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Dating multiple people: For or against

I don’t know why some women are so opposed to dating multiple people. We can multitask almost everything in our lives, but men? We hesitate to do so! I am sure everyone has their reasons, but I wonder is dating multiple people the best way to meet The One?

Almost all my guy friends are seeing a cadre of women – fascinating women, too. They are upfront with everyone they date and tell me that they make no false promises. Why does it seem so easy for them to do it?

I know men and women view dating and relationships differently. This is yet another example of how we have vastly different ideas on dating and looking for the one special “forever” person.

Let’s argue both sides today:

If you are in favor of dating multiple people, state the reasons why. Have you tried it personally? Why do you think it was easy or not easy for you?

If you are strongly opposed to the idea, state why you think it is a recipe for disaster. Have you tried it and got a lot of drama and backlash?

I am curious to see how where we all stand on this dating issue.
For the record: I am opposed to it – but it is basically because I am way too lazy/busy to devote a lot of energy to more than one guy at a time. Hey! At least I am honest! :)

By Wise Diva, Misadventures in Atlanta Dating Blog

486 comments Add your comment

Bertha

August 27th, 2012
7:01 am

One, five, ten, I don’t care, just as long as he’s not a fat with a huge belly. I once met a guy so fat, his cheeks almost turned inside out when he smiled. How nasty is that? I sure he bled gravy. Yes, multiple is fine just not one person the size of three!!!

Lily

August 27th, 2012
7:14 am

Ms. Lily cannot divide her heart, mercy no. I can only swoon for one suitor at a time. Ms. Lily checking the strongly opposed box.

I see Bertha opened up with morning laughter. I nearly sprayed my IPhone. LOL I must say I’d have to agree. Big boys won’t make my list (Ms. Lily shudders recalling a headshot she once received).

Be nice Bertha! Big boys need love too!

Good day!

DreamsMaterialize

August 27th, 2012
7:15 am

When I meet a woman, I assume she has other guys in play. She wasn’t just sitting at home watching civil war reenactments and playing the kazoo, waiting for the day I showed up.

lolalee

August 27th, 2012
7:22 am

My man would not be happy. Before he placed me on lockdown I always dated a couple of guys at a time. Can’t place all my eggs in one basket.

Ron Burgundy

August 27th, 2012
7:27 am

Definitely date multiple people. The more woman, double the knockers!

Lady~cool beans :-)

August 27th, 2012
8:14 am

Morning MIA!!! Ready to knock this week out and enjoy the end of a great summer~ :-)

Hmmmmm with the topic……..should be an interesting day in Blogsville~ ;)

Single and Happy (Time to get away)

August 27th, 2012
8:18 am

Dating is a form of courtship consisting of social activities done by two people with the aim of each assessing the other’s suitability as a partner in an intimate relationship or as a spouse. While the term has several meanings, it usually refers to the act of meeting and engaging in some mutually agreed upon social activity in public, together, as a couple.

It’s okay to DATE multiple people, until you find the one!

Comon Cents

August 27th, 2012
8:39 am

I guess my answer would be contingent on what the definition of dating is. These days, everyone seems so quick to jump in the sheets with one another that I could not get on board with doing the horizontal mambo with a whole bunch of different guys at the same time or knowing that he was sexing a whole bunch of women in addition to me. However, if we are talking about hanging out, going to dinner and the movies, etc, then I think that is the purpose of dating. How are you supposed to find “the one” if you have nothing to compare him to?

Good morning, blogsville!

SlimUno

August 27th, 2012
8:46 am

Good morning,

I won’t say I’m totally against dating multiple folks in the beginning stages of dating. However, eventually there needs to come a point where you decide who you are going to single all the other folks out for. That way, you can really get down to the nitty gritty of getting to know that one person you seem to have more of a connection with. My theory is, if you are constantly trying to juggle mutiple folks, then neither one of them is getting the full real you…and you’re bound to be too occupied to really devote the energy to get to know them. I surely would not want to feel that i’m beginning to be more serious-minded about a guy to find out he is still holding on to a team of women. I don’t want to be your Miss Thursday night or Saturday afternoon girl.

Celiseaaa.....Choir girl (ha ha) with a twist of mmmmm!!

August 27th, 2012
8:52 am

One at a time.

Morning!!!

Into the Light

August 27th, 2012
8:55 am

Morning, all!

co-signing Slim’s 8:46. Girl, you just saved me a whole lotta typing…and given my lack of fine motor skills this morning, that’s a good thing. Need…..more…..coffee…..

Comon Cents

August 27th, 2012
8:59 am

ITL~ I’m with you on the coffee thing. I will co-sign that “fo sho” this morning! :lol:

disco

August 27th, 2012
9:06 am

good morning.

before even reading the entire topic I thought “HA. what women are reluctant to do so?” a lot of the women in my circle are juggling like circus performers and have no shame in their game at all. I often find myself asking where the heck do they even meet all these guys. I can barely keep them straight and long since stopped trying. I just call every one “old boy” and find myself asking “which one is he” a lot.

guess I’ll continue reading the rest of the topic now.

SlimUno

August 27th, 2012
9:16 am

ITL – No problemo ;-) WAKE UPPPPPPP!

Bluzgirl

August 27th, 2012
9:26 am

It’s hard enough for me to find one, much less several to juggle! LOL!!!

Comon Cents

August 27th, 2012
9:28 am

Bluz~ It’s hard enough for me to find a decent one, much less several to juggle!

Anyone can find some scrubs to juggle. :lol:

SlimUno

August 27th, 2012
9:29 am

Bluz – So did you scrap up some money to go out Saturday? How were things with you and Mister Mann?

Celiseaaa.....Choir girl (ha ha) with a twist of mmmmm!!

August 27th, 2012
9:32 am

Yeah Bluzy, I’ve been missing your updates. Was tied up the end of last week.

Celiseaaa.....Choir girl (ha ha) with a twist of mmmmm!!

August 27th, 2012
9:32 am

Heck…tied up today as well. I have a few minutes to spare before my day is jumping

Hey Lady!

Lady~cool beans :-)

August 27th, 2012
9:36 am

Waving @ C~ Don’t work too hard sis~

Lady~cool beans :-)

August 27th, 2012
9:36 am

chuckle @ your tag line too! lol interesting!

Bluzgirl

August 27th, 2012
9:38 am

I don’t know if I even want to talk about it…

Things started out great Friday night…nice date…then, we went to Northside Tavern (which ITL can talk about)…the bartenders treat me very nicely there and I got sloppy drunk. I must have messed up because Magnum told me on Sat that he needed a break and hasn’t responded to the only text I sent him last night. The plan was for me to ride with him tonight to a jam. I’m still planning on going because I’m meeting friends there, whether I ride with him or not. I’ve apologized and have said that I’m taking a break from drinking, so that’s all I can do. If he wants to hold it against me, then fine…I know he had a isht week last week, so I’m thinking that I’m not the only problem right now. I just wish he would talk to me. He was the one who said that if we are going to be dating, then we need to communicate better. I’m about ready to throw that up at him, but I’m just gonna leave it alone…

Celiseaaa.....Choir girl (ha ha) with a twist of mmmmm!!

August 27th, 2012
9:38 am

Lady – Working hard is understated. My tagline? Everybody’s got a little sexy to unleash right? :) :)

My coffee and (toasted) bagel is delish :)

Bluzgirl...on the wagon...

August 27th, 2012
9:39 am

I’m gonna be pretty swamped today also, so may only be able to check in every once in a while…

Lady~cool beans :-)

August 27th, 2012
9:40 am

yep unleashing sexy subtly is very cool~ Get it C~ Have a blessed stress and drama free week honey!

MsAtl

August 27th, 2012
9:40 am

Morning all. I cosign on Common’s 8:39 & Slim’s 8:46. It depends on how you define dating. There is nothing wrong with going out to eat or to the movies, etc with more than one man, but bedding? No way!!! Only one person in the sand box! Have my coffee, but not pleased with the creamer (trying White Chocolate Mocha today).

Celiseaaa.....Choir girl (ha ha) with a twist of mmmmm!!

August 27th, 2012
9:41 am

Bluzy – Bummer :( Hope you day/week gets better.

Lady – Thanks hon, a blessed stress and drama free week to you as well!!

Celiseaaa.....Choir girl (ha ha) with a twist of mmmmm!!

August 27th, 2012
9:43 am

Alright gotta work. Maybe I can peek in later

Leggs

August 27th, 2012
9:43 am

Good morning.

Nothing wrong with dating multiple people until you find the one who wants to be exclusive with you. You have to kiss quite a few frogs to get to that one who doesn’t have any warts or beady eyes.

Into the Light

August 27th, 2012
9:46 am

Dang, Slim. Did you have to yell at me??? This girl is a little sensitive first thing in the morning….gotta kinda tread lightly….. :)

*sigh* at Bluz…… Sorry, sweetie. :( In the interest of maintaining my kinder, gentler status, I will only say that it is not really “fair” to hold him to a certain standard (drinking-wise) that you are not willing to support…..

Bluzgirl...on the wagon...

August 27th, 2012
9:49 am

ITL – I know…I talked to him about his drinking and then I went and became a hypocrite. That may be what is bothering him. I just wish he would tell me exactly what is bothering him. I know I effed up and I apologized. There is no more I can do…

Comon Cents

August 27th, 2012
9:50 am

MsAtl~ I am not fond of the white chocolate mocha. I have to keep it simple and stick with a mix of French Vannila and Hazelnut. (Although I did try the Almond Joy once and I liked that).

Bluz~ Sorry you had a crappy weekend. Maybe he is thinking that you were worried about his drinking and you should be worried about your own? Nothing turns me off faster than someone I perceive to be a hypocrite. IJS…

Comon Cents

August 27th, 2012
9:51 am

Well, damn. At least ITL, Bluz and I are all on the same page this morning. :lol:

Comon Cents

August 27th, 2012
9:53 am

O/T~ I had a great weekend. Took the kids and some of their friends to Fernbank for the “Scoop on Poop” exhibit, went to church on Sunday morning and then to the festival at Grant Park with the hubs and kiddos.

SlimUno

August 27th, 2012
9:54 am

ITL – Sorry for yelling I was only trying to get you a bit motivated this Mundane Monday…oh and I see we back each other up because you said to Bluz what I was thinking. She seems a bit down so didn’t want to dive in this early lol PRECIATE CHA….oops, there goes that yelling thing again :oops:

disco

August 27th, 2012
9:56 am

hypocrite? and my first thought was “don’t worry about what I be doing”. lol. pots and kettles, man, pots and kettles.

Leggs

August 27th, 2012
9:56 am

“guess my answer would be contingent on what the definition of dating is. These days, everyone seems so quick to jump in the sheets with one another that I could not get on board with doing the horizontal mambo” – And I think that’s where many twist the meaning of “dating.”

SlimUno

August 27th, 2012
10:00 am

Leggs – I think we discussed that on here before that when a woman tells a dude she is dating several guys at once, they automatically assumes she’s screwing them all.

Bluzgirl...on the wagon...

August 27th, 2012
10:00 am

I texted him last night to see if I could still ride with him tonight and have gotten nothing. Hopefully, he’ll reach out today. I know I messed up and I’ve beaten myself up about it. Maybe it can still be fixed. Maybe not. I’ll be ok either way…

Comon Cents

August 27th, 2012
10:01 am

Leggs~ Absolutely. To me, dating does not include rolling in the sheets. Dating is what is done OUTSIDE of the bedroom. But, you know, today if you’ve been dating someone for 2 months and y’all aren’t shagging, people think that’s a long time to have been dating aithout nookie. :lol:

Comon Cents

August 27th, 2012
10:03 am

So, Bluz, same topic but from a different perspective. I know that you were riding with him because of your monetary and gas situation. So, if he doesn’t text you back, are you going to put yourself in a tight situation to attend this event tonight solo?

disco

August 27th, 2012
10:04 am

okay bluz. I was going to leave it alone but I have to ask. were you just using “sloppy drunk” as a figure of speech OR were you really, truly, literally sloppy drunk? you know the chick that everyone looks at, shakes their head and mumbles that’s a daggone shame as she stumbles, bumps in to things and has to be held up/carried from the establishment. I ask because if you were literally sloppy then shame on you. if you were having a good time, feeling no pain and not embarrassing anyone then it shouldn’t be a big deal.

Leggs

August 27th, 2012
10:05 am

I got sloppy drunk. I must have messed up because Magnum told me on Sat that he needed a break and hasn’t responded to the only text I sent him last night. – Awww, Bluz!!! What’s sloppy drunk? What did you do? Were you loud and obnoxious, did you wet your pants, did you fall down???? What?

Leggs

August 27th, 2012
10:07 am

Bluz ~ I thought the both of you decided to take a break from drinking. Alcohol is definitely not your friend. You seem to do too many rash things when drinking.

Leggs

August 27th, 2012
10:11 am

I went to The Pearl Bistro Saturday with an old head blogger and we shut that mo fo down. There were guys in there with zoot suits on posing like Ronald Isley. All that was missing was their cane. I danced and danced with a 63 year old who appeared to be toothless. He could dance, but no matter how hard I tried, I couldn’t see any teeth when he talked.

Comon ~ you’re right, I was seeing someone who dumped me because 21 days had passed and I hadn’t shared myself with him. Probably saved myself a trip to the clinic.

disco

August 27th, 2012
10:14 am

21 days? leggs you are such a prude. lol.

btw – partying with the old heads sounds like a good time.

Comon Cents

August 27th, 2012
10:16 am

21 days?! Damn! You surely saved yourself a trip to the clinic! :lol: I spend more time checking out the mechanic who is going to work on my car! And I can buy another car! :lol:

Bluzgirl...on the wagon...

August 27th, 2012
10:17 am

CC – I’m still planning on going. I should get some funds today for expenses for driving out to Lithonia for work on Friday, so that will cover the gas.

Well…I wouldn’t say I was sloppy drunk at the bar…I was dancing and having a good time…even dancing on stage before we left. I think it was afterwards. I remember laying down in the car and about to pass out, then stumbling into the house. He got me inside and left without a word. I called him to ask why he left…I don’t remember what he said, but he hung up on me. I sent a few crazy texts, but then realized they were crazy and sent other texts apologizing for the crazy ones.

Alcohol is not my friend and that’s why I’m taking a break from it. Although, I am going to Charleston to visit my best friend this weekend, so I may drink some, but not much. While at home, there is no drinking at all for a while.

Leggs

August 27th, 2012
10:17 am

disco ~ I know. He probably thought I was an “ice princess.”

Leggs

August 27th, 2012
10:20 am

I know I shouldn’t be over here laughing, but I am. Bluz, Bluz, Bluz, what are we going to do with you. No man wants a woman who can’t hold her likka. To be stumbling into the house (with his help) is a No No. Sending crazy texts then apologizing for them is hilarious. Sorry. Girl, go cold turkey and leave the booze alone.