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Dating outside your age range?

Ok listen, I just saw a picture of Denzel Washington on the cover of GQ magazine. I have no words. The man is just…well, he is 57! I am going to be perfectly honest and say that I have not been looking at men in that age range – but should I start? First, I should ask: Do men in their late 50s look like Denzel?!

Taking the totally superficial part out of the equation, how does dating outside your age range really work? I am talking about the generational gaps that can lead to awkward conversations, family disapproval, misunderstandings, mismatched libidos…I could go on!

Relationships can be challenging enough to get started. How do you start one with someone who is not in your “normal dating range”?

Have you ever dated someone 10-15 years or more older/younger than you? What advice would you give to a couple with a significant age gap? How do you think it differs from dating someone the same age as you?

By Wise Diva, Misadventures in Atlanta Dating Blog

438 comments Add your comment

disco

September 19th, 2012
10:34 am

I think I mentioned on here before about a neighbor who was making comments about how fine and sexy my (then) 16 year old son was. said neighbor had to have been mid 40s or so. had to nip that in the bud immediately. I have a friend (40+) who was creeping with the 26 year old son of a friend of hers. told her I didn’t knock the relationship but she was going about it dirty. told her that had it been my son I would have whooped her A. when my son first got his own apartment at 19 he said a neighbor tried to holler and said she was 29. he called me and said that he wasn’t sure if he should believe her since he figured a lot of women over 30 lied and said they were 29. I couldn’t help but laugh.

Comon Cents

September 19th, 2012
10:34 am

ITL yea you better clap before he does, (LOL)

Shoot! They’ll have that thing looking like a strobe light with all the clapping going on in there. :lol:

Into the Light

September 19th, 2012
10:35 am

LOLOLOLOL….I guess 3rd grade was so much fun, some are jonesing to relive it.

Willie Dynamite

September 19th, 2012
10:38 am

Afternoon All,
Age range matters depending on what you are trying to get out of it. When I was younger I tended to hang out with an older crowd. I learned a lot about listening and conversing. That in turn drew me to older women. I then learned even more. As I progressed it was easier dealing with older women mainly because I love good conversation.

Into the Light

September 19th, 2012
10:39 am

@disco: The son of a friend is just so wrong on so many levels. Ick. That’s lower than low. And if she toted and a$$ whooping from that one, she earned it.

@CC: LOL. I might better rethink having a Clapper when I’m at Shady Acres. Too much potential for error. Your false teeth clack, the light comes on. You drop your cane, the light goes out. Naaaah, I better get a remote instead. :)

Lady~

September 19th, 2012
10:43 am

C~ what have I missed sis?!? busy morning as usual lol

Celisea

September 19th, 2012
10:44 am

Lady – Check your email

Bluzgirl

September 19th, 2012
10:45 am

ITL – Funny what you can “conquer” when you set your mind to it! I KNEW I was getting it that night from him. Don’t ask me how I knew, but I did!

disco

September 19th, 2012
10:50 am

ITL – when it all came to light there was no butt whooping. the mother confronted her. she owned up to it. they talked about it, cried about it and their relationship fell off. consequently, the relationship with the son fell off as well. not sure if it was because the mother had a hand in it or my friend was only feeling it when she was sneaking. either way, it was done.

Into the Light

September 19th, 2012
10:50 am

@Bluz: I guess there’s something to be said for going after what you want….. I tend to be more traditional and wait for him to make the first move. Maybe I should try out my “Conqueror” mode. LOL

Lady~

September 19th, 2012
10:51 am

after visiting my boo’s family recently I must say I was very comfortable and didn’t get you got a baby look or hear baby jokes. His sister-in-law was way cool bc there is a age diff with his brother who is her husband. Also his mother was very cordial and welcoming and respected me as his girlfriend and I have since coversed with her over the phone since meeting her. They are cool. He said they don’t judge folks and everyone is a individual. Its a very educated family sever PhDs and retiered educators, etc. I have a good man and I am thankful. We had that generational conversation and promised to repsect each toher and learn from each other but merge each other’s wisdom and experiences onggoing. He is a man’s man though very macho so its not always smooth sailings bc he doesn’t like to be called on his mess however he will come back and point out how I helped him or made sense about situations and give me my props~ We jive well together…. ;)

Lady~

September 19th, 2012
10:52 am

Into the Light

September 19th, 2012
10:52 am

@disco: I’m not surprised the relationship fell off. How could you look a friend in the eye knowing you had done “that” with her son? I DO NOT have poker face…my guilt would be written all over it.

Celisea

September 19th, 2012
10:53 am

Lady – That is fantab! You go girl!!

Bluzgirl

September 19th, 2012
10:54 am

Do it ITL!!! You’ll be amazed at how easily you can get you some when you make your mind up!

Lady~

September 19th, 2012
10:55 am

oh and he doesn’t look 47 at all! many say that and he knows it lol he is a mess! Confident Alpha Man~ lol #dead lol

Lady~

September 19th, 2012
10:55 am

Thanks C!!!!! ;)

Celisea

September 19th, 2012
10:56 am

He didn’t look 47 to me either :mrgreen:

Lady~

September 19th, 2012
10:57 am

C his sis-in-law was ready to hire me in her adminstration lol we were briefly talking about what if we moved back to SC. So who knew I would network too while visiting his family?!? lol they know many folks. and sometimes its alll in who you know! lol

Lady~

September 19th, 2012
10:57 am

Celisea

September 19th, 2012
10:58 am

Lady – Wow…that’s cool. So, are you thinking about relocating. Girl, it’s always who you know

Into the Light

September 19th, 2012
11:04 am

@Bluz: The way you say that makes it sound so casual and game-like. I’m just not made that way…. I need some emotion involved.

disco

September 19th, 2012
11:07 am

bluz / ITL – getting some isn’t the hard part. finding someone you want to give it to is usually the hard part. I pity the chick that can’t even give it away.

Bluzgirl

September 19th, 2012
11:08 am

ITL – I can honestly say I’ve only really done that a couple of times and it was many years ago. Mainly a rebound situation also. I was kind of amazed that it happened so easily. Guys tend to agree that if a woman wants to get laid, it’s not too hard, but guys can go out with that mission and strike out easily.

Into the Light

September 19th, 2012
11:09 am

finding someone you want to give it to is usually the hard part

That’s the point I was trying to make, disco. Thanks! You said it well.

Bluzgirl

September 19th, 2012
11:10 am

disco…that is true. There were times I went out on a mission to get some and there was no one worthy, so I gladly went home alone. I’m not one to pick up just anyone. Also, the couple of times I did that, it was with men I already knew…just didn’t know in that way until that night!

Lady~

September 19th, 2012
11:10 am

C~ prob no time soon but one day hopefully! ;)

Lady~

September 19th, 2012
11:12 am

C I have pork chops, cheese mashed potatoes, and apples today! a bit more filling but I am still ready to GO! HA LOLOLOL! #sillyme

Celisea

September 19th, 2012
11:13 am

Lady – I did not bring lunch today. Actually I cooked chops Sunday and Monday. I went out last night :mrgreen: so I didn’t cook. I had salad the last two days. I want something different today.

Celisea

September 19th, 2012
11:13 am

Please don’t mentioned ready to go….girrrrl, I was that when I first got here…lol

Celisea

September 19th, 2012
11:13 am

mention not menitoned…

disco

September 19th, 2012
11:14 am

lady – your “menu” reminded me that I need intervention. last night for dinner I had ben and jerry’s new York superfudge chunk ice cream, keebler fudge stripe cookies and Pringles. yep. that was dinner. and, I topped it all off with a glass of wine. I know. I was shaking my own head at myself but it was good and I enjoyed every bit of it. lol.

Bluzgirl

September 19th, 2012
11:16 am

disco – PMS? :-) The other night, I had chips and dip, a Little Debbie snack, and then a bowl of cereal later…that was my healthy little dinner!

Lady~

September 19th, 2012
11:16 am

if this heffa say KROGERS one more damn time I am going to SCREAM! sigh! smh

Celisea

September 19th, 2012
11:18 am

Lady – Just ig that HEFFA….lolol

disco

September 19th, 2012
11:19 am

bluz – nope. just plain greedy. and, on top of the fact that I’m just plain greedy, drinking gives me the munchies like smoking gives other folks the munchies.

Into the Light

September 19th, 2012
11:19 am

@Lady: I feel you on that one. That is one of my pet peeves. Along with “heightH” and “acrossT”…. (((shudder)))

disco

September 19th, 2012
11:21 am

ITL – did you get to ask your question yesterday?

Bluzgirl

September 19th, 2012
11:22 am

disco – I feel ya! I get that way some nights also…

Into the Light

September 19th, 2012
11:24 am

@disco: I decided to wait until I’m certain of how I want to phrase it. I don’t want to offend anyone.

disco

September 19th, 2012
11:31 am

ITL – okay. I thought maybe you emailed one of the others about it.

Into the Light

September 19th, 2012
11:37 am

@disco: What was the name of the book you mentioned yesterday?

Comon Cents

September 19th, 2012
11:39 am

disco/ITL~ You know we some nosey heffas cause I asked the same question yesterday afternoon. LMAO!

disco

September 19th, 2012
11:42 am

ITL – divided sisters: bridging the gap between black women and white women

CC – not nosey. it obviously tied in with yesterday’s discussion. we were just being “conversational”. lol.

Lady~sharpness is > than smartness

September 19th, 2012
11:43 am

Here are 5 simple dating mistakes men make, but they are things every single man can improve on.
1. Focusing on facial looks and body:
Yes, men are more visual than woman and this often gets us into trouble. Our mind wanders and we become tempted to have sex. For some of us, we want the sex and not the relationship. Thus, a grown boy will fake a relationship for the sex. We must bring our thoughts and actions under the authority of God. We can admire a woman’s beauty, but must not allow it to lead to unhealthy motives.
2. Neglecting to be upfront about intentions:
As I stated above, don’t make the mistake of falling into temptations because of a woman’s beauty. When this happens you open yourself up to misleading a woman about your intentions. Date with integrity and be upfront about your intentions.
3. Being too nice:
Don’t be afraid to challenge a woman. Ask your deep, introspective questions as the relationship progresses. In the beginning, ask the important value-based questions. A real woman wants you to challenge her. If you sit back and never seek to bond on deeper conversational levels, you will miss out on a lot. Deep and challenging conversations will reveal much.
4. Having too much insecurity:
Insecurities never make relationships or dating better, only worse. Being insecure about who you are as a man makes you appear needy. Women typically don’t like needy men. Similarly, men don’t like needy women, but they do desire to be needed by a woman. We all have insecurities. What I am referring to is major insecurities that will negatively impact the process of getting to know someone. If this happens, be honest about your insecurities and see if you both can work through them together. If the burden is too great, seek help to root out the causes of the insecurity before having a relationship.
5. Pursuing the wrong woman:
Choose a woman based on common values and character. Choosing a woman based on desperation, looks, and wrong motives leads to frustration and deep disappointment.
I’m glad you read this far, because it means you’ve learned a lot of good information that will help you when put it into practice. Here’s what I want you to do next …

Lady~sharpness is > than smartness

September 19th, 2012
11:44 am

oh via a male relationship expert lol

Mike P

September 19th, 2012
11:44 am

Nope, at my present age, I can’t do older women anymore. There’s just no physical attraction. Even when I was in high school, I was constantly pursued by cougars or the 30+ crowd. It was fun back then, getting all that attention from women when I was younger, immature, and unsure about myself. I definite ego boost when compared to other guys my age back then. But now I am a grown man, I don’t need all that fanfare, validation, or ego boosting from women.

I am not sure who said it on this morning blog, but she was right, whenever a younger man goes with an older chick, it’s just for the fun, the experience, and to learn something new. It was never about a relationship nor did any of it would ever lead to a longterm thing.

At my present age, I define an older chick as any women over 4 years older than me. anything older than that ain’t natural to me.

morning blog folks

Into the Light

September 19th, 2012
11:53 am

Thanks, disco!

CC – I’m with disco. I think we’re conversational. :lol: Although it does remind me of what disco mentioned about the foreward of the book yesterday. I have had situations with AA co-workers where I thought I was making polite, getting to know you conversation and got “the look.” I think one even jokingly said something about me working for the FBI. It never dawned on me that “how long have you been here” “where did you work before” “where did you go to school” etc, etc….would be seen as prying.

kimmie

September 19th, 2012
11:54 am

Morning, almost afternoon Gang!

Thought I’d take a break from the hard work to holla!

On topic – Always liked guys around my own age, no more than 5 years older or younger. I always liked have points of reference and being able to relate to the same things. I never liked much older guys because, especially when I was in college, I felt older dudes wanted me to act older. They had more mature expectations. I was enjoying being young and free and at the maturity level I should be at that time, not trying to be something I wasn’t. Plus I never wanted or needed another “daddy”. The one I had was perfect and more than enough, thank you. And a real young dude – um no. What in the world would I do with one of those?

Lady~sharpness is > than smartness

September 19th, 2012
11:57 am