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Do men feel pressure to marry?

I don’t know what its like to be single and male, but I can tell you being single and female definitely comes with pressure. The older you get *cough* the more people look at you and start to comment on why you aren’t married, how to fix it, and telling you that you have something left to do in life.

I have never heard of any of my guy friends talk of the same kinds of pressure to be someone’s husband, though. Some of them comment about feeling the need or pressure to have kids, but not necessarily with a wife. Do men feel pressure from family, friends, or even society to get married?

Do you think that there are actual marriages that are a result of “pressure” from everyone else to be married? How do you think that impacts the health of the marriage?

Would you consider dating and marrying someone simply because you feel you should be dating and marrying?

Happy Monday!

By Wise Diva, Misadventures in Atlanta Dating Blog

390 comments Add your comment

Single and Happier "Life Happens!"

September 18th, 2012
7:10 am

Yes people do tell you that you should get married, especially when they find out you’ve never been married. But the key to answering that question and not feeling pressure is to ask yourself, are you living your life for you, or others?

Lily

September 18th, 2012
7:33 am

I don’t operate under pressure or live worrying about what others think,. Unless they’re going to step in my shoes, living my life for me then no, they won’t have a say. Live your own life and to the fullest.

Blackfoote: The Real Blackfoote

September 18th, 2012
7:48 am

20 years after a divorce it’s safe to assume I’ve felt no pressure to re-marry. I’ll never say never but if I don’t I’ll live and let die.

Good Morning:

Blackfoote: The Real Blackfoote

September 18th, 2012
8:01 am

I’m sure shot gun weddings still exist in the hills of the Apalachian mountains and else where here in the states. Royals around the world are notorious for setting up marriages for blue blood. Egyptians were consistantly under pressure to marry their brother or sister to maintain divine true blood. It’s not as bad as we think we have a different cultural understanding.

Lady~sharpness is > than smartness

September 18th, 2012
8:20 am

Exiled!

September 18th, 2012
8:23 am

Yes All people,men and women,feel pressure especially when they have never been married.

Getting married is the natural inclination for most normal people. And by normal I mean hetero!

You always look at a man in a kinda way if he has Never been married and in his late 40s.
And most women want to get married,they just can’t find suitable partners or they haven’t mastered.
the art of closing the deal.

Most women can’t cook which is a wholenuther issue here. They just wanna be married but don’t understand that getting married means taking care of hubby. The way to a man is through the stomach! I said ‘through’ the stomach coz that leads to other things. Follow me? :lol:

A woman who masters whatimtalkingbout will Never have a ‘Diva condition’. Will never face the pressure.

Diva condition= getting old and living alone,lonely ,never been proposed to.

Hey MIA!

Exiled!

September 18th, 2012
8:25 am

Most women can’t cook

correction

Some women can’t cook!

LeeH1

September 18th, 2012
8:44 am

Jane Austen said it neatly in Pride and Prejudice: “IT is a truth universally acknowledged, that a single man in possession of a good fortune must be in want of a wife.” Women have been manipulating single men for generations in order to get them married and off the market. The pressure on men to marry is there, and it is not subtle nor kind.

From the male side, especially in the south, there is also that subtle pressure to have sons and keep the family name going for another generation. A family with all girls but only one boy is especially prone on having that one son marry quickly and have sons himself, so the family name will continue.

And recently, in talking to my younger male relatives, there is more of this “find a rich girl” pressure. Since so many women are out there with professions and good incomes, it will certainly help the family to find one. In the past, we looked for women with a father and large land holdings. Now we look for girls with either a profession or a trust fund. No woman with a million dollars is homely or undesirable.

It used to be that men could remain single past thirty. Now you are either looked upon as being gay, or possibly a pedaphile. If you are either one, the pressure is on for those men to get married quickly so other people whon’t discover the truth.

Finally, the worst pressure is on an only child (of either sex) with a single mother is to marry while young and settle down. Preferably close by to Mom.

HST

September 18th, 2012
8:45 am

No. I don’t fall into “Human Doctrine’s,” I could care less what “society” calls normal, and I do exactly what I want with my life.

FTR, I’ve been with the same woman for 12 years, and we’re happily unmarried. We don’t cheat, lie, or hurt each other – most of my married friends want a relationship like mine. It’s not that marriage can’t be done ‘right’ – that ‘right’ is very subjective – I just so rarely see a traditional happy marriage.

SlimUno

September 18th, 2012
8:46 am

We decided to have a blog today, great!

Celisea

September 18th, 2012
8:48 am

Morning!!!

BBL on topic

Big Al

September 18th, 2012
8:50 am

I’m a 37 year old single man and I’ve never felt pressured to be married. Half of all marriages end in divorce and the other half end in death. I oppose both divorce and death, so I’ll just stay single and happy.

Into the Light

September 18th, 2012
8:54 am

Good morning, all. Happy to see the blog is back today.

Comon Cents

September 18th, 2012
8:55 am

Slim~ Agreed! I was in withdrawal yesterday! LOL!

On topic~ I think that the pressure for people to get married is increased if they are in a relationship. Also, if you have never been married people will constantly ask when you’re going to “settle down”. Settle down= get married and conform to societal norms.

If you have been dating someone for over a year, people will constantly ask when you’re going to “make it legal”. So, yeah, I think that there is pressure to marry at certain points.

Good Morning!

Single and Happier "Life Happens!"

September 18th, 2012
9:01 am

Big Al at least you have 3 years before you are looked at funny (rotflmao)

Celisea

September 18th, 2012
9:02 am

In every arena of my life, I don’t subscribe nor cave to what others think. I’ve been proposed to but the timing wasn’t right. I could have married my kid’s dad but he didn’t have his “stuff” together. Why would I go from the frying pan to the fire (on him) “cause it was the thing to do?” I think being snubbed and pressued to get married often comes from married folks. Well we all know the majority of marriages ain’t exactly thriving. So yeah, I’ll pass on their opinions…lol

What appealed to me as a young girl is so far removed from the reality of people, how they are, how life flows. Yes marriage is appealing when there are ideal, stand-up, suitable mates. When traditional values are upheld. But just jumping in with any ole somebody just because folks think and I should and folks feel I lack without being married is ludicrous.

HST

September 18th, 2012
9:02 am

LeeH1, I am surprised idealism is so prevalent with you. I’ll admit I have some idealism about a woman, and one of them is income from college, but really, she just needs to be able to support herself.

Big Al, I hear ya. When those are the real stats – who’d want to sign up for marriage. Eventually, I think marriage will be an antiquated way of approaching life in the next decade. So many ideals being blown out of “society’s” norm that tradition will soon be subjective like religion.

Celisea

September 18th, 2012
9:07 am

God instituted marriage and I find no fault with that. I believe (and I’m no expert), things go wrong because people become selfish. I can’t see how somethng established by God, if done right, can go wrong.

Single and Happier "Life Happens!"

September 18th, 2012
9:11 am

So HST you feeling that pressure yet since you finally came up for air (LOL) Big Al forgot one stat, while 50% of marriages may end in death, 100% of lives end in death, instead of worrying about the thoughts and labels that others put on you enjoy your life by doing what’s best for you. If you don’t want children, don’t have them, if you don’t ever want to get married then don’t do it.

HST

September 18th, 2012
9:11 am

God is a belief Celisea – that’s how. Now if God is what makes you and your partner do right; then it will work out as long as y’all keep the faith. People are selfish by nature, but acting on those impulses are the difference.

SchizoFunkenstein

September 18th, 2012
9:13 am

No pressure here. I’m every man. We are all present and accounted for today!

Celisea

September 18th, 2012
9:14 am

HST – I have a right, as you, to post what I feel and believe. You do you and I’ll do me. I’m going to take a pass on the lecture and logic behind it all. I’m faith based so, I’ll pass :mrgreen:

HST

September 18th, 2012
9:21 am

Single and Happier “Life Happens!”, I’m very aware that we all die, but Big Al could be speaking figuratively; as in marriage kills you one way or another.

Single and Happier "Life Happens!"

September 18th, 2012
9:23 am

Hst the we all die part wasn’t directed at you it in general about enjoying life.

Comon Cents

September 18th, 2012
9:27 am

HST/S & H~ I think that in certain ways, marriage, while it can be a great blessing, is also a great sacrifice and therefore requires that part of you die in order for the marriage to thrive.

SchizoFunkenstein

September 18th, 2012
9:29 am

In da house!!!

HST

September 18th, 2012
9:31 am

Celisea, I am in no way saying anything that you’ve implied to be false, however, it is a belief. I’m glad that you have a belief/faith no matter what that is – “good” beliefs do make us better as a species. “You do you and I’ll do me.” I live by those words, and this is usually my sig…

“It’s not what you got, it’s how you use it;
Be anything you want to be.
It’s not what you got, its how you use it;
You be you and I’ll be me.” ~ Ray Stevens

Single and Happier "Life Happens!"

September 18th, 2012
9:32 am

Comon that’s why IMO the older you get the harder it is for you to get married and stay married, both of you are set in your ways, and have lives that you have to be willing to change, and not many of us want to do that.

Willie Dynamite

September 18th, 2012
9:34 am

Morning All,
Pressure is everywhere and all encompassing. How you react and deal with it is probably a better question. As for Marriage I never paid attention to outside pressure. The pressure was from within. Once I realized I wanted to spend the rest of my life with her the pressure disappeared.

HST

September 18th, 2012
9:38 am

CC, I agree. A relationship is checks and balances, picking your battles, compromise, and a degradation to one’s self. Yet, it’s also fulfilling, rewarding, and etc. that’s so much more than being alone, IMO. Realizing ego is bigger than one’s self is the first step to being committed to another, IMO.

SlimUno

September 18th, 2012
9:39 am

Dang, yall are some chatty catty’s I suppose because you’re backed up from no blog yesterday. lol

Poppa Grande

September 18th, 2012
9:40 am

Well put, Willie Dynamite!

Good morning, all!

SchizoFunkenstein

September 18th, 2012
9:40 am

In da house, in full effect!!

Celisea

September 18th, 2012
9:42 am

HST – Yes, no better way to live :mrgreen:

Didn’t I see Lady? Morning!
Morning Blackfoote!
What’s up WillieD!

Celisea

September 18th, 2012
9:43 am

Oh….Hey MMeello, I saw your post and had to laugh. I can cook :)

Comon Cents

September 18th, 2012
9:43 am

Once I realized I wanted to spend the rest of my life with her the pressure disappeared.

WD~ Do you think that is a harder realization for men to come to than women? My father always said women dream of being married and run towards it while men are constantly running away from it and get “caught” :lol:

Comon Cents

September 18th, 2012
9:46 am

Off Topic~ (Sorry, C) Did y’all see the game last night? The Broncos looked sloppy the first half.

And apparently Turner got a DUI after last nights game.

Willie Dynamite

September 18th, 2012
9:53 am

Pops/Cel – good morning.

Comon – I don’t know if a blanket statement would fit but I would guess that more women LOOK for marriage than Men.

Blackfoote: The Real Blackfoote

September 18th, 2012
10:00 am

Hey there Cely, I figured it out that little green man reminds me of the song “Smiling Faces”. That’s why I crack up everytime I see it.

Blackfoote: The Real Blackfoote

September 18th, 2012
10:02 am

Hey Comon did you get a call from Turner this morning…….LOL

SlimUno

September 18th, 2012
10:03 am

CC – That game was all over the place last night…I was cracking up and I also heard about Turner’s DUI last night too.

Celisea

September 18th, 2012
10:04 am

Blackfoote – I’m digging your post on not feeling pressure. IMO, “feeling pressure” is on you and what you allow. Folks can blow whistles, toot horns and yell all day, it’s on the individual whether or not they fall into such traps…lololol Yes yes, live life in a way that’s pleasing and satisfying to you.

I’d be lying if I said I’ve never thought of marriage or think of marriage but I’d be lying as well if I said I felt pressure. There are soooo many folks “stuck like chuck” because they’re unhappy. No way in the world I’m envious of that. :mrgreen: (this one is for you)

disco

September 18th, 2012
10:05 am

good morning guys.

ex – I so love it when you keep it real. either haven’t found a suitable mate or haven’t mastered the art of closing the deal. too funny.

lee – my son is an only child and the last thing I’m pressuring him to do is marry or have children in that order or any order. lol. folks are always asking me if I’m looking forward to grandchildren and I’m always looking at folks with the side eye.

celisea – your comment sounded like “misery loves company”. lol. all married folks aren’t as happy as they make out so they are trying to get folks to join the ranks. I’ve made a similar comment re “the joys of parenthood”. folks with kids try to bamboozle their childless friends into joining the ranks.

Celisea

September 18th, 2012
10:06 am

When I say think of marriage, I don’t mean jonesing or yearning. I mean “think on it”…and that’s all….lol

Comon Cents

September 18th, 2012
10:07 am

BF~ I wish I had gotten that call this morning. Alas, I know who got it and it wasn’t me. :(

Celisea

September 18th, 2012
10:08 am

disco – It’s only those married folks that will snub you but fighting like cats and dogs Willie Earl was caught talking to Sambooka at the club for folks over 40…lol I’m just saying. If it ain’t bliss or near heaven, don’t be tryna get my buy-in…lolololol

czBrat ♀

September 18th, 2012
10:11 am

really? ages away from the blog and this is the topic i come back to? just ugh!

hey, good people! missed yas. :) now lemme catch up and join the fray.

Celisea

September 18th, 2012
10:13 am

Speaking of children, I have another grand nephew or niece on the way. Oh, and I was coloring with the (now) 3 y.o. last night :) He was showing me the nick on his ear, done by daddy while getting his hair cut. Mmmmm, him shooo shweet :mrgreen:

Poppa Grande

September 18th, 2012
10:15 am

CC-

1) Boys don’t usually spend our lives dreaming of weddings and such. We are taught to play more ball, war, and such than worrying about getting married. We think of getting the honeypot around the teen years, but not much about getting hitched.Then, in real life, girlie want him to tag her like cattle as his woman.If he hasn’t given it much thought, it can more of as pressure.

2) I saw the game (actually there), I learned what makes a football game very long….replacement refs that don’t know what they are seeing or don’t know the rules. They could no control the game during that long first half.

3. As for Turner, I don’t know the exact charge…I’ve heard DUI and I heard suspicion of DUI because he refused to take the breathalyzer. I haven’t seen any breathalyzer test results anywhere. So, I am truly not sure what he was booked in for other than speeding. Falcons are playing his old team this week (San Diego)

Jake-Colt 45 "It Works Every Time"

September 18th, 2012
10:18 am

What up…

Yep, I got married because I got caught, I got caught because I fell in love, I fell in love because she was special, she was special because life without her wouldn’t be the same!!