Dating: I’m NOT your ex!
Full disclosure: I just received the coolest book about men to review. I mean, it is literally chocked full of revealing things about the male mind – appropriately titled, “WTF are Men Thinking?”
Admittedly, the title alone won me over. I couldn’t wait to dig in to get a glimpse of what 250,000 men think on topics that women are curious about. One question that struck a nerve with me almost instantly: “Does he compare me to her?”.
Now, listen fellas. Here is my PSA: A lot of women have to deal with their own insecurities from time to time. If you constantly compare us to your last chick or bring up your first wife, there will be problems.
Have you ever had this issue? If someone compares you to their ex, does that mean they are still in love with them?
Is it natural to compare your last relationship? When do you think it is appropriate to do so, and in what context?
By Wise Diva, Misadventures in Atlanta Dating Blog
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255 comments Add your comment
Exiled!
October 12th, 2012
2:10 pm
Skin a max ? Common I never heard of that
what’s the website add
Gimme everything u got in ur p0rn library
U seem to know watchu talki bout.
So if I meet u and u are in the company of ur sis in laws I should know uall blink,blink!
Single and Happier "Life is simple, if you stop making it so complicated!"
October 12th, 2012
2:15 pm
Comon, don’t be given bluz any bad advice, you know she can’t handle porn, if just reading about it makes her want to make that phone call!
kimmie
October 12th, 2012
2:19 pm
Exiled – I’m sensitive about the cooking thing cause that’s something I do that I take pride in. I could probably laugh it off if I couldn’t boil water. I’d probably laugh and tell you make sure you come & pick me up before you go over there again so I can get a good meal!LOL!
Cooking can be a sensitive thing with some women anyway, because it’s one of those “get a man” things that, if you can do well, you don’t need to hear your man gushing about some other woman’s cooking.
You playing crazy Exiled, but you get it.
Exiled!
October 12th, 2012
2:19 pm
11:15 Leggs
So some women in America live under polygamous situations then
Another woman wld have tolerated it right?
I thought this only happened in Utah
Bly me!
Living in rural america must be like Africa I think
Ofcourse some inner cities are worse than some African spots no doubt.
Leggs
October 12th, 2012
2:20 pm
Single, I was like ???? Watching porn is a great release when a person isn’t getting any. I think that would be the last thing a woman would want to watch. But, different strokes for different folks.
Single and Happier "Life is simple, if you stop making it so complicated!"
October 12th, 2012
2:22 pm
Leggs, we all know she couldn’t handle those strokes.
Bluzgirl
October 12th, 2012
2:22 pm
Don’t need porn, but it is ok every once in a while. Really only have to watch a minute or two and I’m good! LOL
Bluzgirl
October 12th, 2012
2:24 pm
AND…I can handle watching it without needing to make a phone call. Typically, when I watch the little bit, I’ve already got my toys out. I finish and I go to sleep!
Exiled!
October 12th, 2012
2:24 pm
I get u Kimmie!
In fact I never make a conscious effort to compare my wife with anybody on anything,maybe except for her younger sister.
Even with that too,she can take it bad.
Single and Happier "Life is simple, if you stop making it so complicated!"
October 12th, 2012
2:25 pm
Look at bluz getting a little back bone!! you tell us bluz!! (LOL)
Exiled!
October 12th, 2012
2:25 pm
U still feeling needing a fix Bluz..
since it’s freaky Friday?
…sorry if I’m triggering a relapse.
Leggs
October 12th, 2012
2:25 pm
I don’t even know if I should tackle your ramblings, Ex (lol).
SlimNu
October 12th, 2012
2:26 pm
Exiled – Skinamax is the movie network Cinemax…Everyone knows they play those soft p0rnlike movies after dark. It’s really only a tease…not the hard stuff you’d want to see. lol And after all this time, I’m surprised you still pine after Queens younger sister
Leggs
October 12th, 2012
2:29 pm
Single, texting,calling, probably use homing pigeon to get a msg to him to come QUICKLY. Well wait and come once he arrives, but to skedaddle over to her place as fast as he could.
Leggs
October 12th, 2012
2:31 pm
Ex, if I remember correctly, don’t you have the hots for Queen’s little sister. Meaning, if you had carte blanc you would definitely take advantage of the situation? If I’m mistaken, I apologize.
Single and Happier "Life is simple, if you stop making it so complicated!"
October 12th, 2012
2:31 pm
Leggs, those Progesso soup cans, got him on can dial (LOL)
Exiled!
October 12th, 2012
2:33 pm
U on point about that pining
Damn I have to go !
Leggs
October 12th, 2012
2:33 pm
Thanks SlimNu. I knew I remembered correctly.
Now, Ex. I sho as heck hope you don’t bring that up to Queen. That’s plain disrespectful if you even jokingly make remarks to her about her sister.
Leggs
October 12th, 2012
2:33 pm
Can dial…good one to add.
Single and Happier "Life is simple, if you stop making it so complicated!"
October 12th, 2012
2:34 pm
Leggs, that almost divorcerespectful, IJS
kimmie
October 12th, 2012
2:37 pm
Like Honey Boo Boo – You better redneckinize!!!LOL!!!!
Leggs
October 12th, 2012
2:38 pm
And no matter what the culture, it’s DISRESPECTFUL!
Single and Happier "Life is simple, if you stop making it so complicated!"
October 12th, 2012
2:41 pm
somethings are better left unsaid!!
kimmie
October 12th, 2012
2:42 pm
Single – Yep!!
Leggs
October 12th, 2012
2:43 pm
For some reason, apparently Ex doesn’t grasp that.
Man, I haven’t heard anything shocking in a long time until now! How can you call her your Queen then disrespect her position like that??? No need to answer, just something for you to ponder.
Robert
October 12th, 2012
2:44 pm
“Is it natural to compare your last relationship?”
Men are different from women when it comes to comparing relationships. For example women are emotional and will remember the little things as well as the bad things especially if the relationship was abusive. On the other hand men have a short memory unless they were emotionally damaged with little or no experience dealing with women. We call these men types (hen-pecked or pussycat whipped) which means he is physically and mentally under the control of a woman and he can not let go.
As a basic rule I always “leave the past in the past” and give my new woman a chance to make her own mistakes without measuring her success against someone else’s failures. I hope she will treat me the same way.
Single and Happier "Life is simple, if you stop making it so complicated!"
October 12th, 2012
2:45 pm
Leggs, things that make you go HMMMMM
kimmie
October 12th, 2012
2:46 pm
Leggs/Slim – What kills me is a dude saying or doing something disrespectful, and when their woman has a strong reaction to it, then she’s “insecure”!
SlimNu
October 12th, 2012
2:46 pm
I guess it goes back to the whole mind and temptation thingy some struggle with.
SlimNu
October 12th, 2012
2:49 pm
kimmie – or better yet, she’s CRAZY. Anyway they can find to throw that out there, they do.
Single and Happier "Life is simple, if you stop making it so complicated!"
October 12th, 2012
2:49 pm
Kimmie, I was thinking the same thing. some guys just don’t seem to get it.
DuShawn
October 12th, 2012
2:50 pm
I’ve been watching porn since it was on Sony Betamax, pre VHS and pre Direct TV, internet and DVD’s. Back then you had to get your porn the old fashion way. Go to the Adult video store (with the big XXX sign on the front), park in the back at night with the other perverts, walk in quickly with your head down, and hope nobody recognized you. When wifey and I started dating, she let me know she liked to watch flicks too. One day she took me to this porn superstore. This was like the Walmart of porn. Typically, I would be embarrassed and try to get in and out. She had me in there for an hour. She was leisurely perusing the new arrivals, reading the back of the boxes like we were in a dayum library. The chick behind the counter new her by name and said “your pre-order of Freak ho’s and flows and black cheerleader search arrived yesterday.” (No bullsh&t, I remember thinking to myself at that moment, this chick is interesting). Over the years, we have become such porn connoisseurs, when we watch we critique the lighting, camera angles and evaluate performances like we’re Siskel and Ebert. I believe our mutual appreciation for the art form was a direct contributor to us making three babies in our first four years of marriage.
Comon Cents
October 12th, 2012
2:55 pm
Well, (chiming back in after a meeting) I see Slim has clarified the Skin-A-Max reference, but if you’re really hankering for porn and don’t want to pay, check out http://www.xtube.com.
They have some ameteurs on there that can make me blush and whatever your fetish, they have it covered.
Or so I’ve heard…
(nod to swiss)
kimmie
October 12th, 2012
2:56 pm
Slim, speaking of temptation, do you watch Private Practice? I know Leggs does. Anyway, last week Sheldon the psychiatrist had a patient come in that was contemplating suicide. Sheldon was trying to get to the bottom of why. The guy started talking about this lady he used to see at a coffee shop all the time that was pretty and seemed nice. He started talking to her when he saw her and finally asked her out and she accepted. One thing led to another and they were about to get busy. He said she was beautiful and she got naked and he felt nothing. The only way he could get off was to think about Emma. Sheldon said that’s not a big deal to fantasize about another woman. Problem was, Emma was not a woman, she was 7 years old!! He said he had never acted on his feelings, but it was getting harder and the only way to prevent it was to kill himself!!! Sheldon did not want him to kill himself, but he told him if he didn’t get help to deal with it, his mind may start to trick him and tell him it’s okay to go ahead and act on it. It was so SICK!!!
SlimNu
October 12th, 2012
2:59 pm
kimmie – No i haven’t watched that but damn!!! Wacko Jacko….
Yall be easy, i’m outta here since I have to be back tomorrow.
HAVE A GREAT FREAKING WEEKEND
Bluzgirl
October 12th, 2012
3:00 pm
Ex – I wouldn’t mind getting a fix soon, but I’m good now! LOL
Comon Cents
October 12th, 2012
3:01 pm
kimmie~ I watch Private Practice and I was a little nauseous watching that episode. One area I have NEVER considered defending in criminal is child molestors. I just can’t do it.
Celisea
October 12th, 2012
3:02 pm
Peeking in a sec
disco – first things first. good for you C.
Just walked 2.6 miles…whew
Nothing more to add…I’ve said what I had to say on topic this morning
Sassy Me...PYT ;-)
October 12th, 2012
3:02 pm
She was leisurely perusing the new arrivals, reading the back of the boxes like we were in a dayum library…Over the years, we have become such porn connoisseurs, when we watch we critique the lighting, camera angles and evaluate performances like we’re Siskel and Ebert.
Ain’t nuthin wrong with that
Celisea
October 12th, 2012
3:02 pm
Ooops, I was saying thanks to disco
Bluzgirl
October 12th, 2012
3:03 pm
Have a great one Slim!!!
Exiled!
October 12th, 2012
3:03 pm
What’s disrespectful Leggs,I’m not following?
Leggs
October 12th, 2012
3:03 pm
DuShaw ~ I watched my first porn on a reel to reel, (8MM) I think. Also, I can’t seem to get too much to porn to excite me much because I too am acting like Siskel and Ebert. Certain things will excite me while others won’t.
Leggs
October 12th, 2012
3:05 pm
‘In fact I never make a conscious effort to compare my wife with anybody on anything,maybe except for her younger sister.
Even with that too,she can take it bad.’
Perhaps me, along with everyone else, read it wrong, Ex???
Leggs
October 12th, 2012
3:07 pm
Perhaps I….
Comon Cents
October 12th, 2012
3:09 pm
Leggs~ I think that what he is saying is that her younger sister is beautiful and the Queen thinks so too therefore she shouldn’t be insulted that he compares her to the younger sis. That being said, even though I see his point (I wouldn’t want to be compared to an ugly woman) I would still find it disrespectful if my S/O compared me to my sister. I would be thinking “Then why didn’t you go after her instead of me? Or am I sloppy seconds?!?”
Exiled!
October 12th, 2012
3:12 pm
U really haven’t lost any of ur writing and story telling skills Dushawn!
I was enjoying my afternoon coffee reading that!
Speaking of this sign here: ! … I’m so used to using it here that I wrote what was considered a testy response to some client program manager here that my own program mger asked me to read my email back to myself and see if I wasn’t testy…well I told him that was his opinion
this is what I said,’forget it Mary,the issue is closed!
I had told the heifer two times that the issue I was discussing with client resource was not impacting progress. And she says ’so why are u contacting him?’
I then send her that kick in the ass email.
Leggs
October 12th, 2012
3:12 pm
But, Comon we know he has the hots for her sister and she probably knows it too. The fact that she knows is disrespectful to ME. The first little off the cuff dig would be one too many.
Leggs
October 12th, 2012
3:15 pm
Has anyone here seen the video about the Cleveland bus driver upper cutting a female teenager? The girl was cussing and acting big and bad and this dude cold cocked her behind and then threw her and her belongings off the bus. Some of the passengers were laughing, while others started cussing him out. He felt she wanted to act like a bad ass man so he treated her like one. Man, that was cold.
Exiled!
October 12th, 2012
3:19 pm
Leggs.
For family members that my Queen loves dearly..it’s not that serious
Unles the comparison is debauchery now that wld be different
She compares me with my brothers who are all more handy than myself ,i must say and I’m
Cool with that.