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At home dinner dates?

My friend Jeff was offended that a woman he asked over to his house for a first date declined his offer. She has known him for months but they only started dating a couple of weeks ago. She told him she was not comfortable having a date at his house.

I can understand why she feels that way. When you invite someone over to your house, it sets things up for a certain level of intimacy. For a lot of women, we have to work up to that point. Not everyone is itching to going all domestic and nestling during those house dates.

Jeff thinks she just wants him to spend money on her and take her out. I’m sure that’s possible, but I would argue that this lady just knows what she wants and is fine with waiting to the appropriate time to go to a man’s house. Should she be penalized for that? Cut her some slack!

What do you think? When is the right time to invite someone over to your house? When someone asks you to a “at home” date, does that mean they are in to you? Does it always mean they are going to try and make a move towards physical intimacy?

By Wise Diva, Misadventures in Atlanta Dating Blog

224 comments Add your comment

Lily

September 12th, 2012
7:04 am

I don’t know calendar wise or the exact number of dates where it becomes okay, as I assume its lays to each woman’s level of comfort, but date one is certainly not the time. I’m sorry if you’re offended or assumptions run rampant.

Single and Happier "Life Happens!"

September 12th, 2012
7:21 am

Morning, Okayhe’s known her for months, started dating a couple of weeks ago, and they are just going out on their first date?? UMMM okay. where dey do that at (LOL)

The right time is when BOTH of you feel comfortable with it.

SlimUno

September 12th, 2012
7:57 am

Well just as he thinks she just wants him to spend his money on her, she could very well feel like he just wants her in his lions den in hopes to get increase the chance of getting some of her puddy. They can have a date outside of the house that does not require a lot of money to be spent. He could take the same food or whatever he was going to have for them at the house and turn it into a picnic, then a walk around the park or something….ride bikes, feed the ducks, go out for an icecream date. He is starting off out of the gate with a fighting attitude if you ask me.

Annnnnddddd Good morning gang!

Exiled!

September 12th, 2012
8:25 am

Has Jeff even kissed the chic yet,feeling her nips and tatas with his hard hand as he does so….that’s the thermometer you use to elevate the home date invite.

Jeff’s whining to Diva suggests he ain’t smooth with it. :lol:

When you play it well,and look intensely in her eyes as you extend the invitation to cook her dinner at your crib,her smile and amorous look will tell indicate to you it’s going down’ as she nods in agreement.

Tell Jeff how to play the game Diva! :lol:

Morning MIA!

Exiled!

September 12th, 2012
8:29 am

So Slim,when is your bow legged, bellied boss taking you to vacation,I
mean outta state workation? :lol:

Bluzgirl

September 12th, 2012
8:59 am

I don’t understand why he would be so offended that she turned it down on the first date. The first date is not the time for an at home dinner date. That should be saved for when you’re comfortable with each other and possibly if you are ready to head to bed together. Once in a relationship, I see no problem with at home dates if he can cook! :-)

disco

September 12th, 2012
8:59 am

good morning.

S/H – re where they do that at. I do believe I’ve mentioned that I know folks who have kids together who have yet to go out on their first date. lol.

on topic – I’m not checking for an in-house date right out the gate. that reeks of game to me. I’m not even going to call dude cheap. just going to say he’s running game. setting the bar low. reducing her expectations from the giddy up.

LeeH1

September 12th, 2012
9:01 am

If a woman senses a control issue, it is better not to go to the man’s house on the first date, nor have a second date. If she senses the man wants the power of his own turf, then he wants her to be at a disadvantage.

On the other hand, if she senses he wants to be open and showing off his pride and home, it can be a welcoming thing. Depends upon the people and the situation.

But whatever, the woman should drive ehrself to the date, and have a way to leave on her own.

Celisea

September 12th, 2012
9:05 am

Morning,

For me personally, I don’t think an “at home” date, the first date is appropriate. It doesn’t matter that they knew one another prior to dating. I would think placing a person in an environment not comfortable would be considered. Let’s say his intentions are innocent and let’s say her intent is not to make him dole out cash. On a first day, there some be some sort of medium or compromise. And I guess for me, a given that I’m not coming to your place. I wouldn’t think a man would be offended if I opt to pass and ask can we “meet” somewhere. I would hope not. Of course I could be wrong. Seems like this could very well be doomed before getting started.

Mmeello – You’re a riot man…seriously…lol

We have continental breakfast in the lobby every other Wednesday. The cinnamon bun tastes like it could have baked a little longer.

Celisea

September 12th, 2012
9:07 am

Smells like game to me as well

Lady~favor ain't fair! :-)

September 12th, 2012
9:22 am

Morning Crew!

What is good C?!?

disco

September 12th, 2012
9:24 am

ex – re your comment on elevating the home date invite. there will always be chicks that will immediately jump to the home date whether they are the invitee or the inviter. personally, I think a lot of those are the ones that are just so anxious to be with someone, up under someone, that they expedite the whole process. or to use a formerly overused blog term – they are thirsty. lol. a lot of folks do things on super speedy time tales. have folks up under their kids immediately, are bringing folks home to meet the parents immediately, are moving in with each other immediately. it takes all kinds.

btw – where y’all at? i need y’all today.

Blackfoote: The Real Blackfoote

September 12th, 2012
9:29 am

Jeff shouldn’t be offended he should know women don’t come to your house to date until after a couple of dates. It’s likely some women would jump at it but it depends on the lady and how she feels the relationship is headed. After a few times out together somebody is going to make the suggestion to cook for the other. To ask for the very first date to be a home date sends many signals that you don’t want and may not be true. It would be best to let her come to you when she feels it.

Good Morning:

Celisea

September 12th, 2012
9:39 am

Lady – What’s crackalackin! I’m good this morning. Been tweaking my sister’s resume :)

Heeeey there Blackfoote, how goes it?

Celisea

September 12th, 2012
9:40 am

Jeff shouldn’t be offended he should know women don’t come to your house to date until after a couple of dates

When I read the intial post, my thoughts were: he knows better But, I can bet, if he pokes around long enough, he’ll find a taker.

Celisea

September 12th, 2012
9:41 am

When I read the post intially…..

Blackfoote: The Real Blackfoote

September 12th, 2012
9:42 am

Hey there Cely, it goes good over here hope it’s the same for you.

Celisea

September 12th, 2012
9:44 am

Blackfoote – I’m well this morning, thanks :)

Celisea

September 12th, 2012
9:47 am

Y’all know how I bragged and posted the menu out here for the Orient Express? Well, I was talking to friend this weekend, a electrian who did work there about a week ago. Said they had BUGS galore….ugggggh, that the food was in buckets ON THE FLOOR and just a plain nasty mess in the kitchen!!! He was telling me because we both frequent the place. I like the Chinese cuisine and he loves the Hibachi side.

WE BOTH SWORE OFF THE PLACE FROM NOW ON….UGGGGH AND EWWWW. I have a good mind to call the Health Department.

Celisea

September 12th, 2012
9:54 am

I have a golf tournament to attend next month (insert blank stare here) :oops: I CAN’T HIT A LICK OF GOLF.

Blackfoote: The Real Blackfoote

September 12th, 2012
9:56 am

“the food was in buckets ON THE FLOOR”

Cely where are they located? That’s all I need to know I don’t do Chinese much but just in case a friend tell me they are going I can give them another option.

Celisea

September 12th, 2012
9:58 am

Blackfoote – Down in “booghee” Vinings….just nasty

Poppa Grande

September 12th, 2012
10:01 am

Good Morning, all

Topic: I cosign the notion that both parties should be comfortable on the first date. I’m not sure from the information given that he was trying to lay game. However, he shouldn’t be whiny regardless because it is her right to have her antenna up for protection.

Celisea: I have sworn off so many places since the state now posts the health scores online. I used to love the pizza place near the corner of Peactree Street and 17th. Then I read a health score of 68. I haven’t been back since. I occasionally have been in the area with it being close to Mr. Heturnedmywreckintoacheck’s office being near that intersection.

Blackfoote: The Real Blackfoote

September 12th, 2012
10:02 am

Wow in Vinings unbeleivable.

Celisea

September 12th, 2012
10:06 am

Blackfoote – Yep, my mouth was hanging open. I was there not too long ago….just ugggh

PG – The rating to his recollection was 98…lol PREPOSTEROUS!!!!! Typically, I’m looking for 95 or better…lol

Bluzgirl

September 12th, 2012
10:06 am

Cel – my best friend is in pest control and has told me to stay away from all Chinese restaurants because they are all nasty. I can’t stay away from them all, but I do check their scores…

Single and Happier "Life Happens!"

September 12th, 2012
10:07 am

Disco, those folks that have kids together, probably don’t call themselves dating either. (LOL)

Celisea

September 12th, 2012
10:08 am

Bluzygirl – That was the only place I would eat Chinese. I use to do Mulans until something in my rice looked funny. Haven’t been back since.

Celisea

September 12th, 2012
10:09 am

He said the back door was just hanging open all willy nilly. Can you just see a fly landing on the raw meat? Just a case of the “sick” waiting to happen.

Bluzgirl

September 12th, 2012
10:11 am

Ugh Cel! You’re making me nauseaus this morning! LOL

disco

September 12th, 2012
10:11 am

PG – health scores aren’t required to be displayed in establishments there? I ask because around these parts when you walk in a restaurant, go through a drive through, the score is right there for all to see. plus, the top and bottom scores of the week are listed in the newspaper.

S/H – you know my point. some folks are screwing but not dating. lol.

Celisea

September 12th, 2012
10:11 am

On topic: I can recall only once, a dude making mention of “home dates.” This was the young cat that I regretfully gave my number to. When he called and started talking about mostly “chilling at the crib” and watching the game, he was on block from that moment. Of course the phone I had then would allow me to block individual numbers so I would bump his calls every time he called. He got the hint eventually.

All that is, is free booty. Ain’t gotta do nothing but lay on it. Nuh uh.

Willie Dynamite

September 12th, 2012
10:13 am

Morning All,
Topic- Jeff offended, really?

Side Topic – The AJC use to post scores,dates etc for all food inspections by county. I’m sure you can research rather easily.

Celisea

September 12th, 2012
10:13 am

My bad…lol

Celisea

September 12th, 2012
10:13 am

Restaurants are required to have the scores visibly posted. That’s the first thing I look for.

Single and Happier "Life Happens!"

September 12th, 2012
10:15 am

Disco, I know but I was just trying to figure out how you know someone a couple of months, have dating for couple of weeks, and never went out on a date. If they had already did the horizontal samba, coming over his house for dinner shouldn’t be a problem (LOL) IJS

Poppa Grande

September 12th, 2012
10:16 am

Yeah, health score are required there. However, the 90+ score was posted. It was the “second” chance score. I hear that they get time to correct the violations and problems. I hear that many of the ones posted in the restaurants are the ’second” chance ones. I’ve been told that many of the online ones are up to date. If they get a second chance, they sometimes don’t change the posting until after the second chance. The second chance is usually within a week or two of the first inspection. To me, you should have a 90+ score if you know that the inspector is coming. Many times the first inspection is the one where they didn’t know they were going to be inspected. So, how long after the 90+ grade are they going back to the old ways?

Exiled!

September 12th, 2012
10:17 am

Celisea..I don’t have ur email saved on my Iphcberry..I read something u wrote yesterday after some was said yesterday and thought errbody missed ur point…u gone laugh.. :lol:

Celisea

September 12th, 2012
10:18 am

MMeello – You want my addy?

Celisea

September 12th, 2012
10:19 am

I think I still have yours…one sec

Poppa Grande

September 12th, 2012
10:19 am

Eariler this year, there was a place in the food court at Lenox that scored a 29. On chance number 2, they scored 57, and then finally on chance number 3 they scored 89. This place’s score was so bad that it was on the news.

disco

September 12th, 2012
10:20 am

S/H – now that’s true. if you are already getting it in you might as well go get your grub on too.

re nasty food topics – not that this really applies – but some years ago when my son was still small a friend visiting told me they didn’t drink things that kids made. (i.e. koolaid). at the time I thought it was funny and joked that kids make the best koolaid and the best grilled cheese sandwiches. now that I’m living a relatively kid free life I don’t want to drink anything the kids make either.

Celisea

September 12th, 2012
10:22 am

The Waffle House dude taught me something. Ask for “hot” water when dining out. You can place your silverware in that before eating. That will sterilize.

Celisea

September 12th, 2012
10:24 am

MMeello – Found it…mail call

Dang, I deleted one email addy completely off my phone and I still have to go through a gang of stuff. I think I’ll clean my phone tonight. How about I have a memory card (duh…didn’t realize) on my phone but I can’t figure out how to move stuff there.

Willie Dynamite

September 12th, 2012
10:40 am

Cel – on the surface using water to sterilize utensils sounds like a good idea. Be careful tho because just warm/hot water will only create a breeding ground. If you are doing that make sure the water is scalding hot as close to boiling as possible. Most restaurants are gonna give you water that hot.

For those of you squeamish about your food i recommend you take a food safety course. You will learn a lot.

Willie Dynamite

September 12th, 2012
10:44 am

Are NOT gonna give you

Celisea

September 12th, 2012
10:45 am

WillieD – Yep absolutely. I ask for water from the coffee dispenser. I don’t want hydrant water. That was everywhere I went on vacation…lol “Would you mind giving me a glass of hot water from your coffee dispenser?” But yeah, I agree.

Celisea

September 12th, 2012
10:46 am

I figure that’s about as close to “boiled” water I’m going to get. I don’t think any establishment would be willing to boil water for me…lololol

disco

September 12th, 2012
10:46 am

willie d – glad I’m not one of the folks who is squeamish about food. I’m not generally the one that will say such and such makes me lose my appetite. if I’m eating and a person is being bludgeoned to death next to me I might just twist around a bit so as not to get blood/hair on my food. lol.

o/t – I’ve been monitoring tickets to brazil. price is down from $1800 to $1300. I don’t want to bite yet though.

Single and Happier "Life Happens!"

September 12th, 2012
10:51 am

Disco, what part of Brazil you going too?