Dating: Ready to meet the kids?
One of our readers has been seeing a woman for about 8 months and things are getting serious. The woman he is seeing has decided that she feels comfortable enough to introduce him to her children. He has none and is actually “not that great” with kids.
He wants help in figuring out if he is ready to meet the kids. How do you know when it is time to introduce your kids to your date? Should there be a serious and exclusive relationship before you bring your kids around the person you are dating?
What should you do if you aren’t “kid friendly” but you really want things to go well?
Do you think dating a single parent is harder when you don’t have kids too?
By Wise Diva, Misadventures in Atlanta Dating Blog
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403 comments Add your comment
czBrat ♀
September 25th, 2012
11:54 am
lmao @ single’s 11:47. that’s what i call a reality ✔
Single and Happier "Life Happens!" (these folks are lucky I love what I do)
September 25th, 2012
11:54 am
Kimmie when my kids were young I thought like that, but now they’re grown and gone, so how they feel about whomever I decide to marry is irrelevant
If substantial happens then it happens, (which it did for me) seriously thinking about getting married next year, but kids are a problem for us, she’s young and wants 1, i’m old and can’t have 1
Comon Cents
September 25th, 2012
11:54 am
S/H~ I feel the same way. If they choose not to go to college, I will have an even nicer retirement on them.
Comon Cents
September 25th, 2012
11:56 am
S/H~ Is it just that you can’t have one or don’t want to have one?
Single and Happier "Life Happens!" (these folks are lucky I love what I do)
September 25th, 2012
11:56 am
Comon, I’m talking about where are the parents supposed to turn, not the kids. If my mother needs something I don’t have a problem helping her, but on the other hand if my mother is helping a no good lazy sibling, then I can’t be a part of that.
Button
September 25th, 2012
11:57 am
The American culture is to be an independent adult living on your own. In other countries adult children live at home until they marry. In the event they never marry, they never ever leave home or forced to leave.
Single and Happier "Life Happens!" (these folks are lucky I love what I do)
September 25th, 2012
11:57 am
Comon it’s both, didn’t want anymore, so got fixed where I can’t have anymore. (I’m not scared of a little pain)
kimmie
September 25th, 2012
11:58 am
Single – Yeah, when they are grown & out the house, you can do what you want!LOL!
But work the kid thing out with your lady – that can be a dealbreaker, though I’m sure I don’t need to tell you that.
kimmie
September 25th, 2012
11:59 am
Thanks Button!
disco
September 25th, 2012
12:00 pm
S/H – I like how you handled that. too funny. my son joined the military right out of high school (against my wishes but it was his choice). he got out of the military within 6 months and decided to do the college thing (what I wanted in the first place). as we were driving home from the campus visit and apartment hunting I apparently told him that if college didn’t work out he could consider himself homeless. no calling me talking about “college isn’t for me”. I’d completely forgot about the conversation until he reminded me at his college graduation. lol.
CC – help them look for money. that’s funny.
Single and Happier "Life Happens!" (these folks are lucky I love what I do)
September 25th, 2012
12:00 pm
Button about the culture, In Jamaica you see the big 2 and 3 story houses, it’s because there’s 3 families living in that house. One of the bus drivers made a comment about a vacation community where single families live and how it was such a waste .
Single and Happier "Life Happens!" (these folks are lucky I love what I do)
September 25th, 2012
12:02 pm
Kimmie I tell her every time she brings it up that I love her, but if she wants kids, I will let her go so she can find her happiness.
czBrat ♀
September 25th, 2012
12:04 pm
In other countries adult children live at home until they marry. In the event they never marry, they never ever leave home or forced to leave.
button, i’m planning a trip home for my birthday in a couple months. let’s just say i’ll be able to catch up with my aunt, four of my cousins, their spouses and all their children in one stop. =/
they’re no kennedy’s, but they do have a compound.
Comon Cents
September 25th, 2012
12:08 pm
S/H~ She has none or she just wants to have one with you?
Comon Cents
September 25th, 2012
12:09 pm
disco~ That has always been my motto. I figure with all I am putting out for private school and extra-curriculars right now, once you are on your own, YOU ARE ON YOUR OWN!!! :lol;
Comon Cents
September 25th, 2012
12:10 pm
cz~ Where is home?
kimmie
September 25th, 2012
12:14 pm
Single – I’ve had friends cry on my shoulder about situations like that. I tell them how I’ve handled them – don’t get involved with dude from jump. Guys who did not want kids or a different religion from me were eliminated off the rip. When I got criticized for that, I told them no need in me looking crazy down the road after I’ve caught feelings. I dated a guy once that told me a year in he didn’t want anymore kids and was about to go get snipped. I thanked him for letting me know, wished he had let me know sooner, but I respected his decision and let him go. He kept trying to come back, saying he MIGHT change his mind, etc, but for me it was over.
She’ll have to decide for herself if it’s a dealbreaker. She has to be honest with herself if she decides to stay. She doesn’t want any resentment down the road.
Celisea
September 25th, 2012
12:16 pm
Religious beliefs are the weightest deal breakers for me. No faith, no happenings.
czBrat ♀
September 25th, 2012
12:19 pm
@ comon, panama.
how ironic is it that i’m happy to do anything for those trying to help themselves.
but you flat-out NEEDY. uh-uh. don’t come round me for nothin.
Celisea
September 25th, 2012
12:20 pm
I should say “differences” in religious belief. I dated a dude once that was a muslim and ummm, needless to say that was quick and short. Nuh uh, no can do…lol I mean muslim as in “Assalamu Alaikum”, the brotherhood. Not the muslims over in the eastern world.
Mrs. SexyCool
September 25th, 2012
12:21 pm
My husband was living with his parents when I met him. At first, I gave him the side eye, but he was cute so I decided to not let that be a dealbreaker in getting to know him.
As I got to know him better and he shared with me his reasons for continuing to live at home although he was well able to afford a place of his own, it made sense, not only from a financial standpoint, but there was also a need to be in place to care for aging parents.
That being said, I learned that to judge a person for living at home while not knowing the circumstances it shortsighted on my part.
However, an adult living at home because they are a deadbeat and taking advantage of their parents is a loser.
Celisea
September 25th, 2012
12:21 pm
He was fine though, with his hazel eyes
czBrat ♀
September 25th, 2012
12:23 pm
kimmie, on our first official date i told s/o i wasn’t looking to get serious, didn’t want to remarry, and certainly done with young’uns. but i didn’t have the good sense to say “no. thank you.” when he suggested i just “keep an open mind and see where this goes”.
now look at me.
kimmie
September 25th, 2012
12:23 pm
Celisea – I have a friend who SAYS her faith is very important, a Christian, but is dating her 2nd Muslim. That’s fine, cause I have another Christian friend that married a Muslim and they are happy. But this other friend frets cause his Muslim faith bothers her and she has no intention of converting. So she knew this going in, why if it’s that important to you? That’s why I always say, no looking crazy after you’ve caught feelings if you knew this going in!
Celisea
September 25th, 2012
12:26 pm
Kimmie – Exactly. I already knew, when out his Dracy (that was his name…and my nephew named after him…go figure), was coming at me with that crap, that I would not be moved from what I was rooted in. I may have sway (in doing wrong), over the years but I’ll never stop believing what was instilled in me. To have differences and arguments is “looking crazy” waiting to happen.
I agree. I have walked away from someone with religious differences. I don’t want to beat you over the head with mine, and I don’t want to beat over the head with yours.
disco
September 25th, 2012
12:27 pm
Mrs. SC – I think of the phrase “I don’t live with my momma, my momma lives with me”. a friend of mine recently married a guy approaching 40 and living at home. she was able to see past it. I likely wouldn’t have even tried. you helping your parents – acceptable. your parents helping you – not as acceptable.
re dating and faith. I’m very open minded in that area (or like to believe I am). I do agree with celisea in that a person needs to be of faith but I don’t necessarily need for them to share my same faith.
Celisea
September 25th, 2012
12:28 pm
“when hanging out” and “swayed”…is what I meant
kimmie
September 25th, 2012
12:29 pm
Brat – LOL!!! That’s so sweet though!!!
Hey Mrs SCool!! I’ve known a few guys, 2 come to mind, in that situation, at home. When I say they were well able to afford their own home, I’m not kidding. Everyone knew they were not deadbeats. In fact, when both met the women they eventually married, they bought absolutely beautiful homes. And their aging parents want for nothing.
Celisea
September 25th, 2012
12:30 pm
disco – I don’t want to be sick and dying and buddy move all crosses, bibles, etc. Imma need him to “help pray me over”, if it comes to that. And I’ll do the same for him….lol
I’m saying that sort of teasing but I think religious beliefs can cause huge fallouts, as well as money or the lack thereof or not agreeing on how it should be spent. That’s another thing, you need to have yours and I have mine…while we’re dating.
czBrat ♀
September 25th, 2012
12:31 pm
kimmie, celisea … thing 1’s s/o is a white, russian, jew. i sat her down and questioned how they planned to handle such fundamental differences. she informed me his family accepts jesus as the messiah, celebrate xmas & easter (not that these things aren’t pagan anyway), and never attend temple. so basically, not practicing their professed faith.
i said, well alrighty then, sounds like you’re not the one compromising your principles.
smdh.
Celisea
September 25th, 2012
12:32 pm
czBrat – That sounds like a win win…lol As long as we’re meshing along the same lines it’s allllll good
Mrs. SexyCool
September 25th, 2012
12:33 pm
I have heard that too, disco. But in his case, he very clearly lived with them. (lol) His father encouraged him to take advantage of the opportunity to max out his savings and retirement contributions. And he did.
Faith – I married someone who has strong faith, but is not a religious nut – we are similar in that regard.
kimmie
September 25th, 2012
12:34 pm
disco – I know me – I was never open when it came to faith. Can’t deal with an atheist at all, but won’t deal with anyone of a radically different faith either. Different denomonation – fine.
Celisea
September 25th, 2012
12:35 pm
Atheist or Agnostics…no can do Of course, to each his own though
i'm swiss
September 25th, 2012
12:36 pm
” I don’t want to be sick and dying and buddy move all crosses, bibles, etc.”
Cel — I’m with you there (well, from the opposite perspective, but I agree with your sentiment). I remember back when I had cancer and I was getting ready to get wheeled back to the O/R, my parents had their preacher there praying over me & I had to sit there and pretend I didn’t think it was bullsh!t. All the while thinking, who is this supposed to be helping? Me or them?
disco
September 25th, 2012
12:40 pm
Mrs. SC – the ex who takes care of his adult daughter (uggh. just thinking about that trick irks me). anyway, he’s always going on and on about how good she is with her money. I’m like “HOW DO YOU KNOW???” she had her own apartment in college but daddy paid the rent/bills. since graduating college she’s been back home with daddy. daddy has paid for all of her cars. her only financial responsibility is her cell phone, personal credit cards and student loans. he even pays for her car repairs, etc. now she might very well be sitting on a nice chunk of saved money but I question whether she’ll be able to handle her own finances if she ever has to live on her own.
Single and Happier "Life Happens!" (these folks are lucky I love what I do)
September 25th, 2012
12:42 pm
Comon she has no kids
Kimmie this was one of those fun things for both of us that turned into something else.
Celisea
September 25th, 2012
12:43 pm
I was watching the revised version of Brideshead Revisited (I think that’s the title), a really good movie. The daddy was teetering on being an atheist and the mom was a staunch stern believer. She reared the kids believing. Well things happen throughout the movie to shake their faith. At the end when the dad was dying, the kids were bedside trying to pray with him. He was swearing folks off and carrying on. Well, the SIL or BF (can’t remember) to the oldest daughter was coercing her to leave him alone. She dropped the “am I my brother’s keeper” scripture on him and went back to kneeling
Well, he’s getting closer to death and they (the kids), keep praying….AND HE BREAKS! He acknowledged God and went on to meet his maker.
Y’all know me, I was all teared up and stuff. Grreeeat movie!
Swiss – I don’t what to say to that
Mrs. SexyCool
September 25th, 2012
12:43 pm
If she is not stacking, she’s stupid and he is even more so.
disco
September 25th, 2012
12:48 pm
Mrs. SC – I tease him that already the 2 year old grandkids have him pegged as a sucker. lol.
i'm swiss
September 25th, 2012
12:49 pm
“….AND HE BREAKS! He acknowledged God and went on to meet his maker.”
Or, from the other perspective, he finally appeased his incessant family so they would shut the hell up already & he could die in peace.
All about perspective… 
Celisea
September 25th, 2012
12:50 pm
Swiss – Only God knows
Single and Happier "Life Happens!" (these folks are lucky I love what I do)
September 25th, 2012
12:51 pm
Swiss now that wasn’t nice, but I’m sort of the same way when someone dies and the family is saying keep me in your prayers, I’m thinking why, what’s wrong with you?
Single and Happier "Life Happens!" (these folks are lucky I love what I do)
September 25th, 2012
12:52 pm
ROTFLMAO at swiss cause I was thinking the same thing
czBrat ♀
September 25th, 2012
12:57 pm
celisea, i still recall being so touched when my daddy decided to attend a bible study with me and the munchkins when i was an active jehovah’s witness. he wanted to know “what these people were all about”.
afterward, he said it was too late for him to change religion (lifelong catholic), but he was very impressed and pleased to leave us in their hands. that meant the world to me.
still does.
Celisea
September 25th, 2012
12:59 pm
czbrat – The openmindedness and the willingness to “see” into what you believe is all a person can ask for.
Single and Happier "Life Happens!" (these folks are lucky I love what I do)
September 25th, 2012
1:02 pm
C, cz that is the big problem, most are just not open minded enough to see anything else.
Celisea
September 25th, 2012
1:03 pm
With the muslim dude, he was swearing off swine sammiches and stuff. Strike one. I like a pork chop sandwich. Then he started that mess about walking (literally) behind him. That brought the second and third strikes at once….buddy kick rocks. We were only 21. Were the heck you walking at 21? You don’t even know your dang self!!
Celisea
September 25th, 2012
1:05 pm
Single and Happy – Nope…not when it comes to someone wanting me to believe I just popped up from somewhere. Not when it comes to someone wanting me to believe my life, health and strength comes from the one and only sovereign….God Almighty. Nope, not when it comes to him determining my fate, holding my life in his hands, making ways out of no ways…nope. Can’t find that in a book
BTW, what happened to Dreams? He never posts anymore
Rich
September 25th, 2012
1:06 pm
I don’t date woman with kids, I don’t support pre-made families, I want my own. Besides I don’t think I could ever handle a baby’s Daddy hanging around, if I can’t be the “only” man in a womens life (besides having a son) bump that!!