Dating: I can dress myself!
My beau has this thing about giving me fashion/style suggestions. The first time he did this, we were getting ready to go to one of his co-workers parties. I got the sense that he wanted to make sure I was “on point” and represented him well.
I am not going to lie, this did not go over well with me. I’ve been dressing myself for years and no man has ever given his opinion about what I wore, how I wore, or why. Yet, here I was having an actual discussion about my dress and shoe selection with the guy I am dating. How did I get here!? I mean, the fact that we are dating shows he already liked my style, doesn’t it? I was actually offended.
After I had a talk with beau and determined he wasn’t trying to be a controlling jerk, we got to a mutual understanding: I won’t throw my fabulous shoe at his head for making fashion suggestions. He won’t try to treat me like some trophy girl that he dresses to his personal liking. It’s all about compromise, people!
My friend was teasing me that we were Kanye and Kim Kardashian. Apparently, Kanye wanted to give Kim a makeover and was making fashion choices for her. That’s just great, now some men will think this is perfectly acceptable behavior.
Would it bother you if the person you were dating had strong opinions about what you wore? Do we have a right to dress our dates like their our little ken and barbie dolls?
Is this supposed to be the new foreplay? Instead of men plotting to get us out of our clothes, they try to get us in clothes? Does that turn men on? Enlighten me, please.
By Wise Diva, Misadventures in Atlanta Dating Blog
accessAtlanta Partner Sites
Sections
Advertise on accessAtlanta.com »
Reach the audience you want by advertising on accessAtlanta.com
Join the Access Atlanta Network »
Advertisers and Publishers, expand your reach by joining the Access Atlanta Network.
Tell us what you think about the site
Visitor Agreement | Privacy Statement | About our ads
© 2013 The Atlanta Journal-Constitution
253 comments Add your comment
Single and Happier "Life Happens!" (Isn't it amazing when other people know you better than you know yourself)
September 28th, 2012
6:59 am
Trying to tell you how to dress to impress his friends (first message sent by semaphore flags!)
“After I had a talk with beau and determined he wasn’t trying to be a controlling jerk” umm yea!
Hello all
Lily
September 28th, 2012
7:14 am
Diva, I think you might be uber sensitive. lol I think it’s cute, to some degree. Kanye and Kim are a bit,more extreme. Even though she could stand to accept a few tips. I believe it’s okay to suggest, within reason, to one another. Going beyond cutesy suggestions spills over into controlling behavior.
lee
September 28th, 2012
7:16 am
I didn’t know it was all about the clothes, must be only the shallow people.
Jeff
September 28th, 2012
7:44 am
It’s usually the woman in the relationship that’s telling the man what to wear.
But, I gotta say, if you aren’t willing to wear what I want in private, I ain’t wearing what you want in public.
Single and Happier "Life Happens!" (Isn't it amazing when other people know you better than you know yourself)
September 28th, 2012
7:46 am
Lily would you be okay with a man buying you some clothes?
Lily
September 28th, 2012
8:07 am
Absolutely! Have had it done, but so have I!
Jeff, I’m with you!
Single and Happier "Life Happens!" (Isn't it amazing when other people know you better than you know yourself)
September 28th, 2012
8:10 am
Lily when you buy, it is by their taste or your taste, and vice versa?
Lily
September 28th, 2012
8:12 am
When I buy for him, it’s what suits his taste.
Kat
September 28th, 2012
8:20 am
I think you went a bit over the line; sounds like he was only trying to help ensure that you seem to be in line with what his friends know or expect of you – especially his coworkers! Perhaps he did not know that you preferred your own individualistic, above-all-others type of style. I expect you will get your walking papers soon, and will continue to date versus any sort of long-term relationship.
Single and Happier "Life Happens!" (Isn't it amazing when other people know you better than you know yourself)
September 28th, 2012
8:23 am
Lily you married (LOL)
Kat, so do you think you should live by others standards? Is it more important what your friends and coworkers think of your mate than what you think of them?
Button
September 28th, 2012
8:29 am
Hi Diva, why should you have to conform to his liking for an event he invited you to? You are right, he chose to date you, so he mustve already liked what he saw in you, including your style/fashion, unless you had on a bag when you two met. or do you wear the same thing every time you met. I say wear what make YOU feel comfortable. I mean you are an adult with a mind right. And I’m pretty sure you know how to dress for the occasions also. The guy is being a jerk jmo.
Button
September 28th, 2012
8:31 am
Kat I think it should be the other way around, Diva should be giving him his walking papers. What the guy is asking for is insulting at best.
MsAtl
September 28th, 2012
8:32 am
Morning all. Ihave bought man clothing before and it was usually what suits their taste. If I saw a shirt or tie that I liked, I would buy it but I wouldn’t presume to tell someone how to dress unless they asked for my opinion. On that note, I wouldn’t want anyone to try to overhaul me unless I was on a makeover show or I was dating a fashion designer and even then, you only have so much influence and control.
O/T- headed out on vacay. Take care
Button
September 28th, 2012
8:45 am
My guy complains that I always wear pants. I don’t like wearing dresses, I own one dress and it’s black for funerals. I’m not going to go out and buy a bunch dresses. He has to know that I am my own individual. I don’t feel comfortable in dresses and if he were to ask me to wear one to any kind of functions it would not go over well. I can be just a cute in a nice pants suit too!
Exiled!
September 28th, 2012
8:47 am
Kat,u on point!
And when did u get a boyfriend Diva!
Ofcourse if it is a relationship both parties must be free to offer suggestions and pointers.
You are going to his office party,that means he knows the culture there more than yourself! Simple,isn’t it.
Don’t show up at my office party wearing clothes that yell,’stanky ho!’ and I’m supposed to be with you saying none about it? Around my peers?
My foot!
If u too sensitive and High horsish then keep the revolving door wide open!
Exiled!
September 28th, 2012
8:53 am
This is the very reason why men in Atlanta enjoy milking the cow but not buying it.
The cows don’t like to be restrained!
they have minds of their own.
Keep on milking Boys!
Exiled!
September 28th, 2012
8:57 am
Is it Friday or I’m dreaming?
That went so fast!
@Dushawn where u been buddy?
I’m
Enjoying ur reads,as always…
Was reading blog from 12 midnite to 1:00 am this morning!
SlimUno
September 28th, 2012
8:58 am
Good morning,
If my dude wants to make suggestions, then he should go out and buy me some of the things he wants to see me in. I wouldn’t have a problem with that as long as it wasn’t something excessive in that he was trying to totally uproot and dismiss my style altogether. The beau hasn’t ever really said anything about what I’ve worn. He’s asked if i own a dress like such and such, if some chick comes on tv or something. I like dresses but am mainly a jeans kind of chick but you won’t find me in something so short you can see how many ovaries I have.
disco
September 28th, 2012
9:06 am
good morning all. yeah it’s Friday but I, for one, will be much happier when it’s Friday afternoon. better yet, Friday night.
I don’t think I’d fly off the handle re the occasional fashion suggestion. key word “suggestion”. a tip is a tip so I’ll take it into consideration. some of my tried and true fashion/make up/wardrobe essentials started off as a tip. now if dude were trying to dictate what I wore, going all kindergarten and laying my outfit out on the bed for me that would be different. if I were going around a guy’s group of friends, family, co-workers, whatever and I had never met any of them I might even ask from the gate “how should I dress”.
Exiled!
September 28th, 2012
9:11 am
Slim…u see that is messed up thinking…a dress suggestion means dude must buy the clothes?
Really….?
If chic were like that to me..had that attitude..bur her milk (gold) is top notch.. from henceforth I’m just making sure I mine her gold but nothing more!
kimmie
September 28th, 2012
9:22 am
Morning All!!
I’ve been where Diva is/was and can totally relate. I had 2 guys I dated back when I was younger to insult me about my clothes. I even spoke on here about one of them. That dude tripped on what I was wearing to just chill at home – I didn’t get dressed up enough for him when he came over once, even though I was neat, clean and smelling good.
A suggestion, like Disco said, is fine. I have no problem if there is a particular outfit he loves to see me in and suggests I wear it. But there is a fine line between suggesting and dictating – which I will not tolerate. I know how to dress and have excellent taste – part of that good “home-training” I recieved. No one I dated could ever accuse me of embarassing them when we went out. He could take me to the hole-in-the-wall club with the gang or the White House. I’m sure there are women out there that might not know what is appropriate to wear. Well, you knew that when you picked them up, so you get what you get. I don’t fall in that category, so yes, I would be insulted. All I need to know is what the dress for the event calls for – is it formal, business casual, jeans, etc?
If anything, it’s been a few dudes that could use a nomination to “What Not To Wear”, not me! And yeah, like Slim said, if you want me to take it to another level and wear designer originals, well I do know how to use your Amex black card!LOL!!!
Celise®
September 28th, 2012
9:23 am
Morning,
It’s one thing to have suggestions and ideas and “oh baby this would be cute on you” versus all out demands and controlling. Here’s how I see it, sometimes another set of eyes can’t hurt. Too and IMO, it’s what couples do. There shouldn’t be a hard line of “you can’t tell me” or “you’re not the boss of me” drawn in the sand. Having the ability between one another to do nice things or make suggestions is apart of the ebb and flow. Lawd, it’s not that big of a deal nor that difficult. I believe each of us, man and woman alike knows when someone is pushing the envelope to the point of controlling. At least most of us do anyway. Enjoy the feedback from one another and have fun with it.
Single and Happier "Life Happens!" (Isn't it amazing when someone you've never meet knows you better than you know yourself)
September 28th, 2012
9:24 am
Ex, she dressed like a skanky ho when you meet her, but when it comes to your peers she needs to dress accordingly?
Slim I agree, if I don’t like what you wear, I do need to buy your clothes, you can’t be expected to conform to everyone’s taste. When it all boils down, who is the relationship really with, you or everybody else in his life?
Twinkletoes
September 28th, 2012
9:25 am
Any man who tries to tell me what to wear will soon be looking for another date/companion! I haven’t needed such direction from anyone since I was 12 (am now 76) and making my own entire wardrobe! I too feel it was insulting you and your taste in wearing apparel to attempt to tell you what HE wants you to wear! That indeed, spills over into controlling territory!
SlimUno
September 28th, 2012
9:27 am
Ex – No, only if he has something to say ALL the time. A mere suggestion here and there is fine. So you can cap the gold digger talk right about…….Now
Celise®
September 28th, 2012
9:28 am
Suggestions demand….suggestions demand….suggestions demans
See, not the same thing.
kimmie
September 28th, 2012
9:28 am
Single – Loving your 9:24. You get it.
Celise – You get it too. Fine line……
Celise®
September 28th, 2012
9:28 am
And just because you boo “suggests” something or picks something he knows is to your taste and liking is not conforming.
Celise®
September 28th, 2012
9:30 am
Kimmie – Exactly. Any grown man or woman would know better than to try and re-raise and sculpt another adult.
Robert
September 28th, 2012
9:31 am
“Would it bother you if the person you were dating had strong opinions about what you wore?”
Today everybody must conform to society and face reality. Sometimes people make personal choices (tattoos, earrings, etc.) that are not acceptable. I hope my woman uses common sense when she dresses for work or play. If we are going out to dinner or a night out on the town dancing the night away I like for her to dress sexy but respectful. For example I hate to see a mature woman dress like a “slutt” (dress to short, breast exposed, fish nets stockings, fake eyelashes, etc.). I hate to see a mature dress like a younger woman. It is not sexy or appealing. Grow-up and act your age. Dress age appropiate.
Single and Happier "Life Happens!" (Isn't it amazing when someone you've never meet knows you better than you know yourself)
September 28th, 2012
9:32 am
Kimmie, I’ve bought girlfriends clothes in the past and the first thing I’ve always emphasized to them is don’t bury it in your closet thinking I’m trying to change you, If you don’t like it, take it back and get something that you’re going to wear.
disco
September 28th, 2012
9:33 am
celisea – re suggestions/demands. for some reason I thought of the line “it would behoove you”. I think that’s from Friday or some movie or other.
SlimUno
September 28th, 2012
9:33 am
SH – Now I am 34 and won’t be 35 until next June but I’m finding I’m starting to get a little “spread” going on. The jeans aren’t slipping on without a bit of hesitation when I get to the mini hips I have and I’m not used to it. lol
Single and Happier "Life Happens!" (Isn't it amazing when someone you've never meet knows you better than you know yourself)
September 28th, 2012
9:35 am
“Today everybody must conform to society and face reality.” Seriously??
“Grow-up” (rotflmao)
Single and Happier "Life Happens!" (Isn't it amazing when someone you've never meet knows you better than you know yourself)
September 28th, 2012
9:37 am
Slim, most of us get a little spread, and it gets harder and harder to get slow it down (LOL)
disco
September 28th, 2012
9:38 am
robert – fish nets??? folks still wear those? heck, they still sell those? lol.
S/H – nothing like the gift receipt. a guy gave me some boots last winter. I give him an A for his taste because the boots were fly. problem was they were a brand that I don’t generally wear. I like cute but I like comfortable more. I returned the boots and was pleasantly surprised how much he spent on them. had a good time buying myself something I would actually use. in fact, I remember spending most of the money at the mac counter.
Single and Happier "Life Happens!" (Isn't it amazing when someone you've never meet knows you better than you know yourself)
September 28th, 2012
9:41 am
Disco, some people think it’s an insult to return a gift, but will bury it in the back the closet.
Celise®
September 28th, 2012
9:43 am
One thing about me, I believe you can do sexy and stay covered. I’m not one for flashing tons of flesh while out. IMO, that’s got cheesy written all over it…lol
disco
September 28th, 2012
9:45 am
I have enough stuff buried in the closet that I purchased for myself and never got around to wearing. I can’t start collecting stuff that other people bought. just last weekend I did a closet sweep and bagged up stuff to give away. not only were there many items with tags still on them but some of this stuff had been there for quite some time. if more stores had a “no questions asked” return policy I could have a nice little fall shopping spree. of course, I guess shopping got me here in the first place. catch 22.
Exiled!
September 28th, 2012
9:46 am
Single?
If she dressed like a stinky before u met her then that’s different,u take her around your peers ou when u going to the bootey club…
My queen asks me,’how do I look’..she’s open to that..
And umm u know me…I wil tell her how she looks…I even crack a joke bout it if i ain’t feeling it.
I ain’t dating chic that knows’ everything’,even her fashion! Say Church ladies!
The best fashion designers out there are men so that I font wear dresses ain’t gon cut it.
If we visiting some of the mist respectable folks in my blood inaint going let u dress up to see them,wearing a dress that,u bend down to luck up something,ur whole nether behind reveals ur thong! It ain’t happening.
If she didn’t get the idea(???) or I’m missing the word here…then I’m gon say,’hey baby,that won’t fly,u look cute but if we going to the club..,’
If she decides to frown and act a kid she can stay home!
Exiled!
September 28th, 2012
9:48 am
I was rushing yo forgive my Nigerian English!
kimmie
September 28th, 2012
9:52 am
The best fashion designers out there are men
Exiled – Technically they are men…….
Single and Happier "Life Happens!" (Isn't it amazing when someone you've never meet knows you better than you know yourself)
September 28th, 2012
9:55 am
okay ex
As for me, if you’re not dressing appropriately (what ever that is) during the get to know you phase, we don’t even have to worry about how you dress “If we visiting some of the mist respectable folks in my blood” cause it’s not going to get to that. To ask ’how do I look’, (something that shouldn’t have to asked) but to tell someone how they should dress for an occasion is something else.
Button
September 28th, 2012
10:04 am
Exile says: If we visiting some of the mist respectable folks in my blood inaint going let u dress up to see them,wearing a dress that,u bend down to luck up something,ur whole nether behind reveals ur thong! So if you were visiting unrespectable folks it would be ok?
Exiled!
September 28th, 2012
10:06 am
Single..a lot of time,folks who shacking or married are dressing up in the bedroom at the same time…
Dressing ‘appropriate’ is not necessarily negative….
I think that’s where u miss the point.
Not All conceivable situations that happen could have been encountered during ur dating days. It’s not practical.
So there are times really when U or ur baby really is struggling with getting the right look…
Damm these folks know it Alls!
Celise®
September 28th, 2012
10:10 am
I’m sooooooo ready to go. That’s not good I guess, considering I have 7 more hours. Well, technically 6, since I’ll be having lunch for about an hour.
cba
September 28th, 2012
10:10 am
Kat 8:20, Ex 8:47, Celise 9:23, Disco 9:06, glad y’all got it. As Celise said, it’s not that difficult.
What if the guy is a young manager @ IBM, that one culture or what if he’s a young manager @ a tech startup, different culture. Not that complicated.
Celise~ I see you dropped the “a”
Celise®
September 28th, 2012
10:10 am
Meelloo you’re so passionate about fashion?? Or, your woman and fashion?? Whodda thunk it…lol
Single and Happier "Life Happens!" (Isn't it amazing when someone you've never meet knows you better than you know yourself)
September 28th, 2012
10:11 am
Ex, nope haven’t encountered everything, but encountered enough to know what I like and don’t like, doesn’t take long to figure that out.
Exiled!
September 28th, 2012
10:13 am
Button…if I were in the bootey club it’s on…I don’t respect anybody there beyond ‘here is ur dalla bill’
that was my point!
Celisea®
September 28th, 2012
10:13 am
cba – I didn’t even realize I’d removed. I was playing on the blog, late yesterday afternoon with czBrat, trying to figure out how she got the “woman” symbol next to her name. I was testing from the sheet Swiss sent out. My baaaaaad…thanks for catching. Didn’t realize you’re watching that closely. Good looking out
Celisea®
September 28th, 2012
10:15 am
MMeello – ‘here is ur dalla bill’
LOLOLOLOLOL…boy stop! That’s my laugh of the morning.
kimmie
September 28th, 2012
10:21 am
I don’t profess to know it all about anything. There are things I know alot about and things I don’t know much about. I admit it when I don’t know and am always open to learn. Relationships are about give and take. Where one is weak the other is strong. We are adults, though, and nobody dictates to the other.
abc
September 28th, 2012
10:28 am
Nobody is going to modify their perspective on what is and is not acceptable behaviour based on friggin Kanye and his no talent slut ho. Get real.
If your partner makes style preferences known, why not accommodate them? As long as it doesn’t amount to a clown suit, I wouldn’t have a problem with it.
disco
September 28th, 2012
10:28 am
celisea – I’m with you on the ready to bounce/countdown to getting the heck up outta here thing.
re the dolla bill comment. made me think of schoolhouse rock.
Button
September 28th, 2012
10:29 am
Exile you’re a mess lol
Jake-Colt 45 "It Works Every Time"
September 28th, 2012
10:30 am
What up…on Topic…somebody is extra sensitive…if your dude is looking at you dress and the “outfit” isn’t as hot as you think, do not be offended becuase he lets you know, its not about contol, its about you not be attached to my arm with them Beetlejuice stripes on when there is a perfectly sexy fit that I like right next to it. If I can’t say, I think the red pumps look better without a war, then this thing isn’t going anywhere.
Single and Happier "Life Happens!" (Isn't it amazing when someone you've never meet knows you better than you know yourself)
September 28th, 2012
10:31 am
Kimmie you know how it goes – “you think you know everything” and when you’re quiet, “whats the matter you don’t have anything to say” (LOL) If I know something on the subject then I will add, If I don’t know anything about it, then I will be quiet and learn
disco
September 28th, 2012
10:33 am
S/H – re your moniker addition. I’ve told more than a few folks that they needed to be the expert on them and let me be the expert on me.
Single and Happier "Life Happens!" (Isn't it amazing when someone you've never meet knows you better than you know yourself)
September 28th, 2012
10:34 am
Disco (LOL)
Celisea®
September 28th, 2012
10:38 am
disco – And since we can’t bounce just yet, we need to shake thangs up in here…lol
kimmie
September 28th, 2012
10:38 am
Single – LOL!!! See, that’s why I love the relationship I’m in. You gotta check the ego at the door!! I readily admit it when I don’t know something. I don’t have to be right all the time!
I do have a friend like that & she gets in arguements with EVERYONE, including her husband about EVERYTHING!! I love her to death, but I’ve reached the point in my life where I am confident and comfortable with myself and don’t have to prove anything to anyone. I just shake my head and let her have it most times. Then she looks at me puzzled and I just laugh and change the subject!
Single and Happier "Life Happens!" (Isn't it amazing when someone you've never meet knows you better than you know yourself)
September 28th, 2012
10:41 am
Kimmie, one guy here said when I say I don’t know something give me till the next break then I’ll know (google works wonders) (LOL)
disco
September 28th, 2012
10:42 am
celisea – I need someone to literally come and grab me by the shoulders and shake me up a bit. this morning walking across the parking lot was like trudging through quick sand.
kimmie – you mentioned your “know it all” friend before. I don’t have a know it all, I’ve got one that’s experienced it all. no matter what the topic is she has been there done that even though we all know she’s fronting.
Lady~must be nice!
September 28th, 2012
10:44 am
Happy Friday MIA~
kimmie
September 28th, 2012
10:46 am
Disco – Yes I’ve mentioned her before. Her level of “know-it-allness” is truly amazing sometimes! I mean right now she would profess to know all there is to know about you and she’s never even blogged with you, much less met you!!
Single and Happier "Life Happens!" (Isn't it amazing when someone you've never meet knows you better than you know yourself)
September 28th, 2012
10:46 am
Kimmie also maybe she’s just one who loves to argue. There’s nothing wrong with that, but you have to admit when you’re wrong.
disco
September 28th, 2012
10:52 am
S/H – I happen to be one of those that loves to argue/debate/argue/whatever. still I don’t think I’m right just because I say so. I’m coming with stats, evidence, research something to support my stance. i’m not just pulling stuff out of thin air and I don’t absolutely have to be the “winner”.
kimmie
September 28th, 2012
10:55 am
Single – I think she loves to argue too, but I also think it’s more to it. It’s a level of insecurity there. She’s always got to “one up” everything and everyone. If you got an Acura, she’s got to let you know she’s getting a Mercedes. If your diamond is one carat, she’s got to let you know hers is two. I recently spent time with her and her husband. It had been awhile since I had seen them, and her behavior just kind of hit me in the face. It was really kinda sad, never to be content and satisfied with oneself.
Robert
September 28th, 2012
10:56 am
@disco – “fish nets??? folks still wear those? heck, they still sell those?”
It’s Friday night. Go to any “oldie but goodie” (Ellery’s, Tangaray, etc.) club and you will see plenty of “cougars” wearing “fish nets” looking to catch a young man and rekindle their youth. Dont feed the animals.
Jake-Colt 45 "It Works Every Time"
September 28th, 2012
10:58 am
Robert…don’t forget the hottest spot on the Eastside…Bigelow’s….lol
disco
September 28th, 2012
10:58 am
robert – if you say so. lol. are they still doing the “oak tree”. whew. okay. I’m laughing a little bit now.
Celisea®
September 28th, 2012
11:09 am
I thought Robert lived in DC? No?
Jeff
September 28th, 2012
11:10 am
I’m amazed at how self-centered alot of you are.
kimmie
September 28th, 2012
11:17 am
Jeff, you are so right. There is nothing more important than ME!! In fact, this whole blog was dedicated to the celebration of ME, didn’t you know that?
Single and Happier "Life Happens!" (Isn't it amazing when someone you've never meet knows you better than you know yourself)
September 28th, 2012
11:19 am
Disco, Kimmie we have one of those here, we call him “I can top that”
Here we go (LOL)
Single and Happier "Life Happens!" (Isn't it amazing when someone you've never meet knows you better than you know yourself)
September 28th, 2012
11:20 am
In my own little world, who should be the center (LOL)
Celisea®
September 28th, 2012
11:25 am
I come back and we’re still on fashion?
What else we got for today?
Robert
September 28th, 2012
11:27 am
@Celisea – “I thought Robert lived in DC?”
I was born and raised in the “Chocolate City” and know I live in the ATL. Hello….
Celisea®
September 28th, 2012
11:31 am
Robert – Okay, cool. So you hanging with cougars apparently
kimmie
September 28th, 2012
11:32 am
Cel – Jeff says we’re self-centered on MY blog!!LOL!!
i'm swiss
September 28th, 2012
11:33 am
Happy Friday, peeps!
On topic: So, Diva, maybe you’re different, but I’ve never been with a woman who didn’t freely offer her suggestions on how I should dress. For that matter, I’ve never been with a woman who wouldn’t spend an hour trying on different things, asking my opinion on which looks best, and get upset with me when I tell her they all look great (even though they really do all look great to me). Seems to me like you could be overreacting just a tad. IJS…
Celisea®
September 28th, 2012
11:33 am
Kimmie – LOLOLOL
Shoot, I might have to like Jeff. He likes buying naughty stuff to wear in private. I’ll wear!!!
I’m just funning
Celisea®
September 28th, 2012
11:39 am
I’m on a call with my manager’s manager and he’s reiterating her sentiments from yesterday’s call. BE FLEXIBLE! And there’s going to be some realigning.
Celisea®
September 28th, 2012
11:40 am
Translation: Don’t be telling folks what you ain’t gonna do or giving attitude when asked to step outside of the box
Willie Dynamite
September 28th, 2012
11:41 am
Morning all,
I’m like Ex in that I didn’t know Diva was booed up. Trouble in paradise already over a clothing suggestion. If it was established that buddy wasn’t being a controlling jerk is it safe to assume she overreacted?
Robert
September 28th, 2012
11:41 am
@Celisea – “So you hanging with cougars apparently”
I am an equal opportunity lover and I do not discriminate. “Cougars” need love too and will gladly show their appreciation for a job well done. “Cougars” can be real friends with benefits.
Celisea®
September 28th, 2012
11:45 am
Robert – Is it cougar though if you’re the same or around the same age? I thought “cougar” behavior was a young cat and older chick? I thought you said you had an adult daughter.
Answer me this, if you will…what’s up with dudes only wanting FWB? Older dudes, I guess I should inquire about. Don’t it gets old, laying up for a few minutes (day or so) and heading home? Wouldn’t you want something more stable and long-termed if not permanent? At what age or time does a dude (or woman if she’s going) gets tired of the revolving door?
Single and Happier "Life Happens!" (Isn't it amazing when someone you've never meet knows you better than you know yourself)
September 28th, 2012
11:46 am
WD, I have a friend who’s boyfriend/now husband was established in the beginning not to be a controlling jerk, but yet she’s still complaining because he’s still doing the same thing.
Single and Happier "Life Happens!" (Isn't it amazing when someone you've never meet knows you better than you know yourself)
September 28th, 2012
11:50 am
when you’re older and set in your ways (for the lack of a better term) you don’t won’t the disruption. You’re used to going home to the quietness, coming and going as you please, not having to answer to anyone. It’s hard to break that cycle. Long term usually leads to marriage, and if that’s not on your agenda there is no point.
Single and Happier "Life Happens!" (Isn't it amazing when someone you've never meet knows you better than you know yourself)
September 28th, 2012
11:53 am
Example in a past relationship, I went and got a new car simply because I wanted to. My girlfriend got upset because I didn’t discuss it with her (now mind you I only decided to do it that morning). But my thing was why did I need to, she wasn’t going to help me pay for it.
disco
September 28th, 2012
11:58 am
S/H – and to add to why situations are okay for oldheads. a lot of them put their time in early. maybe the were already married once or twice. maybe they were happy but maybe they weren’t. they were of the generation of staying for the kids or staying because it was just what you were supposed to do. I’m sure there’s a lot of widows out there who will never admit they are glad the old bastid finally died. lol. I’m not knocking folks who aren’t cut out for or seeking long term commitment.
disco
September 28th, 2012
11:59 am
how come a co-worker just came by and asked if I wanted to sign a welcome back banner for a chick coming back from maternity leave. I just looked at her and said “No.” then laughed. if they don’t know me by now, they’ll never never know me.
Lady~must be nice!
September 28th, 2012
11:59 am
C update me honey! lol I am lost~
SlimUno
September 28th, 2012
12:01 pm
O/T: My sis and niece are going to come up here for the weekend
Robert
September 28th, 2012
12:01 pm
@Celisea -
1. Is it cougar though if you’re the same or around the same age?
- “Cougars” are older women dating younger men. “Bears” are older men dating younger women.
2. I thought you said you had an adult daughter?
- I do. She is in her 20’s. I had her as a teenager (17).
3. Answer me this, if you will…what’s up with dudes only wanting FWB? Older dudes, I guess I should inquire about.
– I think men and women want to be happy. As we mature we know what we want and dont want in a relationship. For example I like a sexy, financially secure woman who would rather spend a quality night out on the town with a gentlemen who she is physically attracted to rather than sit home and watch TV alone waiting for Mr. Right. I am a good listener and I enjoy stimulating conversation on diverse topics. Mature women (Cougars) offer me that kind of friendship and I enjoy the benefits.
disco
September 28th, 2012
12:05 pm
robert – out on the town with a gentleman or home alone watching tv? duh. I think the average single woman would like to be out on the town but apparently you left out a step. something has to jump off between being home alone and getting out on the town. is there a 24 hour convenience store someplace where you can swing by and grab a fella to go out on the town with? if so, where so I can gas up and hit the road?
cba
September 28th, 2012
12:05 pm
Hot Dam!! Bikini basketball is on the way……and yes the A is one of seven cities.
Now, if they would add butt nekkid baseball and if the ladies dig and scratch like the men, it could have potential.
i'm swiss
September 28th, 2012
12:12 pm
“Bears” are older men dating younger women
Robert — Um, a quick PSA to any older dudes out there looking to date younger women. You might want to be careful about referring to yourself as a “bear.” It has other meanings, depending on the social circle:
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Bear_(gay_culture)
Willie Dynamite
September 28th, 2012
12:20 pm
Swiss- maybe Robert is trying to tell us something. Hahaha
disco
September 28th, 2012
12:25 pm
color purple chorus – “robert’s trying to tell me something, maybe robert’s trying to tell me something right now”. lol.
Celisea®
September 28th, 2012
12:25 pm
Okay….I’m back
Lady – Girl, I’ve been in and out and really all I know is what’s posted ahead and right after me…lol
Robert – I get alllll of that.Wanting to have peace and solitude, a night out a with a sexy woman. But again, I ask dontcha get tired of revolving bed buddies….at the rip age or 40 plus? I mean, I understand a young cat but not an old one. I’m definitely with you on wanting peace and a good time…and that’s all NO DRAMA!!
cba – What’s up with you? You’re reading rather
friskydifferent these days.Celisea®
September 28th, 2012
12:28 pm
Too, you ain’t qualified to call a woman a cougar if both of y’all reaching the “getting dusty” age. IJS
Lady~must be nice!
September 28th, 2012
12:41 pm
I am eating a turkey, roast beef, and ham sammich with swiss cheese, kettle chips and a ginger ale! #lol random
Lady~must be nice!
September 28th, 2012
12:42 pm
meant C~
Lady~must be nice!
September 28th, 2012
12:44 pm
how do you get a bitter person that holds resentment to humble their heart when that are in the wrong?!? pointers needed bc I am confused…..the one who is in the wrong thinks the world owes him (no one in particular) just observing folks I know…..human behavior is amazing~ that was my favorite class too!
Comon Cents
September 28th, 2012
12:44 pm
Good afternoon, bloggies!
I am home sick today, but couldn’t resist checking in for a minute while I’m awake. Y’all just all over the place apparently!
On topic~ if I am going somewhere with the hubs and it’s his friends, I have no problem with him picking something he would like to see me in. If I am going out with my friends or to work, I’ll pick my own clothes, thanks.
Lady~must be nice!
September 28th, 2012
12:45 pm
meant they are in the wrong~
Celisea®
September 28th, 2012
12:45 pm
Lady – I grabbed wings from a new spot last night in Smyrna…deeeelish I must say. I got bleu buffalo (or something like that) flavored. It was buffalo sauce with bleu cheese mixed in. Not bad, not bad at all. Then too, they weren’t buzzard/pterodactyl sized. I hate big chicken…ugh
Celisea®
September 28th, 2012
12:47 pm
Lady, I’m always baffled. If I’m wrong, I’ll admit it. My motto is own what’s yours. But if it’s mind games and playing and undermining, then as long as I know I’m in the right, maybe not exactly spot on but I’m not wrong? Nah, you own it.
Lady~must be nice!
September 28th, 2012
12:48 pm
lawd I never read the topic~ lol CC~ I like it when my boo gives his two cents here and there…..nothing major though……….
Lady~must be nice!
September 28th, 2012
12:49 pm
yeah I feel ya C~
just interesting……….
Lady~must be nice!
September 28th, 2012
12:50 pm
lol C~ I don’t apologize for loving chicken wings! enjoy sis!
Celisea®
September 28th, 2012
12:52 pm
I think Diva might have been just a tad oversensitive on this issue
Comon Cents
September 28th, 2012
12:53 pm
C- I agree. Diva might have overreacted to that.
Lady- lol @ not reading the topic.
Lady~must be nice!
September 28th, 2012
12:53 pm
something C~ lol
Celisea®
September 28th, 2012
12:55 pm
I didn’t realize she had a beau. Go on then Diva, witcho bad self!!!
Single and Happier "Life Happens!" (Isn't it amazing when someone you've never meet knows you better than you know yourself)
September 28th, 2012
12:59 pm
Disco @ your 11:58, I was only speaking for me, I’ve never been married, and now even thinking about, weighing all that into it.
But I like a woman, who doesn’t have to have a man to go out with, travel with or just be with. If one is available she can roll with that, or if not she can roll alone.
Lady~must be nice!
September 28th, 2012
1:00 pm
back to my end of the week reports~ #smirk
Single and Happier "Life Happens!" (Isn't it amazing when someone you've never meet knows you better than you know yourself)
September 28th, 2012
1:03 pm
disco I meant speaking for the single never married people I know.
cba
September 28th, 2012
1:03 pm
Celisea~it must be the approaching full moon……
Celisea®
September 28th, 2012
1:11 pm
Well, folks (women at that…lol) were on here howling yesterday. You won’t be alone.
Lady~must be nice!
September 28th, 2012
1:13 pm
dead~ roof!
Celisea®
September 28th, 2012
1:17 pm
Shoooot, I ain’t tryna get out of the way either (not talking about cba). I can’t blame them for howling if it’s like that!!!
kimmie
September 28th, 2012
1:44 pm
I decided to spend my lunch money on some things other than lunch. So I’m eating Yakisoba noodles from my desk stash, and some applesauce for dessert. I’m just SO excited about this lunch!!LOL!!
Diva eluded to having a beau awhile back. Yall just have not been paying attention. And sitting from where we are all sitting, outside looking in with limited info, it may appear she’s being sensitive. But she is the one involved in the situation so only she knows. Like I said when I first began today, I’ve been there. Dealing with a dude beyotching about your clothes and trying to be controlling in general is a motha!
Single and Happier "Life Happens!" (Isn't it amazing when someone you've never meet knows you better than you know yourself)
September 28th, 2012
1:46 pm
Kimmie, doesn’t it always start with the little stuff and grow from there. (lets see how far I can take this)
kimmie
September 28th, 2012
1:48 pm
Single – You got it!!! Sometime you gotta nip that little stuff in the bud from jump. Set the tone and let them know you are not the one!
Lady~must be nice!
September 28th, 2012
1:51 pm
my work is done and I am ready to play! God is God! Happy Friday folks and have a wonderful weekend~
Peace~
Exiled!
September 28th, 2012
2:02 pm
Well since u talking eats..last nite(I’m in Schamburg IL) went home round 6:30pm I had no left over cooked food in the fridge..and didn’t feel like cooking…
So I said,well let me check out the local restaurants. Besides,I’m a cheapstake(??) I cook own food,Queen does when I’m home and we go out occasionally.
So I decide to go splurge at the local Texas de Brazil.at nearby Mall(1 mile away).nice environment,good blue blood mostly crowd,nice women(
) and I’m alone at my table..
Problem..I had a meeting at 9:00 pm……so I literally sped away,eating my food…food was off da chain folks….and I was thinking to myself as I ate..,,forget what MIA blog women say..u bring a new date here,to enjoy this setting,this nice food with this blue blood crowd…she will be impressed to give it Up that nite,afraid u might fly away if she don’t do it. She gon have a whole lotta pressure on her conscience!
Dang I didn’t have time to really sit back and enjoy my food. It left me with a lit sour in my mouf for that.. and o wish I had done that in a Friday eve. I was in there 45-50 minutes Mac before I headed back home for a three hour call with folks in India and china.
Tab? Fity
Exiled!
September 28th, 2012
2:02 pm
Fity$ no tip
With tip Six
SlimUno
September 28th, 2012
2:07 pm
I feel a bad headache coming on…wiggedy! On top of that, I have a taste for something different but have no clue where to go. ???
Exiled!
September 28th, 2012
2:08 pm
Well here is what I said to the restaurant manager as I was hurriedly gettibg ng up and him asking’ hope u enjoyed ur food sir’ I said,’ yea food was nice damn I have to go,but next time Im gon be here on a Friday,have more time to sample this good food and with a woman in my arm definitely!’
His reply,’ thereby go’
I told Queen about all this by the way!(what were u thinking now)
kimmie
September 28th, 2012
2:09 pm
Exiled – And I bet if you had all the time in the world, the food would have been nasty!LOL! That’s the way stuff works out sometimes. Life!
Willie Dynamite
September 28th, 2012
2:12 pm
Ex- tell the truth you didn’t tell Queen ALL. I’m sure you left out the wolf parts.
Exiled!
September 28th, 2012
2:14 pm
WD u caught me there player!
Celisea®
September 28th, 2012
2:14 pm
Hilarty and three Hail Marys…lolol
Celisea®
September 28th, 2012
2:16 pm
hilarity
Exiled!
September 28th, 2012
2:20 pm
Kimmie..only one Brazil themed place I have been has been sub par..some imitation in Alpharetta..
Most others I really good and am familiar with them
My meat luving kids luuuv brazil meat and ample choices
kimmie
September 28th, 2012
2:24 pm
Exiled – Hubs took me to one in Marietta for my birthday one year that is the bomb. We went back earlier part of this summer and it was still good. I’ve seen the one you talk about in Alpharetta and have been curious about it. No need to try it now if you say it’s not good. Come to think of it, I don’t see alot of cars around it.
For Real
September 28th, 2012
2:25 pm
What up Blog Fam!
Wacka Flocka is coming! Wacka Flocka is coming!
For Real now slapping the ish out of Wise sensitive azz. I bet ole boy at house right now trying figure out when did he agree to putting up chartreuse curtains and why he knows what chartreuse means.
“I feel a bad headache coming on” – Zippppppppppp take these two and wake me up in 30 mins
Celisea®
September 28th, 2012
2:29 pm
Did anyone hear the Bert Show this morning? The chick that was with her dude 9 years and got a call not to make plans (think she said 2 weeks ago) cause he was coming over…they needed to talk. She said she just knew he was coming over to propose. Well buddy dropped one on her. After 9 years, he was moving on. She said all he said was “it is what it is”….wowzer. Said she carried buddy while he was unemployed and jobless. Said he’d already had a place lined up.
For Real
September 28th, 2012
2:32 pm
Dayum! He could at least pattied her on back and say “Alright den” before he left.
Celisea®
September 28th, 2012
2:33 pm
They’re going to try and get him on Monday for the “closure” call to see if he’ll tell the “real” reason he’s up and left. That should be real intersting.
Celisea®
September 28th, 2012
2:35 pm
For Real – Nope..nothing, according to her. Just said “it is what it is”…now that’s cold. Especially after nine years.
Celisea®
September 28th, 2012
2:37 pm
There (radio hosts) were even telling her to get out and put on clean close…cause they just knew she’d been laying around crying with the same thing on. She said she called her job. She called her job?!?! She took a week of vacation cause I guess she’s just immobilized right about now. That’s sux
SlimUno
September 28th, 2012
2:38 pm
After 9 years all she gets is an “It is what it is?????” Are you freaking kidding me…that’s so disrespectful
Exiled!
September 28th, 2012
2:38 pm
Kimmie..some Queen friend that lives up there invited us to celebrate her kid birfday there cple of years back..2/3 maybe.. I anticipated kinda the same thing with what I’ve experienced at Fogo for example.
Not even close unless they have upgraded.
Off topic: I just hope Potus don’t stumble coz this think is trending like a lock!
At the debates,he just needs to dance like Ali and sting the Mormon like a bee(he ain’t been to the ghetto so he don’t react well to a punch) and the Potus needs to be lucid and invoke jokes here and there to add to validate his likeability in front of america.
I’m gon tell my nephews cousins aunties uncles my mama and dada to surely pray for Potus to punch the Mormon to the election ring canvas!
Celisea®
September 28th, 2012
2:40 pm
After nine years, Idda had him holed up saying “naw dude, you gonna tell me more than that. at least that you find another”…lol Not making light of her but “it is what it is??” Nuh uh.
Slim – I’m not all ultra sensitive but I was thinking the same thing. That was disrespectful beyond disrespectful. Unless we ain’t getting the full story. I hope I’m in the car to listen Monday if he agrees to come on and give his reasons.
They’ve apparently been living on different pages cause she just knew she was getting a proposal.
kimmie
September 28th, 2012
2:40 pm
Celisea – I was just talking to some folks about the Bert Show and that segment. Did you hear the chick that called in after she hung up and said she had 2 friends that had the same thing happen to them?
I felt so bad for the lady though. There were probably signs, but her being with dude for 9 years & thinking everything was cool, she just didn’t see them.
Celisea®
September 28th, 2012
2:41 pm
Okay…I take that back…I can be ultra sensitive. But if a dude is giving me his butt to kiss, no matter how much it hurts, I ain’t breaking down like that. She was sooo broken.
Celisea®
September 28th, 2012
2:43 pm
Kimmie – YES!!! The caller afterwards said both ladies had gone through the same exact thing! I felt bad for her too. I think she did well, keeping herself as composed as she did…cause clearly buddy broken her heart in a million pieces. There is something terribly wrong when you are living in bliss and he’s looking for an out. I agree. I can see being there and not getting along or something, then it’s no surprise. But to think you’re headed down the aisle?
kimmie
September 28th, 2012
2:46 pm
Celisea – I bet dude has been kinda “luckwarm” with her over the course of the last 9 years too. Like the caller said, he was using her all these years, during his layoff and going back to school. I just can’t see a person doing that to someone they were really into and loved. I bet he’s got someone else too. He’s been plotting his exit for awhile now.
SlimUno
September 28th, 2012
2:47 pm
Cel – I’m sure it was the shock of it all and the harshness of how he went about doing it. Like you said, we have no idea what the whole story is and if she’s just been in denial the last few years, months, weeks, days etc. Unless she slept with his best friend, got preggo by some other dude or slapped his mama, I just don’t think that is acceptable behavior. If it was a one-night stand and he is ready to dip, that’s one thing, but to be in each other’s lives for that amount of time, Imma need to know what the hell you tombout – it is what it is. Yeah you’re right….you’re a damn jack ass!
This made me think of the other day my exes mother called me. (I don’t talk to my ex at all) But anyway, she calls to tell me the new girl (which she isn’t new because they used to work together and have been friends every since – yeah we all hung out and I know her) called her up complaining about how irresponsible and wack he is. She said she told that girl, well that’s exactly why Slim left him.
We were cracking up
kimmie
September 28th, 2012
2:48 pm
Lukewarm, not luckwarm, lol!!!
Celisea®
September 28th, 2012
2:48 pm
Kimmie – I there with you on that. I said too, before she was done talking that he’s already booed up. To be that cold? Yeah, he was flexing. That’s why you don’t be up taking care of and carrying folks. Because 9 times out of 10, when they’re on their feet, they’re moving on.
Celisea®
September 28th, 2012
2:50 pm
Slim – Yeah you’re right….you’re a damn jack ass!
Exactly….I ain’t gonna lie, after nine years, to be so cold, I would have snapped. That’s why I said, heck tell me if it’s another woman, I might be able to not knock you the heck out. Just any ole thing? It is what it is….nuh uh
Celisea®
September 28th, 2012
2:52 pm
She said she’s been calling and texting and he’s not responding.
For Real
September 28th, 2012
2:53 pm
That chick is playing victim to get the sympathy vote from everyone. She knew he was done with her last year. That’s why ole boy said “it is what it is”…. I bet ole girl name is Derreyal
Celisea®
September 28th, 2012
2:53 pm
Slim – called her up complaining about how irresponsible and wack he is
That’s usually cause whatever piece of nothing he was with one, he’s gonna be that with the next. She ain’t getting on prized pig…lololol
Celisea®
September 28th, 2012
2:53 pm
For Real – LOLOLOLOLOLOL
kimmie
September 28th, 2012
2:54 pm
That’s why you don’t be up taking care of and carrying folks.
Bingo Cel! My mom told me my dad used to tell her all about these guys he went to medical school with that would have these women putting them thru med school. When they would graduate & get on their feet, you think these women got a ring? Nope! They would move on and marry someone else they just met! He said those that were serious would go on and marry while in school and they struggled together. But those that were just shacking almost never panned out.
H to the Naw!!!!
Celisea®
September 28th, 2012
2:55 pm
Kimmie – That is always always the typical scene. Put buddy through med school while you foot the bills and then presto, he’s a doc and he’s trading in for a new, younger model. Girrrrrl, “oooooh” is all I can say right now….lolololol
Paul
September 28th, 2012
2:55 pm
Women have been making fashion choices for men since the beginning of time. It’s about time that men have that option.
Celisea®
September 28th, 2012
2:56 pm
For Real – I can’t lie and I’m blaming it on the sisterhood. I ached a bit for her.
SlimUno
September 28th, 2012
2:56 pm
Cel – Maybe he’s proposed to the other chick and has a baby on the way…
Celisea®
September 28th, 2012
2:57 pm
I did agree with one thing she said, when they asked if she’d tried to reach out to his family to get an understanding. She didn’t want to pull everybody into their mess.
Celisea®
September 28th, 2012
2:58 pm
Slim – Imma go as far as to say (to your 2:56), hopefully, if you understand what I’m saying. It ain’t right but at least it’s a reason. Just nothing?? Then, if you’re dipping around, be man enough to tell her, hey I stepped out sometime ago and I’m feeling ole girl. We got a baby and getting married. Now, that might cause her to snap but at least she’ll know.
kimmie
September 28th, 2012
3:00 pm
4 Real – From where we all are sitting, she is the victim! Sure, there were probably signs, but she loved dude. You don’t treat people that way. Now if dude calls into the show Monday and says he found out she f’ed the entire neighborhood, then I take my sympathy back. We’ve all been blind to the signs at some point or another, we all don’t come here with everything figured out. Right now, I feel bad for the lady.
Willie Dynamite
September 28th, 2012
3:00 pm
Ex- no prob, it’s ok to tell them about the moon. Thats disclosure and communicating in a relationship. Just don’t tell her you howled at the moon. That’s called divorce. Hahaha
Celisea®
September 28th, 2012
3:03 pm
I agree…For Real…have a heart. I’m telling you, I ached for her. She was pretty composed, considering. She sorted started breaking up towards the end.
Celisea®
September 28th, 2012
3:03 pm
sort of
Willie Dynamite
September 28th, 2012
3:19 pm
9 yrs and no ring. Chick ain’t no victim. Buddy got emancipated. Gender war, hahaha
Celisea®
September 28th, 2012
3:23 pm
WillieD – C’mon now, 9 years and no ring is not exactly her fault alone. I agree, you shouldn’t sit that long “waiting.” Have the talk and find out where things are going. But he knew long before 9 years she wasn’t the marrying kind…for him. To just lay on ole girl and “allow” her to carry you and you bounce when you get your comeuppance??? Nope, he’s not excused. It’s both their faults.
Celisea®
September 28th, 2012
3:23 pm
IJS
Celisea®
September 28th, 2012
3:27 pm
We have been on so many calls regarding organizational changes. This is getting reeeeal interesting.
Ms. Starr
September 28th, 2012
3:30 pm
I have gotten through two pages of these comments. Kat, I think you said it best. Everyone needs to step out of their own shoes and look at this situation in a different light. Firstly, since when do we not ask our mates how should you dress for a particular occasion? Your bf knows the culture and environment and you should take his advice. Secondly, based on how you explained the situation, this wasn’t a control issue. Thirdly, open up your mind to something new or accept the fact that you may have a pretty face, a nice looking body, but don’t wear the appropriate clothes for your body type. Wouldn’t you want someone to tell you that? Better to come from someone that loves you as opposed to a stranger. In my relationship we dress each other inside the house and outside the house, but still maintain our individuality. Just as long as we compliment each other, it doesn’t matter who dresses who. Let go of the dumb stuff. Do some research and understand the difference between “control” and “honesty” or just preparing your mate the culture and environment.
Willie Dynamite
September 28th, 2012
3:31 pm
Cel- it is what it is
Celisea®
September 28th, 2012
3:32 pm
Willie D – I’ll allow you one touche’, but it ain’t right
kimmie
September 28th, 2012
3:33 pm
Cel – I’m with you, it’s both their faults. Yes, he knew early on she was not the one for him. Some people do that, hang until something “better” comes along. He gave her excuses along the way that she bought(I’m unemployed, going back to school, etc) If she had cut & run or insisted on a ring during that time folks would have tried to say she’s being unreasonable.I still feel bad for her. I really wish more young women would get more of a backbone and state what they want up front and be willing to walk if necessary. It would save them alot of heartbreak, or at least some valuable time they could be spending with someone that really wants them and wants to build a life with.
You just don’t treat people that way though. Karma is not going to be kind to dude at all. In fact, I’d be scared if I were he, and the chick I bet he’s with(or could be another dude, who knows?).
Celisea®
September 28th, 2012
3:34 pm
I know me, I ain’t carrying a dude. Little cutesy thoughtful things, yeah but taking care of you??? Naw! But, had I been her and had taken care of him, it is what it is would have come with some reimbursements. No lie, Idda been like (and yeah a bit spiteful) ummm, you need to pay me back for everything…all of it!
Celisea®
September 28th, 2012
3:36 pm
Kimmie – If she had cut & run or insisted on a ring during that time folks would have tried to say she’s being unreasonable.
Exactly. And what’s not surprising, I bet over half the men in America…no, half the men living would see nothing wrong with how he did her. Just no heart. And I agree here…just because you can mistreat or walk over people is not the okay to do so.
Exiled!
September 28th, 2012
3:37 pm
Yea Celisea it’s Both their faults..
but who is crying loud and telling folks…
Shacking really puts a woman in a hole….we know uall want marriage,don’t lie and we know sometimes u give ur man a long rope hoping he is going to come good by u….
But when is a long rope too long??
And when u together like that shacking and bills are getting paid monthly…the routine becomes comfortable..
Don’t do it…shacking that is…
If the nible is good…go get yours but take ur azz home after!
Single and Happier "Life Happens!" (Isn't it amazing when someone you've never meet knows you better than you know yourself)
September 28th, 2012
3:41 pm
9 years, hmmm so we back to last Fridays topic, Is living together a good idea?
After 9 years I can’t say for sure, but my questions would be when was the last time you were romantic, when was the last time you had sex, I’m sure she knew this relationship was over long before he said it.
Exiled!
September 28th, 2012
3:41 pm
Reminds me of Leggs neighbor that was did the same. By her man ….to use Disco’s folk type lingo..(did like that)
I was saddened by the story like I knew her….
But I think some folks,men and women,shack outta economic necessity.
My real good guess.
Single and Happier "Life Happens!" (Isn't it amazing when someone you've never meet knows you better than you know yourself)
September 28th, 2012
3:42 pm
Damn agreeing with Ex on something (LOL)
Willie Dynamite
September 28th, 2012
3:42 pm
What did he do? He ended a relationship that was not working obviously not working. Had chick left dude y’all would have Pom poms. Most dudes know it’s more to the story. If he was no good and being sponsored for 9 yrs he wouldn’t just up and leave. IJS
Celisea®
September 28th, 2012
3:43 pm
Mmeello – but who is crying loud and telling folks…
You’re kidding me right?? So she should chaulk it up (I mean she’s gonna have to) with no feelings about it and just be cool with it? He’s laid up on here (cause she allowed), went to school, got his education and is ready for the world by biting the hand that fed him? And you know the “assumption” was they would be together. Tell me he didn’t make her feel all warm and tingling and coupled and in love while he was reaping the benefits?? Now, if hedda told her 2 years in, Imma bounce once I’m on my feet, then we could say nothing. But he lived it and went along with it and was okay with it. I call that misleading.
Exiled!
September 28th, 2012
3:44 pm
Enter your comments here
kimmie
September 28th, 2012
3:45 pm
Cel – Hate to say it, but I find myself agreeing with Exiled above post. He is actually saying what I was trying to say the other day when the topic was shacking. For me it was not really a moral thing, but what kind of spot I would find myself in down the line. Wanting some dude to marry me & hoping shacking would get us closer to it. For a lot of folks it works, but with my luck I’d be just like the lady we are discussing(not 9 years later though).
Celisea®
September 28th, 2012
3:46 pm
WillieD – I can’t agree. Yes, there may be more going on but even if she was all giddy and he wasn’t, he could see her believing a lie. I say there were probably signs but apparently not loud enough. Maybe she thought those were rough patches. People do have them you know. IJS
Exiled!
September 28th, 2012
3:48 pm
Cel…if u know u holla loudly and get too severe a pain when u get a bump,why put urself in a situation where u gon get a bump?
Celisea®
September 28th, 2012
3:48 pm
I’m not disagreeing on the shaking part but ole boy knew he was gonna bounce. Ole boy knew she was in lala land. Tell me he didn’t see it on a day to day basis. Again, I’m sure she saw signs but I can just bet you, again…those were rough patches, to her. That’s why folks need to communicate and be crystal clear. I’m not going to guess and wonder and hope I’m on the mark. I’m going to ask. If I ask and it’s not clear, I’m out…period. I’m not saying she’s not equally responsible. But if you not you ain’t happy then, don’t accept the loving, the money, the goods, the food, the shelter…none of it
kimmie
September 28th, 2012
3:49 pm
Cel – Men stick together and they can be cold about ish. The sooner we recognize and start protecting our hearts the better!
Celisea®
September 28th, 2012
3:49 pm
MMeello – I’m really not speaking to the shaking part of it so much…like I was saying, laying up is laying up. Whether it’s your spot, my spot or our spot. I’m sayng staying in a relationship and reaping the material and physical benefits under the guise that we’re building a life together and moving on. No explanation, no regard, no feelings about it. Just ghost.
Celisea®
September 28th, 2012
3:51 pm
Kimmie – Your 3:49….sho nuff. Til the end of time.
Celisea®
September 28th, 2012
3:52 pm
I’m one for asking. I will, point blank and sometimes probably getting on your nerves. But it won’t EVER be said I didn’t ask or seek answers. Don’t get me wrong, I ain’t begging. If I ask and I get the runaround, I’m out of there.
Exiled!
September 28th, 2012
3:54 pm
Cel…u really being passionate with ur defense of this woman
I’m laughing
Here is an example from someone that I love dearly ….
U!!!
Not many women are strong enough like yourself… to walk away from a shack situation , the way u did,based on ur tedtimony here..when the shavking ain’t giving them what they want!
Did I put a dagger to end this discussion?!
U (woman) shack u get compromised….A lot!
kimmie
September 28th, 2012
3:54 pm
Cel – I’m with you all the way. What you are describing, what dude should have done, is what one does when they have CHARACTER. Dude is severely lacking in that. Even if he was not in love with her, what did she do to deserve to be treated that way? Hopefully we will find out Monday.
Willie Dynamite
September 28th, 2012
3:55 pm
Cel/kimmie- true men do stick together BUT we see buddy a bum. We just not jumping on the victim bandwagon. Can’t protect ya heart from self inflicted wounds.
Celisea®
September 28th, 2012
3:59 pm
MMeello – I’m with you all the way on the shaking thing but like I said, that’s not the weight of this issue. Like Kimmie said, to be so heartless about it. I’m sure over time he’d built up such a “resistence” will to just easily walk. Now, maybe she’s cheated somewhere and that snuffed his flame, maybe she was trifling and didn’t cook/clean, I dunno but to allow a woman to carry you and that’s it, is heartless. He could have had a bit more conviction…again, according to her side of things.
Yep, Kimmie, hopefully we’ll find out Monday the other side of this.
WillieD – Okay…we’ll see Monday
kimmie
September 28th, 2012
4:03 pm
Willie – I understand. Most men are not going to be on that bandwagon – that’s a lady thing. Plus I’ve been reading you, and most blog dudes, long enough to know you wouldn’t pull the stunt dude did. You aren’t condoning it at all, but you want folks to take ownership for their part in it all.
Single and Happier "Life Happens!" (Isn't it amazing when someone you've never meet knows you better than you know yourself)
September 28th, 2012
4:06 pm
Kimmie have you ever been in and known someone to say it happen all at once, but when you dig deeper into the story, it’s been happening long before that this was just the final time.
Celisea®
September 28th, 2012
4:07 pm
Kimmie – To piggyback your 4:03, I don’t think they’d stick around for 9 years either.
Celisea®
September 28th, 2012
4:09 pm
And if you can recognize it’s been all along then you know to walk before you reap the physical and financial benefits.
kimmie
September 28th, 2012
4:09 pm
Single – I sure have. That’s why I recognized that possibility up front when we started the discussion on this. I believe there are always signs. Sometimes the signs are subtle, sometimes glaring. It’s up to us to keep our eyes and minds open. Not paranoid, but awake and aware. I call it God looking out for me, others may have their own definition. But the signs are always there.
Single and Happier "Life Happens!" (Isn't it amazing when someone you've never meet knows you better than you know yourself)
September 28th, 2012
4:12 pm
There is always that if I hang in here long enough it will get better syndrome.
Celisea®
September 28th, 2012
4:12 pm
So things are falling apart but you have no income and no place to stay. Do you stay “babe, we need to talk. this is not working out” Wonder how that’s gonna fly…lololol Yeah, you do the “smart” thing and put a plan in place (albeit 9 years long) and presto. When you get your spot, new babe and a job…yous outta there…lolololol
Celisea®
September 28th, 2012
4:13 pm
Single – Oh, I didn’t know dudes felt that way. Cool then.
kimmie
September 28th, 2012
4:14 pm
Single – Just like our topic today, Wise’s example with her beau & the clothes. Folks are on here talking about her being too sensitive. Say she chalked it up as being no big deal and didn’t make it a topic today. Then down the line, dude starts tripping and controling her and acting a fool. She tells us about it after they break up a few years later. Then we’d be telling her she should have recognized the signs then, when dude was trying to tell her what to wear!LOL!!!
Single and Happier "Life Happens!" (Isn't it amazing when someone you've never meet knows you better than you know yourself)
September 28th, 2012
4:15 pm
C it depends on who’s the one in lala land and who’s the one just there till I can do better.
Celisea®
September 28th, 2012
4:16 pm
Then down the line, dude starts tripping and controling her and acting a fool. She tells us about it after they break up a few years later. Then we’d be telling her she should have recognized the signs then, when dude was trying to tell her what to wear!LOL!!!
I ain’t gonna lie, she’s gonna get ragged on if this is how it’s turns out. Yep, that’s what’s gonna happen
Exiled!
September 28th, 2012
4:16 pm
Ok Cel…lemme ask u this:
What wld have been the most human way for him to communicate he wanted to leave?
Don’t tell me maybe she wld persuaded him..this that or the other..
Just a ‘good’ (to her) way to say I’m gone…
How?
Women like closure,even in dating .chics want us to say the why’s and if etc
Men just wanna march on!
Single and Happier "Life Happens!" (Isn't it amazing when someone you've never meet knows you better than you know yourself)
September 28th, 2012
4:17 pm
Thumbs up on that one Kimmie.
Celisea®
September 28th, 2012
4:17 pm
Single – So I’m assuming the one in lala land is hanging in there, keeping hope alive?? Cause the one that’s around til they get better is just an apartment and job away from breaking. I guess we’re back to where we intially started in then huh?
Single and Happier "Life Happens!" (Isn't it amazing when someone you've never meet knows you better than you know yourself)
September 28th, 2012
4:19 pm
Kimmie, you know sometimes this is how abusers start out, with the little things and progress from there, they don’t usually come in with it all
Celisea®
September 28th, 2012
4:19 pm
Mmeello – First off, broke or not, hungry or not, raiment and shelter or not…if he’s not happy then say it. Sit down like an adult and just say hey, this is not working out for me. I’ll see if one of my boys can put me up until I get my own spot. Not wait nine years and a comeuppance later to break the news. And if it’s been a really long time, show some heart. Not “it is what it is”
Single and Happier "Life Happens!" (Isn't it amazing when someone you've never meet knows you better than you know yourself)
September 28th, 2012
4:20 pm
C yeap.
Ex there is no good way to break it off
For Real
September 28th, 2012
4:21 pm
5 yrs ago.
Dude: Looka here Derreyal I can’t do this no more. I have tried to understand and compromise with you but you are being unreasonable. I can’t handle this and med school! I’m moving out!
Derreyal: But Odell I love youuuuuuuuuuu!!!! And my parents will pay for med school if you stay.
Odell: See that’s what I’m talking about… Huh? Well baby that would ease the burden on us and give us some time bond.
Derreyal: Ohhh Odell!!!
kimmie
September 28th, 2012
4:22 pm
Why did we start this great discussion at the end of the day? Dang! Anyway gang, I’m out.
Have a safe and wonderful weekend!!
Celisea®
September 28th, 2012
4:22 pm
It’s not the breaking up that’s so awful because I wouldn’t suggest anybody stayed in any relationship where they’re aren’t happy. I’m big on leaving if it’s not right. There’s just a way to get it said and done. Yes, there will be hard feelings no matter what from one of the two….more than likely. But for this scenario and the one side we only know…IJS Monday maybe I can shift my outlook and opinion
Single and Happier "Life Happens!" (Isn't it amazing when someone you've never meet knows you better than you know yourself)
September 28th, 2012
4:22 pm
C I don’t know the show, but hopefully he wasn’t unhappy for 9 years, maybe a year or 2.
Celisea®
September 28th, 2012
4:24 pm
Single – I’m sure he wasn’t. Just the last one or two years where he found a job, got his own spot and a new girl
Single and Happier "Life Happens!" (Isn't it amazing when someone you've never meet knows you better than you know yourself)
September 28th, 2012
4:26 pm
If you’re going to shack with the plans on getting married ,
sign a month to month lease
After 30 days if you still want to do it, take a day off work go down town and do the darn thing.
If you want to save up and have a wedding, take a day off go down town and do the darn thing and have a wedding on one of your anniversaries!!
Single and Happier "Life Happens!" (Isn't it amazing when someone you've never meet knows you better than you know yourself)
September 28th, 2012
4:27 pm
Oh and after 30 days if you don’t want to do it, give your 30day notice and move on!!
Exiled!
September 28th, 2012
4:27 pm
Show some heart? Cel?
Aren’t u the chic that stayed in the apartment in bed when ur ex was yelling loudly ‘Celisea’!!!! and u wldnt open the door?
I know wrong context but I kinda liked it.
See when one party to the relationship have checked out..no heart anymore!
Single and Happier "Life Happens!" (Isn't it amazing when someone you've never meet knows you better than you know yourself)
September 28th, 2012
4:28 pm
C he is a bum, but she knew.
For Real
September 28th, 2012
4:33 pm
2yrs later…..
Odell: Derreyal that’s it I’m out. Screw your dad’s money. I took out a loan to pay him back. I’m DONE!!!
Derreyal: Okay sweetie I understand but I don’t want to argue in front Anahi.
Odell: Whoa! Who is.. Hey Anna hi?
Anahi: Anahi I’m from Brazil and Derreyal offered me to stay here.
Derreyal: I hope you dont’ mind and please don’t leave sweetie. I love you!!
Odell: Cottontail I’m sorry. I guess I’m just over loaded with school and all. Of course I’m staying baby. Come on group hug!
Toad Bucket
September 28th, 2012
4:35 pm
Nobody tells a Diva how to dress!
Nobody!
Dump this fool and find a man with some sense!
Toad Bucket
September 28th, 2012
4:35 pm
Nobody tells a Diva how to dress!
Nobody!
Dump this fool and find a man with some sense!
Single and Happier "Life Happens!"
September 28th, 2012
4:35 pm
for real where you going with this (rotflmao)
Celisea®
September 28th, 2012
4:35 pm
Single – If I’m shaking, it’s gonna be under the guise of “love”, when I’m delusional or not is another discussion. Even so, I’m not signing a lease with a lover/husband to be
Mmeello – He was whispering “Celisea open the door”….lol And yes, I’ve been there…I said it the other day, I was gone, done but we parted ways. I didn’t live on him and he didn’t live on me. We separated.
Exiled!
September 28th, 2012
4:36 pm
Guys,anybody here ever worked with Indian chics?
I have ,as WD would say,a wolf question
Are they just nice ladies or what?
Celisea®
September 28th, 2012
4:36 pm
And yes, he was a bum
For Real
September 28th, 2012
4:38 pm
Yesterday…..
Odell: Um.. well… yeah I’m out.
Derreyal: I don’t understand whyyyyyyyyyyyyyy?
Odell: It is, what it is and I’m taking the Brazilian.
Single and Happier "Life Happens!"
September 28th, 2012
4:38 pm
C you confusing the heck out of me with shaking instead of shacking (rotflmao)
The lease thing is for both parties, and the 30 day thing is for both parties. if you don’t know whether or not you can live together by then you will never never no it uhhh uhhh uhhhh (lol)
Celisea®
September 28th, 2012
4:40 pm
Single – You know I meant shacking….
I was saying if I’m shacking under the guise of “love” whether I’m delusional or not
Sorry, somebody called me to help them help a client….booo you knew what I meant
Single and Happier "Life Happens!"
September 28th, 2012
4:41 pm
Yea it took me a minute, but I knew what you meant (LOL)
Exiled!
September 28th, 2012
4:41 pm
Cel..and u know some chics have let dude out when it’s winter or raining or both…
bum dudes with no abodes of their own…
As we speak right now,Cel,there is a chic with a baby daddy in jail and dude will come shack with her when outta prison and he does his business during the day when she at work…from her apartment
Celisea®
September 28th, 2012
4:44 pm
Single – I see you cleaned you moniker…hahahahaha
Signing leases while you’re heavy in love (cause I’m assuming that’s where we’re at if we’re talking the first 30 days), just takes away from the passion….again call me delusional. Now if it’s running 2 or 3 months, then yeah, we might need to talk about living arrangements. But that’s for folks shacking. That wouldn’t include me.
Mmeello – I can’t speak to your 4:41….at all…sorry boo
Celisea®
September 28th, 2012
4:52 pm
For Real – Boy stop with the little skit. Every man’s dream I’m sure…lololol
Single and Happier "Life Happens!"
September 28th, 2012
4:56 pm
C yes I did.
You know how folks always saying you don’t know a person on until you live with them. even if the lease is on only my name, after 30 days, you know! turn in your notice to the land lord and your lady and move on.
Celisea®
September 28th, 2012
4:59 pm
I do agree with that statement…you don’t know a person until you’ve lived with them. But IJS…I can’t see signing a lease before we’re 30 days in…as a “couple.” Roomies, kinfolks, yes But like I said, I will NEVER shack again. Ever!
Single and Happier "Life Happens!"
September 28th, 2012
5:01 pm
C that’s why I said month to month so you can leave at any time without being stuck in a 6 month or 1year lease.
Celisea®
September 28th, 2012
5:04 pm
Single – I hear you and I guess to some extent I can agree from the business aspect of it and keeping things straight in the event things don’t work out. I guess folks go in believing in happily ever after….hence getting throat punched after 9 years.
Kat
September 28th, 2012
5:04 pm
I suppose everything in life could be cut and dry, but most of life (especially relationships) are about compromise. Someone said she should wear what I want in private, then I’ll wear what she wants in public. This diva did not say how involved the dress code change was – throw a cardigan on, don’t wear something that shows your muffin top, you have cankles, whatever…
But if she can’t compromise, then she can’t, and she should be out of there before he beats her to the door.
Single and Happier "Life Happens!"
September 28th, 2012
5:04 pm
time to roll, until Monday
Single and Happier "Life Happens!"
September 28th, 2012
5:06 pm
C it’s not a business thing, it’s I love you, you love me we’re going to get married, we decide to shack, after thirty days, lets do the darn thing!! wedding or know wedding, something needs to start happening! not 1 year, or 9 years later!
Single and Happier "Life Happens!"
September 28th, 2012
5:08 pm
Kat the first article of clothing i’ve always bought is lingerie
then we go from there.
Celisea®
September 28th, 2012
5:13 pm
Single – Eh, I’m not quite seeing it that way. If it’s an I love you and you love me thing, we’re blissful for 30 days until we get downtown to do the darn thing. We’re just shacking. I just can’t see a dude asking me to sign a 30 day lease while we’re blissful. Not saying I wouldn’t (well it ain’t happening cause I ain’t shaking), but IJS. If it turns to 30, 60, 90 days and a lease comes into play, it’s business with a twist of “she’s my woman” as an added.
Celisea®
September 28th, 2012
5:17 pm
Single – I won!! NO SIGNED LEASES…lolol
Night folks
ODBAlpha
September 28th, 2012
6:06 pm
From a man’s point of view, when a guy makes suggestions about what his girl wears, it isn’t a sign that he wants to control her. It’s usually a sign that she doesn’t dress as well as she thinks. Or that she’s dressed inappropriately for the situation. Just my opinion.
Kat
September 29th, 2012
9:44 am
I agree with you ODBAlpha. A man provides his opinion, which again, is way off from what the Diva was thinking, which was probably – you won’t be changing me!
He’s probably thinking – and you don’t take suggestions well.
It’s a race to the door and both people are (once again) alone and trying to figure out why.
Heaven forbid that a REAL decision has to be made. If someone is kicked to the curb so quickly, it’s probably better for him.
Dating: I can dress myself! | Misadventures in Atlanta | Online Dating Sites
September 29th, 2012
12:08 pm
[...] reading here: Dating: I can dress myself! | Misadventures in Atlanta This entry was posted in Uncategorized and tagged beaches, business, deals, gardening, health, [...]