Dating: Are you wasting your time?
One of the most frustrating things about dating can the feeling that you are wasting your time with the wrong person. Every dating experience we go through teaches us about ourselves, so it is not a complete waste of time. However, we should know when it is time to let go and move on.
That’s sort of hard to figure out when you really like someone but things are not progressing anywhere. How can you tell if you are in a dead end relationship?
I think people end up sticking with the wrong person for a really long time because they rather play it safe. Even if all signs point to the fact that things won’t work out, a lot of people prefer bad relationship to no relationship at all.
Have you ever stayed in a relationship too long? When did you know things should end?
Typical time wasters are: the friend zone, stuck in a booty call situation, or in a relationship with someone incompatible. How do you know if you are in a time wasting situation?
By Wise Diva, Misadventures in Atlanta Dating
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118 comments Add your comment
Single and Happier "Life Happens!"
October 2nd, 2012
7:23 am
“Typical time wasters are: the friend zone” If you can’t handle it, then say it from the beginning and move on,
“stuck in a booty call situation” Refer to previous,
“or in a relationship with someone incompatible.” Why?
These are choices you make.
“I think people end up sticking with the wrong person for a really long time because they rather play it safe. Even if all signs point to the fact that things won’t work out, a lot of people prefer bad relationship to no relationship at all.” A piece of someone is better than no one at all!! (yea right)
“That’s sort of hard to figure out when you really like someone but things are not progressing anywhere” It aint that hard!
“How do you know if you are in a time wasting situation?” It’s only a waste of time if you don’t learn from it.
Lily
October 2nd, 2012
7:31 am
No experience is a waste of time if you can extract a lesson and get out the moment you realize it’s not going anywhere
Celisea
October 2nd, 2012
8:39 am
I’m in the car and just too through with the chick in the nine year relationship. Imma start siding with the men. Can’t type it out until I get to work. I’m just done! Some women are nincompoops!
Comon Cents
October 2nd, 2012
9:10 am
C~ I heard that mess this morning. Chick is an idiot. But I guess hope springs eternal for people like her.
On topic~ If you have to ask anyone else if you’re in the wrong relationship, you just answered your own question. Any relationship that does not make you feel valued and part of the team is not worth wasting your time on. What’s the old saying? A reason, a season or a lifetime? Learn how to recognize things for what they are and KIM if the person is only a reason or a season.
Celisea
October 2nd, 2012
9:19 am
Morning…from my desk!
On topic: After I first got out of my LTR, for a really long time I was bitter because I felt like I “wasted” years on him. I blamed him for not being stand-up, no motivation, hung up on the wrong thing, no substance….blah blah blah. After I moved on and really started growing up, I admitted that I could have and should have left and frankly staying too long was my fault. And even though I saw way ahead of time, that thing going nowhere, I learned a lot during the process. A lot about him and a lot about myself. I had a beautiful beautiful baby produced. So I learned to see the upside of the time I invested. And today, I have no regrets.
Having learned what I learned and now know what I know, I don’t waste time on anything not moving. My time and theirs is too precious to waste. In having “grown up”, I’ve learned the ability to be amicable but for me, there’s no such place as the dreaded FZ. That leaves too many possibilities. For real “friends”, we start out as friends, we remain friends. And as “friends” there won’t be any gravitating to the zone. For those that I’ve encountered that were not so honorable, liars, playing games, in the process of growing up, I don’t have time to “hate.” I just know you for what you are and keep my distance.
Off topic: The closure call didn’t happen because they’re going to “talk.” The dude called her as a result of a request for him to come on and decided he would talk and explain (I guess). So tomorrow, he’s going over to her place and have the talk. What got me so, was the fact that she was all giddy and had the audacity to say “I think we’re getting back together.” First off (and I know what I just said), I would be done cause you had balls to say “it is what it is”…and that’s all. Nooooo, she was all happy and optimistic!! Go figure. Now, had she not called the show, buddy would have been in the wind. So now you’re happy because he was forced (sort of) to talk to you??? I’m done. Just done.
SlimUno
October 2nd, 2012
9:20 am
Good morning gang!
Celisea
October 2nd, 2012
9:20 am
Comon – Idiot is too nice of a description….lol Off to get coffee
disco
October 2nd, 2012
9:24 am
good morning. by the way, C, in some instances I started siding with the men along time ago. not even because I necessarily think they are right but because I can’t side with the woman who allows/permits the man to do the things that he is doing. some women have got to make and take a stand.
some times folks really do just waste time. I get that it’s not a waste if you don’t learn anything but I have to admit that I believe some folks really aren’t learning a daggone thing.
waste time if you want but I’m known to say that just like life is short, life is also long. it can seem even longer if you are caught up in some BS.
Lady~cool beans :-)
October 2nd, 2012
9:36 am
Morning MIA!!! Interesting topic! moving forward the boo and agreed marriage is our short term goal so we shall continue to enjoy our ride until that season presents~
C~ Cool post. The two major relationships I have been involved in were both great life experiences. In the moment I felt I was wasting time but long after I value the roadblocks and heartaches with being a better person personally. I really own my flaws and shortcomings so no blame game here. I won’t complain~
Celisea
October 2nd, 2012
9:37 am
disco – Void of emotions, most times the men and women probably agree. They just get it said without all the extra. Still, there’s a way to do things and be decent. If you need to exit, be a man or woman about and tell the truth. Be a man or woman about it and get the heck on with or without (a home, another lover, money). Do things the right way so that good things will come back your way. I’m a true believer how you do things affect how things happens for you.
I still say, as long as you learn AND NOT REPEAT THE SAME LESSONS. It’s all good. Now you don’t need to repeat the same thing. That ain’t learning, that’s stupid.
Celisea
October 2nd, 2012
9:37 am
Morning Lady and thanks!!
Celisea
October 2nd, 2012
9:41 am
Lady – Marriage is the short term goal? Alright now…do your thang
Single and Happier "Life Happens!"
October 2nd, 2012
9:42 am
C what is the truth, some people only want to hear what they want to hear.
Lady~cool beans :-)
October 2nd, 2012
9:42 am
oh and those fly by night relationships and FWB kicking it or whatever you call them also were growing pains tough love experience too. not shame at all and won’t pretend those experiences didn’t make me value my worth more. Being in the valley was interesting and I will never forgot those trying times! I made it! lol
Comon Cents
October 2nd, 2012
9:45 am
C~ What’s the definition of insanity? Continuing to do the same things over and over again and expect a different result. And Lord knows I have seen my share of women (and men) who repeatedly have the same relationship, the name of the partner just changes.
I actually went to a baby shower about 4 years ago and there was a girl at the baby shower who had the cutest little red headed girls. (Probably 2 and 4 at the time) When I first saw them, I thought they were twins. Since they looked nothing like her, I ASSUMED that they looked like their father. And I said to her “Beautiful girls. They must resemble their father except for the hair color.” And she responded “Yeah, they do look like their dads ” WTF?!? Turns out, she was married to one identical twin. They had the first daughter. It was a crappy relationship, she left, and hooked up with his identical twin brother and they had the second daughter!
At the time, she was back with the first twin. SMDH… Just craziness!
Comon Cents
October 2nd, 2012
9:47 am
Lady~ But at least you were wise enough to recognize that the valley was not your home. A lot of people fail to realize that they are not supposed to set up camp in that piece…
Single and Happier "Life Happens!"
October 2nd, 2012
9:47 am
comon was their last name Jackson (LOL)
Celisea
October 2nd, 2012
9:48 am
Single – The truth is whatever the real reason. For me and IMO, it’s better and easier to digest. No matter how harsh it sounds.
disco
October 2nd, 2012
9:48 am
CC – now that’s funny. guess the bright side in that story is that she and the twins were all honest about the relationships/parentage. DNA test would have served no purpose. lol.
Lady~cool beans :-)
October 2nd, 2012
9:49 am
Thanks CC~
Celisea
October 2nd, 2012
9:49 am
That’s just nasty
Single and Happier "Life Happens!"
October 2nd, 2012
9:50 am
C from what I’ve found with alot of people, until you tell them what they want to hear, it’s not the truth. Sometimes the reason is simple, I don’t want to be here anymore. it is what it is.
Lady~cool beans :-)
October 2nd, 2012
9:52 am
Insanity C~ lol
Comon Cents
October 2nd, 2012
9:52 am
C~ I’m with you. How confused are those girls going to be? Technically, because their fathers are identical twins, they would test as full blooded sisters and yet, their sister’s father is actually their uncle. So they are not only sisters, but also cousins. Nasty, nasty, nasty.
Celisea
October 2nd, 2012
9:53 am
Single – And sometimes, in my experience and especially with men (sorry folks), when you’ve been a liar then the truth ain’t recognizable. Not coming form them anyway.
Not saying you, but IJS
Celisea
October 2nd, 2012
9:54 am
Lady – Always…just a different day of the week…lol
Celisea
October 2nd, 2012
9:55 am
Single – And that’s the thing so many fail to realize. What I know about a person is what they showed and taught me. So a man or woman shouldn’t be mad if you never did the right thing and that’s what you’re known for. You know?
disco
October 2nd, 2012
9:58 am
CC – confused? those poor kids might be lucky if they are confused. sounds like the momma has no shame about the situation and doesn’t mind putting it all out there which means these kids likely haven’t picked up on the fact that anything is wrong. granted they are still young and the real world might give them a rude awakening. then it will come down to who is the greater influence. their little friends that are talking about them and their daddy/uncles or their family which is telling them that it’s all okay and not to worry about what other people say.
Celisea
October 2nd, 2012
9:58 am
Bert was saying this morning that a woman shouldn’t stick around past two years waiting for marriage…if marriage is the ultimate goal. He said a man knows pretty much within a year if he’s going to marry you or not. And he wasn’t saying “know” as in the day, month, year but “know.” He said at the most, give it two years because by two years, he knows if he’s NOT going to do it.
My daddy told me the same thing. Two years and he knows yes or no.
SlimUno
October 2nd, 2012
10:05 am
Dizzzzaaaaaaam, that’s crazy!
Comon Cents
October 2nd, 2012
10:06 am
C~ I agree with Bert. It’s the same way that a woman knows if she’s going to give a man some puddy or not before she leaves the house.
MsAtl
October 2nd, 2012
10:06 am
Morning all. Okay, I’m guilty of staying waaayy too long (in my marriage). It is what it is; I have made my peace with that and do not plan to repeat it. Celisea, I agree with your 9:37- there is a way to do things and be decent about it. The way my marriage ended, there is no room for cordiality (?), much less friendship after 30 years. That is a shame when you share children and will undoubtedly have to be in the same place for the children at least several times in the future. Have a great day all. Now, to get another cup of coffee.
Celisea
October 2nd, 2012
10:12 am
Comon – I dunno on the giving up of the goods. I would say MOST times yes,a woman knows if she’s gonna go through with it but I cannot say all instances. That’s just for me though.
Ms.Atl – I want honesty…brutal if it calls for that. Don’t just tell me any ole thing and skip along. Tell me the truth. Maybe there’s something I can do better or learn from. Sometimes if a man tells the woman the truth, she’ll happily let him go…lol Especially if it cuts to the core. But if you’re skirting and giving bland reasons just to lie your way out, for many, that only translate into “hope” and a possible reconcilation on the horizon. Don’t be mad if you’re beating her off your ankles….lol
MsAtl
October 2nd, 2012
10:19 am
Lol Celisea. I am not holding onto anyone’s ankes (despite my height). In my case, the honesty should have come much earlier; there were many opportunities for it, especially more than one bout of marriage counseling. Honesty and constuctive criticism allows a person to grow and learn; lies allow them to repeat mistakes unless they have some self-realization happen. But, sometimes although there are minor things you can tweak within yourself, the other person is 80 % of the problem.
Celisea
October 2nd, 2012
10:21 am
Ms. Atl I wasn’t saying you on hanging to the ankles….lol
MsAtl
October 2nd, 2012
10:31 am
Lol. I know C. I have seen women do it though. Brought a funny visual to mind.
Lady~cool beans :-)
October 2nd, 2012
10:32 am
chuckle C~ #wisdom
Single and Happier "Life Happens!"
October 2nd, 2012
10:33 am
C if they’re a liar then you will never know what the truth is. If you never did the right thing, you wouldn’t be mad, because you wouldn’t recognize.
disco
October 2nd, 2012
10:35 am
S/H – stop talking in circles. giving me a headache. speaking of headaches. where’s swiss? wonder if old girl let up on him any today?
Single and Happier "Life Happens!"
October 2nd, 2012
10:39 am
Disco, no circle, if you lie to me once especially for no reason, then everything you say to me after that is a lie, so wouldn’t need a reason because you would lying anyway.
Celisea
October 2nd, 2012
10:39 am
Single – If a person is a liar, then they know they’re a liar. And just because one may believe another has to buy it or accept it cause you said it and there’s no hard proof, don’t mean a liar is not recognizable. A liar is more recognizable than you’d ever believe. The proof IMO, is that extra “in your face.” So the liar keeps denying because he’s leaning on the fact that a person can’t prove when really, you ain’t gotta have proof. You just need to recognize. Make sense?
Lady/Ms.Atl –
Celisea
October 2nd, 2012
10:41 am
Single – I think we’re saying the same thing.
Single and Happier "Life Happens!"
October 2nd, 2012
10:43 am
C now I have disco’s headache (LOL) we probably are saying the same thing.
disco
October 2nd, 2012
10:45 am
yep. my vote is on y’all saying the same thing. y’all are both so smart and insightful. lol.
Single and Happier "Life Happens!"
October 2nd, 2012
10:47 am
Disco, errrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr =;
Celisea
October 2nd, 2012
10:48 am
disco – I vote we have a “disco day”…just one day to agree or say something nice….anything.
Lady~cool beans :-)
October 2nd, 2012
10:54 am
oh my~
disco
October 2nd, 2012
10:57 am
C – I’m all for a disco day but my day shouldn’t be about being all nice and sweet and sunshine and rainbows. my day should be on some other stuff. in case I can’t call the shots though, I already got my good in. I said you and S/H were smart and insightful. that counts as something nice right? lol.
lady – I have an aunt who is good for saying “oh my”. you made me think of her.
Celisea
October 2nd, 2012
11:00 am
disco – Sometimes you read like a real hater. How about you just not come off as a hater the entire time you’re posting? That will be the stipulation for having a “disco day.” We’re all about insight and stuff so that will be fine. But since you never have sunshine…EVER…then the sweet stuff will be a requirement. Oh, you can’t blame the neighborhood, your aunties and ghetto…lololol
disco
October 2nd, 2012
11:03 am
I do read like a hater sometimes though that wasn’t hater. that was sarcasm. lol.
Single and Happier "Life Happens!"
October 2nd, 2012
11:14 am
Disco, a hater, really now (LOL) ijk disco,
DuShawn
October 2nd, 2012
11:14 am
I never quite understood the concept of a relationship “going somewhere”, or “wasting time”. That is truly a feminine ideology. Most women equate those terms with marriage. I have a question for the ladies. If you became involved with a man that treats you well, keeps you happy and smiling, you both love one another; he’s committed to exclusivity, but has no desire to get married. Is the time you spend together a waste?
Single and Happier "Life Happens!"
October 2nd, 2012
11:17 am
Dushawn, you know most women have to put their fairy tale puzzle together. “I’ve been dreaming about this life since I was a little girl”
disco
October 2nd, 2012
11:20 am
by the way, S/H, I was not one of those women who spent her childhood daydreaming about her wedding day. of course, I don’t imagine that you are surprised.
MsAtl
October 2nd, 2012
11:23 am
Shawn, I do not consider that time a waste, assuming all of those items you listed (treats you well, committed, etc.).
Single and Happier "Life Happens!"
October 2nd, 2012
11:24 am
Disco, that’s why I did not say all,
Lady~cool beans :-)
October 2nd, 2012
11:33 am
Sunshine Day C in progress~ lets start our favorite tunes
Du, I know mnay LTR that sustain when they both want the same things and not wanting to marry~ such as life. do whatever floats your bot per se~ I do look to remarry soon~ why not I say!
Lady~cool beans :-)
October 2nd, 2012
11:34 am
boat and many excuse errors~
Lady~cool beans :-)
October 2nd, 2012
11:37 am
those long term engagements are not the business either……dead weight per se…..i know that couple but they will declare they are HAPPY~
SlimUno
October 2nd, 2012
11:38 am
OMG we just caught the new girl laid back knocked the fugg out sleep just now….snoring and everything.
Exiled!
October 2nd, 2012
11:39 am
So dudes won that 9 year argument afterall!
Glad u gals came round like u always do most times..
Balance …uall need umm we all need balance..coz y’all chics tend to get emotional at first.
Us dudes sit back,analyze and put a finger on it…
Then uall simmer down from the hummpff then chilex
Good…nice to see Cel and Common being stand up on it
Hey MIA!
On topic:
If u don’t play the ima independent card too much,a dude might give u substance in the relationship.
But if u play the independent card,then it is what it is.
He gon hit the bootey and just milk the relationship clock.
Good morning!
SlimUno
October 2nd, 2012
11:39 am
I took a picture of her…
Lady~cool beans :-)
October 2nd, 2012
11:42 am
Ex you so have a point sir~ lol #funnies
MsAtl
October 2nd, 2012
11:43 am
Slim- I wish AJC had a “like” button, lol.
SlimUno
October 2nd, 2012
11:51 am
MsAtl – I was going to post it on fb but i’ll exercise restraint and spare her. lol
Comon Cents
October 2nd, 2012
11:52 am
Shawn~ The problem with your scenario is that most relationship are not 100 on the other things being great. Dude is out doing his thing, but still wants wifey privileges without making the girl wifey. Although, to be fair, I don’t know why girly would want to be dude’s wifey anyway if that is the case.
What I’m saying, is generally, the relationship is not some Eutopia in the storm and the only issue is that dude won’t marry her.
Celisea
October 2nd, 2012
11:53 am
Lady – I’m with you allllll the way
Comon Cents
October 2nd, 2012
11:53 am
Slim~ We have a paalegal in our office who sleeps through meetings, conference calls, etc. I have walked by her office several times and caught her napping. She nuzzles her head in her chest like big bird and snoozes away. Shenanigans I tell you!
Lady~cool beans :-)
October 2nd, 2012
11:57 am
CC I agree~ the couple I speak of the chic was ready almost 8 years ago……..but she got an engagement ring….why not seal the deal…….but please don’t seal the deal if you don’t want to be married but my point is the chic is sticking it out and always have……sigh! not throwing rocks bc its their situation but don’t think it is candyland and I often have to remind her to stop faking~
kimmie
October 2nd, 2012
12:09 pm
Sup Gang!
I am too thru with Bert show 9 Year chick, but somehow not surprised. I still feel sorry for her, in fact, even more. Because she’s so clueless to the fact that even if dude comes back & says he’s sorry and wants her back, she still really has NOTHING!! This was not, oh we had a big fight and he went to bunk at his brother’s place for a few days to cool off. No, dude already moved into another apt and had his mail changed over. He’s been planning this for months, if not years! So I feel sorry for her for being SO in the dark. She needs help.
Dushawn – The only way that works is if BOTH TRULY don’t want marriage. In fact, it would not even be an issue. I don’t care how nice he is to me, if I want marriage and he doesn’t, that means we are incompatible. It’s a deal breaker. Doesn’t mean he’s a bad person or I’m somehow desperate. There is nothing wrong, we are just wrong for each other. So yes, any time she hangs around after he’s told her, hoping he’ll change his mind is a waste of time, at least on the romantic front.
Disco – some times folks really do just waste time. I get that it’s not a waste if you don’t learn anything but I have to admit that I believe some folks really aren’t learning a daggone thing.
I so agree with you.
It’s a waste of your love-life time to spend years with someone that does not want the same things. Sure, you might have had some good times, some good laughs, that you could have had with one of your buddies. Or you could have had the same experiences with someone you see eye to eye with on a romantic level too. Plus, let’s not forget if you are a woman that would like a family and would like to raise a family with a husband and not go it alone, yes alot of your best years are not to be fooled with with someone who does not feel the same.
Miss me with the “as long as you learned something” stuff. The time I spent with other guys I didn’t marry was not all bad, but I didn’t learn anything earthshattering either that I would have not eventually learned anyway had they not come along. I’m just being real with it!
Comon Cents
October 2nd, 2012
12:11 pm
Lady~ Which feeds back into what Ex said. Why not just hit the bootay and milk the relationship clock. If your girl is willing to feed herself a line of BS and she believes that BS she is feeding herself, why do anything different?
Celisea
October 2nd, 2012
12:12 pm
Well, for me and my life, I always try and take something away. EVERY experience is something to learn from. If you can’t learn or see it as all bitter and bad, that’s a reflection on you and your shortcomings. I’ve learned a lot in my experiences and I’m no less than any women if you’re dream was the pickett fence. It’s not mine.
disco
October 2nd, 2012
12:14 pm
kimmie – I didn’t even realize I mistakenly put that “don’t” in there until you reposted. glad you still got it.
Celisea
October 2nd, 2012
12:14 pm
And if you can’t yourself learn from experiences, then you better not have kids, cause that’s the same thing you’re gonna hopefully teach them.
SlimUno
October 2nd, 2012
12:15 pm
CC – Well how does she get away with falling asleep that often without repurcussions?
Comon Cents
October 2nd, 2012
12:15 pm
disco~ Just goes to show how your brain assimilates things. I didn’t notice that until you just responded to her repost… LMAO!
Comon Cents
October 2nd, 2012
12:17 pm
Slim~ She has been here for YEARS! She is in her mid to late 60’s and apparently has worked here since before the firm was bought out by the current owner. She is the paralegal for a partner who does tax and she does a lot of QuickBooks stuff for his clients. They have been together so long, I guess he just takes it. **shrugs** IDK. I wish I would catch mine sleeping. She would be looking for a job today.
disco
October 2nd, 2012
12:21 pm
CC – I love how you said today. I’m always amazed when you look around and see who can get away with what. other employees get resentful wondering just why so and so can get away with such and such and why management just seems to look the other way. it can be a real mess.
SlimUno
October 2nd, 2012
12:27 pm
Yeah, I guess for times like this it sort of sucks that my boss works out of PA so he doesn’t actually see a lot of what goes on here.
Comon Cents
October 2nd, 2012
12:29 pm
disco~ Because it would definitely be today. At that point, I don’t even need you to finish out the work day; you can go ahead and start looking for the boss that doesn’t mind you sleeping on billable time. The reality is, in my field, if you don’t bill, you don’t make any money. Well, since I pay her by the hour instead of by the billable hour, whether she is productive or not, I have to cut her a check. Therefore, I would rather pay someone who is actually interested in making US some money instead of lining her nest with my feathers. IJS
SlimUno
October 2nd, 2012
12:30 pm
Subway has soup now…I tried the broccoli and cheese and it’s okay, not good as Panera Bread’s though
kimmie
October 2nd, 2012
12:30 pm
Celisea – Other than a few hurtfull things that went down in the past, things that if anyone is out there dating for any length of time is bound to come accross, my experiences with my exes were not all bitter and bad. Part of that is, while there were a few I truly did hang around too long for, I didn’t hang around and be mistreated. Maybe things were not as passionate or exciting as they could be if I had been with the right person at the right time, but I was not getting my behind kicked either.
Life is learning, to me. I like to learn something new every day. But if I’m completely honest with myself, when I look back on my past relationships, nothing I “learned” from most of those guys was really that eye-opening! I’m sure I’m wrong, but I just think some folks use the whole “but I learned something” as a way to console themselves for staying too long in a bad situation. I also think it gives some exes more credit than they really deserve. Now some might see my attitude as being bitter, but I call it being honest with myself and taking ownership of my part. None of these dudes put a gun to my head to make me stay. No promises, no kids together, nothing. The guys were not all bad, they just were not all that!
Lady~cool beans :-)
October 2nd, 2012
12:32 pm
miss me with GROWTH chile please…………..yeah what C said~ to each their own however they spin it~ it is what it is~
humbly, happily, whatever~
disco
October 2nd, 2012
12:36 pm
CC – I feel you. not that I’ve come across the sleeping co-worker but I mention the chick that makes 20-25 personal calls all the time and I’ve my share of other offenders over the years. it’s definitely a shake your head situation.
Celisea
October 2nd, 2012
12:37 pm
Kimmie – That’s why we’re all different individuals. I can only speak for me. I don’t have to console myself and “fool” myself about anything. When I say I learned something, I learned something. If it was nothing but to get out of something running too long. And when I say I learned something, it’s nothing centered around that person, I’m talking on a much deeper level. About myself, and life, about how to operate as a person, how to see reality…those type things. You can always learn something, heck anything without it being directly tied to a BF or GF. Life is so much bigger and grander than “relationships” alone. Life is the whole of it, relationships, children, jobs, coworkers, seeing others….are apart of what makes up life. So no, when I speak, I’m not stuck solely on some situation or some dude. I’m talking holistically. And there’s absolutely nothing wrong with growing up and seeing sunshine and the good that came from it. Just because you didn’t marry the person and moved on does not mean good didn’t come from the situation…but again, you gotta be in “learning” mode to get that. I believe I went through all I went through (and trust me, I don’t do abuse or rotten dudes) because I brought forth life. My experience gave me the oversight in dealing with my kid, it gave me what to do when I physically handled her as a youngster. All these type things are what I speak on. Not just what did I learn from Ray Ray or Larry or Jim….not I’m speaking on a much grander level.
Celisea
October 2nd, 2012
12:37 pm
Exactly Lady, exactly!!
disco
October 2nd, 2012
12:42 pm
kimmie – to add to your post I also think the stance that you learned about men/women or you learned about relationships isn’t even really all that valuable because you learned about that particular man/woman/relationship. not saying you can’t take what you learned and apply it elsewhere but saying there’s the double standard of then bringing old stuff into the new relationship. It’s almost a semantic catch 22. goodness knows I’ve heard enough men say “I’m not so and so or I’m not like other men”.
Lady~cool beans :-)
October 2nd, 2012
12:44 pm
holistically<<<< therapeutic C lol
Celisea
October 2nd, 2012
12:46 pm
Lady – Let those of us that can “LEARN” something, get what we need to get and move on. Stuck on stupid and dangling from dumb dumb is a bad place to be for anybody. Man or woman. Relationship, FB, FWB…all of it….lolololol
Comon Cents
October 2nd, 2012
12:46 pm
Of topic~ I took kimmie and Slim’s ideas and merged them together with Little Cents. We had a long talk about how the tooth fairy had already been alerted that she had lost her tooth at school and could not find it. Therefore, the tooth fairy had decided that she should draw a picture of the tooth and put it in the tooth pillow and that would suffice in the place of the tooth. She had a great time doing it and the hubs and I sprinkled fairy dust (i.e. glitter) over her and left her a note from the tooth fairy (written by her older brother) that explained that she is not the first child to lose a tooth and that she has a “special place” for the pictures drawn of the teeth that were lost. Worked like a charm!
Lady~cool beans :-)
October 2nd, 2012
12:47 pm
seeing sunshine and the good that came from it. <<<<<<<<<<<<<<SUNSHINE~ Roy Ayers voice! ha!
Lady~cool beans :-)
October 2nd, 2012
12:50 pm
Ditto C not bout to beat the dead horse~ we grown! lol
Celisea
October 2nd, 2012
12:50 pm
Lady – Noooo ma’am….lololol You do you and I’ll do me…it is what it is
Celisea
October 2nd, 2012
12:51 pm
Lady – Stick a fork in me cause I’m done.
SlimUno
October 2nd, 2012
1:03 pm
CC – Awwww, now that sounds like it was magical. I think i’m going to cry now
Comon Cents
October 2nd, 2012
1:05 pm
Slim~ It was pretty dang awesome. Thank you guys so much for the idea!
Lady~cool beans :-)
October 2nd, 2012
1:06 pm
Where is Bluz?!? lol I need her assessment….so over this substance abuse add on~
Anyone carry to give me their take with this…..I will appreciate it if so~
1) With regard to the denial so often seen by those entering treatment, what specific strategies are suggested from a dynamic perspective to help one who in actuality has a significant problem with a substance? Have some of you had experience with the approach suggesting we confront denial, and if so, do you think this was helpful and with whom is this approach helpful?
2) Also, I’d like to know your reactions to the positive correlation (or comorbidity) between personality disorders and substance abusers. Rather than a specific question I’d just like you to share your thoughts about your agreement, concerns, etc.
Lady~cool beans :-)
October 2nd, 2012
1:07 pm
meant care not carry~
SlimUno
October 2nd, 2012
1:10 pm
CC – I find that anything that allows them to get creative usually makes for a good time. I like how you got her brother involved too. Too bad the tooth fairy doesn’t bring adults money because I’d knock a few out of the beau’s mouth to pawn off.
i'm swiss
October 2nd, 2012
1:11 pm
OMG, I don’t have the patience for this! This chick is supposed to have been a java developer & she can’t comprehend simple template language structure / syntax! Is Wayne Brady gonna have to choke a b!tch?!?!?!
Blackfoote: The Real Blackfoote
October 2nd, 2012
1:16 pm
Hey Afternoon:
Don’t hang on when it’s over let it go. I know folks become stagnant and hang on for finacial stability, or don’t have enough self esteem to start over. If you’re in a thing and all the other person do is make you feel you’ve been run over you’re wasting your time/life.
Blackfoote: The Real Blackfoote
October 2nd, 2012
1:25 pm
Shoot men know within a year whether he wants to marry or not, women often know earlier. If your thing has gone passed two years chances start dwindling for a wedding at the chappel. Grown mature men don’t lead women to the Garden of Eden and waste hers and his time.
Comon Cents
October 2nd, 2012
1:38 pm
Lady~ Well, I have clients that are definitely on the substance abuse list. One of the steps that we take is to have a A & D Counselor do an evaluation on the indivdual and give us a report that we can take to the court to help the judge make a determination in sentencing. In has been my experience that even though this is for a judge, when a client sees temselves in black & white based on their own answers it is often a “come to Jesus” moment. Also, it is a useful tool in helping the family members deal with their role in the dynamic that is an addict’s life. Many times, the “healthy” members of the family/friends circle do no comprehend their role in the addict’s sickness and how they enable the addict to continue using.
Not sure if that is what you’re looking for, but that has overwhelming been my experience.
kimmie
October 2nd, 2012
1:39 pm
Not just what did I learn from Ray Ray or Larry or Jim….not I’m speaking on a much grander level.
Cel – That’s really where I was coming from. I didn’t learn anything grand or earthshattering that I probably would not have gotten already. Now my husband – I have learned much and have so much respect there.
A lot of what I learned about relationships & men I feel I got from my dad, uncles, brothers, other men I’ve known, the good and the bad. With the past relationships, they just confirmed a lot of what I’d already been told about men. With hubs, I’m learning and seeing things dad and others never told me or couldn’t tell me. That sets this relationship apart from the others.
Lady~cool beans :-)
October 2nd, 2012
1:40 pm
Thank you much! will use this after I find a few facts to support this stance! appreciate it CC~
kimmie
October 2nd, 2012
1:45 pm
Comon – That is one of the sweetest things I’ve read in a long time. Let them stay kids and have some fun and magic for a little while. They have the rest of their life to deal with the tough stuff life can bring!
Exiled!
October 2nd, 2012
1:48 pm
Slim…u gon cry bout the tooth fairy story?
Maybe why not forget to take the pill and let officer hit it outa the park for a home run.
I’ll then cuddle ur own
What’s the topic now
Bluzgirl
October 2nd, 2012
2:08 pm
Hey all! I’ve been slammed with work today, so unable to read through everything. Just wanted to say a quick hello.
As far as wasting time…I felt like I wasted at least one year out of my two year relationship that ended in Feb, but I have to tell myself that I learned a lot. I put up with a lot of stuff that I will no longer put up with. So…if you learn, then it’s not a waste!
Hope all are well!
Lady~cool beans :-)
October 2nd, 2012
2:10 pm
MRS. TAZZEE MAE JENKINS ROCKS!!!!! #hearther! #carryon
Lady~cool beans :-)
October 2nd, 2012
2:16 pm
I also want to thank EACH of you that go out your way to help me regardless the situation~ I love my growth from Lady J to Lady~
Celisea
October 2nd, 2012
2:25 pm
Kimmie – Gotcha!
kimmie
October 2nd, 2012
2:30 pm
Leggs told me to tell you all hello!!
kimmie
October 2nd, 2012
2:46 pm
Disco, Leggs says she misses your wit!
Lady~cool beans :-)
October 2nd, 2012
2:49 pm
alrighty gang!!!!! C will do~ peace out!
Comon Cents
October 2nd, 2012
3:12 pm
Lady~ No problem. If you need a good A & D counselor, I am glad to recommend one. I know several, but it depends on the area you are in.
disco
October 2nd, 2012
3:48 pm
kimmie – if you are still around – tell leggs thanks and that I miss having a person around who understands my wit. lol.
i'm swiss
October 2nd, 2012
4:09 pm
Holy sh!t!!!! I’m gonna punch this chick in the f__king face!!!
“Why doesn’t my module show anything? Is it because the list of results is empty?”
HOW THE F_CK SHOULD I KNOW?????? Check the size of the M@#$@$F#@#ING list, for crying out loud! Who asks this sh!t?????
i'm swiss
October 2nd, 2012
4:10 pm
Sorry, I just had to vent….
