Dating: Ready to meet the kids?
One of our readers has been seeing a woman for about 8 months and things are getting serious. The woman he is seeing has decided that she feels comfortable enough to introduce him to her children. He has none and is actually “not that great” with kids.
He wants help in figuring out if he is ready to meet the kids. How do you know when it is time to introduce your kids to your date? Should there be a serious and exclusive relationship before you bring your kids around the person you are dating?
What should you do if you aren’t “kid friendly” but you really want things to go well?
Do you think dating a single parent is harder when you don’t have kids too?
By Wise Diva, Misadventures in Atlanta Dating Blog
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403 comments Add your comment
Button
September 25th, 2012
10:24 am
Grown kids living at home is a no go for me.
Celisea
September 25th, 2012
10:26 am
CC – Gave up on it? What “it”
disco
September 25th, 2012
10:29 am
we are talking about grown kids living at home though for some of us, we are approaching the age of having to consider elderly parents moving in. anyone dead set against that idea?
Blackfoote: The Real Blackfoote
September 25th, 2012
10:31 am
I spoke hypothectically about grown children living at home, I agree with everyone that it is a blown opportunity. Guys, sometimes whole family’s live with their mom and in this economy it is more prevelant than talked about.
Comon Cents
September 25th, 2012
10:33 am
C~ Gave up on me not bringing up sports in the mornings.
Button
September 25th, 2012
10:34 am
my kids are in their early 20’s and living on their own except for one, she’s in a dorm. In the event for some unforseen reason my kid(s) have to move back home, I hope it’s just for a season and not an extended period of time. I won’t leave them out in the cold. Life happens and we don’t know how this thing is going to turn out, and I’ve always told mine I will be there when and if they need me no matter how old they get. I’ve given them the tools to be successful adults and so far so good. I’m proud!
Comon Cents
September 25th, 2012
10:34 am
disco~ Not aainst my parents moving in with me because they are the ones who took care of me and prepared me for life. It is my job and my honor to care for them in their golden years. Mooching azz kids is different.
Comon Cents
September 25th, 2012
10:36 am
BF~ Liek Chris McAllister? That is definitely a blown opportunity. Either that, or he’s just a dumb azz…
Blackfoote: The Real Blackfoote
September 25th, 2012
10:39 am
disco I was 17 when I left my mom and dad house and haven’t gone back except to visit them. If I’m married I would discuss it with the spouse but I certainly would angle for my parents to live with me. my oldest sister takes care of my grandmother who is 94 and we have never sent a family member to a nursing home and I wont be the first generation to start.
Bluzgirl
September 25th, 2012
10:39 am
I had to move back home temporarily when I was 24 or 25…I was in a bad apartment situation and couldn’t afford another deposit at a new place. I had only planned on 6 months, but ended up being a year and a half. I felt like a loser for having to move back home, but I put myself in that situation. I didn’t have the money because back then, I was wasting money on drugs (which my parents did not know about or they probably wouldn’t have let me move in).
disco
September 25th, 2012
10:39 am
BF/button – yep. things happen. yep. the economy is jacked. still, I think there is a big difference between a parent helping an adult child and a parent carrying an adult child. I’ve mentioned my most recent ex who has an adult daughter with a degree, a full time job and two children who lives at home rent free and daddy pays her car note. a friend called me the other day whining and crying about drama going on in her house with her adult son. as far as I’m concerned that’s not necessary. he’s grown, he can get to stepping. just me though.
CC – I think the bigger issue for some isn’t their own parents but their significant other’s parents. I know it sounds like it should be a non-issue but it apparently comes up a lot. also, I hear about a lot of bickering between siblings. you keep them, no you keep them. it happens.
Button
September 25th, 2012
10:42 am
I hope and pray that when I’m old I will still be able to take care of myself should my husband pass before I do, besides I have 4 kids so I’m good. My grandmother bless her heart lived alone after gramps died and did pretty much everything by herself until the day she took sick and died. She was 88 years old! She was a tough old broad
Button
September 25th, 2012
10:44 am
Right disco, there is a huge difference! and NO I will not take care of an adult child who is healthy and have the resources to take care of themselves. Absolutely not! Some parents are enablers.
Comon Cents
September 25th, 2012
10:49 am
disco~ Not a situation I would ever have to face as the hubs parents are already deceased. However, I would not have hesitated to take them in had they needed it. I LOVED his parents. My parents never want to put my brother in that situation so they have already made plans should they become unable to live on their own, should one parent pre-deceed the other, etc. Therefore, that decision would never be in my hands. I will make the same kinds of arrangements for my kids so that they will never have to worry about that.
Button
September 25th, 2012
10:50 am
@ disco I hear about a lot of bickering between siblings. you keep them, no you keep them. it happens. LOL yes that does happen.
Blackfoote: The Real Blackfoote
September 25th, 2012
10:50 am
Yep I beleive in tough love and grown children will get tough loved until they can’t stand it no longer.
kimmie
September 25th, 2012
10:57 am
Morning Gang!!!
Some parents are enablers
Are you kidding me? I would say at least 70 percent I meet are enablers. That’s why a lot of these overgrown toddler adults can’t do anything for themselves and can’t make it on their own! Companies don’t want to hire them, nobody wants to marry them. Parents have to set a good example and raise their kids for the world.
As for the topic – No responsible parent should want a revolving door situation. The home should always be respected and a place comfortable for everyone. Strangers in and out make for bad situations. I’m for introducing the kids as soon as you feel comfortable, so all of you can get a feel for each other. There are extremes – the chicks you read about in the news letting their weird man they’ve known for 2 weeks babysit their little girl. Then the other extreme – those who think their kids is heir to the british throne and won’t introduce anyone to the kid until 5 years down the line and they’ve gotten a FBI top level security clearance.
And hey, if you don’t like kids don’t date anyone with them. Period. Enough with this seeing someone just for “fun” stuff, you’re not in high school. Grow up.
Button
September 25th, 2012
11:03 am
Yep @Kimmie I think it’s called hoover mothers or something like that.
Celisea
September 25th, 2012
11:04 am
Kimmie Enough with this seeing someone just for “fun” stuff, you’re not in high school. Grow up.
Here here, Kimmie. I would call that using folks. Nothing attractive about that. Have you told the person they’re just for fun? If you haven’t then it’s using. If you have, then y’all have at it….lolololol
disco
September 25th, 2012
11:06 am
hey kimmie. I love that I can feel that you meant every single word of that post.
button – helicopter moms because they hover over their children. crazy if you ask me. I work with a self-proclaimed helicopter mom. she thinks it’s cute and she embraces the title. she’s the one who talks to her kids umpteen times a day. mind you the youngest child is 17 and mommy has to talk her through making lunch. crazy.
Blackfoote: The Real Blackfoote
September 25th, 2012
11:07 am
Hey Kimmie, @10:57 you tear the roof off this mutha sucka every time. I loves it.
disco
September 25th, 2012
11:08 am
celisea – I’ve never used the exact phrase just for fun but I have advised a person when he was just there until something better came along. lol.
kimmie
September 25th, 2012
11:08 am
Celisea – I’m not saying everyone has to get married, but it just seems like after a point it should get old!
Comon Cents
September 25th, 2012
11:10 am
Button~ Helicopter moms. Always hovering.
Button
September 25th, 2012
11:11 am
Yes that’s it @ Kimmie & Comon Cents.
czBrat ♀
September 25th, 2012
11:12 am
good day, good people!
how’s every lil thing in blogsville? topic: if dude’s been in it for eight months and thinks it’s serious, now or never on meeting the munchkins. he’ll probably surprise himself with how easy they are to get along with.
i mean, if he pegged the mama as a keeper, i can’t imagine her kids would be hellions.
kimmie
September 25th, 2012
11:13 am
Blackfoote – LOL!! Thanks!! Hey, I love kids, but their parents and the way some of them are about and with their kids is what irritates me. I’m finding out that more as I get older. Some parents absolutely ruin their kids. They really make me sick sometimes!
Celisea
September 25th, 2012
11:21 am
disco – Only you…lol On the advising folks on being a stand-in until something better came along.
Kimmie – I agree and it should get old. I don’t want some dude just funning to be funning. Heck, even if we don’t get married, at least let’s commit to one another.
czBrat ♀
September 25th, 2012
11:22 am
i must say, you ladies make me feel much better about my “exactly when are you getting the he!! out?” approach to mothering.
Button
September 25th, 2012
11:22 am
Kimmie I see that more with parents that was raised in a single parent household. Sometimes it’s learned behavior. They can’t let go out of fear of being alone. It’s sad. I have a friend who refuses to date anyone who was raised in a single parent household.
Comon Cents
September 25th, 2012
11:25 am
cz~ I always let mine know, I am saving college money. Not bail money. Not finance your lifestyle money. Not buy a new car money. So, if they have any plans on doing anything other than college, they won’t be surprised when I don’t give them a dime.
disco
September 25th, 2012
11:26 am
button – I don’t know if I’d put that on single parents since the ones that I know are overly anxious to be rid of their darned kids. your post did remind me of something I read about mothers in laws who clinged too much to their sons. one of the theories was that she was used to getting her emotional support from the son. sometimes because she was a single parent or even if she was married the bulk of her emotional support came from the children rather than the husband. I’d never thought of that. I just always knew that if I ever got married I wasn’t putting up with any mother in law mess. lol.
Single and Happier "Life Happens!" (these folks are lucky I love what I do)
September 25th, 2012
11:27 am
Disco @ your 10:14, you’re right, who are we to judge. Don’t judge me because your sins are different. And when I made that statement about the blessing, that’s a personal belief, not a judgement call.
Single and Happier "Life Happens!" (these folks are lucky I love what I do)
September 25th, 2012
11:30 am
Disco, on the elderly parents, that’ s job in itself, and we’re not all cut out to do that. My mother is 82 and still lives alone. Sometimes nursing home or assisted living is the best option.
Button
September 25th, 2012
11:32 am
disco I think it’s a parallel thought. Most single parents, atleast the ones I’m familar with are clinging to their kids for dear life. Can’t and won’t let go. Mothers make dates with son, it’s sad. They look to the son as the man in her life. I just can’t or live her life vicariously through her daughter.
czBrat ♀
September 25th, 2012
11:34 am
button, i have a sister in her 50s who will adamantly tell you she’s tired of raising kids and grandkids (which she’s been doing since she was 16), yet she is currently shopping for a house big enough to house herself, three of her four kids, and two of her four grandkids because “it’s easier and cheaper” than helping them all with their individual housing expenses.
she still has the nerve to approach her exes for “help” with the “kids”. they generally turn a deaf ear … AMEN!
how bout you let their grown asses learn to sink or swin? like our parents did!
kimmie
September 25th, 2012
11:38 am
These clingy parents, whether single or married, are parents that don’t know their role as parent. They are the very ones that try to be “friends” with their kids instead of raising them. And mama’s boys are the absolute worst. I’ve seen just as many mama’s boys come from single parent homes as married homes. I’ve seen rotten-to-the-core kids come from all walks of life.
Single and Happier "Life Happens!" (these folks are lucky I love what I do)
September 25th, 2012
11:38 am
Kimmie, Celisea, if you get to know a person before taking that next step to a relationship, you know who’s in it just for fun, and who’s in it because they are looking for a husband. I’ve turned away a lot because they’re looking for more than I was willing to give, and I’ve never had to ask them.
Button
September 25th, 2012
11:38 am
CzBrat, this seems to be the generation where we carry our kids. I just can’t do it. I’ll singing tunes whistling while I am child free in a couple of years. My oldest tries to test me every now and then to see if I would go along with her program but I snap her back into reality with the quickness, She keeps throwing hints about her friends how’s moved back home after college or still living at home at 23!! She love to tease me, she knows how to push my buttons.
Button
September 25th, 2012
11:39 am
I think it’s called the microwave generation, everything is quick and covered and prepared. not healthy at all.
Button
September 25th, 2012
11:41 am
Right @ Kimmie, you can’t be friends and a parent, pick one and play the role. I am quick to tell my kids I. AM. NOT. YOUR. FRIEND. DON’T. GET. IT. TWISTED.
Single and Happier "Life Happens!" (these folks are lucky I love what I do)
September 25th, 2012
11:43 am
A question I used to ask an ex who was always turning to her parents for help. Where are they supposed to turn if they ever need some help?
czBrat ♀
September 25th, 2012
11:44 am
comon, i had to let mine know i was saving money for my retirement. college is entirely on them. i made it through on grants and scholarships; they can too.
i’m happy to provide food and shelter for a kid that’s working and going to school, until they get themselves off to a solid start. the goal is to leave and not have to come back.
thing 1 has been out of my home for almost three years and is doing wonderful.
thing 2 is setting off on his own next month. i expect he’ll have a rougher road cuz he’s not one to listen and learn, but i’ll continue to pray for him.
still changing my locks, though. but i’ll pray for him.
Button
September 25th, 2012
11:46 am
LOL @ thing 2
Single and Happier "Life Happens!" (these folks are lucky I love what I do)
September 25th, 2012
11:47 am
Button, that sounds like my son. Was upset and was thinking about getting out of the military, I asked him where was he going to stay, because him, his wife, and 3 children at the time couldn’t come live with me, and he knows they can’t go stay with his mother, that ended that conversation, now he’s a career military man (LOL)
kimmie
September 25th, 2012
11:48 am
Single – Absolutely, take time to get to know someone. Everyone you are not going to want to be in a relationship with. Maybe I’m thinking old-fashioned, but I think once you get a little older and especially become a parent, you ought to be looking for a more substantial connection with someone. Not just a hang-out fun buddy, one-night stand situation. At least a deep friendship, someone you respect enough to bring around the child even if you don’t decide to marry.
Button
September 25th, 2012
11:50 am
Good for you Single and Happier, they will test you to see what you got, some will win their parents over though, I have co workers who’s always complaining about their grown kids and how they don’t do anything to help out at home, not even take out the trash let alone pay bills. Not I says the cat.
Single and Happier "Life Happens!" (these folks are lucky I love what I do)
September 25th, 2012
11:50 am
Czbrat, comon, I had money saved for my son, but unfortunately he didn’t want to take my advice when in high school and after failing decided he wanted to quit, he was 19, and out of my house by that weekend
Comon Cents
September 25th, 2012
11:53 am
S/H~ Where are they supposed to turn if they need some help? Depends on what kind of help. If you need advice, look to me. If you need encouragement, look to me. If you need some money… I’ll help you look.
Cz~ I have saved for retirement, but I have had a 529 for my kids since my son was born. My parents helped me through school for undergrad but grad school was on me. So, I guess I believe in helping tem get through the first step. That is not to say I didn’t work going through undergrad. I did. My parents covered tuition and books (I lived at home until junior year). I am willing to give my kids that same luxury.
Button
September 25th, 2012
11:53 am
You are bringing it Kimmie. I like your way of thinking, very mature.