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We are never getting back together

Leave it to Taylor Swift to write a perfectly titled break up song. The thought of getting back together really does not work for everyone. When we consider the dating experiences that were “character building” as my Dad says, we have to know when it is really over.

It is important to remember that no matter how many right things some of our exes say, reuniting with them is a bad idea. I always say that you can love someone but not have to be with them. It is possible to be bad for each other!

Do you have an ex that you are absolutely sure about why you are no longer together? There was no need for closure or continued friendship. Things are so over, you can never go back. Do you think they feel the same way about you?

Have you ever told someone that you could never be with them again? If that is how you feel, do you think it is good to tell someone that to their face? How much honesty should we have in a break up?

By Wise Diva, Misadventures in Atlanta Dating Blog

173 comments Add your comment

Single and Happier "Life Happens!"

September 5th, 2012
8:57 am

Closure, love that word! It’s something that if you need you only get when you hear what you want to hear. You only get real closure from anything when you move on with your life and let it go!
What ever reason you get for breaking up, let it go and move on with your life.

LeeH1

September 5th, 2012
9:06 am

My wife and I divorced over 30 years. She is schizophrenic, and while I still love her, I have not communicated with her in any since then, and I’m grateful I’ve had no contact with her at all. The marriage is over. Sometimes you need to walk away and never look back.

Guilt is a terrible thing, but she was so hateful in the separation and divorce that anger effectively killed any guilt I had left. She got every penny I had, and she destroyed a lot of my possessions. As a friend once said, it was cheap whatever it cost to be shut or her.

He was right.

Leggs

September 5th, 2012
9:17 am

Morning.

My ex and I divorced 6 years ago. He still cares deeply for me, but I know we will never be together again. One character I cannot abide with is “spite.” I cannot be with a spiteful, selfish individual ever again. “Spite” is a very debilitating character to posses that can only lead to lots of heartache.

Mike P

September 5th, 2012
9:24 am

There’s something to be said about the statement, “When its over, its over.”

There’s way too many women out here who haven’t screwed things up with me to be wasting my time messing around with you on a “do over.” Sorry, no can do. Back “that thing” up, out my house and keep that ish moving.

No guilt, no fuss, no mess, no hate, and no more please. Just me and my sense of peace. :)

Comon Cents

September 5th, 2012
9:25 am

Good Morning!
Quick in and out before I run out of the door. (I think I might be addicted to y’all)

I agree with both S/H & Lee~ Done is done. If you realize there is zero opportunity of the relationship ever working, move on and be happy. Just because I can’t be happy with you doesn’t mean that someone else can’t be happy with you.

Bluzgirl

September 5th, 2012
9:28 am

There was a time when I would have taken my recent ex back, but now that there has been some time since the break up, I KNOW 100% that it would NEVER happen!!! It’s been hard to look back and really see everything that he did to me…even harder to look back and realize that I stayed through things I never should have…

MsAtl

September 5th, 2012
9:29 am

My ex and I separated almost two years ago & ultimately divorced. When we first separated, he tried to come back using guilt, the kids, empty promises, etc. I made it perfectly clear that I would never take him back. After 29 years of dealing with him, I was completely done and I let him know that! Unlike LeeH1, there is no love left on my part.

Thirdwheel

September 5th, 2012
9:32 am

I still live with my ex and I have been done for a longgggggggg time. I think he just realized there is no hope for us. It takes all my might not to cut his brake line when he is sleeping….

MsAtl

September 5th, 2012
9:34 am

Bluz, I know exactly what you mean. I too, stayed through things I should not have and accepted many things that should have been clear dea lbreakers. Although I knew better (on some level), there were always reasons, excuses, and rationalizations. However, when I made up my mind that I was done, I was done! I have had to make peace with the fact that I chose to stay, right or wrong,and did what I thought I should do at the time. You should make peace with that also and let your looking back be a learning experience.

Leggs

September 5th, 2012
9:37 am

Hey 3rdWheel, how you be?

Bluzgirl

September 5th, 2012
9:40 am

MsAtl…I figure that I’ll make the peace with myself soon…it’s been 7 months. It is amazing what you will put up with when you are so in love. I’m just glad that I found the strength to break up with him and ask him to move out. It definitely was a true learning experience!!!

Single and Happier "Life Happens!"

September 5th, 2012
9:44 am

Thirdwheel, WTH (LOL)

Single and Happier "Life Happens!"

September 5th, 2012
9:46 am

Bluz, get some closure, move on, let it go.

Leggs

September 5th, 2012
9:46 am

Single ~ nice to see you’re happier!!!

Celisea

September 5th, 2012
9:46 am

Morning,

I have to be honest. I’ve never parted ways over stuff like cheating. Don’t get me wrong, I’m not silly enough to believe a dude never cheated on me. I’ve questioned one in particular but he wouldn’t answer straight. To boot, he tossed it back on me and said I think too much like a dude. (This was way before Steve Harvey’s epiphany…lol) Yeah, that’s funny? Okay, let me show you then. I walked. I doubted myself a long time after that, whether or not it was the right move. One thing that’s for sure about me, I’m NEVER going against my instincts and gut feeling. Never. I could be off the mark and maybe not quite have it pegged, but I can bet I’m in the ballpark. Mostly, I’ve parted ways over not meshing or being on the same page or wanting more of a bang out of life and wanting it together and he just didn’t get it or “different time, different place.” Would I ever go back to any of them? Not likely. My motto is never go back.

One thing about me is, I have a temper. Not an “Evelyn” temper but I can get hot real quick. I don’t just go “snapping” and breaking stuff and getting myself locked up. If I feel a person is not coming straight, I tend to cut it quick. An issue of mine more so along the lines of not possessing a lot of patience coupled with my gut…lol Yep, sometimes I feel I need more patience when it comes to relationships. I said that to say, I’ve gotten REALLY angry and walked but I’m not one that habors ill feelings and I’m not spiteful. Yeah, I dished a bit of crazy but that was only with my kid’s dad way back when and as I’ve said before, that was a learner (can I say that) for me. As quick as I’m angry, I’m quicker to forgive. I’m not spiteful but I don’t games either and neither will I deal with that. So more than likely outside of blatant disrespect (i.e. cheating, name calling and that kind of stuff), I can get over it. I’m cool being decent towards one another “after the fact” even so and still, I won’t go back. Unless we both make changes, I don’t want to go back. The same thing will likely recur time and time again. Only for the nasties will I say bump all that forgiveness stuff, you can kick rocks eternally. Ask my coworkers….lol You burn me and I’m done. Spiteful, mean and hateful? Nope, I don’t have to tolerate. Like I said…kick rocks, bite me, kiss my grits….and any other saying that might apply…lol

Thirdwheel

September 5th, 2012
9:46 am

Hey Leggs!!! I’m hanging in there! Three more months to go… How are you doing?

Single and Happier "Life Happens!"

September 5th, 2012
9:48 am

Hey legs, yes I am, happier every day :-)

Celisea

September 5th, 2012
9:49 am

And even if we’re cool “after the fact”, we’re not going to hang out and stuff. At that point, it’s a matter of being decent and civil.

Into the Light

September 5th, 2012
9:55 am

Morning, all!

There is one ex that I think of every now and then. The breakup was amicable….we were just in different places at the time. Fast forward 15 years….I wonder what it would be like if we ran into each other today. He is the only man, that from the first day I met him until the last day I saw him, who gave me “butterflies”….

Off topic: I wish I was home in my jammies. This summer cold/sinus infection/whatever it is is not fun. :(

Leggs

September 5th, 2012
9:55 am

I can see your smile way over here, Single! I’m happy for you!

3rdWheel ~ I’m good on this end. I’m more relaxed than I’ve been in a very long time.

Bluzgirl

September 5th, 2012
9:59 am

ITL – Hate that you’re still feeling sick! You need some major relaxation…

Another off topic – I used to have my tongue pierced and took it out almost three years ago due to psycho in Seattle not approving. I’ve always regretted taking it out because I liked it. I’ll be 33 in Nov…am I too old to get it re-pierced?

Bluzgirl

September 5th, 2012
10:22 am

Where did everyone go?

Leggs

September 5th, 2012
10:30 am

Perhaps a 33 yr old wanting a tongue piercing scared everyone away…I kid, I kid.

M. (pronouced M dot)

September 5th, 2012
10:36 am

Good day everyone

“Do you have an ex that you are absolutely sure about why you are no longer together? There was no need for closure or continued friendship. Things are so over, you can never go back. Do you think they feel the same way about you?”

I think everyone has an ex like this and we have to be honest about the person and the situation. I think my situation was with someone who wanted to be in a relationship which really means with anyone that came along. Maybe they were lonely, bored, mad because their friends were in relationships or all of the above.

Once its over, you have to just move on and hope they are ok but it’s really not your job to worry about them anymore especially if they dumped you. The best thing to do is move on, cut off ALL communication (calls, text, gchat, skype, fb, etc) and focus on yourself!

I think everyone has an ex like this and we have to be honest about the person and the situation.

Bluzgirl

September 5th, 2012
10:38 am

I was starting to wonder Leggs! LOL

Mike P

September 5th, 2012
10:42 am

WD- Have you ever told someone that you could never be with them again?
Yes I have, in fact, I don’t associate with them anymore on any level.

WD-If that is how you feel, do you think it is good to tell someone that to their face?
I’d tell her face to face, unless the reason I’m breaking up is she’s way too crazy for me.

WD- How much honesty should we have in a break up?
Complete honesty is best, that way, the woman getting dumped can have closure. Dumping someone without being honest as to why you’re dumping them is juvenile in my opinion or worse cruel and cold hearted.

Bluzgirl

September 5th, 2012
10:49 am

Mike – I agree with you that you really should be totally honest and talk face to face when you are ready to end things. It’s very cowardly to send a text or an email…

Speaking of…any of you hear the Bert Show this morning with the closure call? The girl called last week about coming clean with her boyfriend of 3 months and telling him that she has a daughter. She chose to tell him via text!!! Obviously, he was angry that she lied to him for 3 months and then texted the truth…

Celisea

September 5th, 2012
10:54 am

Mike P and MDot, I like both your posts. I will say MikeP, sometimes you read a bit hard (on women…lol) but sometimes tough love is needed. I agree though with that last line of your 10:42. No it’s not required, but IMO it’s taking the high road.

cba

September 5th, 2012
11:00 am

O/T: Much, Much LOVE to my country’s mom-in-chief

kimmie

September 5th, 2012
11:02 am

Morning Gang!

Bluz, I heard that mess on the Bert Show, I’ve been keeping up with that story. That chick is crazy. She’s still putting the blame on HIM!! You know what, while I would be disappointed I could handle it better if someone just didn’t tell me they had a child for awhile. But to LIE and say the child is your NIECE, and then take the cowardly way out via TEXT to tell me is absolutely disgusting!! Her whole thing about men not wanting to date women with children is not the issue, because some absolutely will. What they don’t want though, is a psycho-lier!!

Single and Happier "Life Happens!"

September 5th, 2012
11:04 am

Why do people lie about things that you they know you will eventually find out about?

Mike P

September 5th, 2012
11:04 am

@Celisea: I have to be tough (with love) on women in general; too many spineless simps, not enough men out there; natural order is out of whack, so I am forced to compensate.

@Bluzgirl: yes, that would be very cowardly. And who can respect a coward?? or deal with them?

Celisea

September 5th, 2012
11:08 am

Mike P – Yep, natural order of things is definitely out of whack…lol

I got home after 10 and missed some of Michelle’s speech, but the part I did hear…she was awesome :mrgreen: Goooooo Michelle

Flawed N. Tryin

September 5th, 2012
11:09 am

Morning yall,
This is my truth I’m dealing with right now. I’ve never really broken up with someone and I’m married. Though I love her I don’t think I could ever get back to where we once were. I want the very best for her but she wants to keep trying to work on it. Thanks for listening.

Leggs

September 5th, 2012
11:10 am

Bluz ~ reading MikeP’s post re: clousure I was going to mention the Bert Show this morning. That woman doesn’t get where she went wrong. She’s too dense for any logic to filter through.

kimmie ~ the guy was so disgusted with them calling him he answered the important question then hung up. Before I got out the car, they asked her if she would do the same going forward (hide the fact she had a kid) and she said yes, especially since the way things turned out….WTH!

Bluzgirl

September 5th, 2012
11:12 am

kimmie – I had to laugh that she seemed so shocked that no one had her back in regards to texting him the truth. I wish he would have just answered the question this morning about whether or not he would date a woman with children. That would have finally shut her up, I think. If I had a child, that would be one of the first things I would put out there. If you don’t like it, then we don’t need to be together. Simples as that…

Single and Happier "Life Happens!"

September 5th, 2012
11:12 am

I guess I’m a coward, because where ever that, I’m tired of this isht feeling hits me that’s where I’m going to tell you, Whether it’s on the phone, texting back and forth, emailing back and forth, or in person. No since in waiting for the right time.

Leggs

September 5th, 2012
11:12 am

kimmie ~ what I don’t understand with that woman is why she doesn’t see that her lying for 3 months cost her the relationship. Apparently, she has no concept of what “good character” means.

cba ~ GO FIRST LADY!

Leggs

September 5th, 2012
11:15 am

And, news like that shouldn’t be reviewed in a text. Bet he looked at that text 5x before deleting it.

Bluzgirl

September 5th, 2012
11:15 am

Leggs – I was getting so frustrated with that girl. She kept talking about how he wouldn’t tell the truth anyway. She couldn’t see what she did wrong. I feel for the guy since they still have to work together…

Single and Happier "Life Happens!"

September 5th, 2012
11:17 am

Bluz they work together and he didn’t know she had a child?

kimmie

September 5th, 2012
11:17 am

I just couldn’t get past a mother putting her child off as her NEICE!! Like saying “hey, she ain’t mine, I can send her home anytime I want”!! And to have this charade going for 3 months!

Leggs, you are right it was no getting thru to her!!!

Bluzgirl

September 5th, 2012
11:19 am

I don’t understand why some people choose to use text and/or email to say certain things. When you’ve established a relationship, certain things should be said face to face…no matter how hard it is.

kimmie

September 5th, 2012
11:19 am

Single – The show cast asked about that, how can you work somewhere and no one know you have a child. She said she had just started working there and met dude the first day.

Bluzgirl

September 5th, 2012
11:20 am

S/H – Apparently, she just started the job 3 months ago and since she got into this lie, she didn’t tell any of her new co-workers that she had a child…

Single and Happier "Life Happens!"

September 5th, 2012
11:20 am

Kimmie okay, that makes more since, she scooped him up before anyone else had a chance (LOL)

Leggs

September 5th, 2012
11:22 am

That woman really believed that once he started having real feelings for her he would accept her and her child. Why don’t some women understand that starting from the get go with deceit will never help land you that man!

Single and Happier "Life Happens!"

September 5th, 2012
11:23 am

Started having real feelings, accept her and her child that he knew nothing about (LOL)

kimmie

September 5th, 2012
11:24 am

She just kept going on about “if he were a REAL man”……..! How about if she was a REAL woman……?!!

Single and Happier "Life Happens!"

September 5th, 2012
11:26 am

Kimmie, most of the time people don’t see the part they played in anything that’s not going their way. That’s part of the unconditional love thing, (love me with all my flaws no matter what they are)