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Dating: Are we a couple or not?

Perhaps one of the trickiest phase of a new dating relationship is the period right before you consider the other person your “only.” You are not quite at “the talk” phase, yet you are sure you are headed in the right direction.

I think it only gets complicated when one person is thinking “casual” and seeing where things go; while the other person has basically decided that things are already official. When does a relationship actually start, though? It always seems to differ for men, and ladies try to take cues from a guy’s actions, not his words.

When you are engaging in intimate acts, staying at each others home, and spending all your leisure time doing couple things – all these can mean different things to different people.

Do you need to have the official talk and girlfriend/boyfriend label before you recognize that a relationship has started?

Do you think it is something that should be clearly defined or do you prefer to take it as it comes, so to speak?

By Wise Diva, Misadventures in Atlanta Dating Blog

222 comments Add your comment

Celise.....happy life!!

October 18th, 2012
7:01 am

Loving this one, Diva! I’m old school and of the mindset that I’m doing none of those intimate things aforementioned until and unless I’m declared as taken. I think women fall into many hurtful things doing “stuff” sans a relationship. Sorry, don’t care how many men becomes frustrated, calls me crazy, get impatient. Too bad, so sad……move it along. I’m happy that’s my way of being and I can DEFINITELY attest I’ve missed nothing grand by standing on my belief of no girlfriend, no goodies. I’m happy I’ve been able to move on away from those that got impatient because I didn’t allow my self to be used as practice….lololil Nuuuuuh uh…no can do.

My honey is standup. Was willing to go all in, before going all in. He rare these days, but if you keep and holds to a standard, someone worth your worth is DEFINITELY waiting just around the corner for you.

Be willing to take a pass on all those folks that want to do a test run on you alongside a gang of women. That means they saw no real value in the effort of giving things a real try with just you alone. You probably didn’t miss nothing great….lol

Early start, busy day. I’m happy happy happy my day is now crammed with duties and I’m not afforded the capacity to do nothing but work. I get to miss the mess….yaaaay!! I don’t know whose changing names but “wudn’t me.” lololol I cracked up while reading cause I was getting confused…..lol I did

My honey is picking me up for lunch today. Getting a jump so I can take a couple of hours :mrgreen:

Celise.....happy life!!

October 18th, 2012
7:04 am

Forgive my typos.

Celise.....happy life!!

October 18th, 2012
7:06 am

Dontcha just love love??? Sigh

Single and Happier

October 18th, 2012
7:07 am

“Do you think it is something that should be clearly defined or do you prefer to take it as it comes, so to speak?” Take life as it comes, things don’t have to be so complicated!

lee

October 18th, 2012
7:15 am

If you have to ask- then you are not in a relationship. Usually a man will step up when he just wants you and you only. Otherwise you are just dating. Oh and if you do start the conversation of how or when to becoming a “item” and he gives you excuses – it will never happen- just keep it moving.

Celise.....happy life!!

October 18th, 2012
7:41 am

You know it’s bad when you start scheming a “get away” before the weekend gets here…..lol Tryna see how I can pawn the kid off on my sister for the weekend….lol Ain’t I a stinker :nrgreen:

I’m out!

Exiled!

October 18th, 2012
8:44 am

To most non hos ,steady good chics,the moment u stab,their feelings become like a tsunami…we item!

Whereas a guy may surely be trying to get a test run,like Celisia is saying. Stabbing ain’t a thing until the totality of it All is making sense and really vining good,to a guy…

So,in some ways,intimacy may just be a trashed statistic with no value to a guy! :lol: even tho,I must say,the chic is upstanding!

All I can say is,it’s tricky.

And that’s why it’s hard being a woman. Coz on the other extreme,until a guy stabs,his thirst is unquenched! :lol:

Just follow mama’s advice! :lol:
Sorry no advise me today!

Off topic:

The fake monikker stuff was hilarious yesterday. Damn I shed tears!

Folks! :lol:

Button

October 18th, 2012
8:44 am

Good morning, I’ve learned to let the guy tell me where things are going and if I agree, then it’s on and poppin! Once I did step out on the ledge and asked the – where are we going – question to a guy I dated and he flat out told me that he was not ready to be in a relationship and just looking for a friend blah blah blah, I bounced on that one and that was the first and last time I have ever asked a guy where were things going. A guy will let you know verbally if you are the one when he decides you are the one. jmo

My SO asked me how do I feel about being exclusive after about a couple of months of dating, of course I said yes but, I was ready to be exclusive long before he even asked. He had no clue I was ready though, I kept dating other men making myself semi unavailable but waiting it out it didn’t take him long and now we’re on the road to matrimony. I wonder sometimes what would’ve happened if I pushed it. hmmmm It probably would’ve scared him away. LOL

Exiled!

October 18th, 2012
8:45 am

Exiled!

October 18th, 2012
8:48 am

Button..

So u were semi dating on the side whilst with ur guy,right!

In female circles I know u don’t call that Cheating,right? :lol:

Abc,u here that? :lol:

Exiled!

October 18th, 2012
8:49 am

Button

October 18th, 2012
8:51 am

Exile I don’ t think it’s all that tricky. a man WILL let you know if you are the one, now the tricky part is how long will you be the one.

Button

October 18th, 2012
8:52 am

Yes I was Exile. What’s wrong with that?
Hey, I made no commitment to no one yet at the time, so I was free

Button

October 18th, 2012
8:54 am

Exile you can not cheat if you have not commit!

I used to be here before

October 18th, 2012
9:01 am

if you have to ask if you are a couple or not , then you are not a couple

Leggs

October 18th, 2012
9:10 am

Good morning.

♪♫•*¨*•.¸¸♥¸¸.•*¨*•♫♪HAPPY, HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO MRS. SEXYCOOL!♪♫•*¨*•.¸¸♥¸¸.•*¨*•♫♪

I used to be here before

October 18th, 2012
9:10 am

If you have to ask if you are a couple, then you really aren’t a couple

one luv

October 18th, 2012
9:11 am

If you have to ask if you are a couple, then you are not a couple

Leggs

October 18th, 2012
9:11 am

“Do you think it is something that should be clearly defined or do you prefer to take it as it comes, so to speak?” Take it as it comes, because actions will dictate if you two are seeing just you two.

disco

October 18th, 2012
9:11 am

hey y’all. good morning. I’m definitely of the mind that you have to have the talk and both parties have to make the declaration. other than that, wires might be crossed. someone might be reading more into it than it is. it can be a mess. gotta straight go to “is you is or is you ain’t my baby”. lol.

SlimNu

October 18th, 2012
9:12 am

Good morning folks!

The beau brought up being exclusive to me, and like Button said, I was feeling that way long before he mentioned it.

SlimNu

October 18th, 2012
9:13 am

Good morning all

I used to be here before

October 18th, 2012
9:14 am

Good Morning Blog,

If you have to ask if you are a couple, then it does not appear that you are a couple

disco

October 18th, 2012
9:23 am

enigma (do you mind me saying that? that’s the one that kind of stuck for me) – I get the if you have to ask stance but the reality is that folks (young and old, men and women) run game. there are married folks out running around with single folks who might mistakenly believe they are a couple because they are spending X amount of time together. you can NOT clarify things and find yourself in the situation where they pull that “I never told you we were this that or the other”. I not too long ago called a guy out on that game. telling a chick he was too busy to be in a relationship right now. meanwhile he’s taking her out and screwing her. he was setting her up to get caught up so he could say “I told you when I met you…”

DuShawn

October 18th, 2012
9:32 am

As soon as a woman takes the first sip from the third drink that I bought her……She’s my baby… we now go together.
Imma follow her around the club for the remainder of the evening until she comes to the realization that we are an exclusive relationship.

Bluzgirl

October 18th, 2012
9:36 am

It needs to be made clear somehow that you are exclusive. Now…when my ex moved in, that’s when it was 100% clear that we were exclusive. We didn’t need to have the “talk” because we had already fallen in love (or so I thought). I don’t think the “talk” has to be so serious…it really shouldn’t be a big deal.

Comon Cents

October 18th, 2012
9:36 am

Good Morning, Bloggies!

I think that there are too many women who want to give privileges without a title these days. It’s kind of like what Slim said the other day re: the sick boyfriend. If I am the girlfriend and we are kicking it like that then yeah, I’m going to come by, check on you, etc. But if I am one of many? Not happening captain. I need to know exactly where we are going and what the expectations are. If there are no boundaries then anything goes!

Comon Cents

October 18th, 2012
9:37 am

Shawn~ That’s why I buy my own drinks…

Comon Cents

October 18th, 2012
9:38 am

when my ex moved in, that’s when it was 100% clear that we were exclusive.

I think that is somewhat backwards. I would have had to have known that we were exclusive BEFORE you were moving up in my spot, but that’s just me.

The man formerly know as Dan - still...Superior

October 18th, 2012
9:39 am

If I told you when we met about my intentions, where my head (heart) was, and what I was looking for; if I haven’t made an explicit statement to the contrary, then assume things are still the same.

If “I’m not looking for a relationship” comes out of man’s – or woman’s mouth – believe it; until they say something different about being in a relationship with you.

There’s nothing you can do (extra) that’s going to change that person’s mind.

People live in phases, and sometimes, the next phase (stage, etc.) doesn’t involve you. Doesn’t mean you’re a bad person – nor are they – it may mean that it’s not y’all time.

disco

October 18th, 2012
9:39 am

dushawn – there was a comedian (don’t recall his name) who did a joke based on music soul child’s song. the joke song was:

who you think you effing wit
I ain’t trying to hear that isht
I bought you a drink and now you are my girlfriend.

The man formerly know as Dan - still...Superior

October 18th, 2012
9:43 am

And to those dating at this time of year, that ’sick’ is a sho nuff sign.

I once broke up with a woman that told me (after ‘the talk’) that she didn’t want “company”.

If you’re “company”, you ain’t the one.

Leggs

October 18th, 2012
9:48 am

I’m with you Comon on your 9:38.

Button

October 18th, 2012
9:51 am

“company” that’s a term I haven’t heard in years.

Bluzgirl

October 18th, 2012
9:52 am

CC – I agree. It was a dumb mistake and I learned a lesson by moving way too fast. We were spending all of our free time together at that point and it was obvious. The move in just kind of happened…I was duped! LOL

Button

October 18th, 2012
9:53 am

There’s nothing you can do (extra) that’s going to change that person’s mind. I second that

Leggs

October 18th, 2012
9:54 am

O/T: I won tix to The Stepper’s Ball tomorrow night after the R.Kelly concert at The Fox. Anybody going to the concert?

Button

October 18th, 2012
9:56 am

step in the name of love

Comon Cents

October 18th, 2012
9:57 am

So, I talked with the hubs last night and we are NOT going to ol girls party. My position? If you want ol girl to stop calling/texting outside of work, even if we attend the party together she will take that as a sign that she can continue to contact you socially.

Comon Cents

October 18th, 2012
9:58 am

Bluz~ How is Crimson doing?

Bluzgirl

October 18th, 2012
9:59 am

Awesome Leggs! Congrats!

I won tix to see Gov’t Mule tonight at the Tabernacle. I’m stoked!

Bluzgirl

October 18th, 2012
10:01 am

CC – Thanks for asking. Seems to be the same. I think the tumor has grown some, but it’s hard to tell. It could be my imagination thinking it’s getting bigger. She was being very active last night in the cage, so as long as she is feeling ok, I’ll try to relax and just enjoy her for the time she has left with me.

Leggs

October 18th, 2012
10:03 am

I’m stoked too, Bluz. Love stepping!

Leggs

October 18th, 2012
10:04 am

Bluz ~ never heard of Gov’t Mule, but congrats and enjoy yourself.

Button

October 18th, 2012
10:05 am

CC have your huband ask ol’girl to stop texting/calling after work? also, are you ok with them chatting socially after work? I’ve never been in this kind of situation, so I’m curious.

Bluzgirl

October 18th, 2012
10:05 am

I seem to have pretty good luck in winning tickets to shows, but I sure can’t win any lottery money!

Bluzgirl

October 18th, 2012
10:06 am

CC – I think ya’ll made a good decision to not go to the party. He’s gotta start drawing a line so she will stop reaching out to him.

SlimNu

October 18th, 2012
10:12 am

I would have had to have known that we were exclusive BEFORE you were moving up in my spot, but that’s just me.

CC – My thoughts exactly…unless we are merely going to be platonic roommates lol

Comon Cents

October 18th, 2012
10:12 am

Button, go back and read the end of the day yesterday. I would re-type it all, but it’s a lot. But, long story short, no, I am not ok with ol girl calling/texting outside of work.

disco

October 18th, 2012
10:13 am

bluz – speaking of parties. was talking to my brother last night he’s planning to attend a Halloween party as the most interesting man in the world. he has even enlisted two female friends to be his arm candy for the evening.