accessAtlanta

City & State or ZIP Tonight, this weekend, May 5th...
City & State or ZIP
City & State or ZIP Tonight, this weekend, May 5th...
City & State or ZIP

When a friend makes a pass

Some women are surprised when their guy friends admit feelings of attraction. This is especially true when she has placed him firmly in the Friend Zone aka “never gonna happen category.” When women make up their minds to be friends with a man, does he stand a chance at getting her to see him differently?

Once a friend makes a pass at you, it instantly changes the dynamic of the friendship. Some folks can get past it when the feelings are not reciprocated. What happens when they are, though? What would you say if a really close friend confessed that they had true – romantic feelings for you?

Do you think you could continue to keep them as a friend as long as they were pining for you? What if their admission made you realize you felt the same way?

Has that ever happened to you? Has anyone escaped the friend zone to get the romance with someone they know so well?

Happy Monday!

By Wise Diva, Misadventures in Atlanta Dating Blog

474 comments Add your comment

Single and Happier "Life is simple, if you stop making it so complicated!"

October 15th, 2012
7:25 am

“Do you think you could continue to keep them as a friend as long as they were pining for you? that decision would be up to them!

“What if their admission made you realize you felt the same way?” Then you go for it!!DUHHH

Has that ever happened to you? Has anyone escaped the friend zone to get the romance with someone they know so well? All the time, I wouldn’t have a relationship with someone that I’m not a friend with first.

“When women make up their minds to be friends with a man, does he stand a chance at getting her to see him differently?” The chances are none to slim!!!

“What would you say if a really close friend confessed that they had true – romantic feelings for you?” That would depend on how I feel about them, (never say never!!)

Celisea

October 15th, 2012
7:32 am

Morning, morning, morning!!! :mrgreen:

Have I had a friend to make a pass at me? Yuuuup! What happened? We hung out for a minute (as in a few years).

We’d been really really cool friends. Talked about everything, did everything together. Had a couple favorite spots in the city. I remember once him asking me what I was doing (that day) and I said a coworker and I were heading to lunch (at our “spot”) and he asked “why are you taking someone to our spot.” Joking of course but that’s how cool we were and particular about places and things we did together. Anyhoo, I have to be honest, there was a spark there after being cool a year or so. I had it and I felt it (from him). Well, one day while eating at one of our “spots”, he got up as if heading to the restroom, or so I assumed. He walked past me and next thing I know, he leaned in from behind and kissed me on the cheek. That was the “opening” of possibilities (of which I went ahead and took…the opening that is) and the beginning of a bit of awarkness at first. Once we got past the initial awarkness of something new opened to the both of us….you know me, I kicked the door open and approached and took the opening :mrgreen: I ain’t no scaredy cat…lol

He’s one I’ve mentioned on here before in several of my recollections or I should say “storytelling”, but I’ve never mentioned how things opened up. Well, that’s how and that’s him.

Celisea

October 15th, 2012
7:33 am

Morning, morning, morning!!!

Have I had a friend to make a pass at me? Yuuuup! What happened? We hung out for a minute (as in a few years).

We’d been really really cool friends. Talked about everything, did everything together. Had a couple favorite spots in the city. I remember once him asking me what I was doing (that day) and I said a coworker and I were heading to lunch (at our “spot”) and he asked “why are you taking someone to our spot.” Joking of course but that’s how cool we were and particular about places and things we did together. Anyhoo, I have to be honest, there was a spark there after being cool a year or so. I had it and I felt it (from him). Well, one day while eating at one of our “spots”, he got up as if heading to the restroom, or so I assumed. He walked past me and next thing I know, he leaned in from behind and kissed me on the cheek. That was the “opening” of possibilities (of which I went ahead and took…the opening that is) and the beginning of a bit of awarkness at first. Once we got past the initial awarkness of something new opened to the both of us….you know me, I kicked the door open and approached and took the opening I ain’t no scaredy cat…lol

He’s one I’ve mentioned on here before in several of my recollections or I should say “storytelling”, but I’ve never mentioned how things opened up. Well, that’s how and that’s him.

Celisea......new beginnings!

October 15th, 2012
7:38 am

Morning, morning, morning!!!

Have I had a friend to make a pass at me? Yuuuup! What happened? We hung out for a minute (as in a few years).

We’d been really really cool friends. Talked about everything, did everything together. Had a couple favorite spots in the city. I remember once him asking me what I was doing (that day) and I said a coworker and I were heading to lunch (at our “spot”) and he asked “why are you taking someone to our spot.” Joking of course but that’s how cool we were and particular about places and things we did together. Anyhoo, I have to be honest, there was a spark there after being cool a year or so. I had it and I felt it (from him). Well, one day while eating at one of our “spots”, he got up as if heading to the restroom, or so I assumed. He walked past me and next thing I know, he leaned in from behind and kissed me on the cheek. That was the “opening” of possibilities (of which I went ahead and took…the opening that is) and the beginning of a bit of awarkness at first. Once we got past the initial awarkness of something new opened to the both of us….you know me, I kicked the door open and approached and took the opening I ain’t no scaredy cat…lol

He’s one I’ve mentioned on here before in several of my recollections or I should say “storytelling”, but I’ve never mentioned how things opened up. Well, that’s how and that’s him!

Celisea

October 15th, 2012
7:40 am

Dernit. My laptop died and I left my charger in NC!

.

October 15th, 2012
7:53 am

.

October 15th, 2012
7:58 am

leave friends where they are

SlimNu

October 15th, 2012
8:02 am

Good morning….i’m sleepy as hell is all I can say for the moment.

Celisea

October 15th, 2012
8:12 am

BBL on topic

Celise.....happy life

October 15th, 2012
8:14 am

BBL on topic ::

Celise.....happy life

October 15th, 2012
8:15 am

:) is what I meant

CoolShadow

October 15th, 2012
8:39 am

Digging on your friend while being in the friend zone can be a precarious situation. Quite often it’s an irreversible position and you may try to exhibit relationship-worthy qualiities to show you belong but it’s in the end giving up boyfriend perks while in the friend zone. And it’s pretty frustrating to be in that situation while she’s checking someone who doesn’t exhibit half the qualities yet still looks to you for reliability and dependability.

Celise.....happy life

October 15th, 2012
8:57 am

Morning, morning, morning!!!

Have I had a friend to make a pass at me? Yuuuup! What happened? We hung out for a minute (as in a few years).

We’d been really really cool friends. Talked about everything, did everything together. Had a couple favorite spots in the city. I remember once him asking me what I was doing (that day) and I said a coworker and I were heading to lunch (at our “spot”) and he asked “why are you taking someone to our spot.” Joking of course but that’s how cool we were and particular about places and things we did together. Anyhoo, I have to be honest, there was a spark there after being cool a year or so. I had it and I felt it (from him). Well, one day while eating at one of our “spots”, he got up as if heading to the restroom, or so I assumed. He walked past me and next thing I know, he leaned in from behind and kissed me on the cheek. That was the “opening” of possibilities (of which I went ahead and took…the opening that is) and the beginning of a bit of awarkness at first. Once we got past the initial awarkness of something new opened to the both of us….you know me, I kicked the door open and approached and took the opening I ain’t no scaredy cat…lol

He’s one I’ve mentioned on here before in several of my recollections or I should say “storytelling”, but I’ve never mentioned how things opened up. Well, that’s how and that’s him!

Celise.....happy life!!

October 15th, 2012
8:58 am

Morning, morning, morning!!!

Have I had a friend to make a pass at me? Yuuuup! What happened? We hung out for a minute (as in a few years).

We’d been really really cool friends. Talked about everything, did everything together. Had a couple favorite spots in the city. I remember once him asking me what I was doing (that day) and I said a coworker and I were heading to lunch (at our “spot”) and he asked “why are you taking someone to our spot.” Joking of course but that’s how cool we were and particular about places and things we did together. Anyhoo, I have to be honest, there was a spark there after being cool a year or so. I had it and I felt it (from him). Well, one day while eating at one of our “spots”, he got up as if heading to the restroom, or so I assumed. He walked past me and next thing I know, he leaned in from behind and kissed me on the cheek. That was the “opening” of possibilities (of which I went ahead and took…the opening that is) and the beginning of a bit of awarkness at first. Once we got past the initial awarkness of something new opened to the both of us….you know me, I kicked the door open and approached and took the opening I ain’t no scaredy cat…lol

He’s one I’ve mentioned on here before in several of my recollections or I should say “storytelling”, but I’ve never mentioned how things opened up. Well, that’s how and that’s him!!

Celise.....happy life

October 15th, 2012
9:01 am

Yes, I’ve had it to happen and it lasted a few years

Comon Cents

October 15th, 2012
9:02 am

I think that a friend could successful move from the friend zone to a potential mate. I agree with S/H; the best relationships are the ones where you are friends first.

Good Morning, Bloggies!

SlimNu

October 15th, 2012
9:04 am

the best relationships are the ones where you are friends first.

It just sucks if the relationship goes awry, trying to go back to the pre-relationship status…

Celise.....happy life

October 15th, 2012
9:06 am

It started with hanging out, eating lunch. I would guess we’d been friends about a year. Well, while having lunch at one of our shots, he excuses himself, so I thought. From behind, he leans over and kisses my cheek. It was awkward a couple of weeks til we addressed. It lasted a few years.

Celise.....happy life

October 15th, 2012
9:07 am

spots not shots

halo46

October 15th, 2012
9:08 am

This happened to me with a very close friend and co-worker of 4 years. We were work buddies. We were both married at the time. I was getting a divorce after 2 years of knowing my best work friend, and he ended up divorcing his wife before I could finalize my divorce. Next thing I knew he wanted to date me. Wow! didn’t see that one coming. I saw him as a friend, more like a brother. And I told him so. I did the smack on the lips test to see if there was any chemistry. Nothing. We remained friends, but nothing like before. I took another position outside of the agency, and we called each other from time to time. He would try to make me jealous of the dates he was having, and I was in love with someone who turned out to be a loser. He told me so but I couldn’t see it at the time. Anyway, about 2 years later he ended up getting married and didn’t invite me to the wedding. I was so hurt. Why do you think he excluded me like that?

Into the Light

October 15th, 2012
9:22 am

Good morning!

co-signing Slim’s 8:02. Need…..more…..coffee……. :tongue:

Into the Light

October 15th, 2012
9:26 am

Comon Cents

October 15th, 2012
9:33 am

Good Morning, ITL! I cosing on you and Slim with the coffee thing. Already on my 2nd cup…

Celise.....happy life

October 15th, 2012
9:35 am

…….and when it ended, it ended. Friendship and all.

SlimNu

October 15th, 2012
9:39 am

ITL – For a hot moment, I was thinking, I guess coffee and tongue could get you going in the morning but it was a weird combination though :lol:

SlimNu

October 15th, 2012
9:39 am

halo – I can’t say that I’d want to attend the wedding of an ex.

Comon Cents

October 15th, 2012
9:44 am

halo~ I’m thinking that he didn’t invite you to the wedding because it would have been awkward. And, you said yourself, at that point you weren’t really friends anymore. Why would he invite you?

SlimNu

October 15th, 2012
9:50 am

Weddings are expensive, so it really wouldn’t make sense to just be inviting exes, old flames, old cut buddies etc to your specially expensive day ;-)

CoolShadow

October 15th, 2012
9:52 am

@Halo 9:08

You may not been invited because his hurt was deeper and seeing you there may have reignited feelings he had for you.

Into the Light

October 15th, 2012
9:53 am

LOL@Slim. Not that weird a combination…..especially if he brings me the first cup in bed. :wink:

kimmie

October 15th, 2012
9:59 am

Morning All!

A very good guy friend I had for years professed his feelings for me. I did not return those feelings and it was very awkward there for a minute. We got past it though, and not long after that he met the lady he eventually married. His sister-in-law works with my sister and every now and then we ask about the other. He was/is truly like a brother to me, so we will always be friends even though life has us not keeping in touch like we used to. I went to his wedding and he came to both my parents & my brother’s funeral. He is family.

Halo – Come on, be real.

halo46

October 15th, 2012
9:59 am

I see. Thanks. I don’t think it was an expense thing. One of our mutual friends (and former co-worker) was surprised not to see me there, but for some reason he seemed to understand why I wasn’t invited but didn’t care to explain it to me.

SlimNu

October 15th, 2012
10:01 am

I just couldn’t imagine trying to sip on a hot cup of joe, while Joe was giving me a little MP (mouth piece) lol

I know it’s quite early for a topic change but am I mistaken, or where they talking about depressed va jay jay’s on the Bert Show this morning????

Single and Happier "Life is simple, if you stop making it so complicated!"

October 15th, 2012
10:02 am

Halo, a good friend of mine that I wanted more with invited me to her wedding, and got upset because I didn’t go. We’re still very close friends now, but I wasn’t trying to see her marry another man.

disco

October 15th, 2012
10:03 am

good morning folks. I’ve seen the friends thing work and I’ve seen it backfire big time. personally, there are currently no men in my circle that I’d be willing to cross the line with. one recently made a few subtle passes and I just simply ignored them altogether rather than address them and possibly embarrass the guy. he’s a good guy and all but he’s too petite for me and he has a few issues (in my opinion) when it comes time to “manning up”. it wouldn’t work.

Single and Happier "Life is simple, if you stop making it so complicated!"

October 15th, 2012
10:04 am

Disco, what is manning up?

SlimNu

October 15th, 2012
10:09 am

I don’t have any male friends that I’d want to get with either…I know them too well lol

disco

October 15th, 2012
10:11 am

S/H – it’s actually an inside joke of ours. some years ago I had a house party. said guy was one of the folks in attendance. he waited good until he and the two guys he came with were getting ready to leave to pull me to the side and ask me what was up with one of my girls. said something about me giving his number to her for him. at that time I clowned him talking about he was a grown man and needed to man up. if he wanted to holler he needed to go holler. ever since then “man up” is a joke between us.

Button

October 15th, 2012
10:13 am

I recently went through this same thing. Guy was a friend but he kept making unwanted passes at me. He knew I was not single but he kept coming with the passes. I in return avoided him at all cost after politely letting him know that I wasn’t interested even if I was single. He just wouldn’t let go. He sends me text messges all the time. I don’t even respond and it’s even more awkward since we work in the same building and live a few miles away from each other. I befiended him because I thought he was a cool guy to have as a friend since we had common interests. Now I’ve lost what could have been a good friendship.

Single and Happier "Life is simple, if you stop making it so complicated!"

October 15th, 2012
10:14 am

Disco, give the brother a break, some of us can’t handle rejection well (LOL) But seeing as it was at a party, he should have had a couple of glasses of liquid courage and went for it (LOL)

Button

October 15th, 2012
10:16 am

I’m right there with you SlimNu, I know way too much tea to even think about going there with any of my male friends.

Bluzgirl

October 15th, 2012
10:16 am

Ugh…not a good start to this Monday. Hope that it gets a little better!

From what I’ve observed with friends, some of the best relationships started out as friends first. There are maybe one or two guy friends that I have that I would consider more with if they were to approach me. If it never happens, it’s fine because I enjoy their friendship.

Leggs

October 15th, 2012
10:16 am

Boy, we would be in a world of trouble if women were very surprised when a male friend makes a pass. There are so many men claiming to be friends that are waiting in the wings for that “opportune” time. It could be a time of duress, vulnerability, hurt. The gamut runs long and wide. (Story of my life).

“Once a friend makes a pass at you, it instantly changes the dynamic of the friendship.” – Not necessarily. It all depends on the degree of the “pass” and the maturity of both parties.

“Do you think you could continue to keep them as a friend as long as they were pining for you?” – Sure you can. If one continues to take it too far once I inform them I am not interested in them that way, then we may have to stop being friends. However, there are those who you can tell them you’re not interested and there’s no strain to the friendship. Again, depends on the maturity of the person and that they don’t go bonkers because they’ve been turned down.

” What if their admission made you realize you felt the same way?” – In that case, we would have to sit down and have a serious conversation.

Good morning, everyone!

kimmie

October 15th, 2012
10:16 am

Since I have gotten older, even before I married last year, I don’t have the opportunity for such to happen like I used to, to be honest. Once everyone started getting in serious relationships and marrying, having families and such, suddenly those good guy friendships were not as common. I have guy work friends, but that’s where it ends. None of the work buddies were/are dateable anyway. Either they are married, not straight, too old, too young or the biggest reason – they WORK with me.

Single and Happier "Life is simple, if you stop making it so complicated!"

October 15th, 2012
10:19 am

Umm Button, that wasn’t a friend!! Because friends don’t make passes at married friends!!

I’ve been in the “you’re not my type lets be friends” category,
only to moved to the “can you handle a FWB” category
then on to the “we can’t be anything anymore because they want a relationship, and all i want is sex” category.

disco

October 15th, 2012
10:20 am

hey leggs. I wasn’t even going to open the door on those “predatory friends” who hang around waiting for an opening. they never outgrow that move. grown, old A men still hoping to luck up on some just by being in the right place at the right time.

SlimNu

October 15th, 2012
10:26 am

Bluz – Did break the “Mags in case of vajajay emergency” glass over the weekend?

Leggs

October 15th, 2012
10:27 am

“they never outgrow that move.”

disco ~ I know this so very well. I have a friend a call “diehard.” He never gives up. 30+ years later! No joke! I still got it! :wink: Kinda joking.

Single and Happier "Life is simple, if you stop making it so complicated!"

October 15th, 2012
10:29 am

Leggs, Disco, we can only luck up on it if you want to give it too us. (never say never)

kimmie

October 15th, 2012
10:34 am

Leggs/disco – It’s actually very little that’s sadder. Old dudes hanging around waiting for crumbs. When more than likely they had a chance to come correct and have a life with some good woman, if not you then some other nice lady. But back then they were trying to be a player. Now they are an old, washed-up player. Not a good look.