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Dating: Rejection and big egos

Have you ever been out somewhere, minding your own business, and you get approached – when you really don’t want to be? Things can get kind of awkward but it only gets worse when someone’s massive ego gets bruised and they can’t handle it.

In the last few days, I have heard disturbing stories of people completely losing their cool when they get turned down. It’s like they go from sweet talk to rage speak in sixty seconds! Whatever happened to bowing out gracefully or going away quietly?

Of course, letting someone down should be done in a gentle manner, but why do you think some people don’t just move on? What do you do if things escalate?

What is the best way to say you are not interested in someone?

By Wise Diva, Misadventures in Atlanta Dating Blog

390 comments Add your comment

Lily

September 11th, 2012
7:12 am

The best way? All you can offer is, NOT INTERESTED! A man wanting closure or an understanding IS ABSOLUTELY THE WORST. Somehow, it doesn’t wear as well as a woman needing closure. Please move on.

Single and Happier "Life Happens!"

September 11th, 2012
7:13 am

If someone has an ego problem, there is no best way. If they can’t handle rejection, there is nothing you can do to make it easy for them.

Lily

September 11th, 2012
7:20 am

Everyone experiences rejection at some point. How you deal and handle shows how well you cope. Grace and class makes the release much easier.

Good day!

Single and Happier "Life Happens!"

September 11th, 2012
7:26 am

if grace and class made it easier, then you wouldn’t need closure. The only way to get real “closure” from any situation is to move on with your life.

Blackfoote: The Real Blackfoote

September 11th, 2012
7:27 am

Egos are rampant, people should live better lives.

Lily puts it in his ear and Single adds clarity.

Good Morning:

Blackfoote: The Real Blackfoote

September 11th, 2012
7:33 am

Single some folks can’t take/handle no as an answer. When you give them a firm no it triggers something that causes them to react irresponsibly.

Lily

September 11th, 2012
7:46 am

Grace and class is not needed exclusively for relationships, closure, etc. If you have, you have it. And possessing such will guide you, no mater the situation. Yes, you do need it to guide you for gracefully moving on. Otherwise, you’re likely to be a BOOB about it.

Exiled!

September 11th, 2012
8:17 am

As much as it is going to be a man bashing contest today,given the tilt of the topic,it’s actually harder to bench a chic when a guy wants to move on!

Chics will want to stuck to you like a poisnous leach,wanting explanations and what not when All u want is to move on. It can be stressful.

Nevernind the slash tires and break windows brigade! :lol: I tell ya!

U want to dwell on a guy that gives u grief for two minutes? Go ahead!

But think about the heifer that won’t move on after you tell them its over. She is going to call u..wait for u at ur crib,knock on ur for ko ko ko ko louder..ring ur bell until the battery dies..tell All ur friends about it to corral support for herself…u name it!

That…DIVA..is the real big nightmare and headache and elephant in the blogsville that u dont wana address! :lol:

Hey MIA!

Exiled!

September 11th, 2012
8:25 am

Gents,when u let a woman’s tender hands wipe u with a warm rag,u unwittingly and unknowingly sign away certain rights and accord her the privilege to stand in ya face and demand Closure…after u bench her.

I tell ya! :lol:

(reminds me of the grandpa/grandson, back in the day commercial)

Women…? We luv them but…

I tell ya!

Lily

September 11th, 2012
8:27 am

@Exiled, agreed. But c’mon, a man hanging on your ankles and serving repeated attempts to “understand” makes a woman want to push him over a cliff.

Exiled!

September 11th, 2012
8:40 am

Lily,just smile and give him a wrong number :lol:

Now that man better not approach u when u urself have been given ur marching orders and are planning a stalk or slash some tires fest. :lol:

That’s a man walking into the embers of hell…

Woo the tongue lashing he’s gon get! :lol:

Lily

September 11th, 2012
8:46 am

LOL @ Exiled. I have too much pride to grovel.

Make it a great day!

Lady~favor ain't fair! :-)

September 11th, 2012
8:48 am

Morning Lovelies~ Interesting topic to say the least. I am finding the ones I though were secure with theirs could really handle a let down but discovering crazy doesn’t discriminate……Its many men and woman who simply can’t handle “I am NOT interested” go figure~ chuckle! An interesting day awaits!!!! ;)

SlimUno

September 11th, 2012
8:51 am

Good morning,

If some dude approaches me (stranger) and I tell him i’m not interested, what the hell kind of closure am I supposed to be giving him exactly? I could see if we had been hanging out for a while or something. That automatically makes me think of them being cuckoo.

As much as it is going to be a man bashing contest today,given the tilt of the topic,it’s actually harder to bench a chic when a guy wants to move on!

Chics will want to stuck to you like a poisnous leach,wanting explanations and what not when All u want is to move on

If you know you really aren’t feeling a chick but yet has been chilling with her, plunging her punani and what not, then yeah she’s going to want to know what happened/changed. The best way to avoid said situation is to not get involved in any shape, form or fashion that resembles you being into her, at all. If you like her as a friend, then your ACTIONS should mimick one of FRIENDSHIP…not Fugging Friends, not CUTbuddies, not a faux-relationship. Folks always talk about how women are so emotional, can’t handle a fugg buddy courtship because we always want more…well take that same ideal and keep your wang to yourself or go fugg another dude who CAN be emotionally detached all for the sake of a good fugg session.

disco

September 11th, 2012
8:54 am

good morning.

ex – the thing is that this is one of those double standards that leans in a woman’s favor. no it’s not a good look for a woman to be clingy and not know how to let go but it’s an even worse look when a man is clingy and doesn’t know how to let go.

lily – re hanging on to ankles. lol. I remember one of my uncle’s baby momma’s used to hide his shoes or keys or whatever to try to keep him from leaving her house.

Blackfoote: The Real Blackfoote

September 11th, 2012
8:54 am

Firt airplane strike WTC 1 /North Tower at 8:46 am eleven years ago today. Paying homage to the people of NYC.

Celisea

September 11th, 2012
8:59 am

Morning,

I agree with Lily (and caracked up), I agree with Lady’s –> crazy doesn’t discriminate and all of Slim’s post.

Both men and women alike are dished a heaping of rejection and both men and women alike should know how to handle. It’s one thing if we chatted it up, maybe hung out a time or two, feeling our way and it’s a no go. If you can’t get over that, your crazies are peeking out. I agree, it’s another thing to “act” like you’re in a relationship, consummate, spend time together and then when you’re (man or woman), you get ghost. No, no one owes anyone anything but don’t act surprised if s/he’s hiding in the bushes waiting for you. YOU BROUGHT IT ON YOURSELF….lololol

I say be respectful and give the person their walking papers, at least. Don’t use people like receptacles and think your actions are okay. Be decent and wo/man up and say the needful.

Celisea

September 11th, 2012
9:01 am

And yes, man clingon is a much worse show than woman clingon….IJS

Single and Happier "Life Happens!"

September 11th, 2012
9:02 am

Black, you know we grew up in an era where rejection was learned early on in life, if you weren’t good enough you didn’t make the team, if you failed at school it was your fault. It taught us two things, if we want to get better at life we had to try harder, and the rejection from one thing wasn’t the end of the world. Now people are so used to making the team, or if it’s not right it’s not their fault. Thus whether it’s a firm no, or a subtle no, most of the time you will probably get the same reaction from someone who just can’t handle it.

Ex those are the chics that need that “closure”, and no matter what you tell them, until you tell them what they want to hear, they will never get it. And most of the time they don’t even know what they want to hear.

Single and Happier "Life Happens!"

September 11th, 2012
9:04 am

Ex, when you give him the wrong number, and hope you don’t ever see that fool again.

Blackfoote: The Real Blackfoote

September 11th, 2012
9:07 am

9:03 the second attack happens to South Tower.

Celisea

September 11th, 2012
9:11 am

Mmeello – when u urself have been given ur marching orders and are planning a stalk or slash some tires fest. That’s a man walking into the embers of hell

LOLOLOLOLOL….boy stop

Blackfoote: The Real Blackfoote

September 11th, 2012
9:19 am

Single you’re dead on, rejection is a learning curve. You handle it or break down and beleive you can’t go on any further.

Celisea

September 11th, 2012
9:19 am

Hey there Blackfoote! How was your looooong weekend?

Celisea

September 11th, 2012
9:22 am

What about the reverse? Meaning, people with huge egos often misread. Ever see the dude or chick that thinks EVERYONE is hitting on them?? That believes every effort is to hookup and connect? I can bet my next check they believe they’ve let down a plethora of folks and really, that ain’t the kind of party that was happening.

Exiled!

September 11th, 2012
9:22 am

So ladies,even when no exclusive talk has been said,just sharing and luving our mutual nethers to u means we moving towards exclusivity?
U still wanna slash some tires?

I don’t get it….
See…so how is a man going get some without actually soliciting for a whre…..

Hey Cee/Slim!

I was reading yesterday’s blog and Leggs has a neughbor who had a boyfriend for 11 years!

I tell ya! :lol:

Celisea

September 11th, 2012
9:23 am

Heeeeeey there Mmeello, how goes it? You are bound to get a laugh out of me when you show up…lol A funny man, I tell ya :)

Blackfoote: The Real Blackfoote

September 11th, 2012
9:25 am

Hey there Cely I done a little work around the house. Slept like a bear at times, watched plenty of football.

Celisea

September 11th, 2012
9:25 am

Mmeello – To your 9:22….Call me old and old fashion, I’m not moving or acting on assumptions. I’ve been an advocate of “grown” folks not needing to necessarily have “the talk.” Even so and still, things will be crystal clear. I don’t think all men are cut from the cloth where you better state everything specifically but just to be safe, make sure you have someone that won’t flip the script and play it out like a 25 year old on a scavenger hunt…lol

Celisea

September 11th, 2012
9:26 am

Blackfoote – Good for you. A little R and R don’t hurt nobody.

Blackfoote: The Real Blackfoote

September 11th, 2012
9:32 am

Cely yeah I’ve seen people that thinks everybody loves and want them and the only thing they have to do is be present. Their ego believes the opposite sex is a hunger game.

Celisea

September 11th, 2012
9:42 am

Blackfoote – Exactly. Nothing but a game.

I can remember having gfs that would swear a dude off all the while whistling Dixie “as if” (lol), but busy planning payback and getback. IMO, that only meant that person still wasnt “over it.” If you find yourself having thoughts of wanting to put sugar in his/her tank, badmouthing him/her to your boys or gfs, making attempts to bring the person down or attempts to make him/her look bad, you ain’t over it…lol Unless you’ve totally taken your hands all the way off, whether concealed or not, you’re still hanging on. Letting go means letting go…all the way.

Comon Cents

September 11th, 2012
9:42 am

plunging her punani :lol: :lol:

Whoo! Had to get that out the way first. Slim got me laughing this morning.

On Topic~ Women usually become slingers AFTER there is a relationship/FWB/etc. That is a different kind of rejection. It seems to me that MIA is talking about that “He approaches you in a bar and you’re not interested so you give him the brush off and he goes atomic”. I saw this happen at Freaknic of ‘93 witha well known rapper at the time. It is NOT a good look. And generally, it tends to be men that want to trash you when you don’t field their passes. Women move on. IJS…

Comon Cents

September 11th, 2012
9:44 am

You all know the dude I’m talking about. He tries to holla and when he gets shot down he says “Well, you ain’t all that anyway!” That’s that moment when you’re like :shock: I didn’t say I was; you the one trying to holla… :lol: :lol:

Into the Light

September 11th, 2012
9:47 am

Morning, all

@BF: Seeing your posts re: the towers takes me back to those moments. I remember I was at my desk and a co-worker came by and said, “My wife just called and said an airplane hit the World Trade Center.” I remember thinking he meant a “Cessna” type plane. Then, he came running down the hall, “It just happened again!” and we went in search of a TV. I remember sitting on the floor, watching the coverage and just crying….I could not wrap my mind around this happening in America.

Lady~favor ain't fair! :-)

September 11th, 2012
9:49 am

I don’t think all men are cut from the cloth where you better state everything specifically but just to be safe, make sure you have someone that won’t flip the script and play it out like a 25 year old on a scavenger hunt…lol<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<Worth repeating sis~ Good Post C~

Celisea

September 11th, 2012
9:50 am

Lady – Exactly. Happens everyday in the world somewhere.

SlimUno

September 11th, 2012
9:51 am

CC – If you think about the mechanics of it all, it sort of is like plunging the coo chie canal. Just like when you plunge a toilet, you’re trying to unclog that thang. The only difference is that you hope you don’t get a lot of sh!t out of it :lol: And a lot of those crazy rejection episodes went on during Freaknic.

Dude leaning on car and a fione azz chick walks by, bootay hanging out: Pssssty shawty!! lemme holla at cha. You da best thang out herrr. Bootiful eyes n sh!t.

Chick: :roll: Whatever ninja, you got that lil azz herring bone on and them Buck Taylors on, so I know you ain’t got no cheese.

Dude: Well fugg you den you skan ky azz biya. That why your booty black as heyal and you bunions hangin’ over yo dayumn shoes! Stank azz h0 e!

Single and Happier "Life Happens!"

September 11th, 2012
9:54 am

Slim was that you, I’m sorry (rotflmao)

Leggs

September 11th, 2012
10:00 am

Good morning.

SlimUno ~ first paragraph of your 8:51 is exactly how I feel.

Ex ~ yep, they’ve been living together for 9 of the 11 years.

SlimUno

September 11th, 2012
10:07 am

SH – I don’t have enough cushion in the back for anything to be hanging out. You probably meant to say you saw my cousin. That girl has a super donk :lol:

Into the Light

September 11th, 2012
10:08 am

Y’all have a good one. I’m gonna finish up some work and then off to see the specialist. I bet they gone give me a dern breathing treatment….make ITL look like Puff the Magic Dragon. :(

Lady~favor ain't fair! :-)

September 11th, 2012
10:11 am

Celisea

September 11th, 2012
10:14 am

Lady – Yes yes…every single time :mrgreen:

Comon Cents

September 11th, 2012
10:18 am

Slim~ You already know. Puh-lease! I saw a bunch of that going on at Freaknic. Just made me :lol: again…

Poppa Grande

September 11th, 2012
10:19 am

Good Morning All!

Topic: It is just a product of the times where everybody gets a trophy for just showing up. I read something where a district in Massachusetts was considering dropping the Honor Roll because of complaints of how the kid’s who did not make it felt. There isn’t much of a tolerance for handling disappointment. We wonder why people have a sense of entitlement. This affects all aspects of life including relationships.

You can always tell them like it is because you don’t owe them an explanation, and keep it moving. If they get hostile, it is easier to buy another can of pepper spray than it is to babysit someone because you don’t have the stones to tell them to kick rocks.

Off topic: One of my favorite Freaknic memories came in the 1993 Freaknic, Chilling with some friends at Piedmont Park and spotting Michigan Fab Fiver Chris Webber. Then, seeing people walking by throwing up the “Time Out” sign as the passed him. Even though I rooted for Michigan against UNC, that makes me chuckle to this day. Well, he knows that people watched the game.

Comon Cents

September 11th, 2012
10:21 am

ITl~ Good luck with your treatment. S/H (or was it BF?) knows all about Puff. Maybe you can come and weed his yard afterwards. It will clear you right up! :lol:

Blackfoote: The Real Blackfoote

September 11th, 2012
10:21 am

Hey Light, like everyone I was froze in place after the second plane hit.

Most people see rejection as a negative it’s not if you have a positive outlook, being booted or criticized should actually make you a stronger person. Go somewhere else and the rejection you recieved previously can change to adoration.

Celisea

September 11th, 2012
10:25 am

Blackfoote – Go somewhere else and the rejection you recieved previously can change to adoration

True statement. I’m a believer that you won’t be everyone’s cup of tea. Somebody else though would LOVE to take a sip :) One man’s trash is another man’s treasure or one man’s famine is another man’s feast. And life goes on, the planets are aligned, the sun is shining and all is well :mrgreen:

Comon Cents

September 11th, 2012
10:25 am

PG~ Funny you should bring that up. I was just talking about this with the varsity football coach from school our boys played last Thursday. We were getting beat unmercifully and he said that he hoped their coach would take a knee with 8 minutes left in the fourth. I told him they should NOT take a knee. If I was the losing team, that would just piss me off. Kind of like the Savannah St. game being called in the 3rd. (If it had not been for weather) It’s like the winning team is saying “You aren’t even good enough for me to finish out the game. Ughhh!!! I hate that!