Dating outside your age range?
Ok listen, I just saw a picture of Denzel Washington on the cover of GQ magazine. I have no words. The man is just…well, he is 57! I am going to be perfectly honest and say that I have not been looking at men in that age range – but should I start? First, I should ask: Do men in their late 50s look like Denzel?!
Taking the totally superficial part out of the equation, how does dating outside your age range really work? I am talking about the generational gaps that can lead to awkward conversations, family disapproval, misunderstandings, mismatched libidos…I could go on!
Relationships can be challenging enough to get started. How do you start one with someone who is not in your “normal dating range”?
Have you ever dated someone 10-15 years or more older/younger than you? What advice would you give to a couple with a significant age gap? How do you think it differs from dating someone the same age as you?
By Wise Diva, Misadventures in Atlanta Dating Blog
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438 comments Add your comment
Comon Cents
September 19th, 2012
2:39 pm
disco~ We are >>>>>>here<<<<<<!
Willie Dynamite
September 19th, 2012
2:41 pm
ITL – Thanks and tell her I said hello and hang in there.
Bluzgirl
September 19th, 2012
2:41 pm
Slim…even though I like older men, I don’t think I would have a kid with one who is older than 50 (not that I want to have kids anyway). I have decided myself that if I don’t change my mind about kids by the times I’m 35, I’m not going to do it. I don’t want to be an old mom and I sure wouldn’t want a man who would be near 70-80 when the kid graduates! To me, that’s not fair to the kid. My mother grew up with older parents and it was difficult for her. I don’t want to do that to a child…
SlimUno
September 19th, 2012
2:44 pm
ain’t that about the time folks start getting wormy? Or, is that more like 70ish?
Cel –
I wonder where that old saying comes from? And i’m cracking up that we still use it. 
Celisea
September 19th, 2012
2:45 pm
Slim – I said it, I’m closing shop fairly early, for that reason alone. If I’ve come this far without “catching” something, I sho won’t be on the last leg of the race getting worms…lolololol
Bluzgirl
September 19th, 2012
2:46 pm
disco – the way I meant it is that color doesn’t matter to me…I see what you’re saying and never thought about it that way. Again…no one has ever brought it up like that, so thank you for enlightening me.
Celisea
September 19th, 2012
2:46 pm
Too, at that age, why can’t we just sit on the porch, sip lemonade and watch the traffic, or the sunrise, or the stars???
Jake-Colt 45 "It Works Every Time"
September 19th, 2012
2:47 pm
Lol…Bluz, I know, there just isn’t a short explanation for Racial Divides….
I think that you will find that most AA 45years old or less are very “hopeful” with regard to race and their world, those above, their hopeful, but they still hold and attitude of “beware of whitey”. Its a pervasive part of Black life that we cannot detach ourselves from. Older AA, have no trust of “the man”, but if experience has shown you one thing, why would believe something different. Its part of our DNA, when you have been fighting uphill forever against a mountain with no Apex in sight, you may not realize when you get there, but you do know to keep fighting the battle.
Comon Cents
September 19th, 2012
2:48 pm
Bluz~ The older parent thing can go either way. My father’s parents were 42 & 47 when he was born and waiting until later made them much more effective parents than they would have been as younger parents. IJS…
Into the Light
September 19th, 2012
2:49 pm
@WD: You’re welcome! I’ll be glad when she’s back.
@BF: I draw the line at fangs. Unless we’re talking Alexander Skaarsgard, in which case I will make an exception.
Or Joe Manganiello, if we’re talking wolves.
@Slim: What does “wormy” mean? A friend of mine uses it to mean you’re under the weather, but from the context of your post it seems like it might have another meaning.
Lady~
September 19th, 2012
2:51 pm
Peace out C & MIA!
Single and Happier "Life Happens!"
September 19th, 2012
2:52 pm
Bluz since you have never been discriminated against, wouldn’t expect you to see color, sorry but that’s just the way it is.
PG when I was speaking of Asia I meant the on place they failed to conquer
Celisea
September 19th, 2012
2:53 pm
Later Lady!!!
Keeping it on the sidelines 
SlimUno
September 19th, 2012
2:53 pm
Too, at that age, why can’t we just sit on the porch, sip lemonade and watch the traffic, or the sunrise, or the stars???
Cel – Well, probably because you can’t really see that good at that age.
ITL – Yeah whenever an older guy is trying to hit on you or in the case of a super young girl marrying someone much older, we always shrill at the thought and say, Ewwwww, he probably has worms. The only thing I could see that saying coming from is like old meat having maggots/worms on it…or the thought of laying in a casket, you’re bound to have some sort of little critters taking over your body. But long story short, it basically means OLD AS HELL lolol
Into the Light
September 19th, 2012
2:54 pm
So much truth being spoken today….. and there is a part of me screaming inside, “SO HOW DO WE FIX IT????” It’s frustrating to know what the problem is, but not be able to fix it. At least not by yourself.
Single and Happier "Life Happens!"
September 19th, 2012
2:54 pm
Too, at that age, why can’t we just sit on the porch, sip lemonade and watch the traffic, or the sunrise, or the stars???
you done gone and lost you dang mind (LOL) Grandpa and Grandma want some loving too!!
Celisea
September 19th, 2012
2:56 pm
Slim – Can see where to put stuff either. Especially all shriveled and stuff…lol Yeah, I’m taking it to the porch.
Single – I could say the same….lololol You don’t lost your mind tryna get it and can’t get it up no mo…lol I sho hope I don’t have a fiesty old man, tryna get it and I’m doing my moms…”go on man” A fiesty young man tends to be a fiesty old man.
Bluzgirl
September 19th, 2012
2:57 pm
CC – I can understand that side as well. I was always glad to have younger parents. My dad is 55 and my mom is 58 now. Hopefully, they both still have many, many more years left in them! I just can’t imagine being close to 60 when my child graduates from high school. Then…when you have grandkids, you’re too old to get on the ground and play with them…
Into the Light
September 19th, 2012
2:57 pm
Now I have to use it in a sentence, so that I commit it to memory: I work with a guy that is wormy as all get out, and I can’t wait for him to retire with his old a$$ combover.
How’d I do?
Single and Happier "Life Happens!"
September 19th, 2012
2:58 pm
ITL the race problem has been around as long as man has been around, until you get people to stop thinking that because of the color of my skin I’m am superior to you it will never go away!
Into the Light
September 19th, 2012
2:59 pm
@Stamps: Ew ew ew! Quit it, man. That’s just….ew.
Single and Happier "Life Happens!"
September 19th, 2012
3:00 pm
Okay C and how many sibling do you have?
Bluzgirl
September 19th, 2012
3:00 pm
S/H – But…I have been discrimated against…maybe not to the same extent as an AA, but I have felt it and it sucks…
disco
September 19th, 2012
3:00 pm
S/H – well we might as well toast it because it sure as heck ain’t going away. lol. by the way, S/H, what’s going on with you? i see you are “happier” now.
Celisea
September 19th, 2012
3:00 pm
Single – Had 7, one passed. Eight of us in all…I’m the baby
Single and Happier "Life Happens!"
September 19th, 2012
3:01 pm
ITL why is that ewww, you think you grandparents didn’t like to get their freak on??
disco
September 19th, 2012
3:01 pm
bluz – you’ve mentioned being discriminated against several times. care to share?
Into the Light
September 19th, 2012
3:02 pm
@Stamps re: your 2:58: I think we ALL have responsibility for making things better. I don’t feel I am superior because I look like Casper’s stunt double; please don’t assume and treat me as though I do.
I’m not saying you meaning YOU, but people in general. It’s like what CC said earlier about me thinking you have a chip on your shoulder so you withdraw thinking I have one on mine bc I’m treating you like you have one on yours, and round and round and round we go…..
SlimUno
September 19th, 2012
3:03 pm
SH – Do you really think you’ll still have a craving for some ole puddy when you get over 70?
Cel – Did not need that visual….shriveled
I’m sure puddy doesn’t look all that great at an older age either. TMI but I already have a granny cootie with gray herrrs poppin up all over the place. I didn’t even know those changed colors 
SexyCool
September 19th, 2012
3:04 pm
I just read back on *some* of the earlier conversation and I have to say that my experience with the kind of “get to know you” questions is quite different. Perhaps it had something to do with the fact that I was rasied in a predominantly white environment and the fact that my grandmother had close friendships with white women.
It could have something to do with the fact that I may be just a bit narcissistic in that I like talking about myself.
Either way, that conversation doesn’t bother me one bit…especially since I control how I answer the questions and what information I choose to share.
Comon Cents
September 19th, 2012
3:04 pm
S/H~ I was going to say the same thing. However, it goes further than that. While ITL may not think she is superior because of skin color, she also has to be able to see that her blues ain’t like mine. In other words, as I said to Bluz earlier, there are certain things I am REQUIRED as a parent to teach my children if I want them to be “safe” in the world. These are things that would never occur to Bluz or ITL (like buying flesh colored bandaids) because the ARE the norm. Defensive responses to issues voiced by people of color are invocations of privilege
Into the Light
September 19th, 2012
3:04 pm
@Stamps: I hope they did, but I don’t want to think about it or know about it. Same with my parents. I’d be perfectly happy thinking I was an immaculate conception. ((((shudder))))
Celisea
September 19th, 2012
3:05 pm
Slim – Okay this is gonna be TMI…how about I was getting out of the tube and saw one. I got a mirror and looked below (cause I was shocked). Well wouldn’t you know there were others…just dang great
I have one gray eyebrow and one lash that I pluck the minute I see them.
Celisea
September 19th, 2012
3:05 pm
tub not tube
disco
September 19th, 2012
3:06 pm
ITL – casper’s stunt double? that’s funny because I have a little cousin (17) who I used to say looked like casper when she was a baby. sure, she was fair skinned but it was more because she had/has a perfectly round head. I still call her big head to this day. pretty but she’s got a big head. lol.
Single and Happier "Life Happens!"
September 19th, 2012
3:06 pm
Bluz until you can say you couldn’t go places, do things, not even try on clothes in a store were they will take your money, you haven’t been discriminated against to the extent of any black person over 50!
Disco, life is great just getting happier by the minute.
C are both of your parents still with us?
Single and Happier "Life Happens!"
September 19th, 2012
3:07 pm
Slim I might not be able to get it, but I’m sure I’ll be wanting it (LOL)
Celisea
September 19th, 2012
3:07 pm
Single – No. My pops passed 2009. They were married 54 years and 8 months.
SlimUno
September 19th, 2012
3:07 pm
Cel – That’s pretty much how I discovered mine. I thought it was a piece of lint until I pulled it and that sucka hurt! Yep, that one gray has went and brought along several of its friends.
Comon Cents
September 19th, 2012
3:07 pm
TMI but I already have a granny cootie with gray herrrs poppin up all over the place. I didn’t even know those changed colors
I remember when I found my 1st one.
I think I cried for a week. 
Jake-Colt 45 "It Works Every Time"
September 19th, 2012
3:09 pm
ITL-You can’t fix it, race is real….and everyone is Prejudice, everyone isn’t racist, but everyone is prejudice….its natural. Our goal should be to be respectful of each other and accept one another’s cultural differences, not try to make those differences disappear, there is much value in those things that seperate us.
People should acknowledge the historical wrongs to any race of people. We can’t blame all white folks for the sins of their fathers, but don’t tell me I should be okay with it. Same goes for other races and any historical mistreatment of their people….Its not as hard as we think!!
Lastly, LOVE THY Neighbor, thy black, thy hispanic, thy white, they Asian,
Bluzgirl
September 19th, 2012
3:09 pm
disco…my boss shows signs of racism. She is AA and treats all of the AA people in my office much better. She makes it pretty obvious. There are only a few of us who are white and she picks on us about every little thing. A couple of my AA coworkers, who are close friends, have gone off on her and didn’t get in trouble at all. I say something jokingly and she writes me up. It has been said by both AA and white folks here that they see her racism/favoritism.
Also, when I was called a racist, it was because I didn’t agree with something about our current president. It had nothing to do with race…it’s a political difference. It doesn’t make sense to me that just because I have different political beliefs (which is third party…not Dem or Rep), it makes me a racist because I don’t agree with the first black president. If it was a white woman, I would still disagree with the same things…
Into the Light
September 19th, 2012
3:10 pm
@disco: I use the Casper thing bc I’m very fair. But I guess I do have kind of a round head, now that you mention it.
Celisea
September 19th, 2012
3:10 pm
Slim – That area for me is ultra sensitive. I didnt not pluck. But I was thinking WTHeck??? So I RAN for the mirror…lol
CC – I didn’t cry but I have polled a dude asking his thoughts on grays in that area…lololol But (him) being about my age, I don’t sweat it too much. A young cat might get scared off from that…lolololol
Bluzgirl
September 19th, 2012
3:11 pm
S/H – No…not discriminated in that way, but why should it be held against me if I’m not the one who discriminated you? Just because I wear the same skin color as the person who did that, doesn’t mean I hold their beliefs…
SexyCool
September 19th, 2012
3:12 pm
Bluz – sounds like an HR complaint to me. I don’t tolerate blantant favoritism amongst my leadership team. I tell them all the time, “You don’t have to like everybody the same. But you MUST treat everybody the same.”
Single and Happier "Life Happens!"
September 19th, 2012
3:12 pm
C, Slim sit back and enjoy the grayness
C no disrespect, but when we are in a loving relationship we enjoy making love, but the thought of our parents being in a loving relationship and making love somehow seems wrong ? that’s for you to ITL
cba
September 19th, 2012
3:13 pm
@ITL 2:07, to be very honest, I think the tension has never left; just “pushed under the rug”. Have things improved, of course they have, even in my life time. Being honest again, alot of whites will never accept a black person as his/her equal. It doesn’t matter what degree you have, where you went to school or your current status in life. To some them, it’s because of affirmative action or we received assistant from the government that they didn’t receive. And that kind of thinking rub alot of people the wrong way.
@BF 2:06, man I tell people all the time, when you stop having birthdays…..what’s the alternative??
I too have lost a couple of very close friends, late forties, early fifties.
Yeah, I wanna get old
Celisea
September 19th, 2012
3:14 pm
Sngle – To you 3:12…heck no! I’m only kidding. I’m going until the ticker ticks out. I’m only saying I won’t be a foolish old woman chasing stuff. Heck if there’s a companion and we can do it and not kill over, I’m good…lololololol I’m there to please him (even in my old age)…you gotta say that some kind of way now for it to be effective.
Single and Happier "Life Happens!"
September 19th, 2012
3:14 pm
CC I meant to ask you about something I think you said yesterday, since you don’t like either party, are you a republican?