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Dating: Process of elimination?

My friend JB has a common dating dilemma that happens to the best of us: He has two really great prospects but is having a difficult time deciding which one he should eliminate and which one should get all of his attention.

Things have been pretty casual and laid back, but he knows this won’t last forever. At some point, he has to decide who is more suitable for him.
What do you do if you have two romantic interest and both seem worth the effort? Do you decide based on who you are most physically attracted to? Who you are most compatible with in terms of background, upbringing, values, etc.?

Have you ever been in a situation where you needed to figure out who to pursue and who to let go? How did you decide?

Happy Monday!

By Wise Diva, Misadventures in Atlanta Dating Blog

292 comments Add your comment

Lily

October 1st, 2012
7:06 am

Diva, I’m impressed that he knows he can’t have his cake and eat it too. That is a wonderment! Most won’t be as decent as he. Truly truly commendable!! He should hand out lessons: How to be a Gentleman 101

Single and Happier "Life Happens!"

October 1st, 2012
7:12 am

Lily I got to say it, what else do you do with cake (ROTFLMAO)
On topic, you have to make up your mind what each of you are looking for, if it’s long term then choose one, if it’s casual dating, doesn’t make a difference. Just make sure everyone is on the same page.

Lily

October 1st, 2012
7:15 am

IMO you have to think longterm and life time. Weigh the pros and cons and eliminate according to the one you can see yourself spending a life time with. Most times, when having to decide, I’ve had to cut mister uber handsome. Usually there’s a character deficit going on. Sorry, but looks cannot substitute for all other areas where it matters. Honesty, no game playing, forthcoming, etc. What good is it choosing the one that wears the best on my arm, but rotten to the core?! No thank you! That’s a rotten tooth waiting to happen!

Lily

October 1st, 2012
7:22 am

@Single and Happy: Just on your statement alone (since you didn’t ask), you read like that man that plays dumb, never take issues seriously and plays dumb. LMAO

Single and Happier "Life Happens!"

October 1st, 2012
7:28 am

Lily life is what you make of it, Can’t make an issue out of everything . :-) And yea I’ve been accused of not taking issues seriously, but I have to remind them, their issues are not my issues :-D

Lily

October 1st, 2012
7:33 am

As I figured and there you have it.

Single and Happier "Life Happens!"

October 1st, 2012
7:51 am

So lily because I don’t take on others issues I’m playing dumb? :-)

Lily

October 1st, 2012
8:02 am

Single and Happy, no. I just read you to say if a woman has an issue with you having cake and eating it too, that’s her issue, not yours. In relationships or the effort to have one, sometimes there are issues between two that must be addressed. Sometimes there is an issue for one that would need to be taken seriously by both. It doesn’t seem fair to say that’s your issue, not mine and you deal with it if you are both in it together.

Comon Cents

October 1st, 2012
8:46 am

Good morning!

Lily & S/H are off to a start this morning! I have to agree with Lily, though. If you know a woman wants an exclusive relationship and you don’t tell her you have another prospect on the horizon, that is YOUR issue and not hers. You are setting the situation up for failure. On the other hand I agree with S/H that as long as you are upfront and everyone is on the same page, it’s not an issue.

Exiled!

October 1st, 2012
9:02 am

Well,well,well…,happy Monday ofcourse!

The issue is Not that dude is double dipping…

The issue is Who should dude chose?

The guy has done a wonderful jobthus far,attracting the attention of two worthwhile prospects,now the dilemma?

Go with your gutt.
If he wants to chose for the purposes of long term commitment,it’s usually easy if you are true to yourself first. But if the sweet tooth is messing with your head,you are going to be confused by the physical prowess of the other. That ain’t as important tho!

He needs to decide early before he gets caught. Otherwise they are going to decide for him. And the impetuos one will just bolt. Angry at that for being played.

But not before she slashes some tyres! :lol:

Happy Monday MIA!

Celisea

October 1st, 2012
9:06 am

Rainy morning folks,

The only folks I know that are cool with you having a rotation or “more than one”, are the ones doing the same. No one in their right mind wants you doing and saying to them, the same things you’re doing and saying to another. I have read it here often that you cannot concentrate and really give it your all in having several….or more than one. The best way to elimate, in my experience has been to go with the one that’s more relationship minded. Not about (all the time) whooping it up and living in the moment and come tomorrow, he can’t remember what you (with me), just the day before. I, like Lily, have had to go with the one who’s core is true and forthcoming, who is serious about me and how he treats me. Who values life, himself, who values me and what I think, the one who’s principles and values run parallel with mine. Not just shrug off what it’s important to me as just my issue or my problem. Not the one that says I should be grateful how he treats me, just in the moment and is treating another women equally nice the next week. One that “gets it” when it’s not sufficient that I be happy with scraps and crumbs. Not some dude that only wants to play on the playground. Frankly that kind should only get his chicks from the same playground….lol

Exiled!

October 1st, 2012
9:08 am

But Lily..u just cut Mr handsome just becoz without any proof….

Really!

That’s called low self esteem,I think! :lol:

Now granted,Mr handsome will have a menu of chics , I agree but it don’t necessarily follow,he will follow thru on the tasting..tasting ..tasting ……am I being biased here ….. :lol:

Because on the female side,I do believe that a beautiful woman is a multiplication of problems! :lol:

disco

October 1st, 2012
9:12 am

good morning. I must say, as far as the topic goes, that there’s a good problem to have. lol.

SlimUno

October 1st, 2012
9:15 am

It’s Mundane Monday….and a wet one too. :twisted:

As far as the topic, I think it’s already been answered. However, he not only has to figure out if he’s just looking for short-term fun or long term committment but he needs also to know what each women is looking for as well. It very well could be that she doesn’t want exactly what he wants. But it if all lines up, then that should help even more with the decision process.

Will give my update a little later in the afternoon…

Celisea

October 1st, 2012
9:33 am

And if I can just clarify, even though I spoke on rotation, this situation isn’t exactly that. This dude seems like he’s wanting to do the right thing. But, if he can’t or won’t decide soon, then it’s heading to “rotationville”…lol Again and right now he reads as pretty stand-up and ready to do the right thing rather than greedy and trying to have both.

disco

October 1st, 2012
9:38 am

not to jump topic so soon but did the radio show address last week’s dilemma re old boy dipping with “it is what it is”?

Celisea

October 1st, 2012
9:47 am

disco – I’ve been listening and have earplugs in now, unless I missed something, they’ve not said too much on it. I bet they’re still trying to either get him on or he declined.

Celisea

October 1st, 2012
9:50 am

They just said it…the closure call will be concluded tomorrow! Stay turned!

Exiled!

October 1st, 2012
9:50 am

But uuggh…I think he has already dipped tho Celisea….but it has been casual and laid back….I think those are three adults there..canoodling and what not…no pressure..altho to be honest…there is a blind side in both chics that they don’t recognize….

Now if he continues dipping…,u know u females…the casual starts with,’why don’t u just spend the nite’ :lol: to the point where u park the car each day and she making dinner! :lol: meanwhile the other one is buzzing on the cell and leaving multiple messages! ‘Terrel,where are you,Terrel’

He needs to drop one do the right thing.

Coz good puddy will compromise a stand up dude’s principles.trust! :lol:

Celisea

October 1st, 2012
9:50 am

Bert said “it is what it is, it is another woman”….lol I agree

disco

October 1st, 2012
9:51 am

celisea – either that or she ran him over with her car over the weekend.

Celisea

October 1st, 2012
9:54 am

Mmeello – Let me further clarify, you know me, I don’t advocate playing several(as in more than one) folks. It’s wrong…period. Treat others how you want to be treated. In all fairness, it should be an assumption, unless a person outright says otherwise, that they’re may be others they’ve casually dated. Frankly, I think he’s in a good place.

Now unless the both of y’all are cool casually seeing other people and you both have put that on the table, then have at it. Keep it though, to the folks all playing on the same playground…lol Don’t take playground behavior to the world where grown folks live.

Celisea

October 1st, 2012
9:55 am

disco – Ummm, I would say he ran her over….lol She was pretty distraught. No, I’m kidding, I felt bad for her Friday.

Celisea

October 1st, 2012
9:56 am

And I say him cause he was snuffing out the problem….I’M KIDDING

Celisea

October 1st, 2012
9:56 am

Well, I found something for the golf tourney. Now, if it would just rain Thursday, that would be even better :evil:

Celisea

October 1st, 2012
9:57 am

MMeello – I do believe that a beautiful woman is a multiplication of problems!

Good thing I’m average :mrgreen:

disco

October 1st, 2012
9:58 am

C – all I can think of is all the crazy chicks in the movies who went there. fatal attraction, thin line line between love and hate and one that doesn’t generally make the list but she tickled me – daishiki in don’t be a menace (in south central while drinking your juice in the hood) – lol. remember she was reading poetry and then she went all “the next MF that leaves me, I’m going to take my knife”. maybe old girl was distraught on Friday but by the time Saturday rolled around she had something for his behind.

Celisea

October 1st, 2012
10:02 am

disco – Yeah, and the dudes are almost always looking like WTHeck??? It it was an affair, I would add, “should have thought about that first.” It’s it’s been nine years and you just layed on her, I’ll say again “should have thought about that”, but if it’s just a break-up then, I’m there with him (or her), whichever one on the receiving end of the crazied…lol Actually, I didn’t see Don’t Be a Menace but I caught the boiling rabbit scene from Fatal Attraction.

Celisea

October 1st, 2012
10:03 am

“If” it was an affair…is what I meant

disco

October 1st, 2012
10:06 am

don’t be a menace was definitely a stupid movie but I thought it was funny and it had a “message”. lol. the boiling rabbit scene was something but to me I thought the better scene was when he came home and old girl was sitting up in his house engaged in conversation with his wife. that’s deep right there.

where is everybody?

Celisea

October 1st, 2012
10:09 am

Yep, Fatal Attraction was a movie to be remembered. Even I was scared and I was just watching…lol

Celisea

October 1st, 2012
10:10 am

Slim popped in and said she’ll be back later. It’s raining, we’re the only two working. Everybody else is booed up.

disco

October 1st, 2012
10:13 am

we’re the only two working? or maybe the only two hardly working. lol.

why they gotta be boo’ed up? why can’t they just be skipping work? maybe they got a flat tire and are stuck on the side of the road. maybe they are at work but the computers are down. maybe they wanted to get a head start on picking out Halloween costumes and so they are out shopping. you see I’m willing to go with anything other than boo’ed up on a rainy day.

Celisea

October 1st, 2012
10:15 am

disco – That’s the reality of (somewhat) chilly rainy weather. Everybody called in sick and hanging out with their boo. Maybe I should have done it too…lololol

And I’ll give you “hardly working.” lol

Single and Happier "Life Happens!"

October 1st, 2012
10:16 am

Lily, the having your cake and eating it too was in reference that being one of those saying that folks use that doesn’t make sense. Never had a cake that that I didn’t eat.

And as far as issues, I’m a change the the things you can and don’t worry about those that I can’t type of person. So if my woman comes to me with an issue that I can change, then we will do that, if I can’t then she needs to make up her mind if she can deal with it or not, but we’re not going to keep discussing it. and the same goes for me.

Now for making a choice, when that time comes for me, it’s not that hard, I know which one I want to be with.

SlimUno

October 1st, 2012
10:20 am

Cel – I’m still here…I just didn’t want to sway the convo so early in the morning. lol

Celisea

October 1st, 2012
10:20 am

Slim – You got something you want to toss out there?

Comon Cents

October 1st, 2012
10:21 am

I’m popping in and out this morning. I was sick as a dog on Friday and over the weekend so I had to bring my tail in today, but I don’t think I am going to make it the whole day. Wishing I was boo’ed up…

disco

October 1st, 2012
10:21 am

C – doesn’t someone on this blog have some magic fairy dust or something? can we put a blog potion on the folks who called in to lay up? yeah. I might be hating but like old boy said, it is what it is. lol.

S/H, slim – thanks for joining us. slim, if you have something to put out there. have at it.

Single and Happier "Life Happens!"

October 1st, 2012
10:23 am

Slim how was the weekend with your sister?

Celisea

October 1st, 2012
10:25 am

disco – You’re gonna have to “hate” alone this morning. I’m not hating on the folks booed up…lol I’m just not TODAY because I don’t hang out of work. Fifteen years ago maybe…lol I guess just knowing if I wanted to get my “booed up” on today, I could have :mrgreen:

Comon Cents

October 1st, 2012
10:28 am

disco~ Beware, that magic potion might backfire and you might end up boo’ed up… IJS.

Celisea

October 1st, 2012
10:30 am

I was actually thinking of taking someone with me next week but that might not be a good thing to do. I can easily get it done because I’m traveling alone, rather than a group of folks. I see folks doing it all the time and heck, we’re in a conference. Meaning, everybody sees their companion hiking along with the group. It always seems tacky to me. Tacky as in all out in the open, nothing discrete about it.

What do y’all think?

Comon Cents

October 1st, 2012
10:33 am

IDK, C, I guess I would only think it’s tacky if this is not a long term thing. You know, you have those people that are sloppy with it and bring serial dates to company functions. But if this is a long term boo and you know he will be around, I don’t think it’s tacky.

Comon Cents

October 1st, 2012
10:34 am

You just made think of a lawyer who used to work here and we didn’t even give his girls names anymore. There were so many we just started numbering them… LOL!

Single and Happier "Life Happens!"

October 1st, 2012
10:40 am

C if it’s somewhere the person can entertain themselves while you do your work stuff, would be fine.

disco

October 1st, 2012
10:40 am

CC – not that y’all were walking around talking about “have you met twelve?” that’s funny.

Celisea

October 1st, 2012
10:40 am

Well, I’m not nor have I ever been the revolving door type gal. Not my style. I dunno….I’m still weighing if it’s a good move.

Celisea

October 1st, 2012
10:41 am

Single – That’s the other thing. They would have to keep entertained because I have to work and will be tied up until the evening.

Celisea

October 1st, 2012
10:42 am

Shoot, I know me, I can chill and order room service, maybe step outside a bit, but I would have no problems finding “stuff” to do…lol