When men don’t pay..
One of our readers had a second date with a guy she thought was really nice. At the end of the date, he asked her for her portion of the bill. She was bothered by this and is not quite sure what to make of it. What does it mean when a man does not pay for a date?
Their outing was her idea because she was gifted free tickets to an event through work. Getting dinner before the event was his idea, though. So, she feels that he should have paid for her for two reasons: He is the guy and is pursuing her. The date activity was no cost to him because of her work connection.
Fellas, if you don’t pay for a woman, is that a reflection on what you think of her, or how you feel about her?
Ladies, why do we freak out when men don’t spend money on us? What do we think or feel, when a guy spends his money generously – to impress/woo us?
Happy Friday everyone!
By Wise Diva, Misadventures in Atlanta Dating Blog
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382 comments Add your comment
Comon Cents
October 19th, 2012
9:17 am
S/H~ Short answer? Yes.
Single and Happier
October 19th, 2012
9:17 am
Button, second date for her, hanging out for him (LOL)
LeeH1
October 19th, 2012
9:17 am
There is a lot of sexism here. I thought women wanted to be treated as equals. I guess not.
The man came along, perhaps not for a date but for the event. He may not have even seen the outing as a date so much as two friends enjoying an evening together. The woman hyped it inot something it may not have been, then blames the man for not following her expectations.
The man should have just paid the woman’s father his twenty cows in bride price and then just have taken her. oops! That would be sexist, and treating the woman as an object to be bought and sold. Which is what this woman expected her date to do.
Women are such sexists. They want freedom for themselves, and equality, but won’t face the consequences.
This is also one reason why women won’t marry down in social or economic class. A woman lawyer seldom marries a carpenter or truck driver- only another lawyer or even better, a judge or politician. After all, no matter how much they make, they want to depend upon the man paying for her.
Actually, the twenty cows for a bride price seems rather cheap after all, and a much better deal.
Leggs
October 19th, 2012
9:18 am
“So, she feels that he should have paid for her for two reasons: He is the guy and is pursuing her.” – Aren’t they pursuing each other???
Single and Happier
October 19th, 2012
9:18 am
comon i like you, I like them dominate women (LOL)
The man formerly know as Dan - still...Superior
October 19th, 2012
9:18 am
@Ex
Things are good. Thank for asking. How’s business your way? Seen the market’s up…
@Slim
It’s….interesting. It’s definitely a growth opportunity. I have to keep reminding myself that, as was once said of/to me “kids are dumb, and you’re no exception”
O/T
The thing about paying for this or that, her or him, is beyond ‘manners’ or ‘who should be doing what for whom’.
Just as a woman invests spiritually, emotionally, and physically in her man; so too does a man invest mentally, emotionally, and (for us) financially in a woman that’s worth it. The balancing act is her making herself valuable and prized, and him being in the right frame of mind (not ‘hurt’ or ‘woe is me simpin’) to recognize her value.
I will say this; you ladies are definitely better value investors. I’ve seen some of my homies make some amazing transitions because of – and more importantly for – their women.
disco
October 19th, 2012
9:19 am
S/H – that sounds like me. I’m always telling folks every outing isn’t a date. sometimes it’s just two people getting something to eat. lol. a lot of chicks (fellas too I guess) are on dates in their own minds.
Exiled!
October 19th, 2012
9:19 am
Celisea..9:08 is on point.
To which I gotta revert back to Button’s point. A respectable,steady chic gotta swallow her desperation,if any and let a dude make the decision and invite. I ain’t never been a woman and don’t know how hard it is to wait to be approached or asked but the moment u take the lead on a guy and do the asking,we don’t think Like u may want to think.
Our minds run at supersonic speed after that. We are already thinking if we did laundry on All the sets of sheets!
coz we may be need to replace and lay a clean pair soon. 
History is also in our side..when a women seems desperate,she is Desperate!
Into the Light
October 19th, 2012
9:20 am
“So, she feels that he should have paid for her for two reasons: He is the guy and
is pursuingshe wants him to pursue her.”Leggs
October 19th, 2012
9:21 am
Forget my 9:18. He’s not pursuing her. Sure wish the poster would have stated where they went for dinner (that they both agreed upon).
Single and Happier
October 19th, 2012
9:21 am
Disco, if it’s a man and a woman, it’s a date, if it’s 2 guys/girls you’re just hanging out. (LOL)
Leggs
October 19th, 2012
9:21 am
Morning, Comon.
Hey there, Dan.
Comon Cents
October 19th, 2012
9:22 am
You know, I honestly can never remember a guy asking e to go dutch on a date. Even when we were in college and REALLY broke, they always paid.
Single and Happier
October 19th, 2012
9:23 am
Comon they probably were to scared to mention those 3 words (let’s go dutch) (LOL)
Comon Cents
October 19th, 2012
9:24 am
A woman lawyer seldom marries a carpenter or truck driver- only another lawyer or even better, a judge or politician
I call BS. I am an attorney and my husband is chef. When we first met he was a bartender.
Leggs
October 19th, 2012
9:24 am
I like that, ITL. We definitely do that at times.
Single and Happier
October 19th, 2012
9:25 am
Comon personal question, are the income potentials the same?
disco
October 19th, 2012
9:26 am
S/H – it just burns you up that you think like me (or that I think like you). lol.
guys – how about a flip on the scenario. some women when they aren’t feeling a guy will insist on paying for their own food/drink/whatever. it’s definitely not about flaunting financial independence so much as a subtle hint that you probably aren’t the one and she really doesn’t want to be bothered with you. lol. do guys recognize that move for what it is?
Comon Cents
October 19th, 2012
9:27 am
Ex~ No one cleans house faster than a man expecting to get laid…
ITL~ Stop clowning that girl early this morning…
Comon Cents
October 19th, 2012
9:27 am
S/H~ Not even close. I am the major bread winner.
Single and Happier
October 19th, 2012
9:28 am
Disco, where dey do dat at, never had that happen, always tell me after the meal has been paid for (LOL)
Disco, great minds think alike
Comon Cents
October 19th, 2012
9:28 am
disco~ That goes back to yesterday with that “I bought you a drink and now you’re my girlfriend”. No thanks, potnah. I got that on my own.
Leggs
October 19th, 2012
9:28 am
I’d call BS on that as well Comon! What’s the word used during the debate? That’s pure “marlarkey.”
Single and Happier
October 19th, 2012
9:29 am
Comon then you should be paying!! IJK
Comon Cents
October 19th, 2012
9:30 am
S/H~ We don’t know WHO is paying because we are married and what’s mine is his. We have a joint bank account, so he has access to what I make and I have access to what he makes. All the household bills are paid out of that account and we each have personal accounts for our day to day expenses.
Single and Happier
October 19th, 2012
9:31 am
Comon, young love is so cute. I was just joking
Button
October 19th, 2012
9:31 am
Here feelings are hurt and she’s gotta realize that most men like doing the asking but on their time. It may seem unfair because he could be a slow as a snail, it is what it is. My dude used to always secure the next date even before the date we were on was over.
Comon Cents
October 19th, 2012
9:32 am
Leggs~ In fact, most of the female attorneys I know are not in relationships with judges and whatnot. They tend to date people in the field (sheriffs, cops, bail bondsmen, etc) but definitely not on the same pay level as them.
Exiled!
October 19th, 2012
9:33 am
9:27 Common u are a jokster…that was good!
But I disagree with u on Leeh’s point,never mind u married ‘down’. Her point is valid for the most part. And when a woman marries down she tends to Dominate the relationship. Which is true in ur case and u have alluded to that.
disco
October 19th, 2012
9:34 am
lee – re marrying “up” or “down”, you’ll find that a lot of women have to date/marry down. essentially it’s a numbers game. I know I’d consider myself lucky if I got with a guy I considered an educational, financial, career “equal” let alone latching on to one that was a step “up”. (of course, we’re just talking paper qualifications and stats)
Exiled!
October 19th, 2012
9:35 am
She wants him to pushed her…
Desperate!
Single and Happier
October 19th, 2012
9:35 am
Disco, could you elaborate on that career equal?
Comon Cents
October 19th, 2012
9:36 am
Ex~ I don’t dominate the relationship, I am just the major breadwinner. We make decisions together. I will not deny that I am a very dominate personality, but then again, so is he.
kimmie
October 19th, 2012
9:36 am
Morning All!!
I’m with Lee on this one – if it’s dutch it’s not a date. I dutch with my friends. This is not to say I never paid on dates. I just hate splitting the bill at the table or counter when on a date – it’s not a good look. So either I pay for the entire meal and he buy the movie tix or whatever, but no splitting.
Being honest, I’ve only had one guy to pull what happened with Wise’s friend and we were college freshman.
At first I was inclined to believe like some have said that the 1st date may not have gone well for dude, but he decided to go along to the event she had tickets for. But if that was the case, they could have just gone to the event and gone their separate ways. He prolonged the evening by suggesting dinner. HIS suggestion. Wonder if he suggested they grab dinner but left the choice of the restaraunt up to her and she chose something more expensive than he planned on?
In either account, being the lady I am and not used to a guy pulling such a stunt, I would have felt bad. I’m used to men being men and gentleman. If it was a case of him not being able to afford the dinner bill, he should have suggested something he could afford. See this is where my love for intelligence comes in. He could have suggested something less expensive like coffee & dessert after the event. That’s assuming he really wanted to spend more time with her. It was just not a classy move. Folks can site womens lib all they want. If he truly liked her and wanted to make a nice impression, he blew it. If he was using her just to go to the event, yeah like some women do to get a free meal, well she now knows what he’s all about. I’ve found that most men don’t mind spending some money and time on a woman they care about. They don’t have to break the bank, but they find a way within their means to show her he cares.
In any event, I’m sure he had to notice her disappointment.
I would have gone ahead and paid my portion. If he asked me out again I would tell him I cannot afford to go out. He’d get the message.
Single and Happier
October 19th, 2012
9:37 am
I mean “I know I’d consider myself lucky if I got with a guy I considered an educational, financial, career “equal”
Leggs
October 19th, 2012
9:37 am
I definitely understand, Comon. Not everyone wants to date someone in their same profession. Not all cops are dating other cops. Sometimes, opposite mindsets/professions definitely help to keep the relationship sparks sparkling and not find themselves in the position of having to fan the embers to ignite the slightest of sparks!
Into the Light
October 19th, 2012
9:37 am
@CC: LOL. Not trying to clown her, but it goes back to what we say so often: Open your eyes and see WHAT IT IS not WHAT IT MIGHT BE. She can read into his words, actions, gestures all day. But at the end of the day, it is what it is and she shouldn’t try to make it anything else.
Comon Cents
October 19th, 2012
9:40 am
disco~ On your point, I think a lot of “career” women “marry down” (And I hate that term because I did NOT marry down. My husband is the best thing that ever happened to me and I am lucky he CHOSE me. But for finacial purposes, we’ll roll with that) because men on the same level or higher are threatened by women like me. We have opinions, we are dominate and not easily manipulated and generally have a very definite idea of where we want to go. Men like my husband, while they have some financial success, they are not intimidated by a woman who makes more money. And he definitely pursued me. (I wanted him to pursue me too… )
Exiled!
October 19th, 2012
9:40 am
Dan..I think the market is looking up..Mitt wi be very lucky if he inherits this economy.
Even O is putting, ‘looking up’ in his stump speaches now.
My bro is in business and was laughing saying him and his partners are Dems but will still be fine if Mitt wins.
I know what ‘kind’ of a business man he is…like a lot out there.
O ain’t friends to corrupt folks who bend rules.
3 weeks..we shall see!
Single and Happier
October 19th, 2012
9:41 am
Comon, no offense, so the third times the charm, were the other 2 your equal?
The man formerly know as Dan - still...Superior
October 19th, 2012
9:41 am
Hi Ms. Leggs…
How goes it?
Comon Cents
October 19th, 2012
9:42 am
ITL~ Did you read that link SexyCool (I think) posted yesterday afternoon? If not, go back and read it. I sent it to SEVERAL people I know…
disco
October 19th, 2012
9:42 am
S/H – not really besides I’m sure you know what I mean because you think like I think. it was just to make a point re marrying up/down. I can’t be the only one who knows folks who think that dating people who work in certain jobs or professions are beneath them.
Comon Cents
October 19th, 2012
9:43 am
S/H~ The first husband was (but I was at a different level than I am now) the second husband was not. He was a general contractor. No offense taken!
Exiled!
October 19th, 2012
9:44 am
Disco and u Common..’we are just talking paper qualifications’
Quit playing uall I say!
Just paper qualifications.
I know u know u spoke with a forked tongue there!
I gotta go and I enjoyed this!
Good weekend!
disco
October 19th, 2012
9:44 am
CC – I’m not particularly fond of the term hence why I put it in quotations. still, when it’s used folks know what we are talking about. even single and happy while he’s asking me to elaborate. lol.
Button
October 19th, 2012
9:45 am
^5 Common
Single and Happier
October 19th, 2012
9:45 am
disco, no you are not. but in the end, wouldn’t it be the income potential rather than the job title, Hasn’t the recent past taught us anything? Things can change in the next second!
Into the Light
October 19th, 2012
9:46 am
Okay, folks. Gotta go knock out some work so I can get out of here on time today.
Have a great weekend!
Comon Cents
October 19th, 2012
9:47 am
disco~ You don’t know? You bout to learn todady!
I feel you.