Dating: I can dress myself!
My beau has this thing about giving me fashion/style suggestions. The first time he did this, we were getting ready to go to one of his co-workers parties. I got the sense that he wanted to make sure I was “on point” and represented him well.
I am not going to lie, this did not go over well with me. I’ve been dressing myself for years and no man has ever given his opinion about what I wore, how I wore, or why. Yet, here I was having an actual discussion about my dress and shoe selection with the guy I am dating. How did I get here!? I mean, the fact that we are dating shows he already liked my style, doesn’t it? I was actually offended.
After I had a talk with beau and determined he wasn’t trying to be a controlling jerk, we got to a mutual understanding: I won’t throw my fabulous shoe at his head for making fashion suggestions. He won’t try to treat me like some trophy girl that he dresses to his personal liking. It’s all about compromise, people!
My friend was teasing me that we were Kanye and Kim Kardashian. Apparently, Kanye wanted to give Kim a makeover and was making fashion choices for her. That’s just great, now some men will think this is perfectly acceptable behavior.
Would it bother you if the person you were dating had strong opinions about what you wore? Do we have a right to dress our dates like their our little ken and barbie dolls?
Is this supposed to be the new foreplay? Instead of men plotting to get us out of our clothes, they try to get us in clothes? Does that turn men on? Enlighten me, please.
By Wise Diva, Misadventures in Atlanta Dating Blog
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253 comments Add your comment
kimmie
September 28th, 2012
4:03 pm
Willie – I understand. Most men are not going to be on that bandwagon – that’s a lady thing. Plus I’ve been reading you, and most blog dudes, long enough to know you wouldn’t pull the stunt dude did. You aren’t condoning it at all, but you want folks to take ownership for their part in it all.
Single and Happier "Life Happens!" (Isn't it amazing when someone you've never meet knows you better than you know yourself)
September 28th, 2012
4:06 pm
Kimmie have you ever been in and known someone to say it happen all at once, but when you dig deeper into the story, it’s been happening long before that this was just the final time.
Celisea®
September 28th, 2012
4:07 pm
Kimmie – To piggyback your 4:03, I don’t think they’d stick around for 9 years either.
Celisea®
September 28th, 2012
4:09 pm
And if you can recognize it’s been all along then you know to walk before you reap the physical and financial benefits.
kimmie
September 28th, 2012
4:09 pm
Single – I sure have. That’s why I recognized that possibility up front when we started the discussion on this. I believe there are always signs. Sometimes the signs are subtle, sometimes glaring. It’s up to us to keep our eyes and minds open. Not paranoid, but awake and aware. I call it God looking out for me, others may have their own definition. But the signs are always there.
Single and Happier "Life Happens!" (Isn't it amazing when someone you've never meet knows you better than you know yourself)
September 28th, 2012
4:12 pm
There is always that if I hang in here long enough it will get better syndrome.
Celisea®
September 28th, 2012
4:12 pm
So things are falling apart but you have no income and no place to stay. Do you stay “babe, we need to talk. this is not working out” Wonder how that’s gonna fly…lololol Yeah, you do the “smart” thing and put a plan in place (albeit 9 years long) and presto. When you get your spot, new babe and a job…yous outta there…lolololol
Celisea®
September 28th, 2012
4:13 pm
Single – Oh, I didn’t know dudes felt that way. Cool then.
kimmie
September 28th, 2012
4:14 pm
Single – Just like our topic today, Wise’s example with her beau & the clothes. Folks are on here talking about her being too sensitive. Say she chalked it up as being no big deal and didn’t make it a topic today. Then down the line, dude starts tripping and controling her and acting a fool. She tells us about it after they break up a few years later. Then we’d be telling her she should have recognized the signs then, when dude was trying to tell her what to wear!LOL!!!
Single and Happier "Life Happens!" (Isn't it amazing when someone you've never meet knows you better than you know yourself)
September 28th, 2012
4:15 pm
C it depends on who’s the one in lala land and who’s the one just there till I can do better.
Celisea®
September 28th, 2012
4:16 pm
Then down the line, dude starts tripping and controling her and acting a fool. She tells us about it after they break up a few years later. Then we’d be telling her she should have recognized the signs then, when dude was trying to tell her what to wear!LOL!!!
I ain’t gonna lie, she’s gonna get ragged on if this is how it’s turns out. Yep, that’s what’s gonna happen
Exiled!
September 28th, 2012
4:16 pm
Ok Cel…lemme ask u this:
What wld have been the most human way for him to communicate he wanted to leave?
Don’t tell me maybe she wld persuaded him..this that or the other..
Just a ‘good’ (to her) way to say I’m gone…
How?
Women like closure,even in dating .chics want us to say the why’s and if etc
Men just wanna march on!
Single and Happier "Life Happens!" (Isn't it amazing when someone you've never meet knows you better than you know yourself)
September 28th, 2012
4:17 pm
Thumbs up on that one Kimmie.
Celisea®
September 28th, 2012
4:17 pm
Single – So I’m assuming the one in lala land is hanging in there, keeping hope alive?? Cause the one that’s around til they get better is just an apartment and job away from breaking. I guess we’re back to where we intially started in then huh?
Single and Happier "Life Happens!" (Isn't it amazing when someone you've never meet knows you better than you know yourself)
September 28th, 2012
4:19 pm
Kimmie, you know sometimes this is how abusers start out, with the little things and progress from there, they don’t usually come in with it all
Celisea®
September 28th, 2012
4:19 pm
Mmeello – First off, broke or not, hungry or not, raiment and shelter or not…if he’s not happy then say it. Sit down like an adult and just say hey, this is not working out for me. I’ll see if one of my boys can put me up until I get my own spot. Not wait nine years and a comeuppance later to break the news. And if it’s been a really long time, show some heart. Not “it is what it is”
Single and Happier "Life Happens!" (Isn't it amazing when someone you've never meet knows you better than you know yourself)
September 28th, 2012
4:20 pm
C yeap.
Ex there is no good way to break it off
For Real
September 28th, 2012
4:21 pm
5 yrs ago.
Dude: Looka here Derreyal I can’t do this no more. I have tried to understand and compromise with you but you are being unreasonable. I can’t handle this and med school! I’m moving out!
Derreyal: But Odell I love youuuuuuuuuuu!!!! And my parents will pay for med school if you stay.
Odell: See that’s what I’m talking about… Huh? Well baby that would ease the burden on us and give us some time bond.
Derreyal: Ohhh Odell!!!
kimmie
September 28th, 2012
4:22 pm
Why did we start this great discussion at the end of the day? Dang! Anyway gang, I’m out.
Have a safe and wonderful weekend!!
Celisea®
September 28th, 2012
4:22 pm
It’s not the breaking up that’s so awful because I wouldn’t suggest anybody stayed in any relationship where they’re aren’t happy. I’m big on leaving if it’s not right. There’s just a way to get it said and done. Yes, there will be hard feelings no matter what from one of the two….more than likely. But for this scenario and the one side we only know…IJS Monday maybe I can shift my outlook and opinion
Single and Happier "Life Happens!" (Isn't it amazing when someone you've never meet knows you better than you know yourself)
September 28th, 2012
4:22 pm
C I don’t know the show, but hopefully he wasn’t unhappy for 9 years, maybe a year or 2.
Celisea®
September 28th, 2012
4:24 pm
Single – I’m sure he wasn’t. Just the last one or two years where he found a job, got his own spot and a new girl
Single and Happier "Life Happens!" (Isn't it amazing when someone you've never meet knows you better than you know yourself)
September 28th, 2012
4:26 pm
If you’re going to shack with the plans on getting married ,
sign a month to month lease
After 30 days if you still want to do it, take a day off work go down town and do the darn thing.
If you want to save up and have a wedding, take a day off go down town and do the darn thing and have a wedding on one of your anniversaries!!
Single and Happier "Life Happens!" (Isn't it amazing when someone you've never meet knows you better than you know yourself)
September 28th, 2012
4:27 pm
Oh and after 30 days if you don’t want to do it, give your 30day notice and move on!!
Exiled!
September 28th, 2012
4:27 pm
Show some heart? Cel?
Aren’t u the chic that stayed in the apartment in bed when ur ex was yelling loudly ‘Celisea’!!!! and u wldnt open the door?
I know wrong context but I kinda liked it.
See when one party to the relationship have checked out..no heart anymore!
Single and Happier "Life Happens!" (Isn't it amazing when someone you've never meet knows you better than you know yourself)
September 28th, 2012
4:28 pm
C he is a bum, but she knew.
For Real
September 28th, 2012
4:33 pm
2yrs later…..
Odell: Derreyal that’s it I’m out. Screw your dad’s money. I took out a loan to pay him back. I’m DONE!!!
Derreyal: Okay sweetie I understand but I don’t want to argue in front Anahi.
Odell: Whoa! Who is.. Hey Anna hi?
Anahi: Anahi I’m from Brazil and Derreyal offered me to stay here.
Derreyal: I hope you dont’ mind and please don’t leave sweetie. I love you!!
Odell: Cottontail I’m sorry. I guess I’m just over loaded with school and all. Of course I’m staying baby. Come on group hug!
Toad Bucket
September 28th, 2012
4:35 pm
Nobody tells a Diva how to dress!
Nobody!
Dump this fool and find a man with some sense!
Toad Bucket
September 28th, 2012
4:35 pm
Nobody tells a Diva how to dress!
Nobody!
Dump this fool and find a man with some sense!
Single and Happier "Life Happens!"
September 28th, 2012
4:35 pm
for real where you going with this (rotflmao)
Celisea®
September 28th, 2012
4:35 pm
Single – If I’m shaking, it’s gonna be under the guise of “love”, when I’m delusional or not is another discussion. Even so, I’m not signing a lease with a lover/husband to be
Mmeello – He was whispering “Celisea open the door”….lol And yes, I’ve been there…I said it the other day, I was gone, done but we parted ways. I didn’t live on him and he didn’t live on me. We separated.
Exiled!
September 28th, 2012
4:36 pm
Guys,anybody here ever worked with Indian chics?
I have ,as WD would say,a wolf question
Are they just nice ladies or what?
Celisea®
September 28th, 2012
4:36 pm
And yes, he was a bum
For Real
September 28th, 2012
4:38 pm
Yesterday…..
Odell: Um.. well… yeah I’m out.
Derreyal: I don’t understand whyyyyyyyyyyyyyy?
Odell: It is, what it is and I’m taking the Brazilian.
Single and Happier "Life Happens!"
September 28th, 2012
4:38 pm
C you confusing the heck out of me with shaking instead of shacking (rotflmao)
The lease thing is for both parties, and the 30 day thing is for both parties. if you don’t know whether or not you can live together by then you will never never no it uhhh uhhh uhhhh (lol)
Celisea®
September 28th, 2012
4:40 pm
Single – You know I meant shacking….
I was saying if I’m shacking under the guise of “love” whether I’m delusional or not
Sorry, somebody called me to help them help a client….booo you knew what I meant
Single and Happier "Life Happens!"
September 28th, 2012
4:41 pm
Yea it took me a minute, but I knew what you meant (LOL)
Exiled!
September 28th, 2012
4:41 pm
Cel..and u know some chics have let dude out when it’s winter or raining or both…
bum dudes with no abodes of their own…
As we speak right now,Cel,there is a chic with a baby daddy in jail and dude will come shack with her when outta prison and he does his business during the day when she at work…from her apartment
Celisea®
September 28th, 2012
4:44 pm
Single – I see you cleaned you moniker…hahahahaha
Signing leases while you’re heavy in love (cause I’m assuming that’s where we’re at if we’re talking the first 30 days), just takes away from the passion….again call me delusional. Now if it’s running 2 or 3 months, then yeah, we might need to talk about living arrangements. But that’s for folks shacking. That wouldn’t include me.
Mmeello – I can’t speak to your 4:41….at all…sorry boo
Celisea®
September 28th, 2012
4:52 pm
For Real – Boy stop with the little skit. Every man’s dream I’m sure…lololol
Single and Happier "Life Happens!"
September 28th, 2012
4:56 pm
C yes I did.
You know how folks always saying you don’t know a person on until you live with them. even if the lease is on only my name, after 30 days, you know! turn in your notice to the land lord and your lady and move on.
Celisea®
September 28th, 2012
4:59 pm
I do agree with that statement…you don’t know a person until you’ve lived with them. But IJS…I can’t see signing a lease before we’re 30 days in…as a “couple.” Roomies, kinfolks, yes But like I said, I will NEVER shack again. Ever!
Single and Happier "Life Happens!"
September 28th, 2012
5:01 pm
C that’s why I said month to month so you can leave at any time without being stuck in a 6 month or 1year lease.
Celisea®
September 28th, 2012
5:04 pm
Single – I hear you and I guess to some extent I can agree from the business aspect of it and keeping things straight in the event things don’t work out. I guess folks go in believing in happily ever after….hence getting throat punched after 9 years.
Kat
September 28th, 2012
5:04 pm
I suppose everything in life could be cut and dry, but most of life (especially relationships) are about compromise. Someone said she should wear what I want in private, then I’ll wear what she wants in public. This diva did not say how involved the dress code change was – throw a cardigan on, don’t wear something that shows your muffin top, you have cankles, whatever…
But if she can’t compromise, then she can’t, and she should be out of there before he beats her to the door.
Single and Happier "Life Happens!"
September 28th, 2012
5:04 pm
time to roll, until Monday
Single and Happier "Life Happens!"
September 28th, 2012
5:06 pm
C it’s not a business thing, it’s I love you, you love me we’re going to get married, we decide to shack, after thirty days, lets do the darn thing!! wedding or know wedding, something needs to start happening! not 1 year, or 9 years later!
Single and Happier "Life Happens!"
September 28th, 2012
5:08 pm
Kat the first article of clothing i’ve always bought is lingerie
then we go from there.
Celisea®
September 28th, 2012
5:13 pm
Single – Eh, I’m not quite seeing it that way. If it’s an I love you and you love me thing, we’re blissful for 30 days until we get downtown to do the darn thing. We’re just shacking. I just can’t see a dude asking me to sign a 30 day lease while we’re blissful. Not saying I wouldn’t (well it ain’t happening cause I ain’t shaking), but IJS. If it turns to 30, 60, 90 days and a lease comes into play, it’s business with a twist of “she’s my woman” as an added.
Celisea®
September 28th, 2012
5:17 pm
Single – I won!! NO SIGNED LEASES…lolol
Night folks