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City & State or ZIP Tonight, this weekend, May 5th...
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Do men feel pressure to marry?

I don’t know what its like to be single and male, but I can tell you being single and female definitely comes with pressure. The older you get *cough* the more people look at you and start to comment on why you aren’t married, how to fix it, and telling you that you have something left to do in life.

I have never heard of any of my guy friends talk of the same kinds of pressure to be someone’s husband, though. Some of them comment about feeling the need or pressure to have kids, but not necessarily with a wife. Do men feel pressure from family, friends, or even society to get married?

Do you think that there are actual marriages that are a result of “pressure” from everyone else to be married? How do you think that impacts the health of the marriage?

Would you consider dating and marrying someone simply because you feel you should be dating and marrying?

Happy Monday!

By Wise Diva, Misadventures in Atlanta Dating Blog

390 comments Add your comment

Blackfoote: The Real Blackfoote

September 18th, 2012
2:17 pm

LOL……@Single at being desperate.

Comon what ever you and the hubs decide to do, do it with class that could spiral out of control and be a lead story on CNN.

disco

September 18th, 2012
2:18 pm

S/H – and already I’m commenting when I said I wasn’t. lol. looking at it from your perspective I can kind of see them using the word knowing it was inflammatory but not necessarily understanding the full effect. still to call someone a BAN to their face is fighting words. to say it behind their back, well, then we know who the true BAN is.

Celisea

September 18th, 2012
2:20 pm

Single and Happy – Ain’t it good to have a job and like it???

Single and Happier "Life Happens!"

September 18th, 2012
2:21 pm

Disco, the way the used it, was inflammatory, but probably in their minds it was no different than say MF. Not the degrading term that it is used by others, they wouldn’t have put the Bytch A$$ on it.

Single and Happier "Life Happens!"

September 18th, 2012
2:22 pm

C yes it is, now all I have to do is become a morning person, and I will be all right (LOL)

Poppa Grande

September 18th, 2012
2:22 pm

CC-

My response, since you have a plan in mind, would be to address the first statement with a lil one by expressing the importance of knowing to which names to answer. (What people call you does not mean as much as what you answer to) and have a talk to the AD/Coach most places it is the same person anyways. He can address it with the whole team in a way that he can,even if the kids hear that language at home.” It it likely that it will get back to parents who taught this language that you know that the language is out there and you aren’t afraid to address.

As to the naturally better because he black, let lil kids know that they cannot just get by with what they have be naturally blessed. They must still work towards improvement>

Sassy Me...live..laugh..love ;-)

September 18th, 2012
2:24 pm

Comon what ever you and the hubs decide to do, do it with class

Yes and I think it should involve a parent(both sets)/teacher/principle conference along with reasons as to why they felt it was acceptable to call him that and reasons as to why it’s NOT okay. Then maybe some sort of discipline such that is’t discouraged from happening again.

Celisea

September 18th, 2012
2:25 pm

Single and Happy – You’re not a morning person? Really? I didn’t read that but hey, I don’t know you either. I’m a morning person!! Can you tell? lol I use to soooo not be, until a chick told me (after putting in her two weeks for leaving), that I was sooo cool to sit by at work and partner with, but that she just knew not to say anything to me until after noon. We laughed at it but it was a real eyeopener for me. From that point, I made every effort to shake the morning bear that was riding on my back every morning…lolol

YOU CAN CHANGE, YES YOU CAN :mrgreen:

Poppa Grande

September 18th, 2012
2:26 pm

BF –

One thing that all us attorneys learn in law school, not matter what area in which we practice, is to spin facts and present them to others. Usually are Judge and Jury, but sometimes it is public as well.

So, I am certain the CC can handle it even if it makes CNN. Maybe it would be a story to break all the “I approve this message” talk on TV.

Single and Happier "Life Happens!"

September 18th, 2012
2:27 pm

C my coworkers used to say not to say anything to me until after 9 unless I went to the gym that morning, and they actually could tell the difference. (LOL)

Celisea

September 18th, 2012
2:30 pm

CC – I just went back and read…just wow I would request a conference with the staff and the parents (with the boys). We would all have a sitdown and I would ask the staff to state in front of those parents whats acceptable and what’s not going to be tolerated. And if it continues what disciplinary actions will be taken.

disco

September 18th, 2012
2:32 pm

S/H – agreed.

y’all got me sitting here giggling at myself. yes, CC. please be a parent with class. don’t be a ghetto A parent like me. I would have been the one sending my son back to school to handle it. y’all know I’m tit for tat. I’d have been encouraging mine to talk about the other kid’s momma.

Single and Happier "Life Happens!"

September 18th, 2012
2:34 pm

disco, disco, disco (LOL)

Celisea

September 18th, 2012
2:35 pm

Single – At least it wasn’t “don’t say nothing to him before noon” lol

When I worked at Dun and Bradstreet, this white chick, a lesbo (was cool as ever with me and my sis) would ask my sister “where the little militant black midget today”

Comon Cents

September 18th, 2012
2:36 pm

Well, the reason that it did not end with that call of me having to go to the school because my boy was fighting was because I have been preparing him for this moment for about 5 years. I am well aware of where we live and with him always being one of a handful, I knew it was bound to happen sooner or later. I have always told him that you can’t change someone’s opinion by fighting any more than you can change someone’s religious beliefs by fighting.

So, over the weekend we watched the Herschel Walker story on YouTube (It originally aired on ESPN and if you haven’t seen it, I highly recommend it!) And I have a meeting to talk with the Headmaster and the AD on Thursday. Not sure what I am going to say yet, but I am sure it will come to me before I get to the meeting.

Hubs was of the opinion that we should give him a one time only free pass to whoop the boys azzes (I did tell y’all my hubby is from the SWAT originally, right?) But I told him that I don’t think that would help the situation. As far as calling the other parents in, I am pretty sure that is where these boys probably heard the word originally. And, no, I don’t think it was a “My bad, I didn’t know it was inflammatory”. I think that they intended to bait him into a fight.

Single and Happier "Life Happens!"

September 18th, 2012
2:40 pm

C that all depends on what time you get to work, I’m here around 6:30 (LOL)

Comon Cents

September 18th, 2012
2:41 pm

disco~ You and the hubs are on the same page. LOL!

C~ Do you resally think that bringing the other parents in would help? I thought about it, but then I tossed it out because with one of the boys (not sure about the other) I am 95% sure that he learned that crap at home. IJS. Therefore, I didn’t think it would make any difference if I brought them in or not. Maybe wait until after the meeting with the AD and Headmaster to see if it is worth it/what they are willing to do to discipline the other children?

Blackfoote: The Real Blackfoote

September 18th, 2012
2:41 pm

Poppa G you atty’s. have that great gift of using language that laymen like myself find difficult to understand. Speaking of language and not trying to turn to politics, did anybody hear the secretly recorded tape Romney made. He said to his wealthy constituents at a 50K dollar a plate dinner I’m not worried about the 47% who don’t pay taxes reffering to people receiving entittlements.

Single and Happier "Life Happens!"

September 18th, 2012
2:42 pm

Comon you know these folks better than we do, but do you think that his say bytch a$$ n, or just N? they may have said the naturally talented part though.

Celisea

September 18th, 2012
2:43 pm

I would say ten years ago I would have been HOT about the whole thing. My first thought now is what are they hearing at home and from folks (i.e. family members) they’re interacting with?

When we first moved to a predominately white neighborhood when I was about 7, I was called the N word a few years after moving there. By that time I was driving. I brought my car to a screeching stop (mom in passenger seat). I jumped out of the car and asked who said it as there were about 4 kids and a toddler standing there. Naturally they all said the baby said it. My mama explained to me then that what they hear from the adults raising them and their environment is what they put out and project.

Single and Happier "Life Happens!"

September 18th, 2012
2:43 pm

Black, now that’s a surprise (LOL)

Poppa Grande

September 18th, 2012
2:44 pm

disco -

**I’d have been encouraging mine to talk about the other kid’s momma.**

Yo mama joke bonding with the child, huh :lo:

Celisea

September 18th, 2012
2:45 pm

Single – LOLOLOLOL 6:30? You ain’t good til after 9? What’s wrong boo boo? Not good my man, not good. You getting better though right?

Single and Happier "Life Happens!"

September 18th, 2012
2:45 pm

C I got to ask, you were driving at 10 (LOL)

Single and Happier "Life Happens!"

September 18th, 2012
2:46 pm

C it all depends on the morning (LOL)

Celisea

September 18th, 2012
2:49 pm

CC – Absolutely. It doesn’t matter if that’s what his environment. It’ high time he and parents learn to keep that crap at home and that’s it’s not welcomed in the world we live it (or shouldn’t be). That it’s children of all races/color will indeed have a safe haven for learning and growning and interacting. Show a united front (you and hubs, your kid and the school). That that mess won’t be tolerated.

Into the Light

September 18th, 2012
2:49 pm

@CC: Regardless of what those kids hear at home, it needs to be made clear to them that that type of language will not be tolerated….EVER.

Celisea

September 18th, 2012
2:50 pm

Single – I said a few years later….I was called the N word often…OFTEN. It was a predominately white neighborhood. By the time I was diving and got my license, someone yelled it out.

Sassy Me...live..laugh..love ;-)

September 18th, 2012
2:53 pm

I think that they intended to bait him into a fight.

They did and I know for certain the remark about him being a “natural athlete” sounds like something they’ve heard other adults say and are repeating it.

Hubs was of the opinion that we should give him a one time only free pass to whoop the boys azzes

Part of me would agree…just don’t do it on school grounds and catch their a$$es by surprise…but I digress.

Poppa Grande

September 18th, 2012
2:54 pm

BF-

I heard that mess. I thought that he may win this thing until I heard a speech that he made back during the summer at Papa John’s (the pizza guy) house in Indiana. He told people that kids shouldn’t get a loan to attend college. They should borrow money from their parents. I said at that point that he is too out of touching with the condition of the people in the USA. or simply he only wants rich kids to get a college education.

Actually, it made me purchase Papa John’s pizza. I turned to the Monster Slices of Cameli’s pizza on Ponce, instead.

Blackfoote: The Real Blackfoote

September 18th, 2012
2:56 pm

Single the dude said blatantly people on welfare, food stamps, and the disabled can all vote for the President. “I don’t need their vote my concern lies with getting the Independent votes”. I thought the guy was trying to show the nation he is in touch with the little guys. He’s faking it in front of the media to snag the White House, but behind closed doors he really says what he thinks.

Poppa Grande

September 18th, 2012
3:00 pm

The one azz kicking proposal does have some grounds.

I had an experience where is kick a dude tail when I was in the 3rd grade and the dude was in the 6th grade. He jumped me when I got of the school bus. I grabbed some dirt and thew it in his eyes. The it was the Poppa G show. I damage his face so bad that his nose has remained crooked even when I last saw him. Word definitely got around that I kicked that tail. I never had an off football field fight again.

Oh, the reason for the fight: He wanted to show me my place by telling me to sit in the back of the schoolbus. It was 1983 and Clayton County was integrated.

A good legend of an azzkickin’ can help.

Blackfoote: The Real Blackfoote

September 18th, 2012
3:02 pm

Poppa G I was floored to hear what he said and I now know for sure he aint making it to the White House.

Enjoy your evening folks will be in touch again.

disco

September 18th, 2012
3:02 pm

BF – re your comment re romney’s comments how come I spoke with a family member today at lunch. we were laughing about the fact that her mom buys stamps from folks and said she was trying to fill her freezer up just in case Romney wins and all of a sudden there is a food stamp shortage.

sassy – growing up we sho nuff knew that once you crossed the street after school the teachers couldn’t say anything to you. It was on and popping.

Comon Cents

September 18th, 2012
3:06 pm

C~ I thought about the united front, but I also thought about the “momma’s boy” and “snitch” comments. I feel as though I am treading on a very shaky patch of ice right now and I know that my son is looking at me for the correct way to handle it.

Sassy~ The sneaking up and fighting them off campus problem is that we never see these kids outside of school. I don’t associate with their parents and he has friends from the neighborhood that he went to public school with that he hangs out with when he is home.

It should be duly noted that these kids are benchwarmers. My father think that it is just plain outright jealousy that he is better than they are and therefore, they need an excuse WHY he is better than them so they go to race. And you are right, Sassy, that is probably something they heard at home.

ITL~ While that is the message I would love to send, I guess that is why I am waiting for the meetin gon Thursday. I want to make sure that the school is willing to send the SAME message I am sending.

Sassy Me...live..laugh..love ;-)

September 18th, 2012
3:08 pm

once you crossed the street after school the teachers couldn’t say anything to you. It was on and popping.

Damned sure couldn’t…that a$$ is grass buddy!!

Celisea

September 18th, 2012
3:09 pm

CC – Bump that…lol Let them take it any way they want. You should be a replica of Madea sitting up in there…lololol

Mrs. SexyCool

September 18th, 2012
3:10 pm

Greetings, earthlings.

OT – I don’t know if the pressure that M felt when it came to being married was from the outside or an ideal that he saw for himself. I do know that he says that before meeting me that he had begun to think he may be single for life.

Into the Light

September 18th, 2012
3:11 pm

@CC: If the school is not willing to send that message, then I would question your son attending school there. Period.

Into the Light

September 18th, 2012
3:12 pm

Damned sure couldn’t…that a$$ is grass buddy!!

…..and CC’s son is the lawnmower!!! :lol: :lol:

Did y’all ever say that growing up? Guys I went to school with would say it all the time. That and the “I’ll cut you down so low…..” jokes.

Sassy Me...live..laugh..love ;-)

September 18th, 2012
3:14 pm

I feel as though I am treading on a very shaky patch of ice right now and I know that my son is looking at me for the correct way to handle it.

Just as someone’s already posted you,the hubs and your son need to present a united front(I’m sure you will,though). Those bench warmers are jealous and were indeed trying to make him angry enough to fight and possibly get expelled/taken off the basketball team.

And quite frankly,Comon< they may have heard that at school,too…racism is VERY institutionalized.

Comon Cents

September 18th, 2012
3:14 pm

Comon you know these folks better than we do, but do you think that his say bytch a$$ n, or just N? they may have said the naturally talented part though.

Not sure what you are asking me… :lol:

Sassy Me...live..laugh..love ;-)

September 18th, 2012
3:16 pm

before meeting me that he had begun to think he may be single for life.

Congrats Mrs.!!

Into the Light

September 18th, 2012
3:16 pm

Heeeeey, Mrs. SexyCool! Congrats on the nuptials. :) I hope your special day was all the two of you dreamed it would be.

Comon Cents

September 18th, 2012
3:18 pm

ITL~ Yes, I have considered removing him from the school, but the issue then becomes that he has always been raised in environments where he was one of a few blacks. If I put him in a predominately black school then he will be “Uncle Tom” or “Oreo” or “You talk like you’re white” (Which is my pet peeve, coincidentally) and any other school I choose that is predominately white will most likely have the same issues. TBH, there are no racially balanced (at least moreso than we have now) schools that are even close to our area. We live in the East Cobb/Roswell area. (Hint hint. If anyone knows of a more balanced school in the area, please let me know)

Comon Cents

September 18th, 2012
3:20 pm

“I’ll cut you down so low…”

You’ll be able to smell grasshopper farts

Sassy Me...live..laugh..love ;-)

September 18th, 2012
3:29 pm

Taffer

September 18th, 2012
3:31 pm

I have always wondered why people around ones self have any business with your relationship status. The last thing I care about is what people think of me, they can think of me worse than dog poop, more power to them, but it will be funny if said person were to ever ask me for a favor. It’s kind of like nosey neighbors that feel they have a God given right to know your business especially when your neighborhood is NOT a HOA (cough cough Control freak Nazi’s) and you are doing nothing illegal or harmful to anyone, but there nose is predominately pressed against your colon. So please, someone, explain to why people feel that your business is there business???

Single and Happier "Life Happens!"

September 18th, 2012
3:34 pm

Comon that was supposed to be do you think those kids parents would use the term bytch a$$ n as opposed to those Ns

Into the Light

September 18th, 2012
3:36 pm

I’ll cut you down so low…..
….you could commit suicide by jumping off a dime.