Dating: Are you wasting your time?
One of the most frustrating things about dating can the feeling that you are wasting your time with the wrong person. Every dating experience we go through teaches us about ourselves, so it is not a complete waste of time. However, we should know when it is time to let go and move on.
That’s sort of hard to figure out when you really like someone but things are not progressing anywhere. How can you tell if you are in a dead end relationship?
I think people end up sticking with the wrong person for a really long time because they rather play it safe. Even if all signs point to the fact that things won’t work out, a lot of people prefer bad relationship to no relationship at all.
Have you ever stayed in a relationship too long? When did you know things should end?
Typical time wasters are: the friend zone, stuck in a booty call situation, or in a relationship with someone incompatible. How do you know if you are in a time wasting situation?
By Wise Diva, Misadventures in Atlanta Dating
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118 comments Add your comment
Single and Happier "Life Happens!"
October 2nd, 2012
11:14 am
Disco, a hater, really now (LOL) ijk disco,
DuShawn
October 2nd, 2012
11:14 am
I never quite understood the concept of a relationship “going somewhere”, or “wasting time”. That is truly a feminine ideology. Most women equate those terms with marriage. I have a question for the ladies. If you became involved with a man that treats you well, keeps you happy and smiling, you both love one another; he’s committed to exclusivity, but has no desire to get married. Is the time you spend together a waste?
Single and Happier "Life Happens!"
October 2nd, 2012
11:17 am
Dushawn, you know most women have to put their fairy tale puzzle together. “I’ve been dreaming about this life since I was a little girl”
disco
October 2nd, 2012
11:20 am
by the way, S/H, I was not one of those women who spent her childhood daydreaming about her wedding day. of course, I don’t imagine that you are surprised.
MsAtl
October 2nd, 2012
11:23 am
Shawn, I do not consider that time a waste, assuming all of those items you listed (treats you well, committed, etc.).
Single and Happier "Life Happens!"
October 2nd, 2012
11:24 am
Disco, that’s why I did not say all,
Lady~cool beans :-)
October 2nd, 2012
11:33 am
Sunshine Day C in progress~ lets start our favorite tunes
Du, I know mnay LTR that sustain when they both want the same things and not wanting to marry~ such as life. do whatever floats your bot per se~ I do look to remarry soon~ why not I say!
Lady~cool beans :-)
October 2nd, 2012
11:34 am
boat and many excuse errors~
Lady~cool beans :-)
October 2nd, 2012
11:37 am
those long term engagements are not the business either……dead weight per se…..i know that couple but they will declare they are HAPPY~
SlimUno
October 2nd, 2012
11:38 am
OMG we just caught the new girl laid back knocked the fugg out sleep just now….snoring and everything.
Exiled!
October 2nd, 2012
11:39 am
So dudes won that 9 year argument afterall!
Glad u gals came round like u always do most times..
Balance …uall need umm we all need balance..coz y’all chics tend to get emotional at first.
Us dudes sit back,analyze and put a finger on it…
Then uall simmer down from the hummpff then chilex
Good…nice to see Cel and Common being stand up on it
Hey MIA!
On topic:
If u don’t play the ima independent card too much,a dude might give u substance in the relationship.
But if u play the independent card,then it is what it is.
He gon hit the bootey and just milk the relationship clock.
Good morning!
SlimUno
October 2nd, 2012
11:39 am
I took a picture of her…
Lady~cool beans :-)
October 2nd, 2012
11:42 am
Ex you so have a point sir~ lol #funnies
MsAtl
October 2nd, 2012
11:43 am
Slim- I wish AJC had a “like” button, lol.
SlimUno
October 2nd, 2012
11:51 am
MsAtl – I was going to post it on fb but i’ll exercise restraint and spare her. lol
Comon Cents
October 2nd, 2012
11:52 am
Shawn~ The problem with your scenario is that most relationship are not 100 on the other things being great. Dude is out doing his thing, but still wants wifey privileges without making the girl wifey. Although, to be fair, I don’t know why girly would want to be dude’s wifey anyway if that is the case.
What I’m saying, is generally, the relationship is not some Eutopia in the storm and the only issue is that dude won’t marry her.
Celisea
October 2nd, 2012
11:53 am
Lady – I’m with you allllll the way
Comon Cents
October 2nd, 2012
11:53 am
Slim~ We have a paalegal in our office who sleeps through meetings, conference calls, etc. I have walked by her office several times and caught her napping. She nuzzles her head in her chest like big bird and snoozes away. Shenanigans I tell you!
Lady~cool beans :-)
October 2nd, 2012
11:57 am
CC I agree~ the couple I speak of the chic was ready almost 8 years ago……..but she got an engagement ring….why not seal the deal…….but please don’t seal the deal if you don’t want to be married but my point is the chic is sticking it out and always have……sigh! not throwing rocks bc its their situation but don’t think it is candyland and I often have to remind her to stop faking~
kimmie
October 2nd, 2012
12:09 pm
Sup Gang!
I am too thru with Bert show 9 Year chick, but somehow not surprised. I still feel sorry for her, in fact, even more. Because she’s so clueless to the fact that even if dude comes back & says he’s sorry and wants her back, she still really has NOTHING!! This was not, oh we had a big fight and he went to bunk at his brother’s place for a few days to cool off. No, dude already moved into another apt and had his mail changed over. He’s been planning this for months, if not years! So I feel sorry for her for being SO in the dark. She needs help.
Dushawn – The only way that works is if BOTH TRULY don’t want marriage. In fact, it would not even be an issue. I don’t care how nice he is to me, if I want marriage and he doesn’t, that means we are incompatible. It’s a deal breaker. Doesn’t mean he’s a bad person or I’m somehow desperate. There is nothing wrong, we are just wrong for each other. So yes, any time she hangs around after he’s told her, hoping he’ll change his mind is a waste of time, at least on the romantic front.
Disco – some times folks really do just waste time. I get that it’s not a waste if you don’t learn anything but I have to admit that I believe some folks really aren’t learning a daggone thing.
I so agree with you.
It’s a waste of your love-life time to spend years with someone that does not want the same things. Sure, you might have had some good times, some good laughs, that you could have had with one of your buddies. Or you could have had the same experiences with someone you see eye to eye with on a romantic level too. Plus, let’s not forget if you are a woman that would like a family and would like to raise a family with a husband and not go it alone, yes alot of your best years are not to be fooled with with someone who does not feel the same.
Miss me with the “as long as you learned something” stuff. The time I spent with other guys I didn’t marry was not all bad, but I didn’t learn anything earthshattering either that I would have not eventually learned anyway had they not come along. I’m just being real with it!
Comon Cents
October 2nd, 2012
12:11 pm
Lady~ Which feeds back into what Ex said. Why not just hit the bootay and milk the relationship clock. If your girl is willing to feed herself a line of BS and she believes that BS she is feeding herself, why do anything different?
Celisea
October 2nd, 2012
12:12 pm
Well, for me and my life, I always try and take something away. EVERY experience is something to learn from. If you can’t learn or see it as all bitter and bad, that’s a reflection on you and your shortcomings. I’ve learned a lot in my experiences and I’m no less than any women if you’re dream was the pickett fence. It’s not mine.
disco
October 2nd, 2012
12:14 pm
kimmie – I didn’t even realize I mistakenly put that “don’t” in there until you reposted. glad you still got it.
Celisea
October 2nd, 2012
12:14 pm
And if you can’t yourself learn from experiences, then you better not have kids, cause that’s the same thing you’re gonna hopefully teach them.
SlimUno
October 2nd, 2012
12:15 pm
CC – Well how does she get away with falling asleep that often without repurcussions?
Comon Cents
October 2nd, 2012
12:15 pm
disco~ Just goes to show how your brain assimilates things. I didn’t notice that until you just responded to her repost… LMAO!
Comon Cents
October 2nd, 2012
12:17 pm
Slim~ She has been here for YEARS! She is in her mid to late 60’s and apparently has worked here since before the firm was bought out by the current owner. She is the paralegal for a partner who does tax and she does a lot of QuickBooks stuff for his clients. They have been together so long, I guess he just takes it. **shrugs** IDK. I wish I would catch mine sleeping. She would be looking for a job today.
disco
October 2nd, 2012
12:21 pm
CC – I love how you said today. I’m always amazed when you look around and see who can get away with what. other employees get resentful wondering just why so and so can get away with such and such and why management just seems to look the other way. it can be a real mess.
SlimUno
October 2nd, 2012
12:27 pm
Yeah, I guess for times like this it sort of sucks that my boss works out of PA so he doesn’t actually see a lot of what goes on here.
Comon Cents
October 2nd, 2012
12:29 pm
disco~ Because it would definitely be today. At that point, I don’t even need you to finish out the work day; you can go ahead and start looking for the boss that doesn’t mind you sleeping on billable time. The reality is, in my field, if you don’t bill, you don’t make any money. Well, since I pay her by the hour instead of by the billable hour, whether she is productive or not, I have to cut her a check. Therefore, I would rather pay someone who is actually interested in making US some money instead of lining her nest with my feathers. IJS
SlimUno
October 2nd, 2012
12:30 pm
Subway has soup now…I tried the broccoli and cheese and it’s okay, not good as Panera Bread’s though
kimmie
October 2nd, 2012
12:30 pm
Celisea – Other than a few hurtfull things that went down in the past, things that if anyone is out there dating for any length of time is bound to come accross, my experiences with my exes were not all bitter and bad. Part of that is, while there were a few I truly did hang around too long for, I didn’t hang around and be mistreated. Maybe things were not as passionate or exciting as they could be if I had been with the right person at the right time, but I was not getting my behind kicked either.
Life is learning, to me. I like to learn something new every day. But if I’m completely honest with myself, when I look back on my past relationships, nothing I “learned” from most of those guys was really that eye-opening! I’m sure I’m wrong, but I just think some folks use the whole “but I learned something” as a way to console themselves for staying too long in a bad situation. I also think it gives some exes more credit than they really deserve. Now some might see my attitude as being bitter, but I call it being honest with myself and taking ownership of my part. None of these dudes put a gun to my head to make me stay. No promises, no kids together, nothing. The guys were not all bad, they just were not all that!
Lady~cool beans :-)
October 2nd, 2012
12:32 pm
miss me with GROWTH chile please…………..yeah what C said~ to each their own however they spin it~ it is what it is~
humbly, happily, whatever~
disco
October 2nd, 2012
12:36 pm
CC – I feel you. not that I’ve come across the sleeping co-worker but I mention the chick that makes 20-25 personal calls all the time and I’ve my share of other offenders over the years. it’s definitely a shake your head situation.
Celisea
October 2nd, 2012
12:37 pm
Kimmie – That’s why we’re all different individuals. I can only speak for me. I don’t have to console myself and “fool” myself about anything. When I say I learned something, I learned something. If it was nothing but to get out of something running too long. And when I say I learned something, it’s nothing centered around that person, I’m talking on a much deeper level. About myself, and life, about how to operate as a person, how to see reality…those type things. You can always learn something, heck anything without it being directly tied to a BF or GF. Life is so much bigger and grander than “relationships” alone. Life is the whole of it, relationships, children, jobs, coworkers, seeing others….are apart of what makes up life. So no, when I speak, I’m not stuck solely on some situation or some dude. I’m talking holistically. And there’s absolutely nothing wrong with growing up and seeing sunshine and the good that came from it. Just because you didn’t marry the person and moved on does not mean good didn’t come from the situation…but again, you gotta be in “learning” mode to get that. I believe I went through all I went through (and trust me, I don’t do abuse or rotten dudes) because I brought forth life. My experience gave me the oversight in dealing with my kid, it gave me what to do when I physically handled her as a youngster. All these type things are what I speak on. Not just what did I learn from Ray Ray or Larry or Jim….not I’m speaking on a much grander level.
Celisea
October 2nd, 2012
12:37 pm
Exactly Lady, exactly!!
disco
October 2nd, 2012
12:42 pm
kimmie – to add to your post I also think the stance that you learned about men/women or you learned about relationships isn’t even really all that valuable because you learned about that particular man/woman/relationship. not saying you can’t take what you learned and apply it elsewhere but saying there’s the double standard of then bringing old stuff into the new relationship. It’s almost a semantic catch 22. goodness knows I’ve heard enough men say “I’m not so and so or I’m not like other men”.
Lady~cool beans :-)
October 2nd, 2012
12:44 pm
holistically<<<< therapeutic C lol
Celisea
October 2nd, 2012
12:46 pm
Lady – Let those of us that can “LEARN” something, get what we need to get and move on. Stuck on stupid and dangling from dumb dumb is a bad place to be for anybody. Man or woman. Relationship, FB, FWB…all of it….lolololol
Comon Cents
October 2nd, 2012
12:46 pm
Of topic~ I took kimmie and Slim’s ideas and merged them together with Little Cents. We had a long talk about how the tooth fairy had already been alerted that she had lost her tooth at school and could not find it. Therefore, the tooth fairy had decided that she should draw a picture of the tooth and put it in the tooth pillow and that would suffice in the place of the tooth. She had a great time doing it and the hubs and I sprinkled fairy dust (i.e. glitter) over her and left her a note from the tooth fairy (written by her older brother) that explained that she is not the first child to lose a tooth and that she has a “special place” for the pictures drawn of the teeth that were lost. Worked like a charm!
Lady~cool beans :-)
October 2nd, 2012
12:47 pm
seeing sunshine and the good that came from it. <<<<<<<<<<<<<<SUNSHINE~ Roy Ayers voice! ha!
Lady~cool beans :-)
October 2nd, 2012
12:50 pm
Ditto C not bout to beat the dead horse~ we grown! lol
Celisea
October 2nd, 2012
12:50 pm
Lady – Noooo ma’am….lololol You do you and I’ll do me…it is what it is
Celisea
October 2nd, 2012
12:51 pm
Lady – Stick a fork in me cause I’m done.
SlimUno
October 2nd, 2012
1:03 pm
CC – Awwww, now that sounds like it was magical. I think i’m going to cry now
Comon Cents
October 2nd, 2012
1:05 pm
Slim~ It was pretty dang awesome. Thank you guys so much for the idea!
Lady~cool beans :-)
October 2nd, 2012
1:06 pm
Where is Bluz?!? lol I need her assessment….so over this substance abuse add on~
Anyone carry to give me their take with this…..I will appreciate it if so~
1) With regard to the denial so often seen by those entering treatment, what specific strategies are suggested from a dynamic perspective to help one who in actuality has a significant problem with a substance? Have some of you had experience with the approach suggesting we confront denial, and if so, do you think this was helpful and with whom is this approach helpful?
2) Also, I’d like to know your reactions to the positive correlation (or comorbidity) between personality disorders and substance abusers. Rather than a specific question I’d just like you to share your thoughts about your agreement, concerns, etc.
Lady~cool beans :-)
October 2nd, 2012
1:07 pm
meant care not carry~
SlimUno
October 2nd, 2012
1:10 pm
CC – I find that anything that allows them to get creative usually makes for a good time. I like how you got her brother involved too. Too bad the tooth fairy doesn’t bring adults money because I’d knock a few out of the beau’s mouth to pawn off.
i'm swiss
October 2nd, 2012
1:11 pm
OMG, I don’t have the patience for this! This chick is supposed to have been a java developer & she can’t comprehend simple template language structure / syntax! Is Wayne Brady gonna have to choke a b!tch?!?!?!