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Dating: Are you wasting your time?

One of the most frustrating things about dating can the feeling that you are wasting your time with the wrong person. Every dating experience we go through teaches us about ourselves, so it is not a complete waste of time. However, we should know when it is time to let go and move on.

That’s sort of hard to figure out when you really like someone but things are not progressing anywhere. How can you tell if you are in a dead end relationship?

I think people end up sticking with the wrong person for a really long time because they rather play it safe. Even if all signs point to the fact that things won’t work out, a lot of people prefer bad relationship to no relationship at all.

Have you ever stayed in a relationship too long? When did you know things should end?

Typical time wasters are: the friend zone, stuck in a booty call situation, or in a relationship with someone incompatible. How do you know if you are in a time wasting situation?

By Wise Diva, Misadventures in Atlanta Dating

118 comments Add your comment

Single and Happier "Life Happens!"

October 2nd, 2012
7:23 am

“Typical time wasters are: the friend zone” If you can’t handle it, then say it from the beginning and move on,

“stuck in a booty call situation” Refer to previous,

“or in a relationship with someone incompatible.” Why?

These are choices you make.

“I think people end up sticking with the wrong person for a really long time because they rather play it safe. Even if all signs point to the fact that things won’t work out, a lot of people prefer bad relationship to no relationship at all.” A piece of someone is better than no one at all!! (yea right)

“That’s sort of hard to figure out when you really like someone but things are not progressing anywhere” It aint that hard!

“How do you know if you are in a time wasting situation?” It’s only a waste of time if you don’t learn from it.

Lily

October 2nd, 2012
7:31 am

No experience is a waste of time if you can extract a lesson and get out the moment you realize it’s not going anywhere

Celisea

October 2nd, 2012
8:39 am

I’m in the car and just too through with the chick in the nine year relationship. Imma start siding with the men. Can’t type it out until I get to work. I’m just done! Some women are nincompoops!

Comon Cents

October 2nd, 2012
9:10 am

C~ I heard that mess this morning. Chick is an idiot. But I guess hope springs eternal for people like her.

On topic~ If you have to ask anyone else if you’re in the wrong relationship, you just answered your own question. Any relationship that does not make you feel valued and part of the team is not worth wasting your time on. What’s the old saying? A reason, a season or a lifetime? Learn how to recognize things for what they are and KIM if the person is only a reason or a season.

Celisea

October 2nd, 2012
9:19 am

Morning…from my desk! :)

On topic: After I first got out of my LTR, for a really long time I was bitter because I felt like I “wasted” years on him. I blamed him for not being stand-up, no motivation, hung up on the wrong thing, no substance….blah blah blah. After I moved on and really started growing up, I admitted that I could have and should have left and frankly staying too long was my fault. And even though I saw way ahead of time, that thing going nowhere, I learned a lot during the process. A lot about him and a lot about myself. I had a beautiful beautiful baby produced. So I learned to see the upside of the time I invested. And today, I have no regrets.

Having learned what I learned and now know what I know, I don’t waste time on anything not moving. My time and theirs is too precious to waste. In having “grown up”, I’ve learned the ability to be amicable but for me, there’s no such place as the dreaded FZ. That leaves too many possibilities. For real “friends”, we start out as friends, we remain friends. And as “friends” there won’t be any gravitating to the zone. For those that I’ve encountered that were not so honorable, liars, playing games, in the process of growing up, I don’t have time to “hate.” I just know you for what you are and keep my distance.

Off topic: The closure call didn’t happen because they’re going to “talk.” The dude called her as a result of a request for him to come on and decided he would talk and explain (I guess). So tomorrow, he’s going over to her place and have the talk. What got me so, was the fact that she was all giddy and had the audacity to say “I think we’re getting back together.” First off (and I know what I just said), I would be done cause you had balls to say “it is what it is”…and that’s all. Nooooo, she was all happy and optimistic!! Go figure. Now, had she not called the show, buddy would have been in the wind. So now you’re happy because he was forced (sort of) to talk to you??? I’m done. Just done.

SlimUno

October 2nd, 2012
9:20 am

Good morning gang!

Celisea

October 2nd, 2012
9:20 am

Comon – Idiot is too nice of a description….lol Off to get coffee

disco

October 2nd, 2012
9:24 am

good morning. by the way, C, in some instances I started siding with the men along time ago. not even because I necessarily think they are right but because I can’t side with the woman who allows/permits the man to do the things that he is doing. some women have got to make and take a stand.

some times folks really do just waste time. I get that it’s not a waste if you don’t learn anything but I have to admit that I believe some folks really aren’t learning a daggone thing.

waste time if you want but I’m known to say that just like life is short, life is also long. it can seem even longer if you are caught up in some BS.

Lady~cool beans :-)

October 2nd, 2012
9:36 am

Morning MIA!!! Interesting topic! moving forward the boo and agreed marriage is our short term goal so we shall continue to enjoy our ride until that season presents~

C~ Cool post. The two major relationships I have been involved in were both great life experiences. In the moment I felt I was wasting time but long after I value the roadblocks and heartaches with being a better person personally. I really own my flaws and shortcomings so no blame game here. I won’t complain~ ;)

Celisea

October 2nd, 2012
9:37 am

disco – Void of emotions, most times the men and women probably agree. They just get it said without all the extra. Still, there’s a way to do things and be decent. If you need to exit, be a man or woman about and tell the truth. Be a man or woman about it and get the heck on with or without (a home, another lover, money). Do things the right way so that good things will come back your way. I’m a true believer how you do things affect how things happens for you.

I still say, as long as you learn AND NOT REPEAT THE SAME LESSONS. It’s all good. Now you don’t need to repeat the same thing. That ain’t learning, that’s stupid.

Celisea

October 2nd, 2012
9:37 am

Morning Lady and thanks!!

Celisea

October 2nd, 2012
9:41 am

Lady – Marriage is the short term goal? Alright now…do your thang :mrgreen:

Single and Happier "Life Happens!"

October 2nd, 2012
9:42 am

C what is the truth, some people only want to hear what they want to hear.

Lady~cool beans :-)

October 2nd, 2012
9:42 am

oh and those fly by night relationships and FWB kicking it or whatever you call them also were growing pains tough love experience too. not shame at all and won’t pretend those experiences didn’t make me value my worth more. Being in the valley was interesting and I will never forgot those trying times! I made it! lol ;)

Comon Cents

October 2nd, 2012
9:45 am

C~ What’s the definition of insanity? Continuing to do the same things over and over again and expect a different result. And Lord knows I have seen my share of women (and men) who repeatedly have the same relationship, the name of the partner just changes.

I actually went to a baby shower about 4 years ago and there was a girl at the baby shower who had the cutest little red headed girls. (Probably 2 and 4 at the time) When I first saw them, I thought they were twins. Since they looked nothing like her, I ASSUMED that they looked like their father. And I said to her “Beautiful girls. They must resemble their father except for the hair color.” And she responded “Yeah, they do look like their dads ” WTF?!? Turns out, she was married to one identical twin. They had the first daughter. It was a crappy relationship, she left, and hooked up with his identical twin brother and they had the second daughter! :shock: At the time, she was back with the first twin. SMDH… Just craziness!

Comon Cents

October 2nd, 2012
9:47 am

Lady~ But at least you were wise enough to recognize that the valley was not your home. A lot of people fail to realize that they are not supposed to set up camp in that piece…

Single and Happier "Life Happens!"

October 2nd, 2012
9:47 am

comon was their last name Jackson (LOL)

Celisea

October 2nd, 2012
9:48 am

Single – The truth is whatever the real reason. For me and IMO, it’s better and easier to digest. No matter how harsh it sounds.

disco

October 2nd, 2012
9:48 am

CC – now that’s funny. guess the bright side in that story is that she and the twins were all honest about the relationships/parentage. DNA test would have served no purpose. lol.

Lady~cool beans :-)

October 2nd, 2012
9:49 am

Celisea

October 2nd, 2012
9:49 am

That’s just nasty

Single and Happier "Life Happens!"

October 2nd, 2012
9:50 am

C from what I’ve found with alot of people, until you tell them what they want to hear, it’s not the truth. Sometimes the reason is simple, I don’t want to be here anymore. it is what it is.

Lady~cool beans :-)

October 2nd, 2012
9:52 am

Insanity C~ lol

Comon Cents

October 2nd, 2012
9:52 am

C~ I’m with you. How confused are those girls going to be? Technically, because their fathers are identical twins, they would test as full blooded sisters and yet, their sister’s father is actually their uncle. So they are not only sisters, but also cousins. Nasty, nasty, nasty.

Celisea

October 2nd, 2012
9:53 am

Single – And sometimes, in my experience and especially with men (sorry folks), when you’ve been a liar then the truth ain’t recognizable. Not coming form them anyway.

Not saying you, but IJS

Celisea

October 2nd, 2012
9:54 am

Lady – Always…just a different day of the week…lol

Celisea

October 2nd, 2012
9:55 am

Single – And that’s the thing so many fail to realize. What I know about a person is what they showed and taught me. So a man or woman shouldn’t be mad if you never did the right thing and that’s what you’re known for. You know?

disco

October 2nd, 2012
9:58 am

CC – confused? those poor kids might be lucky if they are confused. sounds like the momma has no shame about the situation and doesn’t mind putting it all out there which means these kids likely haven’t picked up on the fact that anything is wrong. granted they are still young and the real world might give them a rude awakening. then it will come down to who is the greater influence. their little friends that are talking about them and their daddy/uncles or their family which is telling them that it’s all okay and not to worry about what other people say.

Celisea

October 2nd, 2012
9:58 am

Bert was saying this morning that a woman shouldn’t stick around past two years waiting for marriage…if marriage is the ultimate goal. He said a man knows pretty much within a year if he’s going to marry you or not. And he wasn’t saying “know” as in the day, month, year but “know.” He said at the most, give it two years because by two years, he knows if he’s NOT going to do it.

My daddy told me the same thing. Two years and he knows yes or no.

SlimUno

October 2nd, 2012
10:05 am

Dizzzzaaaaaaam, that’s crazy! :shock:

Comon Cents

October 2nd, 2012
10:06 am

C~ I agree with Bert. It’s the same way that a woman knows if she’s going to give a man some puddy or not before she leaves the house.

MsAtl

October 2nd, 2012
10:06 am

Morning all. Okay, I’m guilty of staying waaayy too long (in my marriage). It is what it is; I have made my peace with that and do not plan to repeat it. Celisea, I agree with your 9:37- there is a way to do things and be decent about it. The way my marriage ended, there is no room for cordiality (?), much less friendship after 30 years. That is a shame when you share children and will undoubtedly have to be in the same place for the children at least several times in the future. Have a great day all. Now, to get another cup of coffee.

Celisea

October 2nd, 2012
10:12 am

Comon – I dunno on the giving up of the goods. I would say MOST times yes,a woman knows if she’s gonna go through with it but I cannot say all instances. That’s just for me though.

Ms.Atl – I want honesty…brutal if it calls for that. Don’t just tell me any ole thing and skip along. Tell me the truth. Maybe there’s something I can do better or learn from. Sometimes if a man tells the woman the truth, she’ll happily let him go…lol Especially if it cuts to the core. But if you’re skirting and giving bland reasons just to lie your way out, for many, that only translate into “hope” and a possible reconcilation on the horizon. Don’t be mad if you’re beating her off your ankles….lol

MsAtl

October 2nd, 2012
10:19 am

Lol Celisea. I am not holding onto anyone’s ankes (despite my height). In my case, the honesty should have come much earlier; there were many opportunities for it, especially more than one bout of marriage counseling. Honesty and constuctive criticism allows a person to grow and learn; lies allow them to repeat mistakes unless they have some self-realization happen. But, sometimes although there are minor things you can tweak within yourself, the other person is 80 % of the problem.

Celisea

October 2nd, 2012
10:21 am

Ms. Atl I wasn’t saying you on hanging to the ankles….lol

MsAtl

October 2nd, 2012
10:31 am

Lol. I know C. I have seen women do it though. Brought a funny visual to mind.

Lady~cool beans :-)

October 2nd, 2012
10:32 am

chuckle C~ #wisdom

Single and Happier "Life Happens!"

October 2nd, 2012
10:33 am

C if they’re a liar then you will never know what the truth is. If you never did the right thing, you wouldn’t be mad, because you wouldn’t recognize.

disco

October 2nd, 2012
10:35 am

S/H – stop talking in circles. giving me a headache. speaking of headaches. where’s swiss? wonder if old girl let up on him any today?

Single and Happier "Life Happens!"

October 2nd, 2012
10:39 am

Disco, no circle, if you lie to me once especially for no reason, then everything you say to me after that is a lie, so wouldn’t need a reason because you would lying anyway.

Celisea

October 2nd, 2012
10:39 am

Single – If a person is a liar, then they know they’re a liar. And just because one may believe another has to buy it or accept it cause you said it and there’s no hard proof, don’t mean a liar is not recognizable. A liar is more recognizable than you’d ever believe. The proof IMO, is that extra “in your face.” So the liar keeps denying because he’s leaning on the fact that a person can’t prove when really, you ain’t gotta have proof. You just need to recognize. Make sense?

Lady/Ms.Atl – :mrgreen:

Celisea

October 2nd, 2012
10:41 am

Single – I think we’re saying the same thing.

Single and Happier "Life Happens!"

October 2nd, 2012
10:43 am

C now I have disco’s headache (LOL) we probably are saying the same thing.

disco

October 2nd, 2012
10:45 am

yep. my vote is on y’all saying the same thing. y’all are both so smart and insightful. lol.

Single and Happier "Life Happens!"

October 2nd, 2012
10:47 am

Disco, errrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr =;

Celisea

October 2nd, 2012
10:48 am

disco – I vote we have a “disco day”…just one day to agree or say something nice….anything. :mrgreen:

Lady~cool beans :-)

October 2nd, 2012
10:54 am

disco

October 2nd, 2012
10:57 am

C – I’m all for a disco day but my day shouldn’t be about being all nice and sweet and sunshine and rainbows. my day should be on some other stuff. in case I can’t call the shots though, I already got my good in. I said you and S/H were smart and insightful. that counts as something nice right? lol.

lady – I have an aunt who is good for saying “oh my”. you made me think of her.

Celisea

October 2nd, 2012
11:00 am

disco – Sometimes you read like a real hater. How about you just not come off as a hater the entire time you’re posting? That will be the stipulation for having a “disco day.” We’re all about insight and stuff so that will be fine. But since you never have sunshine…EVER…then the sweet stuff will be a requirement. Oh, you can’t blame the neighborhood, your aunties and ghetto…lololol

disco

October 2nd, 2012
11:03 am

I do read like a hater sometimes though that wasn’t hater. that was sarcasm. lol.