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Dating: It’s complicated Live! Atlanta

I had the honor of hosting a really fun event this weekend at the Woodruff Arts Center’s Rich Theater. Yours truly was hostess for the It’s Complicated Live! Tour with matchmaker and TV host, Paul Brunson. Paul has guest blogged on Misadventures in Atlanta and it was great to finally meet him in person.

It was such a fun night! First off, there were a lot of sexy people there, including me (at least I felt sexy!). It was wonderful to see people networking without the pressure of meeting a date. Paul even challenged us with the task of exchanging contact information with at least 3 people before we left. Not necessarily of the opposite sex, either. I accomplished that task…all three were men.

Paul Brunson’s presentation was engaging, informative, entertaining, and I even managed to crack a few laughs with the audience! In a separate part of the evening, I went up for a “demo” on how I approached men. I sort of failed miserably at impressing my target but I was happy to see where I go wrong! (You will be shocked to learn, I overtalked)

One of the things that I took away from the evening (there was loads of good information!) was the importance of attraction. I think we all want to have someone that is attractive. However, when it comes to choosing your MATE, your attraction TO them should be FIRE. Like, without that? It’s probably not going to work.

That point really made me think. Do you agree? Some folks believe that attraction can build over time. I suppose you can argue it from both sides, but I wonder – which notion do you subscribe to? Attraction on fire or build up with a slow burn?


Paul Brunson will release his book soon (October 11!) but for now you can catch him co-hosting every Monday night on LoveTown USA airing on the Oprah Winfrey Network (10:00 pm ET) The show was filmed in Kingsland, GA and the entire town made “love” a top priority for 30 days.

Happy Monday!

By Wise Diva, Misadventures in Atlanta Dating Blog

361 comments Add your comment

Lily

September 10th, 2012
5:47 am

Diva, either way is okay for me. I’ve been in both. I will say, slow burn is where I’ve found the deepest longest love.

Exiled!

September 10th, 2012
6:39 am

Lily…’the deepest…’ u mean he was the goodest in bed as well or am I shallow to conclude that way… He he?

On topic:

Attraction should be instantaneous! Like snap..there she is.

Slow burn reeks of failure.I hear fks say that all the time but to me,when chics(laugh) get tired,the glamour has gone,the playas don’t call anymore that’s when they settle for the dude they never gave a chance in the first place. The one they always knew but never looked at when they were still in the fast lane.

Then after settling they spit that slow burn game. :lol:

Like I said,there is Nothing..I mean nothing like slow burn attraction!
Attraction is like ’snap, there she/he is!’ :lol:

Slow burn = settling! (why weren’t u attracted in the first place?) what distracted u?

Early morning MIA!

Lily

September 10th, 2012
7:15 am

No, Exiled., not in bed. lol

When I say slow burn, I simply mean feelings grew deeper over time. Of course feelings were present in,the beginning.

Your explanation sounds more like lust. lol

Single and Happier "Life Happens!"

September 10th, 2012
7:21 am

Fire = lust! Now what do I do once the fire starts to die down, are they fun to be around, can we have a conversation, or are they now just Pretty Dumb!

Ex, what some may call settling, other see as maturing,

Exiled!

September 10th, 2012
8:18 am

Maturing is euphemism for Tired!

Exiled!

September 10th, 2012
8:22 am

Wake up Atlanta

Or are u still in traffic?

Single and Happier "Life Happens!"

September 10th, 2012
9:17 am

Okay ex (LOL)

Leggs

September 10th, 2012
9:18 am

“Attraction on fire or build up with a slow burn?” – Attraction is definitely high on the list, but it doesn’t necessarily have to be on fire. I would tend to think that “fire’s” flame may be burning too high at the outset only to smolder as time goes by. I’d like it to be the other way. A slow burn turning into everlasting respect, love, desire and monogamy. That’s a beautiful slow burn.

Good morning.

disco

September 10th, 2012
9:19 am

good morning all.

ex – as off as you can be I’m agreeing with you this a.m. it should be like SNAP. that waiting on a person to grow on you attraction is for the gun shy in my opinion. not saying it doesn’t have it’s place but that “instantaneous OMG where do I sign up for a piece of that” kind of attraction is what’s up. of course, I could feel that way because that kind is so much more rare than the “so and so is good people” kind of attraction.

Celisea

September 10th, 2012
9:26 am

Morning,

I think it can be either. Still, you don’t have any control over attraction. It happens or not. Slow or fast. Go with what works for you.

Comon Cents

September 10th, 2012
9:26 am

Good Morning!

On Topic~ While I believe that attraction can build over time, It is the relationships where the attraction is instant that seem to have the spark to go the long haul. I still think that my husband is as hot now as I did 21 years ago when I first met him. Therefore, the things that keep the home fires burning come much easier than if your attraction is lukewarm. My mom still thinks my dad is the most handsome man she has ever seen. (They have been married 45 years).

Off topic~ Did y’all watch the games this weekend?!? College ball was OFF DA CHAIN and NFL opener weekend provided some great food for thought. (And all my teams won which made it even better. :) )

Bluzgirl

September 10th, 2012
9:27 am

I’ve experienced both types of attraction. There have been occasions where I didn’t think I was attracted to the man at first, but his personality came out and made him more and more attractive to me…

Celisea

September 10th, 2012
9:27 am

My preference though is slow burn :mrgreen: That way you get to marinate in it…lololol

SlimUno

September 10th, 2012
9:28 am

Morning peeps…going to be in and out since my department has two new ladies that started today…

I sort of feel like Leggss..what happens when you cook food too fast? It is burnt on the outside and still left raw on the inside. A slow burn or simmer is a great way to ensure the flavor is spread throughout ;-)

Comon Cents

September 10th, 2012
9:29 am

“instantaneous OMG where do I sign up for a piece of that”

:lol: :lol: :lol: :lol:

Celisea

September 10th, 2012
9:30 am

And what happens to fire? It eventually burns out!

Single and Happier "Life Happens!"

September 10th, 2012
9:33 am

“instantaneous OMG where do I sign up for a piece of that” = damn that’s it!! when can I get off this ride!

disco

September 10th, 2012
9:39 am

CC – you know you know what I’m talking about. like you’ve never walked into a crowded room and saw something and thought “who is that? I’ve got to meet him”. there is something to said for feeling that kind of excitement if only for a little while.

it seems like the slow burn is winning the race. sometimes the slow burn can feel like settling. like you are taking it slow while waiting for things to heat up, hoping it will progressively get better. maybe it will, maybe it won’t. of course, the slow burn can also just be comfortable. so, to keep from rambling I’ll just say I truly do get it but I’m in a place right now where I’ll take fire and excitement for $1000 alex.

Leggs

September 10th, 2012
9:45 am

♪♫•*¨*•.¸¸♥¸¸.•*¨*•♫♪HAPPY BIRTHDAY, 2C!♪♫•*¨*•.¸¸♥¸¸.•*¨*•♫♪

Celisea

September 10th, 2012
9:45 am

POINTER SISTERS – SLOW HAND

I want a man with a slow hand
I want a lover with an easy touch
I want somebody who will spend some time
Not come and go in a heated rush
I want somebody who will understand
When it comes to love, I want a slow hand

Glammour Girl

September 10th, 2012
9:46 am

Cosigning with Leggs.

I also think that the fire can cause you to make some bad decisions. The person may not be right for you, but you’re blinded by the fire and stay way longer than you should.

Leggs

September 10th, 2012
9:46 am

Fire = lust! – That’s what I thought as well, Single!

Bluzgirl

September 10th, 2012
9:46 am

CC – The DAWGS had me worried in the first half, but they sure showed up in the second! What a game!!!

Leggs

September 10th, 2012
9:49 am

“…it should be like SNAP.”

disco ~ are you against love maturing, percolating to you get to that everlasting boil where the heat is forever front and center? Sometimes, growing with a person, getting to know them is where the feelings develop. If you have something SNAPPING right out the gate, I bet your loins are more involved than your heart.

Single and Happier "Life Happens!"

September 10th, 2012
9:51 am

Disco, that reminds me of this time I was out with some friends, they and almost every woman in the bar was drooling over this guy standing at the bar, I told them just wait till he opens his mouth, of course I was accused of being a hater, and I said just wait. Well when he finally opened his mouth, he was Pretty Dumb. They were asking how did I know that, it was because of the way he acted, he avoided answering any questions until he had too, would just smile and nod his head. Sometimes that’s what I have to have a piece of that gets you. (don’t you say a word, just stand there and look pretty) (LOL)

Leggs

September 10th, 2012
9:53 am

Ohio Players “Fire” is playing on the radio:

The way you walk and talk really sets me off
To a fuller love, child, yes, it does, uh
The way you squeeze and tease, knocks to me my knees
‘Cause I’m smokin’, baby, baby

The way you swerve and curve, really wrecks my nerves
And I’m so excited, child [Yeah], woo, woo
The way you push, push let’s me know that you’re good
[You’re gonna get your wish] Oh, yeah

Fire (What I said, child, ow)
Fire (Uh-huh)
Got me burnin’, burnin’, burnin’
Got me burnin’, burnin’, burnin’ (Yeah)
Got me burnin’, burnin’, burnin’ (Yeah

disco

September 10th, 2012
9:54 am

leggs – that’s just it. we are all acting all mature and whatnot. lol. like I said, I get the slow burn theory but I’m just not taking it at face value. going in hot and ready is no less of a detriment than going in hoping things turn out well if you take it slow. both ways are a toss up. I’m just saying that I wouldn’t mind being with a guy that I thought was worth boning out the gate (yeah I said boning) as opposed to getting with a guy who isn’t overly sexy but who is nice, kind, sweet, blah blah blah and I’m really taking it slow because I’m trying to trick my body into responding to him. so, essentially it sounds like the blog is saying slow burn in the sense of the overall relationship and I’m saying slow burn as it relates to physical attraction.

Celisea

September 10th, 2012
9:55 am

disco, just admit it….you need to get laid…lolololol

Celisea

September 10th, 2012
9:59 am

Mmeello – Are you allowed to blog today?

disco

September 10th, 2012
10:00 am

S/H – it’s all a part of the chance we take. a few months ago I met a guy who had me at the gate (the sleep apnea guy). I mentioned “stalking” him on here. turned out he wasn’t that bright and didn’t have much going for him other than he was tall and dark and wore the heck out of a white linen suit. lol.

celisea – I have been admitting that for months now. it’s no secret. and, of course, when I do finally get some I’m hoping it’s hot like blue blazes and not some okey doke mediocre lukewarm slow burn foolishness. lol.

Single and Happier "Life Happens!"

September 10th, 2012
10:00 am

Disco, are you saying a slow burn can’t have physical attraction also?

Comon Cents

September 10th, 2012
10:03 am

“who is that? I’ve got to meet him”. there is something to said for feeling that kind of excitement if only for a little while.

I say I do , I do, I do, I do, I do! LMAO! That’s how it was with the hubs. And even now, I find myself watching him when he doesn’t know I’m waching him and LORD can that man make my blood boil. :lol:

But, on the other side of that, had we had extreme attraction from jump and then there was nothing beyond the physical, the relationship would not be what it is. I might have had to have a sample, but I sure wouldn’t have bought the whole pig just to get alittle sausage if you catch my drift…

IA

September 10th, 2012
10:05 am

I’m so mad it missed this event! He gives good solid advice. I too believe you need attraction makes things better. But you can’t rely on that alone.

Leggs

September 10th, 2012
10:07 am

Comon ~ I received CDs this morning…thank you.

“…going in hot and ready is no less of a detriment than going in hoping things turn out well if you take it slow.” – Now, we know that is not true…it all depends on the individual and one’s expectations.

disco

September 10th, 2012
10:08 am

S/H – I am not saying that a slow burn can’t have physical attraction (although i do know plenty of folks who admit their s/o isn’t attractive but treats them well) but I am saying that I wish all of the overly mature folks would quit fronting like they don’t know what I’m talking about. i’m sure some folks have dated mr. or miss right now. there was no fire. maybe never even a good slow burn got going. it was just to pass the time until something better came along.

Single and Happier "Life Happens!"

September 10th, 2012
10:16 am

Disco, we don’t call that dating, we call those booty calls (LOL)

Leggs

September 10th, 2012
10:17 am

“…but I sure wouldn’t have bought the whole pig just to get alittle sausage if you catch my drift…” – Yeah we caught your drift, you have a little sausage. :wink:

I KID, I KID. It was right there….

Bluzgirl

September 10th, 2012
10:18 am

I can attest that if you go after the fire, you can get burned pretty badly! :-)

Celisea

September 10th, 2012
10:19 am

I am saying that I wish all of the overly mature folks would quit fronting like they don’t know what I’m talking about

Each individual’s experience is their own. Just because yours is not mine, it should not be thought a thing incredible. That’s what make us all so unique. Personally, I find it hard to believe that a person can be FWB or FB and not catch feeling, but I won’t refute it if many say it can be done.

Single and Happier "Life Happens!"

September 10th, 2012
10:22 am

C, the FWB, or FB someone catches feelings if it last long enough.

Leggs

September 10th, 2012
10:24 am

:lol: :lol: with you Bluz!

Celisea

September 10th, 2012
10:24 am

Single and Happy – Naturally

Comon Cents

September 10th, 2012
10:26 am

Leggs~ I don’t know about little, but it’s just right for me. :lol:

Glad you got the CDs.

disco~ I got yo back! I feel you girl. Lukewarm is great if all you want is companionship. But in the bedroom, I want FIRE! :lol: Weren’t we just talking about that “tha-yow” on Friday?!?

disco

September 10th, 2012
10:27 am

okay…I’ll accept that I’m the only one that happens to know folks who married or had a long term relationship with the one night stand and I’m the only one who knows chicks who held out on giving up the goods only to get dumped down the road. I’ll accept that I’m the only one that knows folks that are in relationships that are based on things other than love or even lust.

Comon Cents

September 10th, 2012
10:28 am

Leggs~ So when are you starting? That way, when you don’t show up to blog I can let everyone know what happened. :lol:

Comon Cents

September 10th, 2012
10:30 am

Off Topic~ I am floating today. My son got named to the all-american team for Offense-Defense so we will be going to Houston in December for him to play in the bowl game. :D

disco

September 10th, 2012
10:35 am

thanks CC. at least I’m not totally alone.

Leggs

September 10th, 2012
10:37 am

And, “just right” is all one can hope for.

I found my partner, and we are going to start Saturday morning. I have a feeling I won’t need a water bottle, but rather a vat of water!

kimmie

September 10th, 2012
10:41 am

Sup Gang!

Go Dawgs & Falcons!!!!

On topic – I’m kinda with Exiled & Disco on this one, with a twist. There HAS to be SOME initial attraction for a “slow burn” to even be attempted, at least by me. And that “slow” better not take too long, otherwise I will feel like I’m in the land of the settled. For example, I wouldn’t marry someone still waiting on that FIRE to kick in! And once that burn kicks in, it needs to feel just like one of those instant situations! Sorry to say, but “nice” is just not enough. I’m not working at trying to convince myself I’m feeling a dude. Just not.

Leggs

September 10th, 2012
10:41 am

Congrats, Comon! That’s wonderful. I know you are proud.