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Dating: It’s all about perception?

I have an ongoing argument with many of my guy friends about how they perceive women. Specifically, the way a man perceives a woman influences how they will approach her, the level of interest, and in some cases their intention.

My problem with this idea is that men can misread women a lot (I know women do this all the time too, though). So what happens is men size women up, determine her worth/value based on some kind of “system”. Then their effort/lack of effort is based on how they perceive the woman. Now my friends say that all men do this, even if they won’t admit it.

Women can’t ever know for sure how they are being perceived, so I don’t think this is something we should worry about. I just wonder if men are missing out on a lot of great opportunities because they have the wrong perception about a possible Ms. Right.

What do you think? Is it all about perception? If so, does this idea explain why so many of us meet fake people on the dating scene?

By Wise Diva, Misadventures in Atlanta Dating Blog

142 comments Add your comment

Lily

October 3rd, 2012
6:48 am

Perception is reality, their reality. Sometimes I’m misread as well, but I don’t fret about it. How ironic this being the topic. I was checking on a friend about a week or so ago, who in turn complimented such a sweet gesture. Those that take the time to look beyond the outer are often pleasantly surprised!

Single and Happier "Life Happens!"

October 3rd, 2012
6:59 am

“Now my friends say that all men do this, even if they won’t admit it.” no all men don’t do this.

“Is it all about perception?” not for me

“What do you think?” I try not to perceive any anything about anyone without getting to know them first.

“does this idea explain why so many of us meet fake people on the dating scene?.” yes

Lady~favor ain't fair! :-)

October 3rd, 2012
7:03 am

Hey Y’all!!!!!!

Perception & Projection is a mofo sometimes~ ;)

Be Back Later!

Lily

October 3rd, 2012
7:07 am

Good morning Lady! You are in early today :)

Blackfoote: The Real Blackfoote

October 3rd, 2012
8:01 am

I don’t know about other men but I have no system for approaching women I size her up the same way she would me. When I approach her I don’t use a matrix system as a guide of reference my intuition works very well. If she finds me unsuitable I’m fine it’s her perogative, if I percieve her to be a b!tch I may be wrong. I don’t percieve anything when I’m trying to cozy up with a woman. If somebody acts an ass then I will perceive them as that, I wont percieve anything in a courtship it’s easier to just ask.

SlimUno

October 3rd, 2012
8:02 am

I’m curious what perception I give others when they first meet/see me.

Good Willy Nilly Wednesday all

Blackfoote: The Real Blackfoote

October 3rd, 2012
8:17 am

I think books are great even though I don’t read any…..LOL, but if this is coming from a book and speculation on how to find love and perceive people well the publisher is banking folks money. Sorry there are no love potions, books that give you day to day details to find happiness and it don’t take a lot of effort when it’s sincere. People who are faking literally fall to the way side.

Single and Happier "Life Happens!"

October 3rd, 2012
8:54 am

Slim you would probably get answers all over the place to that one.

Black, most of the books, and seminars usually only tell you common sense things, but because they wrote a book, they are an expert.

Exiled!

October 3rd, 2012
8:58 am

We All perceive each other!

That’s why youall are so predictable.

‘Hie Ms Common’..and she looks at me,smiles nicely but I check her looking at me up and way down. Why is that? Most women Never fail this imagery.

Sizing and getting your own perception.

And often for guys,we get cues if the chic is a talker. Based on our own preferences if she talks then she gives away what we want to know. Either we pass or we go for the jaguar. Pounce.

Because we got a Perception.
But once we get down to get down,we get the real deal.

Some of these Tomatoes look bright red. But they are really Rotten inside.

And yet others seem darkish brown,uninteresting and dull. But u get to k ow her closely,and u realize that she is some real sunshine inside.

And for the rest,what u see is what u get. Dark outside dark inside! :lol:

MsAtl

October 3rd, 2012
9:18 am

A man told me that if he had met me in the street rather than through a friend, he would not have approached me because I had a “get out of my face jigga” look. (Lol-raising an eyebrow). He said that I was not at all like he percieved me to be and he was glad he took a second look. That is not the first time I have been told that I look too serious, however, it is usually when I am in work mode. You go around Georgia courthouses with a cheese-eating grin on your face and you are likely to get frisked! I think I am a friendly person, but perception is not about reality; it is about the other person’s subjective thoughts.

Blackfoote: The Real Blackfoote

October 3rd, 2012
9:28 am

Single yep they are the experts after the book comes out.

MsAtl that’s exactly why I don’t perceive anything when I’m trying to court a lady, it’s always better to get your answers from the horses mouth. If you don’t like what the horse is saying it’s time to hi ho Silver away.

Celisea

October 3rd, 2012
9:29 am

Morning,

Misfires and misreads, prejudge, passing judgements, missed the mark…all of it happens among us all. IMO, we have in mind what we want. We do the reverse and project that on people we see. Your idea of what suits you may not come across in a person of potential interest so, you pass judgement on what you perceive based on what you desire in a man or woman. So, we take a pass because of what we desire is not what’s perceived. That’s your perception is your reality. We have all probably done it.

Celisea

October 3rd, 2012
9:30 am

That’s why your perception is your reality…is what I was saying. And really what don’t suit you is the jackpot for another.

Blackfoote: The Real Blackfoote

October 3rd, 2012
9:33 am

Morning Cely you got it right.

Celisea

October 3rd, 2012
9:34 am

Hey there Blackfoote! How have you been?

Blackfoote: The Real Blackfoote

October 3rd, 2012
9:39 am

Hangin Cely my dear, I’m expecting to have a great evening tonight. The Price Is Right is at the Fox and I have tickets to go. Gotta get down there early to register as a contestant then go have dinner at the Varsity. Trudge back to the Fox to hopefully win some cash and prizes. I know it’s a big hope………..LOL

Celisea

October 3rd, 2012
9:42 am

Blackfoote – Cool. Win something big. You need me to go with you and help carry the stuff back to your car??? I KID I KID…LOL I hope you win big!! If you hit the jackpot, don’t be acting funny now…LOL

Celisea

October 3rd, 2012
9:43 am

“Blackfoote Jones, c’mon down!! You are the next contestant on the Price is Right!!

MsAtl

October 3rd, 2012
9:50 am

Is it a taping Blackfoote? Good luck! Varsity for dinner??? Oh man!

Blackfoote: The Real Blackfoote

October 3rd, 2012
9:53 am

LOL…….thanks Cely for the mojo, you know I wont be doing the funny acting thing if I win.

My t-shirt will have the PIR logo and this saying imprinted on it.

The Price Is Right is in my town.
They called my name to Come On Down.
To play their games and win some prizes.
Flat screen tv’s in assorted sizes.

Celisea

October 3rd, 2012
9:54 am

Awwwwwww sookie sookie now, a winner and a poet? Boy you better stop before you hurt somebody!! lololol

Blackfoote: The Real Blackfoote

October 3rd, 2012
9:59 am

MsAtl I’m not sure it will be taped, I know Drew Carey isn’t the host. Another guy will be hosting the show.

Blackfoote: The Real Blackfoote

October 3rd, 2012
10:03 am

I know the Varsity for dinner, it’s the closets thing in the area. I’ll try not to consume too much to where I can’t participate in the show……LOL

kimmie

October 3rd, 2012
10:09 am

Morning All!!!

I’ve always been told I have a mean/serious look about me when I’m out and about. Usually I have a lot on my mind and just going over in my head what I need to do next. I try to have a pleasant demeanor, but I’m not going around grinning at everyone either. I do well in social settings, I don’t have my game face on. I’m appropriately dressed. I may not exactly be the life of the party, but I’m no wallflower either. I hold my own and like to laugh and have fun and talk to people.

With all that being said, folks are going to think what they want. When I was in the dating pool, I have had guys tell me for whatever reason they did not approach me and now they see I am not what they “thought”. I’ve been perceived as stuck up, boughie, etc, “until you get to know me”. Whatever! I can’t control any of that.

What I do know is this – initial impressions can be very powerful. If you are wearing the hootchie/thug/Amish/nerd/gangster/pimp/prostitute/etc uniform and you’re acting the part to boot, don’t get mad when folks take you at face value!! :lol:

MsAtl

October 3rd, 2012
10:24 am

Morning Kimmie. Stay out of my head! Lol. I agree with everything you just wrote. Especially the part about dressing AND acting certain ways at the same time. If you are “swaggering” and your pants are sagging, feel free to judge me as serious because I do not want you to speak to me. That said, I do wear my game face when I am on business and sometimes I catch myself looking serious when I have a lot on my mind. I am not stuck up, boughie, none of that; actually really down to earth.

Button

October 3rd, 2012
10:27 am

What Exile & Celisea said….

G’morning I’ve made perceptions and sometimes I’m dead wrong and other times, well I hit right on the head. I like it when I’m wrong though, it makes me to check myself to remember it’s not what’s on the outside, it’s what comes from within.

Lady~favor ain't fair! :-)

October 3rd, 2012
10:33 am

Waving @ Lily! Yes I was up and out many things to do today and the major tasks are winding down finally, at any rate what have I missed?!? ;)

Lady~favor ain't fair! :-)

October 3rd, 2012
10:34 am

Celisea

October 3rd, 2012
10:44 am

Heeey there Lady, what’s crackalackin!

Celisea

October 3rd, 2012
10:50 am

Blackfoote – If you’re still reading, this might be of interest to you. I love this little spot. It’s not over the top, not too expensive. And it’s right next door to the Fox. Right on the corner. The only thing is that it’s usually packed in the evenings when the Fox have events. Check out the link.

http://www.publikatl.com/

Blackfoote: The Real Blackfoote

October 3rd, 2012
11:05 am

Hey thanks Cely I’ll look for them before going to the Varsity, their menu looks very good.

DuShawn

October 3rd, 2012
11:16 am

When I think of perception, I think of my dog “Crunch”. He must have had twenty tattoos and ten brands. He grew up straight hood and was born into a hustling family. A lifetime ago when I had some outstanding street issues, he came to help with boxes on M-16’s, literally. On the surface, one would think my friend was a thug. In actuality, he graduated near the top of his high school class; earned a full academic scholarship to the University of Miami, graduated with a Mathematics Degree, became a Que and a Mason. His apartment looked like a library; bookshelves from floor to ceiling covered at least three walls. He must’ve had a thousand books… and actually read them. He could converse intelligently on anything from Foreign affairs to the Great Philosophers. When I was dating my wife, he would call her sister-in-law before I even thought about marrying her. I guess he knew before I did. He was smart like that. He was murdered ten years ago.

kimmie

October 3rd, 2012
11:17 am

Where is everybody?

kimmie

October 3rd, 2012
11:20 am

Sorry about that Dushawn. He sounds like a facinating person, the kind you meet very few of in a lifetime.

disco

October 3rd, 2012
11:23 am

good morning. I own up to having judged folks on first impression. sometimes without even having exchanged any words. sometimes my impression turned out to be spot on. other times I was way off the mark. I suppose there are countless folks that I’ll never know if I was right or not. as for being judged on a first impression, it is what it is.

Lady~favor ain't fair! :-)

October 3rd, 2012
11:29 am

I just wonder if men are missing out on a lot of great opportunities because they have the wrong perception about a possible Ms. Right. <<<<<<,Makes me ponder too!!!!!! hmmmmmm!

Lady~favor ain't fair! :-)

October 3rd, 2012
11:30 am

interesting hmmmmmmm~

kimmie

October 3rd, 2012
11:31 am

disco – I own up to mine too. Heck, that and my gut are sometimes all I have to go on. And to be honest, I can’t think of a time I was dead wrong and really regret it. To clarify, I have not always been right, but not so far off I feel I missed out on a good opportunity. If I was off, I look at it as not meant to be anyway. Everyone or everything is not for you.

Celisea

October 3rd, 2012
11:32 am

Piece of Cake just sent us a complimentary holiday cake….Peppermint Bark…Oooooh my goodness. Simple divine!!!

disco

October 3rd, 2012
11:34 am

kimmie – in particular, I wasn’t even thinking about a dating situation but a chick that I eventually became really cool with. when we first came into each other’s company I took one look at her and thought I had her sized up. even went so far as to say to myself (which I said to her later) “hmmm. she’s one of them”. lol. we laugh about it now. as for dating I know I’ve discounted guys off the bat because of their hair (cornrows, dreads, what have you) or other reasons. I know that they are not their hair but going in I’d already written them off because of it.

kimmie

October 3rd, 2012
11:40 am

I just wonder if men are missing out on a lot of great opportunities because they have the wrong perception about a possible Ms. Right.

Lady – I don’t ponder it at all. I’m a firm believer in fate and what’s meant for you is for you.

Lady~favor ain't fair! :-)

October 3rd, 2012
11:48 am

yeah I agree with that too Kimmie~ maybe I am not feeling this topic…..can’t find the words to describe it~ #carryon pay me no mind! lol

kimmie

October 3rd, 2012
11:50 am

Disco – And see, when it comes to non-dating situations like you mentioned, there are usually other opportunities for you to get to know a person, like at work or if you travel in the same circles, belong to the same church, etc. I’d give anyone a pass on stuff like that.

But when it comes to dating, I’m a little more judgemental. You gotta bring it from jump, because I’m naturally going to be a lot more cautious. I am potentially sharing more of myself with this person and being vulnerable, so he better be on the up and up. Some level of trust and security has to be present in the beginning. If you come off menacing, dangerous, weak, unkept, poor hygiene, arrogant, punkish, stupid, ignorant – I’m not going to want to see what’s under the surface.

Lady~favor ain't fair! :-)

October 3rd, 2012
12:00 pm

Rats my HC is the same weekend as Morehouse~ last yearI enjoyed SpleHouse HC very much~ lol #random

Lady~favor ain't fair! :-)

October 3rd, 2012
12:06 pm

SpelHouse that is okay done! lol

Comon Cents

October 3rd, 2012
12:22 pm

Hie Ms Common’..and she looks at me,smiles nicely but I check her looking at me up and way down. Why is that? Most women Never fail this imagery.

Ex~ Why I gotta be looking down my nose at you?!? I hadn’t even been in this morning when you posted that! :lol:

Good Morning all!

On topic~ I believe it was Chris Rock that said “If you don’t want to be treated like a ho, then make sure you’re not wearing the uniform.” My sentiments exactly. I’m not saying that people cannot be more than they seem, but if it looks like a duck and quacks like a duck, my instincts tell me it’s a duck and it’s going to take some pretty strong evidence to change my mind. IJS…

disco

October 3rd, 2012
12:26 pm

CC – I still think of joey buttafuco (sp?) when I hear that phrase though I think in his case the media hyped up snake instead of duck. lol.

i'm swiss

October 3rd, 2012
12:28 pm

Comon — I think you’re thinking of Dave Chappelle:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_uscmRI9ZrE

Love this bit… :lol:

Comon Cents

October 3rd, 2012
12:36 pm

swiss~ I knew it was one of them.

disco~ I remember that. The Long Island Lolita and all. And you are right; they talked about snakes, not ducks. LOL!

Lady~favor ain't fair! :-)

October 3rd, 2012
12:57 pm

its almost 1! yes!