Dating: It’s all about perception?
I have an ongoing argument with many of my guy friends about how they perceive women. Specifically, the way a man perceives a woman influences how they will approach her, the level of interest, and in some cases their intention.
My problem with this idea is that men can misread women a lot (I know women do this all the time too, though). So what happens is men size women up, determine her worth/value based on some kind of “system”. Then their effort/lack of effort is based on how they perceive the woman. Now my friends say that all men do this, even if they won’t admit it.
Women can’t ever know for sure how they are being perceived, so I don’t think this is something we should worry about. I just wonder if men are missing out on a lot of great opportunities because they have the wrong perception about a possible Ms. Right.
What do you think? Is it all about perception? If so, does this idea explain why so many of us meet fake people on the dating scene?
By Wise Diva, Misadventures in Atlanta Dating Blog
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142 comments Add your comment
Comon Cents
October 3rd, 2012
2:51 pm
Ex~ Yes, Old Fashioned. That notion of women doing all of those things to get (and keep) a man comes from a time when women didn’t work outside of the home. So, if you want those things now, you need to take me back to a time when that’s all I had to worry about. I’ll be a monkey’s uncle if I am going to go out and work all day and then come home and make you drinks and dinner while you lay around and do nothing. If I have taken on parts of the traditional man role then I think it’s only fair that he take on parts of the traditional woman role.
Shawn~ So, where are you going with this? Since you haven’t told anyone (outside of the web) are you just trying to get some (not so) strange on the side or what? If you want to be loyal to the wifey, why are you even playing with fire? You can’t tell me that you are not cognizant of the fact that sooner or later you are going to plow old girl…
SlimUno
October 3rd, 2012
2:51 pm
Cel – When I got asked that question i’m thinking, “I’m going to work, that’s what i’m doing DUH” lol He hasn’t left yet, he’ll probably head down there this weekend. I believe he decided to drive rather than fly. I’m supposed to be going to Philly to visit one of my best friends at some point this month, once we coordinate dates. So i’m going to chill on FL for now.
Single and Happier "Life Happens!"
October 3rd, 2012
2:51 pm
WD, isn’t usually the other way around, when you reach adult hood is when you start thinking perception is reality?
Exiled!
October 3rd, 2012
2:53 pm
So Dushawn,wifey ain’t getting introduced to this lady right?
Single and Happier "Life Happens!"
October 3rd, 2012
2:54 pm
C I was sitting thinking holiday Monday, I didn’t know she lived in Canada (LOL)
Celisea
October 3rd, 2012
2:54 pm
Slim – That’s the reaction for “play play” holidays…as my brother calls them….lol Okay, cool. A mini getaway is ALWAYS nice. I plan on straight “chilling” this weekend on into next week
Celisea
October 3rd, 2012
2:55 pm
Single – Some of us are special. We ain’t gotta leave the country to get funky days off
Exiled!
October 3rd, 2012
2:55 pm
Common?
So u and hubby have a whiteboard in the kitchen somewhere with job duties for the week..
DuShawn
October 3rd, 2012
2:56 pm
Exiled – I agree. Baby girl making me feel special. We eat at the big dining room table on the square plates, with Martha Stewart type china and silver. She places the cloth napkin in my lap before I dine, like a King. The food is outstanding. Today we had the salmon with the penne pasta and some type of pink shrimp and lobster sauce, small house salad.
Single and Happier "Life Happens!"
October 3rd, 2012
2:56 pm
C, lost man day I mean Columbus Day is a funky holiday, Hell he never stepped foot on the US soil (LOL)
Exiled!
October 3rd, 2012
2:57 pm
Now I understand American women issues better Common with all this 50-50 equality u preach.
DuShawn
October 3rd, 2012
2:59 pm
- CC- I have no plans to introduce her to wifey. Actually, I think the frequency of my visits will be short lived. The initial enthusiasm and infatuation has subsided for me.
Willie Dynamite
October 3rd, 2012
3:00 pm
S&H – for ME perception is subjective I can show the representative or be the proverbial wolf in Sheeps clothing. Reality is grounded moreso in fact. IMHO
Willie Dynamite
October 3rd, 2012
3:03 pm
Du- I hear ya man. You sound like Bill Belichic right now at a post game press conf. Hahaha
Celisea
October 3rd, 2012
3:03 pm
Single – I have no quams about it…all I know is Imma be kicked back enjoying the time off
What’s up WillieD – I agree with your “reality is grounded more so in fact.”
Alright folks, I’m out of here!!
Single and Happier "Life Happens!"
October 3rd, 2012
3:06 pm
WD as kids most would play with anybody, if you did not, most of the time it was because of what your PARENTS perceived them to be. At the time most didn’t have an opinion about anything or anyone. Enter adulthood, and we start to form opinions because of outer appearance, or what we’ve heard, or perceive them to be. Some of us realized that what you see is not what it is. and we’re open to getting to know someone before forming an opinion.
Single and Happier "Life Happens!"
October 3rd, 2012
3:07 pm
C, I fell you there, there are several holidays I don’t celebrate, but I’ll sure take the days off (LOL)
Celisea
October 3rd, 2012
3:08 pm
Single – I’m so darn confused on “felling” me…lol Just kidding
Bye!!
Willie Dynamite
October 3rd, 2012
3:08 pm
Cel- what’s up? Dayum I need your sched. Need to start taking more notes.
Single and Happier "Life Happens!"
October 3rd, 2012
3:08 pm
Dushawn, was she doing all this when you were with here before?
Single and Happier "Life Happens!"
October 3rd, 2012
3:09 pm
her I mean
Celisea
October 3rd, 2012
3:10 pm
WilliiiiieeeD – Cause I got it like that. No, no, no…just kidding. Don’t wanna get to big for my britches. May get knocked a notch or two.
Alright for real, later folks!
Willie Dynamite
October 3rd, 2012
3:10 pm
S&H- same thing I said. Do I need a Tylenol from Disco’s stash now.
Single and Happier "Life Happens!"
October 3rd, 2012
3:11 pm
WD trying to stretch this blog out (LOL)
Comon Cents
October 3rd, 2012
3:14 pm
Shawn~ So if the intitial infatuation and enthusiasm has subsided, why are you still seeing her?
Ex~ Actually, I do have a whiteboard in my kitchen (2 actually) but they are less for te hubs and I and more for the kids. One is a calendar with all the family activities on it. The other is for chores, notes, etc. The hubs and I don’t need those for our split though. It’s really simple. You cook, I clean. I cook, you clean. He does the day to day bathroom and laundry (because he gets home earlier) and I do the deep cleaning on the weekends. Everyone puts their own laundry away and the kids participate in folding everone’s laundry except mine. Easy peasy.
Single and Happier "Life Happens!"
October 3rd, 2012
3:18 pm
CC why don’t you let the kids fold your laundry (mommy, how do you use this slingshot) (LMAO)
Single and Happier "Life Happens!"
October 3rd, 2012
3:19 pm
Forget you C, you fell me (rotflmao)
Comon Cents
October 3rd, 2012
3:21 pm
S/H~ I don’t let the kids fold my laundry because I am very particular about how things go into my drawers and they will end up having to be refolded anywa. Therefore, rather than waste time, they just don’t fold my things.
DuShawn
October 3rd, 2012
3:46 pm
-Single- She could always cook. We never dated as adults, so she never really had the opportunity.
-Comom- I’m seeing her because she is an old friend…..and she’s pretty and fine.
MsAtl
October 3rd, 2012
3:50 pm
Okay, I step away for a while and come back to find out that I have missed a whole lot of O/T stuff~ Shawn trying to get himself in trouble and folks wanting us to go out & work full time then come home to don an apron & grab a mop bucket. Wth?
My own O/T- those of you who ar in law-related fields (attorney, paralegal, etc.) would it be inappropriate for me to shed my lady gloves for just a moment and kick opposing counsel’s a$$? I am so sick of the discovery games! How do you sue someone, then play hide the ball with discovery?
Okay, 5:00 needs to get here so I can refresh and rewind.
Single and Happier "Life Happens!"
October 3rd, 2012
3:50 pm
D so in the younger days It was just great sex as you put it. (you can’t turn a h into a housewife, so when she started cooking that was the end of the it)
Just kidding (LOL
Single and Happier "Life Happens!"
October 3rd, 2012
3:52 pm
MsAtl, here’s my motion to suppress (LOL)
DuShawn
October 3rd, 2012
4:04 pm
-Single- She’s always been a classy, star chick. But I don’t want her and she knows it. Soon my calls will stop.
Single and Happier "Life Happens!"
October 3rd, 2012
4:06 pm
I understand you Dushawn that’s what time does to you, the magic just isn’t there anymore.
Comon Cents
October 3rd, 2012
4:11 pm
Enter your comments hereMs.Atl~ Hasn’t it always been that way? People like to play fast and loose with the rules of evidence and discovery. I hate that too.
As usual, you and I are >>>>here<<<< on that work all day/come home and act like Hazel. Not only that, but you better be ready to act like Kim Kardashian to his Ray J (or Kanye) later on that night.
i'm swiss
October 3rd, 2012
4:12 pm
Afternoon, folks.
On topic: I gots nothing.
Off topic:
It’s taken 3 days for this new chick at work to figure out how to get through what amounts to 3 lines of code. And that’s with me explaining this sh!t 20 times and pointing her to a half-dozen existing examples. She is getting on my last d@mn nerve…
disco
October 3rd, 2012
4:16 pm
swiss – are you this chick’s assigned trainer/mentor or has she just latched on to you?
MsAtl
October 3rd, 2012
4:16 pm
Yes Common & it really burns my butt because you either have to file a motion to compel or just grin & bear it.
I admit that I do cook dinner most every night after work, but my house is not spotless; I clean mostly on the weekend now. Something had to give. As for acting like Kim K; not a problem sometimes, lol.
i'm swiss
October 3rd, 2012
4:23 pm
disco — She’s supposed to be my counterpart for a different client, so I’m sort of the un-official mentor. I’m really wondering how in the hell she got this job? I mean, I’ve done tons of technical training for this very same stuff over the years, and I’ve had non-technical people who picked up on this light years faster than this chick. And she was supposedly a Java developer???
That actually reminds me of this Indian guy I worked with years back. His wife had a job as a java developer, but she didn’t know sh!t. He (the husband) did all her work for her. So, she was basically just a warm body so that he could hold down 2 full time jobs simultaneously.
Come to think of it, this new chick is Indian… hmmm….
Comon Cents
October 3rd, 2012
4:23 pm
I usually file the motion just to tick them off. Realistically, they aren’t going to give you anything they think they can get away without giving you anyway. It is what it is…
I don’t mind acting like Kim K some nights, but if I had an extremely long day (You know, the judge that hates you along with opposing counsel that you hate?) and I come home and cook dinner and do some laundry or clean up, you can forget that swinging from the ceiling fan stuff happening that night.
Comon Cents
October 3rd, 2012
4:26 pm
swiss~
If you get rid of her, let me know. I have a friend who is actually great at the techie stuff who is looking for a job. She used to work for a company called Xcentric, but when she and the baby daddy split up she left the comapny because he worked there too and it was just too weird.
Exiled!
October 3rd, 2012
6:09 pm
She f_cking the boss Swiss,u know it!