Temptation: Avoid or resist?
If you have a serious problem staying faithful to your significant other, how do you handle all the temptation that comes your way? I ask because my friend has a history of infidelity from his last marriage. He is just starting a new relationship and claims to have learned a lot from his divorce. Unfortunately, I see many of the same behaviors that led to his cheating in the past.
When it comes to temptation, is it better to avoid it all costs or find ways to resist it? I believe that a lot of people think they can handle flirting, number exchanges, or inappropriate conversations. The reality is, they don’t and it won’t be long before you are tempted…again.
If you are in a relationship, are you ever tempted to explore “extracurricular activities” with someone else? Have you ever been the person who tempted someone? What did/do you get out of it?
How do you handle temptation?
By Wise Diva, Misadventures in Atlanta Dating Blog
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134 comments Add your comment
Bluzgirl
October 4th, 2012
11:41 am
Shawn – You may not be getting physical with her, but don’t feel that it’s wrong if you are doing something you can’t tell the wife?
Lady~sharpness is > than smartness
October 4th, 2012
11:52 am
“SCENARIO: LADIES, you and your S.O./SPOUSE have a dinner party. He has a female friend you have never met in attendance. She goes to make her own plate and BRINGS HIM A PLATE TOO. Is there anything wrong with this, in your HUMBLE opinion? What if the woman that was making your dude’s plate was a FAMILY MEMBER or better yet his MOTHER? Would it be an issue then? FELLAS, would you be upset if a DUDE made your S.O./WIFE’S plate, and brought it to her?” Thoughts?
Comon Cents
October 4th, 2012
11:53 am
Bluz~ Not to jump in for Shawn (but I am going to!) No, he doesn’t feel that it’s wrong because he rationalizes that he is sooo pimp, that if he DID tell her, it wouldn’t be a problem.
Comon Cents
October 4th, 2012
11:55 am
Lady~ I think that if the woman bringing him the plate is a family member, it is very different than a woman who is his “friend”. I guess I have a different definition of friend too, because my SO should not have any female “friends” that he is close enough to that they would feel they needed to bring him a plate and I didn’t already know them. IJS…
Bluzgirl
October 4th, 2012
11:57 am
CC – I would think it would still be a problem if he told the wife, but that would be up to her…
Bluzgirl
October 4th, 2012
11:59 am
Lady – I’m gonna have to second what CC said…
Lady~sharpness is > than smartness
October 4th, 2012
12:02 pm
First, there shouldn’t be a dinner party where all unknowns aren’t introduced. Second, confidence and respect. Confidence in my relationship and my mate wouldn’t let me be upset. And respect wouldn’t let me take a plate from a man my mate doesn’t know. Think and act accordingly.
Lady~sharpness is > than smartness
October 4th, 2012
12:03 pm
cool ladies~
MsAtl
October 4th, 2012
12:03 pm
Lady- I would not have an issue if a female family member brought him a plate, but I would if it was a “friend,” especially since she would have to be familiar enough to know what he eats and does not eat. I realize that a man will have a life before me and I would not expect him to get rid of all of his female friends just because we are in a relationship, however, I firmly believe that any close opposite sex friend should be introduced to your s/o. I also do not believe that folks should go around collecting “new” opposite sex friends when they are married.
Lady~sharpness is > than smartness
October 4th, 2012
12:07 pm
chuckle MsAtl~
Comon Cents
October 4th, 2012
12:10 pm
Lady~ You betta preach, girl! I like the way you put that!
MsAtl~ I have to cosign on the “new” opposite sex friends. That always seems suspect to me, especially as scandalous as women can be today!
Bluzgirl
October 4th, 2012
12:11 pm
Anyone listen to the girl on the Bert Show this morning. I feel for her…after their “talk” last night, she is all excited and hopeful that things will work out when he seems to be on his way to breaking her heart again…
Comon Cents
October 4th, 2012
12:15 pm
Yeah, I listened. And my position is still the same as it was originally; you can’t fix stupid. And stupid is definitely the ability to believe that you are going to end up happily ever after even in the face of overwhelming evidence to the contrary…
Bluzgirl
October 4th, 2012
12:17 pm
I felt that way in the past about my ex, but after two years, I realized he would not give me what I want and need and let it go! I could NOT imagine waiting around for 9 years and then going backwards with slowing things down and just dating.
MsAtl
October 4th, 2012
12:25 pm
What is the Bert show? I feel like I am missing out on something here.
OMG Common! re, your 12:10 on scandalous. I just had that conversation with a guy. He said that females here in ATL seem “hungry and desperate” and he feels like he has to fend them off. I know plenty of women who say they will trust a man before another woman. I hate to say it but women can be scandalous & nasty; no professional courtesy at all! Heck! Even men have a code; we just seem to have competition. It’s just sad that we do not look out for one another. If you step to me & I know you are married or involved, I am going to send you on your merry little way. If that was the normal standard then it would severely cut down on the pool of females available to cheat with. I am not your competition! I can complement another woman on her clothing, hair, kudos to career success, whatever. If you succeed it does not take anything away from me because I know who I am and my worth and I am secure in that.
(soap box back in corner).
Bluzgirl
October 4th, 2012
12:31 pm
MsAtl…the Bert Show is the morning radio show on Q100…
Comon Cents
October 4th, 2012
12:34 pm
MsAtl~ You are funny! I have said the same thing for years re: scandalous females. I swear some women just think it is ok to plow another woman’s garden. I am always amazed! And while I love and trust my hubs, I am not with some big toothed bimbo being all in his face cheesin’. Negative ghostrider!
kimmie
October 4th, 2012
12:36 pm
I just had that conversation with a guy. He said that females here in ATL seem “hungry and desperate” and he feels like he has to fend them off.
MsAtl – Do you really believe he has to “fend them off”? Is he really all that or is this just a figment of his imagination? And is desperation just an “Atlanta” thing?
DuShawn
October 4th, 2012
12:37 pm
It’s really not that serious, but for the sake of conversation and to make the blog participants day go by faster, I will speak on it. Yes, it is inappropriate for rekindle this friendship unbeknownst to wifey. If she did not know the history between us, I would introduce them.
-Commom- It’s not that I’m “so pimp”, I’m a true grown up, damn near an old man. I dun dun it all. In the past, if I met a woman that I thought was engaging and fun to hang out with, I would tell her she should meet my wife because they both have similar personalities. Occasionally, those introductions resulted in lasting friendships. Ironically, the sweetheart has expressed a desire to meet wifey if I thought it was cool, but that’s not gonna happen. My interest has already begun to diminish. My exit is inevitable. I’m just trying to decide should I leave her with a Santa Clause face on my way out (j/k…sorta).
SlimUno
October 4th, 2012
12:38 pm
I feel the same way about folks knowingly hooking up with people that are already involved. I do not want to sign up to be your side piece. This right here does not come a la carte….entree only
abc
October 4th, 2012
12:38 pm
If temptation is present (for whatever reason and in whatever scenario) better to avoid it than to try to resist it, if that’s the question.
Romney clearly came out way ahead in last night’s debate. Another one of those will pretty much swing the thing toward the right.
Celisea
October 4th, 2012
12:43 pm
Y’all are waaaaay too funny…whew buddy!!! Gotta run
Lady~sharpness is > than smartness
October 4th, 2012
12:50 pm
I honestly feel that while Barack didn’t speak to some of the issues that could have been addressed, I feel he acted in a PRESIDENTIAL MANNER. Now you know if he would have started really ‘GOING IN’ on Romney, he would have been called the ‘ANGRY BLACK MAN’! What are your thoughts? Should he have really ‘SONNED’ Romney in your HUMBLE opinion?” Thoughts?
Comon Cents
October 4th, 2012
12:53 pm
Slim~ I like that. No a la carte~ entree only…
Celisea
October 4th, 2012
12:53 pm
Exactly Lady….danged if he does or doesn’t
bye!
MsAtl
October 4th, 2012
1:05 pm
Common- “plow another woman’s garden” lol. Reminds me what’s the one thing in common a farmer and a pimp need to stay in business? ` hoes!
Kimmie-Yeah, he good, but I think he meant “fend” as in decline or refuse to give them his number. The word kind of brings to mind beating them off with a broom huh? Lol. No, desperation is not an ATL thing, but good grief I have seen some bold ones! A chick pushed her number in my nephew’s hand after he told her he was there with his pregnant fiancee and daughter. She told him “I don’t see no ring on your finger.” Uh, chick, he’s engaged not married; you wouldn’t! I gave that chick the serious side eye.
abc
October 4th, 2012
1:07 pm
An aggressive response would have been extremely stupid. He wasn’t very comfortable; he didn’t project himself very well; no great responses — in fact, starting off with avoiding the very first question Lehrer gave him was a huge mistake. Obama didn’t speak very well at all, which was a surprise.
Lady~sharpness is > than smartness
October 4th, 2012
1:15 pm
Lehrer was a joke~ no control but anyway I am not undecided so to those who need to be convinced by the other dude with a debate shows where they really stand they ain’t feeling him either lol
Lady~sharpness is > than smartness
October 4th, 2012
1:16 pm
Matt Ryan has been named the NFC Offensive Player of the Month for the month of September!
Go Falcons!
Lady~sharpness is > than smartness
October 4th, 2012
1:20 pm
I have finished my major task buddy! yay!
Where is cba?!? Thanks again sir!!!!
Comon Cents
October 4th, 2012
1:23 pm
Yay, Matty Ice!!!!
Lady~ That is always the funny thing to me about Presidential debates. Realistically, those who watch them have already decided who they are voting for and the debate is not going to sway their decision. The swing voters rarely watch them. What’s the point?
kimmie
October 4th, 2012
1:23 pm
MsAtl – Yeah, I figured he meant it like that, refusing the number.
Your example about your nephew reminds me of an experience I had with an old boyfriend. We were leaving a nightclub and had to walk thru a thick crowd to get out. He was holding my hand as he led us out. As we were holding hands he was still getting hitting on by women and I was still getting hit on by men! They saw us holding hands!
I think a lot of people are still not used to women being the aggressor. Women are labled as desperate while a man in the same position is just doing what’s expected and being “persistent” and going for what he wants. Yet some criticize those women that are not comfortable approaching men first. Funny!
abc
October 4th, 2012
1:26 pm
Yeah well… like the last several Presidential elections, there doesn’t seem to really be a candidate to vote for, only ones to vote against, from where I sit.
Comon Cents
October 4th, 2012
1:27 pm
kimmie~ I think there is a difference between merely approaching a man and some of the lengths that women seem to go through to attract a man’s attention here lately. They have gone way beyond merely “approaching”…
Comon Cents
October 4th, 2012
1:30 pm
abc~ agreed with your 1:26. I think it has come down to the lesser of two evils again…
kimmie
October 4th, 2012
1:33 pm
Comon – I agree. But it’s what some men have been doing all along.
Robert
October 4th, 2012
1:36 pm
“How do you handle temptation?”
Whenever I step outside of my home I struggle with “temptation” everyday. For example doing routine tasks such as going to the gas station, grocery store, Church or at a traffic light going to work I find temptation everywhere I go. I realize I am “addicted” to women and I struggle to stay “sober” daily. I wonder how many men are “addicted” to women?
Lady~sharpness is > than smartness
October 4th, 2012
1:39 pm
interesting dialogue~ nothing new huh~ lol
kimmie
October 4th, 2012
1:43 pm
Lady – Nothing new at all!
Comon Cents
October 4th, 2012
2:00 pm
Robert~ We don’t call that addicted; we call that greedy.
Lady~sharpness is > than smartness
October 4th, 2012
2:01 pm
PSA: I do not argue with ignorance. Some people are so extreme in their beliefs that they truly that assume insulting others will produce conformity. Yeah ummm…not for me. It’s a shame that you can’t turn your negative into a positive because of your way of thinking. I simply pray for people like you. Your life has got to be miserable when all you see and think is negative.
Comon Cents
October 4th, 2012
2:02 pm
sidebar~ I do love the fact that women have reached the point where they are becoming more like men in the sense that they don’t assume that sex=relationship.
Comon Cents
October 4th, 2012
2:03 pm
Lady~ ???
DuShawn
October 4th, 2012
2:04 pm
-Robert- I feel you. In Atlanta, there are beautiful women everywhere you look. I too am a recovery addict. As a man, one has to eventually evolve to the point where you can enjoy a woman’s beauty without having to partake. I met some friends in New Orleans for the essence festival a few months ago.
Awsome, is too weak of a word to describe all those gorgeous women. My potnah made a comment that I was not the hunter I once was. I replied, I’m harmless these days, I just want to watch them walk by!
Lady~sharpness is > than smartness
October 4th, 2012
2:05 pm
random vent cc just amazing sometimes reading between the lines~ #gofigure
Comon Cents
October 4th, 2012
2:08 pm
Gotcha, Lady!
Robert & Shawn~ You act like only men feel that way. I love to look at a nice, handsome well groomed good smelling man. In fact, I commented about one that I saw on the elevator in my building a few weeks ago. However, it goes no further than that because I would NEVER want to jeopardize what is true for what is a fleeting moment of desire.
Exiled!
October 4th, 2012
2:11 pm
U guys still on cheating:
Anyway u know a heffa is trying to get in where she thinks she fits when she asks about your kids but not your wife.
Comon Cents
October 4th, 2012
2:14 pm
Ex~ TURTH!!! Or the lady who is always in his face asking how his job is going. How his kids are, etc, but NEVER asks about the wife and will cut the conversation short real quick if he says “My wife and I so and so…”
Single and Happier "Life Happens!"
October 4th, 2012
2:15 pm
comon you mean you didn’t you a lil of that (LOL)
Exiled!
October 4th, 2012
2:18 pm
Common?
can we have a sidebar about your sidebar?
We don’t have to kiss!