years. He always told his family if he ever got marriaed, it would be to me. I guess he was right, because while he is my 3rd husband, I am his first wife.
disco
October 19th, 2012
10:29 am
S/H – I see where you are going with your questioning of CC. I get it. but the flip is that the two failed marriages may have added some of the fuel or passion or motivation for her to be where she is today. there are no guarantees but perhaps if she’d married a “high school” brother right out the gate, she would have been complacent. or maybe she would have moved forward and “outgrown” him and be divorced from him and married to her ex. lol.
CC – you know I’m not making digs at you or yours. just making points.
I used to be here before
October 19th, 2012
10:30 am
Enter your comments here
kimmie
October 19th, 2012
10:30 am
Single – And in the environment I come from, degrees come a dime a dozen. Not knocking education at all because I believe in it. But a dude thinking all they had to be was educated and moneyed to impress me had another thing coming. I’m used to all that, so you gotta bring more, like character and respectfulness.
Single and Happier
October 19th, 2012
10:32 am
@Kimmie √
Single and Happier
October 19th, 2012
10:36 am
disco, can’t deal in ifs, have to deal it facts
so many times people have to figure out what’s wrong for them before they figure out what’s right!
comon, known for 21, lived together for 4, so it basically took you 25 years to figure out he was the right one for you, but in 25 years he had a hard time convincing you of that.
Comon Cents
October 19th, 2012
10:36 am
kimmie~ Agreed. My father and mother both have advanced degress, my brother went to an Ivy League. Yeah, you gotta come with something more than that. And, S/H remember, the 2nd husband was not degreed either. He was a general contractor.
I used to be here before
October 19th, 2012
10:37 am
Good Morning Blog,
Blog monster stole my comments but let me try this again..
I don’t see why is a huge deal for the man to pay.
This is what I do: I get to know a guy and on the first day, I offer to pay.
The guys are astonished that I do that and are impressed. They thank me for being considerate but they tell me to put my money away and they pay.
When that happens, I usually pay for the 2nd date and on the 3rd date, the guy quickly pays before I can offer and usually takes me to a restaurant where the bill was either higher or equal to the one I paid.
I’ve been told that I am one of the few females out there that have offered to pay and the guy made sure that he knew I was appreciated.
I just think that if you want to settle down with a guy that will take you seriously, you can’t be like most women who expect the guy to handle everything otherwise you appear selfish.
A friend of mine lost his job and wanted to go on a date with a girl but could not afford to really spend money like that. He said the girl left a bad impression when she told him to holler when he gets a job or money.
Years later, he’s working making more money, and engaged to a a wonderful woman that is not selfish and has paid for dates without a problem.
The importance should be placed on how the guy treats you and not on if he paid for the date or not.
Single and Happier
October 19th, 2012
10:38 am
Oh and disco, for most of us our past is what made our present. You wouldn’t be who you are today, if you forget who you were yesterday!
The man formerly know as Dan - still...Superior
October 19th, 2012
10:40 am
@I used
Sound like the kid whose girlfriend broke up with him *right* before he hit that $30 million lottery
I used to be here before
October 19th, 2012
10:42 am
“At that point I just want to tell them some random, off the wall isht just to see what their reaction will be. ”
Common: tell them you were a jam and offered “services” in exchange for food
Single and Happier
October 19th, 2012
10:42 am
Comon, your progression, Educated=failed, General Contractor (assuming he had his own business)=failed, Man who has always been there for me no matter what=ladies and gentleman we have a winner. and there is nothing wrong with the way you did it because there is no right way or wrong way to do things in life, because every life is different.
I used to be here before
October 19th, 2012
10:43 am
The man: I bet the chick is still single too.
Leggs
October 19th, 2012
10:44 am
Single ~ dang, during those 21 years of knowing him remember she was married twice. The stars weren’t aligned for the two of them at that time. Sometimes, you wake up and the person is still standing there smiling at you…then the light comes on.
Comon Cents
October 19th, 2012
10:44 am
S/H~ We have both changed a lot in 21 years (we lived together for 4 DURING that 21) We dated, broke up, I married someone else, divorced and now we are married. When I first met him, he was leaving the bar with a different girl every night and was “that” dude. So, of course when he popped game to me, he got shot down. We became friends. We were friends for 4 years and I got married. He told me not to marry dude, and I did anyway (actually laughed in his face when he said we were meant to be together) and he stopped talking to me. Ran into him the night my divorce was final from the first husband. Had (what I thought) was going to be a one night stand and he ended up becoming the beau. We lived together for 4 years and then broke up because we were both stubborn and stupid. I married someone else 6 months later. (MISTAKE!!!) So, as soon as my divorce was final this time, he called me and said I don’t want to date you, I don’t want to live with you. We’ve done that. If we are going to be together, we need to married. So, we are.
disco
October 19th, 2012
10:46 am
S/H – mmm hmmm. that was my point which is why I questioned your questioning of CC’s marital background though i suspect you were getting to the point that blue collar man is the better man. lol. represent, represent.
Single and Happier
October 19th, 2012
10:48 am
Comon Okay so it’s 21 instead of 25 but same results.
Leggs stars smars, couldn’t see the forest for the trees!!
kimmie
October 19th, 2012
10:48 am
Leggs/others – Did you watch Scandal last night?
I used to be here before
October 19th, 2012
10:51 am
WOw Common!!! Interesting story
Single and Happier
October 19th, 2012
10:51 am
Disco, my point really isn’t about the blue collar man it’s about opening your eyes and seeing what’s in front of you, instead of leaning to the side and seeing what you think you want. It’s like when people go shopping, some know exactly what they’re looking for, go in the store pick it up and be back out the door, while some go in pick up the item put it down, look around for hours only to come back to it and leave.
I used to be here before
October 19th, 2012
10:52 am
Speaking of stars , there is supposed to be shooting stars visible in sky around the same time SNL comes on Saturday night.
Leggs
October 19th, 2012
10:52 am
kimmie ~ sure did. lil leggs is home for homecoming (SWD) and she is now hooked on the show. Olivia Pope is human and messed up, but dang that is a quick fire show! I like the President’s wife, she has backbone!
Single, same difference (lol).
Single and Happier
October 19th, 2012
10:53 am
You know what you want, but maybe I can find something better!
disco
October 19th, 2012
10:54 am
kimmie – didn’t realize scandal was back on.
S/H – it’s always a blue collar thing. lol.
Single and Happier
October 19th, 2012
10:54 am
Anyway disco, (LOL)
Leggs
October 19th, 2012
10:55 am
Speaking of common sense: Here’s one who thinks she has some but clearly doesn’t:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=player_embedded&v=CI8UPHMzZm8
Leggs
October 19th, 2012
10:56 am
disco ~ I believe this is the 3rd episode. Go catch up. Going to be really good this season. Olivia and Puck (whatever his name is) are hiding a lot.
disco
October 19th, 2012
10:57 am
S/H – glad you found it comical. I was thinking “it’s a blue collar thing, you wouldn’t understand”.
disco
October 19th, 2012
10:58 am
leggs – see how little I keep up with tv? lol. last year I was able to get caught up online. I’ll check tonight to see if full episodes are still available online.
Single and Happier
October 19th, 2012
10:58 am
stop it disco, you going to make me pee on myself (LMAO)
Sassy Me...PYT ;-)
October 19th, 2012
10:58 am
Happy Friday gang
Not too much to add since it’s already been discussed…I think etiquette dictates that whomever suggests said outing, pay for it…plain and simple. However, you do have people who are users and will try to take you for whatever they can get out of you so beware.
And if there is the potential for confusion about splitting the bill, those things should be discussed BEFORE the check comes so you two aren’t sitting there looking like
and wondering who’s going to pay.
kimmie
October 19th, 2012
10:59 am
Leggs – Naw girl, what I’m tripping on is that scene of Olivia & the Prez grinding up against that tree, with the secret service dudes standing by!! I was screaming!!!Dang!! Yeah I like the 1st Lady too, she said she making plans for HER political career!!
Single and Happier
October 19th, 2012
10:59 am
Leggs, I would say that’s a joke, but I’ve heard worse (LOL)