Is living together a good idea?
Yet another of my male friends decided to take the big plunge: asking their girlfriend to move in. I guess this is their way of determining if they can handle a full time, 24/7 relationship? I have yet to see any of my male friends make their live-in girlfriend a wife, but I don’t know if that is even a goal.
I have never lived with a boyfriend. I can barely handle sharing space for a weekend trip! I am sure adjusting to living with a girlfriend/boyfriend is vastly different when you are married. Maybe living together is a good idea for people who are unsure about the idea of marriage and cohabitation?
What happens in a “shacking up” relationship that can’t/won’t happen in a marriage? Why is the idea of living with someone so much easier than marrying them?
Have you ever lived with someone you dated? Do you have any advice for a coupe considering the idea?
Ladies, if you were in a serious relationship, would you be disappointed or elated about being asked to move in?
Happy Monday!
By Wise Diva, Misadventures in Atlanta Dating Blog
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194 comments Add your comment
Lady~sharpness is > than smartness
September 24th, 2012
11:38 am
hmmm the one I lived with I married him and again it didn’t sustain…………….C it is no huge difference……one is really playing house with out the paperwork per se………we can justify however but if you ain’t married off the rip you have shacked lol~ so to speak bc the weekend in and out and weekdays sleepover ongoing long-term is somewhat the same thing lol it is what it is
kimmie
September 24th, 2012
11:40 am
I agree with Disco on the ability to go home. It’s just like taking care of someone elses kid – you can give them back to their parents. When you’re “all in” , ain’t no “going home” or “giving them back”. It’s more mental than anything, but very significant, at least to me.
A lot of times, “going home” was inconvenient and sad because I hated leaving my boo! But that’s a benefit of marriage I didnt yet have!
Celisea
September 24th, 2012
11:40 am
disco – Morally, it’s all the same…lololol
Jake – I get it. I’m just cutting up.
Celisea
September 24th, 2012
11:41 am
but if you ain’t married off the rip you have shacked lol~ so to speak bc the weekend in and out and weekdays sleepover ongoing long-term is somewhat the same thing lol it is what it is
Lady, precisely….you get it.
Robert
September 24th, 2012
11:43 am
Robert’s Rules of Dating – Is living together a good idea?
(Shacking) – Top 10
1. Advice from grandma – Why buy the cow if the milk is free. Thank you grandma.
2. Never settle for less than you are worth (self esteem).
3. Never pay someone else’s way. Do not be a “sucker”.
4. Why have kids out of wedlock. Too many baby daddies.
5. Make the man responsible for his actions. Marriage should be the short-term goal.
6. Stand on your morale values. No sex until after marriage.
7. Make sure you see his/her credit report before you make any committments.
8. What about his/her family. Are they supportive or “ghetto”.
9. What about his/her friends. Are they supportive or “ghetto”.
10 What about Church and other activities. Is he/she “saved” Christians and serve in their community.
disco
September 24th, 2012
11:44 am
O/T – after wearing wedges for ever ever my little spike heel feels good today. I’ve got to do this more often.
celisea/lady – I got it but I figured we needed to be specific. let’s face it, the crime (so to speak) isn’t in the shacking so much as in the fornicating.
disco
September 24th, 2012
11:46 am
robert – you know I have to step in. what? folks can’t be supportive AND ghetto? lol.
Lady~sharpness is > than smartness
September 24th, 2012
11:48 am
C~
Celisea
September 24th, 2012
11:53 am
Lady –
Grown folks should be able to do as they please. If there are bad decisions, that’s the thing about being grown, you can roll with it or roll on out. You ain’t gotta cry or fret…lololol It’s your life
kimmie
September 24th, 2012
11:54 am
I admire the practicality in the way my mom raised me. She didn’t expect any of us to “wait until marriage”, she was very real with it. She did break down the “why buy the cow” thing to us though. And beyond college, she also suggested we not move out until we could afford to live on our own and not need a roommate.
With me it was not really a moral thing. It was about me having the type of relationship and life I wanted. Second prize just was never enough for me. I’ve seen too many such arrangements not turn out the way I knew at least one party wanted.
Lady~sharpness is > than smartness
September 24th, 2012
11:54 am
Disco adults do what they heck they wanna do so to speak daily~ I don’t justify my mess. I shacked and married and happily moved on to marry again one day~
Into the Light
September 24th, 2012
11:55 am
@Kimmie: HBTD!!! I was so proud of them on Saturday.
@CC: I understand…..and shoot, sending a text takes so long, I can see how you didn’t have time.
kimmie
September 24th, 2012
11:58 am
Light – I’ve been talking much trash to all non-Bulldogs within earshot! Everyone is sick of me at work!LOL!!!!
disco
September 24th, 2012
11:59 am
I know I’m not the only one that knows a faker. you know the chick that’s shacking but running around talking about her husband and in-laws all the time. lol.
Celisea
September 24th, 2012
12:00 pm
That’s the chick who was bred to believe you have arrived if you marry….lolololololol
Lady~sharpness is > than smartness
September 24th, 2012
12:03 pm
DEAD LMBAO! lawd that was funny C~
Robert
September 24th, 2012
12:03 pm
The term “ghetto” was created in the 1920’s-30’s . It was originally created to denigrate the Jews and other immigrants who landed in NY City looking for a better way of life but found themselfs living in pure hell (gangs, violence, injustice). The word “ghetto” is a state of mind some people just can not escape not an actual place where people live. Today we see this mindset all over the place regardless of the persons economic or social status. For example the homegrown terrorist group(s) known as the “tea party” use “ghetto” tactics to insight hatred, fear and rage/mob mentality against the elderly, minorities, gays & lesbians, Muslims & Jews, etc. – The American People.
kimmie
September 24th, 2012
12:04 pm
disco – I work with a faker. She’s been living with dude for over 20 years. He’s much older than she & is now very sickly, so she has to be out alot with him. Other folks have gotten into referring to him as her husband, but I can never bring myself to do it, so I just refer to him by his name or her “boo”.
disco
September 24th, 2012
12:04 pm
celisea – how come I felt that laugh right there. old girl needs to make it happen or quit pretending. I worked with a chick once back when I lived in DC. she was always talking about her husband worked at the pentagon. what she meant was her husband was in prison in Virginia.
robert – I get the history of the term. just don’t understand why a so-called ghetto individual can’t also be supportive.
Celisea
September 24th, 2012
12:05 pm
disco/Lady –
kimmie
September 24th, 2012
12:06 pm
what she meant was her husband was in prison in Virginia.
disco
September 24th, 2012
12:13 pm
kimmie – yep. she lived in southeast. hubs (if that’s his real title – lol) supposedly worked at the pentagon. thing is hubs had a “job” that prevented him from coming home at night and she had to go visit him at “the pentagon” fairly regularly.
Lady~sharpness is > than smartness
September 24th, 2012
12:19 pm
I am looking forward to my weekend getaway coming up then preparing for homecoming~ we are entertaining this year and I can’t wait to host!
#random
i'm swiss
September 24th, 2012
12:20 pm
Happy Monday, peeps.
Ah, what a glorious weekend! DAWGS & Falcons roll. NATS & Ain’ts lose.
Tip of the hat to Todd Gurley, SEC freshman of the week for the 2nd time in 4 weeks and currently the SEC’s leading rusher (despite having 25 fewer carries than the 2nd leading rusher).
kimmie
September 24th, 2012
12:21 pm
disco – It’s sad when folks feel they have to lie. I would just be a very private person. No one would know what my bf/hubs did if it was something I was ashamed of. I probably wouldn’t even tell anyone I had a bf/hubs, therefore no expectations of me bringing him to the cookout or party, etc!! LOL!!!
Lady~sharpness is > than smartness
September 24th, 2012
12:23 pm
Yup Swiss it was a fun filled football weekend~ it was soothing cleaning my home opening windows putting away summer stuff washing everything then cooking dinner and watching football~
Into the Light
September 24th, 2012
12:31 pm
@Swiss: GREAT football weekend.
@kimmie/Swiss: I can’t believe we got another night kickoff. We’ve got the 3:30 game this week against Rocky Flop, but kickoff for the Carolina game is 7:00 on ESPN. It’s been a LONG time since I remember this many night games so early in the season.
Into the Light
September 24th, 2012
12:32 pm
Okay, off to lunch….
i'm swiss
September 24th, 2012
12:33 pm
ITL — The Football gods are looking out for me. We’ve got a baby shower at 2pm on the 6th — and you know your boy was sweating the kickoff time for that crackalacy game. The stars are aligning.
SlimUno
September 24th, 2012
12:35 pm
Cel – Thanks chica….layover in Charlotte right now so just peeping in errry now and then
Bluzgirl
September 24th, 2012
12:39 pm
Good afternoon fellow bloggers! I just got to work 30 minutes ago…so glad I took half a day off today because I didn’t get home from the mountains until last last night.
How about them Dawgs?!?!?!?! Woot woot!!!
On topic: I will not make the mistake of shacking again unless there is a ring on my finger. I let my ex sneak his way in after only two months. We were in love and I didn’t want to be without him. Biggest mistake EVER!!!!
IF I ever live with a man again, there will be 100% commitment and we will be engaged and working on a future together.
Lady~sharpness is > than smartness
September 24th, 2012
12:44 pm
smh lol~
Single and Happier "Life Happens!" (these folks are lucky I love what I do)
September 24th, 2012
12:50 pm
checking back in, so if you shacking how long should the “engagement” last? Just how many kids do you have to have before you stop saying my “fiance’”
Comon Cents
September 24th, 2012
12:51 pm
I understand…..and shoot, sending a text takes so long, I can see how you didn’t have time.
It wasn’t the time. I was out of the door before I thought about it and your # was in my email. I told you my phone is being janky about accessing my email (which you just reminded me I need to go by the store and have them fix) But hopefully, I will be able to catch you at one of the home games. Besides, let’s be real, if you were supposed to be comig to Bobby Dodd and at the last minute someone offered you tickets between the hedges, would you be running back to the house to get my number out of your email and possibly be late to the game?
Comon Cents
September 24th, 2012
1:04 pm
S/H~ IDK, but I know a couple that lived together for 10 years and had 4 kids. Within a year of them actually tying the knot, they were talking divorce. I think that the whole break down took about 2 years total. So, maybe some people should just leave well enough alone and shack… IJS.
Sassy Me...live..laugh..love ;-)
September 24th, 2012
1:39 pm
marco?!
Single and Happier "Life Happens!" (these folks are lucky I love what I do)
September 24th, 2012
1:44 pm
Comon from my experience of the folks I’ve known that shacked for all those years, they somehow thing something is supposed to change after saying I DO! How can anything change when you’re already and old married couple! There is no newlyweds, or honeymoon, you are usually way past that. If you shack for more than 6mths you are way past that IMO.
Bluzgirl
September 24th, 2012
1:45 pm
Polo!
Lady~sharpness is > than smartness
September 24th, 2012
1:52 pm
60 minutes C~ what a day! I need some hot tea and my bed~
disco
September 24th, 2012
2:03 pm
dang y’all. what’s up???
Celisea
September 24th, 2012
2:05 pm
Lady – I’m so not mad at you. Hot tea and bed eh? Sounds cozy to me
I’m not leaving for a minute but I’m ready too.
2 hours, 55 minutes and counting…lol
Willie Dynamite
September 24th, 2012
2:08 pm
Afternoon All,
Shacking – Did it for a minute, got hitched, enjoying happily ever after.
i personally don’t have an opinion about YOU doing it one way or another. That is another personal decision thats mind in your home/heart and who am I to say whether its right or wrong. Do You and live with the result good or bad.
Lady~sharpness is > than smartness
September 24th, 2012
2:09 pm
lol predictable C~
Celisea
September 24th, 2012
2:13 pm
yep
Robert
September 24th, 2012
2:15 pm
@disco – “why a so-called ghetto individual can’t also be supportive.”
Point I was making about family and friends being “supportive” or “ghetto”. By “supportive” I mean;
1. Talk to someone who uses common sense and
2. Will tell you the pros and cons of “shacking” and about relationships.
3. Who can give you advice, or a place to sleep if you need it or
4. Be a real friend who only cares about you before you make the choice of “shacking” without discussing it with someone you trust.
Single and Happier "Life Happens!" (these folks are lucky I love what I do)
September 24th, 2012
2:15 pm
Hello C
Celisea
September 24th, 2012
2:15 pm
Hello Single and Happy
Single and Happier "Life Happens!" (these folks are lucky I love what I do)
September 24th, 2012
2:20 pm
stop watching that clock and enjoy the day
disco
September 24th, 2012
2:21 pm
robert – mmm. okay.
hey there single and happiER
Celisea
September 24th, 2012
2:22 pm
Lady – I’m a bit excited to travel. Like I said earlier it’s been a mimute. My manager is in Boston today but we’re suppose to connect and discuss the details. I don’t have to place the expense on my corporate card but on the team that I’m going to be working with…lol My manager pulled some strings to get that one done…lol I can tell my her email this morning she’s going to make it as quick as possible…lol Or that’s been the message to her. I have a couple of friend there so we’re gonna hang out a bit (I hope), time permitting.