Dating: I’m NOT your ex!
Full disclosure: I just received the coolest book about men to review. I mean, it is literally chocked full of revealing things about the male mind – appropriately titled, “WTF are Men Thinking?”
Admittedly, the title alone won me over. I couldn’t wait to dig in to get a glimpse of what 250,000 men think on topics that women are curious about. One question that struck a nerve with me almost instantly: “Does he compare me to her?”.
Now, listen fellas. Here is my PSA: A lot of women have to deal with their own insecurities from time to time. If you constantly compare us to your last chick or bring up your first wife, there will be problems.
Have you ever had this issue? If someone compares you to their ex, does that mean they are still in love with them?
Is it natural to compare your last relationship? When do you think it is appropriate to do so, and in what context?
By Wise Diva, Misadventures in Atlanta Dating Blog
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255 comments Add your comment
Single and Happier "Life is simple, if you stop making it so complicated!"
October 12th, 2012
11:26 am
Disco, Kimmie, I still say she’s better off without those guys, because who in the hell cares what you did 20 something years ago? Hell if there isn’t a warrant out for your arrest, we good!!
kimmie
October 12th, 2012
11:26 am
disco – The sheer disbelief “no this a–hole did NOT bring this beyotch up in MY house” would require nothing less than a ninja reaction!!LOL!! Oh it would have been on and popping!!! And I know it, cause I still remember back when my 1st serious boyfriend “grabbed” my arm. I was green and he kept doing things to see how far he could push me and I let a whole lot slide. But something in me straight snapped when he grabbed my arm!! I went batsh– crazy on him swinging. I then sat down and caught my breathe and jumped on him again.
His eyes got big as saucers and he said I was CRAZY!! But he never went there again, the brief time we were together after that incident!
Leggs
October 12th, 2012
11:26 am
Single, if I were a weak woman and stayed, I would have been Snapped’s first storyline!
disco
October 12th, 2012
11:26 am
bluz – no offense but I laughed at you taking a bat to someone. not that you wouldn’t but just because you put up with so much crap in your own life that it’s almost comical to watch you step up on someone else’s behalf. still, a friend who will swing a bat for you is a friend indeed.
kimmie
October 12th, 2012
11:29 am
if there isn’t a warrant out for your arrest, we good!!
Single – Okay!! You better recognized!!
Single and Happier "Life is simple, if you stop making it so complicated!"
October 12th, 2012
11:32 am
O/T I had my FRIED FISH for dinner last night and going to have some for lunch
disco
October 12th, 2012
11:34 am
kimmie – sometimes all it takes is that one good time. I think I mentioned on here my grandfather slapping my grandmother once when he was drunk. she let him pass out, tied him to the bed, beat him and then called the police on herself rather than untying him. she spent the weekend in jail and the story ran in the papers. my grandfather never raised his hand again after that though. she says he really caught heck from his friends who read about it in the paper. lol.
Bluzgirl
October 12th, 2012
11:35 am
disco – Trust…I came close to taking a bat to the ex, but he wasn’t worth the jail time!!! If he’d laid a hand on me, I would have put him in the hospital for sure.
kimmie
October 12th, 2012
11:37 am
disco – That actually sounds like something similiar that went down with my grandparents. Hey, it happens! But you right, all it takes is one good time. You might perceive a person as week and push them if you want to, at your own risk. One day, they will push back!!
disco
October 12th, 2012
11:43 am
kimmie – I love listening to those old folks’ tales. they aren’t all the sweet little old church ladies/men they appear to be. lol.
czBrat ♀ ♫•*¨*•Liviiing Singllle•*¨*•♫♪
October 12th, 2012
11:43 am
You might perceive a person as week and push them if you want to, at your own risk. One day, they will push back!!
these are the people i generally refer to as “aquarians”.
SlimUno
October 12th, 2012
11:56 am
It really irks me when dudes are so quick to throw the CRAZY status on a woman. I suppose they are all saints and we just go off for no apparent reason. Whatdafykcever!
disco
October 12th, 2012
12:15 pm
dag. must be lunch time.
Jeff
October 12th, 2012
12:16 pm
So what i heard some of you say in response to my comment was this: I’m not your ex, so don’t hold any of that over my head. But if my ex did something hurtful in the past, you need to recognize and respect my feelings?
Leggs
October 12th, 2012
12:33 pm
‘I then sat down and caught my breathe and jumped on him again.” – Now, that is some funny stuff right there!
Bluzgirl
October 12th, 2012
12:33 pm
Jeff…if your ex does something hurtful to you, I would be sure to not do it to you to respect your feelings…
Comon Cents
October 12th, 2012
12:40 pm
I’m flying in late today. Hey blogsville!
So many comments, not enough time.
Bluz~ I always find it funny that women who will put up with much crap in their own lives will cut a beyotch quick if something goes wrong in one of their friend’s lives.
Jeff~ Recognize and respect your feelings? Yes. Let you consantly bring up some isht your ex did to decide how I should behave? Negative, ghostrider! Everyone has buttons that are created by the situations that they have endured. Some are major (i.e. a woman who is “face-shy” because the ex hit on her) and some are minor (i.e. it annoys me when you watch Snapped because my ex did it all the time) Know what to bring up and what to let go. But if the ghost of your ex is sleeping in between us every night, eventually Imma leave you two to it. IJS.
Leggs~ Dude went to get his other family?
Where dey do dat? I wouldn’t have been moving my isht; he would have come home and his isht would be packed and ready to go in the garage and the locks would be changed. 
disco
October 12th, 2012
12:47 pm
bluz – I laughed because I could just hear me saying “man up. don’t nobody care about your feelings.” lol. still, I think back on a cousin of mine who dated a chick who was on the nasty side among other things. he ultimately got with and married another chick who was constantly trying to not be like the ex. it was overkill and screamed low self esteem. her every move and decision was based on not being like the ex was. simple chick.
Comon Cents
October 12th, 2012
12:49 pm
Slim~ AMEN to your 11:56!!! I hate when men talk about how crazy their ex was and then later you find out about all the terrible isht he did to her that MADE her act all crazy. It is definitely a thin line between love and hate and you can push a person to the point that all the passion they felt for you turns into good old fashioned hate and they just want to do something to hurt you.
SlimNu
October 12th, 2012
12:56 pm
I’m flying in late today
CC – Are your arms tired? hehehehe
Comon Cents
October 12th, 2012
1:06 pm
Slim~ My arms, my legs, my neck, my back. It’s all tired today. Thank GAWD it’s Friday. I have no court this afternoon, so I think I am going to bail out of the office early this afternoon.
Comon Cents
October 12th, 2012
1:07 pm
Although, I will qualify my statements by saying, it’s y’alls fault I am dragon azz today. Stayed up too late with the hubby last night.
He was like WTH got into you?!?
SlimNu
October 12th, 2012
1:13 pm
CC – Glad to hear the blog has some postive effects on peoples lives. For a second, I thought we were turning into a gang lol
Leggs
October 12th, 2012
1:13 pm
Bet he was glad for whatever it was that got into you!
i'm swiss
October 12th, 2012
1:15 pm
“My arms, my legs, my neck, my back.”
Comon — Why am I now hearing “my neck, my back, lick my p____y and my crack…”
Exiled!
October 12th, 2012
1:16 pm
Ok sorry it took me long to read back
But I read a little of disco,Kimmie and Leggs and uall chics have me laughing but in a good way…
A woman’s mind is special and waay different!
A secure man would kinda laugh the comparison(which is not a good verb here) or the gushing about so and so or even acknowledge and say ‘oh baby u know fixing stuff is not my thing,let’s get a guy to do this’
A woman,not so much.
Youall like to say,’u attacking me!’ even tho it is just a compliment to say ‘ugh,Joe’s wife can throw down in the kitchen!’
SlimNu
October 12th, 2012
1:17 pm
positive…oops
SlimNu
October 12th, 2012
1:18 pm
swiss – You know the same chick that sings that song had another song that went something like, “Like my p___y like a porkchop”
Who the hell licks a porkchop???
i'm swiss
October 12th, 2012
1:19 pm
Slim — Well d@mn. Does she mean to put some mashed potatoes and gravy on the side?
Comon Cents
October 12th, 2012
1:27 pm
swiss~ I was thinking of that song when I was typing it…
It was a GOOD night.
SlimNu
October 12th, 2012
1:28 pm
swiss – I have no clue but the thought of anything lumpy and white near the nether region don’t not a good look make.Might end up with a surprise yeast roll
Comon Cents
October 12th, 2012
1:28 pm
First you gotta put yo neck into it,
Don’t stop just do it, do it.
Lick it now, lick it good,
lick that pu–sy just like you should
Yeah. It was like that.
SlimNu
October 12th, 2012
1:28 pm
It was a GOOD night.
CC – Sounds like the remix of Ice Cube’s, “Today was a good day”…lol
Comon Cents
October 12th, 2012
1:30 pm
Ex~ There is a difference between complimenting your boy’s wife’s cooking and going on and on about how she made the dish and what ingredients she used, etc. etc. etc. That will get you slapped up in my house. My response would have been “Well, why don’t you move in with Joe and his wife and see if her p___y is as good as her cooking? I bet the 3 of you could be real happy over there.”
Exiled!
October 12th, 2012
1:32 pm
MrsAtl to ur 10:02
On a flight to Chicago last week a dude got up,reached for his carry on bag in the overhang bins and went to the bathroom.
If that were a mum with a small child or toddler,my mind wldnt have triggered anything
But I wondered..why? Obviously not to pee or drop kids in the plane pool
Why???
Any twinkle nimble brains out there??
Leggs
October 12th, 2012
1:32 pm
I may not say all that, but probably would nip it in the bud and tell him STFU with all the praise for her cooking, I’m sick of it!!!!!
Leggs
October 12th, 2012
1:33 pm
Perhaps he had to relieve himself and grabbed his penis pump? I hear they’re a big seller…
Single and Happier "Life is simple, if you stop making it so complicated!"
October 12th, 2012
1:40 pm
“But if my ex did something hurtful in the past, you need to recognize and respect my feelings?”
You need to let that isht go!!! and move on with your life!!
SlimNu
October 12th, 2012
1:41 pm
Leggs – HUH?
Ex – maybe he was going for his baby wipes since he a #2 emergency.
Single and Happier "Life is simple, if you stop making it so complicated!"
October 12th, 2012
1:41 pm
Comon, so you went to your happy place last night
Bluzgirl
October 12th, 2012
1:44 pm
CC – I’m jealous by the way!!! BUT…good for you!!!
Sassy Me...PYT ;-)
October 12th, 2012
1:48 pm
I’m doing waay too much work for a Friday…
Stayed up too late with the hubby last night. He was like WTH got into you?!?
Some situations call for a little “over time”
Ryder made an appearance last night,too…but I digress
Comon Cents
October 12th, 2012
1:49 pm
S/H~ Went to my happy place, slept in my happy place, didn’t want to leave my happy place for work this morning and planning on re-visiting my happy place tonight.
SlimNu
October 12th, 2012
1:51 pm
So what do yall have planned for the weekend? I’ll be working tomorrow but it’s all good because i’m in one of my “ME TIME” moods where I don’t really care to be bothered with anyone anyway. Sometimes I feel bad for not really wanting to hang out with my cuzzo but she already called me earlier in the week. *sigh*
Comon Cents
October 12th, 2012
1:53 pm
Bluz~ Porn is a good substitute if you haven’t had any for a while. (And I’m not talking that Skin-A-Max fake stuff either)
Leggs
October 12th, 2012
2:00 pm
Single, sounds like the hubby went to HIS happy place.
Exiled!
October 12th, 2012
2:00 pm
Leggs/Common?
To both your responses,which is kinda funny,at least in our household coz,in our African culture,if I visit or get a visitor especially friend,aquaintance etc,you offer food. It’s considered a sign of being hospitable and warm.
So if I call Queen and say I’m dropping by so and so’s crib,I may be late and then proceed later get home in time for a chat before bed,one of the top four/five questions is,’so what did Jane etc cook for uall?’
See,it’s a trap!
Leggs
October 12th, 2012
2:03 pm
Slim ~ I don’t have too much planned. Ggoing to 2nd Annual DeKalb International Food & Music Festival @Northlake tomorrow (12-6 pm). Hanging with a gf this evening.
Leggs
October 12th, 2012
2:05 pm
Ex, it’s only a trap if you hem yourself up by bragging relentlessly on someone else’s cooking. BTW, in our culture we used to offer food as well. Nowadays, you can get a drink before you get a meal.
Exiled!
October 12th, 2012
2:06 pm
Slim..I wil take that..it’s a real possibility
Dude was a row ahead and ordering liqor..
Hmmmm
Anymore gutter thinkers?
A long time ago I heard that a British singer had,either no stomach or some other condition I can’t put a finger on but dude had a side tube to do #4 Heavy lifting. Maybe this dude had his pipe in there…
dude looked funny anyway….funny how the mind works when u are busy grading somebody mentally and negatively.
Yes,I Judge! (as if u didn’t know)