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Temptation: Avoid or resist?

If you have a serious problem staying faithful to your significant other, how do you handle all the temptation that comes your way? I ask because my friend has a history of infidelity from his last marriage. He is just starting a new relationship and claims to have learned a lot from his divorce. Unfortunately, I see many of the same behaviors that led to his cheating in the past.

When it comes to temptation, is it better to avoid it all costs or find ways to resist it? I believe that a lot of people think they can handle flirting, number exchanges, or inappropriate conversations. The reality is, they don’t and it won’t be long before you are tempted…again.

If you are in a relationship, are you ever tempted to explore “extracurricular activities” with someone else? Have you ever been the person who tempted someone? What did/do you get out of it?

How do you handle temptation?

By Wise Diva, Misadventures in Atlanta Dating Blog

134 comments Add your comment

Lady~sharpness is > than smartness

October 4th, 2012
6:46 am

Good Morning MIA~

Interesting Topic for this Terrific Thursday! Be Back Later! ;)

Single and Happier "Life Happens!"

October 4th, 2012
7:24 am

If you want to be faithful, temptation will not be a problem. No one can make you do something you don’t want to do, regardless of who they are!

Celisea

October 4th, 2012
7:28 am

Morning!!

Heading out soon to hit the road for the golf tourney. Working from home but I need to stop by the job. So, I’m up and online looking at emails early. Been IMing with a coworker :) She’s in NC not heading anywhere so why is she up so early? lol

On topic: Each of us are human and not beyond falling into temptation. Temptations are around us everyday. Keep yourself away from situations where you know you’ll fall, grow weak or cannot endure. Not saying tuck tail, but knowing your limits and those things that will cause you to grow weak IMO is common sense. Too, always place yourself in the position of the person that will be hurt.

I’m sooooo trying not to turn the heat on yet. It’s chilly in here!

Celisea

October 4th, 2012
7:32 am

I don’t like bathing in the cold :evil:

Celisea

October 4th, 2012
7:34 am

Why do I have 56 emails before 8:00 am?

Lady~sharpness is > than smartness

October 4th, 2012
8:04 am

lol C~ pressing huh~

Lady~sharpness is > than smartness

October 4th, 2012
8:05 am

This topic makes me think of the Secret Garden song by the many old school r/b artists~ ;)

Celisea

October 4th, 2012
8:11 am

Yes honey…lol Alright, I’m heading out. Gotta get coffee and put something on my tummy..lol I’ll peek in later. Hold it down now!!

Exiled!

October 4th, 2012
8:16 am

Temptation?

You can’t gouge the eyes,can you.
It’s hard!
Especially when you have a skewed women-men ratio.

The authorities need to legalize polygamy so we get over this damn one man, one woman monster.
Those with resources then get freed up to take on bigger responsibilities,and more enduring libidos (longevity,as uall say) etc.

Without that,some women are for ever going to be without and I don’t think God likes that!
So if a woman gets in where she can fit in,who can blame her,when her nether is feeling it?
The western world sells a monogamy lie,then we have the very rigid proponents of that lie stumbling…newt Gingrich,Eddie(even worse),Ted haggard,you name them…folks on the right!

You can’t blame the menfolk either.

Legalize it. Free the men!

Stay thirsty my friends.

Exiled!

October 4th, 2012
8:47 am

Obama was a HUGE HUuuGe disappointment last nite.

No sugar coating it.

SlimUno

October 4th, 2012
9:02 am

If you want to be faithful, temptation will not be a problem. No one can make you do something you don’t want to do, regardless of who they are

SH – I think i’lll cosign this…not trying to toot my own horn but dudes try to hit on me often and it’s no thing to shoot down their advances before it even gets to a stage of be “TEMPTED” or having to decide over my mind and logic versus the CT in my pants.

Ex – I heard them discussing Obama on the radio this morning. The way they described him was as a chess player not a checker player. They believe that he was trying to keep cool to allow for Romney to expose his hand so that he could come back and use it in upcoming debates. Who knows…just a theory. ;-)

SlimUno

October 4th, 2012
9:07 am

Cel – You remind me of what my mom said her hubby told her once. He said, it’s best to prevent yourself from compromising sitautions because you never know what you’d do if your back is against the wall. He said he rather avoid any sticky sitatuations altogether because if you find yourself with a buck nekkid chick in front of you, you just might end up fugging her. :lol:

kimmie

October 4th, 2012
9:27 am

Morning All!!!

Slim, I heard the same assessment of the debate. That’s how he always plays it. Folks better recognize. Oh, and the fact-checkers are going crazy! All imma say about it!

On topic – Like Cel said, we are all human and have been tempted by something or someone at some point. The key is to recognize what your weaknesses are and manage them – not have someone manage them for you. If your relationship is important to you and you respect it, you will do what is necessary to preserve it. It’s not enough to give it lip service either. If you say you don’t want to cheat, yet keep putting yourself in compromising positions, well you guys know the rest……

MsAtl

October 4th, 2012
9:34 am

Morning all!

I co-sign on S/H also. If you value your relationship, then you will avoid cheating. And beyond that, there are certain behaviors other than sex that are inappropriate if you are in a committed relationship. Furthermore, if you know you have the willpower of a six-year old, do not put yourself in a situation where you will be tempted. I know some folks that should just plain old be on a deserted same-sex island, lol. I don’t buy that “it just happened” or “it was a mistake” excuse. A person doesn’t just “happen” to slip & land in some puddy and there are plenty of moments at which you can extricate yourself from a situation before it goes too far; a conscious choice to do something is not a mistake; it is a choice.

O/T- Today is Thursday, otherwise known as Friday Eve. Where is five o’clock?

Exiled!

October 4th, 2012
9:36 am

Slim..I hear u..but fact checkers are for the elite and folks who really read this stuff.
In front of millions I wld disagree with his consultant for playing safe. That gave the joker impetus to pounce….attack attack attack…and I was impressed with his defense.
Why not be hung HP and said ‘we killed Bin Laden period,Alq what their name is eviscerated in Afghanistan, why not said that blatant truth. ??

Ummm I’m not happy! And Iam a huge supporter

I wrote checks to this guy! So it’s not like..

Ok
Forget it :lol:

Exiled!

October 4th, 2012
9:37 am

I wasn’t impressed with his defense(meantto say)

Comon Cents

October 4th, 2012
9:39 am

I guess the question that this topic raises for me is “Is emotional cheating the same as physical infidelity?” Many people are guilty of already committing the crime in their heart, even if they haven’t committed it with their body. Therefore, IMO, once a cheater always a cheater. And as my momma used to say, If he’d cheat with you then he’ll cheat on you.

Lady~sharpness is > than smartness

October 4th, 2012
10:02 am

interesting CC~

Button

October 4th, 2012
10:05 am

Lead us not into temptation….

Temptation is all around, I’ve had times when I’ve gotten caught up and I have to remind myself that I’m not available.

How do you handle temptation? I think of my guy and what we’re headed towards.

Comon Cents

October 4th, 2012
10:21 am

Lady~ Wouldn’t you say that Shawn is headed in this direction? While he says that he has not done the physical with little Miss Childhood Sweetheart, he is having lunches at her spot and draining bottles of wine with her. IMO, he has already cheated. He might as well go ahead and plow little Miss, because what he’s doing is actually worse. As a wife, I would be able to get past a physical relationship much faster than I could get past an emotional one. Physical weakness is weakness of the flesh. It happens. Emotional infidelity is symptomatic of a much bigger problem in the relationship IMO.

Lady~sharpness is > than smartness

October 4th, 2012
10:25 am

yup more empathetic tied with long emotions of lust and fantasies of the “what if’s” or living for the moment without regard…..yup a bit clinical too but I digress :-)

Button

October 4th, 2012
10:26 am

I agree @ Common Cents

MsAtl

October 4th, 2012
10:27 am

Common- I agree with you on that being where Shawn is headed, but disagree that he should go ahead & plow her (although I think you were just joking there). Shawn- what say you???

Yes, emotional cheating hurts worse, but neither is okay, which is why it is better to avoid putting yourself in that situation in the first place. Whenever I would go out with my co-workers, I would let my ex know I was going rather than for someone to tell him I saw your wife with another guy. This way it is out in the open and known that it was a co-worker instead of some un-named male where my ex’s mind could wander. And he knew (or should have known) me well enough to know that I do not get my p & my paycheck in the same place. He didn’t subscribe to that philosophy, but still…..

SlimUno

October 4th, 2012
10:28 am

Ex/kimmie – Blog monster ate my first post but I can’t believe I missed all the f-bombs that were dropped.

Bluzgirl

October 4th, 2012
10:30 am

If you really care about someone, there should not be temptation to cheat. I told my ex that I would much rather him call me and break up before cheating on me. The problem with him is that he cheated with me over 10 years ago and I never trusted him 100%. I don’t think he cheated on me, but I may never know…

Celisea

October 4th, 2012
10:32 am

Absolutely gorgeous here!! Apparently we’re (blog folks) are the only ones that work. It’s packed here!

I pretty much agree with what everyone said on topic. Well, off to my post.

Celisea

October 4th, 2012
10:33 am

Lady~sharpness is > than smartness

October 4th, 2012
10:34 am

Comon Cents

October 4th, 2012
10:35 am

MsAtl~ I was being facetious about going ahead and plowing her, but you get the point. With what he’s doing, he has already committed the crime.

Lady~sharpness is > than smartness

October 4th, 2012
10:35 am

I have finally caught up with all my work except one tasks plus a three day off weekend awaits! Can’t wait to close out tomorrow~

Celisea

October 4th, 2012
10:35 am

Thanks Lady!!

Celisea

October 4th, 2012
10:37 am

one last…someone is wearing Daisy Dukes!!

Comon Cents

October 4th, 2012
10:37 am

Bluz~ Can I ask you a question? (That’s rhetorical because I am going to ask anyway.) You can choose not to answer of course. But I am just curious, if he cheated WITH you why would you believe he didn’t cheat ON you? I have never understood women who cheat with a dude and then swear up and down it’s different when they’re with him.

Lady~sharpness is > than smartness

October 4th, 2012
10:38 am

GlammourGirl

October 4th, 2012
10:42 am

Comon – You don’t think people can change? I have never been able to get past anyone cheating on me because the trust was gone. But I don’t necessarily think they’ll cheat on the other women they’re with for the rest of their lives.

Bluzgirl

October 4th, 2012
10:46 am

CC – I guess I just thought that our love was different and he would never do that to me. It was so long ago that he cheated with me and I thought that he was reformed. I really don’t think he did cheat on me, although I’m sure he was tempted. Since I never found proof that he did, I will choose to believe that he did not.

SlimUno

October 4th, 2012
10:50 am

CC – I’m not sure if you’ve ever seen that show called Unfaithful. I believe it comes on the OWN network. But anyway, they said that 75% of relationships that start as affairs or from cheating fail.

Comon Cents

October 4th, 2012
10:53 am

GG~ I think that most cheaters tend to be serial cheaters. There has to be something in you psychologically that would allow you to be a cheater in the first place. Without some counseling or some traumatic event that caused the pattern to change I don’t believe that the behavior will just “clear up on its own”.

Bluz~ When you cheated with him, did you guys get caught? If you didn’t, my question would be that even though you had no proof, how can you believe that he didn’t cheat on you?

Comon Cents

October 4th, 2012
10:55 am

Slim~ Exactly! No only that, but an affair creates an unrealistic environment for a relationship based on lies to grow. All of the day to day BS you put up with in a relationship, you don’t have in an affair. Cooking dinner, cleaning up after him/her, putting up with their mood swings, etc. The affair gets all the fun and the spouse gets all the work.

Lady~sharpness is > than smartness

October 4th, 2012
10:57 am

Lady~sharpness is > than smartness

October 4th, 2012
10:57 am

potato soup for lunch~ yum brb

MsAtl

October 4th, 2012
11:03 am

Bluz, yeah you told your ex that, but seriously? I also sat my ex down & explained that we got married young and that after all we had been through we could just divorce, remain friends and continue raising our children. I told him that if felt the urge to cheat (again) to let me know prior to doing it & I would be gone. Instead, he chose to have his Kate & Edith too. He cheated with several of his patients and attempted to hide the pregnant one by getting her a secret bank account & credit card. He had no intention of going anywhere. Of course I found out and was gone from there; now he mad!
Common- I won’t say that people absolutely can’t change, because I thought my ex would after counseling. However, with him, he was in counseling when he impregnated his patient and I believe he also cheated on her with another one while she was pregnant. While I refuse to say that no one can ever change, I will say that I am almost certain that my ex will not.
side bar- his mistress was also married. If both of you are married and cheating with each other, how can either of you be comfortable in the “relationship?”

SlimUno

October 4th, 2012
11:06 am

CC – That’s exactly what happened in one of the stories. The guy started an affair with a chick from the strip club or ‘gentlemans club’ i should say lol. He ended up leaving his wife only after she had a PI follow him on all his out of town trips. Anyway, after he divorced his wife, he went on to try to make a relationship with the stripper lady but he said it totally changed being together all the time and said she couldn’t deal with the pressures of a real relationship. (basically what you said) The fantasy had worn off and reality set in so that eventually fell apart. I guess that’s why so many people cheat to get a break from the everyday stuff. Then after they get their fix, they hop back into reality mode.

DuShawn

October 4th, 2012
11:07 am

“emotional cheating”….lol, the female mind, you gotta love it. Only a woman thinks like this. Most men don’t “emotionally” cheat. Either we hittin it or we’re not.
”The affair gets all the fun and the spouse gets all the work…” That’s so true, but the flipside is that the mistress has no power. She accepts what she gets and is subject to an unceremonious dismissal at anytime.

Bluzgirl

October 4th, 2012
11:08 am

CC – We did get caught. He and the girl he was with at the time had the bad habit of cheating on each other. She figured out pretty easily that he and I were hooking up. At the time, I thought they were broken up because that’s what he told everyone.

I have to believe that he did not cheat on me. I just have to…

MsAtl

October 4th, 2012
11:11 am

Bluz, I will not interfere with your fantasy…

Lady~sharpness is > than smartness

October 4th, 2012
11:21 am

EMOTIONAL CHEATING 26 up, 3 down
An Act of Infidelity to gain an advantage over a partner that has formed trust or a commitment with cheater. Mostly going undetected by the uninvolved party and usually accomplished through lies of omission or commission. Typically, whether it is advertant or inadvertant, It can do emotional damage to the partner uninvolved. At times, more than physical cheating because sometimes physical cheating is just about the sexual relationship and not much else. emotional cheating is particularly hurtful because its two parties forming a bond that the uninvolved party don’t know about or may have been misrepresented.

http://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=emotional+cheating

Comon Cents

October 4th, 2012
11:30 am

Cosign on MsAtl’s 11:11…

Comon Cents

October 4th, 2012
11:32 am

Shawn~ And that is why you see nothing wrong with what you’re doing. However, put the shoe on the other foot. Would you be staying with the wifey if she was off having long lunches and bottles of wine with the old sweetheart without your knowledge?

Bluzgirl

October 4th, 2012
11:41 am

He may have cheated on me…but what I don’t know won’t hurt me! :-) If he did, I hope to NEVER find out!!!