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When men don’t pay..

One of our readers had a second date with a guy she thought was really nice. At the end of the date, he asked her for her portion of the bill. She was bothered by this and is not quite sure what to make of it. What does it mean when a man does not pay for a date?

Their outing was her idea because she was gifted free tickets to an event through work. Getting dinner before the event was his idea, though. So, she feels that he should have paid for her for two reasons: He is the guy and is pursuing her. The date activity was no cost to him because of her work connection.

Fellas, if you don’t pay for a woman, is that a reflection on what you think of her, or how you feel about her?

Ladies, why do we freak out when men don’t spend money on us? What do we think or feel, when a guy spends his money generously – to impress/woo us?

Happy Friday everyone!

By Wise Diva, Misadventures in Atlanta Dating Blog

382 comments Add your comment

Gocha

October 19th, 2012
5:53 am

I feel exactly like the female … If a guy doesn’t spend money on me I don’t feel he values me… When he spend his money he cares

oddmanout

October 19th, 2012
6:50 am

Good Morning,
Its been a while since I posted, but this one has nabbed my attention. And I thought I was an A$$hole but this guy takes the Grammy home for “DBag Date”!! The male in this post is DEAD WRONG!! The female was kind enough to use her extra gifted ticket on the male, which was free BTW and he had the audacity to ask for her portion of the bill!?! B*#@! BYE!!!!

lee

October 19th, 2012
6:59 am

If we are going dutch – you are my friend – it is not a date. Now if we are dating and he stated that money was tight and was not able – i can understand that. Otherwise: He should of paid, i hope she didn’t give out those “benefits” already. Hate wasting time.

Single and Happier

October 19th, 2012
7:00 am

Who ever suggest the event should pay, unless it’s discussed before hand!

Comon Cents

October 19th, 2012
7:11 am

Wow! Just Wow! If I was her, I would have asked for his portion of the face value of the ticket. Free for me doesn’t mean free for you. We’re going dutch, remember?

Good Morning, bloggies!

Celise.....happy life!!

October 19th, 2012
7:23 am

Goooood morning!

Ummm, I’m so not even thinking about this dude…lol I wouldn’t even waste my time. I would have politely “declined” my portion of the bill and said “naw buddy, you got it”….seriously. I’m so over this “new age” thingy where dudes are keeping track of “your turn.” You gotta track it? Them how about we not do this altogether….k? I have no problem treating the honey to a nice evening but it will be when I feel the time is right. Until such time, as I’ve been raised “old school”, I’m not paying for dates. Point blank.

Two things I’ll ALWAYS believe men spend on women they care for….TIME AND MONEY. It’s just plain cheesy wondering when it’s her turn. Again, don’t get me wrong. ANY woman “feeling” her man or potential man, wants to do or show something nice towards him. You just be the man and it’s coming…trrrrrust me on that

Gotta run….ready for the weekend!!

Single and Happier

October 19th, 2012
7:27 am

A little devils advocate here. This was their second date right. For him the first date didn’t go that well and he had no plans on a second date, but she got tickets to an event he wanted to go to. To him asking her to pay isn’t a problem cause it’s not like it’s going to be a third date. It’s still wrong but IJS

Celise.....happy life

October 19th, 2012
7:29 am

Goooood morning!!

Run girl!!! lol Any dude so frugal that he’s splitting the bill, is NOT the man for you!!! You can eat alone for that matter…lol If I’m digging you, trust there will come a time where I’m going to show you a nice time. Until then, the natural order of things is in full effect…..and as I was raised, the man pays. If you’re sweating out, please please move on past me!!

Ready for the weekend!! :mrgreen:

Celise.....happy life

October 19th, 2012
7:30 am

it not out….my bad

Jeff

October 19th, 2012
7:32 am

You wanted to move out of the 50’s and 60’s, we moved out of the 50’s and 60’s.

Celise.....happy life

October 19th, 2012
7:36 am

I’m a firm believer….two things men will spend on women they care for…. TIME AND,MONEY. Don’t be fooled, they ain’t spending, they don’t care!

Celise.....happy life!!

October 19th, 2012
7:45 am

I would have declined….lol Seriously, I would have. That was just plain tacky. If I’m not reaching for my purse, you know the drill……lololol

Toddles!

Single and Happier

October 19th, 2012
7:50 am

Is declining really that easy, when the man tells the server separate checks, and he pays for what he ordered?? Now it’s between her and the restaurant.

Bug Al

October 19th, 2012
8:19 am

Men only pay after marriage. And they pay double after divorce.

Button

October 19th, 2012
8:31 am

There could be a slew of reasons why the guy didn’t pay for dinner. She asked him out, maybe in his mind since she did the asking then she’s forking the bill for the entire night. Money always gets in the way aside from sex. It should be about spending together time making memories. jmo

Button

October 19th, 2012
8:37 am

Why was she asking him out on a second date anyway? If we’re going to go on the natural order of things, he should’ve been asking for a second date not her.

Exiled!

October 19th, 2012
8:39 am

It was her idea(for the second date) and we don’t know how the first date went.(coz u females hide the details on that :lol: )

Like Sibgle said,maybe dude smashed on first date and was Done! Chic is now feeling like a tornado so she pushes…’ ehh I got these free tickets,u wanna hang out and see xxxx in concert? Dude will say,’ sure,why not’ but chic is spinning it as a second date!

If dude didn’t wanna pay for her,it’s not even about him not having money. He ain’t pursuing her anymore ‘like that!’ ..he’s done!

Chic gave up the goods I’m Positive on that.

She’s now Pushing,Desperate! :lol:

The man formerly know as Dan - still...Superior

October 19th, 2012
8:41 am

@Cel

Um, my wife offered to (and sometimes I let her) pay – if for no other reason than to experience the ’sticker shock’. And to this day, she’ll tell you that I’m cheap.

But, she moved her (and the kids belongings) to a new state, and a new house, and didn’t pay a cent.

If a woman defines herself by small measures such as dinner, and allows ‘frugality’ to become ‘cheap’ – for whatever reason – she may be missing out on a man that invests in people, places, and things that are worth investing in.

#isallimsayin

Good morning all

Exiled!

October 19th, 2012
8:42 am

Single…sorry to spell ur name like LGBT …as if u confused biologically :lol:

Button

October 19th, 2012
8:43 am

I suggest to the reader to sit back and let the guy pursue her as she stated above. jmo

Exiled!

October 19th, 2012
8:43 am

Good morning!

Dan taught me some manners there.

How u doing Dan..how’d business?

Mark

October 19th, 2012
8:45 am

Re: Gocha @ 5:53 am:

“If a guy doesn’t spend money on me I don’t feel he values me… When he spend his money he cares”

Really? There’s no way for a guy to care for you without spending money (eg., by doing nice, thoughtful things that don’t cost money, for example)???

Comon Cents

October 19th, 2012
8:47 am

We only moved out of the 50’s and 60’s as far as payments? Casue y’all damn sure seem to think we are still in the 50’s and 60’s when it comes to being king of the castle or cooking dinner or cleaning the house.

Single and Happier

October 19th, 2012
8:48 am

Comon, where dey do dat at??

Comon Cents

October 19th, 2012
8:49 am

Merk, I think Gocha mispoke. The correct response would have been one of the things a man does to show me he values me is spend his money on me. He can show that he cares in other ways, but if he never wants to spend a dime on me then, yeah, he can KIM…

Celise.....happy life!!

October 19th, 2012
8:50 am

Dan – I hear ya. I’m by no means saying I won’t or wouldn’t pay. I BELIEVE in making my man feel appreciated……absolutely!! I just take issue with dudes that tally stoke. I like reaching for my……for a good dude. I get it. You gotta admit, there are some that are cheesy… lol

Comon Cents

October 19th, 2012
8:50 am

S/H~ LOL! Dey do dat in a lot of places. These days, men want a woman to go out and bring home the bacon, fry it up in the pan, clean the dishes afterward, wash his shirt that he spilled bacon grease on, then go upstairs and never ever let him forget he’s a man. :lol:

Single and Happier

October 19th, 2012
8:53 am

Comon Gocha didn’t mispeak she typed what she meant to say (LOL)

Also comon can’t speak for other men, but I do yard work, wash cars and all the handy stuff around my house, so if and when I get married, would cooking and cleaning be a bad thing for her to do? I know there are some men that think as long as I pay someone to do this stuff I’m holding up my end, but to me it’s not the same.

Exiled!

October 19th, 2012
8:55 am

8:47 Common..cooking Dinner?

That’s what Mitt Romney said bout uall..u gotta hurry home and cook for ur kids.

I agree with him on that tho altho lotta women don’t like that.

On that,yeah I’m Conservative!

Comon Cents

October 19th, 2012
8:56 am

I can’t speak for other women (because I know some that are in truly jacked up situations! :lol: ) but in my house, we both work and therefore we split chores. I cook most nights since he cooks all day for a living, but whoever cooks does not do dishes. If I wash and dry, then someone else needs to fold and put away. He cuts the grass and edges, but I do all the blowing and cleanup. As far as cars, we take them to be washed! LOL! Ain’t neither one of us trying to be out in the yard washing cars by hand…

Exiled!

October 19th, 2012
8:57 am

Button..ur 8:37 is on point!

Why is she desperate?

Celise.....happy life!!

October 19th, 2012
8:59 am

I like reaching for my PURSE….is what I was saying. Dern typos…lol

Exiled!

October 19th, 2012
9:00 am

Common.

I ain’t doing nothing in the house except fix my sammich every now and then or vacuum or fix the blockage or screw a lose nutt.

I will do All things physical outside

I agree with my Conservative foes on this

Leggs

October 19th, 2012
9:01 am

“Who ever suggest the event should pay, unless it’s discussed before hand!” – That’s my take as well. Especially since HE suggested going out to dinner. He should pay.

Single may be correct in that the first date may not have gone well, and he had no intention of asking her out for a second date, but couldn’t refuse free tix. That in itself indicates that he at least could tolerate her company for those few hours. I would think if he wasn’t interested to some degree, he wouldn’t have deviated from just going to the event. So, by him asking for her portion was letting her down easy saying this is where the buck stops.

Good morning!

Button

October 19th, 2012
9:03 am

Like you said Exile it could be they smashed on the first date or she could be one of those women that want to controll everything from the rip. There are too many information left out to garner what is really going on.

Exiled!

October 19th, 2012
9:03 am

Cel..u like reaching for ur purse,sincerely or as a show/tester to say,’I can pay my own’

Coz if u do and after u pay,don’t mutter none…,it’s no Biggie…

But if u pay(coz I know I got it :lol: ) then pout and say this or that about u paying,then u weren’t sincere.

Which?

Comon Cents

October 19th, 2012
9:04 am

Good Morning, Leggs.

I still like my idea of asking him for his portion of the face value of the ticket. Oh, we going dutch? Well, free for me is not free for you. Cough up your dough, potnah. :lol:

Exiled!

October 19th, 2012
9:04 am

U got it..I meant! Typos

Single and Happier

October 19th, 2012
9:07 am

Ex, Button, they may not have smashed on the first day, she just may have been someone that he didn’t want to date. Women will take a free meal from someone she has no intention of dating, Men can’t do that also? We do have to remember she asked him, we don’t know if he was pursuing her?

” So, she feels that he should have paid for her for two reasons: He is the guy and is pursuing her. The date activity was no cost to him because of her work connection.”

And by that statement, because she got the tickets free he should have paid, hell it didn’t cost either of them. If he had got the, free or pay, would she have been expected to pay?

Celise.....happy life!!

October 19th, 2012
9:08 am

Mmeello – LOLOLOLOL

Don’t get me wrong, I ain’t carrying or taking of a dude. A good man, considerate and thinks of me and my well being, will talk to me when things ain’t quite right, listens to me and shares with me his thoughts and desires, trusts me…….CAN GET IT ALL! Yeah, I can easily open my purse here and there out of appreciating the good man he is towards me.

disco

October 19th, 2012
9:09 am

good morning.

CC – that’s funny. asking him for his portion of the ticket price. I feel you though.

S/H – point made. sometimes it just is what it is. truly in that situation, if I were old girl, I would have gladly and even quietly paid for my dinner. I also may have made a dash to the bathroom to see if a girlfriend or someone else could make the event last minute. lol. if not, I’d have attended with him and accepted that that was the end of that.

SlimNu

October 19th, 2012
9:09 am

Good morning all,

Dan – How’s it going? How was the transition into “stepdad” go for you?

Comon Cents

October 19th, 2012
9:09 am

O/T~ What’s with all the businesses getting shot up the past couple of days? First the bar in Denver, now a beauty shop in FL. People losing their minds this October!

Exiled!

October 19th, 2012
9:10 am

This issue is where u hear women profusely mutter,’ I ain’t a gold digger!’

But they want a man to dig his gold in order for him to stuff her belly!

:lol: :lol: Women

that’s called gift of speech or manipulation!

Single and Happier

October 19th, 2012
9:11 am

Comon, Life happens

Comon Cents

October 19th, 2012
9:12 am

S/H~ I think that the point is, since he was going to the concert for FREE he could have paid for dinner. What the tix cost her is irrelevant. She could have chosen to take someone else. But, damn, if I invite you to an event for free, you can’t even pay for dinner? You cheap b@stard…

Celisea.....happy life!!

October 19th, 2012
9:13 am

Gotta work….toodles!

Single and Happier

October 19th, 2012
9:14 am

Comon, if men are paying for the dates, isn’t everything free for women!! Even when she get’s something free, I still have to pay?

Into the Light

October 19th, 2012
9:14 am

Good morning, all!

So, she feels that he should have paid for her for two reasons: He is the guy and is pursuing her. The date activity was no cost to him because of her work connection.

Are we assuming that he is “pursuing” her? Because it doesn’t sound to me like he is. It sounds to me, like some other bloggers said, that she had some free tix to something he wanted to do and he agreed to go. She supplied the tix, so he could have treated for dinner….but maybe he thought a/it was an evening on the low cost end for both of them or b/he’s really not that interested but didn’t want to pass up a free ticket.

Button

October 19th, 2012
9:17 am

Clearly the guy is not feeling this woman, for him to go dutch on a “second” date.