accessAtlanta

City & State or ZIP Tonight, this weekend, May 5th...
City & State or ZIP
City & State or ZIP Tonight, this weekend, May 5th...
City & State or ZIP

Dating: I can dress myself!

My beau has this thing about giving me fashion/style suggestions. The first time he did this, we were getting ready to go to one of his co-workers parties. I got the sense that he wanted to make sure I was “on point” and represented him well.

I am not going to lie, this did not go over well with me. I’ve been dressing myself for years and no man has ever given his opinion about what I wore, how I wore, or why. Yet, here I was having an actual discussion about my dress and shoe selection with the guy I am dating. How did I get here!? I mean, the fact that we are dating shows he already liked my style, doesn’t it? I was actually offended.

After I had a talk with beau and determined he wasn’t trying to be a controlling jerk, we got to a mutual understanding: I won’t throw my fabulous shoe at his head for making fashion suggestions. He won’t try to treat me like some trophy girl that he dresses to his personal liking. It’s all about compromise, people!

My friend was teasing me that we were Kanye and Kim Kardashian. Apparently, Kanye wanted to give Kim a makeover and was making fashion choices for her. That’s just great, now some men will think this is perfectly acceptable behavior.

Would it bother you if the person you were dating had strong opinions about what you wore? Do we have a right to dress our dates like their our little ken and barbie dolls?

Is this supposed to be the new foreplay? Instead of men plotting to get us out of our clothes, they try to get us in clothes? Does that turn men on? Enlighten me, please.

By Wise Diva, Misadventures in Atlanta Dating Blog

253 comments Add your comment

Single and Happier "Life Happens!" (Isn't it amazing when other people know you better than you know yourself)

September 28th, 2012
6:59 am

Trying to tell you how to dress to impress his friends (first message sent by semaphore flags!)

“After I had a talk with beau and determined he wasn’t trying to be a controlling jerk” umm yea!

Hello all

Lily

September 28th, 2012
7:14 am

Diva, I think you might be uber sensitive. lol I think it’s cute, to some degree. Kanye and Kim are a bit,more extreme. Even though she could stand to accept a few tips. I believe it’s okay to suggest, within reason, to one another. Going beyond cutesy suggestions spills over into controlling behavior.

lee

September 28th, 2012
7:16 am

I didn’t know it was all about the clothes, must be only the shallow people.

Jeff

September 28th, 2012
7:44 am

It’s usually the woman in the relationship that’s telling the man what to wear.

But, I gotta say, if you aren’t willing to wear what I want in private, I ain’t wearing what you want in public.

Single and Happier "Life Happens!" (Isn't it amazing when other people know you better than you know yourself)

September 28th, 2012
7:46 am

Lily would you be okay with a man buying you some clothes?

Lily

September 28th, 2012
8:07 am

Absolutely! Have had it done, but so have I!

Jeff, I’m with you!

Single and Happier "Life Happens!" (Isn't it amazing when other people know you better than you know yourself)

September 28th, 2012
8:10 am

Lily when you buy, it is by their taste or your taste, and vice versa?

Lily

September 28th, 2012
8:12 am

When I buy for him, it’s what suits his taste.

Kat

September 28th, 2012
8:20 am

I think you went a bit over the line; sounds like he was only trying to help ensure that you seem to be in line with what his friends know or expect of you – especially his coworkers! Perhaps he did not know that you preferred your own individualistic, above-all-others type of style. I expect you will get your walking papers soon, and will continue to date versus any sort of long-term relationship.

Single and Happier "Life Happens!" (Isn't it amazing when other people know you better than you know yourself)

September 28th, 2012
8:23 am

Lily you married (LOL) :-)

Kat, so do you think you should live by others standards? Is it more important what your friends and coworkers think of your mate than what you think of them?

Button

September 28th, 2012
8:29 am

Hi Diva, why should you have to conform to his liking for an event he invited you to? You are right, he chose to date you, so he mustve already liked what he saw in you, including your style/fashion, unless you had on a bag when you two met. or do you wear the same thing every time you met. I say wear what make YOU feel comfortable. I mean you are an adult with a mind right. And I’m pretty sure you know how to dress for the occasions also. The guy is being a jerk jmo.

Button

September 28th, 2012
8:31 am

Kat I think it should be the other way around, Diva should be giving him his walking papers. What the guy is asking for is insulting at best.

MsAtl

September 28th, 2012
8:32 am

Morning all. Ihave bought man clothing before and it was usually what suits their taste. If I saw a shirt or tie that I liked, I would buy it but I wouldn’t presume to tell someone how to dress unless they asked for my opinion. On that note, I wouldn’t want anyone to try to overhaul me unless I was on a makeover show or I was dating a fashion designer and even then, you only have so much influence and control.
O/T- headed out on vacay. Take care

Button

September 28th, 2012
8:45 am

My guy complains that I always wear pants. I don’t like wearing dresses, I own one dress and it’s black for funerals. I’m not going to go out and buy a bunch dresses. He has to know that I am my own individual. I don’t feel comfortable in dresses and if he were to ask me to wear one to any kind of functions it would not go over well. I can be just a cute in a nice pants suit too!

Exiled!

September 28th, 2012
8:47 am

Kat,u on point!

And when did u get a boyfriend Diva!

Ofcourse if it is a relationship both parties must be free to offer suggestions and pointers.
You are going to his office party,that means he knows the culture there more than yourself! Simple,isn’t it.
Don’t show up at my office party wearing clothes that yell,’stanky ho!’ and I’m supposed to be with you saying none about it? Around my peers?

My foot!

If u too sensitive and High horsish then keep the revolving door wide open!

Exiled!

September 28th, 2012
8:53 am

This is the very reason why men in Atlanta enjoy milking the cow but not buying it.

The cows don’t like to be restrained! :lol: they have minds of their own.

Keep on milking Boys! :lol:

Exiled!

September 28th, 2012
8:57 am

Is it Friday or I’m dreaming?

That went so fast!

@Dushawn where u been buddy?

I’m
Enjoying ur reads,as always…

Was reading blog from 12 midnite to 1:00 am this morning! :lol:

SlimUno

September 28th, 2012
8:58 am

Good morning,

If my dude wants to make suggestions, then he should go out and buy me some of the things he wants to see me in. I wouldn’t have a problem with that as long as it wasn’t something excessive in that he was trying to totally uproot and dismiss my style altogether. The beau hasn’t ever really said anything about what I’ve worn. He’s asked if i own a dress like such and such, if some chick comes on tv or something. I like dresses but am mainly a jeans kind of chick but you won’t find me in something so short you can see how many ovaries I have.

disco

September 28th, 2012
9:06 am

good morning all. yeah it’s Friday but I, for one, will be much happier when it’s Friday afternoon. better yet, Friday night.

I don’t think I’d fly off the handle re the occasional fashion suggestion. key word “suggestion”. a tip is a tip so I’ll take it into consideration. some of my tried and true fashion/make up/wardrobe essentials started off as a tip. now if dude were trying to dictate what I wore, going all kindergarten and laying my outfit out on the bed for me that would be different. if I were going around a guy’s group of friends, family, co-workers, whatever and I had never met any of them I might even ask from the gate “how should I dress”.

Exiled!

September 28th, 2012
9:11 am

Slim…u see that is messed up thinking…a dress suggestion means dude must buy the clothes?

Really….?

If chic were like that to me..had that attitude..bur her milk (gold) is top notch.. from henceforth I’m just making sure I mine her gold but nothing more!

kimmie

September 28th, 2012
9:22 am

Morning All!!

I’ve been where Diva is/was and can totally relate. I had 2 guys I dated back when I was younger to insult me about my clothes. I even spoke on here about one of them. That dude tripped on what I was wearing to just chill at home – I didn’t get dressed up enough for him when he came over once, even though I was neat, clean and smelling good.

A suggestion, like Disco said, is fine. I have no problem if there is a particular outfit he loves to see me in and suggests I wear it. But there is a fine line between suggesting and dictating – which I will not tolerate. I know how to dress and have excellent taste – part of that good “home-training” I recieved. No one I dated could ever accuse me of embarassing them when we went out. He could take me to the hole-in-the-wall club with the gang or the White House. I’m sure there are women out there that might not know what is appropriate to wear. Well, you knew that when you picked them up, so you get what you get. I don’t fall in that category, so yes, I would be insulted. All I need to know is what the dress for the event calls for – is it formal, business casual, jeans, etc?

If anything, it’s been a few dudes that could use a nomination to “What Not To Wear”, not me! And yeah, like Slim said, if you want me to take it to another level and wear designer originals, well I do know how to use your Amex black card!LOL!!!

Celise®

September 28th, 2012
9:23 am

Morning,

It’s one thing to have suggestions and ideas and “oh baby this would be cute on you” versus all out demands and controlling. Here’s how I see it, sometimes another set of eyes can’t hurt. Too and IMO, it’s what couples do. There shouldn’t be a hard line of “you can’t tell me” or “you’re not the boss of me” drawn in the sand. Having the ability between one another to do nice things or make suggestions is apart of the ebb and flow. Lawd, it’s not that big of a deal nor that difficult. I believe each of us, man and woman alike knows when someone is pushing the envelope to the point of controlling. At least most of us do anyway. Enjoy the feedback from one another and have fun with it. :mrgreen:

Single and Happier "Life Happens!" (Isn't it amazing when someone you've never meet knows you better than you know yourself)

September 28th, 2012
9:24 am

Ex, she dressed like a skanky ho when you meet her, but when it comes to your peers she needs to dress accordingly?

Slim I agree, if I don’t like what you wear, I do need to buy your clothes, you can’t be expected to conform to everyone’s taste. When it all boils down, who is the relationship really with, you or everybody else in his life?

Twinkletoes

September 28th, 2012
9:25 am

Any man who tries to tell me what to wear will soon be looking for another date/companion! I haven’t needed such direction from anyone since I was 12 (am now 76) and making my own entire wardrobe! I too feel it was insulting you and your taste in wearing apparel to attempt to tell you what HE wants you to wear! That indeed, spills over into controlling territory!

SlimUno

September 28th, 2012
9:27 am

Ex – No, only if he has something to say ALL the time. A mere suggestion here and there is fine. So you can cap the gold digger talk right about…….Now ;-)

Celise®

September 28th, 2012
9:28 am

Suggestions demand….suggestions demand….suggestions demans

See, not the same thing.

kimmie

September 28th, 2012
9:28 am

Single – Loving your 9:24. You get it.

Celise – You get it too. Fine line……

Celise®

September 28th, 2012
9:28 am

And just because you boo “suggests” something or picks something he knows is to your taste and liking is not conforming.

Celise®

September 28th, 2012
9:30 am

Kimmie – Exactly. Any grown man or woman would know better than to try and re-raise and sculpt another adult.

Robert

September 28th, 2012
9:31 am

“Would it bother you if the person you were dating had strong opinions about what you wore?”

Today everybody must conform to society and face reality. Sometimes people make personal choices (tattoos, earrings, etc.) that are not acceptable. I hope my woman uses common sense when she dresses for work or play. If we are going out to dinner or a night out on the town dancing the night away I like for her to dress sexy but respectful. For example I hate to see a mature woman dress like a “slutt” (dress to short, breast exposed, fish nets stockings, fake eyelashes, etc.). I hate to see a mature dress like a younger woman. It is not sexy or appealing. Grow-up and act your age. Dress age appropiate.

Single and Happier "Life Happens!" (Isn't it amazing when someone you've never meet knows you better than you know yourself)

September 28th, 2012
9:32 am

Kimmie, I’ve bought girlfriends clothes in the past and the first thing I’ve always emphasized to them is don’t bury it in your closet thinking I’m trying to change you, If you don’t like it, take it back and get something that you’re going to wear.

disco

September 28th, 2012
9:33 am

celisea – re suggestions/demands. for some reason I thought of the line “it would behoove you”. I think that’s from Friday or some movie or other.

SlimUno

September 28th, 2012
9:33 am

SH – Now I am 34 and won’t be 35 until next June but I’m finding I’m starting to get a little “spread” going on. The jeans aren’t slipping on without a bit of hesitation when I get to the mini hips I have and I’m not used to it. lol

Single and Happier "Life Happens!" (Isn't it amazing when someone you've never meet knows you better than you know yourself)

September 28th, 2012
9:35 am

“Today everybody must conform to society and face reality.” Seriously??

“Grow-up” (rotflmao)

Single and Happier "Life Happens!" (Isn't it amazing when someone you've never meet knows you better than you know yourself)

September 28th, 2012
9:37 am

Slim, most of us get a little spread, and it gets harder and harder to get slow it down (LOL)

disco

September 28th, 2012
9:38 am

robert – fish nets??? folks still wear those? heck, they still sell those? lol.

S/H – nothing like the gift receipt. a guy gave me some boots last winter. I give him an A for his taste because the boots were fly. problem was they were a brand that I don’t generally wear. I like cute but I like comfortable more. I returned the boots and was pleasantly surprised how much he spent on them. had a good time buying myself something I would actually use. in fact, I remember spending most of the money at the mac counter.

Single and Happier "Life Happens!" (Isn't it amazing when someone you've never meet knows you better than you know yourself)

September 28th, 2012
9:41 am

Disco, some people think it’s an insult to return a gift, but will bury it in the back the closet.

Celise®

September 28th, 2012
9:43 am

One thing about me, I believe you can do sexy and stay covered. I’m not one for flashing tons of flesh while out. IMO, that’s got cheesy written all over it…lol

disco

September 28th, 2012
9:45 am

I have enough stuff buried in the closet that I purchased for myself and never got around to wearing. I can’t start collecting stuff that other people bought. just last weekend I did a closet sweep and bagged up stuff to give away. not only were there many items with tags still on them but some of this stuff had been there for quite some time. if more stores had a “no questions asked” return policy I could have a nice little fall shopping spree. of course, I guess shopping got me here in the first place. catch 22.

Exiled!

September 28th, 2012
9:46 am

Single?

If she dressed like a stinky before u met her then that’s different,u take her around your peers ou when u going to the bootey club…

My queen asks me,’how do I look’..she’s open to that..

And umm u know me…I wil tell her how she looks…I even crack a joke bout it if i ain’t feeling it.

I ain’t dating chic that knows’ everything’,even her fashion! Say Church ladies!

The best fashion designers out there are men so that I font wear dresses ain’t gon cut it.

If we visiting some of the mist respectable folks in my blood inaint going let u dress up to see them,wearing a dress that,u bend down to luck up something,ur whole nether behind reveals ur thong! It ain’t happening.

If she didn’t get the idea(???) or I’m missing the word here…then I’m gon say,’hey baby,that won’t fly,u look cute but if we going to the club..,’

If she decides to frown and act a kid she can stay home!

Exiled!

September 28th, 2012
9:48 am

I was rushing yo forgive my Nigerian English! :lol:

kimmie

September 28th, 2012
9:52 am

The best fashion designers out there are men

Exiled – Technically they are men…….

Single and Happier "Life Happens!" (Isn't it amazing when someone you've never meet knows you better than you know yourself)

September 28th, 2012
9:55 am

okay ex

As for me, if you’re not dressing appropriately (what ever that is) during the get to know you phase, we don’t even have to worry about how you dress “If we visiting some of the mist respectable folks in my blood” cause it’s not going to get to that. To ask ’how do I look’, (something that shouldn’t have to asked) but to tell someone how they should dress for an occasion is something else.

Button

September 28th, 2012
10:04 am

Exile says: If we visiting some of the mist respectable folks in my blood inaint going let u dress up to see them,wearing a dress that,u bend down to luck up something,ur whole nether behind reveals ur thong! So if you were visiting unrespectable folks it would be ok?

Exiled!

September 28th, 2012
10:06 am

Single..a lot of time,folks who shacking or married are dressing up in the bedroom at the same time…

Dressing ‘appropriate’ is not necessarily negative….

I think that’s where u miss the point.

Not All conceivable situations that happen could have been encountered during ur dating days. It’s not practical.

So there are times really when U or ur baby really is struggling with getting the right look…

Damm these folks know it Alls! :lol:

Celise®

September 28th, 2012
10:10 am

I’m sooooooo ready to go. That’s not good I guess, considering I have 7 more hours. Well, technically 6, since I’ll be having lunch for about an hour.

cba

September 28th, 2012
10:10 am

Kat 8:20, Ex 8:47, Celise 9:23, Disco 9:06, glad y’all got it. As Celise said, it’s not that difficult.

What if the guy is a young manager @ IBM, that one culture or what if he’s a young manager @ a tech startup, different culture. Not that complicated.

Celise~ I see you dropped the “a” :-)

Celise®

September 28th, 2012
10:10 am

Meelloo you’re so passionate about fashion?? Or, your woman and fashion?? Whodda thunk it…lol

Single and Happier "Life Happens!" (Isn't it amazing when someone you've never meet knows you better than you know yourself)

September 28th, 2012
10:11 am

Ex, nope haven’t encountered everything, but encountered enough to know what I like and don’t like, doesn’t take long to figure that out.

Exiled!

September 28th, 2012
10:13 am

Button…if I were in the bootey club it’s on…I don’t respect anybody there beyond ‘here is ur dalla bill’ :lol:

that was my point!