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City & State or ZIP Tonight, this weekend, May 5th...
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City & State or ZIP Tonight, this weekend, May 5th...
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Is living together a good idea?

Yet another of my male friends decided to take the big plunge: asking their girlfriend to move in. I guess this is their way of determining if they can handle a full time, 24/7 relationship? I have yet to see any of my male friends make their live-in girlfriend a wife, but I don’t know if that is even a goal.

I have never lived with a boyfriend. I can barely handle sharing space for a weekend trip! I am sure adjusting to living with a girlfriend/boyfriend is vastly different when you are married. Maybe living together is a good idea for people who are unsure about the idea of marriage and cohabitation?

What happens in a “shacking up” relationship that can’t/won’t happen in a marriage? Why is the idea of living with someone so much easier than marrying them?

Have you ever lived with someone you dated? Do you have any advice for a coupe considering the idea?

Ladies, if you were in a serious relationship, would you be disappointed or elated about being asked to move in?

Happy Monday!

By Wise Diva, Misadventures in Atlanta Dating Blog

194 comments Add your comment

Single and Happier "Life Happens!"

September 24th, 2012
7:36 am

Morning All

Have never lived with a girlfriend, don’t believe in playing house without a license. I guess to so many you think that if things don’t work out you can just walk away, but the reality of it is, when people start living together they start putting finances, kids and everything else together, getting dependent on each other. It’s not as easy as you think to walk away then. I would rather go through a divorce so everything is spelled out than end up on Peoples Court or any other court trying to decide who’s responsible for what!

Comon Cents

September 24th, 2012
9:04 am

I think that, like S/H said, people view living together as less of a committment than getting married. And I think that’s one of the reasons that those relationships fail. The legally binding part of a marriage makes it harder to walk away from than a co-habitation relationship. Just my opinion.

Blackfoote: The Real Blackfoote

September 24th, 2012
9:08 am

I don’t condone people living together although when two grown adults decide to that’s their business and it’s no bother to me. I don’t know what it’s like personally to live unmarried with a woman but I would be open minded to a discussion. If we live together thoughts of marriage shouldn’t be that far out in our future.

Good Morning:

disco

September 24th, 2012
9:12 am

good morning all. where’s ITL? I ask because already I’ve heard “how was your weekend” more times than I think is necessary. I don’t think I’ve ever asked a co-worker how there weekend was yet every Monday it’s the same old thing.

on topic – me, myself, personally – I’ve never done the shacking thing. there was a time when I would have been dead set against it but I’m not as against it as I once was. to each his/her own and, like BF said, what grown folks do is grown folks business. certainly no concern of mine. as with most things I can see pros and cons of the living together arrangement.

Blackfoote: The Real Blackfoote

September 24th, 2012
9:16 am

Hey Comon, morning to you. I’ve seen many relationships fail because one party got angry and left in the other in a hell hole.

disco

September 24th, 2012
9:19 am

I have an aunt who lived with a guy since way back in the early 80s. they only just got married about 5 years ago. the wedding day went a little something like this. they worked different shifts. he was at the bar having a drink with friends. she said she went by the bar, picked him up, drove by the district justice, got married right quick, she took him back to the bar and dropped him off and then she went to work.

Blackfoote: The Real Blackfoote

September 24th, 2012
9:21 am

Morning disco I used to be set against it too now I’ve softened up a little. Yeah it has it’s good, bad, and ugly.

Blackfoote: The Real Blackfoote

September 24th, 2012
9:26 am

LOL…….@disco I had a manager do the same on her lunch break. On her lunch break she met her fiance at the court house signed the papers and came back to work. Then went to Las Vegas with a female co-worker everyone felt she was having an affair with. I tell you folks never cease to amaze.

Comon Cents

September 24th, 2012
9:34 am

disco~ I am sure ITL is still recovering from the weekend. GA game was apparently off the chain. I didn’t go because I got tickets to the GA Tech game from a friend and it was great right up until Tech made a stupid move in overtime and lost. SMDH… Idiots, I tell ya!

BF~ And that’s usually the way it goes.

BTW, Good Morning to all!

disco

September 24th, 2012
9:44 am

I think the blog monster sometimes jacks posts just because it can.

disco

September 24th, 2012
9:47 am

I also wonder where all the jacked posts go. I bet that would make for some entertaining reading. the blog monster is selfish. just doesn’t want to share the good stuff. okay. I’m tripping. sorry. lol.

Sara

September 24th, 2012
9:47 am

I swore I would never live with a boyfriend before being married… and truth be told, I would have never lasted 2 days with any previous boyfriend. However, in my experience, when you meet the right guy, you just love being around them so much, you don’t want to part. I met my fiance (we’re getting married in 2 weeks!) 4 years ago and about 3 months after dating he asked me to move in. I said “no”, but as the years went on, more of my stuff ended up at his apartment. We officially moved in to our own place together 2 months ago (a few months into engagement).

As much as I never wanted to do it this way, it sure has been nice to slowly get to know each other’s quirks, habits, and routines. It would have been quite the shock if we learned all of that at once right after the honeymoon :)

ThirdWheel

September 24th, 2012
9:49 am

Never Ever Never Ever again will I make that horrible mistake of living with someone!! NEVERRRRRRR. I am still trying to escape my ex. Three more months to go….. I don’t think I am going to make it though. God has taught me a lesson… I am leaving a house that I PICKED out, GOT FINANCING for and SETUP! I am also leaving MY DOG that was given to me by MY FRIEND because I am a bad mother because I am never home anymore. He has turned me off from ever dating or trusting anyone ever again!!! Just say no people!! Unless you are getting married don’t do it!!!! Ok I’m done screaming…

SlimUno

September 24th, 2012
9:52 am

Morning folks! Blogging from the airport headed to Dallas. I have lived with my boyfriend before who is now my ex. I would not want to do that again without at least an engagement. I’m at my current beau’s crib a lot but have not moved in.

Comon Cents

September 24th, 2012
9:53 am

3rd~ But don’t you think it would have been the same had you married him and moved in together? The only difference is it would have cost you more money to leave.

disco

September 24th, 2012
9:55 am

by the way, if I did shack up it would have had to be me moving in with him. I don’t think him moving in with me would work at all. lol.

Comon Cents

September 24th, 2012
9:56 am

disco~ Somehow, I just couldn’t see you shacking. Dude would make you mad and you would have him so scared he’d leave his own house! :lol:

ThirdWheel

September 24th, 2012
10:00 am

Oh yea it probaby would have been worse because then I would be married to this loser. It’s going to cost me money reguardless. I mean I am having to break a lease and move to another place. I think God that I didn’t marry him!! I knew when he was talking about me charging my ring on MY credit card and him paying the bill I should run for the hills because now he doesn’t pay his bills at all… OMG I am just a bitter black woman….

Comon Cents

September 24th, 2012
10:10 am

3rd~ Why would you give him that much control over you and your life? Chalk it up to experience, learn from your mistakes and move on from that loser.

ThirdWheel

September 24th, 2012
10:16 am

@Comon it’s probably because I have to look at him on a daily basis. I’m trying to move on but time is not moving fast enough.

Celisea

September 24th, 2012
10:22 am

I did the shacking up thing. I can firmly say that’s not something I’ll ever do again. We didn’t decide to move together, we just sort of “ended up” that way…lol It started out with him staying the weekends on to coming back on Monday evenings after work. Then it was stuff accumulating at my place. Next thing I know, so much had accumulated that I made space for his things. I can’t lie, it was good….the first couple of years. Nothing but lovemaking and hanging out. Problem set in though, when it was time to do something other than that or needing a break from one another or wanting to date someone else, etc. etc. etc….lol I would hang out with my girls and have guys interested (my interest peeked as well) but what could I do with that? Not a thing because I was living with someone. After living together some years, breaking up and making up more times than I can count, we decided living separate would be the best thing. Of course by then, there was a kid involved. Funny thing, he still tried to police me and my goings and was showing up about as much as he was when we lived together. I knew he wanted to move back in but I felt like I was granted a reprieve or something…lolololol I knew once we officially separated I wasn’t going back. We still hung out for a minute, did the mommie, daddie, kid thing, but I was done. I slept with him for a while because I needed some, didn’t want to take the (sex) plung with someone new and well, danggit he was good in bed…lol Even so, I was gone…heart and mind. Done. When the realization set it for him, he tried to get it back but by then I was sooooo happy happy happy to be free.

Anyhoo, no matter how good of a time we had together, there always seemed (for me), to be a void there. Something missing that I could never quite place my finger on. I don’t regret living together because I learned soooo much about a man and how he ticks, but to this day, I’m happy that we didn’t marry. I don’t have anything personal against him, he never came to being much.

Celisea

September 24th, 2012
10:27 am

Slim, have fun on your trip!

My travel (I think next week), has been approved. It’s been a minute and I’m up for the challenge. I hope I’m scheduled to go on the day I have the golf tourney…lol

I feel like I’m talking to myself…lol

Lady – You reading?

Comon Cents

September 24th, 2012
10:31 am

C~ So do you think you would ever do the marriage thing considering you felt trapped living with dude?

Celisea

September 24th, 2012
10:37 am

CC – My life is not perfect but I LOVE where I am. I’m not against marriage though. I don’t typically get into feeling “trapped” when in relationships. He was just overbearing, insanely jealous and thought everything was the bed. I’ve said it a number of times on here, he never seemed motivated outside of looking good, smelling good and “feeling” good. Danggit, we gotta eat and live and have things. I cool hanging out (a lot) with a dude but you gotta be moving and shaking things up and making things happen. Not just humping like rabbits….and that’s all.

Lady~sharpness is > than smartness

September 24th, 2012
10:40 am

cute story C~ ;)

lurking a bit but I feel ya with talking to yourself lol I feel like that too with my stories lol ;)

Happy Monday MIA! ;)

Celisea

September 24th, 2012
10:41 am

Heeey there Lady, what’s crackalackin? How was your weekend? We have to get on schedule for lunch/late luch.

Celisea

September 24th, 2012
10:44 am

CC – I will say this, at this point and age in my life, there’s not so much of shaking and accumulating to be had as we’re well into our walk. Don’t get me wrong, growth is ever happening and we continue to evolve. But, I would say, at this point, a dude being established (as well as myself), is probably more of what would satisfy me.

Celisea

September 24th, 2012
10:45 am

I will say this too….I AM SATISFIED, at this point in my life :mrgreen: Y’all caught what I said? :mrgreen:

Lady~sharpness is > than smartness

September 24th, 2012
10:48 am

Quiet Fall weekend with the people I love~ Yeah we do……..I will keep you posted! I have a date in mind for later October……..Soup & Salad lunch perhaps ~

disco

September 24th, 2012
10:49 am

C – that’s why I’m the chick that doesn’t even allow a toothbrush to hang out. take it with you or I’m throwing it away.

Celisea

September 24th, 2012
10:49 am

Lady – Okay….just shoot me something. I could do Loca Luna again. I was impressed.

Jake-Colt 45 "It Works Every Time"

September 24th, 2012
10:50 am

To Shack or Not To Shack…I did it, but did with full intention of going the distance. We got engaged about a year in. I would not advise it for any gentleman who isn’t sure that is where the relationship is headed. Its inevitable that the lady will begin to feel that need.

Comon Cents

September 24th, 2012
10:50 am

C~ I feel you on that! My first husband was that way. Turns out he was so concerned about what I was doing because he was out doing more than his share of dirt. :lol: He was also concerned with looking and smelling good, having the “right” car, etc. I would rather it look bad on the outside and be good on the inside than vice versa. Also, it’s very hard for me to feel romantic and lovey-dovey if I am worried about how we are going to pay the bills next month.

Lady~sharpness is > than smartness

September 24th, 2012
10:51 am

I have shacked once~ Don’t have to do it again~ I do look forward to marrying and sustaining~

Lady~sharpness is > than smartness

September 24th, 2012
10:52 am

Celisea

September 24th, 2012
10:54 am

disco – LOL…yeah, I was thinking that after a few years into that thing. “Dang, when are you going home?” Ooops, by then it was home…lol

I remember one of the times we were on the “outs” and I apparently was sleeping hard as I didn’t hear him knocking. I lived on the 2nd floor of an apartment. It was my birthday. I wasn’t with anyone during the outs, had the kid, felt sort of depressed that I didn’t do anything for my birthday and went to bed early. My neighbor said he knocked on my door for the longest time…lol Said he was saying “Celisea, c’mon, open the door.” She said when she opened her door, he left. He called the next day and was hot with me…lol Well, heck I didn’t hear him! He’d showed up to surprise me. Oh well…I missed that one.

Comon Cents

September 24th, 2012
10:54 am

disco~ Do you remember that episode of Living Single when Overton and Kyle are going out and he asks Kyle if he should break out the guest toothbrush and Kyle says no because tonight he is looking for the kind of woman who brings her own? That is what your statement at 10:49 made me think of. :lol:

Into the Light

September 24th, 2012
10:56 am

Morning, all!

LOL@disco. Stuck in the land of nosy people. :)

@CC: Yep – the game was AMAZING and a great time was had by all. I thought you would text/email to let me know you were/were not gonna make it by. *shrugs*

disco

September 24th, 2012
10:58 am

CC – I do remember that episode. a lot of that is nothing but blocking. some dudes (and chicks) want to come over and leave stuff just in case somebody else is there. who has time for it? I got a start on cleaning out the closets for the seasonal wardrobe change-out and realized that I still have a few of my son’s belongings in a spare closet. I figure he hasn’t lived in my house for 5+ years. he’s no longer a “transitional” college student. his stuff has to go. like he can still fit that prom suit. lol.

kimmie

September 24th, 2012
11:17 am

Morning Gang!!

Hoping to be back on a more “regular” blogging schedule!LOL!

Light – Another SLAUGHTER by the mighty DAWGS!!!

Po little NATS(Tech) :lol:

On topic – To each his/her own, but never shacked. My parents were dead set against it, so I kept that in mind. Had one to tell me he was considering marrying me but would not unless we shacked for awhile first. I took it as a threat because I was not too long out of my parents house & he knew how I felt about such. Needless to say I stuck to my guns. He was still wanting to marry even after I refused, but other things broke us up.

I only moved in with my now husband about a month before the wedding. He had children and we wanted to set a good example.

I don’t feel I missed anything by playing house with any of my ex bfs at all. I would tell anyone to not even consider it unless you are already engaged and wedding date set. Moving in cause you think that will get you closer to marriage – well I’ve seen it work but not very often. I don’t care what anyone says, you are just practicing living in the same place together, not practicing “marriage”. The same level of committment is NOT there, even if it’s just subconscious. There is no motivation to make it work and no vows to honor and respect.

disco

September 24th, 2012
11:21 am

hey there kimmie. I agree in general but have to add that for everyone marriage isn’t always the end goal. for some it’s pure economics (a roommate with benefits situation). for others it’s simply “I want to be with you and I don’t care if we never get married”. I’m not denying that there are those out there who think shacking will ultimately lead to the proposal but some don’t even desire marriage.

kimmie

September 24th, 2012
11:27 am

disco – I totally agree, that’s why I say to each his/her own. I just wish folks would really be true to themselves and be honest with themselves and who they get involved with about what they want. If you really want that ring, speak up, stand your ground and don’t settle for less. You will be amazed at the level of respect you get for your honesty. Stop being afraid you’re going to scare someone away that truly isn’t yours anyway at the end of the day.

Robert

September 24th, 2012
11:28 am

“Do you have any advice for a coupe considering the idea?”

In my lifetime I have learned – “never to say never”. It depends on what stage you are in you life. For example;

I would never consider “shacking” if –
1. I was a young man or woman (20-30).
2. You are still immature and are learning about life, sex, money and responsibility.
3. You probally just left your mother’s house and never had your own place.

1. I was a mature man or woman (30-40).
2. You already had a life (husband, wife, kids, house, bills, etc.) and are know divorced.
3. You filed bankruptcy after divorce and are still trying to play catch-up on your bills.

The only way I would consider “shacking” and giving up my freedom and power to choose who, what and where I want to work, love, live and play –

1. Marry a very rich woman who only wants all my love, passion & desire.

Celisea

September 24th, 2012
11:28 am

Marriage was NOT top of mind for me when I cohabitated. So, no it was not my lifelong goal…lol I did’t wish for it neither was I delusional about it…lol

Really, what’s the huge difference in living together versus spending weekends or nights or getaways or vacationing? IMO, unless it’s marriage first, then living together and consummating as a married couple, I don’t see that huge of a difference.

Comon Cents

September 24th, 2012
11:32 am

ITL~ Sorry no phone call. It was all very last minute. I am glad that GA won, but my poor little Yellow Jackets are having a hard time with the concept of overtime obviously. hat had to be one of the stupidest plays ever. Not only that, we did it in the game against VA Tech, so you would think that they would have learned by now. SMDH…

kimmie~ Leave my nats jackets alone. Let me lick my wounds in peace, please…

disco

September 24th, 2012
11:32 am

C – what’s the difference? I can’t speak for everyone but for me the difference is one’s ability to GO HOME. lol. heck, I know sometimes I get sick of folks when they are just visiting, watching a movie or something. need for them to hurry up and get up out of my space.

Robert

September 24th, 2012
11:32 am

Robert’s Rules of Dating – Is living together a good idea? (Shacking)

Top 10

1.

Celisea

September 24th, 2012
11:34 am

disco – I would never do it again but I don’t get why it’s considered taboo if you’re doing the same thing but in smaller dosages…lol If you spend the weekend or spend a week vacationing or a night or two here or there….THERE’S NOT MUCH DIFFERENCE IN THAT AND LIVING TOGETHER!!! lolololololol

disco

September 24th, 2012
11:36 am

C – so what you are really doing is calling folks out on fornicating? lol.

Jake-Colt 45 "It Works Every Time"

September 24th, 2012
11:37 am

Celisea-the huge difference is just that….spending nights, weekends, getaways are time limited, you will be leaving at some point, going back to your own space, even if its just for a moment….living together, your own space is not your own space because you share that space…the nuiances of living with someone cannot be experienced when dating, staying over and such….there is an anticpation of this or that in the dating scenario-married or living together, you are just coming home…may still be a sizzle, but its a different sizzle.