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Dating: Do we trust our instincts?

Think of your biggest, most colossal dating failures and ponder one thing: Could it have been avoided? I know we like to think we have it all figured out and that we have learned from past mistakes. I hope that is the case! However, history tells us that we humans don’t always remember to follow our instincts.

We see red flags and ignore them. We have an inner voice telling us to steer clear and we ignore it. Why do you think we make choices that goes against what we feel instinctively?

Is our need to connect with someone so deep that we are willing to take risks we probably should never take?

When it comes to dating, do you trust your own instincts? Do you think your judgment gets clouded by other things?

Have you ever gone against your instinct and started seeing someone? Did you regret it or were you happy you decided to take a chance?

By Wise Diva, Misadventures in Atlanta Dating Blog

317 comments Add your comment

Single and Happier "Life Happens!"

September 6th, 2012
7:24 am

Morning, sometimes it’s not your instincts, but extra baggage. You have to know how to distinguish between the 2. Life would be no fun if we never took risk and always took the safe easy route, You have to make up your mind on what you can deal with, and what you can’t and let it go. Never if you think you might regret it, don’t do it.

Blackfoote: The Real Blackfoote

September 6th, 2012
8:17 am

Instincts are warning signs, should we trust them of course. That first thought you had or the queasiness from a gut feeling tells us to be on high alert. Sure there are times when I’m totally wrong that’s when I give people the opportunity to calm my uneasiness. Grown folks should know their own instintive boundaries and when they are outside of them either way the choice belongs to you to live life to the fullest without regretting most of it.

Good Morning:

Exiled!

September 6th, 2012
8:43 am

Single….for a single guy,you make very reasonable arguments there.one would think you are married already.

You gotta take some level of risk..Always!

……………………………………………..::::…………………………………………
Lily??

SlimUno

September 6th, 2012
8:47 am

Good morning and Yeah what ya’ll said ;-)

Single and Happier "Life Happens!"

September 6th, 2012
8:51 am

Thanks ex, I’m almost there (LOL)

Celisea

September 6th, 2012
8:53 am

Morning,

Funny I just spoke to this yesterday. If I’ve learned nothing else in life there are two sects where you need to ALWAYS listen to your instincts. Children and with men/SO. I’m of the belief that because you can’t be in all places all the time, that’s that “extra” built-in signal or warning that God gives us. I remember looking at an Oprah episode where a mother was talking about missing the mark on her son being abused by her live-in bf because she IGNORED her gut. No one is going to come and shake your shoulders everytime there’s an issue needing attention. The warning sign is your instinct. I believe too, the purpose of the nudge is to get your attention so that from that point you can pay attention. IMO, the intent is not to provide full disclosure. The warning is all you need and should suffice as a means for getting to the heart of things.

I don’t mind that I’ve maybe missed something or pegged “too paranoid” because I followed my instinct. Nope, don’t mind at all. I can guarantee I dodged a bullet. I’m sure that’s not what the other party would say…lol…but I’m 99.9 percent sure. One thing I know for certain, as I said yesterday, I might not be spot on or dead on it but I’m somewhere in the ball park. And being somewhere in the vicinity suffices for me to call it what it is.

Celisea

September 6th, 2012
8:56 am

And let me just say this, not all the time “getting to the heart of things” is needed. Sometimes, that gut feeling is enough…period. No need to continue pushing or digging deeper. I’ve done something along the line of trying to take the high road. Sometimes, some people aren’t even worth that.

Celisea

September 6th, 2012
8:58 am

Blackfoote – Where have you been mister (Celisea arms folded, patting her foot)???

Mmeello – Hey there (if you’re still here) :)

Bluzgirl

September 6th, 2012
8:59 am

I believe that women are not great at trusting our instincts. I’m not just talking about me…I’ve had several discussions with friends about this (younger and older). Our gut tells us something, but we don’t always listen or we second guess it. It can be hard to listen to your gut feeling when you want something…

Celisea

September 6th, 2012
9:00 am

IMO, taking a risk IS going in sans any warning or gut call. If you don’t get that call, then moving forward with someone is risk enough. If your instinct is telling you something and you ignore? IMO, that’s not taking a risk, that a death leap…lol Yeah go on and take the leap then tell us about it later.

Blackfoote: The Real Blackfoote

September 6th, 2012
9:06 am

Hey Cely and Slim1,

Good points Cely, our heart and brain send signals to our emotions, instincts are there to protect their integrity.

Celisea

September 6th, 2012
9:08 am

Blackfoote – Absolutely. No need for a warning call when/if it’s all good.

Blackfoote: The Real Blackfoote

September 6th, 2012
9:14 am

LOL…….@Cely I’ve been working harder than a stool pigeon, I worked through the holiday so I’ll get tomorrow off for a three day weekend.

Celisea

September 6th, 2012
9:17 am

Blackfoote – You did not say “working harder than a stool pigeon”….lol Bummer you worked through the holiday but fantab you get that extra long weekend :) I’m so not going to be envious of you. I have another vacay coming up reeeeeeal soon. :mrgreen:

Lady~favor ain't fair! :-)

September 6th, 2012
9:24 am

Morning Crew!

yes I do trust my inner voice~ C great post!!!!

Celisea

September 6th, 2012
9:25 am

Heeeey there Lady, what’s crackalackin :) Thanks…spoken from the heart…lololol

Blackfoote: The Real Blackfoote

September 6th, 2012
9:25 am

Is that the Carribean trip during Christmas holidays you’re thinking about taking? I can see the movie script now, Christmas in Jamaica. What happens in Jamaica stays in Jamiaca………LOL

Blackfoote: The Real Blackfoote

September 6th, 2012
9:27 am

Hey there dear Lady.

Celisea

September 6th, 2012
9:28 am

Blackfoote – Might not be right at Christmas and might not be the Carribean (I’m still leaning), but yep…hopefully it’s on :) If not the Carribean, I wouldn’t mind being holed up somewhere where there’s snow and skiing. That’s another one on my list, someday soon :)

Celisea

September 6th, 2012
9:28 am

And you know now, I can’t hit a lick on anybody’s slope…lol Honestly, I wouldn’t mind trying/learning.

Blackfoote: The Real Blackfoote

September 6th, 2012
9:33 am

Don’t be afraid Cely Skiing is simular to ice skating, the key is to have your skis on snug for balance and you’re good.

Single and Happier "Life Happens!"

September 6th, 2012
9:37 am

Black, have you not heard of you tube and face book (LOL)

Blackfoote: The Real Blackfoote

September 6th, 2012
9:37 am

Good to see Single came back from the beach Happier. That lady made sure you came home happier about something.

Single and Happier "Life Happens!"

September 6th, 2012
9:39 am

Black I always come back from vacation happier, cause I’m looking forward to the next one :-D

Blackfoote: The Real Blackfoote

September 6th, 2012
9:39 am

LOL…..@Single I’m glad they weren’t around when I made my ski debut.

SlimUno

September 6th, 2012
9:41 am

BF – Well howdy doody to you too.

Leggs

September 6th, 2012
9:42 am

Have you ever gone against your instinct and started seeing someone? – Yes

Did you regret it or were you happy you decided to take a chance? – I regretted it. I knew I shouldn’t have dated Boobie, but he was fine as wine and a great kisser. Teenage love shouldn’t count for much because we are all pretty stupid at that age. :wink:

Bluz ~ I will disagree with you. I think women are on point when trusting their instincts. Don’t have any stats, but I feel more women pay attention to their instincts than those that don’t.

Morning.

Celisea

September 6th, 2012
9:42 am

Blackfoote – You are right on ice skating and having the skate snugly fastened. We use to iceskate at the Omni years ago when they had the skating rink there. Yep, once I learned to lace ‘em up right, skating was that much more easier.

Celisea

September 6th, 2012
9:43 am

Blackfoote – You are right on ice skating and having the skates snugly fastened. We use to iceskate at the Omni years ago when they had the skating rink there. Yep, once I learned to lace ‘em up right, skating was that much more easier.

Lady~favor ain't fair! :-)

September 6th, 2012
9:44 am

howdy BF~

C I know!!! our hearts holds so much wisdom and knowledge~

Celisea

September 6th, 2012
9:44 am

I disagree with Bluz too. I don’t care, if I get a funny feeling about, I’m not moving foward. I might think about it after the fact and I may wonder if I jumped the gun. But all and all, I’m going off of what my gut says.

Celisea

September 6th, 2012
9:46 am

Lady – I know it’s a cliched and sappy and stuff, but really a lot of what we need to steer us is already within. We just have to learn (if a person hasn’t) to listen and take heed.

Celisea

September 6th, 2012
9:47 am

Blackfoote – You ski often?

Celisea

September 6th, 2012
9:47 am

Where is Simple Man when you need him? lololol

Celisea

September 6th, 2012
9:49 am

“all” cliched, not “a” cliched

Comon Cents

September 6th, 2012
9:54 am

Always trust yourself. How can you trust anyone else if you don’t first trust you?

Good Morning, all!

Celisea

September 6th, 2012
9:55 am

Lady – To your 9:44….there are so so so many games people play. Where would we be if our instincts didn’t guide us?

Lady~favor ain't fair! :-)

September 6th, 2012
10:16 am

C~ who knew sooooooo many ADULTS that declare that don’t have time for games play the hardest?!? 0_o gotta trust your gut with fools daily and clowns lol hahaha

Bluzgirl

September 6th, 2012
10:19 am

Maybe it’s just my girlfriends! :-) I’m trying to learn to trust my instincts more. I’ve regretted in the past not trusting them. I think my gut will tell me one thing, but my heart will tell me another and I second guess that gut feeling.

Comon Cents

September 6th, 2012
10:20 am

C/Leggs~ My grandmother always used to say that no one is taken advantage of unless they want to be. I see Bluz’s point; I have known women who saw ALL the warning signs and still proceeded with the relationship. They have a whole show about it on ID channel. (Who the bleep did I marry?)

So, on one side, I disagree with Bluz because I think that a woman’s instinct DOES kick in but I I agree with her that many women ignore those instincts and proceed anyway. I believe that is what she was trying to say about not trusting their instincts. Am I correct, Bluz?

Comon Cents

September 6th, 2012
10:21 am

Lady~ That’s the same as people who claim the HATE drama yet they always seem to have it. :lol:

HST

September 6th, 2012
10:23 am

I’m just going with CC’s comment @ 0954, and furthermore, if you’re so desperate to ignore what you feel or know – then you’re getting what you want.

I see the same patrons are here, everyone have their coffee yet at the proverbial “blogbar?”

Celisea

September 6th, 2012
10:25 am

Lady – Exactly. The good part about winning is sometimes just let ‘em have it and make them think they’ve won. Just take your stuff and go home…lolololol That’s a win win :mrgreen:

kimmie

September 6th, 2012
10:25 am

Morning All!

Celisea – Really feeling your post, especially about instincts involving kids & men!

Me – I’ve pretty much always trusted my instincts when it came to men. One guy I was good friends with that wanted more I often wonder “what if”, because was a great guy. I just had to learn to trust that it was not meant to be for us like that. Other than that, I’ve been on point with deciding whether or not to deal with a guy. A few I think back on now I KNOW I dodged a SERIOUS bullet by cutting them loose. One, I didn’t offer much of an explanation to as to why I was letting him go, and others from the outside looking in didn’t understand my decision either. But I KNOW I did the right thing!! In my younger days, it wasn’t trusting my instincts that was the problem, it was feeling I needed to explain everything to everyone, not just the dudes involved, but others. When I got older I got more comfortable with realizing I didn’t owe anyone an explanation! It’s MY life, and as long as I do right by people, that’s all that’s important. I got more comfortable with my decisions. That’s real GROWTH!

For me, I regret not following my instincts on some career decisions. I should have taken a chance on some things that would have really helped me down the road. For example, I still kick myself for not doing that grad school exchange student stint in London. Sigh…..

Did Playa Bill Clinton BRING IT last night or what?!!!!! :cool:

Comon Cents

September 6th, 2012
10:26 am

Good Morning, HST. I have already had 3 cups this morning. So I am amped! LOL!

Celisea

September 6th, 2012
10:27 am

Kimmie – Thanks!! We need it girl, in order to survive…seriously.

And YES Bill Clinton got down last night!!!

Blackfoote: The Real Blackfoote

September 6th, 2012
10:28 am

Cely no I haven’t skied in years, and I used to go to the ice rink at the Omni when they were there. Until I learned the skates need to fit snuggly I was walking on them like the scarecrow from the Wizard of Oz.

HST

September 6th, 2012
10:30 am

To you as well CC. Well, I have my iced-venti-Americano with long shots – I’m on my way.

I can’t even stand to look at some of my monies today, so I’m playing around on-line.

Celisea

September 6th, 2012
10:31 am

Blackfoote – Really? Small small world (Omni). We use to go down with friends. A couple of times my mom carried us. Okay, cool on skiing. A chocolate snow bunny huh? :)

Leggs

September 6th, 2012
10:33 am

BF – you crack me up.